# Blindsided by a woman...



## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

So I have officially been blindisded by the most amazing girl.
We met up for coffee on Wed evening at about 8, didnt leave till 12:30. 
She makes me laugh (Which very few people are actually able to do on a repeating and regular basis) and I do the same for her. She has the most amazing smile and notices all these little things that nobody seems to have noticed before (Or they did and never said anything). I love the way she looks at me, and her eyes just sparkle.

We discussed how we both expected to go for coffee and nothing really to come out of it, and how she didn't expect things to go the way they are (She was expecting something totally different from me hehe). I have only felt this way once before in my life and to be honest, it scares me. More for the fact that I might end up getting hurt in the end (But that's always a chance that we must face right!). Anyway, I am looking forward to this adventure in life and hope it is one of those relationships that continue for years to come. 
I had to get that out! Thanks!


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Just a little advice from me MacDaddy ...we can't go through life NOT doing things from fear of getting hurt......much more is lost by not doing anything. You also cannot predict the future and don't know that you will get hurt either. It would be a shame to lose something that could be wonderful, even if just for a time. Just take baby steps with the relationship and enjoy everything that you can. There is really no need to rush through life.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacDaddy, I agree with Cameo. Enjoy the now and appreciate each moment together. I don't mean to sound trite, but Doris Day was right when she sang "Que sera sera"........"Whateve will be wil be". Good luck, mon ami. Remember, the moment of true "joie de vivre" are rare, and need to be understood.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I am going to follow through with this, full fear ahead, it feels to right to be wrong. Normally, my comfort zone qould tell me to run like the wind, but I have completly ignored it this time around. I want to spend as much time as I can with her without going overboard hehe.
I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship here and hope to be posting a 1 year post in the near future


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Bon chance, mon ami. C'est l'amour.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Merci mon ami. I am feeling it


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## Chealion (Jan 16, 2001)

Someone sounds just a touch smitten...


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Chealion, as the old saying goes, "When in the springtime a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love". Today IS the first day of spring.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Enjoy as much of your life as you can


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Cameo the Wise. Very true.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I plan on enjoying this as long as I possibly can  Thank you everybody!


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## iNeedhelp (Oct 23, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship here and hope to be posting a 1 year post in the near future


Heh MacDaddy, you're gonna be _her_ MacDaddy!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

just enjoy the ride
usually the journey is more important than the destination


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

But the destination ain't half bad either.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> just enjoy the ride


No pun intended?


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

SINC said:


> No pun intended?


gee, and here i thought i was being subtle


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Should have been plural too.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Carex said:


> Should have been plural too.


aren't "multiples" a myth?


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> aren't "multiples" a myth?


Only for men!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

SINC said:


> Only for men!


so much for equality of the sex(es)
 

so if a woman has multiple orgasms, let's say 3 for every one male orgasm, perhaps that explains why men roll over and go to sleep
3 to 1 just ain't fair, y'know


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## FeXL (Jan 2, 2004)

This just made me smile...thank you, MacDaddy.    

Carpe diem and good luck!

PS I know a photographer...


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

FeXL said:


> This just made me smile...thank you, MacDaddy.
> 
> Carpe diem and good luck!
> 
> PS I know a photographer...


nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what i mean?
- monty python


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## ehMax (Feb 17, 2000)

Now boys.... Say no more... say no more. :heybaby:


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Blinded by the light...
Proceed with comedy skit about misunderstanding the words.


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## overkill (May 15, 2005)

great post for the first day of spring i must agree...good luck in your new adventure


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

All in all, it WAS a bright spot in my rather frustrating day.


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## nxnw (Dec 22, 2002)

I hope the object of your affection never sees this thread. Some of the above comments are bound to offend her.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

nxnw said:


> I hope the object of your affection never sees this thread. Some of the above comments are bound to offend her.


Not if she's a good sport, a woman worth having around. 

MacDaddy, a piece of advice: Men tend to fall in love faster, so be patient if she's not feeling it the same as you for a while. As an example, I'll tell you about the guy I'm hooking up with. HE seemed smitten 3 years ago, and I'm still working on it.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

She is not a Mac user so I doubt she would show up here (She doesnt know I go here either so...).
MissGulch, indeed we do and i found that out pretty quick today.

I am not too sure how to interpret this. On the weekend, like I said, the way she looks at me and talks to me is great, makes me feel really special.

I talked to her online briefly today and tried to make plans for this weekend or Wed after work. And she told me not to make plans, as her hectic work schedule may screw them up. Then later she says she is supposed to go out with some friends on Friday evening.
She also mentioned that her relatioship that lasted 3.5 years, she only saw him on weekends and she liked that. So I am starting to get really confused here.
I am afraid to talk to her about it because I don't know if I want to know the answer.

I am completly confused here, and don't know if I should do anything right now, or give it a few weeks and see what happens. It may be early relationship jitters or something for all I know. Maybe she is afraid of this relationship because she feels so strongly so fast (Or so she told me earlier). If I am to talk to her about it, I won't do it over the phone, I want her in front of me so I can gauge her reactions and behaviour. I really am not too sure what to do right now, and I am starting to feel like I made a fool out of myself, or am about to have it happen.

I think I jinxed myself when I started this post :\


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## singingcrow (May 6, 2005)

Dear MacDaddy,

Slow down the brain there. You're going to crash... and then what? for what? You're creating negativity around something that was beautiful only a few hours ago, and still is. We fear the unknown, but some unknowns bring us hope others bring us down, and both to the extreme. Try to focus on what you do know... you have a great connection with an amazing person who you can laugh and converse with. Let's stick with that.

happy happy joy joy... breathe....

Rest now. Maybe you'll see her in your dreams.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

SingingCrow,
I am trying to keep this all out of my brain. I want to see if I see her on the weekend, then I can talk to her in person about how I feel and see if she just feels we are going to fast and wants to see what happens.
My mind is totally racing with stupid unknown and completly made up scenarios that it should not be. I just hope I am being paranoid (Don't I always lol). I need to try and slow down the brain and htink about other things, its just so hard because I not only see her in my dreams, but then I start day dreaming about her! ACK! what am I doing to myself lol.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

Whoa, pardner. Slow down, Daddy. 

As difficult as this may be, don't let her become the entire focus of your life. If you do you may come off as needy, and that is a major, MAJOR turn-off. You have a life aside from her, and she should know it.

She may have negative relationship baggage from the earlier one that took up 3.5 years of her life. Take it slow, and let it evolve organically.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

slow down there fella
enjoy being with her and don't put too much stock in anything
sounds like you're starting to put her up on a pedestal and you'll be the one falling all the way down

contrary to whatever Oprah or Tyra Banks tell you, it's good to keep some distance

that way if things go ok, then you're in a good position to enjoy them
and if not, well, you're not doing your Wil. E. Coyote imitation treading air after falling off a cliff

go on with YOUR life and if she fits in, then fine, if not, toss net and see what fish fate brings you


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

This is exactly what I am trying to avoid here. My brain tends to work overtime, especially when my feelings are involved. It totally helps to talk to others about it before my brain takes over in ways that I don't want it to lol. which is exactly why I came back here, to put some perspective on things because I knew the people around here would do exactly that.

I love spending time with her though, I just want to do more of it  
*sigh* somebody stop my brain, I want to get off lol


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## singingcrow (May 6, 2005)

Okay MacDaddy,

Here's a "Here and Now" excercise I get my clients to do...

Look around
Count Five things you can See

Listen
Count five things you can Hear (if need be close your eyes)


Feel your body
Count five things you can physically feel

In that order. It should suck you back into your body and then you can be with you - not her - and live your life. You might have to do it more than once, but it's pretty affective.

Good Luck!


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## CanadaRAM (Jul 24, 2005)

In the immortal words from "Bambi"*

Twitterpated.  


