# I messed up ( relationship related)



## shoe (Apr 6, 2005)

Ok so a few days ago I messed up I was talking to an old friend I met along time ago on yahoo she sort of poped up to say hello, I figure she sent out a bulk email to all her friends to say hi.

So we threw back some emails and I told her what was new important and happening in my life and she was telling me about this child she was adopting, nothing to it right?

WRONG

The last 2 emails were about how it was hot in my office as the sun was blasting threw the windows and heating everything up, she responded that it was also hot in her office and that she could feel the temperature rising.

_Here comes the oops_ 


I wrote back woo hoo _________ is hot and it was sent to my girlfriend with no return reply text.

now she thinks ive been cheating on her says trust is lost and has broken up with me.

From what I know from her I think she is obvioulsly up set as would I be if i opened an email from her. I think she is looking for the chase, the tears, the proof of love though for us to resum our relationship together.

Give it time? or get right in there and try to fix it? ( thats all I need help with I DONT need a lecture ive already had my ear chewed off because of this

Shoe


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## andrewenterprise (May 22, 2005)

I would patch things asap.. the longer she thinks you have been cheating on her, the more she will grow to distrust you. You need to prove to her that you have not been cheating on her. If its meant to be.. it'll work out. 

Good Luck Shoe.


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## Blain_132 (Aug 22, 2005)

show up on her doorstep with a big smile and a dozen roses and ask her if its ok if you explain this whole mess!!

i hope you can fix this man! good luck!!


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## guytoronto (Jun 25, 2005)

Yup. You screwed up. As soon as another female (any female) starts any form of communication, you let your girlfriend/wife/spouse know IMMEDIATELY!!!

"Hey dear. An old friend of mine, Ms. Smith, sent me an e-mail today. She's kinda crazy...blah blah blah..."

That way your woman knows what's going on!

That way, when your girlfriend intercepts a crazy e-mail, you have a solid back story, and you can show her (with no guilt) your prior communications.

If your girl doesn't take you back, move on. If she didn't give you the benefit of the doubt up front, there are bigger issues.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

There's lots of sexy subtext in the emails you sent to the other friend, e.g., the sun's beating down on me, it's making me hot so I thought of emailing you. Wrong recipient. Ooops!

So my point is, it's not only the secret emails but the content that threw cold water on the relationship. Make a joke of it with the girlfriend, like you make me hotter or whatever. 

Woman's POV. Good luckies, Romeo.


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Blain_132 said:


> show up on her doorstep .................


We call that 'stalking'............


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## DBerG (May 24, 2005)

I have nothing to say but, but Good Luck and don't give up!


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## mr.steevo (Jul 22, 2005)

Hi,

Flowers. But they must be delivered to her when she is around a lot of other people (like work). Trust me. The flowers brought to the door are nice, but when they are delivered to her when she is surrounded by other people it is kind of like screaming out "I love you!" in public. Do it late morning so she can walk around with the flowers for the rest of the day and have people (other women) ask who she got them from. She wants to know she is special and this will do it.

s.


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## Heart (Jan 16, 2001)

You are a slick one mr. steevo!

I have to jot this one down for future reference.
'hmmm early morning, lots of people, to the office, wants to know she is special'

Pure Gold! shoe, give it a go!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

> As soon as another female (any female) starts any form of communication, you let your girlfriend/wife/spouse know IMMEDIATELY!!!
> 
> "Hey dear. An old friend of mine, Ms. Smith, sent me an e-mail today. She's kinda crazy...blah blah blah..."
> 
> ...


????
what, is he neutered?
if the tables were reversed and that sort of advice was given to a woman, I would fully expect Oprah to come flying in through the window.

Now men cannot even email a woman without pre-emptively telling their girlfriend first?


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## [email protected] (Feb 1, 2005)

Good luck. You can always make it up to her by buying her an iPod.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

[email protected] said:


> Good luck. You can always make it up to her by buying her an iPod.


boooooooooooooooo
capitalist dog !


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## gastonbuffet (Sep 23, 2004)

well, someone has to be man enough to say it.

goes something like this......

"you are an i-di-ot, ha ha ha haha ha"

Please don't take it personal.


