# CC's 500 Roast: Fun & Self-indulgence



## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

This is my 500th post! I've reached a milestone - halfway to my first millenium. And to celebrate I'd like to hear silly comments, humourous tales and good-humoured insults. Make this a light-hearted roast if you like. I can pretend I'm having a retirement party ahead of my time. 

I like to hear a good insult now and again. Maybe it'll help get some aggression out that's been building up about the war. I'll take everything in stride (although you may want to hide your e-mail and mailing addresses if you really burn me. . . kidding . . . kidding  ). For the mayor's sake, keep the language moderately clean.

If a roast isn't your thing, then tell me a joke or a funny tale. PB and MacNutt I'm counting on one of you two to come up with a real zinger.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, the only thing cynical about you is your handle. Kudos on #500. May there be many more after that, since you are a valued member of the ehMacLand community. A free cup of coffee or tea at the Cafe Chez Marc Coffee and Tea Emporium on the far east side of the Shangri-la club house. Tell them Dr.G. sent you, and it shall be free.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I guess I shouldn't have expected anything to deliciously mean. Although PB, MacNutt and Kuni have yet to post. I expect great things but I won't hold my breath.

Fittingly enough, today was my 500th post and this evening I wrote the last exam of my undergraduate career. Yay!  

As for the weather here, it's warm and sunny most day. It cools off a bit at night but then the sun is out in the morning to greet us. We're truly spoiled. It drizzled a bit a day ago but besides that it looks like the start of Summer here. I was amazed to here of all the snow that fell recently across most the country.

Thanks for all the kind words. Dr G. you'd better be ready with the tea when I make my cross country trip this fall. I might just make it out your way. 

It's been and continues to be a pleasure to be part of a high quality forum. I don't think I've once seen any ridiculous AOL abbreviations or the word "peeps." And I'm glad for it.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

500 posts and nary a grey hair.
how do you do it?
vitamin e?
secret shampoo?
grecian fromula?

please share


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, the last undergrad exam is always the sweetest. Savor the moment. Paix.


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## LGBaker (Apr 15, 2002)

Cynical Critic - why, we hardly know each other! I suppose I could invent a relationship. (I have known CC since he was a fledgeling of 400 posts....)
Probably best to leave the roasting to those who have known you for a while longer than I. Nice to read your stuff and congratulations on 500. Would you care to describe the Victoria weather for our eastern neighbours?


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I plan to savour it. It'll just take a few days to set in that I'm done. Then there will be a wonderful blissful period. The only problem is that could be followed by the fear. . . the fear of what do I do now with the rest of my life. But I'm not to worried about "the fear." 

I'm debating whether I should begin by lounging around without any clothes for a week or perhaps eating hotdogs and drinking beer in a kiddie pool in only my underwear. Both seem good to me. 









As for my youthful secret, it's a combination of cybernetic replacement parts, special effects makeup, nanotechnology and lots of therapeutic time on ehMac.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Have a beer and watch your favorite Simpsons episode. Good things come to all in multiples of 500.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

If only there were 500 episodes of the Simpsons. . .


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

if only there were 500 "favorite" episodes of "The Simpsons"
if only....


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

To true. I think most are classic and hilarious but I could only rank a select few (maybe a dozen or so) as my favourites.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Ahhh....Cynical Critic..you have reached a milestone, to be sure. A most pivotal moment in your young life, grasshopper.

Consider the pebble that is in your hand.....(_whoops_ I was watching a lot of "Kung Fu" on TV when I was your age...and I think I may just have had an acid flashback! I'll be okay in a moment or two) 







 

I'm back. Everything is alright now. More or less....









So...you are at an interesting juncture in your life. You are not quite sure what you want to do, but you know that you must make a choice. One way or the other, quite soon.

Well, guess what? Every single person I have ever met (including myself) has faced this situation, right about when you are facing it!

Nothing new, old chum. You just have to use what you have and what you've learned. Same as everybody else.

A quick heads up here. If you can possibly find some way to do something that you really enjoy, and earn money while doing it...then you will be a very happy dude in the long run. What are your interests? What gets you totally revved up? What would you choose to do with your spare time, if you could do anything that you want?

Let your imagination run free here. Just for a moment. Consider the possibilities. All of them!


Lots of people become plumbers or accountants or systems analysts or furnace repairmen or something....but a very great deal of them walk away at the end of the day and don't even think about what they did for eight or ten hours. It is "dead time" Just something they do for money. Nothing more. 

They go home after work, and then get down to what they REALLY like to do. Maybe it's restoring old cars, or painting portraits, or playing the saxophone or something. either way, it's something that really captures their attention and gets the passions flowing.

Some of my friends are carpet-layers or toilet repairmen or something, and very few really have a passion for their work. The ones that are doing something they really LIKE are far happier. Big Time!

IF you can do something that you really like...and make money at it...then you will be one truly happy guy.

Think about it...before you choose your path. It might make all the difference in the world.

Just my thoughts on this.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

One last thought here, CC...