Take it one weekend at a time, bro'. Enjoy them.






* Yes the DISNEY version, dammit. Go wash your mind out with soap...


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## RevMatt (Sep 10, 2005)

What they all said. And congrats!


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## iNeedhelp (Oct 23, 2005)

Hey MacDaddy, I know no one really takes my comments seriously, but there's an awesome movie you have to check out. "Chasing Amy". The synopsis is a little misleading, but it's about how quickly the girl he thought was "the one" became "the one that got away".


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

Well, MacDaddy, let me give you the opposite perspective. I met a guy yesterday, and this is what I thought to myself: 

Hmm.... blue eyes, nice smile, looks good, seems nice, interesting to talk to, has a sense of humour--definite potential, could be good. I'm going to hold back for a while until I find out more about him, watch for red flags, make I'm comfortable and don't get in over my head with someone who is great but isn't offering what I'm looking for or feel ready for.

A smart woman knows how to feel and think at the same time. 

Now, I'm going to get on with my day and not worry if my phone rings or not.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Thanks for all the tips, I am sure it will all help me out.
I don't want to screw anything up by overdoing it (I get very extroverted sometimes). We will see what happens this weekend!

And iNeedHelp, I own Chasing Amy. Thanks for pointing that out though, I dont want it to turn out bad lol


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Kudos to you as well, Sonal. Could not have happened to a nicer person.


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## nxnw (Dec 22, 2002)

MacDaddy said:


> ...Chasing Amy...


I don't think you should take too much insight from a movie based on the premise that Ben Affleck is so wonderful that it persuades Amy to "change teams".


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Just don't let this happen to you!!


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

Dr.G. said:


> Kudos to you as well, Sonal. Could not have happened to a nicer person.


Oh, hold off on those kudos right now. Still haven't figured out if he's some kind of a psycho or not.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I love how nice guys always get checked for psychoness first.
You know, we DO actually exist! It just seems everybody that says they want us, is lying and they really want the bad boys that will treat them like crap (That's how I see it anyway).


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Are there really that many pshycos out there? Being a nice guy and all, it's hard to imagine.


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

MacDaddy said:


> I love how nice guys always get checked for psychoness first.
> You know, we DO actually exist! It just seems everybody that says they want us, is lying and they really want the bad boys that will treat them like crap (That's how I see it anyway).


Hold on their big shooter. There aren't too many people that I know that want to be treated like crap.


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## gastonbuffet (Sep 23, 2004)

SINC said:


> Only for men!


one too many "n" on that phrase?

Because "I", really can't complain. 

Mac Daddy, I always believe in throwing caution to the wind when it comes to feelings. Just go with YOUR flow, if it's not meant to be, you'll find that out faster this way, and can move on sooner too. (broken heart?, sure, but you'll get that any way, at least this way you'll fell you did not hold back, and sleep better (when you stop crying  )

if she is "the one", all will be perfec!!

Good luck man


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Carex,
I don't know many that like to either, yet I have heard friends say they want eh nice guy, but are stuck with the asshole that treats them like crap! I just call it like I see it.

Gaston,
Are you saying that I should talk to her about it and see what happens? I want to see what happens this weekend (If anything) and then if I am still feeling awkward then I will talk to her about it and see if I am back in the single line (Which would such more than words can describe).


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Sonal, I trust your judgement. Enjoy this moment of springtime happiness for as long as it lasts.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

I know there are nice guys out there. I married and then divorced a nice guy. I've dated other nice guys and it didn't work out. Nothing to do with them being nice or not; it just wasn't right for me.

I've also dated a psycho who _seemed_ really nice at first.  

I don't want a bad boy who treats me like crap, but just being a nice guy doesn't cut it either. There are needy nice guys, doormat nice guys, clingy nice guys, nice guys who don't want the same things that I want, nice guys who I don't have a lot in common with, nice guys who move too quickly, nice guys who move to slowly, nice guys where there's no chemistry, nice guys with no sense of humour....


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## Pamela (Feb 20, 2003)

> aren't multiples a myth?
> 
> Only for men!



only for *some* men actually...


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

*sigh* I wonder which nice guy category I fall into (Actually, I don't think I want to know!)


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Pamela said:


> only for *some* men actually...


Touche, Pamela.

Nice to see you back posting.


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## Pamela (Feb 20, 2003)

SINC said:


> Touche, Pamela.
> 
> Nice to see you back posting.


Thanks Sinc, it's been a busy few months to say the least. I was in MacDaddy's shoes 4 months ago actually and that is what has kept me so busy in the meantime. And I'm in heaven. I hope that MacDaddy will be where I am now in four months!


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## Pamela (Feb 20, 2003)

oh and for the record. The whole 'nice guy' thing is a load of BS. We love it when you're nice. It's boring, wishy washy and one dimensional that we have a problem with. Whoever started that rumour that women don't like 'nice guys' must have been a boring, wishy washy, and one dimensional man. Nothing "nice" about that, that's for sure!


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Pamela, thank you, I really hope your shoes become my shoes (Of course, they may look a little funny on me, but I'll deal with it!)


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Sonal said:


> \I don't want a bad boy who treats me like crap, but just being a nice guy doesn't cut it either. There are needy nice guys, doormat nice guys, clingy nice guys, nice guys who don't want the same things that I want, nice guys who I don't have a lot in common with, nice guys who move too quickly, nice guys who move to slowly, nice guys where there's no chemistry, nice guys with no sense of humour....


Any wonder so many women end up with jerks? It's the liars who are most likely to meet these conditions. Same goes for many men: don't like gold diggers, clock-tickers, etc...? 

It's really hard to figure out because the people you want to avoid try the hardest to convince you they're something else. The good people are what they are -- openly and honestly not the perfect counterpart.


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## gastonbuffet (Sep 23, 2004)

Pamela said:


> only for *some* men actually...



PAMELAaaaaa, don't brake this heart of mine..
just remember; it may not heel this time!! 

OMG!!! was that you????


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## Pamela (Feb 20, 2003)

gastonbuffet said:


> PAMELAaaaaa, don't brake this heart of mine..
> just remember; it may not heel this time!!
> 
> OMG!!! was that you????


OMG! I thought *I* was the only one that knew about that song! LOL!


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## Kosh (May 27, 2002)

Carex said:


> Hold on their big shooter. There aren't too many people that I know that want to be treated like crap.


Count yourself and the people you know as lucky then. I know at least 2 women (and that's just of the top of my head, I'm sure there's a couple more I'm forgetting) that have put up with crap from guys and I can't understand why? Why? Forget him and move on.

As for MacDaddy, sounds like you met someone special. :love2: Congrats! Take it easy. Go on a few dates first before making any assumptions and getting into the heavy discussions.


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## gastonbuffet (Sep 23, 2004)

Pamela said:


> OMG! I thought *I* was the only one that knew about that song! LOL!


Far from it!!
I play it continuously every night, and guess what, on the artwork on itunes, i have your avatar!!!!! 

sigh


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Good to see Miss Pamela back again. thought you had been scared off girl. Hope the previous bad experience is but a memory and you move on to some hot times!


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

Carex,

I miss your weird mice and foam siggy. Jes sayin'.


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Anything to keep the ladies happy.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

Carex said:


> Anything to keep the ladies happy.


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## markceltic (Jun 4, 2005)

Cameo said:


> Just a little advice from me MacDaddy ...we can't go through life NOT doing things from fear of getting hurt......much more is lost by not doing anything. .


 What is lost ? If one hasn't had the experience then one wouldn't know the pain or joy. Is that so terrible? Does it make anyone less of a person?


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## RevMatt (Sep 10, 2005)

markceltic said:


> What is lost ? If one hasn't had the experience then one wouldn't know the pain or joy. Is that so terrible? Does it make anyone less of a person?


