# test



## thewitt

1


----------



## Another_Paul

2


----------



## moonsocket

C

D'oh!


----------



## Chealion

D


----------



## SkyHook

>


----------



## The Doug

Uh, pick up sticks?


----------



## HowEver

7evin


----------



## Kosh

Slevin


----------



## The Doug

Oxygen


----------



## ColBalt

Nein


----------



## highapostle

Den


----------



## Heart

Eweven


----------



## DoNotPokeTheScreen

twoty-one


----------



## SINC

You all lost count by eight or so if you care to check.


----------



## ehMax

Habagazillion-bubillion.


----------



## jonmon

i will post here


----------



## macuserforlife

jonmon said:


> i will post here


I won't


----------



## overkill

'C' is for cookie and cookie is for me!


----------



## avra

This thread is ridiculous.
But I enjoy ridiculousness.

Vingt-sept.


----------



## guytoronto

I wuz here.


----------



## Atroz

Nobody put in the obligitory answer of 42.


----------



## T-hill

I was 9 many moons ago...


----------



## iBrodie

just passing through


----------



## The Doug

Off topic!


----------



## Thom

I used to take my lunch to work but now I walk.


----------



## Queue

Got it!


----------



## ColBalt

*37!* :yikes: 
In a ROW!!!


----------



## Lawrence

Brazil, Level 42 and the pirate plumber...


----------



## HowEver

Colonel Mustard, in the Billiard Room, with the Axe.


----------



## webwiz23

Pawn to E2, HA HA!


----------



## (( p g ))

rosebud


----------



## DBerG

Rename this spam thread.
We're at trente-deux.


----------



## chuckster

The subject of word association (football).


----------



## PirateMyke

twenty bagillion million kazillion with another 50 dillion pillion bwagillion.....?


----------



## Another_Paul

Ah, now we are onto page 4...


----------



## Bill Baroud

Could you repeat the question?


----------



## macuserforlife

Yes, of course, it's about quarter past 4.


----------



## HowEver

Another_Paul said:


> Ah, now we are onto page 4...


You can adjust this in your forum settings... page 1 for some.


----------



## Trose

_That_ is a totally new, yet authentic, recording. Fantastic!


----------



## UnleashedLive

the colour of infinity inside an empty glass


----------



## ehMax

Like posts through the hourglass.... so are the threads of our lives.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nose-picking is defined as the act of inserting a finger (or in some cases an object) into one's own nostrils with the aim of removing a piece of dried nasal secretion.


----------



## (( p g ))

Test thread. The new Shang.


----------



## UnleashedLive

clearly blurred beyond contradiction


----------



## The Doug

That is the way it is, because it is that way. It is that way, in that, it is the way it is.


----------



## iBrodie

"In a perfect world you and I probably wouldn't exist, so lets not hope for one."


----------



## Thom

Two for the price of one.... here you go...

No matter where you go, there you are....

"You are only as old as the woman you feel" (Groucho Marx)


----------



## SkyHook

>


----------



## HowEver

It's always "room temperature."


----------



## avra

SkyHook said:


> I found some pants.


Might want to send them over guytoronto's way.



guytoronto said:


> I've lost my pants.


----------



## overkill

My glass is half empty  no wait! its half full!!!


----------



## Kazak

Smells like iocane powder.


----------



## T-hill

It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.


----------



## overkill

"Tap Tap Tap Tap....Tap Tap Tap Tap...." - Bob Ross


----------



## The Doug

overkill said:


> "Tap Tap Tap Tap....Tap Tap Tap Tap...." - Bob Ross


_"Flowbee! Flowbee! Flowbee! Flowbee!_" - Me


----------



## Trose

HowEver said:


> It's always "room temperature."


Not if you're outside


----------



## HowEver

Trose said:


> Not if you're outside


In your room, it still is.

But no, 'no room temperature for you.'


----------



## Cliffy

Umm yeah, did you get the memo?


----------



## AppleAuthority

I've lost my mind. Can I find it here?


----------



## The Doug

Milburn... _Milburn!_ That _dreadful_ Clampett woman has scared poor Claude half to _death!_


----------



## overkill

"Powered by the air you breathe and the water you drink!...its Oxyclean!" - The Oxyclean Guy


----------



## Atroz

AppleAuthority said:


> I've lost my mind. Can I find it here?


Based on the responses here, there are a lot of lost minds. Take your pick.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If you find mine, can you let me know please. I need it for Monday.


----------



## bryanc

Since this is post 64, I'll chime in whit the requisite Gadolinium!

And I haven't lost my mind... I have it backed up on tape somewhere....


----------



## Chealion

Will it ever die? Is it immortal?

Note: If it goes to 70 posts I'm going to move it to Everything Else where it can continue living.


----------



## duosonic

the beatings shall continue until morale improves


----------



## Kazak

If I get to 70, will my children move me to Everything Else?

If they do, will they drop in regularly or just occasionally?

After being at the top as a new arrival, I can see slowly sinking into a morass of stale jokes, no-longer-topical references, and half- and mis-remembered conversations.

Ah, the elderly get no respect, I tell ya. Why, I remember, back in '68 . . .


----------



## vacuvox

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........*


----------



## jonmon

so this thread is still going on eh?
here's lucky #69
who will be the one to push it into everything else?


----------



## comprehab

Blah!


----------



## The Doug

*Lutetium!*


----------



## Macfury

Four more trombones and we'll have 76.


----------



## iBrodie

catch yourself on big man. eg: see the band: The Kooks!!!!


----------



## overkill

and here we ponder....


----------



## Trose

Chealion said:


> Note: If it goes to 70 posts I'm going to move it to Everything Else where it can continue living.


_That_ is why I could never be a moderator. I can only imagine the complicated algorithm you had to use to calculate 70 posts. I'm sure I would have made a rounding error and moved the thread at some ridiculous number like 71.


----------



## overkill

maybe 76 is the new 70


----------



## Chealion

Mr. test? You've been reassigned! You still get the same pay but your office has a better view and you should have very similar clientele. Please don't try and burn down the office.


----------



## Strimkind

Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?


----------



## overkill

welcome home


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Free drinks all round.


----------



## The Doug

cogito ergo est


----------



## simon

excuse me please ... has anyone seen my dog?


----------



## The Doug

Yes. Wait - no.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Veni, vide, velcri


----------



## The Doug

Da mihi sis bubulae frustrum assae, solana tuberosa in modo Gallico fricta, ac quassum lactatum coagulatum crassum.


----------



## winwintoo

I can't remember if I've lost my horse or found a rope  

Margaret


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

simon said:


> excuse me please ... has anyone seen my dog?


I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea whatsoever.

Nor am I sure whether or not I have seen your dog.


----------



## RevMatt

Chealion said:


> Note: If it goes to 70 posts I'm going to move it to Everything Else where it can continue living.


Well, that explains why I hadn't seen this literary work before. It's like reading a James Joyce novel in progress...


----------



## MBD

semper ubi sub ubi!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Musn't encourage bare cheek!


----------



## overkill

Can anyone tell me how to get to Sesame Street?


----------



## The Doug

_Oh carrots are divine, you get a dozen for a dime, it's maaaaaaaaagic..._


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## overkill

"I'd rather keep the dollar." - C.M. Burns


----------



## bryanc

The Doug said:


> *Lutetium!*


I'm glad somebody got it . Now that we're at Americium, what will we do for post 108? Unobtanium?


----------



## SINC

Muitetul?


----------



## The Doug

bryanc said:


> I'm glad somebody got it


Actually, if you go back to page 1 of this thread, you'll see that I got it earlier than you thought. But #8 is in reply #9 because of "Slevin" in reply #8, eh?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Elementary my dear The Doug!

Bryanc, post 108? - Check this out for some ideas.


----------



## T-hill

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 replies to test...


----------



## T-hill

Oh what the heck! I'm feeling greedy!


----------



## Chealion

98 bottles of beer on the wall,
98 bottles of beer on the wall,
Take one down,
Pass it around...
97 bottles of beer on the wall...

Mendelevium!


----------



## SINC

97 bottles of beer on the wall,
97 bottles of beer on the wall,
Take one down,
Pass it around...
96 bottles of beer on the wall...

Mendelevium!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Glad that's the Actinides over and done with! Nice to make the transition.

Lawrence! You there?


----------



## The Doug

Mares eat oats,
And does eat oats,
And little lambs eat ivy...
A kid'll eat ivy too,
Wouldn't you?


----------



## overkill

What's the deal with cornnuts? Is it a corn or is it a nut?


----------



## Trose

overkill said:


> What's the deal with cornnuts? Is it a corn or is it a nut?


Yes.


----------



## Ena

Yehbutnobutyehbut.....


----------



## SINC

Ena said:


> Yehbutnobutyehbut.....


Thank you Costello!


----------



## duosonic

so, who's on first?


----------



## Ena

duosonic said:


> so, who's on first?


Bob and Ray, the spokesmen for the Slow Talkers of America, passing the bat to..


----------



## Beej

Does anyone know if Fuzzy Wuzzy was fuzzy?


----------



## ArtistSeries

Beej said:


> Does anyone know if Fuzzy Wuzzy was fuzzy?


Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy,
Wuzzy? 
Source = http://pbskids.org/lions/printables/stories/story_fuzzy.html

I just think he used bear-nair....


----------



## Beej

Did it make he/she/shim bare? Silky smooth and relaxing on the beach? 

Having no hair is hardly telling -- bears don't have hair to begin with.


----------



## ArtistSeries

Beej said:


> Having no hair is hardly telling -- bears don't have hair to begin with.


I'll send you a few back issue of American Grizzly magazine to find out.....


----------



## UnleashedLive

Can someone explain that dot to me?


----------



## The Doug

:love2:


----------



## overkill

What's the deal with private jets? Why do they have to be so private?


----------



## The Doug

Because I do NOT want Tom Cruise travelling with me at any time, under any circumstances.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

When I … do this ………… it hurts.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Dr.G.

HowEver, that is an old Jewish vaudeville act. We should sign you up at the "What's up Dachs?" Comedy Club over in The Shang. You could be a headliner.


----------



## HowEver

Wait a sec. The Shang is a real place?


----------



## Dr.G.

Of course, HowEver. Come on over and enjoy some tea or coffee at the Cafe Chez Marc.


----------



## The Doug

*<blink>i want candy</blink>*


----------



## djstp

i dont sleep. i dont eat... i disco!


----------



## SINC

djstp said:


> i dont sleep. i dont eat... i disco!


Disco, disco Duck!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

There is absolutely no truth in that rumour!


----------



## HowEver

> Don't drink, Don't smoke, what do ya do?


"Goody Two Shoes," by Adam Ant


----------



## Macfury

Picasso Visita El Planeta De Los Simios.


----------



## Cameo

I have absolutely nothing to say.


----------



## overkill

I have too much to say, but not enough time to say it.


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> I have too much to say, but not enough time to say it.


spill the words......


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit._ - Somerset Maugham

Never liked the cut of his jib anyway.


----------



## SkyHook

>


----------



## overkill

djstp said:


> spill the words......


well if I spill the words, then I wont be able to say them


----------



## The Doug

overkill said:


> well if I spill the words, then I wont be able to say them


So then just eat the beans.


----------



## Ena

I thought it was beans that got spilled?


----------



## T-hill

It's better to say nothing and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and prove everyone right.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

At last!

Something useful - the square root of 19,321!


----------



## T-hill

And thanks for the free clicking sound Snapple!


----------



## The Doug

_Thing, thing a thong,
Make it thimple, to latht your whole life long,
Don't worry that it'th not good enough
For anyone elthe to hear,
Jutht thing, thing a thong..._


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

T-hill said:


> And thanks for the free clicking sound Snapple!


You are most welcome!

I derive great pleasure from the act of giving.


----------



## The Doug

Click here for a free picture of Phyllis Diller.


----------



## SINC

30 days hath November
April, June and no wonder
All the rest eat peanut butter
Except Grandma of course.
And she drives a Buick.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A message from Daffy


----------



## Chris

You need a thneed.


----------



## djstp

The Doug said:


> So then just eat the beans.


beans beans the tropical fruit..
the more you eat, the more you toot..
the more you toot, the better you feel..
so eat beans at every meal!


----------



## Cameo

Yup! We're all looney! Isn't it wonderful?


----------



## Apple101

<img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b346/a429MySpace/Funny/computer_programmer.gif">

Reminds me of my Windows days


----------



## The Doug

Now is the time on ehMac when we dance.


----------



## RevMatt

What the heck is that?


----------



## Cameo

Went to a party the other night
All the ladies were treating me right
Moving my feet to the disco beat
How in the world could I keep my seat

All of a sudden I began to change
I was on the dance floor acting strange
Flapping my arms I began to cluck
Look at me..
I'm the disco duck.....


----------



## The Doug

RevMatt said:


> What the heck is that?


This.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Beej

HowEver said:


> Touch my monkey!
> 
> (Klaus.)


Been there, done that.


----------



## overkill

Monkey see, Monkey do!


----------



## Trose

This space intentionally left blank.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This, space intentionally left blank.

This space, intentionally, left blank.

This space intentionally left, blank.

Discuss.


----------



## Chealion

The Doug said:


> *<blink>i want candy</blink>*


<h2><blink>OH THE HUMANITY!</blink></h2>

Someone please stop the zombies from the 1990s from arising again!


----------



## T-hill

RevMatt said:


> What the heck is that?


Dr. Nick Riviera was asking that exact same question when he was about to perform open-heart surgery on Homer Simpson...


----------



## The Doug

_Name your game, name your game! Jupiter gin, Jupiter gin! Planet poker, planet poker! Five card satellite, five card satellite!_


----------



## HowEver

What is that thing in the road, a head?

What is this thing called, love?




Snapple Quaffer said:


> This, space intentionally left blank.
> 
> This space, intentionally, left blank.
> 
> This space intentionally left, blank.
> 
> Discuss.


----------



## djstp

'Its not about who you know, but rather..who you blow up!' - George Bush


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Trose

HowEver said:


> What is that thing in the road, a head?
> 
> What is this thing called, love?


What is that on the wall, paper?


----------



## duosonic

on the wall? 96 bottles of beer …


----------



## Kazak

"Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective. The next day he made war on articles. He reached a much higher plane of creativity the following day when he blacked out everything in the letters but _a, an_ and _the._ That erected more dynamic intralinear tensions, he felt, and in just about every case left a message far more universal."

- Joseph Heller


----------



## The Doug

_Alaaaaaarm Fooooorce!_


----------



## overkill

So all you have to do is add water? Thats incredible!


----------



## SINC




----------



## djstp

(insert thought here)


----------



## MissGulch

Her name was Lola,
She was a showgirl.


----------



## overkill

I'll buy that for a dollar!


----------



## Cameo

$1.50!! (What are we bidding on???)


----------



## The Doug

I think someone's going to dance.

$2.75.


----------



## Beej

$5.00 or I dance topless. beejacon


----------



## The Doug

Threat or promise?


----------



## Beej

Impending misery. Desirable fantasy. Dangerous mystery.


----------



## The Doug

What, no cognitive dissonance? 

Looks like I'll have to perform the Dance Of The Seven Beers. Back in fifteen minutes.


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> $5.00 or I dance topless. beejacon


Didn't realize your head was removable! beejacon


----------



## MissGulch

Number nine, number nine...


----------



## The Doug

*The Reviews Are In!!!*



The Doug said:


> Looks like I'll have to perform the Dance Of The Seven Beers. Back in fifteen minutes.



*"A Spectacularly Irrelevant, Erotic Tragi-Comedy!"*
_- The National Post_

*"He Put The 'Dumb' In Dumbfounding!*
_- The Montreal Gazette_

*"See? This Is Why We're Here..."*
_- Mothers Against Drunk Dancing_

*"Damn Swedes"*
_ - Don Cherry_

*"Don't Drink And Dance!"*
_- Labatt Breweries_


----------



## Beej

The Doug said:


> *"A Spectacularly Irrelevant, Erotic Tragi-Comedy!"*
> _- The National Post_
> 
> *"He Put The 'Dumb' In Dumbfounding!*
> _- The Montreal Gazette_
> 
> *"See? This Is Why We're Here..."*
> _- Mothers Against Drunk Dancing_
> 
> *"Damn Swedes"*
> _ - Don Cherry_
> 
> *"Don't Drink And Dance!"*
> _- Labatt Breweries_


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


----------



## ColBalt

OMG!!!111!!!!1
19 pages! LOLOLOLOL :lmao: 
That's Great!


----------



## overkill

I like apples!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If you prick me, do I not bleed?


----------



## comprehab

ColBalt said:


> OMG!!!111!!!!1
> 19 pages! LOLOLOLOL :lmao:
> That's Great!


5 pages for some of us...


----------



## overkill

queue "The Benny Hill Show" music!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Vexel

"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?" - Garth Algar

Ribbed for her pleasure... eeeeewwwwwww


----------



## Vexel

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and Im out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin with a loser and the cruise control
Babys in reno with the vitamin d
Got a couple of couches, sleep on the love-seat
Someone came in sayin Im insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
Dont believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Savin all your food stamps and burnin down the trailer park

Yo. cut it.

Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 

Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 

Forces of evil on a bozo nightmare
Ban all the music with a phony gas chamber
cuz ones got a weasel and the others got a flag
Ones on the pole, shove the other in a bag
With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose-job
The daytime crap of the folksinger slob
He hung himself with a guitar string
A slab of turkey-neck and its hangin from a pigeon wing
You cant write if you cant relate
Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax fallin on a termite
Thats chokin on the splinters

Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
(get crazy with the cheese whiz)
Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
(drive-by body-pierce)
(yo bring it on down)
Soooooooyy....

(Im a driver, Im a winner; things are gonna change I can feel it)

Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
(I cant believe you)
Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
(schprechen sie deutches, baby)
Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? 
(know what Im sayin? )


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The queue forms at the rear.


----------



## djstp

somedays, i wonder why im the one not wearing the helmet


----------



## MissGulch

Doctor, my brain hurts!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

djstp said:


> somedays, i wonder why im the one not wearing the helmet


_Whisper_: "Someone tell him … he is!"


----------



## djstp

its only illegal if you get caught


----------



## djstp

Snapple Quaffer said:


> _Whisper_: "Someone tell him … he is!"



this one disallows the government to hear my thoughts... please note the amount of tinfoil vs padding ratio


----------



## Beej

Sometimes some crimes go slipping through the cracks


----------



## RevMatt

djstp said:


> this one disallows the government to hear my thoughts... please note the amount of tinfoil vs padding ratio


I had a thread just for you...


----------



## djstp

RevMatt said:


> I had a thread just for you...



this one...


----------



## MissGulch

DNA: Dames are Not Aggressive


----------



## Beej

MissGulch said:


> Dames are Not Aggressive


Fiction is fun.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beej said:


> Fiction is fun.


Friction is funnier.


----------



## Vexel

If as many people thought there was as many people who thought there wasn't. Was there anyone there when there wasn't?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ayes to the right, noes to the left.


----------



## The Doug

Everybody Wang Chung tonight.


----------



## Cameo

here we go doesy doe
gettin down, turn around
boot scootin boogey!


----------



## overkill

When standing beside a loud music speaker the music sounds really loud!


----------



## T-hill

I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down.


----------



## The Doug

<blink>*Daijobui!*</blink>


----------



## MissGulch

Fiddle-dee-dee. War, war, war; this war talk's spoiling all the fun at every party this spring. I get so bored I could scream.


----------



## overkill

This is crazy talk!


----------



## simon

this is deja vué all over again


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

… osterone


----------



## Cameo

To be or not to be.
That is the question.


----------



## SINC

Oh no, not that question.


----------



## Cameo

What question?


----------



## overkill

You know about that thing?


----------



## SINC

Absolutely not.


----------



## HowEver

simon said:


> this is deja *vué* all over again


*vué*?

Never seen that before.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Classic case of jamais vué, jamais vue
Coo-coo-cachoo, coo-coo-cachoo.


----------



## CN

Mister City Policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run...


----------



## The Doug

Am I the walnut?

:lmao:


----------



## Vexel

I see your Schwarts is as big as mine.


----------



## Cameo

What thing?............ooooh THAT thing!!!!


----------



## T-hill

Anyone else think that when Bell started selling PVRs with their dishes, they shoulda called it Bell ExpressDejaVu?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> Bell ExpressDejaVu


Gotta nice ring to it


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> Bell ExpressDejaVu


Gotta nice ring to it


----------



## The Doug

Eek.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

God, that was awful.

Well done!


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> God, that was awful.
> 
> Well done!


Consider this:

http://www.rolfharris.com/


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A low blow … much pain …

Next in the series:


----------



## Beej

I'm not sure about Wisconsin but...

"The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!"


----------



## overkill

Vote Cheese in 2008!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> Vote Cheese in 2008!


For a Grater America!


----------



## Cameo

Now, how cheesey is that??


----------



## SINC

The cheese theory has a lot of holes in it!


----------



## Vexel

SINC said:


> The cheese theory has a lot of holes in it!


It's the DAMN Swiss! [email protected]#TARDS! I knew it was them!


----------



## overkill

Maybe someone should be asking Stephen Hawkings what he thinks of the cheese theory.


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> Maybe someone should be asking Stephen Hawkings what he thinks of the cheese theory.




we dont have 20 mins to put it all together....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A Brie-f History of Time?


----------



## HowEver

NONE of this explains our reliance on Swiss time.



Vexel said:


> It's the DAMN Swiss! [email protected]#TARDS! I knew it was them!


----------



## The Doug

Nor, some peoples' seeming reliance on Swiss Kriss.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Nor, some peoples' seeming reliance on Swiss Kriss.


Aha!

Names! We need names!


----------



## Vexel

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Aha!
> 
> Names! We need names!


Gates & Balmer! They definitely need some Swiss Kriss. They're so full of [email protected]#t.


----------



## HowEver

Swiss Miss.



















http://www.ultimatenzsoccer.com/id222.htm :









Must get a life _now_.


----------



## Rock Lobster

testes
1
2
3...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

HowEver said:


> Must get a life _now_.


Yes, that really ought to be nipped in the bud!


----------



## RevMatt

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Yes, that really ought to be nipped in the bud!


Nicely put!


----------



## RevMatt

Good thing this thread exists, because this is to strange to go anywhere else.

OUCH


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Aha!
> 
> Names! We need names!


The Man They Call _Reveen_.


----------



## Vexel

RevMatt said:


> Good thing this thread exists, because this is to strange to go anywhere else.
> 
> OUCH


*cringes*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

RevMatt said:


> Good thing this thread exists, because this is to strange to go anywhere else.
> 
> OUCH


** Memo to self: Stock up on frozen peas - asap. **


----------



## The Doug

Frozen peas? NO! Look what they did to Kenny Rogers!


----------



## overkill

I love broccoli !!!


----------



## Ena

overkill said:


> I love broccoli !!!


With runny cheese because that's all the shop had today? 
(IACBTMP)


----------



## Cliffy

My hovercraft is full of eels.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cliffy said:


> My hovercraft is full of eels.


Whatever floats your boat …


----------



## Vexel

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power! 

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Turtle boys don't cut him no slack! 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 

Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!)
Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!) 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell
Turtle power!


----------



## The Doug

Eek encore.


----------



## Trose

*whistle*
*whistle*

*whiiiiiiistle*


----------



## djstp

HowEver said:


> Must get a life _now_.


somebody should tell her it's rude to point......


----------



## SINC

djstp said:


> somebody should tell her it's rude to point......



A pointless point to be sure, but then again it was rather pointed, was it not?


----------



## Cameo

This has definately turned into a "guys" thread.
Good grief...


----------



## HowEver

Cameo said:


> This has definately turned into a "guys" thread.
> Good grief...


And sadly, that really wasn't my _point _when I posted the Swiss Miss free association pictures.


----------



## Cameo

:lmao: :lmao:


----------



## Ena

Is it real or is it mammorex?


----------



## MissGulch

"I get the shuffle and then I shuffle the shuffle." --George Dubya Bush, Command-in-Chief


----------



## djstp

Cameo said:


> This has definately turned into a "guys" thread.
> Good grief...


so its now a sausage fest?


if thats the case... then who is up for a pork sword fight? XX)


----------



## Chris

Mmmm, snausages!


----------



## overkill

I saw two talking beavers on TV! Awesome.


----------



## The Doug

What? I thought that Pamela Wallin wasn't on television anymore.


----------



## Beej

http://canada.roots.com/


----------



## The Doug

Beej said:


> http://canada.roots.com/


How long has <strike>kd lang</strike> Wayne Gretzky been doing ads for Roots?


----------



## MissGulch

I'm getting hungry. Why don't we order a pizza?


----------



## Chris

Just had a great batch of barbecued chicken and salad! Mmm, mmm.

No pizza tonight...

No sugar tonight in my coffee,
No sugar tonight in my tea....


----------



## overkill

I feel like chicken tonight! I feel like chicken tonight!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

Never mind whether Coke can rust nails, see the post above for early evidence that prolonged consumption of Snapple can actually change one's physical appearance!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Never mind whether Coke can rust nails, see the post above for early evidence that prolonged consumption of Snapple can actually change one's physical appearance!


Damn!

Busted!


----------



## overkill

How long can the Zoom-Zoom kid zoom for?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> How long can the Zoom-Zoom kid zoom for?


Answers on a postcard?


----------



## overkill

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Answers on a postcard?


from where?


----------



## The Doug

The edge, of course.


----------



## The Doug

Eek part trois!


----------



## djstp

The Doug said:


> The edge, of course.


the earth.. or my imagination?


----------



## overkill

djstp said:


> the earth.. or my imagination?


universe maybe? heard that its pretty big.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*The Larch.*


----------



## The Doug

djstp said:


> the earth.. or my imagination?


No, the one on the left.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ah! The left edge!

Now we're getting somewhere.


----------



## SINC




----------



## overkill

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ah! The left edge!
> 
> Now we're getting somewhere.


Wait! Hold on a minute, do you mean your left or mine?


----------



## SINC

http://www.uwm.edu/People/zech/pictures.htm


----------



## overkill

SINC said:


> http://www.uwm.edu/People/zech/pictures.htm


I was expecting so much more


----------



## SINC

overkill said:


> I was expecting so much more


Here ya go:

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/


----------



## The Doug

overkill said:


> I was expecting so much more


So was Anne Murray. All those years of hard work, and countless specials on the CBC, and people just don't talk about her anymore.


----------



## SINC




----------



## overkill

SINC said:


> Here ya go:
> 
> http://www.stuffonmycat.com/


Ah the Internet! Such a wonderful place.


----------



## overkill

The Doug said:


> So was Anne Murray. All those years of hard work, and countless specials on the CBC, and people just don't talk about her anymore.


I think Rita McNeill stole the Anne Murray crowd on CBC


----------



## Kazak

Hey, kids! It's always a bad idea to take pictures while you're driving (especially while towing a trailer), but . . .







​


----------



## SINC

And now this:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/01/21/ebayer_sells_nothing/


----------



## Dr.G.

Sinc, I recall an old Algebra teacher asking us that if we added nothing to nothing, would we get something? Shame on eBay.


----------



## SINC

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that Swing!


----------



## Chris

SCHWINGGGG!

(apologies to Mike Meyers)  :lmao:


----------



## overkill

you did what in the what now?


----------



## SINC

Uh oh . . .


----------



## Trose

These pretzels are making me thirsty.


----------



## overkill

Trose said:


> These pretzels are making me thirsty.


No no, you're not saying it right. It should be "These pretzels are making me thirsty."


----------



## Cameo

overkill said:


> you did what in the what now?



You _know_....in the _what_!!!


----------



## SINC

In the Birthday Suit?


----------



## overkill

Who are these people?


----------



## Chris

Mmmmmm.....pretzels.....


----------



## SINC

Gobblygook! All of it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's nearly Friday. I love pretzels.


----------



## The Doug

I be chillin', mon.


----------



## Beej

Aardvark!


----------



## Trose

Aardwolf!


----------



## MissGulch

Russia is big! China is big! Brazil is big!


----------



## The Doug

True. But I prefer the smaller countries; they're much easier to carry around with you.


----------



## overkill

These lights are funny!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> These lights are funny!


A real turn on.


----------



## gastonbuffet

I can see clearly now that the brain is gone.


----------



## Ena

Some days it just isn't worth chewing your way out of the restraint jacket.


----------



## The Doug

And yet Düsseldorf is such an unfunny town.


----------



## overkill

The files are in the computer!


----------



## The Doug

And the nude is almost ready.


----------



## Chris

BURMA!


----------



## gastonbuffet

Lupus!!!?

Is it Lupus!!!!!!?


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Beej

These are the Daves I know I know...


----------



## Trose

Good evening, Dave. Everything's running smoothly. And you?


----------



## djstp

i drink... therfore i am!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

[size=+2]Dave? Are you there, Dave?[/size]


----------



## Vexel

:lmao:


----------



## Beej

Aaaaghh! That damn music video is back in my head.


----------



## HowEver




----------



## MissGulch

Remember to floss daily, to prevent cavities and periodontal disease.


----------



## Beej

God's keyboard is like the new Macbooks!


----------



## Lawrence




----------



## Lawrence




----------



## The Doug

Darn those Rosicrucians.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And their socks.


----------



## Beej

Sake it to me baby.


----------



## Macfury

Ue o muite arukoo 
Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni


----------



## Beej

Macfury said:


> Ue o muite arukoo
> Namida ga kobore nai yoo ni


Anyone know a good exorcist?


----------



## The Doug

Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo


----------



## djstp

my farts smell like roses.... dead roses left in a car for a week


----------



## Macfury

Scratch glass and turn blue!


----------



## overkill

And these are the days of our lives.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Extinguish all naked flames immediately!


----------



## The Doug

I am your Drill Thrall, Che-koov!


----------



## Cameo

nanu nanu


----------



## Beej

Rumour on the street is that Mister Twister has taste.


----------



## Chris

Does it taste less filling?


----------



## Beej

Ask the elephants.


----------



## HowEver

Send in the Clowns.


----------



## Beej

HowEver said:


> Send in the Clowns.


No.  What are you going to do about it?


----------



## MissGulch

My Airport Basestation blinks a lot. It look like it's winking. Do you think it likes me?


----------



## Lawrence

The Doug said:


> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo
> Nam myoho renge kyo


Wow...That brings back memories...
Do you have the scroll too?

D


----------



## HowEver

*Send in the clowns...*

.


----------



## SINC

They are? Where?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Close the doors, they're coming in the windows!


----------



## Beej

It's a trick. Get an axe.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## MissGulch

To Serve Man... it's... its's a cookbook!


----------



## Beej

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best...


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> To Serve Man... it's... its's a cookbook!





Beej said:


> You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best...


Yeah, you might say you're cooked . . .


----------



## Vexel

HowEver said:


>


Shall we head to







?


----------



## svenaxelson

I am sorry, but your Kumquat has a .869562 chance of recovery.


----------



## overkill

Oh the chaos!


----------



## svenaxelson

Hey Charley! We got anymore chaos in the back? What's that? Only acid? Panda Chloric Acid? Ahhhhhh, my eyes!!! NO, don't bring out the chickens out to suck up my succulent eye juices!


----------



## SINC

Ain't nobody here but us chickens.


----------



## Cliffy

Blah!


----------



## Vexel

Cliffy said:


> Blah!


Bleh!


----------



## Lawrence

...to soil his reputation and break his heart that Jesus, like any nice Jewish boy Jake
recognizes Randy's fear Jackson Jesus change is on the horizon In this computer
animated comedy-adventure and Dusty and Lefty, the Old Trailhands
both of their lives are turned upside down Where the movie deviates from the book
most strikingly bitter professors and a serial killer Enter RJ, an opportunistic
raccoon, with another child born that night tourists and a dozen other...

(Found at the bottom of a spam email)


----------



## overkill

These Pepto-Bismol rap commercials have me break dancing on my piece of cardboard again! Can you dig it?


----------



## MissGulch

I love old, tacky things.


----------



## Trose

... and so I says, "That's no potato, that's a water balloon!"


----------



## Kazak

I've been called an old, tacky thing.


----------



## svenaxelson

Look at me, I am Sir Isaac Newton! I can do a backfilp off that dog! Here I go. Ouch there goes my third spine and my toothpaste. Now I have to redo my taxes. SPATULA!!!


----------



## SINC

That reminds me, I have to get a new egg flipper.


----------



## svenaxelson

Good call but make sure you do it thursday between the hours of 6 and 7 pm to avoid the cheese seeking whales. Otherwise your eggs may face west, and we all know what happens then...


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## svenaxelson

ya for caption a here's.... "Not only are we going to beat NASA to Jupiter, but were going to beat them to the gold as well!!! Haha haha haha! Wait a second... Jupiter doesn't have any gold, at least that what the leprechauns told us. Well lets go get some pie and some ferrari's."


----------



## overkill

and we're back on top....


----------



## SINC

. . . just like Hop-A-Long Cassidy who's horses name was Topper . . .


----------



## The Doug

Off topic!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mmmmmmm … Topic


----------



## svenaxelson

Welcome class. Today's topic is the acceleration of meat in three dimensions. So get out your calculators and lets dance.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Beej

Can something be beyond reproach and contempt?


----------



## Macfury

Welcome to Fortuna with your host, Tony Fera.


----------



## svenaxelson

Me: MOM!!!! THe room turned into a fruitopia commercial again. 