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## andrewenterprise (May 22, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> ????
> what, is he neutered?
> if the tables were reversed and that sort of advice was given to a woman, I would fully expect Oprah to come flying in through the window.
> 
> Now men cannot even email a woman without pre-emptively telling their girlfriend first?


Not neutered... just 'Whipped'


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## a7mc (Dec 30, 2002)

> what, is he neutered?
> if the tables were reversed and that sort of advice was given to a woman, I would fully expect Oprah to come flying in through the window.
> 
> Now men cannot even email a woman without pre-emptively telling their girlfriend first?


Agree 100%. If anyone were to treat me like that, they can take the door, thank you. You have to have confidence in yourself, and in your relatonship. Living a relationship wondering when your next action is going to break you up is not good for your mental health.

I don't know your situation well enough... i.e. how long you've been together, how close you are, etc... so I can understand why she could potentially be upset. Appologize and explain yourself. That's clearly the right thing to do. But don't kiss a$$. No need to bend over backwards. If the person can't accept you for who you are, you're just setting yourself up for future failure... you have to be yourself at some point in your life.

A7


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## SoyMac (Apr 16, 2005)

(Ex)girlfriend sounds pretty insecure. This can be a nightmare of long-term proportions.
I say cut and run. Lots of other fish in the sea, my friend. Confident, secure, non-stifling fishies who are happy that you have social contacts outside of your intimate relationship.
Pretty, intelligent, athletic, witty fishies, who look really good in a tank top.
Eh?! Eh?!!


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## apple=god (May 21, 2005)

why anyone would post this on a tech forum is news to me but i would just try to patch it all up asap, then again the only definition for patch in my nerdy mind is a new WoW patch from blizzard so maybe not trust me.


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## PosterBoy (Jan 22, 2002)

So, let me get this straight. You sent a flirty email to another woman, and she forwarded it to your GF, who flipped out? Or you sent it to your GF by mistake?

Just trying to clarify.


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## guytoronto (Jun 25, 2005)

I'd rather be whipped and have a warm body to snuggle up to at night, than not be whipped, watching Star Trek reruns eating cereal out of a box.


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## iPetie (Nov 25, 2003)

SoyMac said:


> (Ex)girlfriend sounds pretty insecure. This can be a nightmare of long-term proportions.
> I say cut and run. Lots of other fish in the sea, my friend. Confident, secure, non-stifling fishies who are happy that you have social contacts outside of your intimate relationship.
> Pretty, intelligent, athletic, witty fishies, who look really good in a tank top.
> Eh?! Eh?!!


This is sound advice. Save on the flowers and catch that next bus. One comes by every 5 nminutes or so.
Take some pride in yourself and don't give your Ex the pleasure of you running yourself through contortions. Given the circumstances, if you do get her back, it won't be worth it.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

"Agree 100%. If anyone were to treat me like that, they can take the door, thank you. You have to have confidence in yourself, and in your relatonship. Living a relationship wondering when your next action is going to break you up is not good for your mental health."

So - it is all about you I guess - don't even try to understand how the girl feels. And confidence in the relationship has nothing to do with it. It is about secrets.


So - if you got an obviously FLIRTY email meant for another man written by your girlfriend you wouldn't think much of it???? And you didn't know anything about the various conversations?? Keeping secrets doesn't bother you? If there is confidence in the relationship then why worry about keeping the emails secret? 

If shoe wants to patch this up then he needs to be open and honest - I personally would want to know why the secret about the email? If an old friend emails my boyfriend - no problem - but definite problems if "heated" emails going back and forth - and confidence in my relationship has nothing to do with it. 

Confidence in a relationship is saying - Hey, I got an email from an old friend!
In a good relationship both parties want to be involved with each others lives and keep things open and honest.

Good luck Shoe - if you want this to work then I wish you the best. You know your girlfriend and go with your instincts on what you feel is right.

As far as doing contortions - well is was Shoe that screwed up not his girlfriend.
If it was the other way around then I guess that would be a different story.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

I've only ever had one relationship and try as I might I can't mess it up. Not in the first 40 years anyhow!


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## a7mc (Dec 30, 2002)

> So - it is all about you I guess - don't even try to understand how the girl feels. And confidence in the relationship has nothing to do with it. It is about secrets.