I really LIKED working in the oilpatch. I used to look forward to each new job as a new adventure. I had no idea where it would take me, or what sort of people I would meet.

I just knew it would be interesting. And it always was!

This showed up in my work, and I get several offers to go back every month. I loved my job, and I was pretty damn good at it too.  

I got to see a big part of the world...and got paid pretty well at the same time! Try to find something that really interests you, while paying you a decent wage.

You will be a lot happier in the long run.

Trust me on this. I sh*t you NOT!


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

I agree with macnutt re finding a type of work that you enjoy. Hopefully, school did more than help you earn a living.......it should also have helped you learn how to live an enriching life. Travel is a whole new education, as is getting various jobs throughout the world. "Live free or die!" Actually, grammatically speaking, that should be "live freely", just as "think differently" is a more accurate manner of saying what I think that they were trying to say in the ad.

However, I digress...........where what I??? Oh yes, that I agreed with macnutt.......wait.................I have to go check the weather network to see if hell just froze over.......................no, I was telling you how to live your life freely. Whatever, "keep the faith", "keep on truckin'" and send us postcards. Paix.


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## PosterBoy (Jan 22, 2002)

CC hits 500 posts, which is a good thing. Meanwhile, the good doctor hs recently surpassed 2500 posts, over 90% of which are in one thread, in one forum, and he doesn't own a Mac yet.









Coincidence? I think not.

Seriously though, I can remember 500 posts. As I recall that was when i really hit my pace towards 1000. Here's hoping your next 500 are as interesting and well written as your previous 500.

--PB


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I guess I have to be older, crusiter and higher in posts to get roasted. I wonder why I'm so intent on a "ribbing." I guess having most my friends out of school already I miss a good round of creative insults. I'll have to wait for my "retirement." 

Well that may sound weird what with me being a young buck set free unto the world and all, but in fact it may be "true" as soon as next year. What do I mean exactly? If finacances come together, I will probably be going to New Zealand to work in 2004. And while I'm sure I'll have internet access of some kind, I imagine I might be much less available to post in my favourite Mac forum. Maybe it'd be better described as a "hiatus." 

Thank you everybody for your kind and encouraging words. Presently I'm debating if I want to attend grad school after a year off or not. And if I do, will I pursue English or Education. I'm thinking the latter might give me more working mobility and be more enjoyable; however, I'm undecided. Dr. G I'll probably start picking your brain about this soon. You've been warned. Mwah ha ha! 

Here's to another 500 posts. I plan to make them well-written, intelligent, sexy and whenever possible cynical. Although as you all know, I'm very much a sincere cynic. Is that an oxymoron?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, I was a History and English major, a Political Science and Secondary Education minor. There is not as great a need for English and Social Science teachers, but there is a need for math, science and technology majors in education. As well, males going into primary education (grades K-3) actually have an advantage over women in some schools. Still, do what you feel is best for your own philosophy of Life.


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## Britnell (Jan 4, 2002)

Blech

I have nothing to say. But since I am well below 500, I have to stuff my envelope somehow!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

What are you bleching at Britnell? 

On a side note, woo hoo new emoticons!!!


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## RicktheChemist (Jul 18, 2001)

.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Say....If you're going to New Zealand for a "hiatus"...

Being as how that there country is in the southern hemisphere and kinda "down-under-like"...wouldn't "lowatus" be the correct term?
















Hey...I made a funny!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

RtC came the closest to insulting or roasting me so I think he deserves a prize.







However, this being my celebratory thread someone else will have to give it to him. Come on fellas cough up! I want lots of imaginary gift suggestions.

Well if it's imaginary I guess I can come up with something too: I award RtC a man's hat filled with perfume and with a single plum floating in it. Enjoy!!!  

Macnutt were you making a reference to the TMNT movie with your "I made a funny" comment?


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

TMNT was a tad too late to be of interest to me. If it had come out in the early sixties, maybe. That expression is much older than mutant turtles, trust me.

And if you want to get roasted, then check out a couple of other threads. I've been zinging you all evening, old buddy.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

And I have replied, Macnutt. Thanks for the zinging. Perhaps I should give you the award now. Or maybe I'll just keep my imaginary award for myself. After all this is my thread. Mwah ha ha! I feel the power surging through me. My ego is inflating to grand proportions. . . no, nevermind that was just a bit of gas. Sorry.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

"...that was just a bit of gas. Sorry."

Yeah man... _whoohooo_ ...what did you _eat_ ??!!??

A dead raccoon?? Gak!


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## Kuni (Feb 4, 2003)

This thread is the most self-indulgent piece of tripe I have ever read. CC, you deserve to roast in the deepest depths of hell for your gall. Thanks *so* much for wasting my time, you shaved silver-back gorilla in a monkey suit. I hope your eyes spontaneously drop from your skull and find their way into your ears, where they torment you with their incessent rat-like twitches until you collapse in a bed of ripe elephant dung-

Erm, I mean, congrats! ^_____^

*kisses CC on the cheek and runs away cackling*


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Wow...good roast Kuni! So descriptive and insulting it gives me goosebumps up my twisted spine! I want YOU as a keynote speaker at MY next roast!