That is a question for philophers, and many have taken a run at it. But arguably, yes. Not less in sense of value, but less complete.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Kosh said:


> As for MacDaddy, sounds like you met someone special. :love2: Congrats! Take it easy. Go on a few dates first before making any assumptions and getting into the heavy discussions.



Thanks Kosh,
I am coping with my insanity much better now, mostly in part to the great people on this forum. I think my biggest problem is I am a hopless romantic and watch to many movies. You know, meet girl, fall in love, never apart for more than 5 mins until the day they marry, have children, get the white picket fence and die old and happy.
Welllll, in real life it doesnt generally go that fast, or smooth lol. I totally think I am letting my feelings for her get in the way of my rational thought patterns, especially with the trouble I have had in the past ( I once had two girlfriends cheat on me with the same guy!!!), and I cannot let a few bad apples spoil the lot, as they say (Or as Dr. G would say "Vous ne pouvez pas laisser une mauvaise pomme gâte le lot" lol, sorry for the bad trans Dr. G!).


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

You were wondering what kind of a nice guy you might be?

"never apart for more than 5 mins until the day they marry"

Clingy nice guy. *shudder*

Just remember MacDaddy... this isn't some girl in a movie. This is a real-life girl. Don't assume she's reading from the same script as you. Listen to her, observe her actions, and ask her questions and then *really* listen to the answers--that'll give you some clues about how fast to take this and if you both want to go in the same direction.

From what you posted earlier, this girl likes to keep her own life and her own space. This is a HEALTHY thing, especially so early on. Keep that in mind, let her have a little breathing room if she needs it.


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## JPL (Jan 21, 2005)

Sonal said:


> From what you posted earlier, this girl likes to keep her own life and her own space. This is a HEALTHY thing, especially so early on. Keep that in mind, let her have a little breathing room if she needs it.


Lasting relationships are a long series of willing compromises. No two people see every "issue/situation" exactly the same. Honest communication goes a long way toward staving off relationship problems. Speak your mind and your heart and if she will do the same you are a long way toward building something. 

The time and effort put forth to learn about each other is a fun and rewarding experience, and if it continues to the next level count yourself lucky. Remember the greater the risk the greater the reward.

Enjoy the whole experience as it takes place, stow long term plans, if it is to be it will most likely be, if not, ah well the benefits from the journey was worth it.

Good luck and don't be too pushy or rushed, just have fun and enjoy her company.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Sonal,
That was more a reference to a movie than myself. I would not consider myself to be clingy (God I hope not, that would really suck) and realize that I have to give her the space she needs as well. Like I said, I think my feelings are totally giving me a reality distortion field, not necessarily in a good way, and I just have to get past that. 
I want this to work out more than anything, like I said, blindsided! I just need to let it flow and see where it goes.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

Sorry, MacDaddy, I forgot to add in a smiley. I get when you're coming from.

Enjoy the rush, but stay well aware of what she's comfortable with. You'll do fine.  Best of luck.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I am still trying to figure out what she is comfortable with. She is a hard book to read, and I don't want to over do it, so I am making sure I re-read the first chapter before I proceed.


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## MLeh (Dec 23, 2005)

I'd probably retitle this thread 'blindsided by _emotion_'. I think it has more to do with overwhelming internal emotions than anything external that she's done.

Take a step back and let your rational brain think about things. Get some perspective. Feelings can sometimes overwhelm reason. The endorphin rush is great, but it will pass eventually and you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. But don't _over_ analyse (I mean, the word analyse has anal in it for a reason).


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

MLeh said:


> I'd probably retitle this thread 'blindsided by _emotion_'. I think it has more to do with overwhelming internal emotions than anything external that she's done.


If it were not for her, I would not be having the emotions though


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> If it were not for her, I would not be having the emotions though


In the case of me and the guy I'm with now, he was chasing me for years, was very effusive and came on very strong. For a long time I was put off by this, confused and wondering what I had done to get him going. Be careful, or she may start thinking what I thought: "What the ef, what the ef?"  

This went on for about 3 years, until he finally wore me down. He always said he was tenacious. :clap:

Edited to add:
MacDaddy, you really do sound like a very nice guy, if a bit love-struck. I hope she's good enough for you. 

Did you post your picture here? Let us check you out, eh?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

MissG,
I hope she is good enough for me and vice versa. I am totally old fashioned and a small town values kind a guy (She is a from a small town and she noticed that too hehe). Here is a fairly recent picture of me taken at work. Hairs a little longer now, and I wear my glasses more often (Just paid $550 for them, going to get some wear time lol)


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

Yes, I replied before I found your picture. You look pretty centered in this shot; not love-struck. Before encountering *her* I assume. 

$550 for specs? Are you Elton John? 

I like guys with long hair. What do you have in the back -- a ponytail?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

This picture was takin in December, long before I met her lol.
Nothing in the back, short all the way around.

I have a -11 perscription in each eye with Astigmatism  the frames were only $130. This price was with my 30% discount through Co-Operators insurance.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> This picture was takin in December, long before I met her.


Yah, I figgered as much. You look at peace with the world there.

I have a similar prescription -- astigmatism with short-sightedness. You can buy frames on eBay (ignore Sinc when he disses eBay), and get the lenses filled separately. Shop around for everything. This can cut the cost of glasses by more than half.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I buy lots of stuff from eBay, im not worried hehe. I prefer to see the frames on me before I purchase though, I dont trust buying stuff like that online. And with my Discount, this was much cheaper than anywhere else I checked.

I am still at peace with the world, just a little confused is all


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

I know what you mean about trying on the frames first. As I am in the NY area, there is cutthroat competition amongst retailers, so it's easier to shop for deals than somebody in a small city.

I hope you'll keep us updated on all the scintillating details regarding your romance. 

Are Canadian men more reserved than American men? Do ya think?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I can't comment on the American men myself, nothing to really compare to (And since I am a guy, I don't think I would be comparing anyway lol).

No more details as of yet, have not talked to her since Thursday evening. We will see how it goes.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Well, I talked to her today and we talked about a few things. It will be a TBC thing though as she has a lot on her mind right now with some stuff that happened on the weekend. But when we were talking she didnt want to be rude and watnt to talk about it when her brain is not like oatmeal.
I did find out I may have been moving a bit fast, but at least I know that now and she said she will tell me if I am doing anything to make her feel out of place or anything.

I did let her know that I do care for her, I want to be there for her, but I don't want to push her away and I am totally OK with taking it slow if thats what she needs.

I still have faith that there is a long term relationship in there, I just think she is a bit scared by the whole thing at the moment. Truth be told, I am scared myself, but I am willing to dive in for a swim and see where the current goes, and my faith is that she will be to. I look forward to discussing it with her and seeing what her thoughts are and what she sees. Hopefully we see more eye to eye than not (Even if she is a foot and a half shorter than me lol). Cross your fingers for me!


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Well, we went out for coffee last night, and unfortunatly, I did not get the response I was hoping for 
Due to recent events with her ex, she feels that she needs time to get her life back in order and find herself again, which leaves me in the wayside as a friend. While I fully respect her decision and reasons I cannot say I am not heart broken. She wants to remain friends, and says there is still a chance in the future (Of course, I have always been weary of that phrase, is there ever really a chance?? Or is that just one of those 'trying to be nice' comments?), but I am going to have a very hard time treating her or looking at her any different than I do now.
I finally find a woman that makes me feel amazing in every way, looks at me like I have never been looked at and notices all these small things in my personality and it ends up like this. *sigh* I can't say I am surprised really "If it's too good to be true...."


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

move on
she's not "into" you
if you hang around hoping, she'll make you her lapdog
fetch this and fetch that
bait hook, toss into sea....