That's not at all what I implied. How the girl feels is important... unless it's based on jealousy. As I said in my post, I don't know enough about the situation. And neither do you. You're just assuming he tried keeping the emails secret on purpose. I'm not entirely sure it's about secrets. A couple of emails were exchanged.... in what time period? A couple of days? Maybe. That could be keeping secrets, if he sees his girlfriend daily... may not be the case. What if the emails were exchanged over a couple of hours at work. Should he have immediately contacted his girlfriend? What if he was planning on talking to her when he got home?

My comments were based on the assumption that he was not deliberately keeping the emails secret over an extended period of time. I agree with you. A relationship MUST be based on honesty. 



> So - if you got an obviously FLIRTY email meant for another man written by your girlfriend you wouldn't think much of it????


LOL. I see those all the time. And she sees mine.  But then, given my lifestyle choice with my wife, that's not an issue. 

However...



> And you didn't know anything about the various conversations?? Keeping secrets doesn't bother you? If there is confidence in the relationship then why worry about keeping the emails secret?


THAT would be an issue. As you said, if there is confidence in the relationship, you don't need to keep secrets.

So it all boils down to how you interpret the situation. You can see the situation as being about secrets (he was having a flirty conversation over a long period and deliberately kept it a secret) or you can see it as being about jealousy (he simply didn't get the chance to tell his girlfriend about the emails, and she's acting jealous).

Jealousy is just as crippling to a relationship as keeping secrets. Only he knows which situation applies to him.

A7


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

True - and yes, I guess I did assume (and I should know better) that the conversations were over a period of time. You raised a couple of points I didn't think of and I now realize I didn't think everything through.

If these were only over a couple of hours - then there obviously isn't time to mention anything to anyone and I certainly don't mean that he should have phoned his girlfriend and told her as soon as he got the first one - no one should have a leash on for gods sake. 

Apologies if I offended.


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## a7mc (Dec 30, 2002)

No offence taken. It's good that you brought up your point of view... mine was kinda one sided too. We both assumed. I guess U and ME are both a couple of A$$es.  But at least now there's a well rounded answer for him.

A7


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Glad I didn't offend - I don't enjoy doing that. What happened to your avatar? I am only seeing a question mark where it should be.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

guytoronto said:


> I'd rather be whipped and have a warm body to snuggle up to at night, than not be whipped, watching Star Trek reruns eating cereal out of a box.


I choose the latter.
Lesser of 2 evils. More cost effective.


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## a7mc (Dec 30, 2002)

> What happened to your avatar? I am only seeing a question mark where it should be.


That's because I'm an enigma to most people. 

I didn't even notice. Most of my profile was wrong. I just updated my avatar, website, computer specs, email... 

Thanks for bringing it up. Now it's all fixed.

A7


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## SoyMac (Apr 16, 2005)

apple=god said:


> why anyone would post this on a tech forum is news to me ...


Shoe's correct to post here. This is the _Everything Else, eh?!_ department of ehMac (isn't it? Am I in the wrong place?)
Apple=god, where do you think you/we are? Maybe we're _both_ lost and together we can find our way home.


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## TroutMaskReplica (Feb 28, 2003)

my advice is to move on. if this is all it takes to send her running then let her run.


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## Gretchen (Aug 16, 2004)

Don'tchya just looooooove email? 

Used to be you did something like that, you'd light the mailbox on fire and all was good again. Not now.....


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## Blain_132 (Aug 22, 2005)

rgray said:


> We call that 'stalking'............


oh right I i always wonder why i have such a large felony book!!!  

yea reading these other posts i think it maybe time to move on....unless you lie her like her


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## pimephalis (Nov 29, 2004)

TroutMaskReplica said:


> my advice is to move on. if this is all it takes to send her running then let her run.



Amen. I've only learned a couple of things in nearly twenty years of chasing, dating and living with women, but one of those things is:

*avoid histrionic women like the plague*.​


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Hey! I learned a new word today!


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## Gretchen (Aug 16, 2004)

> Hey! I learned a new word today!


Oops?


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Blain_132 said:


> oh right I i always wonder why i have such a large felony book!!!