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## Kuni (Feb 4, 2003)

> _macnutt wrote_:
> Wow...good roast Kuni! So descriptive and insulting it gives me goosebumps up my twisted spine! I want YOU as a keynote speaker at MY next roast!


Heh, always helps when I know the person well enough to roast them....but, I'll do my best if and when the time comes.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

It's good to feel loved. Thanks Kuni. 

. . . I recommend you sleep with one eye open from now on. . .


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## Kuni (Feb 4, 2003)

Funny,







has been used as :yawn: in other forums I visit, so I thought your sentence made you confused and then yawn, CC.  

As for sleeping with one eye open -- I KNOW KUNG FU!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Hey! So do I! He's a great guy,eh? How long have you known Mr.Fu?


Oh...wait a minute...That's not right...it's actually a food, isn't it?  

I love the sauce and the noodles. I always eat it with chopsticks because it's traditional.  

No...wait..that's not it, is it? That's Kung Pao...right??

Now I'm really confused. (damn...this happens about five times a day. I gotta quit snortin bug spray and drinking after shave...it's beginning to affect my brain.)


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

MacNutt take it easy with the insecticides and shaving products. You have to perserve your remaining brain cell.

Otherwise you no function good in morning the.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Yeah...I might brain my damage. Wooohooo!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Correct-o-mundo!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Hey...I love correct-o-mundo! It's the sauce and the noodles, and....oh....wait a minute...

Oh darn. I'm way out there again...right? Totally lost. 







 

You know... my taste buds are totally aroused right now. Either I need to totally apologise to everyone who is listening...and then go off to bed quietly.


Or I need to grab a long sharp weapon and head out to stalk my prey. Let the monster that lurks within totally loose on an unsuspecting and peaceful populace...while they are sleeping, and then satisfy my deep hunger for blood....or....?

What to do?

Hang on...I'll be right back. I have something to DO! _OCH and AYE!!_







 

_Fraoch Eilean!!!_


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

"_Fraoch Eilean!!!_"?

I have this gruesome image of you with a blunt metal instrument cracking unsuspecting victims skulls open and then drinking their blood & brains with a large novelty straw.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Hmmm. . . I'll have to look up the MacGregor war cry. While Heather is the name of my girlfriend, I'm hoping it is something a little more intimidating than flowers on an isle.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

The MacGregor war cry is " _Ard-Coille_ " and I have no idea what it means. (Might be archaic french for "dog butt"). It doesn't appear to be gaelic, and a lot of early Scots stuff is in archaic french. The "_auld alliance_" and all of that.

Your plant badge is Pine. If you weren't wealthy enough to have a cast metal Clan badge, then you grabbed a chunk of the appropriate greenery and displayed it on your tam. Kept you from getting sliced up by your own kin in the heat of battle.

Mine is Trailing Azalea. Whatever that is.


BTW...CC, the gaelic word for Heather is "Fraoch" .

You could surprise your lady by whispering it gently into her ear at a moment of tenderness. When pronounced in a proper gaelic fashion the emphasis should be on the latter half of the word...fra-OCH.

Also _OCH_ in broad scots, should sound a bit like you're hawking up a big greenie. A little projected spitwad at the end adds emphasis and authenticity.

Hmmmm.....now that I think about it, maybe you should just call her Heather. Probably safer in the long run.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I doubt she'd like the spit in her ear but hey you never know.

I think I could replicate the sound. I have been learning German and it's "ch" sound is comparable to the Scottish one.


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## Kuni (Feb 4, 2003)

Out of interest, the french for Heather is "gruyère," Latin = "erika," Russian = "veresk"........English is, of course, Heather, or, sometimes, "that pesky flower that grows like a weed and has no scent."

And here's a fun little stat: 33% of university-age females in Victoria are named either "Heather" or "Jennifer." Okay, just a rough estimate. (Probably closer to 50%).

*looks around*

Well, that's enough interrupting for one night!

*straps on a cape and flies away*


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

A small section of garden hose works pretty well. Plus you can siphon gas with it! (We scots are a cheap bunch)







 

BTW...every highland clan has a war cry, handed down through the ages, that we all scream in unison when we charge into battle. It frightens the locals, and sometimes gives us a momentary advantage over the enemy. It is especially effective when accompanied by the skirl of the pipes and a lot of sharp pointy things being waved wildly about by a lot of hairy unwashed guys in plaid. (chicks dig it too)
















My clan's war cry is " _Fraoch Eilean_!" (which...oddly enough, is gaelic for "heathery isle". I was originally told it meant "leathery arse"...but I discovered the horrible truth some years later.)

Perhaps that's why the whole batch of us were shipped off to the colonies. A noble clan with a weenie war-cry...