Mom: Well get the plunger. You know what to do. (mom then looks at dog)

Dog: meow

mom: I knew we shouldn't have had turnip for dinner two weeks ago


----------



## SINC

I wonder if I can post that little blue question mark again like I did at the top of this page of the thread?


----------



## Macfury

"Ersta est gnaborta..."
He was a knave and a fool, and was doomed from the start.


----------



## Ena

"and was doomed from the start."........
..his acne was starting to clear up so he was fired from his job at McDonald's.


----------



## Macfury

That was no lady...that was Belle Starr!


----------



## overkill

Maybe the dingo ate your baby.


----------



## Macfury

I work for the Department of Redundancy Department .


----------



## Cameo

And where are we going with this???????????


----------



## The Doug

*Your Guild Navigator Says,*

Many machines on Ix. _New_ machines.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of machines . . .

http://www.engadget.com/2004/06/07/the-art-of-useless-machines/


----------



## Chris

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.


----------



## Macfury

Come to the concession for dee-looooocious hot-doggies.


----------



## Beej

Does the concession serve revenge? It's best served cold.


----------



## Macfury

Kelvin ate only frozen food.


----------



## Beej

Up your butt with a coconut.


----------



## The Doug

_Khan you bloodsucker!_


----------



## Macfury

I...will..not...kill........today!


----------



## MissGulch

Yonda is the palace of my faddah da caliph.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That'll be near Da-Gadda-Da-Vida?


----------



## overkill

Left shoe on the left foot. Right shoe on the right foot. But don't forget to put your pants on first!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> But don't forget to put your pants on first!


Which foot?


----------



## Macfury

I will see you in the future... for that is where we all shall live...


----------



## overkill

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Which foot?


I think both


----------



## CN

Macfury said:


> I will see you in the future... for that is where we all shall live...


Reminds me of a quote from one of my all-time favourite movies, Ed Wood, "We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."


----------



## Ena

Ed Wood.......Bentwood rocker


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## overkill

HowEver said:


> Brentwood stabber:


I saw a guy just like that in a white ford bronco. what are the odds?


----------



## vimy

This my friends is a sweet thread. Never in my life have I seen such a incredible little piece of computerized code. Bravo Bravo :clap: :clap: :lmao:


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> I saw a guy just like that in a white ford bronco. what are the odds?



daddy?


----------



## overkill

djstp said:


> daddy?


another twist in this soap opera called "test"


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> another twist in this soap opera called "test"


brother?


----------



## Macfury

You two-bit floozie!


----------



## overkill

djstp said:


> brother?


and the bottle of whisky is thrown across the room...then enters???


----------



## djstp

Macfury said:


> You two-bit floozie!



actaully she went for fitty-cent... so thats two times two-bits.. 




it was bargain week... so the week before the welfare chk came....


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> and the bottle of whisky is thrown across the room...then enters???



thats alchohol abuse.... time fer some meetings mister


----------



## overkill

dental cavity fighting time!


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> dental cavity fighting time!


can i throw the glass too?... or is it limited to just the cavity?


----------



## overkill

djstp said:


> can i throw the glass too?... or is it limited to just the cavity?


glass must be thrown into the fireplace while still having some alcohol left in it, to create that burst of fire which show the emotion of anger running through your veins! .... then enters the evil twin brother thought to have been killed many years ago on a shrimp boat...to be continued


----------



## Ena

...enter the dragon...


----------



## Trose

...exit the dragon...


----------



## The Doug

You look _marvelous_.


----------



## overkill

Bruce Lee was here?


----------



## joltguy

The Doug said:


> You look _marvelous_.


I think you meant "Mahhhhrvelous."


----------



## Beej

Did anyone cleanup after the dragon?


----------



## Macfury

Such accusations are spoor-ious.


----------



## svenaxelson

So a dragon walks into a bar... (insert random keyboard solo here)

Five minutes later he leaves with a new vacuum cleaner


----------



## Beej

That sucks.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

vacuum cleaner = oxymoron

Ergo, dragons are total numpties.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of dragons . . .

http://www.joematlock.com/Dragon Wagon.htm


----------



## Macfury

Hey there, little blue dude...


----------



## Chris

Ow! My beard got singed!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

What, precisely, were you doing at the time?


----------



## Macfury

No, it was already on fire when I got into it.


----------



## Trose

I've misplaced my small glass spheres.


----------



## gastonbuffet

i got my a$$ handed to me

let's skip over that, Santa doesn't want to talk about that.


----------



## Macfury

50 watts per channel, babycakes.


----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Macfury

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives


----------



## MissGulch

Like hands through the sourglass, so are the lays of our dives.


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> Like hands through the sourglass, so are the lays of our dives.


Sourglass thanks you for the recognition:

http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback&userid=sourglass


----------



## The Doug

Another _fine_ by-product of human evolution.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Another _fine_ by-product of human evolution.


We've evolved? When?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ribbit!


----------



## Macfury

When there's no more room in Hell...we'll annex Mississuaga.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## The Doug

She's got Bette Davis eyes.

So - I want to know, who's got <blink>Sammy Davis eye?</blink>


----------



## SINC

The Rat Pack got it . . .


----------



## djstp

SINC said:


> The Rat Pack got it . . .


 i was about to say my sister.... my mom had a hotel date with the pack.... dont know if it was the rat pack... but it was a hotel date with the pack......


----------



## Macfury

We were thinking of giving her to some kids up in the hills to play with.


----------



## overkill

I just saw an elephant dissapear!


----------



## SINC

Me too:

http://www.lemonzoo.com/funny_videos/16105/Disappearing_Elephant.html


----------



## Macfury

Much there was which Tarzan could make Tantor understand, and though the small talk of the wild was beyond the great, gray dreadnaught of the jungle, he stood with blinking eyes and gently swaying trunk as though drinking in every word of it with keenest appreciation.


----------



## Chris

Now you're going to tell me that you're working for peanuts!


----------



## gastonbuffet

hey!
anyone here knows where can i get hooked with the viagra pills that look like tick tacs?

I want 'em big time!


----------



## overkill

gastonbuffet said:


> hey!
> anyone here knows where can i get hooked with the viagra pills that look like tick tacs?
> 
> I want 'em big time!


i get emails everyday about them, do you want me to forward them?


----------



## SINC

overkill said:


> i get emails everyday about them, do you want me to forward them?



Forward? Was I? When?


----------



## The Doug

_MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!_


----------



## overkill

And so it begins...on a Friday no less!


----------



## Macfury

overkill said:


> And so it begins...!


Foolishly laying my heart on the table, stumbling in.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## overkill

Im off to see the wizard...


----------



## CN

The wizard of Id?


----------



## svenaxelson

the wizard of foot long guitar picks


----------



## SINC

svenaxelson said:


> the wizard of foot long guitar picks


For a minute there, I though you typed guitar p*icks.

Hehehe!


----------



## Beej

Nobody does it better.


----------



## The Doug

Steve Ballmer.


----------



## SINC

And speaking of balls:

http://www.miniclip.com/games/magic-balls/en/


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"To do, is to be." - _Descartes_

"To be, is to do." - _Sartre_

"Doo-bi-doo-bi-doo." - _Sinatra_


----------



## The Doug

Are you a Do-Bee or a Don't Bee?


----------



## Ena

Eric the half a bee!


----------



## SINC

Why do bees have stuff that looks like hair?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Why do bees have stuff that looks like hair?












*Because … *_slurp,slurp_* … feathers are … *_slurp,slurp_* … so yesterday.*


----------



## SINC

Allow me to introduce my pet chicken, "Yesterday" . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Oh I believe in yesterday, oh I believe in yesterday ...


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## SINC

Yaaaaaaaaabbbbbbooooootttt!!!


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, someone is a Ding Dong School graduate. Miss Fran would be proud of you.


----------



## Dr.G.

HowEver, don't start that one again..... 

"Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes."
http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml


----------



## The Doug

I want to know whatever happened to Scott, and Joey, and Cheese.


----------



## Cameo

Rreeeeeeeeeeeeebooooooooottt!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## svenaxelson

as for Scott, and Joey, and Cheese......... 

Scott moved north to denmark because they have 3 scoops of raisins in every bowl

Joey got his own short lived show then fell off a cliff into a bucket of fish 

Cheese on the other hand is tripping in my mind like I don't know the time. Then changed his name to Howard stern then went off to do some radio show...

No need to Rreeeeeeeeeeeeebooooooooottt, only after installing quicktime which really isn't that quick


----------



## SINC

svenaxelson said:


> as for Scott, and Joey, and Cheese.........
> 
> Scott moved north to denmark because they have 3 scoops of raisins in every bowl
> 
> Joey got his own short lived show then fell off a cliff into a bucket of fish
> 
> Cheese on the other hand is tripping in my mind like I don't know the time. Then changed his name to Howard stern then went off to do some radio show...
> 
> No need to Rreeeeeeeeeeeeebooooooooottt, only after installing quicktime which really isn't that quick


While all of that may be true, whatever happened to Alphonse?


----------



## svenaxelson

Alphonse? Alphonse!

I last saw Alphonse traveling at 37.345 degrees West, South West in the great land of ( (insert word here) + stan ). While doing so, Alphonse was wearing a frog hand puppet, playing a snare and floor tom and screaming "over there, over there lies my golf clubs! " all while on the back of a 30' flat bed truck also carrying 3 elephants and 79 badgers, as well as a physics teacher. 

That's what happened... any more questions class?


----------



## Carex

Tomorrow is Sunday, we have no class...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Carex said:


> Tomorrow is Sunday, we have no class...


Well, it's hard to maintain standards when you just can't afford servants these days.


----------



## SINC

Which reminds me, I have to grease the dumb waiter.


----------



## chuckster

Sasquahana Hat Company?
Slowly I turned ... step by step ....
Abbott! Hey Abbott!


----------



## SINC

There really is such a company you know, but it's spelled "Susquehanna" . . .

http://www.sayhername.com/index.php


----------



## Dr.G.

Chuckster, that's an oldie but a good from my youth. Merci.


----------



## chuckster

Is it in... Niagara Falls?


----------



## Dr.G.

No, Pennsylvania.


----------



## The Doug

Pennsylvania 6-5000!


----------



## Cameo

That waiter was soooooooooo dumb...........


----------



## chuckster

How dumb was he Mister Bones?


----------



## chuckster

How dumb was he Mister Bones?


----------



## chuckster

How dumb was he Mister Bones?


----------



## The Doug

So dumb you had to ask thrice.


----------



## MissGulch

*Joke thread contamination*

The three stages of a man's life:

Tri-weekly.
Try weekly.
Try weakly.


----------



## Ena

The Weakerthans


----------



## Cameo

and on and on it goes...............


----------



## CN

This is the song that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends...

Heehee


----------



## overkill

when you stand in the rain, you get wet!


----------



## Ena

always carry your what can't go down the chimney up but can go up the chimney down........umbrella!


----------



## SINC

Let a smile be your umbrella!


----------



## webwiz23

The arrow flys in _squaggad_ lines and the apple eats the pillow!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Paradoxes are the mushrooms that lift the paving stones of your mind.


----------



## djstp

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Paradoxes are the mushrooms that lift the paving stones of your mind.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Paradoxes are the mushrooms that lift the paving stones of your mind.


A sneak peek at my mind:


----------



## djstp

SINC said:


> A sneak peek at my mind:



when is the party?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Why, Sinc, I always thought you were a fun-guy.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Why, Sinc, I always thought you were a fun-guy.


Excellent pun there, SQ! :clap:


----------



## Carex

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Just testing.


----------



## Chris

Testing, testing, 1.......2.......4.

Three, sir!


----------



## svenaxelson

Welcome back to the test thread... On today's show: Rabid elephant storms nightclub, came for the techno music, stayed for the ladies,

In other news local residant get bitten on nose by dog for not feeding it cheese (really happened to me... not to sure about the cheese thing though)

In more other news mushroom sales increase a bijillion (yes, it is a word, well now it is...) fold thanks to Martha Stewart's prison term and that blue smilie thing over on the right side of the page when you add to this sharp, blood soaked thread calling itself test.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, since you ask, I'll have a crocodile sandwich, please.

Make it snappy, will you?


----------



## SINC

Ah yes, the old "Crocodile Crunch". Should really be served with creamed cheese or failing that processed swimmer.


----------



## overkill

Wow, every week is so predictable. Monday always comes after Sunday!


----------



## The Doug

Here.


----------



## HowEver

Rathergood.com ??

"What is the frequency, Kenneth?"

"What is the frequency, Kenneth?"

"What is the frequency, Kenneth?"


----------



## SINC

I kenneth hardly understand what's going on in this thread . . .


----------



## Ena

Hard a-lee. Coming about.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Avast behind!


----------



## SINC

I am always suspicious of anyone who has a thing for "behind", especially plural.


----------



## MissGulch

Drip, drip, drip... like the oil draining off a slice of pizza.


----------



## overkill

MissGulch said:


> Drip, drip, drip... like the oil draining off a slice of pizza.


what toppings?


----------



## SINC

overkill said:


> what toppings?


Just Olives, thus the dripping oil.


----------



## Ena

Did Olive Oyl eat spinach too?


----------



## Kazak

No, just Popeye.

(an ambiguous response, if ever there was one)


----------



## SINC

Another idea just popped into my mind.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sorry, Sinc, it slipped out of my hand and disappeared. I wondered where it had got to. Pass it on to someone else when you've done with it.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Sorry, Sinc, it slipped out of my hand and disappeared. I wondered where it had got to. Pass it on to someone else when you've done with it.


It's now slip-sliding along.


----------



## The Doug

It's like the Shangri-La Clubhouse... but made of antimatter.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

God bless our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet.


----------



## SINC

And speaking of meat, I have to pick up some burgers for the BBQ today.


----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> God bless our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet.


As quoted from... (now an actual test) the movie was...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Jack the Ripper?


----------



## SINC

And speaking of rippers, a pal on our last fishing trip let one go that cleared the local pub.


----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Jack the Ripper?


No! But the originary country is correct.

Anyone else willing to step up, or are you asea??


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's either an old Irish saying, or a quote from Groucho Marx, himself descended from the O'Marxes.


----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It's either an old Irish saying, or a quote from Groucho Marx, himself descended from the O'Marxes.


Nice try, but no... and since when was Jack the Ripper Irish?

Here it is again:



> God bless our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet.


----------



## CN

I think I remember hearing that line (or some variation) in the movie Master and Commander- The Far Side of the World...but I'm sure it has been in older movies as well?


----------



## overkill

Hogan's Heroes the series.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> Hogan's Heroes the series.


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

You jest.

I see nossing … I hear nossing …


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Time for quiet reflection …*










*The Parana Pine.*

_pause_

*The Parana Pine.*


----------



## HowEver

CN said:


> I think I remember hearing that line (or some variation) in the movie Master and Commander- The Far Side of the World...but I'm sure it has been in older movies as well?


Winner!

(And it's a traditional "toast" dating from the period of the movie.)


----------



## SINC

Ever notice how winner and wiener sound the same?


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## CN

SINC said:


> Ever notice how winner and wiener sound the same?


You trying to say something, tough guy? :lmao:

Just kidding, of course! Besides, I don't think I want to fight with this...


----------



## Beej

Everytime those pictures are posted and angel loses its lunch.


----------



## SINC

CN said:


> You trying to say something, tough guy? :lmao:
> 
> Just kidding, of course! Besides, I don't think I want to fight with this...


Yeah, good plan,, Barney'd eat you alive! :


----------



## overkill

My pants melted today


----------



## SINC

overkill said:


> My pants melted today


Wanna borrow my bikini?


----------



## overkill

SINC said:


> Wanna borrow my bikini?


in the words of Dr. Evil ... "How 'bout NO!"  Kinda cool right now with them off.


----------



## svenaxelson

As we make our approach into Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy the weather calls for 303 K temperatures and a 90% chance of passion... did I say 303 degrees, I meant 243 degree K

If you really need to cool off look at a windoze box for 1 minute and cold chills should go down your spine because of the horror. If that doesn't work pour liquid nitrogen all over yourself. 9 out of 10 dentists agree. What happened to the tenth dentist you ask? Well he became orthopedic surgeon because it pays better.


----------



## Kazak

Must . . .

keep . . .

thread . . .

a
l
 i
v
e

.

.


.


----------



## overkill

they're grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!


----------



## The Doug

Oslo. And don't forget Tromsø.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> And don't forget Tromsø.


Whø, in their right mind, ever cøuld?


----------



## The Doug

Bëåts më.


----------



## overkill

could it be?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Chris

Well that's a bummer!


----------



## overkill

strings look a little tight.


----------



## The Doug

Upset stomach? Can't stop shoplifting? Try <blink>*Klepto-Bismol*</blink>.


----------



## Beej

We can not fathom the depth of an ocean.


----------



## Macfury

You SLEPT through The Guns of Navarone?


----------



## The Doug

Beej said:


> We can not fathom the depth of an ocean.


Dear Beej,

I can, because I'm in a league of my own.

Sincerely,

Captain Nemo


----------



## Beej

The Doug said:


> Dear Beej,
> 
> I can, because I'm in a league of my own.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Captain Nemo


I saw the cartoon wherein you were found. Did you do your own stunts?


----------



## Macfury

Ned Land a Canadian?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Lend Dan a Canadian!


----------



## The Doug

Beej said:


> I saw the cartoon wherein you were found. Did you do your own stunts?


No, that was the late James Mason. Looking for a job, he wanted to prove that being dead is no barrier to doing great stunt work. Apparently the unemployment rate of _apres-vie celebrities_ in Hollywood is staggeringly high.


----------



## overkill

Buttering the belly of a cat will not make it float in mid air. It will only make the cat want to lick the butter.


----------



## The Doug

Teach us more, oh Wise One!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> Buttering the belly of a cat will not make it float in mid air. It will only make the cat want to lick the butter.


Try margarine.


----------



## MasterBlaster

.


----------



## MasterBlaster

.


----------



## MasterBlaster

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MasterBlaster,



> What was the test?


To know what the test is will not bring you enlightenment.

The journey is all.


----------



## overkill

how do you test the test of a test?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> how do you test the test of a test?


I think it's something like: squeeze gently and say "Cough."


----------



## The Doug

Okay, done.


----------



## Ena

The test results on the sample will be back in a week.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ena said:


> The test results on the sample will be back in a week.


Er … you were only meant to squeeze _gently_, Ena.


----------



## MissGulch

I took my meds, and the strange itching went away. :love2:


----------



## Ena

But nurses always do it with care


----------



## Beej

Economists do it with Slutskys.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slutsky_equation


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beej said:


> Economists do it with Slutskys.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slutsky_equation


Really! Never seen such filth.


----------



## The Doug

Cowbell. This thread needs more cowbell.


----------



## Ena

The Doug said:


> Cowbell. This thread needs more cowbell.


It's only Friday and that's a Saturday Night thing.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well spotted Ena.

However, Fish on Fridays?


----------



## Beej

Why does the Comedy channel run Everybody Loves Raymond?


----------



## The Doug

Because CMT runs _Married... With Children**_

_**Quite possibly the worst television show, ever._


----------



## Beej

The nudey bar!


----------



## The Doug

That's not how you spell nudey. I mean, nudie.


----------



## Beej

Oh. All this time I've been visualizing that word with the wrong spelling. 

Stop the world. I want to get off.


----------



## Ena

Beej said:
 

> Stop the world. I want to get off.


The musical? Lyrics and music by Anthony Newley.


----------



## overkill

Beej said:


> Stop the world. I want to get off.


I am sure Superman could do that for you. Just yell really loudly!


----------



## MissGulch

Foghorn Leghorn made a very nice soup.


----------



## overkill

Too many answers and not enough questions.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Leeches suck.


----------



## overkill

Birds fly. Oh wait that didn't work...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hey, it's Saturday!

It's cowbell time!


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IboyNpFxUlw"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IboyNpFxUlw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

More cowbell!


----------



## The Doug

Who reminds you more of fresh Silly Putty - Burton Cummings or Randy Bachman?


----------



## Lawrence

I bought a Vespa...Test...Test...Oopps!!!...Wrong thread. (heh)

Dave


----------



## Cameo

Life sucks.


----------



## Ena

Cameo said:


> Life sucks.


So does gravity


----------



## The Doug

And vacuum cleaners.


----------



## Dr.G.

Cameo, remember The Way of the Doxie. Reality may suck, but you are one with the Universe.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Paws for thought.


----------



## overkill

I discovered last night that there are machines that spit money out at you! Cool!!!


----------



## svenaxelson

Have you ever seen those machines that talk to you when you put a quarter in them? I walked by one the other day and it rang at me.


----------



## overkill

I dont know if I'd pay a machine to talk to me


----------



## The Doug

On the other hand, I would pay a number of people to stop talking.


----------



## overkill

I'd buy that for a dollar.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Paws for thought." Good one, SQ. Through "The Way of the Doxie" one is able to find tranquility, serenity and a oneness with the Universe. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## Beej

Seen on a sign at a construction site (or something close to this):
Building Great Storeys


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beej said:


> Seen on a sign at a construction site (or something close to this):
> Building Great Storeys


Good plots always chosen?


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Beej

Class A office space.

Oh wait, that didn't work.


----------



## The Doug

I always liked the smell of Play Doh, and Silly Putty too.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> I always liked the smell of Play Doh, and Silly Putty too.


Mmmmmm … and the texture …


----------



## overkill

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Mmmmmm … and the texture …


but what about the taste?


----------



## Chris

White school paste, mmmmm.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*… but what about the taste?*

Not advisable, as I see it.

That stuff'll bung you up so tight you'll need to hire Roto-Rooter to clear it.

Don't try it at home, kids.


----------



## The Doug

Ah - you obviously speak from experience.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, not exactly from personal experience.

I did, however, once persuade a younger cousin to eat plasticine, he being 6, while I was a superior 9.

It convinced me that I shouldn't eat the stuff. He's still alive … I have no regrets.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I did, however, once persuade a younger cousin to eat plasticine, he being 6, while I was a superior 9.


When conducting dietary research, it is always best to choose test subjects that are younger than you are, and are domiciled elsewhere. This is good scientific practise, which should be followed regardless of the potential outcome of your research.


----------



## SINC

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then YOU look thinner.


----------



## svenaxelson

Could this be a cure for world hunger? The obese stop eating, thin eat more... thus achieving a balance and the world will be at harmony... or become an anarchical society. I would go for the second one but that's just me


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The anarcho-plasticine diet: to be used to counterbalance the effects of all those high-fibre diets.


----------



## SINC




----------



## overkill

Need some beer in there!


----------



## SINC

overkill said:


> Need some beer in there!


I'm out getting another case for that SPOT in the bottom right corner!


----------



## The Doug

_bonum vinum laetificat cor hominis_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_Dum spiro, bibo_


----------



## SINC

deus quam ego contemno latin


----------



## Chris

_Me transmitte sursum, caledoni_!


----------



## SINC

Chris said:


> _Me transmitte sursum, caledoni_!


I just happen to have a photo of one available:


----------



## Chris

_Nescio quid dicas._


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Hic*


----------



## The Doug

*Hicks*


----------



## SINC

Hickory:

http://www.hickorygov.com/


----------



## Ena

Hickory....dickory, dock...


----------



## Dr.G.

Hickory....dickory, dock...the doxie ran up the clock.


----------



## overkill

but what time did this happen at?


----------



## Kazak

After growing up in the BC Interior, perhaps I should call my autobiography "Great Moments in Canadian Hickery."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Hock*


----------



## The Doug

*Spock*


----------



## SINC

http://simplythebest.net/sounds/WAV/sound_effects_WAV/sound_effect_WAV_files/knocking.wav


----------



## The Doug

Sink


----------



## SINC

Sinker:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Jock*


----------



## Ena

Sock it to me!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## RevMatt

Ena said:


> Sock it to me!


----------



## Beej

Well I see by the clock on the wall 
That it's time to bid you one and all


----------



## SINC

Flying Fickle Finger of Fate Award - Called the Rigid Digit, the Winged Weenie, Wonderful Wiggler, Friendly Phlange, and the Nifty Knuckle, this weekly satirical award was presented by comedians Dan Rowan and Dick Martin on the weekly comedy variety series ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN/NBC/1968-73 for the dumbest/craziest news item of the week. Gold/Silver in color the award was a "hand" mounted on a trophy base. Its index finger adorned with two small wings rotated in a "Whoopee!" circular motion. Recipients of this "uncoveted" award included then Los Angeles Chief of Police, Ed Davis who suggested that "gallows" be put in all airports for the hijackers. When they were apprehended they could be hung on the spot; the City of Cleveland for their Kioga River (It caught fire due to its high pollution levels); and a Wonderful Wiggler went to William F. Buckley for his philosophy "Never clarify tomorrow, what you can obscure today." Top awards went to the Pentagon. They won five times.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Veerrry interestink, but …*


----------



## SINC

*The Thumbnail *

Did you ever stop to figure 
Why the thumbnail is so hard? 
Well it hasn't any choice 
With all that skin to guard. 
It may look fat and pudgy 
But it's heart is good and true. 
It's prettier than a toenail 
And easier to chew.

*Henry Gibson*


----------



## Beej

In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. 

A wonderfully adaptable quote that will appear in the future.


----------



## The Doug

Abraca-pocus! Pocus-cadabra!


----------



## Cameo

calamaazaammmmm!!!???


----------



## SINC

Google stated:
Your search - calamaazaammmmm - did not match any documents. 

Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Google Googol.


----------



## The Doug

_The jean genie lives on his back..._


----------



## SINC




----------



## svenaxelson

Falling, falling, falling.... We're back on top 

Now with no vowels!

Fllng, fllng, fllng... W'r bck n tp


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Shall I dispose of these

ai, ai, ai ... e'e a o o 

or do you want them kept?


----------



## overkill

I'd like to buy a vowel!


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> I'd like to buy a vowel!


You should consider going upmarket. How about a nice diphthong?

Fancy _œ_ or _æ_ by any chance?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> You should consider going upmarket. How about a nice diphthong?


Diphthong: (noun) A skimpy bathing suit worn only for a brief plunge in the water.


----------



## Cameo

SINC said:


> Google stated:
> Your search - calamaazaammmmm - did not match any documents.
> 
> Suggestions:
> Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
> Try different keywords.
> Try more general keywords.



You won't find it cause it's MAGIC!!!!!!


----------



## audiodan

692


----------



## Beej

What is 691 plus 1, Alex.


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> What is 691 plus 1, Alex.


Error 692: Hardware failure in port or attached device.


----------



## The Doug

I'm never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm.


----------



## Beej

Whose bed have your boots been under?


----------



## The Doug

Shania, these boots were made for walkin'. And that's just what they'll do.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Dude looks like a lady.


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqjvzNEoE8k&search=Aerosmith


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tWgI44B7Ops"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tWgI44B7Ops" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Beej

Liv Tyler looks like a lady. Her dad...like an alien.


----------



## Beej

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV70FpboHvg

D'oh. I messed up the fancy imbed thingy.


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> Liv Tyler looks like a lady. Her dad...like an alien.


Alien dads eh?


----------



## Ena

SINC said:


> Alien dads eh?


ehMac


----------



## SINC

Ena said:


> ehMac


Oh, now that WAS tricky!


----------



## overkill

Return to the top, I command you!


----------



## SINC

Well, OK, ok


----------



## overkill

SINC said:


> Well, OK, ok


well played, well played indeed!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dare I say it?

Now, back to the bottom!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## RevMatt

*Bear bum*



Snapple Quaffer said:


> Dare I say it?
> 
> Now, back to the bottom!


----------



## HowEver




----------



## SINC

This one's a bit easier to see. 

*?*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## overkill

oh no everyone is moving to images to communicate...not what I expected!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## overkill

Snapple Quaffer said:


>


Make it stop!!!


----------



## Ena

Stop! in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Think it over


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

overkill said:


> Make it stop!!!


----------



## HowEver

Those words really paint a picture for me.



overkill said:


> oh no everyone is moving to images to communicate...not what I expected!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Now that made me hungry. Gotta run and find me something to Munch on.


----------



## The Doug

Now, a moment of silence in memory of the darkest moment in Canadian Music, the Stampeders' _Monday Morning Choo Choo._


----------



## SINC

Gee whiz Doug,you're still making me hungry. Now I have to find something to chew on.


----------



## Beej

Where is everybody? Is everybody kung-fu fighting?


----------



## Vishalca

No, cause those kids were fast as lightning.


----------



## Beej

I hope they had expert timing.


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> I hope they had expert timing.


----------



## overkill

Is this the ignore thread? I think I have lost my way. Off I go...


----------



## Beej

SINC said:


>



:lmao: :lmao: 

Too good. Evidently, with that timing, padding is recommended.


----------



## The Doug

Dear All,

I have serious problems with this.

Sincerely,

Al


----------



## Beej

Get a haircut, hippie!


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> Get a haircut, hippie!


Yeah, but he's comin' around Beej:


----------



## The Doug

*?*


----------



## SINC

Er, haven't we been here before??


----------



## Beej

I can't see what you can see...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beej said:


> I can't see what you can see...












*You're not missing anything … it's just a load of crap*


----------



## Beej

I wonder why he didn't let his tie hang inside his arms? I think he's just trying to show off his accessories.


----------



## audiodan

Meow, moo, oink oink roof. That is all.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hmmm. Perhaps it's the third-party, emergency release facility.


----------



## Chris

Ooh, you make me live...


----------



## HowEver

Whatever this world can give to me.


----------



## The Doug

Scaramouche or fandango something. Whatever.


----------



## SINC

Whenever.


----------



## HowEver

<<=====




SINC said:


> Whenever.


----------



## The Doug

Whomever.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The knife and fork were fine, but the plate wanted its revenge.


----------



## The Doug

Knife and fork and plate are illogical. I am Nomad.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nomad is _not_ an island!


----------



## SINC

http://nomadpub.com/


----------



## overkill

revived...but for how long?


----------



## SINC

I pulled out my tape measure to see how long I had been here . . . whoops, gotta run.


----------



## The Doug

A SNAG MARTYR! NAG ARMY RATS! ANAGRAMS TRY!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Gnu Doth Ask


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Your Owl Emcee, Paper Quaff Lens.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A STORK DOTH DITCH HER :lmao:


----------



## The Doug

Number 44 is strangely compelling.


----------



## overkill

11 22 33 44 55 66 77 88 99 ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

No. 35 - In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Wrong.

It is therefore quite correctly described as "useless". Maybe it's the most uselessest fact.


----------



## svenaxelson

Problem number 36: No metric system! What is this! The time of Charlemagne?

Oh wait, we already have the metric system... never mind... showed those German backpackers. 

<insert insane sitar solo here>


----------



## SINC

37:

http://primes.utm.edu/glossary/page.php?sort=SierpinskiNumber


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Says it all.


----------



## Cameo

what_e_ver!


----------



## The Doug

_Et si tu n'existais pas
Dis-moi comment j'existerais..._


----------



## SINC

That's all French to me.


----------



## svenaxelson

now in poorly translated russian!

? ???? ?? ?? ????????????, ??????? ????, ??? ? ???? ????????????

and now without anything clearly resembling vowels!

? ??? ?? ? ?????????, ????? ???, ?? ? ??? ??????????!

(so it looks like the russian may not appear correctly, well good luck with that)

I caught my mother doing some standard deviation with a side of linear regression... things have never been the same since...


----------



## overkill

Are we there yet?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You're there and I'm here, but it's all relative as my granny used to say.


----------



## The Doug

SQ sweetie,

I never _ever_ said that.

Love,

Granny XO


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Why, Granny, what big _insert body part(s) here_ you've got!

Edit: Doh! _hair_; What big hair you've got!

I said that the first time!


----------



## SINC

Speaking of hares:


----------



## svenaxelson

the air is so thick down here at the bottom of the page... better climb up the mountain again so we can continue our secret ninja training... did I say secret ninja training, I meant folk art... yes folk art


----------



## SINC

Yolk art?


----------



## Ena

Ova to the next poster.....


----------



## Beej

This town needs an enema.


----------



## The Doug

Beej said:


> This town needs an enema.


He's not on tour right now, he's available, just give him a call.


----------



## Beej

http://www.mms.com/


----------



## The Doug

I want candy.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*What you be wantin' is some rhubarb, matey.*


----------



## djstp

only if it comes like this










with a scoop of this


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Drool … slaver … dribble…*

Save yourselves from temptation … just pass all that my way …


----------



## SINC

http://www.dribbleglass.com/


----------



## Chris

Rhubarb, with salt, while hidden in the garden.

Yum!


----------



## svenaxelson

hiding in the secret garden? Well it's not to secret now...


----------



## The Doug

Sigh.


----------



## overkill

not anymore!


----------



## The Doug

I'm gonna cry!


----------



## Chris

Think she's passing on any "bitchin'" ideas? 

Woof!


----------



## djstp

The Doug said:


> I'm gonna cry!


what happened to her face..... did her neck puke?

poor dog.....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Oh, you're both so cruel! Keep it up. 

Er … who _is_ the dog-handler, by the way?


----------



## The Doug

You don't know? I guess you're too young.


----------



## SINC

That's the Cosmetic Queen, TFB.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

She's got plenty of key, anyway.


----------



## SINC

Everything you never wanted to know about Tammy Faye Baker can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tammy_Faye_Bakker


----------



## overkill

Wait what about Robert VanWinkle?!


