# Great TV show lines



## CubaMark (Feb 16, 2001)

*Following on Rps' example of Famous Movie Quotes, howzabout we do the same with classic TV shows?*

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly...."​


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## Macified (Sep 18, 2003)

CubaMark said:


> "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly...."​


WKRP

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood"


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macified said:


> WKRP
> 
> "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood"


Mr. Rogers.

"And that's the way it is ......."


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

Dr.G. said:


> Mr. Rogers.
> 
> "And that's the way it is ......."


Isn't that Walter Cronkite's sign off?

If so my quote is..... " it's green".


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> "And that's the way it is ......."



Cronkite on CBC evening news.


"Oh the pain, the pain. My delicate back is breaking."


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

Macfury said:


> Cronkite on CBC evening news.
> 
> 
> "Oh the pain, the pain. My delicate back is breaking."


That would be CBS evening news.......


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

But of course.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Rps said:


> Isn't that Walter Cronkite's sign off?
> 
> If so my quote is..... " it's green".


Scotty of _Star Trek _identifying an unnamed alien alcoholic beverage.


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

Macfury said:


> Scotty of _Star Trek _identifying an unnamed alien alcoholic beverage.


And one of my favourite lines from that series as well. Your turn....


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

I reiterate:

"Oh the pain, the pain. My delicate back is breaking."


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

Macfury said:


> I reiterate:
> 
> "Oh the pain, the pain. My delicate back is breaking."


Is it Felix Unger from the Oddcouple?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Rps said:


> Is it Felix Unger from the Oddcouple?


I think you have it, Rp. That would have been my guess. Then, there are his sinus problems in which he does that honking noise to clear them and to bug Oscar.


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## Oakbridge (Mar 8, 2005)

"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"


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## John Clay (Jun 25, 2006)

Oakbridge said:


> "I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"


Hawkeye, on M*A*S*H 




"And that's the kind of day it's been."


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

John Clay said:


> Hawkeye, on M*A*S*H
> 
> 
> 
> ...


John that's Lloyd Robertson's sign off from CTV news, but the post on my aching back hasn't been confirmed by the OP as felix unger, unless Dr. G. is correct.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Rps said:


> John that's Lloyd Robertson's sign off from CTV news, but the post on my aching back hasn't been confirmed by the OP as felix unger, unless Dr. G. is correct.


I am correct about Felix Unger's line, Rp. :greedy:


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> I am correct about Felix Unger's line, Rp. :greedy:


Dr. Smith from_ Lost in Space_. Must have said it about 100 times.


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## tilt (Mar 3, 2005)

Wonder why no one's mentioned "Beam me up, Scotty" yet


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

tilt said:


> Wonder why no one's mentioned "Beam me up, Scotty" yet


A classic line, tilt, but far too easy to guess.


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## Rps (May 2, 2009)

Macfury said:


> Dr. Smith from_ Lost in Space_. Must have said it about 100 times.


I forgot about that, I think you're right on that one Macfury.......


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> A classic line, tilt, but far too easy to guess.


Also a line that was never used in that form on the program!


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## tilt (Mar 3, 2005)

Dr.G. said:


> A classic line, tilt, but far too easy to guess.


Oh, OK. Just did not realise that guessing was part of it; thought it was just quoting good lines 



Macfury said:


> Also a line that was never used in that form on the program!


Sorry MF, I have never watched any of the Star Trek shows, not even one episode. The only Star Trek I have seen is the movie that came out recently, hence my error. Thanks for the clarification though. I guess this belongs with "Elementary my dear Watson" 

Cheers


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## Chris (Feb 8, 2001)

Everyone thinks of time as linear, but it's more complicated. It's like a ball of...wibbley-wobbley....timey-wimey....stuff!


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Chris said:


> Everyone thinks of time as linear, but it's more complicated. It's like a ball of...wibbley-wobbley....timey-wimey....stuff!


Good one, Chris. Haven't a clue. Sounds like a kids show on quantum mechanics and general relativity.


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## CubaMark (Feb 16, 2001)

*Doctor Who*, naturally 

How about this one:

Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows. How can you guarantee my safety?