"Sorry guys, you're outa here. Try Canada"

But it sounds great in gaelic!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

I've always thought that Heather or Jennifer were rather nice names.  

Perhaps a lot of other people did, as well, about twenty years ago or so....

I recall reading somewhere that there were quite a lot of "Rhiannons" in the adult population about twenty years after the famous Fleetwood Mac song became a hit.

I guess there will be an oversupply of "Britney's" in the very near future.

Oh well.....


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Laura was the name popular in my elementary school. I think we started distinguishing them by last name or nicknames. The latter which was usually not that flattering.  

And for the boys Chris was the over-used name.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

When Macnutt wrote "Hang on...I'll be right back. I have something to DO! OCH and AYE!!", I wonder if the origin of the word "doxie" actually came from Scotland?!?

Where is Macnutt these days???


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

You've got me. He's a man of mystery that MacNutt. He's probably out and about. I've been in and out of internet contact myself for the past week or so.

Dr. G. have you ever considered that you may have an addiction? The first step is admitting you're addicted. . . addicted to doxies.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

As i have mentioned in another thread, my working theory is that macnutt is somwhere like so, oh, "Langley, Virginia" (euphamism for any HQ for 3 lettered gov't sponsored surveillance organizations), being "de-briefed."


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Still, his silence all of a sudden is strange. I hope he is well, however.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Dr. G. I share your sentiments. Nevertheless, don't sidetrack from the fact that you have a problem: you're addicted to doxies.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

OCDD - obesessive compulsive doxie disorder


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC and macspectrum, I am in the 12 step program, but I can't seem to get past the notion that is expounded by step 1 that "I am powerless in the presence of doxies and I need to focus all my attention upon them at all times". I won't tell you what step 2 is, and step 12 makes absolutely no sense at all. 











Keep in mind that it is all part of my ehMacLand personna. I spend more time reading scholarly journals than I do caring for/playing with the doxies. Still, it brings a smile to people and God only knows how much of the Monster Thread was taken up with the topic of doxies............and NOT just by yours truly. Still, let's keep this fact between the three of us, in that I would not want to disappoint the others in our virtual community who like/want/need their daily "doxie fix" comment. Merci.


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## lotus (Jun 29, 2002)

CC, after three weeks without a computer, you can't imagine the joy I feel in being able to log on again. 

First congratulations on your 500th post and more important the end of one important part of your life and the beginning of an exciting adventure. Please don't rule out continuing your education. Macnutt and Dr.G have already given you some excellent advice, but you know me, I have to get in my 2 cents. I do hope that you manage to travel across Canada and then to New Zealand. When my daughter was in university she was picked to transfer to London for a semester. She loved England and considered staying, but from there she travelled Europe, worked on a kibbutz(?) in Israel and on to India, China and 
Australia before returning home to finish school. Travel and learn and enjoy.

Was this suppose to be a roast? Sorry, I was always taught that if you can't say something nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything so-----


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, I agree with lotus that travel is one of the best teachers you shall ever know. Personally, I travelled across Canada, the US and then Europe just after many of my undergrad and grad degrees. Still, whenever and wherever you go just remember that you bring yourself with you to any port o' call. Also, be sure to keep a journal.....and send postcards!!!!!!


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## lotus (Jun 29, 2002)

And find a computer to keep us up-to-date.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

lotus, imagine receiving a post card that CC sent from Nepal???? Especially since it would probably arrive long after he returned to Canada.


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## lotus (Jun 29, 2002)

Dr.G, if CC is going to New Zealand, it will be difficult for him to send a post card from Nepal, but maybe a card from anywhere would be nice. The world is such a small place, when my daughter was having lunch in India who should walk into the restaurant but a boy who had gone to high school with her.

Goodnight and will coffee be ready before 7:00 A.M.?


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## (( p g )) (Aug 17, 2002)

Gee...I noticed that almost all the people who have posted in this thread have 1000s of posts under their respective belts. It's as if I have stumbled in on a 1000+ club! I feel so...unworthy...to be a contributor.

And to think it has taken me the better part of a year to reach the 200-posts mark.


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## minnes (Aug 15, 2001)

I was avoiding this thread because i thought it was full of long hair intellectual, long hair types impartiing high falutin' artsy fartsy discussion.
But it appears to be just as silly as the rest of the threads here.
Oh well, my loss.
Not that Im against a meaningful discussion now and again
So what's the deal with MacNutt?
Is he AWOL?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

lotus, Canada to New Zealand -- CC sends us back an account on life in the Southern Hemisphere. Then, to make things interesting, he keeps heading west around the world until he reaches Nepal. Postcards are sent. Then it's off to a visit to England (if he is so inclined), across "the pond" to St.John's where we "screech him in" and make him an honorary Newfoundlander and Labradorian, and then back home at last.

PGant, you are a valued member of this community, and don't let the number of posts intimidate you in the least. They are just posts. It what goes in to each post that counts in the final analysis.

macspectrum, Macnutt was also an important member of this community, regardless of his politics.............at least in my opinion.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

> was


you know something we don't dr. g.?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Technically, my knowledge of Macnutt was from past postings, thus my use of the word "was". However, your point is well taken in that he is still a valued member of our community, albeit a silent one currently.