----------



## SINC

Gosh, I haven't heard much about Rip's brother lately. How's the old SOB doin'?


----------



## svenaxelson

you can't say son of a baker on the internet. Well you could but you'll have to go through the Canadian Wheat Board.


----------



## SINC

svenaxelson said:


> you can't say son of a baker on the internet. Well you could but you'll have to go through the Canadian Wheat Board.


I could, but it always chafes me.


----------



## Ena

SINC said:


> I could, but it always chafes me.


I suppose there is a grain of truth in what you said.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

svenaxelson said:


> you can't say son of a baker on the internet.


Yeah, it's not even barley acceptable.


----------



## Kazak

If you're wheating for a chance to get my oat, you'll have to hop to it, he said ryely.


----------



## Kazak

Though not listed in the Wikipedia entry for Tammy Faye Bakker, she is also mentioned in the Crowded House song "Chocolate Cake":
http://lyrics.duble.com/lyrics/C/crowded-house-lyrics/crowded-house-chocolate-cake-lyrics.htm


----------



## The Doug

Who kneads this.


----------



## Cameo

*%@#*grain**&#@


----------



## The Doug

*And Now For Something Completely Different*

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eQcFYUBLzcw"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eQcFYUBLzcw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> [size=-1]*And Now For Something Completely Different*[/size]


Pictures of that little creep should be marketed as the strongest combined emetic/laxative available.

What a little doggie-doo he is.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> ...What a little doggie-doo he is...


You're not the only one who thinks so. Oh how I weep for him. I _weep!_

Not.


----------



## Chris

Cruisin' got a bruisin'! 

Okay, that one's bad, even by my standards.:lmao:


----------



## audiodan

812


----------



## Vexel

187


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

56,211,383,760,397 is a prime number.

Anyone who disagrees is a hairy kipper.


----------



## Toca Loca Nation

...and a partridge in a pear tree!!!!


----------



## The Doug

Toca Loca Nation said:


> ...and a partridge in a pear tree!!!!


Which Partridge? Shirley, Keith, Laurie, Danny, Christopher, or Tracy?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The world _can_ sometimes be uniformly beige.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> The world _can_ sometimes be uniformly beige.


Ah, the learned practical wisdom of Reuben Kinkaid. But he's not a Partridge.


----------



## SINC

Shea Butter is a fatty extract from the seed of the Karite (shea) Tree. The Shea Tree is native to the sub-Saharan countries of West Africa.

At room temperature, premium Shea Butter is and soft uniformly beige.


----------



## audiodan

My uninform is not beige!


----------



## HowEver

My Canada includes Bisquick.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> My Canada includes Bisquick.


Bisquick!?! 

Walk like an Egyptian.


----------



## The Doug

HowEver said:


> My Canada includes Bisquick.


MY Canada includes Lanny McDonald. And Weetabix.


----------



## SINC

My Canada includes










cereal made in Camrose, right here in Alberta.


----------



## Kazak

My Canada includes Guy Lafleur and a tomato-based condiment spelled "ketchup."


----------



## Candidate

My Canada includes Pluto.


----------



## Chris

My Canada includes Jos. Louis and Mae West!

Mmmm!


----------



## djstp

my canada includes beer... and being in the hometown brewery of labatts... i am never gonna leave!


----------



## MissGulch

I was internetless for 2 1/2 hours today, and nearly took hostages. :yikes:


----------



## Chris

MissGulch said:


> I was internetless for 2 1/2 hours today, and nearly took hostages. :yikes:


Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!:lmao:


----------



## HowEver

Insurance-ville!




djstp said:


> my canada includes beer... and being in the hometown brewery of labatts... i am never gonna leave!


----------



## SINC

http://www.bigrockbeer.com/


----------



## overkill

I want some Tostitos!


----------



## Kazak

"I like taquitos."


----------



## Trose

Hit the mosquitoes.


----------



## overkill

Flash Bulletin: Dr. G reaches 20000 posts!


----------



## The Doug

Mais, c'est comme ca, hein?

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1jOa-ySfO7U"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1jOa-ySfO7U" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Chris

Now you may touch my monkey.



And now, we dance! :lmao:


----------



## SINC




----------



## djstp

not quite the context i always use it in... but alas it works....


----------



## Trose

Is it just me, or does it smell like snoo in here?


----------



## The Doug

I thought it was the smell of silence.


----------



## SINC

Silence smells? No sh!t.


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> I thought it was the smell of silence.


Isn't that a song by Simon & Garfield?


----------



## overkill

The question is why?


----------



## Ena

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind...


----------



## djstp

overkill said:


> The question is why?


no why?...but 'how'?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

djstp said:


> no why?...but 'how'?


So … is the question: "Why is the question 'How?', not 'Why?' "

If so, why?


----------



## SINC

Why not?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And, _ipso facto_, why not "How not?"


----------



## Cameo

I guess we don't want to be standing down-wind now do we?


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And, _ipso facto_, why not "How not?"


Because.


----------



## MissGulch

Are the repairs worth fixing?


----------



## The Doug

Depends on how bad they aren't.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> Are the repairs worth fixing?


Why not?


----------



## SINC

. . . . fix them?


----------



## Trose

Indubitably.


----------



## MissGulch

My evil eye is broken. Is it good?


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> My evil eye is broken. Is it good?


Here, try this one:


----------



## Chris

Snoo-snoo?!


----------



## Kazak

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.


----------



## audiodan

862


----------



## SINC

Sixteen.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Seven


----------



## The Doug

01101001 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100101


----------



## SINC

011011110110111001100101001000000110100001100001011100110010000001110100011011110010000001110111011011110110111001100100011001010111001000100000011010000110111101110111001000000110110001101111011011100110011100100000011101000110100001101001011100110010000001100110011011110110111101101100011010010111001101101000011011100110010101110011011100110010000001100011011000010110111000100000011001110110111100100000011011110110111000111111


----------



## Trose

4e6f206f6e6520657665722075736573206865782e00


----------



## Cameo

View attachment 1950


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Trose said:


> 4e6f206f6e6520657665722075736573206865782e00


57686F20736179733F00


----------



## MissGulch

Help! I tried to log onto my life, but was told I'm unsubbed!


----------



## svenaxelson

did you use ilife 06 or 05? As for the unsubbed part try taking all the wires in your house and boil them up like pasta, that usually works.

1305 487 679 444


----------



## Macfury

Well, find me a Bessemer and I'll convert it...


----------



## MissGulch

svenaxelson said:


> did you use ilife 06 or 05?


I used iLife 5.1 which always seemed kind of buggy. I guess I should have upgraded. It came down to my money or my iLife.


----------



## The Doug

The End.


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> The End.


http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/lyrics2/The_end.html



> Recorded by "Doors"
> Written by Jim Morrison
> Album: "The Doors" 1967
> 
> This is the end
> Beautiful friend
> This is the end
> My only friend, the end
> 
> Of our elaborate plans, the end
> Of everything that stands, the end
> No safety or surprise, the end
> I'll never look into your eyes...again
> 
> Can you picture what will be
> So limitless and free
> Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
> In a...desperate land
> 
> Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
> And all the children are insane
> All the children are insane
> Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
> 
> There's danger on the edge of town
> Ride the king's highway, baby
> Weird scenes inside the gold mine
> Ride the highway west, baby
> 
> Ride the snake, ride the snake
> To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
> The snake is long, seven miles
> Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
> 
> The west is the best
> The west is the best
> Get here, and we'll do the rest
> 
> The blue bus is callin' us
> The blue bus is callin' us
> Driver, where you taken' us
> 
> The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
> He took a face from the ancient gallery
> And he walked on down the hall
> He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
> Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
> He walked on down the hall, and
> And he came to a door...and he looked inside
> Father, yes son, I want to kill you
> Mother...i want to...**** you
> 
> C'mon baby, take a chance with us
> C'mon baby, take a chance with us
> C'mon baby, take a chance with us
> And meet me at the back of the blue bus
> Doin' a blue rock
> On a blue bus
> Doin' a blue rock
> C'mon, yeah
> 
> Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
> 
> This is the end
> Beautiful friend
> This is the end
> My only friend, the end
> 
> It hurts to set you free
> But you'll never follow me
> The end of laughter and soft lies
> The end of nights we tried to die
> 
> This is the end


----------



## The Doug

That was one of my favourite songs in CEGEP. The End.


----------



## Cameo

Finished.


----------



## Trose

Concluded.


----------



## Macfury

Finito benito.


----------



## Chris

fin


----------



## Ena

fin de siècle


----------



## Kazak

fin de shark


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fin land


----------



## The Doug

Fin k


----------



## MissGulch

The Fickled Fin ger of Fate.


----------



## HowEver

Jumped the shark.


----------



## The Doug

I thought it was a stingray.


----------



## The Doug

http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com


----------



## Ena

The Doug said:


> http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com


You can run but you can't hide thanks to the internet.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com


If you simian any of those photos, TD, don't tell anyone please.

(Touché, by the way. )


----------



## Trose

Gobbledygook!


Awkward silence: averted


----------



## MissGulch

Peter Lemonjello


----------



## SINC




----------



## djstp

pictures are better than words... cause some words are big and hard to understand


----------



## Ena

djstp said:


> pictures are better than words... cause some words are big and hard to understand


pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis


----------



## Kazak

I'll probably get in trouble if I suggest abbreviating it thusly:

PneumonoultraMicroscopicSilicovolcanoconiosis


----------



## Trose

djstp said:


> pictures are better than words... cause some words are big and hard to understand


Some pictures are, too.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Leonard Cohen says,



> I dislike wiring diagrams and schematics. That is why I did not become an electrician, technician, or engineer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

LC and I have that in common - 










and may the world be grateful.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> and may the world be grateful.


But not for this:


----------



## The Doug

I can fly! I can FLY!!!


----------



## MissGulch

Swat!


----------



## SINC

http://www.officer.com/special_ops/swat.htm


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> http://www.officer.com/special_ops/swat.htm


Only thing some of these flies understand!


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Leonard Cohen says,


I recognize that guy. Didn't he play Spock on Star Trek?


----------



## Cameo

That was Leonard Nimoy ................but he does look an awful lot like him now doesn't it. ???


----------



## Cameo

I googled leonard cohen.

View attachment 1977


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cameo said:


> I ogled leonard cohen.


What!!??!! :yikes:


----------



## MissGulch

Cameo said:


> That was Leonard Nimoy ................but he does look an awful lot like him now doesn't it. ???


I was only kidding. Perhaps Leonard and Leonard were separated at birth?


----------



## Beej

Was the test successful?


----------



## The Doug

Since Leonards Cohen and Nimoy are both still living, I would say that the test was indeed successful.


----------



## The Doug

Now this is bad.


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, that is Finnish existentialism, not to be taken too seriously or too lightly. Kierkegaard, although he was Danish, is considered the father of the Finnish existentialism movement.


----------



## Kazak

Sigh.

I mourn the demise of Finnish existentialism . . .

. . . and red pants.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It is truly Finnished.


----------



## The Doug

I shall listen to Sibelius this morning, and quietly weep.


----------



## SINC

:-(


----------



## HowEver




----------



## MissGulch

Something.


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qqXOFWPGKA


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OE2l6CPna4M"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OE2l6CPna4M" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bFlHdHv-VvI"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bFlHdHv-VvI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## The Doug

*Tisko Tansi!!!*

And now, for your Finnish disco dancing lesson. Who will be able to resist you when you wow 'em with these hot moves on the dance floor.

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Xow5W2XbcQ8"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Xow5W2XbcQ8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Trose

What's with all these videos?


----------



## The Doug

T'es trop jeune pour comprendre.


----------



## Trose

Évidemment.


----------



## Ena

Quel dommage


----------



## overkill

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


----------



## Ena

overkill said:


> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Don't you hate it when a sneezes start and doesn't happen.


----------



## SINC

Never happens to me, ahchoo!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ena said:


> Don't you hate it when a sneezes start and doesn't happen.


----------



## Kazak

This is why your Mom told you never to point.

OR

Sure, Occifer, I can pass your sotiety brest.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

A photo from way back Gwynne.


----------



## Kazak

On June 27, 2006, a man experimenting with new technology created something that, within hours, had grown much larger than he could ever have guessed. It quickly dwarfed others of its kind, and began to demand the attention of all within its domain.

Funnier than a face sliding on concrete, more persistent than a stoned guy selling, like, whatever, with more pages than the final Harry Potter novel, it is . . .

*test.​*
Coming to theatres this fall. Starring Alan Alda as The Doug, Wilford Brimley as Sinc, Ed the Sock as svenaxelson, Uma as Ena, Nick Nolte as SnappleQuaffer, Kevin Costner as thewitt (though Costner's scene will probably end up on the cutting room floor), and a cast of, well, dozens.

Directed by Alan (Heart) Smithee

Produced by (eh)Max Bialystock and the MGM (Chea)lion

You've read the thread, now see the movie:

*test.​*
(also available in 3-D and IMAX--or iMacs)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Review of "test" - 2006 Season*

A horrific server crash leaves a group of surfers stranded on a remote web-site in Canada. The crashees, it can now be revealed include a mysterious man named Kazak. For a while their goal is surreal banter, but they soon realize that it was far more than mere chance that brought them together, and each of them has a purpose that will help them unlock their minds. Step by step, we learn a little more about their diverse and unexpected 'personalities' as the group's quest to stay sane takes shape.


----------



## Kazak

I must be the big guy, because it's been decades since I've worn a muscle shirt, and my Mom told me never to wear dress shirts in the ocean. I recognize that hallucination, though. Sometimes when I'm online, I see him on every page.

We're trying to save him, not drown him, right?

Right?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> We're trying to save him, not drown him, right?


Yes.

He actually floats. He's made of cork, from the cork tree species _Phellodendron ehmaccia_.


----------



## SINC




----------



## gastonbuffet

* how about "scratching"?
- over your pants, Manly.
* and under?
- mmm, too manly!!


----------



## The Doug

I _see_.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> * how about "scratching"?
> - over your pants, Manly.
> * and under?
> - mmm, too manly!!


I suppose I'll have to start wearing pa ....


----------



## MissGulch

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I suppose I'll have to start wearing pa ....


I suppose I'll have to start wearing panties. :heybaby:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> I suppose I'll have to start wearing panties.


Well, really! I was in the middle of saying "pastel colours", when the phone rang. 

And now, to reintroduce some good taste into these proceedings, a word from our sponsors .....


----------



## Chris

Snapple Quaffer said:


> word from our sponsors .....



*cough* hem, hem.


Bum!


----------



## SINC




----------



## gastonbuffet

Sinc, can i get a 24 pack of the pearl green? Do you have "rugged" ones as well? I'm also a for-giving kinda guy.


----------



## (( p g ))

"The owls are not what they seem."


----------



## SINC




----------



## Trose

(( p g )) said:


> "The owls are not what they seem."


They're _whooooo_ they seem.


----------



## Kazak

"Drop down, reverse direction, increase speed."

- Lrr


----------



## The Doug

Emergency diaper-change instructions?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To make triangles from cows, you need butter, cheese and milk.


----------



## (( p g ))

"This must be where pies go when they die."


----------



## SINC

http://www.cowpieclocks.com/cowpieclocks.html


----------



## Kazak

Just the thing for when you're having a really sh***y time.


----------



## The Doug

Excuse me I'm looking for the nuclear wessels. Nuclear _wessels_.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Would you settle for an atomic _stoat_?

Verry similar, und also verry popular, especially with the ladies.


----------



## gastonbuffet

I don't mean to be rude, but this tests are far too simple to demand my full attention.


----------



## HowEver

gastonbuffet said:


> I don't mean to be rude, but this tests are far too simple to demand my full attention.


What were you saying?


----------



## SINC

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=what+are+you+saying


----------



## HowEver

OMG!

SINC reference Jay and Silent Bob!

What next? Will he be quoting Emo Philips in day to day conversation??




SINC said:


> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=what+are+you+saying


----------



## Kazak

Emo Philips =

sip hemp oil
lime hippos
impish pole


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> I don't mean to be rude, but this tests are far too simple to demand my full attention.


Not rude at all. Good of you to bring it up.

Get on the end of this.

Two intersecting circles C1 and C2 have a common tangent which touches C1 at P and C2 at Q. The two circles intersect at M and N, where N is nearer to PQ than M is. The line PN meets the circle C2 again at R. Prove that MQ bisects angle PMR.


----------



## Ena

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Two intersecting circles C1 and C2 have a common tangent which touches C1 at P and C2 at Q. The two circles intersect at M and N, where N is nearer to PQ than M is. The line PN meets the circle C2 again at R. Prove that MQ bisects angle PMR.


Wrong exam room, the test being set here is for philosophy. Define 'truism'


----------



## HowEver

Explain World War II.

Use back of page if necessary.


----------



## KreenysMac

*Wierd and Woolly Fact of the Day*: "Bob" from Sesame Street is doing TV spots for Variety in BC.


----------



## gastonbuffet

avra said:


> But I enjoy ridiculousness.



Or maybe that turns you on... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy/girl/ful one.
Partytime is over.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> Maybe that's how you get your kicks...


Do you get yours on Route 66?


----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


>


----------



## Beej

I thought it would be bigger.


----------



## SINC

77 times bigger?


----------



## Beej

Ouch.


----------



## ColBalt

499


----------



## ColBalt

500th post.. 

I'm a star!


----------



## The Doug

Red Giant, Blue Giant, White Dwarf, Black Dwarf, or Neutron?


----------



## Trose

The Doug said:


> Red Giant, Blue Giant, White Dwarf, Black Dwarf, or Neutron?


Yes.


----------



## ColBalt

The Doug said:


> Red Giant, Blue Giant, White Dwarf, Black Dwarf, or Neutron?


I'm a *SuperStar*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Red Giant, Blue Giant, White Dwarf, Black Dwarf, or Neutron?


That's a very personal question!


----------



## The Doug

Ah. That means you're a Blue Dwarf then.


----------



## gastonbuffet

are you talking about Sinc's condoms?


----------



## The Doug

*ehMac Rules:*

1st RULE: You do not talk about Sinc's condoms.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about Sinc's condoms.

3rd RULE: You ABSOLUTELY DO NOT talk about Sinc's condoms.


----------



## gastonbuffet

BUT, doesn't a tree in the forest comes down, even if you don't talk about it? eh? eh? ahhhhhhh


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It looks, also as if Sinc's condom comes down in the forest! Here he bashfully looks away from the camera.


----------



## HowEver

This translation reads like a Japanese t-shirt.




gastonbuffet said:


> BUT, doesn't a tree in the forest comes down, even if you don't talk about it? eh? eh? ahhhhhhh


----------



## svenaxelson

I am back and it's raining nails.


----------



## Trose

svenaxelson said:


> I am back and it's raining nails.


Then you shouldn't have come back.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It looks, also as if Sinc's condom comes down in the forest! Here he bashfully looks away from the camera.












Take that!


----------



## gastonbuffet

so freaking Barney was from Alberta, and friend of yours!!!! I knew it


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Take that!


A low and dastardly blow indeed.

The stuff of nightmares.


----------



## The Doug

My hovercraft is full of eels.


----------



## SINC

And mine gets around on wheels.


----------



## overkill

so close....


----------



## The Doug

...And yet, Düsseldorf is such an unfunny town.


----------



## HowEver

Buy cologne in Koln.


----------



## Trose

Just about...


----------



## Trose

Woo! 8 posts!! :clap: :clap:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Second Millennium is born, and not a single comet in the sky.


----------



## Kazak

Damn.

I had my heart set on #1000, but I got distracted by life in general, then the book-banning thread. Oh well, it's still an impressive total for a thread that should have stopped at one.

Dibs on #2007.


----------



## overkill

so far in the past....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Always look ahead. There's more to life than Digestive biscuits.


----------



## The Doug

I am beginning to think that most of this is not true.


----------



## SINC

Truer words were never spoken.


----------



## gmark2000

Testing an embedded flash presentation. Click 'play' once loaded.

<object width="600" height="400"><param name="movie" value="http://www.mapsofwar.com/images/EMPIRE17.swf"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.mapsofwar.com/images/EMPIRE17.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="600" height="400"></embed></object>


----------



## HowEver

gmark2000 said:


> Testing an embedded flash presentation. Click 'play' once loaded.


The presentation is out of date now.


----------



## SINC

And speaking of dates:


----------



## Beej

Is this turning into a singles hangout?


----------



## HowEver

A low-rent rendezvous.


----------



## The Doug

Sex Girl Patrol will save you.

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/S1GXorS2AN4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/S1GXorS2AN4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## gastonbuffet

The Doug: if there ever was a thread killer......... you nailed it!!!!


----------



## SINC

gastonbuffet said:


> The Doug: if there ever was a thread killer......... you nailed it!!!!


Nope, thread is still here.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*It's spreading!*

Seems this thread has sown its seed elsewhere - 'Son of test'.

http://www.ehmac.ca/showthread.php?p=463068#post463068


----------



## HowEver

And here.


----------



## gastonbuffet

at a large friend's thanksgiving dinner, we thanked all around. when my turn was up i went:

"A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man........aaaarghhhh"

wife didn't like


----------



## Kazak

gastonbuffet said:


> at a large friend's thanksgiving dinner


Just curious: which was large--the dinner or the friend?


----------



## Trose

Kazak said:


> Just curious: which was large--the dinner or the friend?


Neither, it was the thanksgiving.


----------



## gastonbuffet

"YESSSSSS, I'm in the ZONE!!!!!!"


----------



## Trose

Bob = Fun







Boring


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> "YESSSSSS, I'm in the ZONE!!!!!!"


Venn did that happen?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Venn did that happen?


It happened Venn he was circling the intersection, looking for his union.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Looks like a set up to me.

P.S. 2^10 already.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

*In taberna quando sumus*

_Tam pro papa quam pro rege 
bibunt omnes sine lege. 
Bibit hera, bibit herus, 
bibit miles, bibit clerus, 
bibit ille, bibit illa, 
bibit servus cum ancilla, 
bibit velox, bibit piger, 
bibit albus, bibit niger, 
bibit constans, bibit vagus, 
bibit rudis, bibit magus, 
Bibit pauper et aegrotus, 
bibit exul et ignotus, 
bibit puer, bibit canus, 
bibit praesul et decanus, 
bibit soror, bibit frater, 
bibit anus, bibit mater, 
bibit ista, bibit ille, 
bibunt centum, bibunt mille..._


----------



## gastonbuffet

Just have a designated driver, anyone but sororibus vanis. Cheers


----------



## Kazak

Here's a translation for the beer crowd:

Amtay opray apapay amquay opray egeray 
ibuntbay omnesay inesay egelay. 
Ibitbay erahay, ibitbay erushay, 
ibitbay ilesmay, ibitbay erusclay,
etay eteracay . . .


----------



## The Doug

Ankyouthay.


----------



## gastonbuffet

I just got a call from Daemon Mailer!!!! He wants to take a vacation, he says he needs help. He was pissed!!!!


----------



## Trose

gastonbuffet said:


> I just got a call from Daemon Mailer!!!! He wants to take a vacation, he says he needs help. He was pissed!!!!


 You better call an exorcist, quick!


----------



## SINC

OK . . .


----------



## The Doug

Work is long when you're wearin' a thong.


----------



## SINC

With apologies to the nursery rhyme, "Thing a thong of thick pants."


----------



## Beej

Was that the original "Thong Song"?


----------



## overkill

Sisqo or was it Crisco?


----------



## Ena

No, the Count of Monte Cristo


----------



## gastonbuffet

the thong is a thing of the ass!!!!

tm

patent in progress


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Thongs! They just crack me up.


----------



## SINC

Or down as the case may be.


----------



## The Doug

For your information, P'Thong is the name of my fourth cousin.

Sincerely,

Spock


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Or down as the case may be.


Um ... Sinc ...

... does that mean you put your thong on over your head? 

YouTube, and the world, awaits!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> For your information, P'Thong is the name of my fourth cousin.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Spock


His first name wouldn't be Monty by any chance?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

When the sun beats down and I lie on the bench, 
I can always hear them talk. 
Me, I'm just a lawnmower - you can tell me by the way I walk.

Why, I have to ask myself? Why?


----------



## Cameo

We're all nuts!


----------



## SINC

Cashews, peanuts, walnuts or what?


----------



## HowEver

"Sunday night, Mr Farmer called. Said 'listen son, you’re wasting time. There’s a future for you in the fire escape trade. Come up to town.'
"But I remembered a voice from the past. 'Gambling always pays when you’re winning.'
"I had to thank old Miss Mort for schooling a failure. Keep those mowing blades sharp..."





Snapple Quaffer said:


> When the sun beats down and I lie on the bench,
> I can always hear them talk.
> Me, I'm just a lawnmower - you can tell me by the way I walk.
> 
> Why, I have to ask myself? Why?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I know what I like. 

Macadamia nut ice cream atop a Creme Brulee.


----------



## Trose

I like me.


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8ShtL6pYI90"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8ShtL6pYI90" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## HowEver

And thus Matt Frewer's career was remembered (which may be the most ridiculous statement in this thread).


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xw2lCPeyyCk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xw2lCPeyyCk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

At last! Some high culture to soothe us.

Now ... where's my feather?


----------



## gastonbuffet

salvia divinorum is da'bong!!!

so i've heard on cbc radio. legal too.

anyone here care to TEST it?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> anyone here care to TEST it?


If it comes in suppository form … I know someone I can test it on.


----------



## MissGulch

SINC said:


> Cashews, peanuts, walnuts or what?


Peanuts are legumes. The legumes have been slighted, and they are angry.


----------



## Macfury

The princess has given you a jewel to protect you on your journey.


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> Peanuts are legumes. The legumes have been slighted, and they are angry.


Drat, I knew that too.


----------



## MissGulch

Macfury said:


> The princess has given you a jewel to protect you on your journey.


I sold it on eBay. Sorry, princess. :greedy:


----------



## Trose

Macfury said:


> The princess has given you a jewel to protect you on your journey.


A JEWEL has joined the party!


----------



## Trose

MissGulch said:


> I sold it on eBay. Sorry, princess. :greedy:


A JEWEL has left the party!


----------



## gastonbuffet

i wouldn't part-y with my jewels!


----------



## Chris

My jewels jingle when I walk....


----------



## Ena

Bit early for Jingle Bells.


----------



## HowEver

Ena said:


> Bit early for Jingle Bells.


Or very, very late.


----------



## The Doug

HowEver said:


> Or very, very late.


So true. And now it's getting too late in the year for jungle balls, I believe.


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> So true. And now it's getting too late in the year for jungle balls, I believe.


No one *GIF*t this, please!


----------



## gastonbuffet

HowEver said:


> No one *GIF*t this, please!



it's too cold now, but net summer i'll post one. I'm proud of my boys. 

could someone recognize me?


----------



## MissGulch

The evil eye needs new mascara.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

MissGulch said:


> The evil eye needs new mascara.


You know there's only MAC Cosmetics, sugar.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Who he?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Who he?


He's like these:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drag_queen


----------



## MissGulch

Put on your jammies. It's time for bedlam. :yawn:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> He's like these:
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drag_queen


Or this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6094782.stm ?


----------



## The Doug

Oh no. Not _another_ toilet fracas.


----------



## Beej

What about eau de toilet?


----------



## HowEver

"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride."



MissGulch said:


> Put on your jammies. It's time for bedlam. :yawn:


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SvfOabNw2F4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/SvfOabNw2F4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mNUdHEpvt9Q"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mNUdHEpvt9Q" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Don't tell the trees ...
... 'cause the trees don't have to know ...


----------



## gastonbuffet

- have you ever had a shake at "Crammedberries"?

- No.

- Don't .

- Why?

- It's a gay bar.


----------



## SINC

Oh boy!

http://www.crocuta.net/AtTheGayBar.mov


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


>


Boy, do I remember those from my childhood!


----------



## gastonbuffet

HowEver said:


> Homophobia doens't belong on ehMac. Reported.



Wow.

No wonder why most people don't realize that 10% of the population is gay.

"Look gay" ??

Welcome to 1956.




what happened in 1956? 

Homophobe???? that is a BIG word. Me? Are you serious? I guess you are, you reported me. 

My apologies.


----------



## MissGulch

She's gay: Gay


----------



## Dr.G.

Col. Tibbets decided to name his plane the Enola Gay after his mother.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## The Doug

Thwarted, contorted, distorted, exported, reported, retorted, transported.


----------



## MissGulch

Relieved.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Perceived, believed, deceived, conceived.


----------



## The Doug

Achieved, retrieved.


----------



## gastonbuffet

Crapped!!!!

i/e:

My life is yet! I'm crapped!



there are different ways to use it.


----------



## gastonbuffet

my marihuana grown operation is busted!

I'm yetted!!! or

I'm crapped!


----------



## The Doug

Snapped.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'll have a pint of what you're drinking, G. 

Zapped.


----------



## gastonbuffet

due to the tons of pm I've gotten in the last hour, and emails and calls. let me just say , for the record:

I am NOT crapped. 
repeat: NOT crapped.

deliveries will be as usual. Nothing is changed. All is fine.

stop calling!!!!

ps: I'm not having a liquidation sale either, dammit!!!!!!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are you .... cramped?


----------



## MissGulch

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I'll have a pint of what you're drinking, G.


Quaffed.


----------



## gastonbuffet

Lagaffed.......Gaston Lagaffe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaston_Lagaffe


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Anyone had any good beans lately?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Anyone had any good beans lately?


Yep, bean there, done that!


----------



## gastonbuffet

i had the new, genetically modified "odorless" beans.....if you know what i bean.

Stay away from them!!!!! they are odorless, but they taste like crap.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> .... but they taste like crap.


Do you have good vision?


----------



## The Doug

The trouble with eating a can of beans is, you never can tell which bean made you fart.


----------



## Kazak

Isn't it enough to have farted? Why must we overanalzye everything? Is your life lessened at all by not knowing which bean was responsible? Should we divert our scientists from their other work to identify which beans carry the fart gene? Can it be GMed out of existence once found? _Should_ we eliminate the fart gene? 

Oops, I smell an election issue.


----------



## SINC

Pssst, it's the blue button . . .

http://www.dotfart.com/articles.php


----------



## MissGulch

This thread is seriously off-track.


----------



## overkill

which track do we need to be on? im soooo lost!


----------



## gastonbuffet

gastrointestinal tracK?

Did you catched that new movie? It's "never ending story" meets "gone with the wind".


----------



## Kazak

Or is that Gaston-intestinal tract?

And you thought "The Milagro Beanfield War" was fought with guns!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Who's been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch recently?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Who's been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch recently?


and is it true that their postcards come in a roll?


I think Jane Siberry (now Issa) has probably been there:

"and my heart is black and heavy
it is slags of Merthyr Tydfil"

"and it's Beddgelert and frozen dirt"

- both from "You Don't Need"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... and is it true that their postcards come in a roll?


Yes, normally with french fries and a choice of coleslaw or green salad.


----------



## The Doug

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/g8Z1MpcyqQU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/g8Z1MpcyqQU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


----------



## Kazak

Well, I was a little sad (and apparently juvenile) to see that the "Do You Fart" thread was closed. Of course, if that thread had a lesson at all, it would have to be that you can't permanently close things that are fart-related.

So, what I wanted to say there, and will say here instead, is that I now understand guytoronto's signature better than before (and better than I'd care to). I think I have new insights into The Doug's Location as well. Perhaps "The Doug" is slang in a non-BC part of the country, as in "The date was going really well until . . ." You can guess the rest.

Yours sadly and with juvenility,

Kazak (the ultimate canine palindrome)


----------



## Chris

Has this test failed?


----------



## MissGulch

The Blob has cleaned up his act.


----------



## audiodan

MissGulch said:


> The Blob has cleaned up his act.


Which Bob?


----------



## Trose

audiodan said:


> Which Bob?


The 50th.




(There is a reason behind 50th, it wasn't a random number. Think about it.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chris said:


> Has this test failed?


Not at all. It's quietly running in the background, constantly testing and probing.


----------



## The Doug

And it uses less memory than the average Widget.


----------



## MissGulch

*ehMac Haiku*

Wither fart thread
As the winds die down.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Er ... Sinc. Is that the view outside your privy?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> Wither fart thread
> As the winds die down.


Wither fart thread.
As the winds die down,
The long sobs
Of autumn's violins
Wound my heart
With a monotonous langour.


----------



## gastonbuffet

this thread stinks!!!


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Er ... Sinc. Is that the view outside your privy?


No, just the breeze created by this thread.


----------



## Cameo

View attachment 2372


Just thought I'd look in on you to see if you are alright! ,....... yep, you are. AND YOU Don't Very LOOK BUSY. Have a nice day!!!


----------



## Kazak

Anybody seen "How to Get Ahead in Advertising"? I think Richard E. Grant's growth is all grown up (see Cameo's photo). Someone should introduce him to Lara Flynn _____.


----------



## HowEver

Boyle.




Kazak said:


> Anybody seen "How to Get Ahead in Advertising"? I think Richard E. Grant's growth is all grown up (see Cameo's photo). Someone should introduce him to Lara Flynn _____.


----------



## Trose

HowEver said:


> Boyle.


Tin foil.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Olive Oyl


----------



## Kazak

potting soil

according to Hoyle

Ariel: "Is there more toil?"

full rolling boil

Ain't she my special goyle?

Hamlet: ". . . shuffle off this mortal coil"

left to spoil

dogs are loyal


----------



## SINC

Touche with a foil.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Foiled again!