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## BerlinerCa (Nov 22, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> I finally find a woman that makes me feel amazing in every way, looks at me like I have never been looked at and notices all these small things in my personality and it ends up like this. *sigh* I can't say I am surprised really "If it's too good to be true...."


I do feel for you. But I also have a different perspective on this sort of stuff. 

First, nobody 'makes' you feel anything. You feel how you feel in response to stuff they do, good or bad. But they are your feelings. You "do" that. It may seem like nit-picking, but it is an important distinction.

When a woman says that she is not into you "in that way, in this moment" she usually means just that-literally. It can change at any moment. So what you do now is critical.

Stay in her life, but don't fawn and do not be too available. Let her know that you find her beautiful and amazing, but also keep your outside interests active. Date other women, see other friends, develope your work. In other words, live your life.

Stay hopeful but do not live as if her actions dictate what you do. Above all else, keep your sense of humor about the situation. Remember, it is not that serious. Those, "she is the only one I will ever feel this way about" feelings are just chemicals in your system urging you to mate. And, if nothing happens, they will fade and transfer themeselves to another woman-eventually.

Good Luck-I know it is not an easy time. Ain't LOVE grand!!


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

BerlinerCa - I do believe that you are correct.


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## darkscot (Nov 13, 2003)

that was beautiful, BerlinerCa, great advice!


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

She did not actually say she was not into me or anything, just that she wanted to get her life back in order and all that because of the recent problems with her ex (Which she thought was over, at least until the court date).
I understand those chemicals, but I have not felt THIS way about anybody that I have dated recently except her. I don't really want to date anybody else at this time, maybe after a few months if nothing has changed. I plan to stay in her life because she still makes me feel great when she is around.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Just Friends is a fun movie. Not careful advice by a longshot, but it makes a point.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

MacDaddy--nobody ever says "I'm just not that into you."

But they show it in their actions. Look at yourself--you were really into her, so you were ready to show it, find time together, etc. Sure, people are often cautious at first, but if they are interested, they make the effort. If they are not, they don't. Or they say something to explain why they aren't going to make the effort.

Take this as a gift from the Universe that you are able to feel this way about someone, despite the dating dearth. It's in you. But this is not meant to be at this moment.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Sonal,
This is where I am not sure, as her actions do not indicate that either. We went out for coffee on Monday, and while I saw in her eyes when she came and got me that I wasnt going to get the answer I was looking for, her demeanor and actions all night have not changed. She has a few of these cute little nuances that I noticed in the first day or so that she did around me that she did not realize, and she was doing them still. 
As I said, I am going to wait it out for a few months and see what happens. I am not exactly keen on jumping into another relationship right now anyway (Unless of course it is with her) so I don't mind waiting it out and seeing if anything will materialize. I can't say I won't be dissapointed if it doesn't but I am not opposed to moving on if I need to. I am still hopeful


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

be careful about finding that look in her eyes
it could be the headlight of train coming the other way


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Benn hurt a few times yourself hey Macspectrum?


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> She did not actually say she was not into me or anything, just that she wanted to get her life back in order and all that because of the recent problems with her ex (Which she thought was over, at least until the court date).


There-there MacDaddy,
As callous as this may sound, you may have been spared a worse, stickier involvement. She's still entangled with an ex, telling you she has a court date. Yikes! You may have found yourself an uncomfortable third party, between a couple that still has personal issues and legal matters to work out. It was in her best interests (and yours, actually) when she backed off a little, and gave you the unpleasant news.

The news was not as unpleasant as you may think, as I believe she was sincere in her desire to keep you in her life, but wants to sort out the mess her personal life has become. You got some good advice here, and I would take it. I particularly liked the post from the member that advised you get on with your life, keep your time occupied and regard her as a friend. I would let her make the first move if she wants to have a deeper kind of relationship. You have already expressed your interest.

If it's any comfort at all, we all go through this.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Is that the "deer in the headlight" look? I have heard the expression lots but to be truthful not exactly sure what it means.


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## MacDoc (Nov 3, 2001)

Deer are mesmerized by headlights and freeze in place. 
So sort of staring dumbfounded - eyes wide but not really reacting for the human version.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Thank you.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Miss G,
I knew what I was getting into on the first evening, she told me what had happend with her ex (He attacked her with a knife, bad scenario all around) and last weekend started calling her and leaving threatening messages. She thought it was over for now. Like I said, I fully understand her decision, but I will still wait (As a friend) to see what develops and quietly hope for the best.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, I agree with BerlinerCa's suggestion that you might "Stay in her life". To this I add, be sure to stay in YOUR life as well. "To thine own self be true" might seem a bit trite, but you are a fine person and you took a chance to share a bit of your life with someone else. For this, you should be commended. As the old saying goes, "Time will tell". Bon chance.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> Miss G,
> I knew what I was getting into on the first evening, she told me what had happend with her ex (He attacked her with a knife, bad scenario all around) and last weekend started calling her and leaving threatening messages. She thought it was over for now. Like I said, I fully understand her decision, but I will still wait (As a friend) to see what develops and quietly hope for the best.


You may not have thought of this, but she may want to watch you for a while to make sure that you're not like "ex" -- okay, normal, not driven by inner demons to attack her with a knife.  

Anyhoo, you can continue posting here whenever you feel the urge. We will continue to soothe you and take care of all your theraputic needs.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr. G
I plan on staying in her life and being there for her whenever I can. If something happens then great! Merci Mon Ami!


Miss G,
I have thought of this a few times actually. Although she has dated mostly nice guys in the past, I think you are right in that she wants to feel me out first, which is fine by me, will let her see the same thing over and over if thats what she needs  I have no plans on going psycho anytime soon 

And thanks for the Theraputics everybody! When you have friends who's ideas of dating are a one night stand, its good to know I have sensible people to talk to!


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> I have no plans on going psycho anytime soon


If you do, please tell us about it. We would enjoy the drama!

As Dr.G would say, Bon chance, boubelah.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

If she has been involved in an abusive relationship then she will be cautious.
There is a lot of baggage to leave behind and she will need someone who understands and goes slow - who isn't going to get angry at her reactions
to situations.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Cameo said:


> she will need someone who understands and goes slow - who isn't going to get angry at her reactions
> to situations.


 I let her know that I am more than willing to do this for her. So it is jsut a matter of time right now, but as previously mentioned, I will not wait forever.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

MacDaddy said:


> Benn hurt a few times yourself hey Macspectrum?


I'm wary of trains, is all.
mass x veolcity = momentum


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

MacDaddy said:


> Dr. G
> I plan on staying in her life and being there for her whenever I can. If something happens then great! Merci Mon Ami!
> 
> 
> ...


what's wrong with one night stands?
good for the cardio vascular system and all..


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I have been hit by many trains in the past. But if you don't walk the rails you won't get anywhere. Just gotta watch yourself!

I got nothin against a good cardio workout, but that is not my idea of dating. When their longest relationship in the past 5 years is 9 hours, you know who not to go to for relationship advice!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

i guess it all depends on what kind of "relationship" (man, that's a big word) you want


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacDaddy, that's the spirit. Be yourself and if it happens, it happens. If not, you still were true to yourself.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr.G. said:


> MacDaddy, that's the spirit. Be yourself and if it happens, it happens. If not, you still were true to yourself.


Always true to myself. I refuse to rely on others for that, I learned very early on that it ends up like a bad apple!


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

Another thing, MacDaddy:
She may have lost confidence in her ability to pick a nice guy, hence her reluctance to commit. Daggerboy was once a "nice" guy, or so she thought. 

Everything may change once she gets rid of daggerboy, and recovers from the experience.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

since when do women look for "nice guys?"


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> since when do women look for "nice guys?"


Oh, we do. Normal women want to be treated well.


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## MLeh (Dec 23, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> i guess it all depends on what kind of "relationship" (man, that's a big word) you want


I'd suggest you read this about relationships. I find it rather useful for describing relationships.