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## tilt (Mar 3, 2005)

Heheh CM, the line i so good I had to Google it and I found the answer but out of respect for those who are really playing the game, I shall keep the answer to myself.

Cheers


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

CubaMark said:


> *Doctor Who*, naturally
> 
> How about this one:
> 
> Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows. How can you guarantee my safety?


I think that I have heard this line, but can't place it without a google search, so I shall be like tilt and pass. Good one, CM.


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## G-Mo (Sep 26, 2007)

CubaMark said:


> Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows. How can you guarantee my safety?


Farscape.

"I want to go to there."


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

G-Mo said:


> Farscape.
> 
> "I want to go to there."


My son thinks that it is from "30 Rock", but I haven's a clue since I have not seen that show.


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## G-Mo (Sep 26, 2007)

Dr.G. said:


> My son thinks that it is from "30 Rock", but I haven's a clue since I have not seen that show.


Now that's cheating... But, your son is right.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

G-Mo said:


> Now that's cheating... But, your son is right.


True, and since he has gone to watch the last half of the Grey Cup at a friend's house, and did not leave me with a new line, I shall throw it open to anyone who has a good line. Bonne chance, mes amis.


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

3 reasonably difficult - sans google that is:

1. I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

2. $200 a day plus expenses.

3. You just dumb son. You just dumb.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Sans Google:

1. Bugs Bunny
2. Jim Rockford
3. Fred Sanford.


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

Macfury said:


> Sans Google:
> 
> 1. Bugs Bunny
> 2. Jim Rockford
> 3. Fred Sanford.


Even that last one? Damn. 

(Also impressive that you listed the actual speaker - not just the show)


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

chasMac said:


> 3 reasonably difficult - sans google that is:
> 
> 1. I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
> 
> ...


Haven't a clue about the first one, but I think I know the other two. However, I have had enough turns, so I shall send you my google free guess via PM just to see if my guesses are correct.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

"And here he is...Gene, Gene, the dancing machine."


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

Macfury said:


> "And here he is...Gene, Gene, the dancing machine."


Gong Show. Chuck Barris? Saw the film recently.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macfury said:


> Sans Google:
> 
> 1. Bugs Bunny
> 2. Jim Rockford
> 3. Fred Sanford.


Excellent, MF. I had the last two, but did not have a clue about #1.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

chasMac said:


> Gong Show. Chuck Barris? Saw the film recently.


You got it!

Which film, the _Gong Show Movie_, or _Confessions of a Dangerous Mind_?


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

Macfury said:


> You got it!
> 
> Which film, the _Gong Show Movie_, or _Confessions of a Dangerous Mind_?


The second. Unaware of the first.

OK. No Google - I think this is a stumper:

"Picture it - Sicily."


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

chasMac said:


> The second. Unaware of the first.
> 
> OK. No Google - I think this is a stumper:
> 
> "Picture it - Sicily."


Sophia's/Estelle Getty's favorite trip down memory lane line on The Golden Girls


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Oops, I said that I would not guess ............ but I always liked her line. So, I shall again give my turn to someone else.


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## G-Mo (Sep 26, 2007)

"If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day, you can always change the channel."


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

Dr.G. said:


> Sophia's/Estelle Getty's favorite trip down memory lane line on The Golden Girls


Yes - she uttered it nearly every episode. Good to know there are other fans of quality tv out there, Dr. G.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

G-Mo said:


> "If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day, you can always change the channel."


Good one, G-Mo. That was one of this show's classic lines from one of the best episodes of this show ............ and this character was one of my favorite characters. Thanks for this trip down memory lane, in that I had not thought of this show for a couple of year. Merci, mon ami.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

chasMac said:


> Yes - she uttered it nearly every episode. Good to know there are other fans of quality tv out there, Dr. G.


She was the direct opposite of my grandmother who would never speak of the old country (Russia -- she was forced out of Russia by the Czar's edicts and the pogroms).