----------



## The Doug

You're no Jedi.


----------



## MissGulch

Dead-Eye Dick.


----------



## SINC

http://www.dickblick.com/


----------



## kwmike

When birds fly in a V formation, do you know why one side of the formation is always longer than the other?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Economy class.


----------



## kwmike

theres more birds in that side.


----------



## SINC

kwmike said:


> When birds fly in a V formation, do you know why one side of the formation is always longer than the other?


Sure do. It's because there is one more bird on that side.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Economy class.


Oh you sass.


----------



## Chris

Didn't have the brass.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Just a pile of frass


----------



## Cameo

Now isn't that really crass!


----------



## Trose

No thanks, I'll pass.


----------



## SINC

And a donkey is an ass.


----------



## The Doug

Even in Boston, Mass.


----------



## Cameo

That fish is a bass


----------



## Chris

Don't give me any sass!


----------



## The Doug

Been used before. I'll show you the door.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Big Mama Cass


----------



## SINC

I'm going to raise a glass.


----------



## kwmike

with the weather today I am glad "they" are not made of brass


----------



## Trose

The Doug said:


> Been used before. I'll show you the door.


No need to harass.


----------



## Cameo

Opinions of the mass (es)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

D'ye think so, lass?


----------



## SINC

I doubt it, alas.


----------



## Beej

1162=10

[Note: Sinc is jerk, he ruined my equation.]


----------



## SINC

Beej said:


> [Note: Sinc is jerk, he ruined my equation.]


Always happy to oblige.


----------



## Cameo

Okay guys, be nice. You don't want me to have to get between you do you?


----------



## Beej

Cameo said:


> Okay guys, be nice. You don't want me to have to get between you do you?


Like Sinc got between me and 1161?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We're in a morass.


----------



## Beej

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We're in a morass.


I wish I had lessass.


----------



## Trose

I will need to see your boarding pass.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beej said:


> I wish I had lessass.


I'll bet she does too!


----------



## MissGulch

I smell a rat.


----------



## Beej

She who smelt it, dealt it.


----------



## Trose

My Dth post! Halfway to M!


----------



## SINC

So? What's a 4th post halfway through the alphabet got to do with anything?

Oh, I see, it keeps the thread alive.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I think Trose might be using the hypernumerical alphabet here, Sinc.

Thus his next post could well be the Cth post, being the (M + 1)th post halfway between the Kth and the Pth.

You see?


----------



## Kazak

Just in case either Sinc or SQ weren't kidding, this is my CCL -somethingth post.

Hope this helps.


----------



## Kazak

And, just to get us back on track (not that that's the purpose of this thread):

"Once I had a love, and it was a gas
Soon turned out had a heart of glass."

CCLII - just a little past halfway to D


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> ... back on track ...


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


----------



## SINC

That's one IV the books!


----------



## Chris

I'll IInd that!


----------



## SINC

If we keep this up, one will have to pay close aXtion to know what is being posted.


----------



## MissGulch

aXchooo!


----------



## singingcrow

And gesundheit to you!


----------



## Max

adieu.


----------



## Kazak

MissGulch said:


> aXchooo!


Anyone for Xnis?

The Xsion is killing me.

Kernel panic = Xdonitis

X lords a leaping

Remember exXsions?

Ren X X


----------



## SINC

This is getting to be II much.


----------



## Kazak

Another milestone:

In a different thread, I just reached post number 2^8.

Incidentally, I understand the rule that required the year 1999 to be written as MCMXCIX, but I wonder if the Roman Empire might still be around if they'd embraced simplicity, and written it MIM.

Oh well, I'll take XCIX over quatre-vingt dix-neuf anyday.


----------



## singingcrow

I thought this was MMVI!  

What's this got to do with Wayne Gretsky anyway?


----------



## Kazak

Well, Gretzky is the coach of the Phoen-nine Coyotes.


----------



## The Doug

Ricola... _Ricolaaaaaaaa..._


----------



## SINC

Global TV has a weather lady here whose name is Nicola. It is even pronounced the same and all I ever hear during the weather is:

Nicola... Nicolaaaaaaaa...


----------



## Kazak

Here in the land of boiled water, of course, we hear

E. coli... E. coliiiiiiiiii...


----------



## Chris

And if Lassie was here it'd be "E. collie, e. collieeeeee"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

First post of 2007!


----------



## MissGulch

Tarragon of virtue.


----------



## Trose

No January posts test: Passed.


----------



## The Doug

I smile like Chicago.


----------



## HowEver

"I don't go in for those back door shenanigans."


----------



## Vexel

That's Smurfarific!


----------



## Chris

Frack! How could I miss a whole month?  

Oh, belgium!


----------



## Kazak

Chris said:


> Oh, belgium!


So now he's opened Andorra's Box.


----------



## SINC

Why? Just because he mentioned Elgium?


----------



## Cameo

Did I just miss something?


----------



## The Doug

Freak out in a moonage daydream _oh yeah!_


----------



## gastonbuffet

what to do with that orange that has a part of it that is juiceless. is there a way to redistribute the juice from the juicy part to the dry part? will the supermarket refund 1/2 or 1/3 of the price of an orange if i take it back? will they give me a full orange in exchange? Is this a potential profit maker sending back orange pieces all over town to get whole oranges?

HELP. I don't know who else to ask!!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

gastonbuffet said:


> Is this a potential profit maker sending back orange pieces all over town to get whole oranges?
> 
> HELP. I don't know who else to ask!!!!


I could advise for a slice of the profits.


----------



## SINC

gastonbuffet said:


> what to do with that orange that has a part of it that is juiceless. is there a way to redistribute the juice from the juicy part to the dry part? will the supermarket refund 1/2 or 1/3 of the price of an orange if i take it back? will they give me a full orange in exchange? Is this a potential profit maker sending back orange pieces all over town to get whole oranges?
> 
> HELP. I don't know who else to ask!!!!


Perhaps consult an Orangutan?


----------



## The Doug

This once-pulpy thread has gone completely to seed. I'm going to gaze at my navel for a while, then peel out.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We must continue with zest.


----------



## T-hill

I haven't been in this thread in a while. What have I missed?


----------



## Trose

T-hill said:


> I haven't been in this thread in a while. What have I missed?


Butterflies.


----------



## MissGulch

T-hill said:


> What have I missed?


Maid of the Mist.


----------



## Ena

Play 'Misty' for me


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> Perhaps consult an Orangutan?


or "Gorillas in the Mist."

(probably preferable to gorillas in the midst)
(or guerrillas in Myst)


----------



## Chris

Gorilla my dreams?

:lmao:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Queen Kong?


----------



## The Doug

I prefer fish & chimps.


----------



## SINC

A chimp off the old block?


----------



## gastonbuffet

how to get the chimp off your shoulder? mature content only answers please


----------



## Vexel

gastonbuffet said:


> how to get the chimp off your shoulder? mature content only answers please


If I had a monkey, I'd name him "Spank."


----------



## The Doug

*this is a job for*

_alaaaarrrrm foooooorrrce!_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Remember: Your Body is a Temple.


----------



## The Doug

Incontinentia.


----------



## SINC

And speaking of continents, what ever happened to Laurasia?


----------



## The Doug

Buttocks.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They're everywhere.


----------



## Kazak

Well, it may be true that none of us are ever far from at least two buttocks (Monty Python reference #1), but it would be a disturbing planet if they were actually everywhere. (lupins, anyone?)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... but it would be a disturbing planet if they were actually everywhere. (lupins, anyone?)


There must be at least 12~14 billion of them* around at present. It truly is the goal of the human species to make a complete arse of the planet.


*  Don't talk to me about lupins.


----------



## MissGulch

Your lupins or your life.


----------



## chuckster

What? You mean the flower lupin?


----------



## The Doug

Watch out, or you'll be poopin' lupin.


----------



## Trose

It's never Lupus.


----------



## SINC

Hop to it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Hop to it.


*You talkin' ta me?*


----------



## The Doug

What's the best shaving cream to use with Occam's Razor?


----------



## SINC

Brand does not matter. Just be sure to use the bare minimum.


----------



## Chris

And it must be the simpler of the two choices.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Why, Occam's shaving cream of course! (Duh!)


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Trose

Hahahahahaha!

:lmao:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Tell moron exec. 

Oops. Wrong thread.

Of course, one of the beauties of the mighty "Test" is that there's nothing that doesn't belong here.


----------



## SINC

Belong where?


----------



## The Doug

Yes.


----------



## MissGulch

Fizzbin.


----------



## Vexel

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy wuzzy?


----------



## SINC

The blind man saw a hare
The dumb man said, "Where?"
The man with no legs ran and caught it
And the naked man put it in his pocket


----------



## The Doug

MissGulch said:


> Fizzbin.


Exactly. :clap:


----------



## Chris

Precisely.


----------



## Cameo

That is correct


----------



## Vexel

Indeed.


----------



## CN

Yep.


----------



## Beej

Sort of.


----------



## The Doug

Ho-ho, that's now! That's real now! I reach that, brother. I really do.


----------



## ErnstNL

Razzle Dazzle


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Passed. Nem con.


----------



## The Doug

Wait - shouldn't it be Big Mc instead of Big Mac?


----------



## MissGulch

Coyote Karaoke.


----------



## Trose

Mallard ballad


(that's hard to say)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Malibu caribou


----------



## The Doug

Howdy-doo boogaloo.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Gino Vannelli - fact, or fiction?


----------



## genuineadvantage

Beans


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> Beans


A sentiment oft thought, but ne'er so well expressed.


----------



## MissGulch

Threadicide

-end of thread-


----------



## Kazak

They say threadicide is painless (it brings on many changes), but I'm not ready to go there yet.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Threadicide: the deliberate assassination of threadworms.

Are you feeling itchy?


----------



## Kazak

Gee, the lifecycle of the threadworm is decidedly unglamourous.

I'm going to leave all the jokes about the 7th planet for others.


----------



## The Doug

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to be out of the rain.


----------



## Max

In the desert, you can dismember your fame
cos there ain't no fun in appearing with shame

oh lah lah lalalala lahhhhh
lah lah lah lahhhhhhh laaaaaaaaaaauuuuugghhh


----------



## HowEver

"I Dismember Mama."

(Name the movie that movie-title quotation comes from.)


----------



## SINC

"I Dismember Mama."


----------



## The Doug

I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've seen sunny days I thought would never end


----------



## HowEver

F/X.




HowEver said:


> "I Dismember Mama."
> 
> (Name the movie that movie-title quotation comes from.)


----------



## SINC

There is also a movie with the same "I Dismember Mama" title:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071639/


----------



## HowEver

*Screen Test*

This is such a subjective thread.




SINC said:


> There is also a movie with the same "I Dismember Mama" title:
> 
> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071639/


----------



## Kazak

This is such a threadive subject.

To my knowledge, there is no movie entitled "I Diss Mama's Member," and it's probably just as well.


----------



## Kazak

Rented a tent, a tent, a tent;
Rented a tent, a tent, a tent.
Rented a tent!
Rented a tent!
Rented a, rented a tent.

- Snare drum on Mars


----------



## The Doug

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat.


----------



## Kazak

Charo and Gary Busey standing on your feet.


----------



## The Doug

The Pet Shop Boys hate you.


----------



## Kazak

I wasn't sure if it was an allusion or just general Dougness. I didn't feel like Googling the phrase. My apologies to Neil and Chris. They might like me better after they see this.

There should be no confusion about whether my line was invented, since common sense tells us that it is (or at least used to be) impossible for Charo to stand on anyone's feet.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> ...since common sense tells us that it is (or at least used to be) impossible for Charo to stand on anyone's feet.


Very true. 

I'm not sure about Gary Busey though. Let's e-mail him (arguably a less dangerous thing than e-mailing Mickey Rourke).


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, folks. I just realized that the link above may not work for all of you. Even if it does, you'll be lacking some context.

Then again, that's been the story of this thread all along.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I'm not sure about Gary Busey though. Let's e-mail him (arguably a less dangerous thing than e-mailing Mickey Rourke).


You first. 

Or let's flip a coin: heads = Busey, tails = Nick Nolte.

Never mind. Nolte can't stand on anyone's feet either, but for different reasons.

Tails = Sean Penn.


----------



## The Doug

And if the coin lands and stands on its edge, we will invite Tom Cruise to give us a lecture on his favourite topic.


----------



## Kazak

He, of course, needs to stand on someone's feet, just to be seen.


----------



## HowEver

Nice irony, considering how Busey smashed his head when he fell off his motorcycle.



Kazak said:


> You first.
> 
> Or let's flip a coin: *heads = Busey*, tails = Nick Nolte.
> 
> Never mind. Nolte can't stand on anyone's feet either, but for different reasons.
> 
> Tails = Sean Penn.


----------



## Kazak

Unintentional, but I'll take it. He only got heads so Nolte could be tails.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

What's weird is that if you gave him a haircut, he'd look like Gary Busey.

What's sad is that beneath that exterior, that not even the people on "What Not to Wear" would touch, there lies a very good actor.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> ...there lies a very good actor.


Very true.

Now, back on topic.

Not The Craw, The _Craw!_


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Now, back on topic.


----------



## The Doug

Main Entry: iro·ny
Pronunciation: 'I-r&-nE also 'I(-&)r-nE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -nies
Etymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eirOnia, from eirOn dissembler
1 : a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony
*2 a : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning* b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c : an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity b : incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony.


----------



## HowEver

You don't say!


----------



## Kazak

Anyway, back on topic.

86 + 99 = ?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## MissGulch

Would you believe....?


----------



## gastonbuffet

when it rains, traffic goes much more ......unfast?


----------



## Chris

Anticipation.....


----------



## The Doug

Trivia...


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Trivia...


----------



## Kazak

Chris said:


> Anticipation.....


From the link:

People who like this song also like "Billy Don't Be A Hero" "Itchycoo Park" and "I Got You Babe."

Talk about character assassination. I guess they didn't have room for "Seasons in the Sun."


----------



## SINC

You missed "The Age Of Aquarius".


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Gimme a Winchester rifle and a whole box of shells
Blow the roof off the goat barn ...


Ooops! Wrong thread!


----------



## The Doug

I just want a Royale With Cheese.


----------



## Deep Blue

I used to sing Billy Don't Be a Hero with my siblings while we did the dishes after lunch on Sundays as the wireless (=radio) played the song in the background.

UB 40's white boy reggae version of I've got You Babe is pretty good.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ooops! Wrong thread!


SQ, the beauty of "test" is that there's nothing that doesn't belong here (including cheese). So get the goats out of the barn and have at 'er, hammer and tongs, sickle and scythe . . .


----------



## Deep Blue

The Doug said:


>


Bring on The Cone of Silence...

Chief: "NOT the Cone of Silence" (pained look on face and then it fails to rise after their top secret conversation)...


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> SQ, the beauty of "test" is that there's nothing that doesn't belong here (including cheese). So get the goats out of the barn and have at 'er, hammer and tongs, sickle and scythe . . .


----------



## HowEver

...mortar and pestle?

What is this thread coming to?


----------



## SINC

Well, it seems to be grinding right along, non?


----------



## Kazak

Deep Blue, I have heard of this "radio" before. I believe it is a small white object one can attach to one's iPod. Yet your post suggests that this "radio" pre-dates the iPod by some years. Please tell me more.

I am curious, too, about this practice of washing dishes by hand.


----------



## Kazak

HowEver said:


> ...mortar and pestle?


Sonny and Cher
Itchy and Scratchy
_Sturm und Drang_
rise and shine
macaroni and cheese
in and out
86 and 99


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Sonny and Cher
> Itchy and Scratchy
> _Sturm und Drang_
> rise and shine
> macaroni and cheese
> in and out
> 86 and 99


Tod und Verklarung.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bubble & Squeak


----------



## Cliffy

Bangers & Mash


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak




----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Whoa, Shields and Yarnell. Now there's a blast from the past.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug




----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


>


Neo-corn.


----------



## Kazak

Three more pairs of well-known entertainers from years gone by:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## HowEver

Sax and Violins.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The 'Ayes' have it.


----------



## Kazak

The Aaaaaa. . . .s have it.


----------



## The Doug

Are those coconut shell halves?


----------



## SINC

http://www.blackmustache.com/shellgame.html


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Are those coconut shell halves?


. . . or are you just happy to see me?

Or as Jimi almost sang, "'scuse me while I swing this cat."


----------



## The Doug

A, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.


----------



## Kazak

Era una noche magica.


----------



## Ena

Caveat emptor


----------



## HowEver

Plus ça change...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nom d'un chien.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> A, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.


Kuchenga Pamoja.


----------



## Chris

Nom de plume.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chris said:


> Nom de plume.


La plume de ma tante?


----------



## HowEver

"Sonnez les matines, Sonnez les matines..."

Lyrics and Music


----------



## Max

Thrang Thrang Gozinbulx.


----------



## HowEver

Max said:


> Thrang Thrang Gozinbulx.


(I saw that tour...).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

HowEver said:


> (I saw that tour...).


Tour de France ... Tour de France ...


----------



## Kazak

"Who's pushing the pedals on the Season Cycle?"


----------



## MissGulch

Jean de Florette


----------



## Max

HowEver said:


> (I saw that tour...).


And boy, how I wish I had. Alas, there's always the album.

BTW, did you like it?


----------



## The Doug

Ugh.


----------



## Kazak

Reminds me of an old paperback cover of Stephen King's "The Stand." I couldn't find it online, but it was a bandaged hand with an eye in the palm. In general, eyes are disturbing if located anywhere other than in eye sockets.


----------



## The Doug

Stop. Making. Sense.


----------



## Ena

Start. Making. Nonsense.


----------



## The Doug

Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.


----------



## MissGulch

I'm LOST.


----------



## Trose

I'm here, if that helps.


----------



## SINC

Somehow, it doesn't. Nothing personal either.


----------



## HowEver

MissGulch said:


> I'm LOST.


The "Lost subforum":


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.


What's your dog's name?

Digger!!


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Thanks, SINC. I was hoping somebody else would remember.

Man, I hated that commercial.


----------



## SINC

You hated it? Our kids actually had a Lhasa Apso named Digger at the time.


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, but the boy who said, "Digger!!" was just way too enthusiastic. My memory's unreliable, but I think that even as a child, the commercial made me think that Digger was being offered as an acceptable substitute for a real dog, like the one your kids had.

Obviously, your kids would have found the commercial delightful.


----------



## SINC

Indeed, they used to sing along with the commercial and then sang it all day long around the house.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak, here is a commercial you might like.

YouTube - Sprint dachshund commercial


----------



## Kazak

Stampede!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ever seen a millipede stampede?


----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ever seen a millipede stampede?


Yes, back in 2000.

Those were the days.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nice one.


----------



## Dr.G.

We have doxie stampedes in our house each day ............ with more to come as our dachshund is about to give birth. This is a "test" of my endurance to withstand the "force".


----------



## Kazak

While we're immersed in nostalgia and _non sequiturs_:

"Do it for me . . . Lady Patricia."


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

This is the toy we were obsessed with as kids--Johnny for me, and Jane for my sister:









We had piles of their stuff: the horses, the Jeep, the horse trailer. I can still remember how some of the molded parts felt and smelled (or is that too much information?). I must have spent hours turning his hat inside out and back again.

P.S. You would think that with "101 movable positions," the guy who was selling this could have chosen a better one . . .


----------



## The Doug

_Sigh_. Those were the days.


----------



## Kazak

Wow.

Seeing that reminded me of this, which was one of our favourite post-_Star Trek_ shows.


----------



## The Doug

Well, it can still be a favourite. I shall treat myself this summer...


----------



## SINC

And then there were these days:

http://www.radiocrazy.com/shows/B/BuckRogers/Ep732.mp3


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Well, it can still be a favourite. I shall treat myself this summer...


I noticed they're offering a bundle with the complete Space: 1999. That (especially Season One) could leave me scratching my head all over again.

SINC, growing up in Kelowna, there was only one theatre: the Paramount. (We got two more when I was in my teens.) Anyway, at the Paramount, even in the early '70s, Saturday matinees would feature an old newsreel, an episode from a serial (usually The Lone Ranger or Buck Rogers), sometimes an old cartoon, and then the feature. I found the serials annoying, mostly because the cliffhangers were intentionally misleading, but I have since come to recognize what a favour the owners did me by exposing me to the way things were done in an earlier time. 

And darned if I didn't find myself going back Saturday after Saturday to see how the cliffhanger was going to be resolved.


----------



## SINC

Kazac, when I was a kid in the 50s in Sask., they used to run serials every Saturday afternoon. I remember one being "Black Hawk" which ended in a cliff hanger each Saturday. They gave us membership cards with 10 numbers printed around the edge. When one attended the movie with the serial, the ticket seller would "punch" the number out of your card with a specially shaped punch. If you attended all 10 episodes, you were admitted free to the next week's matinee and the start of a new serial and of course a new card too. Ah, memories. The matinee by the way was 5 cents to get in.


----------



## Kazak

SINC, I had no idea that reward cards had been around that long. 20 years after you, I think I was paying a buck for my Saturday matinee experiences.

There's a poem I teach sometimes called "Autobiographical Note" by Vernon Scannell that deals with _his_ memories of watching serials at the movies. I tried to find it online, but failed, and I probably can't post it here. If you ever get the chance to read it, I think you'd like it.

Anyway, it's time for someone to interrupt this discussion or else this thread will finally be about something, which we cannot allow. Maybe I will . . .


----------



## Kazak

"Swamp demons!"


----------



## brundlefly

*Bugglin'*

Bugglin' 1.1.0


----------



## Dr.G.

Sinc, movie serials were not that common anymore in New York City when I was a boy, but I do recall the matinee movies for 25 cents.


----------



## The Doug

Until now, this thread had not a speck of serial.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Until now, this thread had not a speck of serial.


Well, it does now:


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> Until now, this thread had not a speck of serial.


Serial killer Speck:










Richard Speck by David Lohr



> On the Sunday morning of July 14, 1966, residents on South Chicago’s East 100th Street were suddenly awakened by a woman’s screams. As local residents ran outside, they were shocked to notice a young woman standing on the second story ledge of a small townhouse unit. According to George Carpozi’s 1967 book, The Chicago Nurse Murders, the young woman, Corazon Piezo Amurao, began shouting: "Help me! Help me! Everyone is dead … Oh God … he’s killed them all!" she cried out.
> 
> Just then, one of the onlookers noticed a Chicago police car turning onto the street and quickly flagged the patrolman down. Officer Daniel R. Kelly of the South District Station noticed the girl balancing dangerously on the edge of the apartment building and immediately pulled off to the side of the street and jumped out of his patrol car. "You mustn’t jump," he yelled. "Stay right there. I’ll come inside and help you."
> 
> As Kelly made his way through the apartment he made a startling discovery. Just to the left of the front door was the body of a nude woman sprawled out on a couch. Kelly immediately ran over to check the young girl's vitals, but it was too late. Her body was cold to his touch -- she had been dead for several hours. Uncertain what he was getting into, Kelly drew his service revolver and made his way up a narrow flight of stairs. Once at the top of the stairway, he immediately noticed a pair of feet sticking out of a doorway into the hall. As he made his way towards the doorway, he made another startling discovery. A half-nude young woman was lying on her back; slash marks were visible on her neck and breasts. The girl was obviously dead and so Kelly continued to make his way down the hall. Then, just a few feet from the second woman’s body, Kelly looked into a bedroom and discovered three more girls’ bodies strew about the room. Their wrists were bound and all three appeared to have had their throats slashed.
> 
> With each step he took, the scene unraveling before him was becoming more surreal. Kelly had had only been on the force for 18 months and had never witnessed such brutality, especially on such a scale. This was supposed to be a safe and quiet neighborhood and certainly not an area where one would expect to discover multiple murders. Temporarily clearing his mind of his atrocious discoveries, Kelly continued making his way through the second story.
> 
> Gun in hand, Kelly stepped into a second bedroom and made yet another gruesome discovery -- three more girls were lying dead and scattered about the room. The scene was eerily reminiscent of the last and no one appeared to be alive. Kelly spotted the screaming young girl on a ledge outside the window. He quickly ran to her aid and pulled her inside. She was hysterical and trembling uncontrollably. Several patrol cars were beginning to arrive outside, so Kelly yelled down and asked one of the officers to escort the young woman downstairs while he secured the scene.
> 
> Less than an hour after Officer Kelly discovered the scene at Jeffrey Manor, Commander Francis Flanagan, chief of Chicago homicide detectives, began interviewing the only surviving witness, 23-year-old Corazon Piezo Amurao. According to the book Crime of the Century: Richard Speck and the Murder of Eight Student Nurses, by Dennis L. Breo and William J. Martin, the young woman’s voice trembled as she explained to Flanagan that she and the other girls shared the apartment together and they were nursing students at South Chicago Community Hospital. As she spoke, Flanagan did his best to comfort her and asked her to describe to him, as best she could, what happened to her friends.
> 
> ....


----------



## MissGulch

The Search for Speck


----------



## ErnstNL

Great Speckled Bird.


----------



## The Doug

1969. Ian. Sylvia.


----------



## Kazak

1986. Mike.


----------



## Chris

1984. George.


----------



## Ena

May 24th, 1941. Happy Birthday Bob.


----------



## SINC

Bobbing for apples.


----------



## Kazak

Apple Paltrow Martin.


----------



## Trose

Martin Prince, Jr.


----------



## Chris

Junior Mints


----------



## SINC

Mint Julips.


----------



## HowEver

Mint juleps.



SINC said:


> Mint Julips.


----------



## The Doug

*The* Orange Julep.


----------



## Ena

"Bones" favourite libation.


----------



## SINC




----------



## brundlefly

Ena said:


> "Bones" favourite libation.


Ena meet Pixel


----------



## Kazak

Is Pixel a 1 or a 0?


----------



## brundlefly

*she's a she*

and shes the best


----------



## Chris

Ena said:


> "Bones" favourite libation.


"Damnit, Jim, I'm only a doctor!"


----------



## Kazak

Doctor Livingstone, I presume?


----------



## SINC

General George Armstrong Custer's last words at the Battle of the Little Bighorn:

"I just don't understand these Indians. They were friendly enough at the dance last night."


----------



## The Doug

Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rugger baggy babby bu


----------



## Kazak

Byebye, baggy rumper buggers.

(Don't ask.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And it's (all together, now):

Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.


----------



## Kazak

Don't say that five times fast, unless you know the difference between a magician and a chorus line.


----------



## The Doug

Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the successful thistle-sifter, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now, if Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the successful thistle-sifter, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Thadeus


Sorry about that, chief.


----------



## Chris

Aahh! A cunning linguist!


----------



## Ena

Noel Coward


----------



## SINC

Everyone considered him the coward of the county.
Hed never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.
His mama named him tommy, the folks just called him yellow,
But something always told me they were reading tommy wrong.

He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison.
I looked after tommy cause he was my brothers son.
I still recall the final words my brother said to tommy:
Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun.

Promise me, son, not to do the things Ive done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
It wont mean youre weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope youre old enough to understand:
Son, you dont have to fight to be a man.


----------



## Kazak

Kenny Rogers whom?


----------



## The Doug

What if there were no hypothetical questions?


----------



## Ena

Ask no questions and hear no lies


----------



## HowEver




----------



## Ena

Inspector Clousseau: "Does your minkey bite?"


----------



## SINC




----------



## Dr.G.

Send in the doxies at the first sight of a pink panther.

YouTube - Harbour Deep Dachshie Pups


----------



## Kazak

Okay, SINC, your post is just weird. Who knew that panthers have a switch on their chins that pulls their eyelids down?


----------



## MissGulch

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in.


----------



## Kazak

Sitting on the sofa with a sister or two.


----------



## MissGulch

A splendid time is guaranteed for all.


----------



## The Doug

_Over men and horses, hoops and garters,
Lastly, through a hog's head of real fire;
In this way Mr. K will challenge the world...
_


----------



## MissGulch

Such a dirty old man!


----------



## Ena

W. C. Fields


----------



## audiodan

Mean Mister Mustard, sleeps in the park, shaves in the dark, trying to save paper.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> W. C. Fields


W. C. Handy

The Doug: easily one of the silliest episodes.


----------



## The Doug

Silly, silly, and silly! What is silly! You are not Morg, or Eymorg!


----------



## MissGulch

Ena said:


> W. C. Fields


Strawberry Fields Forever


----------



## SINC

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.


----------



## chuckster

Hunting Tigers can be ripping fun
Out in
Out in
Out in India


----------



## SINC




----------



## Trose




----------



## Kazak

Frosted Flakes to frosted tips:


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak




----------



## Deep Blue

I don't believe I have ever post in this potboiler thread.

So there...now I have.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Resistance is useless.

The test-Borg have claimed you.


----------



## MissGulch

Bjorn Borg is your new master.


----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


>


Nice 403.


----------



## SINC

No 404 on this end. The image is there in your post as well.


----------



## The Doug

403 here.


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> 403 here.


This is what we see:

Whoops! There it is. (Hosted on ehMac now.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My God!

It's Margaret Thatcher trying to look human!


----------



## The Doug

No, it's our gracious queen.


----------



## Kazak

No, it's Joan Rivers' alternative to plastic surgery. (A simple wig covers those nasty hooks and tubes right up.)


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

*Non Sequitur*

_There's a port on a western bay
And it serves a hundred ships a day..._


----------



## Kazak

(Man, you should have seen some of the matches I got when I went looking for a picture of this.)


----------



## HowEver

"No cigarettes. No _matches_!!"


----------



## The Doug

_Don't throw your Barbie Dolls in the ocean..._


----------



## Ena

The sweater has that slightly goat-like smell which all teenage boys possess...


----------



## MissGulch

The Shangri-la Testhouse


----------



## Kazak

MissGulch said:


> The Shangri-la Testhouse


Yes, this thread is a _test_ament to the enduring appeal of 
randomness
randomitude
randomosity
randomiquity
randomosis
randomitis
randomition
randomivity
randomism.

And while we will never topple the institution that is Shangri-La, we shall continue to bump our way to thread immortality.

Pork chops and applesauce.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Moroccan lamb and couscous.


----------



## Deep Blue

Lamb tikka with basmati rice, a vegetable side dish and a salty lassi.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I prefer my lassies sweet.


----------



## The Doug

Vill du lik grön ägg och skinka?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ja!

With a side order of swede, mashed with butter and cinnamon. Mmmmm.


----------



## Ena

Volvo, Saab, IKEA, Ingmar Bergman, Pippi Longstocking...


----------



## Kazak

Borje Salming, meatballs, . . . Chef, Ornskoldsvik, neutrality . . .


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Thanks to the photographer's poor organizational skills, we present the supergroup BAAB.


----------



## MissGulch

Baaba the Hut


----------



## Chris

Hut...two...three...four....


----------



## Dr.G.

"Hut...two...three...four...." Sound off, one ...... two ..........


----------



## The Doug

Two. Two. Two mints in one.


----------



## Chris

Junior Mints! mmmmmm.....


----------



## Kazak

"I'll make mincemeat outta that mouse!"


----------



## The Doug

Take out wrenched ankle. Ha! Ha! Ha!


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> Take out wrenched ankle. Ha! Ha! Ha!


----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC




----------



## Ena

Petticoat Junction


----------



## Kazak

Up the Junction

(Squeeze)


----------



## The Doug

Where's my tuxedo?


----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> Where's my tuxedo?


I want some tacquitos.


----------



## The Doug

Uncommon yet intriguing breakfast choice.


----------



## HowEver

Salsa now outsells ketchup.


----------



## Kazak

What's that saying about 20/20 Heinz-sight?

(tuxedos/taquitos is a Simpsons reference--courtesy of Jasper)


----------



## Trose

Kazak said:


> (tuxedos/taquitos is a Simpsons reference--courtesy of Jasper)


Now you've ruined it.


----------



## HowEver

Trose said:


> Now you've ruined it.


Quick! Fade to black!


----------



## Trose

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer
adipiscing elit. Nunc eleifend, dui sed semper
feugiat, velit lorem convallis magna, ut varius
elit justo eu quam. Vestibulum porttitor
consectetuer mi. In sollicitudin massa nec
felis. Nullam fringilla sollicitudin ipsum. Integer
*nulla. In hac habitasse platea dictumst.*


----------



## Kazak

Paint it Black.


----------



## The Doug

Yup, y'all 'd best git busy with that thar brush, Conrad.


----------



## HowEver

Conrad Soprano.


----------



## Ena

Or another Alessandro Moreschi ?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Highballs


----------



## Chris

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Highballs


Blue b....never mind.


----------



## Kazak

Blue Christmas


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> I had my heart set on #1000, but I got distracted by life in general, then the book-banning thread. Oh well, it's still an impressive total for a thread that should have stopped at one.


Woot! I got #1500 and didn't even realize it until after.


----------



## Trose

Kazak said:


> Woot! I got #1500 and didn't even realize it until after.


You're lying. Why must you turn this thread into a house of lies?!


----------



## The Doug

House of lies, house of cards, house of pancakes. It is what it is, no matter what your definition of is is.


----------



## MissGulch

Our house is a very, very, very fine house.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of a Nash:


----------



## The Doug

This is an entirely different sort of Nash.


----------



## Ena

Knowlton


----------



## The Doug

Gnash.


----------



## Kazak

Wail.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Blubber


----------



## The Doug

I _never_ sunbathe.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

(Not as random as it might seem.)