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## (( p g )) (Aug 17, 2002)

Good question macspectrum....where _is_ macnutt? I'm hoping that he's just gone fishin' for a while and will return soon. I always enjoy his posts, really. It keeps things interesting when you can consider and engage those with opinions that differ from your own. After all, what's the point in having a forum if everyone sits around nodding their heads in agreement at everything. 

Godspeed Macnutt

[ May 02, 2003, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: PGant ]


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

the macnutt mystery continues


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

PG, I agree that MacNutt added some spice to our community, and IS an integral component to the "Yin and the Yang" that keeps our tapestry vibrant and whole. It all seemed to happen so suddenly............one minute he was flighing salmon, and then next moment...........silence. Yes, very strange indeed.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

unless macnutt was/is the mystery ehMac member that left ehMac during/after the Envy News / Neil Yates / macspectrum debacle.

am i connecting dots or just pointing into thin air?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

macspectrum, I never quite understood that situation. I read through the thread, but I guess I did not have the necessary schema from other threads to understand what the dispute was all about, and why you were facing banishment. Personally, I would have protested your being thrown out of the community, although it is within the power of our illustrious mayor to do so, in that it IS his site. Still, for whatever reason, the "fuss" is seemingly over, and MacNutt has still not to be heard from recently. I shall not speculate on the cross-over of names/people, so I shall let this rest here.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

> * ...in that it IS his [ehMax's] site.*


As on several past occassions, I readily admit and realize that the board "doth belong to he that owns it."

I have no, nor ever had, illusions of ehMac being a democracy.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

macspectrum, I feel that ehMax has created a viable and vibrant community and that we owe him a debt of gratitude (or at least a donation). I have gained so much from the exchanges in this community, and not just knowledge about the ways of the Macintosh computer. I guess I owe everyone a debt of gratitude, especially after the initial "get a Mac or else" requests/suggestions/urgings/threats. 

(cue the song "We are family")


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Dr.G.,
I agree wtih the donation part, more so when ehMac was commercial free. I did send in a small donation myself after I first joined ehMac.

Even if 25% of the, over 1,000, users made a small donation, I am sure it would put an healthy dent into the operating costs.

Perhaps a small commission on private sellers, say 1% and a little larger one for commercial sellers, say 3%? Sort of like when one plays poker at a stag party, if anyone recalls such "barbarian" activities.

Seller sponsored forums are ok, if they are separate from the current rooms.

I realise that ehMax has costs associtated with ehMac, both hard and soft dollar costs. I am appreciative of the efforts, hence my donation.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

macspectrum, is it my imagination, or have new members been joining ehMac.ca faster than normal? However, many of these newcomers do not seem to be posting. Still, it is good to see new people come and join our community. There was even a person from St.John's who joined, but I have not heard from him/her since. I guess that csonni and I are the only regulars from NL. Such is Life.

Haven't seen CC lately, and this is supposedly HIS roast!!!!!!!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I'm right on queue. I don't miss a beat (except when dancing with my two left feet!).







I'm not in time but I can rhyme!

_My smart aleck comment:_ This is my roast but so far the oven has been off with you folk and thus I needn't tune in and reply.







Aaah you're all too nice. Except for Kuni! She's a dastardly fiend!  

Seriously though folks. . .

Thank you for the kind words *lotus*. I got your snail mail and was in the process of replying. I just finished watching the Shakespeare and bp part of the video. I'm glad to hear you're back with us. It's odd because my friend also had his iMac die on him in the last week or so. It was completely kaputt too. Maybe it was the iMac version of SARS. Glad your lil' Mac is up and with us again. I'll send you my comments soon, promise.









*Dr. G.* did you feed MacNutt to your doxies? You better get an alibi ready for the police to explain your over-sized meat grinder and the shredded bits off kilt lying around your yard.

I'm sorry to report that I haven't had time in the past week to read many (or any) posts. I was at a wedding (not my own) and have been working since my return. The first week back really takes a lot of me. I'll be back in the habit soon though. No worries.

I'm sad to report that this will be my only post for this evening. On the other hand, this makes me feel like some sort of (minor) celebrity. It's like an Elvis siting on a lower scale. Viva Las Vegas! G'night!


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

> Dr. G. did you feed MacNutt to your doxies?


now it all starts to make sense....
i fall for the ruse of peter s. and macnutt being the same
dr. g. does his "where for art thou macnutt" routine (poutine)

and i fall for it hook, line and sinker

my hat is off to both of you
you put one over on me

i hope the doxies don't develop indigestion or start howling at the tv every time jack layton or jean chretien pops up....