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## G-Mo (Sep 26, 2007)

Dr.G. said:


> Good one, G-Mo. That was one of this show's classic lines from one of the best episodes of this show ............ and this character was one of my favorite characters. Thanks for this trip down memory lane, in that I had not thought of this show for a couple of year. Merci, mon ami.


I think it's only fair that if this is not answered by morning, Dr. G should feel free to course correct and post the answer, he clearly knows, and move this along...

I'm off to bed now, I have to fly for 24 hours with a 4 month old tomorrow, I have a felling I am going go need all the sleep I can get!!


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## fjnmusic (Oct 29, 2006)

Here's one for all you cable fans:

"And now, time for the weather. Tiffany?"


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

G-Mo said:


> I think it's only fair that if this is not answered by morning, Dr. G should feel free to course correct and post the answer, he clearly knows, and move this along...
> 
> I'm off to bed now, I have to fly for 24 hours with a 4 month old tomorrow, I have a felling I am going go need all the sleep I can get!!


This was a classic line spoken by Reverend Jim "Iggy" Ignatowski, played by Christopher Lloyd, in Taxi. He wanted to be the best taxi driver he could become so as to get what he wanted most in life -- televisions.

I shall let fjn's line be my contribution to this thread.


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## fjnmusic (Oct 29, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> This was a classic line spoken by Reverend Jim "Iggy" Ignatowski, played by Christopher Lloyd, in Taxi. He wanted to be the best taxi driver he could become so as to get what he wanted most in life -- televisions.
> 
> I shall let fjn's line be my contribution to this thread.


Taxi was a great show. Looks like I'll need to offer a hint on my offering: vampire king of Louisiana.


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## fjnmusic (Oct 29, 2006)

fjnmusic said:


> Taxi was a great show. Looks like I'll need to offer a hint on my offering: vampire king of Louisiana.


OK one more hint. It's based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels. But now I need a character name as well as the series.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

fjnmusic said:


> OK one more hint. It's based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels. But now I need a character name as well as the series.


Sorry, fjn, these seem like good hints, but nothing comes to mind and I don't want to use google.com


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## fjnmusic (Oct 29, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> Sorry, fjn, these seem like good hints, but nothing comes to mind and I don't want to use google.com


Fair enough. It's Russell Edginton in HBO's True Blood. Looks like no points this round. Why don't you try something a little more accessible, Dr. G.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

fjnmusic said:


> Fair enough. It's Russell Edginton in HBO's True Blood. Looks like no points this round. Why don't you try something a little more accessible, Dr. G.


Here's an easy one for folks my age, in that this was a classic sign off. Sadly, I don't think would fly these days on a prime time regular network show, but this person was genuine in his wish -- "Good night and may God bless".


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Red Skelton


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

SINC said:


> Red Skelton


Yes, I figured that you would get this one, in that he is a favorite TV comic for us both. Kudos, mon ami. Paix.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

"Oh, there's just one more thing . . ."


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

SINC said:


> "Oh, there's just one more thing . . ."


Good one, Sinc. Always wanted a rumpled raincoat like the one he wore.


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## chuckster (Nov 30, 2003)

Sounds like Columbo with that raised hand in the air as he turns around. Good old Peter Falk.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

FJN: Figured it was Trrue Blood, but not enough of an expert to put the nail in the coffin, so to spak.

SINC's is Columbo in... _Columbo_.

Here's one that's a little more off the track. A catchphrase on a vintage TV show. The name of the character is not required, just the program:

"Who was there Sarge, you or me?"


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Yeah, Columbo was right.

Was that Sgt. Bilko?


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Not Bilko. Not a comedy.


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## DR Hannon (Jan 21, 2007)

I want to say "Hill Street Blues"


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

For some reason I am thinking Dragnet.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

War time series. Speaker chews a wad of gum when nervous and blows bubbles with it.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Rat Patrol?


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## DR Hannon (Jan 21, 2007)

Tour of Duty?


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## DR Hannon (Jan 21, 2007)

or China Beach?


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

SINC said:


> Rat Patrol?


Bingo!


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Didn't know the line but your hint made me think of the show.

"There ya go."


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

McCloud


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Yep, your go.


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

Walk *this* way please.