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Not as random as it might seem.


Tar heel oscar duet!


----------



## SINC

Daily Tar Heel


----------



## Ena

If sauna, vodka and tar won't help, the disease is fatal


----------



## Kazak

Yes, the famous comedy trio, Sauna, Vodka, and Tar, otherwise known as The Three Stages.


----------



## The Doug

Oye como va.


----------



## Ena

Black Magic.......chocolates


----------



## HowEver

..

.
.


----------



## Kazak




----------



## The Doug

Oye como hee haw yee haw!


----------



## SINC

cbs13.com - 'Delta' And 'Dawn' Capturing Local Hearts


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Oye como hee haw yee haw!


Wow, check out that dentition. Here's what happens when the Tucker family comes to town:

Okay, Tanya honey, y'all hop out of the truck and stand by the curb over yonder and smile, so yer Pappy has some place to park.

Anyway, since SINC has taken us full circle (I was tempted to respond with "Blubber"), I offer this instead:

Coriolis.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

And then there's Maude.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> And then there's Maude.


Maude? Who was she? I was busy watching Carol:


----------



## HowEver

Swamp thing... I mean, things.


----------



## Ena

The Blue Lagoon


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

La goon.

View attachment 3379


----------



## The Doug

Species 8472.


----------



## HowEver

Kazak said:


> La goon.
> 
> View attachment 3379





> Invalid Attachment specified. If you followed a valid link, please notify the administrator


Please try again.


----------



## The Doug

That's what they kept saying to him all through high school.


----------



## SINC




----------



## MissGulch

Penn Station.


----------



## HowEver




----------



## The Doug

_...throwing darts in lovers' eyes..._


----------



## SINC




----------



## SINC

Once again I posted and it shows up on the main page, but I cannot view it. This post will hopefully bump it into view. This has become common on ehMac if yours happens to be the last post on a page or the first post on the next page, it seems to get lost "in between".


----------



## Trose

Odd, I have never had that happen.


----------



## Chris

Trose said:


> Odd, I have never had that happen.


His name is Sinc, stop calling him Odd!


----------



## Ena

Harold 'Odd Job' Sakata


----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


>


----------



## Kazak




----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Okay, here's my Dth post:

By assigning a numerical value to each letter (A=1, B=2, etc.) of all three of my full names, the sum is . . .

222.

(TD, I shall sigh again for Karen Valentine.)


----------



## Ena

Cogito ergo sum


----------



## SINC

Cogito - Home


----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> Cogito ergo sum


Cogito _ogre_ sum:


----------



## Ena

Kazak said:


> Cogito _ogre_ sum


 Gargantua and Pantagruel


----------



## Kazak

Tom, Bert, and William


----------



## The Doug

Scott, Joey, and Cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grubb!


----------



## SINC

Julian, Ricky and Bubbles.


----------



## The Doug

Bacon, lettuce, and tomato.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Kazak

They Call Me Trinity.


----------



## Ena

Spaghetti westerns


----------



## Chris

Poutine and beer!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## MissGulch

Chris said:


> Poutine and beer!


...and a mixed green salad, tossed lightly with balsamic vinaigrette.


----------



## Kazak

Chris said:


> Poutine and beer!


Protein _und_ a bee.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## The Doug

*Careful!*

.


----------



## Kazak

Curds you, Red Baron!


----------



## The Doug

Like, no whey!


----------



## Kazak




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The best breakfast of all.


----------



## Beej

The kilt makes it easier to do what comes naturally afterwards.


----------



## Kazak

And if you know who Nibbler is, you know that's no shotput he's holding:

"Each pound of dark matter weighs over 10,000 pounds."


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Deep Blue

I remember when this stupid thread began...and now it has in excess of 28,000 hits. I don't get it! 

It's another Shangrila Clubhouse...but without the drugs.XX)


----------



## Kazak

Deep Blue said:


> I remember when this stupid thread began...and now it has in excess of 28,000 hits. I don't get it!
> 
> It's another Shangrila Clubhouse...but without the drugs.XX)


And yet I count five posts of yours in this thread (approx. 1/3 of 1% of the total).

Anyway, who drugs there's no says here? 28,000 hits is some serious consumption.

Come join our tribe of word-associationists, shameless reminiscers, and inveterate punsters, man.

And drink the Kool-Aid.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Deep Blue said:


> It's another Shangrila Clubhouse...but without the drugs.XX)


Without the drugs!!??

Try chewing the carpet* - it's better than drugs! 

(* Avoid the soggy bits.)


----------



## MissGulch

Drug test.


----------



## Beej

Mmmm, fried eggs.


----------



## Trose

In their natural habitat


----------



## Beej

Perhaps they're canoeing in a giant's frying pan.


----------



## Trose

That giant certainly uses a lot of grease.


----------



## Beej

Don't worry, giant arteries are hard to clog.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Deep Blue

Kazak said:


> And yet I count five posts of yours in this thread (approx. 1/3 of 1% of the total).


No way!

I have to check this...I may need to sue for slander!


----------



## Deep Blue

Lies! Damn Lies!!! 'Tis just one post - in April 2007, calling for the Cone of Silence, a reasonable demand if ever I heard one.

I challenge you to a duel to restore my good name. The first to conduct an Internet search without getting a hit containing gratutious porn shall win!!!!


----------



## Kazak

Deep Blue said:


> Lies! Damn Lies!!! 'Tis just one post - in April 2007, calling for the Cone of Silence, a reasonable demand if ever I heard one.
> 
> I challenge you to a duel to restore my good name. The first to conduct an Internet search without getting a hit containing gratutious porn shall win!!!!


Ahem:









































I believe this should be satisfactory proof.

Of course, now you're up to seven (almost one-half of one percent). Keep this up, and you'll be a regular here.


----------



## Kazak

Beej said:


> giant arteries are hard to clog.


This would be an interesting bumper sticker. Makes sense, too.


----------



## Trose

Kazak said:


> Ahem:
> 
> View attachment 3417
> 
> 
> View attachment 3418
> 
> 
> View attachment 3419
> 
> 
> View attachment 3420
> 
> 
> View attachment 3421
> 
> 
> I believe this should be satisfactory proof.
> 
> Of course, now you're up to seven (almost one-half of one percent). Keep this up, and you'll be a regular here.


Those images look doctored.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Kazak

'Tis a strange day for this country of ours when my authorial integrity is questioned by my neighbours in New West and Vancouver, while my defense comes from the Center of the Universe.

Thanks, HE. I was actually thinking that, if anyone would, you would know if there's a more elegant way of collecting posts than the command-shift-4 method I used.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## MissGulch

The common yolkfish (swimmus overeasyus) evades predators with its unique forum, but often confuses fishermen.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Deep Blue

Holy cow again, Batman. Where did all those freakin' posts come from????

I swear they did not come up when I conducted my own search. There must be a Vector 5 Time Lag force field surrounding my computer that only allows posts of mine which are genuinely interesting or funny to come to the fore.

I must change my underpants and investigate this further...


----------



## Deep Blue

"OK, so I admit taking a dump in the river last night but I'm positive that floater's NOT mine!"


----------



## Deep Blue

Damn it! That's two new posts in this pointless thread...no, THREE!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Deep Blue said:


> Damn it! That's two new posts in this pointless thread...no, THREE!


Deep Blue is slowly becoming Deeper Blue. His spectral lines are shifting. The process is irreversible - resistance is useless.

Such is the power of the Test thread.


----------



## The Doug

Yet, the bills still keep piling up.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Yet, the bills still keep piling up.


Yes, I suppose they do.


----------



## Deep Blue

"Suffering succatash!"

I can't believe I'm doing this...


----------



## MissGulch

"Of course you realize, this means war."


----------



## Chris

"Sshh, be vewwy, vewwy quiet."


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Kazak

No need. He has been absorbed.


----------



## Kazak

"Now cut, I say, cut that out."


----------



## Chris

Heh, heh, heh! Ain't I a stinker? *crunch, crunch*


----------



## Kazak

"Meep meep."


----------



## SINC

"__________________."



That of course was Wile E. Coyote's reply.


----------



## The Doug

*Transylvania 6-5000!*

Now I crush you.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Now I crush you.


 ... said Big Drac, not realising he was addressing a giant clove of garlic that had assumed human form.


----------



## The Doug

_Abracapocus! Pocuscadabra!_


----------



## Chris

_Walla Walla, Washington! Newport News!_


----------



## Deep Blue

HowEver said:


> Kazak, add this to post 1589 !


"Doh!"


----------



## Kazak

"Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!"


----------



## The Doug

*Where's my hassenpfeffer?!*


----------



## Trose

Your search - *hassenpfeffer* - did not match any documents. 

Did you mean:


----------



## Chris

Nice KITTy!


----------



## Kazak

Now taking names for America's Most Hirsute Celebrity. So far, we have

1. David Hasselhoff
2. Robin Williams

Other nominees?


----------



## Chris

King Kong?


----------



## The Doug

Liza Minnelli. Probably about time for a shave, and a fresh coat of lacquer afterwards.


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Liza Minnelli.


Talented wreck. XX)


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Kazak

Rex talent (?):


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACpNVD5GMUw


----------



## Ena

Artist: Jackson 5
Song: Dancing Machine


----------



## gexcko

i hope nobody actually read all these...


----------



## The Doug

Ta...
Ra...
Ra...


----------



## Kazak

gexcko said:


> i hope nobody actually read all these...


Welcome, gexcko. I suppose someone new to the thread faces the daunting task of wading through over sixteen hundred posts that add little, if anything, to the sum of human understanding. Those of us who have been here since the beginning--the pew, the froud, the inane--have no difficulty keeping on top of things here.

Read through any twenty or thirty posts here, and you'll have a good sense of what we're about. Also, it is the nature of this thread that you could easily make us be about something entirely different.

Enjoy.


----------



## Kazak

TD,

Thanks for bringing back childhood memories of alternate lyrics to this song. I confess I don't even know what the original words are, if any.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## SINC

Dr. G. knows it well. Ask him.


----------



## HowEver

.


----------



## SINC

Club Penguin - Waddle around and meet new friends!


----------



## Kazak

Apologies, HE. I have asked my doctor for a tutorial retraction, but, because it's voluntary surgery, he tells me I may have to wait up to two years.


----------



## MissGulch

Kazak said:


> Welcome, gexcko.


What method of communication does your species use?


----------



## HowEver

Kazak said:


> Apologies, HE. I have asked my doctor for a tutorial retraction, but, because it's voluntary surgery, he tells me I may have to wait up to two years.


----------



## SINC

Oregon Country: Sicko sucks


----------



## Ena

Thumb suckers


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

YouTube - Barney Miller


----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC

Weebls Stuff - Magical Trevor


----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Mustad, Gamakatsu, Owner, Eagle Claw, VMC Fish Hooks


----------



## Chris

Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads.....


----------



## Trose

...Fish heads, Fish heads, Eat them up, Yum...


----------



## SINC

Yum with Live Prey Technology (LPT)


----------



## HowEver

Pray, live.


----------



## SINC

http://www.boltcity.com/copper/


----------



## The Doug




----------



## gastonbuffet

i'm a busy guy, so i don't wipe anymore. I 'm saving like 3 minutes a day!
in the summer itches a lot, butt you get used to it.


----------



## The Doug

Ah. You have answered a question that no one dared to ass.


----------



## Chris

Skidding around the corners?


----------



## The Doug

Boy, I hope the makers of *Head On* don't come out with an hemorrhoid creme.


----------



## Kazak

This young man was almost killed by a hemorrhoid:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bummer.


----------



## The Doug

What a cheeky thing to say. Some people will think you're cracked.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> What a cheeky thing to say. Some people will think you're cracked.












Who? Me?


----------



## Kazak

Ars poetica


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bananas!

What do you do if someone steals and eats a banana, eh? What then?


----------



## The Doug

...what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks what do you do when someone sneaks up behind you, taps you on the shoulder, and asks...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My point exactly!


----------



## Ena

Point? My Mum always told me it wasn't nice to do that.


----------



## Kazak

Point?


----------



## SINC

http://www.bbhc.org/pointswest/index.cfm


----------



## Trose

http://www.chbb.org/


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

"There's a girl here and she's almost you . . ."


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak




----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwMjpt62Ja4


----------



## Ena

Hung out lately? Your laundry!


----------



## SINC

http://movies.zap2it.com/movies/details/1,1295,60979,00.html


----------



## Kazak

(the lipless wonder)


----------



## genuineadvantage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyUjQdMLWLk

:lmao: :clap: What a moron!


----------



## HowEver

*What a maroon, as Bugs said.*



SINC said:


> Dirty Laundry - Zap2it.com - Movie Reviews, Theaters, Trailers, Times and More


More "dirty laundry":



> Topic: FANTASTIC MALE
> Posted by: ____ K___ at Tuesday March 2004
> Message:
> ORIENTAL WHITE MALE TURKISH AND GREEK MIXED MUSCULAR SHOULDERS BROAD AND HANDSOME *I,M* LOOKING SOME S____L AFTERNOON DELIGHTS IF YOU LIKE PROFESSIONAL S__ AND GAME IN YOUR ___ *I,M* HERE FOR YOU DONT SHY JUST CALL ME NOW


----------



## SINC

Stop steaming up my tail! Whatta ya trying to do, wrinkle it?
Of course you realize, this means war
Whatta a gull-a-bull, whatta nin-cow-poop
What an imbesile, what an ultra maroon
Me genie, the light brown hare!


----------



## HowEver

Foghorn Leghorn says...



> The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.


----------



## SINC

http://sean.chittenden.org/mirrors/www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/foghorn/fogleg17.wav


----------



## MissGulch

Kazak said:


> View attachment 3540
> 
> 
> (the lipless wonder)


Amazing home liposuction kit, just $9.95. Order yours now!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## HowEver

This is only a test.

Do not adjust your monitors.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

"On Remembrance Day, the bands all played, 
the bells pealed through the park,
And you lay there by the "Do Not" signs
and shamed them with your spark."


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

If that's "kinda busy," I don't want to see (or hear) real busy.

Anyway, back to the thread:


----------



## SINC

http://voodoodoughnut.com/


----------



## The Doug

Faversham.


----------



## SINC

Season seven of The Beverly Hillbillies began on September 25, 1968, with an echo of the series' sixth-season opener. In "A Bundle for Britain," the Clampetts return to England, where Jed owns a rather sizeable castle. This time, they're on an errand of mercy: Mistakenly believing that the British Commonwealth has gone broke, the hillbillies are prepared to give their entire fortune -- $80 million -- to Queen Elizabeth. Alan Mowbray guest stars as Montrose, while Richard Caldicot reprises his role as *Faversham*. "A Bundle for Britain" was the first episode in a five-part story arc. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide


----------



## Kazak




----------



## HowEver

Great Expectorations.


----------



## SINC

MOBA : The Portraiture Collection : 1


----------



## HowEver

I may not know what I like, but I know Art:


----------



## Kazak

"If I had $1,000,000 (If I had $1,000,000),
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

http://www.mistersparky.com/world/cms/ViewPage.do?pageCode=home


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Check


----------



## SINC

Sinks Gallery | Bathroom Sinks | Kitchen Sinks | Bar Sinks | Bath Furniture


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

I didn't cry. I thought DiCaprio looked good in blue.


----------



## The Doug

Hmm. No... no - I think it was this.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The guy's got some range!


----------



## Kazak




----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC




----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Check


and


----------



## SINC

http://mathworld.wolfram.com/SincFunction.html


----------



## HowEver




----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Going off on a tangent, HE?


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Going off on a tangent, HE?


No, I'm pretty sure that was a certain member of this board who lives in the woods.


----------



## SINC

If you go down to the woods today, You're sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today, You'd better go in disguise.


----------



## gastonbuffet

so i was in the streetcar the other day, and i heard a woman outside yelling " i hate you a..hole!!"

i didn't see her nor recognize her voice, and i'm trying to find her so she can tell me what i did.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ummm ...

Didn't you say you don't wipe anymore?

Maybe it was "I hate _your_ a**hole."


----------



## HowEver

As Jack Nicholson said in the Batman movie, "this thread needs an enema."

YTMND - This Town Needs an Enema!


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Does anybody really know what time it is?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

12.34 pm


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Does anybody really know what time it is?


----------



## The Doug

Chicago weeps, apparently forgotten.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Chris

Kazabazua!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ecclefechan!!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Trose




----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Chicago weeps, apparently forgotten.


25 or 6 to 4

"and my heart is black and heavy
it is slags of Merthyr Tydfil"

"and it's Beddgelert and frozen dirt"

- Jane Siberry


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

*Speaking of Leaks:*


----------



## The Doug

I am sure it can be argued that this is a leak of some kind.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> of some kind.


----------



## MissGulch

Cool Ray Charles shades.


----------



## SINC

~ Silhouettes on the Shade ~


----------



## Trose

You think you're special with your fancy _tildes_. Two can play at that game.

I choose you, Ampersand!

*&*


----------



## The Doug

*Where It's At*

*@*


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Where it's at*


----------



## HowEver

Where it's at.










_(Two turntables and a microphone.)_


----------



## Trose

Where it sat


----------



## SINC

The Ass-Chair Sensor

This device never fails. I can sit on my butt for hours on end, and my phone will not ring once. As soon as I get up out of my chair, whether to get some coffee, pee, or get something off of the printer, there it is. The phone starts ringing. I used to try to answer it, but determined that this was futile. Apparently the ass-chair sensor has a proximity device that makes the phone stop ringing if I get too close.

I'm pretty sure someone installed this thing in my chair to harrass me. If I can reverse the polarity of the sensor (something easily done in many Star Trek episodes), maybe I can make it work in my favor. For instance, whenever I get out of the chair, the sensor could change my voice mail message to say "Hi! Sinc's ass isn't in his chair right now, but please leave a message, and as soon as they are back in the chair, Sinc and his ass will return your call."

Anyway, if you call me and get my voice mail, rest assured that I'm not screening my calls. My ass is actually someplace else.


----------



## The Doug

Someone, somewhere, is whistling dixie.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

OMG, it's true - the moon landings were *faked*!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Moon landings were f**ked?!!??

Holy Frijoles!


----------



## SINC

http://www.moonamtrak.org/


----------



## The Doug

David Lee Roth reminds me of Carol Channing.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> David Lee Roth reminds me of Carol Channing.


In photos, or when he "sings"?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This'll make all the dogs in the neighbourhood bark and barf.


----------



## HowEver

Snapple Quaffer said:


> This'll make all the dogs in the neighbourhood bark and barf.


"Dogs begin to bark, all over my neighbourhood..."


----------



## Chris

Arf, arf! Grrrr! Woof, woof!

*lick*

Whine?


----------



## Kazak

Iocane powder.


----------



## SINC

POWDER PAGE


----------



## HowEver

Powdered donut? No need.

Krispy Kreme develops the 'drinkable donut,' heralding the end of civilization.


















Krispy Kreme introduces glazed doughnut frozen beverage - Jul. 21, 2004


----------



## MissGulch

HowEver said:


> Powdered donut? No need.
> 
> Krispy Kreme develops the 'drinkable donut,' heralding the end of civilization.


The Blubbery Butts Prevail


----------



## The Doug

Fate, or free will?


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Fate, or free will?


Fat.


----------



## The Doug

Free whale.


----------



## HowEver

Test.


----------



## The Doug

On the train. Asleep. Drooling.


----------



## SINC

YouTube - Asleep and Drooling on European Train


----------



## HowEver




----------



## SINC

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2003310256,00.html


----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


> The Sun Online - News: Hulk doll's monster willy


Hulk Doll's Monster Willy


----------



## MissGulch

Jolly Green Giant.


----------



## The Doug

Ho ho ho. Oh oh oh.


----------



## Kazak

Green Giant jollies.

Austin Powers in Greenmember.

Popeye knows what the spinach was really for.


----------



## HowEver

Kazak said:


> Green Giant jollies.
> 
> Austin Powers in Greenmember.
> 
> Popeye knows what the spinach was really for.


He captioned that.


----------



## The Doug

Today be a very special day, yet I'm haaarrrrrrrrrrrrrdly surprised that there aaaaarrrrrren't any celebrations occurin' here on ehMac, ye bunch o' clumsy landlubbers.


----------



## Kazak

I understand that the day is more popular on Omicron Persei 8 than it is here on Earth, thanks to their leader Lrr.

"Increase speed, drop down, reverse direction!"


----------



## SINC

persei.net


----------



## Kazak

Hmm. You'd think for a race of intelligent (if vowel-challenged) beings from another planet, they could put up a better website. Must be a Vista planet.


----------



## Chris

Hello, hello...is anybody in here?


----------



## The Doug

I have been sitting here very quietly - because yes, in fact, I *am* expecting the Spanish Inquisition.


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZQI0Xm29To


----------



## MissGulch

Montezuma's revenge.


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7SzOzj4s74


----------



## The Doug

History lesson?


----------



## Gilles

Sinc, your ant jumped into my post...


----------



## SINC

Gilles said:


> Sinc, your ant jumped into my post...


The little bugger!


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> History lesson?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTvjRyv0c5M


----------



## Kazak

Gilles said:


> Sinc, your ant jumped into my post...


Call me ageist if you like, but I think this is preferable to having his aunt jump onto your post.


----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Den er incumbent på mig själv till försöka till återuppliva den här firande av nonsens.


----------



## The Doug

Min hund har nej näsa!


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Min hund har nej näsa!


Boy oh boy, if I only knew what language that was I could translate it and post something in return.

Ah to hell with it. I'll post it anyways:

"Something in return."


----------



## Sonal

The Doug said:


> Min hund har nej näsa!


Whatever it is, it's a germanic language and it starts with "my dog."

Swedish?


----------



## SINC

Sonal said:


> Whatever it is, it's a germanic language and it starts with "my dog."
> 
> Swedish?


Right you are Sonal.

Swedish = My dog has no nose!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

OK, I'll do it ... 

"How does he smell?"


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> OK, I'll do it ...
> 
> "How does he smell?"


Terrible, especially when he's wet! :lmao:


----------



## Kazak

Darling it's better, down where it's wetter








Everything's better when wet








C'mon, baby, get wet with me


----------



## The Doug




----------



## MissGulch

Much imitated, never equaled "Test" thread.


----------



## The Doug

About that Writer's Guild strike - shouldn't their picket signs be _blank?_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I know the shop steward ... I'll ask His Nibs.


----------



## SINC

The His Nibs Channel - Brightcove


----------



## Trose

Dibs


----------



## Chris

Nibs

Yum!


----------



## The Doug

Var er envar? Var er nöje? Jag har på mig min favorite sockan idag - de er behaglig och bekväm. Rättvis så du veta. Jag vilja en annan kopp av kaffe.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sentiments oft thought, though ne'er so well expressed, Doug. Much the same here.
Having polished off a pot of coffee a while ago, I am now responding to diuresis with much micturition. I think I'll have to rehydrate with a couple of Stellas.


----------



## Ena

Stellas? A Street Car Named Desire.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Jag har på mig min favorite sockan idag - de er behaglig och bekväm.


This reminds me of an embarrassing moment when I was 18 or 19, and one of my more erudite friends basically said what Inigo said: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

He was objecting to my description of boots as being "obsequious." 

Years of subsequent therapy have been of little help.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> This reminds me of an embarrassing moment...


Varje embarassing stund behöver _mer ko ringklocka!_


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Varje embarassing stund behöver _mer ko ringklocka!_


YouTube - Ringklocka


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ringklocka? Is that sort of thing legal? I mean, I'm as broadminded as the next bigot, but _that's_ bound to scare the servants and the horses.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ringklocka? Is that sort of thing legal? I mean, I'm as broadminded as the next bigot, but _that's_ bound to scare the servants and the horses.


. . . which could spell disaster if they're shoeing the horse at the time.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Speaking of which, nasty accident at Dundee airport yesterday. One of the air stewardesses backed into the running propellor of the Lysander Moth that does the Ecclefechan run. Disaster.


----------



## The Doug

Samosas. I want samosas.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Samosas. I want samosas.


----------



## Trose




----------



## Kazak

Oliver Twist:

_Please, sir, can I have samosas?_


----------



## Kazak

Elton John:

_Sad songs say samosa._


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes.

But where are my satsumas?


----------



## Kazak

Joe Dolce:

_What samosa you, hey?_


----------



## The Doug

Talking Heads: Samosa it ever was.



And now, onion bhaji. :love2:


----------



## Kazak

Ladies and gentlemen, possibly the worst (and furthest reaching) pun of the year:









The Onion Bhaji Mahesh Yogi


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Just in time for Christmas, the Yoga Bear.


----------



## Chris

bare yogurt?


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

So I'm going to ignore the somewhat disturbing image of a T-shirted supposedly cute bear pushing lava-like super-sweet beverages on unsuspecting children, and wish everyone a 

Merry Solstice

instead. Bring on those longer days.


----------



## Chris

Happy Festivus!


----------



## The Doug

Now I'll tell you all the ways you have disappointed me over the past year.


----------



## Kazak

Merry Testmas and a Testy New Year to all the contributors to and readers of this thread. You people are a testament to bad puns, you attest to non-linear thinking, and you testify to the importance of keeping others smiling.

I have notest and enjoyed your humour this past year. 

Remember, we're #3 (-ish), but we're funnier.


----------



## The Doug

Remember everybody, I did not pay him to make that post.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Remember, we're #3 (-ish), but we're funnier.


Today we're just no. 3, but tomorrow we take over ehMac ... and then the World!

Oh yes.

Much felicitations _and_ (most importantly) gravy.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> gravy



Your cheque is in the mail.


----------



## SINC




----------



## MissGulch

Your cheque in the mail has crossed the border and is now a check.


----------



## SINC

Check!


----------



## HowEver

*Where am I when I say this?*

Garçon, may I have the bill please?


----------



## The Doug

My high school.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Your house cool?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Much felicitations _and_ (most importantly) gravy.


Mmmm. Gravy.


----------



## Chris

Kazak said:


> Mmmm. Gravy.


On fries, with cheese curds, [drool]

Yum!


----------



## MissGulch

Team Poutine.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chris said:


> On fries, with cheese curds, [drool]


Whey to go.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Perhaps Steve would like one.​


----------



## SINC

Ahem:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

Sacré bleu! Mais oui._ Mais oui!_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

La Chine est un grand pays, habitée par de nombreux Chinois.


----------



## MissGulch

Les Français implorent le bas mein crepes!


----------



## The Doug

Et ils mangent trop de fromage.


----------



## Kazak

Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France!


----------



## Chris

Oooh, sorry, the cat's eaten it!


----------



## Kazak

200 channels, nothing but cats.


----------



## SINC

CHANNEL CATS HOME PAGE


----------



## The Doug

Now, it is time for excellent squirrels.


----------



## gastonbuffet

if you serve squirrel soup, but the beast is still alive or not dead yet; is it a soup?


----------



## Kazak

Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## The Doug

Ah, you have been watching the detectives.


----------



## SINC

Certainly:

YouTube - Elvis Costello - Watching The Detectives


----------



## Kazak

But have you been watching the wheels?





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

There really IS something in the air, you know!


----------



## The Doug

I don't care what's in the air. All I want is a cheeseburger in paradise.


----------



## SINC

Yum!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> I don't care what's in the air. All I want is a cheeseburger in paradise.












*Here are your ingredients. Free-range DIY. Nothing like it ... mmmmm.*


----------



## MissGulch

thewitt said:


> 1


1874


----------



## Ena

MissGulch said:


> 1874


RIP Chang and Eng Bunker, siamese twins and sideshow performers (1811-1874)


----------



## SINC

boxer Rip Bunker


----------



## The Doug

01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111000 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100111 01110011 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01110100 01110101 01101110 01100001 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101101 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110111 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100001 01100010 01110010 01100001 01100100 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110101 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111000 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110010 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100111 01110011 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100010 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01110100 01110101 01101110 01100001 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101101 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110111 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01100001 01100010 01110010 01100001 01100100 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110101 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101


"my friends have a couple of boxers and i think they are terrific dogs if a little headstrong but fortunately they do not smell anywhere near as bad as the labrador retriever my sister used to have"


----------



## Kazak

Songs about dogs:

Martha My Dear (Beatles)
Lester (Crowded House)
Everything Reminds Me of My Dog (Jane Siberry)

Others? (songs about specific dogs, not just songs with dogs in them)


----------



## The Doug

Mandy (Manilow)


----------



## MissGulch

Feeling testy?


----------



## The Doug

No, just *Scientastic**!*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Tom Thumb


----------



## The Doug

Cruise control.


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Cruise control.


Katie Holmes?


----------



## The Doug

Captive.


----------



## MissGulch

Gilded cage.


----------



## gastonbuffet

artchante!


----------



## Chris

Gregorian Chant!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

30 days hath September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have thirty-one,
Save for February alone.

( ... to be continued ... )


----------



## SINC

30 days hath September
April, May and no wonder
All the rest eat peanut butter
Except Grandmother of course
And she drives a Buick.

Want more?


----------



## Kazak

No thanks. I don't like peanut butter.


----------



## The Doug

The other day I had a cool water sandwich and a Sunday go to meeting bun.


----------



## SINC

That's only one way to deal with the Blues.


----------



## Kazak

I clean my room and my shoes,
But my mother found a box of blues,
And there doesn't seem much hope they'll let me stay.


----------



## The Doug

Trailer for the new Star Trek film. Looks cheesy.


----------



## Ena

Lactose intolerant people can't eat it.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Trailer for the new Star Trek film. Looks cheesy.


Riker chewing up the scenery as usual.

I can think of other reasons for not eating trailers than lactose intolerance. And, while I'm at it, if someone can only tolerate 2% or less milk fat, is he/she homophobic?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I can think of other reasons for not eating trailers than lactose intolerance.


Lactose intolerance ... I'm sure I've herd of that before somewhere.


----------



## The Doug

It behooves me to horn in on this mooving exchange to demonstrate what happens when you use the shifT KEy at RanDOm intErvals wHILe typiNG. FASCINAting aND WORThwhilE, nO?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I say milk it for all it's worth. You've clearly pasture Modern English Literature exam.


----------



## Kazak

Tricia Heifer has a nice dairyere. Is she from Jersey?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Jersey? Which whey's that?


----------



## The Doug

You mean you don't know? What an udder shame. Like a steak through the ribs.


----------



## Chris

Oh, such tripe!


----------



## The Doug

We all have tails to tell.


----------



## Kazak

And cows for alarm.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> We all have tails to tell.


I would if I cud.


----------



## MissGulch

My two tails are asymmetrical.


----------



## SINC

I don't know if I have the four stomaches for any more of this mooving testimony.


----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


> I don't know if I have the four stomaches[?] for any more of this mooving testimony.


Soma this, soma that.


----------



## The Doug

Time to ruminate on all this I suppose.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Interlopers will be quite cowed by our punning prowess. It behooves us to set an example, after all.


----------



## The Doug

I just hoofed it home from the train and my calves hurt. They feel offal.


----------



## SINC

Udderly shameful, that extra "e".


----------



## The Doug

Hay, I don't see an extra "e" anywhere. But this can happen when it's pasture bedtime.


----------



## SINC

Boy, we're milking this one for all we can get, aren't we?


----------



## The Doug

I'm in clover!


----------



## Kazak

I heard through the bovine that it's time to take the bull by the horns.


----------



## The Doug

This thread needs more cowbell. More!


----------



## MissGulch

More cowbell reVEALed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I guess I'll have to byre cowbell then ...


----------



## The Doug

Cowabunga, I have a cowlick this morning, the best one since 2008 began.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Giving this thread a steer towards hairstyles, eh?


----------



## MissGulch

All such udder nonsense.


----------



## cap10subtext

I've herd of pointless threads but this one is over the moon.


----------



## SINC

Not surprisingly, the little dog is laughing at this thread.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I expect the cattle run away with the spoon!


----------



## Kazak

After skimming over these posts, I think we've pretty much churned out all the cow-based puns. Can anyone be prodded into a few more?


----------



## MissGulch

I'm sure we can. We all have a steak in it.


----------



## The Doug

Heavens to Bessie. I think we can too, but I can't promise it'll all turn out like buttah.


----------



## Chris

As long as you moove out of the way, you won't get t-boned.


----------



## Ena

We'd hate to see a cow without legs; ground beef.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Read through this collection of bovine-inspired fol-de-rol and be amazed as it reels pasturize.


----------



## Chris

Now we know what it's like to be in clover. Let's hoof it!


----------



## The Doug

*Copa, Copacowbana...*

_Her name was Lola, she was a show cow
With yellow ribbons everywhere, and an udder down to there..._


----------



## MissGulch

I would like to steer this thread in a different direction.


----------



## Chris

Well, then, let's moove it on up! These are our salad days, after all!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> I would like to steer this thread in a different direction.


Good for you lass, oo what a great idea.


----------



## The Doug

Almost makes me believe in cod.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are the scales about to fall from your eyes?


----------



## The Doug

Only when there's too much bass.


----------



## SINC

But one tail leads to another and is usually found just north of the pies. Cow pies that is.


----------



## The Doug

I cannot tell if that is on-topic, or off-topic.


----------



## SINC

Actually, it is sub-topic. Ground beef leftovers to be sure.


----------



## Kazak

We forgot Clarus.

One "moof" for old-times' sake.



The Doug said:


> Only when there's too much bass.


Never feel gill-ty about too much bass.

Who were your favourite characters in Lord of the Flies?