(and, yes, a relationship is generally something that lasts longer than figuring out how to spell the word)


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

MissGulch said:


> Oh, we do. Normal women want to be treated well.


Yup - I agree. No one wants to watch their every move or statement in case the other takes it the wrong way. We want someone we can trust and depend on, who cares enough to try to understand why. You know, the nice ones.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Cameo said:


> Yup - I agree. No one wants to watch their every move or statement in case the other takes it the wrong way. We want someone we can trust and depend on, who cares enough to try to understand why. You know, the nice ones.


uh huh
i recognize oprah-speak when i see it


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> uh huh
> i recognize oprah-speak when i see it


Well, it all starts with not wanting to be chased with a knife....


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## RevMatt (Sep 10, 2005)

MissGulch said:


> Well, it all starts with not wanting to be chased with a knife....


Perhaps not strangely, many things in my life start that way.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> uh huh
> i recognize oprah-speak when i see it


 
 
Never watch talk shows. Don't watch reality shows either.

Experience may have more to do with it.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I am sure that my decency and demeanor will speak volumes about who I am, and hopefully she will see that. I will also stay away from sharp objects!


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> since when do women look for "nice guys?"


See previous rant, earlier in this thread.

Coles notes version: Nice is important, but you have to bring more to the table than just nice. 

Pamela also added: if "nice" manifests as "wishy-washy", it's not nice.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Sonal said:


> See previous rant, earlier in this thread.
> 
> Coles notes version: Nice is important, but you have to bring more to the table than just nice.
> 
> Pamela also added: if "nice" manifests as "wishy-washy", it's not nice.


and for our viewers at home; "wish washy" means he doesn't pay
however, not paying is acceptable if he looks like Brad Pitt


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## RISCHead (Jul 20, 2004)

hmm - I went thru a rather short-lived disastrous marriage a couple of years ago, so can't claim to be the best at giving relationship advice.

Just being a 'nice guy' is one-dimensional - I am a nice guy but am also other things. I'm passionate about my life and things that are important to me. I try to not let work consume me, pursue other interests actively, and if I'm interested in someone, I let them know it, but don't hold my breath. 

I'm not really into putting on my dating face and go trolling on lavalife.

Relationships are good, but only if the chemistry's right and the timing's right. 
Be yourself, be natural and let things take their course.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"I am sure that my decency and demeanor will speak volumes about who I am, and hopefully she will see that." MacD, this is exactly the right attitude and approach to take. Kudos, mon ami.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> and for our viewers at home; "wish washy" means he doesn't pay
> however, not paying is acceptable if he looks like Brad Pitt


And we had such a nice thing going on the other forum. Sigh. 

Could care less if a guy paid or not. What I hate is a guy who lets me walk all over him.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Sonal said:


> And we had such a nice thing going on the other forum. Sigh.
> 
> Could care less if a guy paid or not. What I hate is a guy who lets me walk all over him.


cue Nancy Sinatra; "These boots were made for walking"


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Sonal said:


> Could care less if a guy paid or not. What I hate is a guy who lets me walk all over him.


I don't think guys like hanging out with that type of guy either. Pushover men are just weird to hang out with; like some neutered animal. 

For women, the b***h is always to be avoided because, inevitably, they just think men can't handle 'strong' women (not realizing that there's a difference). 

Personally I just don't bother with the whole thing. I'm fine living my own life.


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## MLeh (Dec 23, 2005)

I think it comes down to self confidence, in both men and women. In order to have a good relationship you have to first of all be comfortable with who YOU are. After you accept yourself you can be more accepting of others.

People who change who they are to meet (what they perceive to be) the expectations of others aren't being true to who they really are.

Shakespeare said: "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

Also: "It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world. It is very easy in solitude to be self-centered. But the finished man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr. G,
Thank you. After many problems growing up not being able to do that, I finally learned that it was not the way I wanted to live my life. Much happier person now.

MLeh,
So true, so true! I have found that I am not the same around her, but it is not a conscience thing at all, I am not trying to be different at all, I just am. I can't really explain it (Other than the reality Distortion Field).


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Sonal said:


> And we had such a nice thing going on the other forum. Sigh.
> 
> Could care less if a guy paid or not. What I hate is a guy who lets me walk all over him.


which begs (no pun intended) the question; what are you doing walking all over someone, never mind some guy?


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> which begs (no pun intended) the question; what are you doing walking all over someone, never mind some guy?


If she's a Japanese masseuse with tiny feet, walking over some guy is her job.

A lot of the luck you have comes from the kind of people you attract. If your type is a bleach blonde with lip liner and an amazing rack, don't be surprised if she doesn't behave like Miss Polly Purebread.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> which begs (no pun intended) the question; what are you doing walking all over someone, never mind some guy?


I'm just walking. I can't help it if someone falls at my feet.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Sonal said:


> I'm just walking. I can't help it if someone falls at my feet.


what about walking "around" instead of "upon"?


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> what about walking "around" instead of "upon"?


If they fall too fast, I don't always have time to change direction.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Sonal said:


> If they fall too fast, I don't always have time to change direction.


now you know why men don't wear high heels


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

MissGulch said:


> Well, it all starts with not wanting to be chased with a knife....


Hey, I've been there. You've met my ex? 

And no, I'm not kidding, sadly enough.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

talonracer said:


> Hey, I've been there. You've met my ex?
> 
> And no, I'm not kidding, sadly enough.


TR,
Sorry to hear that, sometimes I wonder about people, I really do.

Things seem to be going well so far on my end, while she still seems to want her space, she still talks to me often and is very happy when she is around me (And she has a little look in her eye every once in awhile that makes me smile.)
Only time will tell, but for all my paranoia there is still a whole lot of hope and happyness that help to beat it back down


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

bait hook, toss into sea....


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> bait hook, toss into sea....


How do you 'bate your hook? 

Oh wait, even I think that's too far.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Don't worry MS, there is somebody out there for you too. Your inner pain with women radiates like Homer Simpson after pulling a double shift at the power plant.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Beej - this is a PUBLIC forum! Behave yourself.............

I won't tell.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Yack, this is all quite sickening. Such a public display of affection, sheesh!

Haha, I'm a monk. It's better that way. But I am happy for you, my one-time drinking compadre!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

MacDaddy said:


> Don't worry MS, there is somebody out there for you too. Your inner pain with women radiates like Homer Simpson after pulling a double shift at the power plant.


just one?
lots of MACSPECTRUM to go around....


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

talonracer said:


> Yack, this is all quite sickening. Such a public display of affection, sheesh!
> 
> Haha, I'm a monk. It's better that way. But I am happy for you, my one-time drinking compadre!



Merci Mon Ami (As Dr. G would say). You should come down to the Kings Head for some Wings on Sunday


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Perhaps I shall. Where is it?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Kings head is on 90th Ave and MacLeod Trail S (Just south of Heritage Drive)

Map Dont listen to the map though, it is a complex, and the Kings Head is right behind the A&W on 90th Ave there lol. Maps, pshhh, who needs em!


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Well, the plot thickens.

Last night I found out that she has the same feelings for somebody else as well. She told him the same thing, that she cannot possibly be in a relationship right now because of everything in her life. The thing that hurts most about this is that this is a guy she has told me is an ignorant assho*e (Though generally not to her), and while many might say I have the upper hand here being the good guy (The number of times she has told me how amazing and caring I am confirms this), I have been exposed numerous times in the past to the old "Nice guys finish last" routine, and I feel like I am standing on the tracks and can see that light barreling down on me.

Now while many of you might say this is the time to walk away and leave everything before I get hit by this train, which is sure to hurt like hell when it does (Unless somebody throws the transfer switch at the last moment), I can't do that.
She recently found out she has Cervix Cancer and I already promised I would be here for her for anything at anytime, and there is no way I could turn on that now.