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

John Cleese (Minister or Ministrey of silly walks) Monty Python


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

BigDL said:


> John Cleese (Minister or Ministrey of silly walks) Monty Python


Probably but not the one I am thinking of.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

eMacMan said:


> Walk *this* way please.


Mr. Humphries on _Are You Being Served?_


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

Macfury said:


> Mr. Humphries on _Are You Being Served?_


That's the trademark line.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

I'll pass my turn since I'm going to be out for the evening.


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## eMacMan (Nov 27, 2006)

Macfury said:


> I'll pass my turn since I'm going to be out for the evening.


Ditto so just jump in if you have one.


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## John Clay (Jun 25, 2006)

"He's got the drop on us, Tex"


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

John Clay said:


> "He's got the drop on us, Tex"


That was from an episode of MASH on just last week. Good one.


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## bryanc (Jan 16, 2004)

Dr.G. said:


> That was from an episode of MASH on just last week.


Good grief... is that still on the air? My mom used to love M*A*S*H, but the laugh-track drove my dad bonkers. About 20 years ago I remember him complaining that "that bloody show has been on TV for longer than the war was on!" I can only imagine what he'd say now.

That being said, if M*A*S*H is still on, perhaps some of the other great shows of the 70's are still lurking in the hinterland of satellite cable? "Barney Miller" "Columbo" "Star Trek" (the original series... or better yet, the animated version with all the Larry Niven and Pohl Anderson plots), "All in the Family"...are any of these still on? I might have to get a TV.

Apropos to the thread (and sorry for barging in), here's a quote I remember vividly:

"Barney; about that raise..?"


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## fjnmusic (Oct 29, 2006)

And another, in case you can't get the first one:

Make it so.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Yes, bryanc, MASH, Barney Miller. All in the Family, Golden Girls, Mary Tyler Moore Show, and both Bob Newhart shows are on each day ......... Comedy Gold station.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

fjnmusic said:


> And another, in case you can't get the first one:
> 
> Make it so.


Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

How about:

"I can see it now, 'McMahon, Tate and Stevens.' One day, that's just how it's going to read."


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## chuckster (Nov 30, 2003)

Bewitched. Darren's boss was a great character.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Yep! Your go, Chuckster.


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## chuckster (Nov 30, 2003)

And that's the way it is. ...


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

chuckster said:


> And that's the way it is. ...


Sorry, but it's been used:



Dr.G. said:


> "And that's the way it is ......."


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

chuckster said:


> And that's the way it is. ...


YouTube - Walter Cronkite - On his "that's the way it is" signoff

Good old, Walter. The most trusted man in America.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

YouTube - JOHNNY CARSON SKIT RONALD REAGAN JAMES WATT

Enjoy a Carson classic moment.


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## chuckster (Nov 30, 2003)

Sorry about that Chief.


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## Oakbridge (Mar 8, 2005)

chuckster said:


> Sorry about that Chief.


Maxwell Smart in Get Smart


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Here's another easy one, and a classic TV line.

"As God is my witness, I thought that turkeys could fly."


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## chasMac (Jul 29, 2008)

Dr.G. said:


> Here's another easy one, and a classic TV line.
> 
> "As God is my witness, I thought that turkeys could fly."


My favourite line ever. But hasn't this been posted - first one I think.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Carlson the boss on WKRP In Cincinnati?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

SINC said:


> Carlson the boss on WKRP In Cincinnati?


Yup. Great Thanksgiving moment, especially with Les Nessman reporting from the parking lot.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

OK, try this:

"Blow in my ear and I'll follow you anywhere."


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

Laugh In Arty Johnson, Ruth Buzzy et al.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Yep, Laugh-In, but it was Dick Martin who said it.

Next.


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

"Gooollly"


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## kps (May 4, 2003)

Easy...Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle

pass...


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

kps said:


> Easy...Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle
> 
> pass...


Good guess, rps. I was really stumped at the spelling of "Golly!" I was not thinking of GP's North Carolina accent. :lmao:


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## kps (May 4, 2003)

Well since no one is acting on my pass, I'm post one:

"I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking! "


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Something from "Welcome Back Kotter?"