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Well, macspectrum, you've done it again! Now I have to confess that it was not all my idea, and that there were others in on this ruse, but we did have you wondering. Still, it all began when my vet told us that we had to put the doxies on the "right" diet if we wanted to breed them. I never quite got what the "right" diet actually was from all he was saying, so I did the next best thing -- not "what" makes the RIGHT diet, but "who" makes the RIGHT diet.............who is "right"............very right.........with just the right blend of salt and spice............fresh from spring water...............grown/raised on an island............where it's warm...............  

Thus, the plot was hatched by our covert team of operatives at PS&MSG Inc. I was fearful that MacDoxie was going to blow my cover, since I saw him at a dog show a week or so ago, and he noticed how large our dogs had become. Luckily, we have some insiders in the federal government, and there were some problems with his immigration papers from Iraq (even though he is born and raised in London, England).









So, now that the "cat is out of the bag", or the nut out of the doxies, where do we go from here? Do you want to read the last words/posts of the real Macnutt from the past 13 days??? They are rather long, rambling at times, lucid at other times, and with a combination of compassion, vindictiveness, self-pity, conviction, determination and enlightenment.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Dr. G. as one of your "Federal" insiders I except some sort of compensation still. Evil deeds are only truly enjoyable and rewarding when done with a side of cash or favours.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Good lord....this thread's got _legs_! It's taken me about twenty-five minutes just to wade through all of the nonsense. Now I feel slightly unclean. 







 

Sorry to worry some of you by my conspicuous absence, but I have been rather busy of late and could not spare any time to check in here. I would also like to assure all of you that Peter and I are not the same person with two different screen names. I am in awe of his abilities to generate emoticons and wish that I could do the same. Besides....anyone reading our posts could easily tell that we were not the same person. Couldn't they?  

Macspectrum: I doubt if I'd make a very good operative for any of the "three-lettered" government agencies as you speculated. I am far too ugly to blend into anything without being noticed, unless the government starts to infiltrate traveling circus side shows or Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum I'll probably have to remain a private citizen on a remote island. Sorry to disappoint.

I should point out that Sean Connery IS one of my heroes, though. A fine Scot! _Och and Aye!!_


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, you may take your compensation in Can $, Swiss Francs, doxies, Japanese Yen, rotten salmon, German Marks, or US $. The choice is yours, as is the tax implications, let alone the criminal statutes broken with accepting many of these "payments for services rendered".


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## (( p g )) (Aug 17, 2002)

Glad to see you're back, MacNutt. I was begining to think that I was going to have to find another person with whom to debate world events. 

Cheers to you


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Bring it _ON!_  

I'm ready.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

We were about to repost "The Best of MacNutt", but the war ended in Iraq and you returned to join us in our daily "mitzvahs". A few spoke of compiling everything you every posted on this forum, and putting it into a memorial binder. Then, I was accused of killing you off and feeding you to the doxies, Peter claimed to be you, you claimed to be you, and the whole project was shelved.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

*** never mind ****


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

I rather like the idea of "The best of MacNutt" being bound into a book. It could take it's rightful place alongside the other ehmac tome "The Word of Bob".

Hey...maybe I'd better get to work on some shelving! Where's that chainsaw?.....


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"The Best of MacNutt" 
Volume I -- Amazing Grace ... or how he was lost but now is found.

Chapter 1 On the road to ehMacLand, MacNutt is converted
Chapter 2 MacNutt's Revelation
Chapter 3 MacNutt discovers the healing powers of the Salt Springs
Chapter 4 MacNutt and the Holy Gruel (made from salmon heads)
Chapter 5 MacNutt meets the MacMutts (aka The Dynamic Doxie Duo)
Chapter 6 "Might makes Right"

This might take more than one volume. Keep those shelving units coming for volumes II-XXXIV


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

Dr. G. if MacNutt's many volumes sell well, we'll have to get you to publish a few books or produce some videos. I was thinking of such titles as _All About A Doxie_, _The Unabridged Doxie Compendium_, _10 Easy Steps to Overcome Doxie Addiction_, and my personal favourite _When Doxies Attack!_


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

How about "A Doxie Grows in Brooklyn" or "Night of the Living Doxies"....or even a sci-fi classic movie entitled "The Day The Doxie Stood Still"

The possibilities are endless, really.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Sounds like doxie heaven. Seriously, however, get over your obsession and get a life. There is a world out there that should be explored, a world beyond the boundaries of your imagination..............where doxies probably don't even exist.

Still, those were GREAT titles.









[ May 06, 2003, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: Dr.G. ]


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Check me on this....Dr. G is ridiculing some of the rest of us for focusing on his Doxies!!??!!

What the f*ck gives here??!!??

Dr G. was at about three hundred posts when he rejoined our little comunity...and, at that time, I was at 1800 or so. 

He immmediately expressed a desire to hit one thousand posts as soon as possible...and attained that level quite rapidly, through utter nonsense on a very specific thread...and spent most of his time talking about his Doxies

He then went on to two thousand and three thousand posts.....while talking about his dogs and withthout ever buying or using a MAC.

And almost all of is posts have had to do with his two wire-haired Dachsunds.,....