Salmon Eric.

(Not to be confused with Salmon Ella.)


----------



## MissGulch

I'll have a moofburger, hold the fries and a micro softdrink.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

I take it that's a moo-moo she's wearing.

Looks as if the fish puns have dried on the rack.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I think we netted four. The plaice needs livening up.


----------



## MissGulch

Kazak said:


> Looks as if the fish puns have dried on the rack.


I agree. Thank Cod for that.


----------



## SINC

I'm a Sucker for fish puns.


----------



## bryanc

Holy Mackerel! This thread has gotten long since I last looked at it.

There are clearly a grouper of posters here who need to get out more.

Cheers


----------



## Chris

Are you calling us a bunch of bottom-feeders? Stop carping!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are you saying we're plumbing the depths? Whale oil be blowed!


----------



## The Doug

Daniel Craig is way good, but my favourite Bond will always be Prawn Connery.


----------



## Kazak

And my favourite Bond villain is Ernst Blowfish.


----------



## Kazak

Favourite Bond girl--could there be any doubt?

Octopussy.


----------



## SINC

But who could forget Pussy Galore?


----------



## HowEver

SINC said:


> But who could forget Pussy Galore?


I see Cat People.


----------



## Chris

Do you see cat fish?


----------



## The Doug

No, but I heard Lawrence Whelk. An' a one, an' a tuna.


----------



## HowEver

You can tune a piano...


----------



## Kazak

​
(Not an album I own, but I remember it from my retail days.)


----------



## SINC

I've always been fond of dill pickerals.


----------



## The Doug

I've been herring people say that you like them.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I've been herring people say that you like them.


"People have liked SINC since he was just a little squid, at least I ink so," he said somewhat tentaclively.


----------



## The Doug

Like, this thread is not floundering eh?


----------



## SINC

No, but it could be called flip flopping.


----------



## MissGulch

Somebody feels crabby tonight.


----------



## The Doug

Even if I was, I wouldn't carp.


----------



## HowEver

HowEver said:


> You can tune a piano...


but you can't tuna fish.


----------



## SINC

But you can float a plan to get a nibble on the bait.


----------



## Kazak

Let's see you worm your way out of that one.


----------



## The Doug

Not gonna get me on the hook that easily.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

So what's the porpoise of all this?


----------



## The Doug

Dunno, probably just our own special way of dealing with something that smelt bad.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Fish and houseguests stink after three days." - Ben Franklin


----------



## The Doug

Did you know that Ben Franklin's great grandson was a sturgeon? It's true.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Who'll swallow that one- hook, line and stinker!?


----------



## Ena

Maybe if you cast a wide net?


----------



## SINC

All this has me reeling.


----------



## MissGulch

I almost posted something, but won't swallow the bait.


----------



## Kazak

Philip J. Fry

(and George Orwell--not a pun)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nice one.


----------



## Chris

That last posting was out of plaice.


----------



## SINC

I'll bet a fin this tail continues.


----------



## The Doug

Careful with your bets when a card shark is at the table.


----------



## Chris

If it doesn't, that's a fluke!


----------



## Ena

Oh sole mio!


----------



## Kazak

I say we keep going just for the halibut.


----------



## The Doug

Yep. Keep going even if everyone else has haddock up to _here_.


----------



## Kazak

Trinculo:

What have we here? a man or a fish? dead or alive? A fish: he smells like a fish; a very ancient and fishlike smell; a kind of not of the newest poor-John. A strange fish! Were I in England now, as once I was, and had but this fish painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece of silver. 

Jane Siberry:

One time I asked him if he liked grouper fish, and he didn't know if I wanted to hear that he ate them, or just admired them.

Head Knight:

Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## cap10subtext

Ah pollock, my old chum. Smelt like a beach at low tide, but had a whale of a talent.


----------



## The Doug

His work can be stunning - I frequently clam up when I see it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Warms the cockles of my heart, it does.


----------



## The Doug

And don't forget, the heart is the most important mussel in your body.


----------



## MissGulch

The Pollock fish goes drip-drip-drip.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> And don't forget, the heart is the most important mussel in your body.


Breaks into song:
_"When Oirish oyster singin' ..."_

Scusse pliss, Irish accent not good.

Edit: 2000! The Millennium Post has just arrived.


----------



## cap10subtext

2001: A Space Octopus.


----------



## The Doug

_...My god, it's full of starfish..._


----------



## Kazak

Of course, HAL could not let anything jeopardize the fishin'.


----------



## Kazak

Screenplay by Stanley Krakenbrick and Arthur Sea Clarke.


----------



## Kazak

Don't forget the sequel starring Roy Chowder.


----------



## Kazak

Wait for it . . .


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Damn.
> 
> I had my heart set on #1000, but I got distracted by life in general, then the book-banning thread. Oh well, it's still an impressive total for a thread that should have stopped at one.
> 
> Dibs on #2007.


Woot!


----------



## The Doug

Q: What Frenchman wrote thought-provoking essays, novels, and critiques at the bottom of the ocean?

A: Jacques Prousteau.


----------



## Kazak

Q: Who was the world's best known tiny mime?

A: Marcel Minneau.


----------



## cap10subtext

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

A: Dam!


----------



## The Doug

There's a Britney Spearfish joke in here but I couldn't be bothered.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's for another section.




(V bad taste.)


----------



## Kazak

Is it still trendy to save the Wales?


----------



## cap10subtext

No, now the buzz is for shaving the snails.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Is it still trendy to save the Wales?


----------



## Kazak

Ah yes, the man who will never be King.

Right, need a fish pun. William will be the next King of Anglerland.

Some other countries that used to have kings:

Spawn
Sardine-ia
Pole-land


----------



## cap10subtext

The United Skates of America fought for their independence from Anglerland after the Boston Clam Chowder party of 1773. No Kingfish for them...


----------



## MissGulch

Will it be John McClam or Gillary Clinton?


----------



## Kazak

Haddock O'clama (a good Irish boy)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> Will it be John McClam or Gillary Clinton?


Either will go nicely with Pasta Huckabee.


----------



## MissGulch

Who will be happy as a clam with Stephen Carper?


----------



## The Doug

Oh you're all so scampi.


----------



## SINC

My fish vocabulary is lacking and I feel like quite a shrimp.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> My fish vocabulary is lacking and I feel like quite a shrimp.


Enough to make one flounder, eh?


----------



## cap10subtext

Sink or swim. Krill or be krilled.


----------



## MissGulch

Why aren't you watching the Grouper Bowl?


----------



## Chris

Q-What was the octopus's favourite Beatles song?

A-I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm a sucker for those old Beatles songs too.


----------



## cap10subtext

I always liked the beach boys....

I wish they all could be Calamari Girls.

Never liked the Grouper Bowl, except for the funny commershells and the half tide shows.


----------



## Squall

cap10subtext said:


> I always liked the beach boys....
> 
> I wish they all could be Calamari Girls.
> 
> Never liked the Grouper Bowl, except for the funny commershells and the half tide shows.


Beach Boys rules!!!!


----------



## Ena

Reminds me of another great singing group... Abbalone.


----------



## Kazak

Blub Marley and the Whalers
Country Joe and the Fish (didn't have to touch that one)
Roger Lamprey (of the Who)
Rod Stewart
Eltuna Prawn and Bernie Dolphin
Tim and Neil Finn (remember "Shark Attack"?)


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Eltuna Prawn and Bernie Dolphin


Holy mackerel - I can't be koi... I still love their Blenny and the Jets after all these years. That's a moray.


----------



## cap10subtext

Dean Marlin. What a star.................. fish.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Deano! I remember the time he went to a seafood disco.

He pulled a mussel.


----------



## SINC

He should have ordered the small fry.


----------



## Kazak

"Throw back the little ones
And pan-fry the big ones
Use tact, poise, and reason
And gently squeeze them."


----------



## SINC

Fly fishermen are born honest, but they get over it.


----------



## cap10subtext

Dishonesty bugs me. People shouldn't bee telling lies.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

cap10subtext said:


> Dishonesty bugs me. People shouldn't bee telling lies.


But some folk get a buzz out of it.


----------



## SINC

Fry me a river.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Salmon chanted evening ...


----------



## SINC

Conger in the rye . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

Shark spreading the news.... I'm leavin' today.


----------



## The Doug

Boy, this one's hitting the squids.

Limburger up y'all, I think it's time for cheese.


----------



## MissGulch

"The Scrodfather" should have this thread swimming withe fishes.


----------



## The Doug

That's a non-parmesan post if there ever was one.


----------



## SINC

Leeching the last bit out of that post are you?


----------



## Chris

Let's face it; we're all hooked!


----------



## Ena

Is Russ Limburger still doing his smelly radio show?


----------



## cap10subtext

It'd probably brie a gouda idea to decide which whey to go... Lox or cream cheese? Fish or fromage?


----------



## The Doug

I am glad that Paris Stilton has all but ignored so far in the Test thread. Mozzarella Fitzgerald she ain't.


----------



## SINC

This thread feels like an iChat room with all this chedder about cheese.


----------



## The Doug

But isn't that a gouda thing?


----------



## Ena

As along as you don't get creamed in Philadelphia.


----------



## SINC

Or blue in the processed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I think _some_ of you are crackers.


----------



## cap10subtext

I think you are being lactose intolerant.


----------



## The Doug

_Gypsies, tramps, and cheese
We'd hear it from the people of the town
They'd call us gypsies, tramps, and cheese..._


----------



## SINC

It's a "cat"chy little tune.

YouTube - Ode To Cheese


----------



## Chris

That's as gouda as it gets! I don't want this conversation to get too stilton.


----------



## cap10subtext

I just camembert the thought of it... After all how often do cheese and song pair so well?

_When you swiss upon a star, makes no difference who you are..._


----------



## Kazak

All this mindless cheddar. I'm going to put on my derby and head off to the cottage.


----------



## Ena

Drive caerphilly!


----------



## SINC

Ahem . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

I think someone's trying to drive a wedge into this conversation. I'd retaliate with a dairy pun but I'm not exactly a cheese whiz.


----------



## Chris

Well, to milk this a bit more, I feel this thread is the cream of the crop!


----------



## cap10subtext

This thread just keeps getting butter and butter.


----------



## Kazak

Seems we've got it down ___






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Every post a well Krafted rarebit of humour.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*They came from planet cliché ...*

UFOs ... the Elephant in the room ...


----------



## The Doug

UFO? Elephant? Your honourary title of Cheese Whiz is hereby revoked!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Truncated?


----------



## cap10subtext

Right, and never forget it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ivory much hope I don't. A simple enough tusk.


----------



## SINC

Aren't these puns getting a little long in the tooth?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Some of them could do with brushing up a bit.


----------



## SINC

That might indeed help. They are kind of pasty looking.


----------



## Kazak

I had a response in mind, but this is a family board, so you get this instead:






​


----------



## cap10subtext

Nice to meat you. What do pasties and pachyderms have in common?


----------



## The Doug

A disdain for cheese in all its wondrous forms.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And an unbridled contempt for any sort of quiche.


----------



## Kazak

Lorraine - song by Toto
Darling Lorraine - song by Paul Simon


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Alsace-Lorraine, by Germany.


----------



## Chris

Is that a quickie or a quiche?

Either way, flantastic!


----------



## cap10subtext

Pie don't know any good pastry jokes, only lousy hot-crossed puns.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Pi just don't know when to stop.


----------



## SINC

I much prefer cinnamon puns as long as they're not half baked.


----------



## Kazak

There I was, stranded on a dessert island, going cookie with muffin to eat. My normally pastry complexion was browning nicely when I saw a sail rising in the yeast.


----------



## The Doug

Wow, what a thrilling routine, Kazak - a perfect Biellmann followed by a thrilling Triple Lutz, two flawless triple Axels, a Double Salchow followed by another Biellmann, then a Flip Jump all while drinking Free Trade coffee from a recycled cup, and finishing the latest New York Times crossword blindfolded! And the judges' have their say:

Poland: 4.9
U.S.: 4.9
Canada: 4.9
France: 1.8
Japan: 4.9
Russia: 3.2
England: 5.0

:clap:


----------



## Chris

I don't think that this was a poutine event. I'm sure he felt like curd afterwards, but he didn't fries off the handle, and was there when the chips were down. The high marks were pure gravy!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Wow, what a thrilling routine, Kazak - a perfect Biellmann followed by a thrilling Triple Lutz, two flawless triple Axels, a Double Salchow followed by another Biellmann, then a Flip Jump all while drinking Free Trade coffee from a recycled cup, and finishing the latest New York Times crossword blindfolded! And the judges' have their say:
> 
> Poland: 4.9
> U.S.: 4.9
> Canada: 4.9
> France: 1.8
> Japan: 4.9
> Russia: 3.2
> England: 5.0
> 
> :clap:


I'm always impressed by people who can spell "Salchow." The French judge was jealous because I smiled at his boyfriend.

Chris, the first time we see Friar Lawrence in Romeo and Juliet, he is gathering herbs and waxing philosophical about the similarities between certain plants and people, both of which contain the potential for healing and harm. The joke I have used forever in my classes is that these musings make him a . . . 

deep friar.


----------



## cap10subtext

A cruller man I've never met...


----------



## Kazak

It's not his fault--he's a torus.


----------



## MissGulch

Gem and I agree.


----------



## Kazak

Your logic sure_ly brou_ght me to agree, too.


----------



## Chris

*sigh* Here virgo again....


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Chris

_"I want to be an astronaut, on Fireball XL-5"_

Steve Zodiac was so _dreamy_!

:lmao:


----------



## Kazak

I guess the aries kind of thin up there in Napanee.


----------



## Ena

Is it so cold that that women pad the cups of Libra for added warmth?


----------



## Kazak

Let me make _a query as_ to the temperature there, then I might have the cancer to your question.


----------



## The Doug

What was the name of that early Jack Nicholson movie again - Five Easy Pisces or something?


----------



## cap10subtext

You must be thinking of one be thinking of One flew over the Capricorns nest.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To quote the man, "This is as Goudas it gets."

He's come a long way since Cheesy Rider, a Shining example no less.


----------



## Kazak

Cheez, SQ, as the Ancient Roman TV celebrity Robertus Sagittarius (below) used to say, "We've moved on."


----------



## cap10subtext

If it's any constellation the dairy shall live on in spirit. However, leo it to ourselves to look to the future.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Cheez, SQ, as the Ancient Roman TV celebrity Robertus Sagittarius (below) used to say, "We've moved on."


They also serve, who only stand and wheyt.


----------



## The Doug

*Cheese Will Never Die*


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> *Cheese Will Never Die*


Uh, maybe not . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

we can only wish upon a star...


----------



## Kazak

Well, if it won't die, then let the serious punning begin: Various Kinds Of Cheese


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's all very well, but what about some crackers ... ?


----------



## SINC

Here ya go . . .


----------



## Ena

Which brother wrote the 'Communist Manifesto' ?


----------



## Kazak

That would be Pinko.


----------



## SINC

Or "Plinko" if you're on "The Price Is Right'.


----------



## cap10subtext

Plinko Marx's Manifesto was based on "The simple redistribution of wealth to the poor by means of a sheet of plywood, some nails, a hockey puck, and Bob Barker."


----------



## SINC

Was. Drew Carey now.


----------



## GratuitousApplesauce

Plinko - is that the name of that roach that's crawling around all your posts? I took care of him fer ya ... sorry 'bout the mess ... he was bigger than I thought


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, GA, Plinko seems to be alive and well. Makes we wonder what you did kill . . .


----------



## SINC

Ya missed, GA!


----------



## The Doug

Should I feel guilty that we've all been ignoring the career of Gary Coleman in this thread?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Damn! The single thing I most wanted to avoid!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Should I feel guilty that we've all been ignoring the career of Gary Coleman in this thread?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

. . . or should that read "grate" . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

YippeKiYay, Mozzarella.


----------



## Ena

Mozzarella as in the Mozzies game player's convention?


----------



## SINC

Stu Nicholls | CSSplay | A Mozzie Box


----------



## Kazak

"And if she don't know your name,
She knows what you got,
From your matzo balls
To the chicken in the pot"


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> "And if she don't know your name,
> She knows what you got,
> From your matzo balls
> To the chicken in the pot"


:


----------



## Kazak

Hmmm. The-Doug-in-a-can. Time to go vegan.


----------



## The Doug

I'll only be in the can after I get home from work this evening, so you have my permission to eat as many cheeseburgers as you can over the next two hours.


----------



## Kazak

Too much information (shudder).

And speaking of cheese, who can forget the episode wherein Kirk must battle the captain of the Gorn-gonzola ship:






​


----------



## cap10subtext

The "Cheese" Game - Page 4 - The Official Star Trek Movie Forum


----------



## The Doug

*Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of...*










_*CHEEEEEEEESE!*_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To boldly cheese ...


----------



## SINC

This bold enough?


----------



## Chris

Jimmy Buffet would love that!


----------



## Kazak

"15 may get you 20"


----------



## MissGulch

pen1s inlargmint


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MissGulch said:


> pen1s inlargmint


Crazy name for chewing gum!


----------



## Kazak

Makes you wonder about, oh, spearmint . . . doublemint . . . juicy fruit.


----------



## Ena

Bubblegum rock music


----------



## MissGulch

Big Red.


----------



## cap10subtext

Big League Chew!


----------



## Kazak

MissGulch said:


> Big Red.


Tee hee.

How 'bout jawbreakers?


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## cap10subtext




----------



## SINC

:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Not a fan of chewing gum, much less bubble gum. Our pavements are stained with darkened artifacts - the remains of spat out gobbets of gum.

Really cheeses me off.


----------



## Kazak

Ba-dum, kish. [sound effect]

Comedy technique #36B: the punchline that returns to an earlier joke.

SQ, you remind me of Steinbeck's drinking buddy, Monterey Jack.


----------



## The Doug

*And Now For Something Completely Different*

I've always wondered if this could ever happen. Yup, it sure can.


----------



## Kazak

Hence the lesser-known literary character, Don QuiWhoopsie.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Speaking of whom, we haven't seen Tilt on these forums in a long time have we?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> I've always wondered if this could ever happen. Yup, it sure can.


How did you get wind of that?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> How did you get wind of that?


:


----------



## Kazak

Putting pun and pun together, we get:






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mmmm. I could Gorge myself on that!


----------



## Kazak

Gorge, gorge, gorge of the jungle . . .


----------



## Ena

To gorge or not to gorge, that is the question.


----------



## SINC

Ena said:


> To gorge or not to gorge, that is the question.


Curious Gorge, eh?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Gorgeous gorge. Is it near a forge?


----------



## SINC

YouTube - George Forge Auto Gorge


----------



## Kazak

From Saturday's _Vancouver Sun_ (and other papers, no doubt):

Nominees for this year's oddest book title competition:

I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen
How to Write a How to Write Book
Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues
If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs
People who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Doctor Feelgood

and, just for SQ,

Cheese Problems Solved.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Some past nominees in the Oddest Title of the Year competition.

This competition was soberly discussed on the Today programme on Radio 4 last week. You can vote here if you have a particular favourite.


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, SQ. I voted and discovered that ". . . Start with your Legs" is the current front-runner (so to speak).

Anyway, George Constanza made "yada yada" famous. Someone I used to know said "Blah blah woof woof" to mean the same thing. What do y'all say?

(I know this is a lot of structure for this thread, so if you object, just bring on the cheese.)


----------



## MissGulch

Proscutto the test thread zen slayers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "Paradoxes are the mushrooms that lift the paving stones of your mind."


----------



## The Doug

_Stop making sense, 
stop making sense... 
stop making sense, 
making sense._


----------



## MissGulch

Her name was Lola,
She was a showgirl.


----------



## Kazak

If they were on a double bill, it would be called The Talking Nose.


----------



## SINC

And speaking of double bills . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

Way to keep your ducks in a row. :clap:


----------



## SINC

:


----------



## cap10subtext

Neeeyyyaaa... What's up, Duck?


----------



## The Doug

Leopold!


----------



## SINC

Seems we've gone Looney, but I love it!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I am not a looney! Why should I be attired with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? .... Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!


----------



## cap10subtext

A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?


----------



## spitfire

TO LIFE TO LIFE Lakhaium
lakhaium lakhaium to life!
life has a way of amusing
blessing and bruising us
drink lakhaium to LIIIIIIIIFAH

*insert some Russian melody here*


----------



## Chris

Look, I came here for an argument!


----------



## spitfire

Chris said:


> Look, I came here for an argument!


What would be your preferred method of choice - a Halo 3 showdown or a sword fight?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chris said:


> Look, I came here for an argument!


Suppose that p(1)=2 < p(2) = 3 < ... < p(r) are all of the primes. Let P = p(1)p(2)...p(r) + 1, and let p be a prime dividing P; then p can not be any of p(1), p(2), ..., p(r), otherwise p would divide the difference P-p(1)p(2)...p(r) = 1, which is impossible. So this prime p is still another prime, and p(1), p(2), ..., p(r) would not be all of the primes.

That do?


----------



## cap10subtext

NEE!

Now fetch me a shrubbery...


----------



## Ena

What are yew pine-ing for? Con-cedar it done!


----------



## SINC

Those were tree-mendous puns!


----------



## Kazak

Lupins!


----------



## Ena

Dennis Moore!.....

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the night.
Soon every lupin in the land
Will be in his mighty hand
He steals them from the rich
And gives them to the poor
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.


----------



## cap10subtext

What, no moore posts?


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

cap10subtext said:


> What, no moore posts?


The National Post, or Emily Post?


----------



## MissGulch

Viagra Falls


----------



## cap10subtext

Cincinnativan


----------



## Kazak

MissGulch said:


> Viagra Falls


Lake Flaccid.


----------



## The Doug

Cold water? Shrinkage.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Reductio ad absurdum.


----------



## Kazak

Persona non grata.


----------



## The Doug

Lunchbag letdown.


----------



## cap10subtext

ad nauseum


----------



## Chris

Ni illigitimi, carborundum sub.


----------



## SINC

Ni illigitimi, carborundum


----------



## Kazak

Subito!


----------



## SINC

BITO Home Page


----------



## cap10subtext

BITA Home Page


----------



## SINC

ATIB Internet Sitesi


----------



## Kazak

Rumour has it that Apple is preparing a handheld device that will allow the legally blind to drive. The main component is portable and dash-mountable, with a Bluetooth headset that allows the driver to navigate by echolocation. It's called, natch, the 

iBat.


----------



## SINC

ITAB - Home Page


----------



## The Doug

Bait


----------



## SINC

Tabi - Tabi Boots, Tabi Socks


----------



## cap10subtext

Tabby - Cat Facts


----------



## MissGulch

Decriminalize Mara Juana.


----------



## Chris

But won't Mary Jane feel neglected?


----------



## MissGulch

She's busy dating Opie M.


----------



## The Doug

Chris said:


> But won't Mary Jane feel neglected?


Not if you distract her with a bag of Nachos.


----------



## SINC

Nachos backwards = Sohcan

The World of Warcraft Armory


----------



## gastonbuffet

i like my nachos like my women, ----- and ---.
over the top?
fill in the blanks

crunchy
noisy
moist
wet
saucy


----------



## cap10subtext

"Cigarettes and Alcohol go together like Porn and Nachos." -- the Oblongs.


----------



## Kazak

We go together like "David Cassidy and puka shells, Donny Osmond and purple socks, or chocolate and peanut butter."

"We go together like Rama lama lama ka dinga da dingde dong."

"We go together like the storm and rain . . . We go together like the moon and June."


----------



## MissGulch

My heart beeps for you.


----------



## Kazak

And the beep goes on.


----------



## iMouse

Check with me in the morning.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> And the beep goes on.


.


----------



## The Doug

Betty Beep.


----------



## iMouse

Holy aged, Doug.

Would you like some oxygen???


----------



## Kazak

Beep me up, Scotty. (kinda takes on a whole new meaning)

Michael Jackson: Beep it.

Birthday beeps.

The sniper drew a beep on him.

Everyone's favourite Muppet: Beeper.

Coming home Friday night to an ice-cold beep.

Killer beeps.

Beauty and the Beep.

Pork and beeps.

Beep there, done that.

Okay, I'll stop now.


----------



## cap10subtext

Cat gotcher nose?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep


----------



## SINC

YouTube - The Pussycat Dolls - Beep


----------



## MissGulch

Now I lay me down to beep...


----------



## The Doug

Don't worry, beep happy.


----------



## SINC

Beep there, done that.


----------



## The Doug

iMouse said:


> Holy aged, Doug.


Hey watch it - I'm only about 17,300 days old.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Beep there, done that.


Sorry, SINC, you got scooped.

Baby, you can drive my car, 
And maybe I'll love you,
Beep beep-m-beep beep, yeah.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Sorry, SINC, you got scooped.


Son of a beep!

But I guess great minds think alike?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beep repaired, as the Boy Scouts say.


----------



## The Doug

"To beep, or not to beep, that is the question..."

"To beep, perchance to dream..."

_- William Shakesbeepe, circa 1600_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Where the beep sucks, there suck I
In a cowslip's beep I lie;

_William Shakesbeepe_


----------



## The Doug

Aah, a quote from _The Beepest_. Bravo! 

I thought you would go for a lighter work, such as _A Midsummer Night's Beep_, or perhaps _Much Ado About Beep_. 

:clap:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MacBeep, perchance?


----------



## The Doug

But of course.

_Out, damn beep!_


----------



## MissGulch

How beep is your love?


----------



## SINC

Bleeping Beauty.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bleepless in Seattle


----------



## SINC

I spent last night beeping in my sled.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

So ... is this a Beep Year?


----------



## Kazak

Winnie the Pooh:

"You never can tell with beeps."

(Tragic that I missed the Shakespeare beeps while I was at work teaching R&J: What light through yonder window beeps?)


----------



## MissGulch

Am I my brother's beeper?


----------



## The Doug

MissGulch said:


> Am I my brother's beeper?


No, you're MissBeep.


----------



## SINC

There are times when it's tough to beep pace with this thread.


----------



## The Doug

Beep afraid. Beep very afraid.


----------



## MissGulch

Soon you will be hearing the pitter patter of tiny beeps.


----------



## Kazak

Pickled beeps.


----------



## Ena

You can bet your sweet beepy!


----------



## cap10subtext

I've lost the beeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.


----------



## Kazak

cap10subtext said:


> I've lost the beeps . . .










Where's the beep?​


----------



## Ena

Kazak said:


> Where's the beep?


Little Bobeep has lost them and doesn't know where to find them.


----------



## MissGulch

Are you beeping,
Are you beeping,
Dormir vous?


----------



## The Doug

Huckabeep?


----------



## iMouse

I came, I saw, I beeped.

Stop!!!! Beep!!!! Enough!!!!


----------



## The Doug

Wild Beep was one of my favourite system sounds in OS 9 & previous.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

iMouse said:


> I came, I saw, I beeped.


Julius Beeper, 55 BC! Ciao beepy!

Then, _Veni, vidi, velcri._ - I came, I saw, I stuck around, 54 BC.


----------



## MissGulch

iMouse said:


> I came, I saw, I beeped.
> 
> Stop!!!! Beep!!!! Enough!!!!


I started this. So beep me.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> ...54 BC.


You mean BeepC.


----------



## SINC

Beep sea fishing.


----------



## iMouse

And so, Beep Throat.


----------



## SINC

Bleep apnea.


----------



## iMouse

Bleep deprived.


----------



## groovetube

holy bleep.

a thread that actually makes sense.


----------



## MissGulch

Mind your own beepness!


----------



## The Doug

This is ehBeep. Nobody minds their beepwax around here.


----------



## iMouse

Beep and the World beeps with you, :lmao: 

beep, and you beep alone. :-(


----------



## The Doug

As you sow, so shall you beep.


----------



## iMouse

If you don't get the beep off my property, I'll give you a swift kick in the beep.


----------



## groovetube

finders beepers, losers... um. Beepers.


----------



## MissGulch

I'm like, beeping in my pants.


----------



## The Doug

Present at today's meeting:

- MissBeep
- The Beep
- Beep
- beeptube
- iBeep
- Snapple Beeper
- enbeep
- Kabeep


----------



## MissGulch

Beepy, the Vampire Slayer.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Present at today's meeting" ........... Dr. Beep has left the building.


----------



## cap10subtext

Beep10subtext slept in... Beeper late than never.


----------



## Kazak

Once again, RAA kicks in:

"Beepscore and seven beeps abeep our beepers beeped forth on this contibeep a new beeption, conbeeped in libeepty and beepicated to the beeposition that all beeps are beepated beepqual. Now beep are enbeeped in a great beepil beep, beeping whether that beeption or any beeption so conbeeped and so beepicated can long enbeep. We are beeped on a great beeplefield of that beep. We have come to beepicate a beeption of that beep as a final beeping-place for those who here beeped their beeps that that beeption might beep. It is albeepgether beeping and beeper that we should beep this. But in a beeper sense, we cannot beepicate, we cannot beepecrate, we cannot hallow this beep. The beep men, beeping and beeped who beeped here have beepecrated it far abeep our poor beeper to beep or debeep. The beep will little beep nor long rebeeper what we beep here, but it can never beep what they beeped here. It is for us the beeping rather to be beepicated here to the unbeeped beep which they who beeped here have thus far so beeply adbeeped. It is rather for us to beep here beepicated to the great beep rebeeping bebeep us--that from these beepered beeps we take inbeeped debeeption to that beep for which they beeped the last full beepsure of debeeption--that we here beeply rebeep that these beeps shall not have beeped in beep, that this beeption under Beep shall have a new beepth of beepdom, and that beepment of the beepers, by the beepers, for the beepers shall not beepish from the beep."

- Abeepham Beepcoln


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Beep me up, Scotty."


----------



## iMouse

To beep, or not to beep, that is the question....


----------



## MissGulch

...and the beep goes on...

Are we starting to rebeep ourselves?


----------



## SINC

I'm thinking chinese tonight. Beep and broccoli maybe?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ssshh. I'm trying to catch up on a little beep here!


----------



## Ena

To beep perchance to dream.


----------



## iMouse

MissGulch said:


> ...and the beep goes on...
> 
> Are we starting to rebeep ourselves?


We might beep.

Do a search on "beep".


----------



## The Doug

Beepi Longstocking.


----------



## cap10subtext

Anne of Beep Gables


----------



## SINC

Things that go beep in the night.


----------



## Dr.G.

As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Beep.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ah! The Grim Beeper.


----------



## Dr.G.

Ask not for whom the bell beeps .......... it beeps for thee.


----------



## SINC

Jeepers, creepers, where'd ya get those Beepers?


----------



## Dr.G.

"To die, to beep; To beep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that beep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil".

My apologies to Shakespeare


----------



## The Doug

You mean Shakesbeepe.


----------



## Kazak

Beeples wobble but they don't fall down.


----------



## SINC

There was an interesting nature show on National Geo TV on wildebeets last night.


----------



## iMouse

Spelling check on aisle 2301.  

Sheep may safely peep. (JSB)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And Bo may safely beep.


----------



## The Doug

Uriah Beep.


----------



## iMouse

A Mighty Beep. (hey, you started it!!)


----------



## Dr.G.

Beep the magic dragon, lived by the sea, and froliced in the autumn mist ..................


----------



## MissGulch

Netflix or Beepbuster?


----------



## Ena

Don't rent "Truly Madly Beeply". You'll need Beepto Bismol for the heartburn on viewing.


----------



## cap10subtext

Beep blue sea is more my kind of movie.


----------



## Kazak

On the fade-out of The Beeples' "Strawbeepy Beeps Forever," you can hear John saying, "I beeped Paul," though he maintained he actually said, "cranbeepy sauce."


----------



## SINC

http://www.sound-effect.com/pirsounds/PD_SOUNDFX/BEEPS/AMFMBEEP.WAV


----------



## MissGulch

Roll Over Beepthoven


----------



## Dr.G.

Sinc, are we playing "guess that sound"? Sounds like someone banging against a metal lamp post.


----------



## cap10subtext

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes PING!!!!!


----------



## Dr.G.

Ping??? I thought we were doing "beep".


----------



## SINC

No, we're doing Beeng.


----------



## Ena

Beeng Crosby or beeng cherries


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We are moving into a beeping, phase then?


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We are moving into a beeping, phase then?


Processed with the Universal Beep Translator:



> Beep beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Beep. Beep beep beeper, beep beep beepbeep beep.


----------



## MissGulch

Who feels beepy today?

The Legend of Beepy Hollow.


----------



## SINC

The Big Beep


----------



## Dr.G.

One Flew Over the Beep-Beep's Nest


----------



## iMouse

Try this one.

Beep, Beep and Beeple.



HINT: The words are the correct length.


----------



## SINC

I Don't Want To Beep Alone.


----------



## The Doug

_California beepin'
On such a winter's day..._


----------



## SINC

All this beeping is starting to get to me . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

Don't blame me, I pinged... I just got no response.

Beep.


----------



## Kazak

Beepu!​


----------



## iMouse

iMouse said:


> Try this one.
> 
> Beep, Beep and Beeple.
> 
> 
> 
> HINT: The words are the correct length.


2nd hint.

The first letter of the first two words is correct.


----------



## Dr.G.

Bing, bang, bopeep (instead of boom)


----------



## Ena

Beeper Madness (the movie version from 1936)


----------



## iMouse

Dr.G. said:


> Bing, bang, bopeep (instead of boom)


Nope.