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## kps (May 4, 2003)

Nyet, further back...


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Ah, Groucho perhaps?


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## kps (May 4, 2003)

Nope.

Big tip: A western with a Canadian connection...


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

Jake of Jake and the kid?


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Bonanza, Lorne Green?


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## kps (May 4, 2003)

SINC said:


> Bonanza, Lorne Green?


Ding, ding, ding...we have a winnah!

Take it away SINC.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Hmmmm, how about this:

"Folks, I've just received a special news bulletin: "You have something on your front tooth.""


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

That just has to be Ted Baxter on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Mary was always passing him notes with some info other than the news item .... which he would read out loud. TMTM Show is now on Comedy Gold and it is still funny.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Correct you are sir, carry on.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

"Buy thermometers in the wintertime. They're much lower then." 

FYI -- When the person who told this joke said it, I have to admit that I went to my mother to explain what it meant. This is why I remember it from one of my favorite TV shows when I was growing up.


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## whatiwant (Feb 21, 2008)

"Are you havin' a laugh?... Is he havin' a laugh?"


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Dr.G. said:


> "Buy thermometers in the wintertime. They're much lower then."
> 
> FYI -- When the person who told this joke said it, I have to admit that I went to my mother to explain what it meant. This is why I remember it from one of my favorite TV shows when I was growing up.


The Honeymooners?


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr. G: Although it may surprise you, the show involving the person who used that line was largely local--NYC, L.A. and Detroit, and only briefly emerged on network TV. Slim chance that anyone will get it unless they lived in those markets.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

SINC said:


> The Honeymooners?


No, not really close on this one.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macfury said:


> Dr. G: Although it may surprise you, the show involving the person who used that line was largely local--NYC, L.A. and Detroit, and only briefly emerged on network TV. Slim chance that anyone will get it unless they lived in those markets.


True, Macfury. I did not think of that reality. So, maybe I should withdraw that one. Paix, mon ami.


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> True, Macfury. I did not think of that reality. So, maybe I should withdraw that one. Paix, mon ami.


Dr. G: I know somebody who owns White Fang and Black Tooth.


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## hayesk (Mar 5, 2000)

OK, time for the younger folks to have a chance.

"Good news, everyone!"


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macfury said:


> Dr. G: I know somebody who owns White Fang and Black Tooth.


How can someone "own" them???


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## Macfury (Feb 3, 2006)

Dr.G. said:


> How can someone "own" them???


The "paw" puppets.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

hayesk said:


> OK, time for the younger folks to have a chance.
> 
> "Good news, everyone!"


Professor Farnsworth in Futurama. Watched that show from the onset with my son, but we don't watch it much any more ............ especially since his Planet Express Delivery Service is in direct competition with the Doxie Express here in ehMacLand. 

Go for another one, hayesk ........... but try to include the younger crowd as well.  Paix, mon ami.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macfury said:


> The "paw" puppets.


I see. Good one. :greedy:


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## hayesk (Mar 5, 2000)

OK, here's a good one:

"Do we carry any Rush CD's in the store?"
"No need, I got 'em all on my Zune."
"You have a Zune?"
"Are you kidding me, nah, I'll grab my iPod."


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## JCCanuck (Apr 17, 2005)

SINC said:


> Yep, Laugh-In, but it was Dick Martin who said it.
> 
> Next.


'You betch your sweet bippy Dick said it!


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## John Clay (Jun 25, 2006)

hayesk said:


> OK, here's a good one:
> 
> "Do we carry any Rush CD's in the store?"
> "No need, I got 'em all on my Zune."
> ...


Chuck 


"You don't want to **** off China, and you don't want to send them back, so you gotta ask yourself, how secure is the INS detention facility?"

Edit: Really? "p iss" is censored? That's pretty dumb.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

John Clay said:


> Edit: Really? "p iss" is censored? That's pretty dumb.


Yep, really odd for a word that is used in the bible:

"But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own **** with you?" (II Kings 18:27)

Perhaps it is time to update the censor block to 2010? After all, it was in common use 2,000 years ago.


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