Life, she roshambo's you like nobody else can.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, stay the course and don't fret over the cliche "Nice guys finish last". They don't, and when they do, they have maintained a degree of dignity and inner strength throughout the relationship. Don't fret about the oncoming train, or "the light at the end of the tunnel". Do what you feel best represents the person you want to be with her, don't push her into making a choice and stay to the high road. This may sound like a group of cliches, but it is the truth. Be yourself and you shall always come out a winner. Paix, mon ami.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Speaking from experience - my marriage was a bad situation and when I took the four kids and left I know that my entire world was topsy turvey. Things get overwhelming and I am sure that she doesn't know which way is up - everything gets confusing. You aren't sure who or what to trust, if you will stay on your feet or land on your posterior. It took me a year to get my head on straight, what with trying to deal with getting a divorce, the problems and threats from my ex,
trying to get a new home, job and deal with the hurts of my children as well as my own. I hope this helps you to understand how she may be feeling. Of course, I don't know her so I could be wrong but...............something to think about.

So if she seems kind of all over the place then she will need something or someone who can be stable and sure. Everything takes time. 

I don't know if this will work out the way you seem to want it too, just wanted to try to point out how things may be with her at this time. I wish the best to both of you.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> She recently found out she has Cervix Cancer and I already promised I would be here for her for anything at anytime, and there is no way I could turn on that now.


This may be very serious. You can die from it.

My advice for you is to be her friend because she needs you now. Don't expect too much. She may be scared to death. 

Sorry so morbid.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Cameo,
My parents got divorced, or started to, when I was 17, so I know the feeling of being in the middle of that type of situation. She told me that he wanted to know what she liked about each of us, and she said that I was the poster boy for stability, caring and security while he was the complete opposite. The only reason I can think of that she cares for him is because she is totally a mother figure, and he is kind of alone and doesnt have any real support. My problem with that is that I have seen too many friends end up with guys like that for the same reasons and they always get hurt, and I really don't want to see that happen to her.

Dr. G.
I always be myself, though being the winner also means being the loser sometimes. I don't want to make it sound like a contest or anything, because I really don't think of it that way, but she is the prize that I could not stand coming in second for, especially given the potential first place.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

> Last night I found out that she has the same feelings for somebody else as well. She told him the same thing, that she cannot possibly be in a relationship right now because of everything in her life. The thing that hurts most about this is that this is a guy she has told me is an ignorant assho*e (Though generally not to her)


this tells you a lot about her choices in men
if you want to support her thru her illness, that is noble, but as far as a relationship is concerned, steer clear
this one is trouble

i realize this is not what you want to hear, but a sober 2nd opinion usually is


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

MissGulch said:


> This may be very serious. You can die from it.
> 
> My advice for you is to be her friend because she needs you now. Don't expect too much. She may be scared to death.
> 
> Sorry so morbid.


Miss G,
It is in early stages right now. She is not worried about it at all, she has a very positive outlook on things. She has been through 5 major surgeries in her life already, and has been through worse so she just doesn't think it will be a problem. I am a friend right now, and I am not pushing anything because I dont want to push her away. Still sucks though, espeically since she wont tell anybody when she is going into the hospital because she doesnt want anybody to come and see her like that, even her dad.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, re your comment "My problem with that is that I have seen too many friends end up with guys like that for the same reasons and they always get hurt, and I really don't want to see that happen to her.

... but she is the prize that I could not stand coming in second for, especially given the potential first place", she is not a "prize" and you have no say in if she winds up with someone who shall hurt her. All you are able to control are your feelings towards her right now. These feelings may change over time. You control this, but not her feelings. Thus, there is no "first or second prize", just a few people interrelated in a moment in time.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

As I mentioned, I do not consider it a contest with a prize, it was more an analogy than anything else. And unfortunatly, I would not be able to stand idly by for a long period of time watching her be with somebody else, especially with somebody that I know (And she knows, she even said it herself last night that he wouldnt hesitate to take advantage of a vulnerability) will possibly hurt her. She and I will both lose a friend because of it.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

All I shall say, MacD, is to "keep the faith". Paix, mon ami.


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

MacDaddy said:


> And unfortunatly, I would not be able to stand idly by for a long period of time watching her be with somebody else, especially with somebody that I know (And she knows, she even said it herself last night that he wouldnt hesitate to take advantage of a vulnerability) will possibly hurt her. She and I will both lose a friend because of it.


I've resisted the urge to comment on this thread...but here goes. Free advice, take it for what it's worth.

Based on experience of this kind of situation, I strongly suggest you resolve yourself to being a friend and honouring the commitments you've already made in that regard. Don't try to steer her choices (beyond telling her diplomatically what you think), don't walk away if she makes a choice you see as a bad one, and above all (this is the hardest part), don't get romantically involved if the opportunity arises, at least not immediately.

At least take the time for her to get her life and head in order before jumping at the earliest opportunity. I know this is very hard advice to follow, but if she regains her health then you will have plenty of time for a real relationship to develop...or not. 

I just don't think it's possible to know with any certainty if a relationship is a good idea when one or both parties are going through serious turmoil. But if you can remain a true friend even if she goes against your advice, you will score big points, if not with her then with yourself. And being at peace with yourself is, IMO, the single most important ingredient of a happy love life.

Short version: be a mensch.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

iMatt, this is about the finest piece of advice I have seen so far. If MacD is to be a mensch, you certainly have proven yourself to be a maven when it comes to this sort of advice.


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

Dr.G. said:


> iMatt, this is about the finest piece of advice I have seen so far. If MacD is to be a mensch, you certainly have proven yourself to be a maven when it comes to this sort of advice.


Unfortunately, Dr. G., my predicament is the same as that of most advice-givers: the advice comes not from a lifetime of being a mensch, but from personal experience of the consequences of not being one. My two cents are merely an attempt to help someone else avoid some of my own painful mistakes.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

iMatt, as mama always said, "Wisdom is as wisdom does"..............or is that stupidity??? Whatever, your words were wise and came from some first-hand experience, rather than vicarious experience. Paix, mon ami.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

I have always been a mensch, or have always tried to be anyway. Thanks for the advise iMatt, it is exactly what I am trying to do right now, it is hard as hell, but I am forging ahead anyway.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, Excelsior! Carpe diem. Semper fidelis. Paix, mon ami.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

MacDaddy said:


> Well, the plot thickens.
> 
> Last night I found out that she has the same feelings for somebody else as well. She told him the same thing...
> 
> Life, she roshambo's you like nobody else can.


Ahh dude, I've been there. However, I wasn't head over feet like it seems you are.. that seriously blows. Now you're blindsided, twice. It's respectable that you want to stand by her in this unfortunate time, but man, to stand by if she's with someone else? Yikes. I couldn't do it.

Now I feel bad for not going out for beer and wings with you. Sounds like you could use it.

This weekend?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

i might be going to the Kings Head on Sunday, you are more than welcome to join.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Well, a final update for you all. We went out last night and talked for quite awhile, mostly about things going on in her life and how she feels. This weekend, the other guy was blown out of the picture, she wants nothing to do with him anymore, at all. She is very hurt by this because she did care about him. Of course with everything else going on (Her mom recently had a heart attack, the attempted murder trial with her ex, the cancer, you know) this just added to the pile. 
The last thing I asked her, because I needed to know, was if there was still a chance that we were going to get together, and she said she really didn't know, and that she didn't plan on getting into anything for a long time. I told her that I really would love to wait for her, but my heart cannot take the pain of standing idly by waiting anymore (She said she didn't expect me to). It's not that I am going to go and jump into a relationship with somebody or anything, but I need to start getting over this now. 
So once again, the nice guy crosses the finish line last, empty handed and broken hearted for the umpteenth time in his life.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

bait hook, toss into sea
wait for another fish to bite

she's confused and is a real "fixer upper"
thank your stars you got our early
put your thoughts and emotions into someone that is mentally and emotionally healthy - much better ROI


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> bait hook, toss into sea
> wait for another fish to bite
> 
> she's confused and is a real "fixer upper"
> ...


