# Women - the point system



## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

In the world of romance, these rules applies to
the men: 
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
points. 
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. 
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. 
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system

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SIMPLE DUTIES:

You make the bed. (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)
In the rain. (+10)
But return with beer. (-15)

You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.
(0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is
something. (+5)

You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet. (-25)

==============================

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:

You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
chat with a college
buddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-4)

Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-80)
Really big breast implants. (-200)

==============================

HER BIRTHDAY:

You take her out to dinner. (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar. (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and
your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team. (-10)

==============================

A NIGHT OUT:

You take her to a movie. (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
And it's called "DeathCop". (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about
orphans that was featured
on "Oprah". (-15)

==============================

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to
get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to
baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts. (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."
(-10,000)

==============================

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION:

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response. (-20)

==============================

COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what
looks like a concerned expression. (0)

You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking
at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen
asleep. (-5,000)


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

excuse me while I roll my eyes.
sheesh.


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## gordguide (Jan 13, 2001)

The how to please a Woman thing can run into an entire book, or library for that matter. However, for the girls, I can save you some time on how to please a Man.

Show up.
Bring food.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

There's one other thing to add to the list, gordguide, but this is a family-friendly board. 

Actually the irony for me here is that in John Gray's book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, he describes the two different point systems that men and women use (according to him):

Women give one point for everything, big or small. Which I suppose is partially his explanation as to why the little things matter so much. Many frequent little gestures add up to more than a few infrequent big, grandiose gestures.

Men give a weighted number of points based on size. So big things are worth more than small things. And men give negative points, so things are punished. 

Now, I'm not sure that I buy everything that Gray says (though he makes some interesting points) but the irony here is that under this view, this is a very male-oriented point system.


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## poisonmonkey (Sep 20, 2004)

Sonal said:


> Now, I'm not sure that I buy everything that Gray says (though he makes some interesting points) but the irony here is that under this view, this is a very male-oriented point system.


While that may be true, if Gray could actually figure out a female-oriented point system, he would have figured out females. And if he did that, he'd be a billionaire. Or would have been assasinated for divulging secrets of the universe


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

> Show up.
> Bring food.


With breast implants...
Really big ones. 

Sorry couldn't resist.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Michael, actually, I score rather well on many of these lists. Many of the husbands of friends of my wife actually dislike me because their wives are always saying "Why can't you be more like Marc???" Then I get the glare from them. Being a teleprofessor, I have time around the house to cook, clean, shop and do the laundry. Still, the unexpected poems, or a single rose for no reason other than to say "I love you", and the other little things my wife and I share, are what I feel helps to keep us together after nearly 10 years (this July).


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

poisonmonkey said:


> While that may be true, if Gray could actually figure out a female-oriented point system, he would have figured out females. And if he did that, he'd be a billionaire. Or would have been assasinated for divulging secrets of the universe


Probably closer to the former than the latter. 
http://www.marsvenus.com/detailedbiography.php

Quotes: "Dr. Gray is the author of 15 books, including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (HarperCollins 1992), the number one best-selling book of the last decade. In the past ten years, over 30 million Mars and Venus books have been sold in over 40 languages throughout the world."


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## MacAndy (May 17, 2004)

I am in the same camp as Marc... since my wife is a stay-at-home mum to our two darling daughters [I'm outnumbered, I learned to live with it], she comes into contact with a fair number of other mothers at school.

Every now and then she brings home a story about how such-and-such is a prick [as told by the wife] and this couple is getting a divorce, because such-and-such is a prick [as told...].

So after being regailed with one of these little stories, I usually wait a few moments and then come back with "Kinda makes me look like a knight in shining armour eh?"

To which there is another few moments of uneasy silence. Followed by a glare [which is silent].

If this is then followed up with incredible <censored> bleep bleeping bleeping and a lot of <censored> bleeping bleep bleeping, then I know I'm set for a week or so.

If this is followed by a "so when are you going to finish the basement", then I know I ain't getting any bleeping for a while.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on... bra!

What on earth did McCartney have in mind when he used "bra???"

v v if my signature does not show up below it's because ehmac hates me v v


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## moonsocket (Apr 1, 2002)

MacAndy said:


> Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on... bra!
> 
> What on earth did McCartney have in mind when he used "bra???"


 Bra= Brother as far as I can tell. I watched "Dog:The Bounty Hunter" a few times and they say it all the time.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

MacAndy, I know the feeling. We Knights are not given much respect. Still, I love my wife and she loves me. I also know where the doxies sleep..................and I know who feeds them and takes them outside in the morning, noon and night. Paix, mon ami.


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

There is a problem when you friends spouses start calling you a knight, but your own wife is giving you glares!! What to do then?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Carex, you could try to show your wife the errors of her perception. Or, you could follow Dr.G's Two Simple Rules to Married Life -- Rule #1 -- My wife is always correct. Rule #2 -- There is nothing I can say or do to change Rule #1.


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## gordguide (Jan 13, 2001)

We have a slight variation of Dr G's rules on the prairies, but it amounts to the same thing.

Rule #1:
Don't piss off the wife.
Rule #2
There are no other rules.


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## Brainstrained (Jan 15, 2002)

Macspectrum, your advice is timely. 

Today is my wife's 15th wedding anniversary.

There is a bouquet of 15 roses waiting for her at home, plus one or two other appropriate gifts. I will be barbequing one of her favourite meals for supper and have just stashed a couple tons of her favourite ice cream in the freezer.

All that should score me a whack of points.  

Today is also my 15th wedding anniversary.

After supper I'm going to a Scout meeting.

That should score me a lot of whacks.


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## K_OS (Dec 13, 2002)

my wife and I also have a variation on that Dr.G

#1: the wife is allways right
#2: there are no other rules

Laterz


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

We should start a support group of the "Knights of the Two Rules". There shall be a DaVinci Code-like book written about our exploits in protecting the Golden Doxie. Or, we could go down to "Ye Olde Dox and Whistle" and have a pint or two and lament over the sad start of affairs for husbands in the 21st century.


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Yes, we truly are a somber and opressed bunch. The only problem with writing a DaVinci-Code like book is that Macdoc wouldn't read it and be left out in the cold!!


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## autopilot (Dec 2, 2004)

gordguide said:


> The how to please a Woman thing can run into an entire book, or library for that matter. However, for the girls, I can save you some time on how to please a Man.
> 
> Show up.
> Bring food.


are you sure it isn't show up naked and bring beer?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Carex, re MacDoc and the DaV Code-like book about all of us, if you write it he shall come.


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## iPetie (Nov 25, 2003)

K_OS said:


> my wife and I also have a variation on that Dr.G
> 
> #1: the wife is allways right
> #2: there are no other rules
> ...


#1 My wife is never right
#2 Because of my sensitivity, She is oblivious to rule #1


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

autopilot said:


> are you sure it isn't show up naked and bring beer?


haha!! Well said, autopilot!


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

uh no.

it's

1) be hot
2) the rest sorts itself out


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## Pamela (Feb 20, 2003)

ROTFLMAO!!! That was hilarious! I don't know if it was the tone or what was said....but man...that was soooo funny! Thanks macspectrum!


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## gordguide (Jan 13, 2001)

autopilot:
" ... are you sure it isn't show up naked and bring beer? ..."

Yes, I'm sure. Naked/Beer is an example of a woman's unconditional surrender; Clothed/Food is an example of a carefully planned campaign, which when complete, will result in the woman's decisive victory.

Whereupon you will be presented with the terms of your surrender, which go something like:

Rule # 1 ...


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