Rather than any real subjects.....

Hmmmmm.....

I think of Dr.G as a real treasure here at ehmac.....but I would have a great deal MORE respect for him if he were to be less interested in a "total score" and was actually using a MAC...instesd of a DEll to "rack up a BIG score here at ehmac"

Dr G....three thousand posts on a DELL!!?? When you are on a MAC Forum???!!??

WOW??!!??

Pretty audacious....especially for a very mellow guy like yourself....

Care to zero out and start from the beginning with a Mac?

Just like the rest if us??

[ May 06, 2003, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: macnutt ]


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Calm yourself, my friend. They are only posts and they are only doxies. I don't ridicule on this forum. "Make love, not war" was a motto I grew up with and have abided by since the 60's. Maybe I should utilize more of the little gremlins to denote when I am fooling around, when I am serious, when I am angry, etc. 

It's still a nice sunny morning here is St.John's, so I shall send you a few rays of sunshine to brighten up your morning.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

"Let the sun shine in. Face it with a grin. . . "


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"Smilers never lose and frowners never win."


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

i dunno about frowners not winning.
rumsfeld doesn't smile and he seems to be winning

"Get off my damn lawn you kids!"
- every time i see rummy, that is the exact voice i hear.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

macspectrum, it is the line from a children's song. CC started it and I supplied the next line.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I assume he knew that but . . . I'll wait for MacSpectrum to reply before I make an "ass" out of "u" and "me" - or some jazz like that.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

sorry, i was just reacting to the cold, harsh realities of the current geo-political situation(s) as it/they affect(s) and reflect(s) my current myopic view of the world

please continue on your merry way.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."

Everybody join in now!!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

SUNSHINE!!!  

Hey who is getting sunshine right now? I heard a nasty rumour that parts of Alberta got snow (again) just a few days ago.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"You make me happy when skies are gray."

Actually, after about a week of sunshine, St.John's is actually getting some rain today. I find it amazing, but the gardens actually need a bit of moisture. My wife's family lives in Calgary and Edmonton and they have been bemoaning the fact that a couple of weeks of golf has been ruined by the snow. I say, "Tough it out like the farmers have these past few years of drought."


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

What is this "snow" you speak of? Us folk here in Victoria see more flying pigs than snow falling.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CC, one inch of rain is equal to a foot of snow. When Victoria has to implement water restrictions on things such as watering one's garden, then you will see the importance of snow. Victoria, next to Montreal, is one of my favorite Canadian cities. Still, even the people who live there need water. Hope for a warm summer with sufficient rainfall.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

So far the rain fall has been reasonable. It was funny last Summer seeing the watering trucks with their tanks of water driving through town in the wee hours of the morning. However, low water resevoirs are not good.

I'll have to go to Montreal before I can judge. All I know at present is that I much prefer living here to Vancouver.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

From what I have been hearing, most of the water resevoirs in Victoria are pretty close to full these days.

And the weather is looking pretty good too!  

Plus....if anyone is short of water in this area, then just give me a call! My mountain spring runs cold and pure all-year round. 

I've got LOTS!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

"It's time I started bottling my spring water and selling it for $$$??"









I don't mean to be rude, old buddy...but have you actually been to a store recently? "Carley Spring Water"...bottled right here by myself and my family on good old Salt Spring Island...is about the best selling bottled water on the southern half of Vancouver Island. It IS the most popular brand on SSI, hands down. It is also available under two other brand names (we bottle for two other companies who distribute to all of the rest of the Gulf Islands and pretty much everywhere else on Vancouver Island).

And the CRD health board...who actually have to approve all of the bottled waters sold in the area...regularly request it for their meetings. It's that good.

It is, according to CRD health tests, about three hundred times purer than Evian or Perrier, right out of the spring. We still have to filter it (it's the law) but the filters come out as clean as they went in.

Carley Spring Water is actually featured on the menus of some of the finest restaurants in the area....and we've blown most of the big brands right off the shelf.

The lower mainland is next on the list, and we will be sold on the BC ferries by this summer.

And I agree with you that most bottled waters are just filtered tap water. This fact has not escaped the Federal government, either. They will have legislation in place by the end of 2003 that will force each company to clearly state where they get their water from.

An awful LOT of outfits that call themselves "spring" or "glacier" will have to put the words :"source:municipal standpipe" on their labels. In fairly lage print, by the way.

We just had a visit from a lady by the name of Claire Sharp, who is the Federal government official in charge of labeling for all of BC. She was here to confirm our source. 

She told us that we were "one of a SMALL handful" of companies in all of the country who will be able to market our water as "mountain spring water from the source" after the new regs kick in.

 

I'm betting that a great many regular buyers of bottled water...and there are more of them every single day...will NOT want to buy something that is labeled as originating in a city water supply.

I sure wouldn't.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

macnutt,
how much to get me a case of that SSI water shipped to me here in Hawgtown?