That is a matter of opinion my friend.


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

MacDaddy said:


> So once again, the nice guy crosses the finish line last, empty handed and broken hearted for the umpteenth time in his life.


That's one way to look at it, but it sounds to me like there's no real "winner" in this particular race. 

Anyway, you won't attract much interest if you wear your heart on your sleeve...but once you are involved with someone, you will probably need to re-learn how to do just that.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

well, the final nail has been driven into the coffin, im heartbroken, desheveled and downright depressed. I have been lied to and decieved, and I feel that all to familiar hollow and empty feeling inside that has plauged me for so many years, yes I am not angry and still want to be with her, which I cannot understand.
Of course you ask, what is causing this pain? Well, the fact that she told me tonight that she is pregnant, and it's the other guys. The same other guy that is the asshole, thats right. And as of right now, since she wants nothing to do with him, she is having a him sign legal papers that he is to have nothing to do with this child.

I don't know what to think, what to do or how to feel. I have been through many a thing in my life, but I cannot even begin to comprehend what I am doing right now. If it were mine, I would be happy, and I would be there 100%, yet something inside me says I still should me, while something else is telling me to tell her to go f*ck herself and stay out of my life for good. 

Just when I thought life was going to start going back uphill for me, it kicks me in the teeth and sends me hurtling back towards the bottom.


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## JPL (Jan 21, 2005)

Chalk this one up to experience. You will be stronger because of it, move on and think yourself lucky to have had this encounter but not the lasting burden.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

You've experienced a steady stream of dishonest behaviour for a couple of weeks and your feelings have been completely disregarded by this person. Care for a lifetime of it? Is she telling the first guy the baby is yours? Is she telling a third guy it could belong to either of you? 

Be nice, don't cuss, say goodbye.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Sorry MD - unless you want to be taken advantage of it is time to walk on and to do it with dignity. Time heals and you have a life to lead. You need to be commended for your generosity and for giving her the benefit of the doubt. You have given her more chances than most I would think but in my humble opinion it is time to move on.

If she has lied to you now then how are you going to tell what is true?


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> If it were mine, I would be happy, and I would be there 100%, yet something inside me says I still should me, while something else is telling me to tell her to go f*ck herself and stay out of my life for good.


If it were yours, you might wind up cursing your luck four or five years from now. Just think -- you may have been spared a more miserable future.

I have absolute sympathy, and remember that deceptive behaviour works both ways. Been there, done that.  

No need to curse her out or anything like that. She's got enough problems, in fact she's wallowing in troubles and dysfunction. You would be best off getting on with your life. You seem like a very good guy, and deserve better. Somebody more deserving will come along when you least expect it.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

We had a really long talk today, and we are going to remain friends. I cannot turn my back on her completly, as much as people tell me I should, I can't do it.
I have been through a lot in my life and to turn my back on somebody when they need it is something that I cannot do, I can however move on with my life knowing there is no chance of a future with us. This of course was not the way I wanted it to end, but love works in mysterious ways and kicks you in the teeth half the time, and while I am lucky I have any teeth left, thats the way it's got to be.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Dude, perhaps you should take advice from one of my favourite bands. They sing, quite wisely... 

*Smile, walk away.*


I feel for ya dude.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

don't walk
RUN AWAY and change your phone number

the woman's nuts

don't allow her to ruin your life any more by giving her the time of day or any anger

hang out with your buddies
go get drunk
chase something new

but do not let this "woman" take up one more sliver of your time
she's bad if not evil


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

talonracer said:


> *Smile, walk away.*


This may be the best thing for him, but I don't think MacDaddy can do it. He's a nice guy, a true gentleman. 

Some women are neurotically driven to make bad, destructive choices regarding men. It's her loss for the most part.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Hey, I'm right there with him. It may be hard to believe, but I've been stamped with the "nice guy" moniker more times than I'd care to admit. Cutting your ties is nearly impossible.. but at some point you have to realize it's almost masochistic, going back for more abuse.

If I'm not in BC next weekend, I'll take him out for a beer or 7.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Well good luck MD - keep your chin up.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

talonracer said:


> Hey, I'm right there with him. It may be hard to believe, but I've been stamped with the "nice guy" moniker more times than I'd care to admit. Cutting your ties is nearly impossible..  but at some point you have to realize it's almost masochistic, going back for more abuse.
> 
> If I'm not in BC next weekend, I'll take him out for a beer or 7.


hmm, sounds like i should have an infommercial

_fade in to scene of MACSPECTRUM on a golf cart with big smile and cold beer in hand_
*
"Hi! You want to be happy and without pesky baggage of a previous relationship?
I've made millions and now I want to share my secrets with you.
See this in my hand? It's called 'beer'
It's a Wednesday afternoon I'm playing golf.
I once was used as a doormat. Cared about girlfriends only to find out they had boyfriends and left me in the dust.
Now I play golf, drink beer and have female companionship without those pesky feelings.
How did I do it?
Call 1-800-LOVELESS
No more calls from girlfriends in the middle of watching hockey or football, playing golf, sailing, out with the boys, on a date...
I have to go now as it's my turn to tee off.
*

_MACSPECTRUM tees it up and hits great 275 yd. drive. Turns to camera_

*
Call now and you too can play."*


_Drives off_


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

As I mentioned before, I have been through a lot in my life, and having all that stuff going through your mid causes you not to think straight at the best of times, and having somebody there for you that you can actually talk to (Because they have been through similar issues and they are not jus ttalking out their ass) is something to behold.

In the sence of a relationship, it is her loss completly, and she may realize that later, but by then it will be too late _"The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you" - Unknown_.

Despite everything, I cannot turn my back on somebody in their time of need, especially when I know I can help them. I have saved about 4 people from suicide in my life and that gives me the strength to help people more, regardless of pain they have caused me. 

_"There's always that one special person that no matter what they do to you, you just can't let them go" -Unknown_

She has admitted her mistakes, and apologized to me for them. I can see in her eyes that she means it, and that for me allows me to continue. Some people may not be able to understand my reasoning, or comprehend why I do it, but that will not stop me from doing it.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> hmm, sounds like i should have an infommercial
> 
> .....
> _MACSPECTRUM tees it up and hits great 275 yd. drive. Turns to camera_
> ...


Dude, that's funny as $hit. I seriously had a chuckle. And I'd probably call that number.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

MACSPECTRUM,
If you were in Calgary, I would offer to shoot that for you too! That would be a good viral to send around. TR can stand in for you if you can't make it


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

MacDaddy said:


> As I mentioned before, I have been through a lot in my life, and having all that stuff going through your mid causes you not to think straight at the best of times, and having somebody there for you that you can actually talk to (Because they have been through similar issues and they are not jus ttalking out their ass) is something to behold.
> 
> In the sence of a relationship, it is her loss completly, and she may realize that later, but by then it will be too late _"The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you" - Unknown_.
> 
> ...


Then I wish you the best of luck and sounds more like in the end you will come out a winner knowing that you have done what you could for another human.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

MacDaddy said:


> MACSPECTRUM,
> If you were in Calgary, I would offer to shoot that for you too! That would be a good viral to send around. TR can stand in for you if you can't make it


seems like we have the resources for a viral ad agency
macspectrum does "ideas"
tr is the talent
and md is production

already have a name for company;
"F*ck 'em all"


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> I can see in her eyes that she means it, and that for me allows me to continue.