Last hint. The last 2 letters of the 3rd word are correct.

Come on, you can do it.

It's a movie title.


----------



## SINC

Beep the Magic Dragon.


----------



## cap10subtext

I think we are starting to rebeep ourselves.


----------



## The Doug

Beep and Rebeep were sitting on a fence. Beep fell off. Who was left?


----------



## iMouse

OK, just so Dr.G can sleep tonight,

Bell, Book and Candle.

:lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

Thanks, iMouse. Sadly, I actually saw that movie way back when. I always did like movies with James Stewart, Kim Novak and Jack Lemmon, and this one had all three. Merci, mon ami.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

cap10subtext said:


> I think we are starting to rebeep ourselves.


Déjà beep?


----------



## MissGulch

SINC said:


> All this beeping is starting to get to me . . .


Shall we move onto "peep"? Do you miss the cheese?


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> Shall we move onto "peep"? Do you miss the cheese?


Dunno, ask Wile E. Coyote. It was him bitchin'!


----------



## The Doug

Don't fear the beeper.


----------



## Kazak

More cowbeep!!!


----------



## cap10subtext

Saturday Beep Live.


----------



## Kazak

John Beeplushi.


----------



## The Doug

The Killer Beeps.


----------



## MissGulch

Samamtha and Darren in Beepwitched!


----------



## Ena

Ugly Beepy


----------



## The Doug

Wow, that's terrific beep!


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, that drink was made in an official Ronco "Beep-o-matic". I think it was made from bass.


----------



## cap10subtext

Are you tired of beeping your bass the old fashioned way?


----------



## Ena

How do the musicians keep their plaice when playing beep-bop jazz?


----------



## Kazak

We are the beepheads. We come from . . . France.


----------



## MissGulch

I love lightbeep jokes.


----------



## iMouse

I love double enpeepres.


----------



## Ena

I like Queen. 'Another one beeps the dust' is a favourite.


----------



## iMouse

A steal, sorry Ena.

"Beeps??? We don't need no steeekin' beeps!!!"


----------



## cap10subtext

Wasn't that from Beeping Saddles by Mel Beeps?


----------



## The Doug

Treasure of the Sierra Beep.


----------



## SINC

Moses and The Burning Beep.


----------



## cap10subtext

Let My Beeple Go!!


----------



## Kazak

The Beep is my beepherd; I shall not beep. 
He beepeth me to beep down in beep beeptures: he beepeth me beepside the still beeps. 
He rebeepeth my beep: he beepeth me in the beeps of beepteousness for his beep's beep.
Beep, though I beep through the beepey of the beep of beep, I will beep no ebeep: for beep art with beep; thy beep and thy beep they beepfort me. 
Thou prebeepest a beep beepfore me in the beepence of mine enebeeps: thou abeeptest my beep with beep; my beep beepeth over.
Beeply beepness and beepcy shall beep me all the beeps of my beep: and I will beep in the beep of the Beep for ever.


----------



## Ena

You shall not commit beepultery


----------



## cap10subtext

Though shalt honour no beep before me.


----------



## Chris

*cough*

Boop!


----------



## MissGulch

The Macabeeps


----------



## cap10subtext

It's a conversion! I have seen the light. Time for my booptism.


----------



## Ena

Apple Inc.
1 Infinite Boop, Cupertino, California


----------



## Kazak

Or was that "Boopertino"?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Or was that "Boopertino"?


Boom!


----------



## The Doug

Boopertino, in Beepifornia.


----------



## SINC

No doubt the home of Beeple Computer?


----------



## The Doug

It's fun when The Steve says "just one more beep" at the end of his Macworld keynotes.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Oh! There's just more more beep!"


----------



## MissGulch

Johnny, Beep Goode.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> It's fun when The Steve says "just one more beep" at the end of his Macworld keynotes.





Snapple Quaffer said:


> "Oh! There's just more more beep!"


Sorry, Doug, I seem to have stepped on your beep!


----------



## SINC

S'OK SQ, better you don't beep on his step.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

T'would be a boob to stoop to beep on his step.


----------



## The Doug

T'would be a very steep beep of a boob boop, you bet.


----------



## Chris

Boo-boop dee boop!


----------



## cap10subtext

What is BOOP?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Boop Radley ... _To Kill a Mockingbeep_


----------



## Kazak

Beep and You and a Dog Named Boop.


----------



## SINC

Beep Didley.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## MissGulch

Manuel Labour.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Ich beep ein Berliner." ... _J F Kennebeep_


----------



## The Doug

_The following is a test of the *Emergency Broadcast System*._





beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep






_If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to tune to one of the broadcast stations in your area._


----------



## cap10subtext

ow my beepin' ears!


----------



## Vexel

SINC said:


> Beep Didley.


We don't need to hear about you diddling your beep.


----------



## The Doug

I blame those cold prairie winters in Albeepa.


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, you should try the winters here in Newfoundbeep and Labrador.


----------



## SINC

Yep, we keep sending those Alberta Beepers your way Doug!


----------



## MissGulch

Just when I thought beep went bust:

How beep is your love?


----------



## The Doug

_...'Cause we're living in a world of boop, beeping us down..._


----------



## Kazak

_. . . when they all should let us beep, we beeplong to you and beep. . . _


----------



## The Doug

Gumbeep


----------



## SINC

Wallabeep


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_I’m beepin’….. for rain in California,
So the beeps can grow and they can make more wine,_


----------



## SINC

This one's for SQ!

Rugbeep


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ah, a ruffian's game played by beeps!


----------



## SINC

Eleanor Rigbeep


----------



## cap10subtext

The Beeples!!

_All you need is Beep._

_I wanna hold your boop._

_Don't let me beep._

_Hey, Boop..._


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_Groucho, Zeppo, Harpo and Beepo_ ... the four stages of indigestion!


----------



## MissGulch

Are you a Beeptist, or a Booptist?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Does being capsized from a canoe count?

(Sympathy votes here please: I was up the proverbial stream of effluent in a barbed wire canoe, sans paddle at the time.)


----------



## MissGulch

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Does being capsized from a canoe count?


Only if you were beeptized.

Sorry about the beeped wire incident.


----------



## SINC

Anyone wear a Derbeep?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Anyone wear a Derbeep?


If the beep fits, wear it!


----------



## SINC

A London Bobbeep


----------



## The Doug

Beep Liberty.


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, guys, I'm beeped out (or beeped up).

One two three, four five six, seven eight nine, ten eleven twelve
Ladybugs came to the ladybugs' picnic

One two three, four five six, seven eight nine, ten eleven twelve
And they all played games at the ladybugs' picnic

They had twelve sacks so they ran sack races
And they fell on their backs and they fell on their faces
The ladybugs 12 at the ladybugs' picnic

They played jump rope but the rope it broke
So they just sat around telling knock-knock jokes
The ladybugs 12 at the ladybugs' picnic

One two three, four five six, seven eight nine, ten eleven twelve
And they chatted away at the ladybugs' picnic

They talked about the high price of furniture and rugs
And fire insurance for ladybugs
The ladybugs 12 at the ladybugs' picnic
12!


----------



## The Doug

_Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid'll eat ivy too
BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_


----------



## SINC

Herbeep


----------



## MissGulch

Beeple,
Beeple who need beeple
Are the LUCKIEST BEEPLE in the world.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

Stubbeep


----------



## Ena

Jeepers, creepers....where'd ya get them beepers
Jeepers, creepers...where'd ya get those eyes
Gosh oh, git up....how'd they get so lit up
Gosh oh, gee oh....how'd they get that size

-Louis Armstrong


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_Frijoles refritos_ - refried beeps.


----------



## Kazak

62:65:65:70


----------



## The Doug

01101001
01110100
00100000
01101001
01110011
00100000
01110000
01110100
01100001
01110010
01101101
01101001
01100111
01100001
01101110
00100000
01110000
01110100
01101001
01101101
01100101


----------



## cap10subtext

B = 2
e = 5
e = 5
p = 16

+= 28
2+8 = 10

Post # 2422
2+4+2+2= 10

Coincidence?






...yes.


----------



## SINC

10 . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

:love2: be still my beeping heart...


----------



## Kazak

Pthe Doug,

I played for ptwo weeks at pthe Ptarmigan Inn in Hay River NWpT in an earlier lifeptime.

capp10subptext,

It's not coincidence. Here's a little math game my son discovered before he got to Kindergarten:

2+2 = 4
4+4 = 8
8+8 = 16
16+16 = 14
14+14 = 10
10+10 = 2
2 + 2 = well, you can see where this is headed.

SINC, if those are 10, I don't want that ruler anywhere around me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> 10 . . .


I can only see two.

DOH! It's binary ... !

Sinc, you prankster!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Pthe Doug,
> 
> I played for ptwo weeks at pthe Ptarmigan Inn in Hay River NWpT in an earlier lifeptime.


You wouldn't be ragging my pal Ptolemy would you? Cleo really gets needled by all that, Mark me.


----------



## The Doug

Thanks for asping. Ptrust me, I would cerptainly never rag on or ptaunt Ptolemy - wipttingly or unwipttingly.


----------



## Kazak

Ptalk about ptongue ptwisters!


----------



## The Doug

You've no need to lighpt a nighptlighpt on a lighpt nighpt like tonighpt. For a nighptlighpt's lighpt's a slighpt lighpt, and tonighpt's a nighpt that's lighpt. When a nighpt's lighpt, like tonighpt's lighpt, ipt is really nopt quipte righpt to lighpt nighptlighpts with their slighpt lighpts on a lighpt nighpt like tonighpt.


_(inptermission)_


If one docptor docptors anopther docptor, does pthe docptor who docptors pthe docptor docptor the docptor pthe way the docptor he is docptoring docptors? Or does he docptor pthe docptor pthe way the docptor who docptors docptors?


----------



## SINC

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.


----------



## The Doug

Boy, I could barely undersptand pthapt. I think you meanpt pto say, pthe sixpth sick sheik's sixpth sheep's sick.


----------



## SINC

ptptptptp


----------



## Dr.G.

lsmft .............. of course, I don't smoke so what would I know.


----------



## cap10subtext

asakkay, atwhay anguagelay areway youway peakingsay?


----------



## The Doug

Ptarmiganic.


----------



## Kazak

I'll speak pthe language, bupt I sptop shorpt of bying ptarmiganic food apt pthe grocery sptore.

Oh ptarmigan, ptarmigan,
Won'pt you perch on my arm again,
Don'pt do me no harm again,
When I'm down on the farm again.


----------



## The Doug

A sptunning work of hearptbreaking beaupty!

This remainder of this post will consist of re-runs from a previous season of this thread.


----------



## SINC

Seems 'tis a whole lotta squawkin' about nuttin'


----------



## cap10subtext

The Doug said:


> A sptunning work of hearptbreaking beaupty!
> 
> This remainder of this post will consist of re-runs from a previous season of this thread.


Of course ipt will. Didn'pt you gept pthat memo?


----------



## Chris

Pshaw!


----------



## cap10subtext




----------



## Kazak

900 pospts! Woopt!


----------



## The Doug

Congraptulations! Parpty in El Club Veriptgo ptonight!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Jings, crivens 'n help ma Boab! 

I nearly forgot to wish everyone a Happy Beepster!


----------



## The Doug

Take lots of musical talent, add one Yoko, and here is your punishment for nearly forgetting.


----------



## SINC

I simply can't decide which is worse. The guy on the fiddle, Yoko, or the video quality.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Did you phind the phab phour phenomenon phantastic back in the psixties?

Did you like Psergeant Pfeffer's Looney Pharts Club band?

_[mumbles]Now where are my dentures?[/mumbles]_


----------



## Ena

Ah the phab phour. Watched them on Pted Psullivan in 1964. That was a psreallly big pshow.

[ no store bought teeth in my mouth ]


----------



## The Doug

I see the language of Ptarmiganic is evolving, as it should.


----------



## Kazak

Apnd pnow, for psomepthipng compplepteply diphpherepnpt . . .

a mapn wipth pthree buptptocks.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A cheeky chappie indeed.


----------



## Ena

..and he's just phresting as he's ptheen a very naughty boy after being in the National Cheese Emporium. Ptrunny cheese anyone?


----------



## The Doug

_Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!_


----------



## HowEver

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: 
All mimsy were the borogoves, 
And the mome raths outgrabe. ...

.


----------



## SINC

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy
Was he?


----------



## cap10subtext

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
but it keeps them on my knife.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk! 
Fripping lyshus wimbgunts, awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs. 
Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt! 
Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose._


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

cap10subtext said:


> I eat my peas with honey,
> I've done it all my life.
> It makes the peas taste funny,
> but it keeps them on my knife.


Interesting rhythmic devices which seem to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor.


----------



## Cameo

No! No No No No Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

View attachment 4827


----------



## Kazak

". . . and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

- Molly Bloom


----------



## Chris

FLEAS (a poem)

Adam had 'em.


----------



## HowEver

There once was a man from Japan
Who wrote verse that never would scan
Try as he might
He thought it was right
To fit as many words into the last line as you possibly can.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

42.

Discuss.


----------



## Kazak

Well, it's not much of an answer, but any answer at all is enough to get the existentialists to pipe down.


----------



## The Doug

Only pan-dimensional beings are allowed to participate in this thread until further notice.


----------



## MissGulch

Jai guru deva om


----------



## Chris

I'm thirsty. Where's my pan-galactic gargle-blaster?


----------



## Ena

Inside the TARDIS


----------



## Kazak

Unk - turn the ship upside down.


----------



## cap10subtext

"Oh no, not again..."


----------



## dingbat

test


----------



## MissGulch

dingbat said:


> test


ing. 1-2-3


----------



## The Doug

dingbat said:


> test


You're about 21 months late. Proof that you are not a pan-dimensional being.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Qed


----------



## dingbat

The Doug said:


> You're about 21 months late. Proof that you are not a pan-dimensional being.


Twenty-one months is exactly how long it took for my post to reach Earth from Blathon 7, my home world in the 33rd dimension....

So there!


----------



## The Doug

*beep*


----------



## SINC

Gouda one!


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> *beep*


Test greatest hits.


----------



## Kazak

Here's a Pan-dime-nsional object:






​


----------



## The Doug

*pan
pan
coin
coin*


----------



## Chris

That's improbable.


----------



## HowEver

The Doug said:


> *pan
> pan
> coin
> coin*


32 million views:

YouTube - OK Go - Here It Goes Again


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'd like a recount please. At a count rate of 'one-per-second', I'll expect to hear on the 5th April next year. My recommendation is 8-hour shifts.

Now, about coins ... I'll take mine in groats.


----------



## Kazak

Groat your own.

Sow wild groats.

Got your groat.


----------



## Dr.G.

Dick Groat, one-time shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Kasha, made with buckwheat groats.


----------



## The Doug

Buckwheat, made of Billie Thomas.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Oh, tay".


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This is getting gruelling.


----------



## Kazak

Found my groat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Groat minds think alike.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Groats seldom differ.


----------



## Kazak

Whatever floats your groat.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Different groats for different folks.


----------



## SINC

This is beginning to get my groat.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Gruffly?


----------



## The Doug

Roughly.


----------



## SINC

Ruffled Groat


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Give me a groat long enough and a pfulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the beep.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Brussels groats.


----------



## Ena

That's all she groat.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

How many groats make a guinea? (Hint: There are seven shillings in a guinea and four farthings in a penny.)


----------



## Kazak

Just guinea a minute, then I'll put the answer in groatation marks.


----------



## SINC

If you get it right, I'll groat for you in the next election.


----------



## Dr.G.

"We have nothing to groat by groat itself."

"Ask not what your groat can do for you, but what you can do for your groat."

Inspiring words.


----------



## MissGulch

Deep Groat.


----------



## Kazak

Well, I am shocked, Miss Gulch. My reaction is like putting sptyrophoam through a cheese groater.


----------



## The Doug

_rrrrr bigfoot want cheese!_


----------



## SINC

www.bigfootcheese.com


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If bigfoot cheese (or even toe-jam) is a problem, may I refer you to ..... ?


----------



## Kazak

I don't think that's an authentic Bigphoot foto. Looks more like Robin Williams to me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's quite groatesque.


----------



## Kazak

You knew it was coming:










Groat's Head Soup​


----------



## cap10subtext

Remember it's April fools today. If someone's trying to get your groat, they are probably pulling your leg.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Tsetse.

Cicada.

Locust.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Pjeff Groatbeep!!


----------



## Kazak

He's been in a lot of cheesy movies.


----------



## Dr.G.

I have graded all of your take-home tests, and I must say that I am very pleased with the creativity of your answers. Be sure to read chapters 7-9 in your textbook for tomorrow's discussion on the topic at hand.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Nice to see someone has the balls to withstand the Escher cooker.


----------



## The Doug

pThree's company.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

pTwo's a groat!


----------



## SINC

Norman Pfell


----------



## Kazak

. . . and then he got up again.

Norman Bates.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And felt more enlightened.

Norman Wisdom


----------



## Kazak

and lose some.

Norman, is that you?


----------



## Dr.G.

Yes, it is I, Norman, of Square Peg fame. Jolly good show. Must go now and have a spot of tea at The Shang. Ta ta, chaps.


----------



## Kazak

Carlton the doorman.


----------



## The Doug

The Music died.


----------



## SINC

Excuse me . . .

YouTube - Foster Brooks on Dean Martin Roasts


----------



## Kazak

Lorenzo's Oil.


----------



## cap10subtext

Life without Lorenzo.... er, Garfield:


----------



## MissGulch

Her name was Lola
She was a showgirl.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ell Oh, Ell Ay, L O L A

I hope that's straightened them out.


----------



## Kazak

I was walking up Broadway you know
and there's this incredible looking Swedish girl having a
Cappuccino across the street from Lincoln Center, I started
talking to her you know - She said her name was Lola,
Her English wasn't too good you know - but we wound up spending
about 5 hours together just hanging out you know.
So we go back to my place - we get high - we get really into each other man.
It was love about to happen...I'm serious.
And then all of a sudden she gets up and she says, she says "Hey, I really gotta leave"
Damn


----------



## Ena

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's better to have waxed and waned than to never have waxed at all?


----------



## iJohnHenry

Wax on, whacks off. :yikes:


----------



## Kazak

Better to have pined and sulked than never to have Pine Dettol.


----------



## The Doug

*beep*


----------



## cap10subtext

Clear!!!!


----------



## bgw

I have been reading this... and all I can say is...

Dr. Zog's sex wax. The best for your stick.


----------



## cap10subtext

In the middle of the night
came a blood curdling scream.
Turns out there was sand
in the Vaseline.


----------



## Kazak

Speaking of silica,

&​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sand in the Vaseline!
Fire in the hole!
Ants in the picnic!

You gotta have a system.


----------



## Chris

I think we have to lubricate this thread! Better not slip out, ....er... up!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Friction or non-friction?

Aye, there's the rub.


----------



## Kazak

I don't know--I've never looked.


----------



## cap10subtext

rub a dub dub...


----------



## Kazak

There once was a man from Nantucket . . .


----------



## SINC

There once was a lady from Madras
Who owned a magnificent ass
It was not pretty and pink, as you probably think
But was gray, had long ears and ate grass


----------



## The Doug

_..Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one..._


----------



## SINC

Huh?


----------



## Ena

Diik


----------



## cap10subtext

I understand! He's making a prophecy! The world will end at Midnight tonight!!!

12:30 Newfoundland.


----------



## Kazak

ln the event of snake bite, you make
an incision and suck out the poison.

Remember, you suck out the poison.
What do you do?

Suck out the poison.

- Suck out the poison.
- Suck out the poison.


----------



## SINC

Wow, that really sucks.


----------



## The Doug

SINC said:


> Huh?


Excerpt from Monty Python's Life of Brian script, which is most excellent.

*Beep*.


----------



## SINC

Peeb.


----------



## cap10subtext

B to the eep, peoples.


----------



## Kazak

Power to the beeple.

(Okay, so I'm weak.)


----------



## Chris

I've always liked the reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, verses 9 to 21.


----------



## bgw

Chris said:


> I've always liked the reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, verses 16 to 20.


I always like the part when things go *BANG!*


----------



## Chris

But, first thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Thus endeth the lesson.


----------



## bgw

So what happens when I stand upon the grassy knoll, with a cursed stick and yell

*FOUR!*.


----------



## HowEver

bgw said:


> So what happens when I stand upon the grassy knoll, with a cursed stick and yell
> 
> *FOUR!*.


This:

YouTube - Monty Python-Holy Hand Grenade


----------



## bgw

I better be careful here. I once nearly got arrested in South Africa for doing the Dead Parrot sketch with a friend!

With 'Four' I was thinking of golf. A great 'sport' to make fun of!

Lets put a Tiger in our comedy tank! You know, that big armed thing with tracks, a turret, which might fire holy hand grenades!


----------



## HowEver

bgw said:


> I better be careful here. I once nearly got arrested in South Africa for doing the Dead Parrot sketch with a friend!
> 
> With 'Four' I was thinking of golf. A great 'sport' to make fun of!
> 
> Lets put a Tiger in our comedy tank! You know, that big armed thing with tracks, a turret, which might fire holy hand grenades!


In that case, what I was going to ask, was Four? or, Fore?


----------



## bgw

Excuse me, I have to go to Eatons to get a brain transplant! 

(Now I feel like a dumb ass.)

Fore of course! I'll have a dream tonight about being stoned to death, but with golf balls.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This is the lower sling swivel. And this
Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see,
When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel,
Which in your case you have not got.


----------



## Kazak

One of my favourites, SQ.:clap: 

Oh I have been to Ludlow Fair,
And left my necktie God knows where . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

In da house, man.


----------



## cap10subtext

What... is your name?


----------



## The Doug

Anne Elk, not Anne Expert.


----------



## cap10subtext

What... is your quest?


----------



## SINC

Qwest.net


----------



## cap10subtext

What... Is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?


----------



## The Doug

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> What do you mean? An African or European swallow?


Hmmmm.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Coming or going??


----------



## MissGulch

Still here.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... 'airspeed velocity' ...

At what altitude?


----------



## Kazak

This thread has become so Python-centric, there's barely enough room to swing a cat in here.


----------



## Chris

BURMA!


----------



## Dr.G.

"Union of Myanmar", as in "Myanmar shave".


----------



## The Doug

Besides, if it were from the zoo, it'd have "property of the zoo" stamped on it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I keep thinking today's Tuesday.


----------



## fjnmusic

Eventually it will be. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.


----------



## Kazak

Unless it stopped between 2:00 and 2:59, in which case it's only right once when we switch to Daylight Savings, and a whopping three times when we switch back.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Stopped clocks tick me off.


----------



## The Doug

I'll ruin you. You'll never waitress in Torquay again.


----------



## Ena

Customer: What's that fly doing in my soup?

Waitress: I think it's the backstroke.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Ena said:


> Customer: What's that fly doing in my soup?
> 
> Waitress: I think it's the backstroke.


Throwing up. The soup is not too good today.


----------



## MissGulch

Phasers _on stun_, Mr. Spock.


----------



## cap10subtext

Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer.


----------



## Chris

I canna re-write the laws of physics, Captain!


----------



## The Doug

It's green.


----------



## Ena

It's not that easy bein' green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer being red, or
yellow or gold-
or something much more colorful like that.


----------



## Kazak

Have a popover, Froggy!


----------



## The Doug

Or just get, like, totally groovy.


----------



## Quicksilver G4

hi


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

OK. Phasers on Beep, everybody.


----------



## Kazak

Quicksilver G4 said:


> hi


Hi? Hi? What is this "Hi"? 

Is it a greeting? an offering? an accusation?

And why no upper-case "H"?

Or is it a coded message? The eighth and ninth letters of the alphabet. . . Hmm. . . 

Does it have to do with Seven of Nine? Or why six was afraid of seven?

If you play it backwards, do you get "eh" as in "ehMac"?

Curiouser and curiouser.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's just another way of saying 'lo.


----------



## cap10subtext

Speech!!! Speech!!!!

*ting ting ting*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Pliss ... allow me to prevent myself ...


----------



## The Doug

Ignorance is pliss.


----------



## MissGulch

The gurney is the reward.


----------



## The Doug

Good things come to those who ate.


----------



## SINC

Plissful thinking.


----------



## iJohnHenry

A itch in time saves nine.


----------



## Kazak

Pliss Pliss Me by the Beeples.

OR

Pliss allow me to introbeep myself,
I'm a man of wealth and cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nine itches'll save you eighty-one.

It's a bargain! I'll take it. Love that exponential itching.


----------



## Chris

But look out for that rabbit... it's dynamite!


----------



## cap10subtext

Leaves of three x3 x3 x3.


----------



## The Doug

Hansel? _Hansel?_


----------



## Chris

Hasenpfeffer!


----------



## Macfury

Why for you bury me in the cold, cold ground?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sixty-three.


----------



## Ena

I adore my 64


----------



## Kazak

Get your kicks . . .


----------



## Dr.G.

On route 66 ...........


----------



## Dr.G.

Finish the drive ............


----------



## Dr.G.

........ in 65 ..........


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

All the sixes, clickety-click.


----------



## Kazak

OHL team, the Ottawa . . .


----------



## Dr.G.

The 67's can go to heaven .................


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

CA-NA-DA .................. we love you ...............
CA-NA-DA ................. strong and true ...........


----------



## Kazak

Used to have that on a 45. Sigh. Anyway, onwards and upwards . . .

Soviet occupation of Czechoslovakia.

(Good luck to whomever goes next.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mai '68 - les grands événements


----------



## Chris

July '69 - Humans walk on the moon!:clap:


----------



## The Doug

1970. Tenth birthday. Mumps. I laughed and laughed.


----------



## HowEver

1971:



> January 1, 1971 in History
> 
> Event:
> Cigarette advertisements banned on TV


----------



## Kazak

72:






​


----------



## Macfury

73:


----------



## The Doug

74: Spirit Of America.


----------



## cap10subtext

75: When we get to Canada...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... Tithp


----------



## MissGulch

*Greetings from San Francisco*

76

Emperor Norton, Emperor of the United States, 1876 photo (bottom)


----------



## The Doug

San Franciscky? Did you drove, or did you flew?

My reverential SCTV quote for the day.


----------



## Kazak

. . . trombones led the big parade
With a 110 cornets close at hand.


----------



## Kazak

. . . or . . .





​


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> San Franciscky? Did you drove, or did you flew?
> 
> My reverential SCTV quote for the day.


I flewed using flewer miles and this is a bidness trip. My feets hurt. XX)


----------



## Macfury

77:


----------



## Macfury

The Doug said:


> San Franciscky? Did you drove, or did you flew?


Hey, Sid, did you get that six-day workweek for the janitors?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kookie, lend me your comb. (yuk)


----------



## Dr.G.

Don't forget Bob and Doug's big "Two-four" Anniversary.


----------



## Dr.G.

Long live, Bob and Doug .................. and Stan and Yosh, the Schmenge Brothers.


----------



## Dr.G.

.......two, three, four ............. cabbage rolls and coffee. Let's polka.


----------



## Kazak

​
Sigh. I wish I had my grandfather's collection.


----------



## Chris

I loved Stan and Yosh's "Salute to John Williams" episode. John Candy in a shark suit, playing the clarinet...priceless!

Cabbage rolls and coffee, mmm, mmm, good!

Brought to you by Jake, the Guy With a Snake on His Face!


----------



## Kazak

As they say in French, sixty-ten-nine.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> As they say in French, sixty-ten-nine.


*Warning!* Before you watch that video, eat one of these!!


----------



## cap10subtext

The big eight oh!










The beginning of a shrill and pointless decade...


----------



## Macfury

Eight One:


----------



## Dr.G.

Ten-four, good buddy. Over and out.


----------



## Kazak

1982: I leave home for life on the road in a rock band. I will "retire" to go back to college in 1985.


----------



## MissGulch

1983 The Lisa, Macintosh's big sister, was released.


----------



## HowEver

1984:

Of course!

YouTube - 1984 Apple's Macintosh Commercial


----------



## Kazak

Band on the Run - Side Two - last track


----------



## The Doug

*MCMLXXXVI*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

87 - Francium.

You've got to have a system.


----------



## Kazak

Tryin' to keep my 88s straight.​


----------



## iJohnHenry

That leaves me flat.


----------



## MissGulch

Snapple flavor 89:

Diet iced Yorkie tea.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'll sue.


----------



## The Doug

No, I think someone else should sue.


----------



## Kazak

Imitation is . . .

Actually, I prefer to think it's just a typo--should be AKAzak. where "zak" is short for zakpariah or z'akkuse (pardon my French) or Zakistani or zakinthebox or . . .


----------



## HowEver

Kazak said:


> Imitation is . . .
> 
> Actually, I prefer to think it's just a typo--should be AKAzak. where "zak" is short for zakpariah or z'akkuse (pardon my French) or Zakistani or zakinthebox or . . .


(Given your avatar) Zaku Koivu.


----------



## Kazak

Good one, HE.


----------



## The Doug

*1990*


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## HowEver

July, 1991. Total eclipse.


----------



## cap10subtext

1992: Euro Disney opens... And continues to be the butt of every other joke until 1998. That about when people stopped caring and got on with their lives.


----------



## Kazak

The last Canadiens Cup win.

Hey, SINC, how much for your car?


----------



## cap10subtext

I hear he'll let it go for a reasonable $1993.00.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> The last Canadiens Cup win.
> 
> Hey, SINC, how much for your car?


That one, you can have!


----------



## Kazak

Well that's just dishy.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fishy


----------



## cap10subtext

squishy


----------



## Kazak

delishy


----------



## The Doug

Wishy.

A moose bit my sister once.


----------



## Kazak

Washy.

Someone's looking to get sacked.


----------



## The Doug

*Designer:* ROY SMITH
*Møøse choreographed by:* HORST PROT III 
*Miss Taylor's Møøses by:* HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME 
*Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by:* JURGEN WIGG​


----------



## Chris

Splishy


----------



## The Doug

*Producer*
MARK FORSTATER

*Assisted By*
EARL J. LLAMA
MILT Q. LLAMA III
SY LLAMA
MERLE Z. LLAMA IX​


----------



## cap10subtext

Splashy.

The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other
people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been
sacked.
The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at
great expense and at the last minute.


----------



## The Doug

*Directed By
*
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY

and

TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES​


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, don't forget the dozen dancing doxies from Little Debbie's Den o' Doxies. They are darlings ............. albeit dangerous and destructive.


----------



## BigDL

Has this thread ever received a grade after all it is spring.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Grade? GRADE??

Sir, if you are referring to the unfortunate and inadvertent downhill nature of this thread and all of its accomplishments, then I must regretfully come to the conclusion that you might well be no more than a Perpendicular Puseyite!

I remain ... etc ...


----------



## SINC

BigDL said:


> Has this thread ever received a grade after all it is spring.


You bet it has, but feel free to run over it again if you like:


----------



## Kazak

Did somebody say "grade"?






​


----------



## Kazak

"[Dave] bought the last turkey there: twelve pounds, frozen as tight as a cannonball, grade B--whatever that meant."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Grade.

I'm ... I'm ... doh ... I'm apocalyptic!


----------



## BigDL

my thinking of making the grade for spring


----------



## HowEver

Spring, when a young man's thoughts turn to...


----------



## The Doug

...tax return time. :love2:


----------



## SINC

Grade idea, this thread!


----------



## Kazak

I find this all degrading.


----------



## SINC

It's just backfilling, is all.


----------



## The Doug

That's a reasonably concrete response.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> That's a reasonably concrete response.


Yeah, I tried not to put any spin on it.


----------



## cap10subtext

> Yeah, I tried not to put any spin on it.


How very down to earth of you.


----------



## The Doug

For some, being down to earth is an entrenched philosophy.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> For some, being down to earth is an entrenched philosophy.


As opposed to trenched philosophy:


----------



## cap10subtext

As opposed to UNtrenched philosophy, actually...


----------



## SINC

But is it the long or short of it?


----------



## cap10subtext

I see your point. Maybe we'll have to ask someone with more exposure to this matter.


----------



## SINC

I hate to ask as a rule, but I'll make an exception in this case.


----------



## Kazak

We interrupt this thread to announce my _Mth_ post.

We now resume our regularly scheduled mayhem:

Is that an exception in your case, or are you just happy to see me?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_Threadus interruptus!_


----------



## The Doug

_C'est ça! C'est la methode Catholique!_


----------



## cap10subtext

Avec! Avec! Le Skunk de pew!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Dewey Decimal System?


----------



## cap10subtext

Don't you know da doo-ee dezimal See-stem??


----------



## iJohnHenry

*DEWEY DECIMALS TRUMAN*​


----------



## The Doug

Abba?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Ena

Muhammad Ali


----------



## The Doug

Clay Aiken.


----------



## SINC

Apple Learning Interchange - Home


----------



## Kazak

Johnny Wakelin


----------



## cap10subtext

Johnny Walker


----------



## Kazak

Christopher Walken


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Sigh, brings back fond memories of Club Where'd-it-go.


----------



## The Doug

Maybe it was moved to where the streets have no name.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Maybe it was moved to where the streets have no name.


I know that place. The Old Bazaar in Cairo. Just down from the ... what's it called? Ah! The Street of a Thousand Households ... I think ... near the sign of the swinging ... 


[ ... to be continued .]


----------



## Kazak

[ ... or not.]


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

[ ... as the case may be ... ]


----------



## The Doug

[ ... *beep* ... ]


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As I was saying ...