You might ridicule my 'stalking' comment but some of the 'solutions' suggested, in particular 1. turning up at her door and 2. sending flowers to her workplace, if they can be construed as unwanted attention, will be considered by the courts as 'stalking'. Fair or not this is how it is if you are male....

The original poster suggests his GF was set up. I suggest that *he* was setup... Think about it in a world where there are people selling a service that tries to trap spouse/partners in compromising situations - 'testing' them..... I think you were done, man, and not in the figurative sense...


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## guytoronto (Jun 25, 2005)

Women require time and money. WOMEN = TIME x MONEY

We all know time is money, so TIME = MONEY

Therefore, WOMEN = MONEY x MONEY or WOMEN = MONEY²

We all know money is the root of all evil, so MONEY = √EVIL (square root of evil)

Therefore, WOMEN = (√EVIL)²

Simplified, WOMEN = EVIL

(P.S. Option-V shows the square root symbol when I type it, but ehMac shows it as a question mark)

EDIT: Added HTML entities to fix up the "proof"


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Get burnt Guytoronto? My my such bitterness.
Girls get burnt too. and abused. and neglected. As do guys, in a lesser sense.
Get over it.


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## iPetie (Nov 25, 2003)

Cameo said:


> Get burnt Guytoronto? My my such bitterness.
> Girls get burnt too. and abused. and neglected. As do guys, in a lesser sense.
> Get over it.


Really eh! Not all women are evil. I'll stop there before I go to far. lol!


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## jicon (Jan 12, 2005)

Cameo said:


> Get burnt Guytoronto? My my such bitterness.
> Girls get burnt too. and abused. and neglected. As do guys, in a lesser sense.
> Get over it.


guyToronto was reciting an old joke.

I don't get the "As do guys, in a lesser sense." comment. Maybe my young-er age deceives me, but I'd contend everyone is playing on an equal field. I've seen the burning, emotional abuse and neglect from both sides.

All part of the process, so far as I'm concerned. Once you've met the right person, matured, and know things feel right, all is good and wonderful in the world.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Never heard that joke, sorry.


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## HowEver (Jan 11, 2005)

.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

I don't know the statistics , but while I am sure some women do physically abuse their partners, the opposite is prevalent. And occurs more often than you think. 

Maybe this is too touchy a subject for me so I shall back out as gracefully as I can before I get myself into trouble.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Cameo, I just sent this to my wife and got a BIG "I love you" email in return --

Women require time and money. WOMEN = TIME x MONEY

We all know time is money, so TIME = MONEY

Therefore, WOMEN = MONEY x MONEY or WOMEN = MONEY²

We all know money is the root of all evil, so MONEY = √EVIL (square root
of evil)

Therefore, WOMEN = (√EVIL)²

Simplified, WOMEN = EVIL

However, George Orwell contended that EVIL was GOOD, and thus, EVIL = GOOD

So, after 1984, WOMEN = GOOD
...........................................................................and
YOU are the WOMAN I LOVE.


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## shoe (Apr 6, 2005)

I guess I should make an appearance in my thread and fill ya in on the details eh.

The woman and I are patched up after waiting for her to settle down she was able to hear me out she may not have liked some stuff I said but I got my point accross I was actually single ( ahem ladies) for 5 hours on saturday but she took me back ( she must have been drinking? eh)

she tells me she is scared but im sure that will subside however if i get this incident thrown in my face over and over again ill have to draw the line and say i dont think you will let us get over my mistake ... im sure you get the rest

Shoe


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

I am glad that you patched things up and that the two of you are giving it one more chance. If I may throw in some advice - keep the relationship open and honest - this will help build confidence for the both of you. Good luck.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

nevermind
It'll just bring out the jadedness in me


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## guytoronto (Jun 25, 2005)

Cameo said:


> Get burnt Guytoronto? My my such bitterness.
> Girls get burnt too. and abused. and neglected. As do guys, in a lesser sense.
> Get over it.


Umm...it's a joke. It's humorous. The equation can easily be flipped (Men require time and money).

Some people read into these things too much. Next thing you know I'll make a joke about too much butter on my bagel and have that interpreted as me being a serial killer.


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

shoe said:


> ...... but she took me back ( she must have been drinking? eh)


You went back. Were you drinking???


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Guytoronto - I apologized, touchy subject.


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