Speaking of which, you have one eye bulging out, the other has a pupil like a pinhead. Surely there's surgery for this.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

After much consideration and internal struggle, I have decided to turn and walk away. I took a week to get myself together and not talk to her at all, and sent her a letter today to say goodbye (Would have done it in person, but she doesnt return calls, whatever).
Granted I probably should have done this sooner like many of you suggested, but wearing your heart on your sleeve comes with chances and sacrifies. I am done with both of those and moving on. It will not be easy or a welcome thing, but it is the best thing for me regardless. Thank you for all your kind words and advise.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, it was for the best. I don't mean to sound trite, but in this case, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before." Paix, mon ami. Go forth and find that true "joie de vivre" in your life.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Dr.G. said:


> MacD, it was for the best. I don't mean to sound trite, but in this case, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before." Paix, mon ami. Go forth and find that true "joie de vivre" in your life.


You know, sometimes I seriously ponder if that is true. I know I have one relationship that I honestly don't know if I'd be better off without. The time we spent together was amazing, but ending, and the time after - just hurt far too much. To this day I still don't know.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

TR, the fact that you think about this in a reflective manner, regardless of the lingering pain, demonstrates that you are a better person for having "loved and lost".


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

If you have been through a painful love experience, it has played a part in shaping what you are. Wishing it never happened is wishing you were someone else. Regrets are fine, a man without regrets is a man without a conscience, but not having lived through the events would result in a different man. Not better or worse, just different.


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## William (Jan 5, 2004)

MacDaddy:

According to the count in the "Everything else" forum, this is reply number 194 to your cri de coeur.

Clearly, you hold this bulletin board's record for leg pulling. 

Congratulations!


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr.G. said:


> MacD, it was for the best. I don't mean to sound trite, but in this case, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before." Paix, mon ami. Go forth and find that true "joie de vivre" in your life.


Dr. G. 
This is but the second time I have loved and lost, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier (I believe it actually got harder). Will not stop me from looking though, I hope I find her one day.




William said:


> MacDaddy:
> 
> According to the count in the "Everything else" forum, this is reply number 194 to your cri de coeur.
> 
> ...


Not sure I follow you? What do you mean, leg pulling?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacD, it never gets any easier. Still, read what Beej wrote re "Wishing it never happened is wishing you were someone else. Regrets are fine, a man without regrets is a man without a conscience, but not having lived through the events would result in a different man. Not better or worse, just different." His words are truthful, at least in my humble opinion.


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## MissGulch (Jul 20, 2005)

MacDaddy said:


> This is but the second time I have loved and lost, and let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier (I believe it actually got harder). Will not stop me from looking though, I hope I find her one day.


Don't worry, MacDaddy. Everybody strikes out a few times (or more than a few), but mostly everybody winds up with somebody. Look at the stats...

You'll be okay. As time passes, this will slowly clear out of your mind and you'll feel much, much better. Trust me. 

In the meantime, we're here for you. There's lots of free therapy on tap from your friends at ehMac.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Ya know, sometimes people just try way too hard.

Relax, put the quest out of your mind and enjoy it when it happens without such vigorous single minded pursuit.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"Ya know, sometimes people just try way too hard.

Relax, put the quest out of your mind and enjoy it when it happens without such vigorous single minded pursuit."

MacD, don't listen to Sinc. What does he know??? He has been happily married to a wonderful woman, so all he can tell you about is how to help create a lasting partnership with another person, and to share part of your life with this person, all the while maintaining your sense of identity and integrity. What could he tell you about love???

Seriously, "relax" is a great suggestion.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr. G,
I fully agree with Beej, its just easier than said than done at this point, but very sound advice. It will be hard, but I will get through it.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Good for you, MacD. Onward and upward. Excelsior. Then, when you least expect it ....................... you'll see. Enjoy the ride.


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## William (Jan 5, 2004)

MacDaddy said:


> Not sure I follow you? What do you mean, leg pulling?



Obviously, you are very intelligent and imaginative. I think you do follow me.

William

P/S Incidentally, I think you would have a bright literary future ahead of you, if you should choose it.


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

William said:


> Obviously, you are very intelligent and imaginative. I think you do follow me.
> 
> William
> 
> P/S Incidentally, I think you would have a bright literary future ahead of you, if you should choose it.


Let me just be the first to say that I don't believe MacDaddy has invented a thing here. He has only given his side of the story, naturally, so you can't take everything at face value for that reason, but that doesn't make it any less true.

If you have any actual evidence that he's fabricated this story, I think you'd best put it on the table right now.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

William said:


> Obviously, you are very intelligent and imaginative. I think you do follow me.
> 
> William
> 
> P/S Incidentally, I think you would have a bright literary future ahead of you, if you should choose it.


And just what would MacDaddy's purpose have been in that? Maybe you just like stirring pots?


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

William said:


> Obviously, you are very intelligent and imaginative. I think you do follow me.
> 
> William
> 
> P/S Incidentally, I think you would have a bright literary future ahead of you, if you should choose it.


I am not usually the type of person to say what I am about to (Sorry Mods), but go f**k yourself you ignorant prick. I have spent the past two months dealing with this, have almost had a mental breakdown, started smoking again (Back on the patch now) and you have the indecency to say I am making it all up? 
Would you like to call my friends who I have spent hours on the phone in tears to over different aspects of this to corroborate my story for you?
I have never been so insulted before, how dare you.


For the rest of you, thank you for your kind words throughout this, it has been greatly appreciated. After I sent her the letter saying goodbye (Couldnt get her on the phone. I could have had more tact in what I wrote, I agree, but I was angry), she called me and spent 20 mins ripping me apart and saying things like she never lied to me about anything and I was slandering her character and personality. I won't get into the details but she basically told me I was making it all about me and what nerve I had to tell her off. She was able to make me feel worse than I already was feeling about the whole thing. A few of my friends said that she only got so upset because it hit too close to home for her and she couldn't deal with that.

Regardless, what is done is done and while I regretted what I said after I sent it (Even though I read it over a few times before I hit send) there is nothing I can do to make that better. It is over and I will be moving on slowly and painfully, but moving ahead none the less.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

MacDaddy - just ignore William - don't know what his problem is but it is *his* problem.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"It is over and I will be moving on slowly and painfully, but moving ahead none the less." A wise decision, MacD. For what it's worth, I twice went through nearly exactly what you have just experienced. In each case, I wrote a letter, although the letter said nothing out of anger, just hurt. While my first marriage was not successful, my second marriage has worked, with all of the ups and downs, for the past 10 years +. So, be yourself, and move onward and upward. Paix, mon ami.


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

Dr.G. said:


> "It is over and I will be moving on slowly and painfully, but moving ahead none the less." A wise decision, MacD. For what it's worth, I twice went through nearly exactly what you have just experienced. In each case, I wrote a letter, although the letter said nothing out of anger, just hurt. While my first marriage was not successful, my second marriage has worked, with all of the ups and downs, for the past 10 years +. So, be yourself, and move onward and upward. Paix, mon ami.


Thanks Dr. G! Its just the pain that takes the time to heal, though after this weekend, I believe it will heal faster than expected. One day, my time and woman will come!


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## William (Jan 5, 2004)

MacDaddy:

I have not insulted you.

It would have been insulting, had I said, for instance, that you had plagiarized a Harlequin romance. In fact, my messages have taken for granted that you have written with great originality.

I will therefore thank you not to insult me. It is unbecoming the kind of person whom you seem to be.

William


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## MacDaddy (Jul 16, 2001)

William said:


> MacDaddy:
> 
> I have not insulted you.
> 
> ...


Actually, your blatent accusation that I was pulling everybody's leg was quite insulting. Had you said that my story had touched you in some way and my writing style was original and I could have a career in writing, then it would not have been insulting.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"One day, my time and woman will come!" MacD, that's the positive attitude to take. Kudos. Excelsior!!! Paix, mon ami.


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