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

MacNutt it's time you started bottling your spring water and selling it for $$$ in bottles. The key is to have a catchy name and ad campaign. Although considering other bottled water companies, you could just use any tap water for the product.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

For you, Michael, just cover the shipping.  

We normally move it in heavy plastic milk crates, but i can send it to you in a cardboard box (we tried out cardboard early on, and I still have quite a few boxes left over) 

There are a dozen one-litre bottles per box and the weight is approx 35lbs. Four 4-litre bottles (our most popular size) weighs in at forty pounds.

Shipping costs would depend on what method you prefer. Let me know.

BTW....I will be in the USA with the drag race team for the long weekend so I may not be able to reply till monday or thereabouts.


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

as for shipping costs, slow and cheap is good
i imagine that a case of SSI water costs a couple of bucks

let me know what the cost is and I can send you a cheque to cover the amount or via PayPal if you have an account.

I would use my FedEx account but it is for Express (aka expensive for heavy items) service only. FedEx Ground is actually a separate company and my account doesn't extend to FedEx Ground.

Let me know how and how much to pay ya for shipping. Very kind of you to offer as such.

This would be for home use so I would take the 4 x 4 litre package.

postal code for shipping is M8X 1Y3

I'll email you my shipping particulars.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I rarely buy bottled water MacNutt and I've never done so on SSI because our tap water there is superb.

Seeing as I got this transaction going, what's my cut?


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Actually CC, I'm not charging him anything and he's paying the shipping. I'm thinking that your "cut" would be worth about zip, based on that.   

But a hearty "thanks anyway" for setting up the deal.  

BTW....next time you're in a major grocery store (except Thrifty's) check out the bottled water aisle. We are big time in the 4litre biz (milk jug size). SSI products are taking the world by storm. YEEE HAAWWWW!!


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I realize you weren't charging anything MacNutt, which was part of the humour of my joke. I do happen to think you caught that but I wasn't absolutely sure.  

All I need to do now it get my own SSI product to take the world by storm. What will it be? What will it be . . .


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

We have soap (and I see there's a SSI Soap Works in Victoria now). We have lots of goat cheese. I saw people eating it at Spinnaker's Brew Pub this evening. We have bottled water. We have arts & crafts a plenty. We have organic produce. 

What's left for me . . . it has to be something unique. . . something suiting to my personality . . . something that a mad inventor could make and market . . .


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Gumboots.

Think about it.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

How about gumboots actually made out of bubble gum? Huh? huh?


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Sounds like a sticky business.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I wouldn't have it any other way!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

I FLEER for your soul CC.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I'd recommend running shoes then over gum boots - unless you plan to run through a swamp or marshlands.


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I can see it now:

ALL NATURAL HEMP RUNNING BOOTS!

FORGOT NIKE, REEBOK, ADIDAS AND THE REST!

THE FEEL AND PRACTICALITY OF GUM BOOTS THAT FEEL AND WEAR LIKE RUNNERS! YOU'LL NEVER WEAR ANOTHER SHOE AGAIN! AND INSTEAD OF TURFING YOUR WORN OUT SHOES WHEN YOU NEED A NEW PAIR, YOU CAN SMOKE YOUR HEMP RUNNING BOOTS (not recommended without access to chips or other munchies).

These could sell really well especially with the forthcoming marijuana legislation changes. Granted hemp and marijuana are not exactly the same and you generally don't smoke the former but perhaps I can chemically engineer something to solve this also. . .


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Cynical Critic...you must KNOW that the word "Hemp" is just a code term for the fibrous stem that is left over after you have sold off all of the psychoactive buds from your "garden".

I mean no offence here...but get real!







 

I don't participate in the trade anymore...or partake in the final results of the cash crop. Not for a few years now. These days, I'm totally clean.

But I still know what goes on. I imagine you do, as well.

So...I just have to point out that a set of fast and flexible running shoes that LOOK like "Gumboots" would sell very well among the displaced Scots on this island.

Especially if they were made out of long-wearing hemp!

Heck...the sheep wouldn't know the difference! But we would be able to flee the scene silently and swiftly.

This is a GOOD thing!

Let me know when you are going into production. I WANT a set!!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

So...how about THIS then....running shoes that _look_ like gumboots?







 

Or, you could produce something out of hemp. Now _that's_ a product that is closely associated with our favorite island, is it not? Pretty durable fibre, as well.

Say! How about running shoes made out of hemp that looked like gumboots? The Scots would be wild for them!! (I already want a pair). 

Let me know when youy plan to start production, I'll be first on the list to order a pair!









This could be REALLY big!! I smell a winner here! (well...I smell something, anyway)


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## Cynical Critic (Sep 2, 2002)

I want a set too. Let's fire up the production line.

As for the hemp vs. marijuana thing, I was aware of it and had some fantasy about incorporating both to attract the many stoners in B.C. However, I think the better route is making a marijuana line of the boots later on when pot is legalized. You know a ton of orders will be going out to Ottawa. But, on the other hand, we better get this idea moving before Chrétien is out! Martin might not be as willing to play ball.


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