... before I lost the thread ...


----------



## iJohnHenry

I detest tests.

Always have, always will.


----------



## SINC

I detect tests. Found one here as a matter of fact.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Protest


----------



## iJohnHenry

Contest.


----------



## SINC

Testy, are we?


----------



## Chris

Testes?


----------



## Ena

Tesla roadster


----------



## HowEver

Testarossa.


----------



## SINC

Testefakes?


----------



## Chris

Maybe a new method of "going regimental"?


----------



## iJohnHenry

Going postal??

Hey buddy, got a stamp??

*BANG.*


----------



## Kazak

Joanna Going.






​


----------



## Chris

Going, going,.....gone?


----------



## Kazak

Maud Gonne.





​


----------



## SINC

Maude


----------



## The Doug

Ah yes - that old compromisin', enterprisin' anything but tranqulizing right on Maude!!!


----------



## SINC

Indeed Doug, but I never paid much attention to Maude:


----------



## cap10subtext

nothing like the classics...


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## cap10subtext

It's the Maude Sqaude!


----------



## Ena

Oh my, we've become maudlin!


----------



## Kazak

I hope one of the Mauderators doesn't shut down this thread.


----------



## Kazak

“South Coast police have warned that if the fights between rival gangs of Maudes and rockers continue…”

[from one of the best albums _ever_]


----------



## SINC

I'm finding this thread is leaving me maudlin, especially after a few beers.


----------



## MissGulch

...And then there's Maude.


----------



## The Doug

Whom many laud.

beep


----------



## HowEver

Dear God,








.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Chris




----------



## iJohnHenry




----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Oh my Cod!

I expect he kept his 3-in-One handy.


----------



## The Doug

That appears to be a modded codpiece.


----------



## cap10subtext

Is that a fish in your pocket?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## cap10subtext

One fish, two fish...


----------



## HowEver

cap10subtext said:


> One fish, two fish...


Red fish, blue fish.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

One fish, two fish, red fish . . .





​
It's a reach, but I was ready to move on from the fish pics.


----------



## Chris

Heeeere Fishy,fishy, Fishy, Fishy!


----------



## iJohnHenry

Sorry Charlie.


----------



## Kazak

Chicken of the . . .


----------



## The Doug

So, what's gnu?


----------



## SINC

Uh, we were out jumpin' today?


----------



## Kazak

I guess that's the opposite of a slow gnus day.


----------



## cap10subtext

No gnus is good gnus.


----------



## The Doug

That's what ewe think.


----------



## Ena

Lambasting?


----------



## SINC

Oh, that was baaaaaaaaaad.


----------



## Kazak

There's no pulling the wool over SINC's eyes. Good luck fleecing him, either. He's built Ram tough. Not one for sheepishness.

Bleat.


----------



## SINC

And that's the bleating truth.


----------



## The Doug

Much ado about mutton.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Miles to go before I sheep.  





beejacon


----------



## Chris

Look out for the wind shear!


----------



## SINC

This thread is clipping right along.


----------



## The Doug

Yet we are all such lambs.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Slaughterhouse 5.


----------



## The Doug

How's the bleatin' weather on Tralfamador this morning?


----------



## cap10subtext

The Doug said:


> How's the bleatin' weather on Tralfamador this morning?


You know old the saying, "In like a lamb, out like a lion."


----------



## SINC

Oh, he lamb basted you with that one.


----------



## Kazak

"Four legs good, two legs baaaaaad."


----------



## The Doug

*food fight!*


----------



## iJohnHenry

New Zealand, where men are men, and sheep are nervous.

:clap:


----------



## Kazak

I watched "So You Think You Can Dance," hoping to see a sheep dip.


----------



## cap10subtext

I watched "prison break", hoping to see a lamb shank.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Have you ever seen a lamb shank??

No, but I've seen a dog hump.


----------



## Kazak

I watched "Groundhog Day" to hear "I Got Ewe, Babe" (over and over and over again).


----------



## SINC

I prefer Sinatra's version of, "Ewe, make me feel so good".


----------



## Kazak

I used to own this . . . Ack.





​


----------



## HowEver

Black Betty.

Classic.

YouTube - Ram Jam "Black Betty"



> whoa, black betty (bam-A-lam)
> whoa, black betty (bam-A-lam)
> Black betty had a child (bam-A-lam)
> The damn thing gone wild (bam-A-lam)
> She said "I'm worrin' outta my mind" (bam-A-lam)
> The damn thing gone blind (bam-A-lam)
> I said oh black betty (bam-A-lam)
> whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> 
> whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> She really gets me high (bam-BA-lam)
> You know that's no lie (bam-BA-lam)
> She's so rock steady (bam-BA-lam)
> She's always ready (bam-BA-lam)
> whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> 
> Whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> Whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> She's from birmingham (bam-BA-lam)
> Way down in alabam' (bam-BA-lam)
> Well' shes shakin' that thing (bam-BA-lam)
> Boy she makes me sing (bam-BA-lam)
> Whoa, black betty (bam-BA-lam)
> Whoa, black betty
> BAM-BA-LAM


----------



## cap10subtext

Did someone say Jam?

Weebl and Bob - band


----------



## iJohnHenry

Bob.

K.

You got pie??

No.

**** off then.

EDIT: I will have you all know that was the urinate word, not the fornicate one.


----------



## Kazak

Mmm . . . pumpkin pi.





​


----------



## cap10subtext

Pi don't know what to do with that joke. It could gourd in so many directions.


----------



## SINC

Consider it squashed.


----------



## Kazak

Gone to seed, dead on the vine.


----------



## cap10subtext

I'm worried someone will try and patch it together.


----------



## SINC

As in trying to pump some life back in it?


----------



## iJohnHenry

(That's been done before. They locked him up.)


----------



## cap10subtext

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater...


----------



## SINC

Had a wife, but . . .


----------



## iJohnHenry

I spy, with my belly-button eye, ...


----------



## The Doug

Hey, this sense doesn't make any thread!


----------



## SINC

Nor does the sense make any title, but there you go.


----------



## Ena

Wherever you go there you are


----------



## cap10subtext

Exactly! Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.


----------



## Kazak

Except, as earlier noted, the clock that stopped between 2:00 and 3:00, since it will only be right once the day we spring forward (and three times the day we fall back).

Anyway, shouldn't the proper title of this site be ehMac.ceh?


----------



## SINC

Perhaps we should take a time out?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is anybody taking the minutes here?


----------



## iJohnHenry

Perhaps we should increase our meds.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I second that.


----------



## The Doug

Here.


----------



## iJohnHenry

They do the same with Seniors, except for the poking part.


----------



## Kazak

Qu'est-ce que "They"?


They're coming to take me away . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ha ha


----------



## cap10subtext

ho ho


----------



## MissGulch

Ho Hos


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

114 cm = 45 in.


----------



## MasterBlaster

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fried rice ... Sporty Spice.

You've gotta have a system.


----------



## SINC

Spicey Pork


----------



## Ena

Pigs in a blanket


----------



## The Doug

Toad In The Hole


----------



## iJohnHenry

For God's sake, please stop trolling for attention.


----------



## SINC

SuperPC said:


> Click this link to go to the topic that introduced me:
> http://www.ehmac.ca/everything-else-eh/65253-i-m-new-guy-5.html


Time to pull the plug on this guy folks.

This will be my last reply regarding him. Wouldn't want to inflate his ego any further.

If we all stop acknowledging his existence, maybe there is a God and he will pissadear.


----------



## cap10subtext

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaalaalaaalaaaaa!
laaaaaaalaalalalalalalaaaaa!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Never put anything in your ear that's smaller than your elbow.


----------



## cap10subtext

WHAT???? I can't hear you, there's a finger in my ear!


----------



## The Doug

Did someone say _beer?_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Michelobe?


----------



## Kazak

For newlyweds: Michelope.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

For insects: antelope!


----------



## The Doug

So, what's for Penelope?


----------



## Chris

A Pitstop?


----------



## SINC

We seem to be pushing the envelope again, aren't we?


----------



## Ena

Does it have a 'pink slip' in it?


----------



## Kazak

Nope, but I hope it's got a soap on a rope.

Anyway, I think I'll amuse myself by musing on the muse Calliope.


----------



## Kazak

Beep-bump-a-lula,
She's my baby.


----------



## The Doug

I speak English, I learn it from a book.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Took a minute, but I get it now.

Just imagine a car with a Manuel tranmission (shudder).


----------



## SINC

Sybil Fawlty: [Sybil suggests a way to get rid of Manuel's rat] Perhaps it would be simplest to have him put to S-L-E-E-P. 

Basil Fawlty: Who? Him or the rat? I could get a discount if we get them both done. 

Manuel: [suspiciously] Spleep?


----------



## Heart

I can't hear you.... I have a banana in my ear:

Bert and Ernie - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



> Bert: "Hey, you've got a banana in your ear!"
> Ernie: "What?"
> Bert: "I said, YOU'VE GOT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!"
> Ernie: "What? I can't hear you; I've got a banana in my ear!"
> Bert: "Hey, you've got a banana in your ear!"
> Ernie: "I know, I'm keeping the alligator away."
> Bert: "But there aren't any alligators on Sesame Street!"
> Ernie: "I know, it's working!"


----------



## cap10subtext

Mrs. Richards: [to Manuel] Now, listen to me. I have reserved a very quiet room with a bath an a sea view. I specifically asked for a sea view in my written confirmation, so please make sure I have it. 
Manuel: Que? 
Mrs. Richards: Kay? 
Manuel: Si. 
Mrs. Richards: Sea? Kay, sea? What are you trying to say? 
Manuel: No, no, no. Que... what. 
Mrs. Richards: Kay Watt? 
Manuel: Si, que what. 
Mrs. Richards: C.K. Watt? 
Manuel: Yes! 
Mrs. Richards: Is he the manager, Mr. Watt? 
Manuel: Oh, manajer! 
Mrs. Richards: He is? 
Manuel: Ah, Mister Fawlty! 
Mrs. Richards: What? 
Manuel: Fawlty! 
Mrs. Richards: What are you talking about, you silly little man? 

Basil Fawlty: Madam, I don't mean to pry, but do you by any chance have a hearing aid? 
Mrs. Richards: A what? 
Basil Fawlty: A HEARING AID. 
Mrs. Richards: Yes, of course. 
Basil Fawlty: Would you like me to get it mended? 
Mrs. Richards: Mended? It's working perfectly all right. 
Basil Fawlty: No, it isn't. 
Mrs. Richards: I haven't got it switched on at the moment. 
Basil Fawlty: Why not? 
Mrs. Richards: The battery runs down.


----------



## Kazak

... or was that a herring aid?





​


----------



## SINC

Nope, THIS is a herring aid:


----------



## cap10subtext

The return of the fish puns. I shoulda smelt it coming.


----------



## SINC

Well, if you're gonna carp about it . . .


----------



## Kazak

Speaking of fishy things, how about a book written by a fictional character (with the obligatory fish reference)?






​


----------



## cap10subtext

Fish in space? I think you're quacking up.


----------



## Kazak

So, I'm letting my mind follow its own whims, and the first place it takes me to is this:

Is Marvin's pistol designed to disintegrate its target or is it a pistol designed to disintegrate itself?

Then I think that it's very progressive of WB to run a cartoon in the 60s that features two "black" characters.

Then I think that if you removed Marvin's helmet and one glove, he could be Michael Jackson.

Then I think that his disintegrating pistol could be a metaphor.

Then I think that I should rein my brain in and just pay the bills, then go to bed.

The Test thread: it's not just humour, it's therapy.

Mahi-mahi.


----------



## The Doug

Mepthinks pthou pthinkespt _ptoo much!_












beep


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kick back and crack open a bottle of beep.


----------



## cap10subtext

What is this?

The _Best of Test_?

Don't you think this'll cheese off our viewers?


----------



## MasterBlaster

.


----------



## Kazak

cap10subtext said:


> The _Best of Test_?







​
(For those of you who weren't teenagers in the 70s, this is Fester Bestertester.)


----------



## SINC

Just tester:

Reflex Tester


----------



## The Doug

Like, _excellent_.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Does this always happen?


----------



## The Doug

Yes, it doesn't.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Take one of these daily:


----------



## iJohnHenry

In my day, Don Martin was a *GOD*!!!


----------



## The Doug

And yet, Düsseldorf is such an unfunny town.


----------



## cap10subtext

Sez you, Düsseldörke.


----------



## SINC

An unfunny post about funny « Curious Feet St. Louis


----------



## Kazak

iJohnHenry said:


> In my day, Don Martin was a *GOD*!!!


Had this poster on my bedroom wall from the time it was published until I moved out:






​


----------



## cap10subtext

And Now an Onomatopoeic Tribute to Don Martin:

KaflorphWAH-PHOOOM!
PeeeeeeeeewwwwwwDompf!
Scrintz-skrTINCH-SKETUNG!
Klup-klop-kilop-kilop-kadonk.
BAAAZZZAWHAMMMMOOO!!


----------



## The Doug

Birdie num-num.


----------



## Kazak

Quilty!


----------



## Chris

Much softer than regular toilet paper!


----------



## SINC

Ahem, speaking of toilet paper and just in case anyone was wondering:


----------



## Chris

Aahh, but in the woods, is the pope a bear?


----------



## SINC

Nope, in the woods, even the pope knows where the bear poops: "inna da woods".


----------



## cap10subtext

Bless you my child.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Pope wouldn't want to make an ursa things by getting caught.


----------



## Kazak

Ever wonder what he keeps in the hat?


----------



## SINC

Nope. It's the Washington Monument of course.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Ever wonder what he keeps in the hat?


Condoms.


----------



## Chris

Well, better safes than sorry.


----------



## cap10subtext

"Pope! It's time to get up and put on your hat!"
"Eeet's a stoopeed hat!"
"POPE!"
"Alright...! God...!"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Awww. He mitre known he'd have to wear it.


----------



## Kazak

South Park has an explanation, too.


----------



## Kazak

Hi, my name is Kazak, and I'm a testaholic.


----------



## The Doug

I know someone who spent some time in the hospital because his testaholics were really swollen. We bought him a copy of _James And The Giant Peach_ on DVD.


----------



## Trose

Very informative magazine, the National Geographic. Lots of nice pictures.


----------



## SINC

I knew a guy in school whose testaholics were similar to a grape and an egg. He walked tilted to the right and was known as a bit of a chicken.


----------



## Trose

I win!


----------



## The Doug

Better sleep it off.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> I knew a guy in school whose testaholics were similar to a grape and an egg. He walked tilted to the right and was known as a bit of a chicken.


You all know this:

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin
He was not in the least bit scared
to be mashed into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin
His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom
burnt off and his penis... 

but do you remember this, from four years earlier?

They call me Sir Robin the Brave
And history one day will rave 
I'm valiant and daring and noble of bearing
Courageous and gallant, a mountain of talent
No wonder folks curtsy and wave
I'm Robin, Sir Robin the Brave.

If Muppets sued Pythons, would it be settled in kangaroo court?


----------



## Chris

Brave Sir Robin ran away,
Bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head, 
He bravely turned his tail and fled,
Brave Sir Robin turned about, 
He ran away, he chickened out.....

(then the musicians were eaten, and there was much rejoicing)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My bath's full of golf balls.

Please advise soonest.


----------



## The Doug

Cherchez la vache!


----------



## Chris

My hovercraft is full of eels!


----------



## Kazak

The _Strait of Georgia_ is full of feet.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hard to fathom.

Over.


----------



## SINC

Under


----------



## The Doug

Where?


----------



## SINC

No, wear.


----------



## Chris

Underwear?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The netherworld - avoid.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Freebird.


----------



## cap10subtext

Nethermind.


----------



## Kazak

Nether say nether.


----------



## Kazak

Nether say nether again.


----------



## The Doug

I'll be frank. Don't call me Shirley.


----------



## Kazak

Frank?? . . . . Frank!!​


----------



## SINC

Frank's off the radar?


----------



## rgray

Two ladies sharing accommodation at a "retirement" home.

Says one, "Let's be frank with each other."

Says the other, "OK. I'll be Frank with you tonight, you be Frank with me tomorrow."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Two old ladies went for a tramp in the woods.

The tramp died.


----------



## Kazak

"I saw a newspaper picture from the political campaign
A woman was kissing a child, who was obviously in pain
She spills with compassion, as that young child's face in her hands she grips
Can you imagine all that greed and avarice coming down on that child's lips

Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the Lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, I'm trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live long enough to savour
That's when they finally put you in the ground
I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down

When England was the whore of the world, Margaret was her madam
And the future looked as bright and as clear as the black tarmacadam
Well I hope that she sleeps well at night, isn't haunted by every tiny detail
'Cos when she held that lovely face in her hands all she thought of was betrayal

And now the cynical ones say that it all ends the same in the long run
Try telling that to the desperate father who just squeezed the life from his only son
And how it's only voices in your head and dreams you never dreamt
Try telling him the subtle difference between justice and contempt
Try telling me she isn't angry with this pitiful discontent
When they flaunt it in your face as you line up for punishment
And then expect you to say "Thank you" straighten up, look proud and pleased
Because you've only got the symptoms, you haven't got the whole disease
Just like a schoolboy, whose head's like a tin-can, filled up with dreams then poured down the drain
Try telling that to the boys on both sides, being blown to bits or beaten and maimed
Who takes all the glory and none of the shame

Well I hope you live long now, I pray the Lord your soul to keep
I think I'll be going before we fold our arms and start to weep
I never thought for a moment that human life could be so cheap
'Cos when they finally put you in the ground
They'll stand there laughing and tramp the dirt down"

- Elvis Costello


----------



## MissGulch

"My aim is true." -Elvis Costello


----------



## Kazak

Well, since Mr. Krall is so eminently quotable, we'd best move on:

My son is currently trying to balance a box of Kleenex on my head, with some success.


----------



## SINC

YouTube - famous snot video


----------



## The Doug

Snot true!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Greensleeves - the olde songe celebrating the 'solution' to such problems.


----------



## Kazak

Pickin' and a-grinnin'


----------



## The Doug

Seems like more of a wan smile than a grin, to me. But he _is_ holding an instrument of torture so I'm not going to be picky.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of which:


----------



## The Doug

Q: What did the banjo player get on their final math exam in high school?

A: Drool.


----------



## Kazak

Such hostility! I don't mind well-played banjo in small doses. 

Of the thousands of musician jokes out there (How do you know if there's a drummer at the door? The knocking slows down.), this is my favourite:

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Such hostility!


Not quite - here's the scale:


*Hostility*: Accordion
*Disgust*: Yodeling
_*Disdain*: Banjo_
*Ennui*: Harmonica
*Meh*: Gamelan


----------



## SINC

So, where do bagpipes fit?


----------



## iJohnHenry

Up the piper's a.. (ahem, sorry)

Actually I don't mind a nice dirge to the pipes.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Not quite - here's the scale:
> 
> 
> *Hostility*: Accordion
> *Disgust*: Yodeling
> _*Disdain*: Banjo_
> *Ennui*: Harmonica
> *Meh*: Gamelan


Of the above, yodeling is the only one I actively avoid. For me, bagpipes have no place on this list (I like them). The categories themselves are quite useful, though, and could be employed in a variety of contexts, for instance:

Days of the week (YMMV)

Hostility: Wednesday
Disgust: Monday
Disdain: Tuesday
Ennui: Thursday
Meh: Sunday

Interior painting trends

Hostility: anything between olive and brown (including brown)
Disgust: red
Disdain: different-coloured walls in the same room
Ennui: white
Meh: sponge painting

Vancouver newspapers

Hostility: Province
Disgust: Province
Disdain: Province
Ennui: Sun
Meh: Sun


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I flatly refuse, under any and all circumstances, to thole, let alone entertain, anything other than total admiration for the North Pole.

You can keep your South Pole.


----------



## Kazak

"You can keep your Eldorados
And the foreign car's absurd
Me I wanna go down
In a Silver Thunderbird"

- Marc Cohn


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## iJohnHenry




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

Today's Test Thread is brought to you by the letter Q, and the number 9050731444487535430812.012.


----------



## SINC

NerdTests.com Fun Tests - Nerd Quiz


----------



## Kazak

Version 1 (the one SINC pointed to):








Version 2 (at the bottom of Version 1):








All I can say is that for me to score in the 3rd percentile of awkwardness, their standards for being socially well-adjusted must be VERY low.

Any other middle-aged Uber Cool Nerd Kings out there?


----------



## rgray

Nerd score = 88%

High-middle age...


----------



## SINC

Nerd Score = 13.


----------



## rgray

SINC said:


> Nerd Score = 13.


Also, high-middle age...


----------



## iJohnHenry

Too nerdy *to* score.









EDIT: OK, I did it, just for the hell of it.


49% scored higher (more nerdy),
1% scored the same, and 
50% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

Somewhat nerdy. I mean face it, you are nerdier than about half the test takers.


----------



## Kazak

Not really happy with the word "nerdy." How about

nerdish?
nerdesque?
nerduous?

Other suggestions? (I know this is a nerdy line of thinking.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

nerdical
nerdial
nerdic
nerdilinquent


----------



## The Doug

One of my favourite Stephen King books is _Nerdful Things_.


----------



## Kazak

All You Nerd is Love by The Nerdles
When I Nerd You by Nerdo Sayer
I Nerd to be in Love by The Carpetnerds


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nerdo
Nerdas
Nerdat
Nerdamus
Nerdatis
Nerdant


----------



## SINC

Nerdo dot Net | We Feel your Pain! • Index page


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nerdat's nerdy!


----------



## iJohnHenry

Nerdatitis.


----------



## rgray

Nerdology - study of nerdism, nerdicity


----------



## SINC

'Tis a gift, 
To be nerdy

'Tis a gift, 
To be geek

'Tis a gift, 
To gab 
With other Klingon freaks

And when 
We find ourselves 
In the place 
Just right

It will be 
In the basement 
Away 
From the light

When 
True 
Nerdicity is gained

To pick nose in public will not give us shame.


----------



## Kazak

Haiku:

nerdy nerdy nerd
nerdy nerdy nerdy nerd
nerdy nerdy nerd


----------



## iJohnHenry

Full frontal nerdity.


----------



## Kazak

No nerds is good nerds.


----------



## SINC

Theme song by Nerdvana?


----------



## Kazak

You've got a lot of nerd to bring them up.


----------



## The Doug

You buncha


----------



## bryanc

I know a lot of people way nerdier than I am, but my nerd score was:


----------



## bryanc

I guess it's not really that bad... I took the second test and got this:


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## rgray

*How prepared are you for a zombie outbreak?*

Enough with the nerds. Back to practical matters!  

How prepared are you for a zombie outbreak? Take the test.


----------



## Kazak

B D F C and B.

Remind me not to get injured around or need help from rgray.


----------



## The Doug

*Reminder:* do not get injured around** or need help from rgray.

**Whatever _injured around_ means - must be something specific to zombie invasions?


----------



## SINC

YouTube - Eibmoz (Trailer)


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> *Reminder:* do not get injured around** or need help from rgray.
> 
> **Whatever _injured around_ means - must be something specific to zombie invasions?


Fair enough. I thought that, although informal, it was an effective and succinct way to say "injured in the vicinity of." I didn't occur to me that it could become a Rodney Dangerfield joke: 

When I get injured around rgray, I get injured _around_ rgray.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Chris

Hercules - what a lot of bull!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

When do the Olympics start?


----------



## Kazak

The Olympics have been postponed until the end of WWII. Rumour has it that the '48 Games will be held in London. More wild rumours include the following:

- the Jewish people will get a country of their own
- Newfoundland (and Labrador) will join Confederation
- the worst American president ever will be born in 1946


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That'll give Team GB time to prepare for the ferret bagging competition. I hear that training will be accompanied by a diet of lard and turnips.


----------



## Kazak

Bangers and mash.


----------



## The Doug

And mushy peas.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cow heel & tripe.

Mmmmmm ....


----------



## SINC

Beef tongue:


----------



## Kazak

Too much tongue!


----------



## Chris

More cowbell!


----------



## rgray

SINC said:


> Beef tongue:


My British Mum used to do a gelled tongue which was excellent - very, very tender. Sandwiches made from leftovers were also great and nobody wanted to mooch them!


----------



## SINC

rgray said:


> My British Mum used to do a gelled tongue which was excellent - very, very tender. Sandwiches made from leftovers were also great and nobody wanted to mooch them!


Yep, sounds familiar. I still love head cheese sandwiches and believe it or not, no one steals them outta my fridge.


----------



## Kazak

Hey you kids, get outta that Jello tree!


----------



## rgray

*Smart or Stupid - take the test......*

smartorstoopid

29 

58.5% smarter than average.


----------



## Kazak

Sigh, 24.
31.1% averager than smart.


----------



## The Doug

This thread has taken a turn for the wurst.


----------



## SINC

*Liver* wurst that is.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Spam!


----------



## HowEver




----------



## SINC

Ah yes, SPAM, the wurst luncheon meat ever.


----------



## iJohnHenry

I scored 23.

And who gives a rip about who sang what??


----------



## Chris

I got 27. Of course, I know NOTHING about rap 'n crap, so there was no way I was going to get a perfect score!

I'm perversely proud of that, actually!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Plato also once said, "Shut up, Socrates. Baywatch is starting."


----------



## The Doug

They certainly give very strange names to diseases.


----------



## Kazak

What do you want from a guy who died from an overdose of wedlock?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Yep, that's an overdose alright.


----------



## Kazak

I'd hate to see the groom.


----------



## SINC

Jim Groom: Killer Goats, Zombie Bikers & the Saga of Room 36,


----------



## Kazak

Just keep him in the groom closet.


----------



## The Doug

I can't remember what I was going to say.


----------



## rgray

The Doug said:


> I can't remember what I was going to say.


I was all ready to reply to what you forgot you were going to say!!


----------



## gastonbuffet

i know what you were going to say.......do you kiss your mom with that mouth????


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent.


----------



## rgray

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent.


It goes without saying!


----------



## SINC

Zip


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ummm ...

Whereof we cannot zip, thereof we must be zipped.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ummm ...
> 
> Whereof we cannot zip, thereof we must be zipped.


Indeed, we should be . . .


----------



## Kazak

de





​


----------



## The Doug

Jag var där en gång.


----------



## Kazak

I suppose you had been _nimes_ing to go there for awhile.

I trust the experience was not too de_nimes_ing.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A Doug by any other Nimes


----------



## gastonbuffet

The problem was when i waved at him, he only saw my index.


----------



## The Doug

The Doug abides.


----------



## Kazak

The Doukhobors





​


----------



## rgray

Kazak said:


> The Doukhobors​


the Doughobor.


----------



## The Doug

The Doukhobors in their true state, as psychedelic intergalactic Energy Beings.


----------



## cap10subtext

It'th all sthparkly.


----------



## SINC

Sthparkly and Hthutch?


----------



## Kazak

Here are two more psychedelic intergalactic Energy Beings:






​


----------



## The Doug

Yep, they're psychedelic, but I don't think they're intergalactic - more like panspatial or perhaps just metaplanetary. Magnificent seasonal plumage though.


----------



## Chris

And what is your favourite colour?


----------



## Kazak

+ 






 = ?


----------



## Chris

African or European?


----------



## The Doug

Forrest Lawrenceton.


----------



## Kazak

Bob Loblaw.


----------



## SINC




----------



## iJohnHenry

Grouse??

(Never shot at one. Never would.)


----------



## rgray

iJohnHenry said:


> Grouse??
> 
> (Never shot at one. Never would.)


Quail.... Northern *Bob*white Quail.


----------



## SINC

Bob Loblaw begets Bobwhite. Simple.


----------



## iJohnHenry

Simon. tptptptp


----------



## rgray

> Quail for a King
> 
> 6 quail, cleaned
> 1/2 tsp. salt
> 1/2 tsp. pepper
> 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
> Vegetable oil
> 2 1/2 cups chicken broth
> 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
> 1/2 tsp poultry seasoning
> 1 tbsp plus 1 tsp. molasses
> 1 clove garlic, pressed
> 1 tsp orange juice
> 4 med. carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces
> 2 stalks celery, cut into 2-inch pieces
> 1/4 lb. fresh mushrooms
> 2 green onions
> 1/2 cup dry sherry
> 
> Sprinkle quail with salt and pepper; dredge in flour. Brown quail on both sides in hot oil in a large, heavy skillet. Remove quail and drain off oil; return quail to skillet.
> 
> Combine next 6 ingredients, mixing well; pour over quail. Reduce heat; cover and cook 30 minutes.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

Ahem. Reminds me of those "Merry Monk" novelty toys, which served up something other than pie.


----------



## Chris

Haasenpfeffer?


----------



## iJohnHenry

Incorporated?


----------



## Kazak

Penny for your Marshalled thoughts?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"I don't care who your brother is, you're two seconds away from wearing this bowling ball."


----------



## rgray

Clean up that SUV!


----------



## Kazak

What's the tongue weight on that thing?

OR

Knees up, Mother Brown.


----------



## The Doug

I just want to know, what have you done with my three-handled moss-covered family credenza?


----------



## Kazak

I would not, could not, with a goat.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Just Granny:


----------



## Kazak

Just Grammy:





​


----------



## The Doug

Just Grammer:


----------



## iJohnHenry

Just desserts. :-(


----------



## SINC

Just desert:


----------



## iJohnHenry

Desert storm.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Your hosts:






and


----------



## The Doug

The one on the left is one of Henry Moore's later works which marked a stunning and unexpected new direction to his creative genius, while the one on the right is an elk - not Anne Elk; just an elk.


----------



## Kazak

And, of course, if you are a follower of hers, you are an AnneElkist.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or maybe ...


----------



## The Doug

Brabo! Encore! Encore!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Brabo!


Brabo was, of course, the sixth Marx Brother.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Banned from playing cards for looking at other folks' hands.


----------



## The Doug

Hansel? _Hansel?_


----------



## Kazak

Car-bo-nite!​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Overpriced,
overrated,
over the lake.

(shades of Rowing and Marten)


----------



## iJohnHenry

Kazak said:


> (shades of Rowing and Marten)


???










Take a bippy from petty cash.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Your hosts:
> View attachment 6090
> and
> View attachment 6091


Just one page back, iJH.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nothing but repeats on TV these days.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*North East Fife Council Dept of Roads, Logic and Metaphysics*










*Discuss.*


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Anything interesting happen lately?


----------



## The Doug

I refuse to discuss it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Omertà. Very wise.


----------



## kps

> I refuse to discuss it.


Why not?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The cape was just for show. Rodrigo was actually spotting the bull's headstand (hornstand?) attempt.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I think they're made for each other. Pot roast meets powder puff.


----------



## SINC

Now you've gone and made me hungry.


----------



## The Doug

Now _that's_ a meal fit for Major Matt Mason.


----------



## Kazak

. . . or Major Major Major Major.


----------



## The Doug

Now _that's_ one fake moustache. If I cross my eyes it's _two_ fake moustaches.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Rock Lobster

Kazak said:


> View attachment 6290​


Beercap


----------



## SINC

Recap:


----------



## Kazak

"Recap.":lmao: 

beer/cap divided by beard/cap = (approx.)





​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Ah yes, the Skipper and Gilligan.


----------



## Kazak

"Wanna take a bath?"


----------



## SINC

Uh, no thanks . . .


----------



## iJohnHenry

Wet pussy.


----------



## Kazak

Yet another entry for the ehMac misspelling Hal of Fam.


----------



## Kazak

iJohnHenry said:


> Wet pussy.


I woke up this morning with a feeling of despair
I looked for my pussy but my pussy wasn't there
Well, well, well
My cat fell in the well
Oh puss puss puss poor kitty kitty kitty
My cat fell in the well

I got out a ladder and I climbed down to my pet
I saw in a jiffy that my puss was soakin' wet
Well, well, well
My cat fell in the well
Oh puss puss puss poor kitty kitty kitty
My cat fell in the well

The doggone hole by the pump
Once she pushed, and in she jumped
There never was a kitty half as pretty
As the pussy that fell in the well

There never was a pussy that could quite compare with her
Pretty as a picture with her long and silky fur
Well, well, well
My cat fell in the well
Oh pussy pussy pussy poor kitty kitty kitty
My cat fell in the well

If you have a pussy that you wouldn't trade or sell
Never let her wander or she might fall in a well
Well, well, well
My cat fell in the well
Oh puss puss puss poor kitty kitty kitty
My cat fell in the well
Fell in the - well!


----------



## iJohnHenry

"The Dog Song"

by Nellie McKay

I'm just a walkin' my dog
Singin' my song
Strollin' along
Yeah it's just me and my dog
Catchin' some sun
We can't go wrong

My life was lonely and blue
Yeah I was sad as a sailor
I was an angry 'un too
Then there was you
Appeared, when I was entangled
With youth, and fear, and nerves
Jingle jangle
Vermouth and beer
Were gettin' me mangled up

But then I looked in your eyes
And I was no more a failure
You looked so wacky and wise
And I said, lord I'm happy 
'cause I'm just a walkin' my dog
Singin' my song
Strollin' along
It's just me and my dog
Catchin' some sun
We can't go wrong
'cause I don't care 'bout your hatin' and your doubt
And I don't care what the politicians spout
If you wanna companion
Well just go right to the pound
And find yourself a hound
And make that doggie proud
'cause that's what it's all about

My life was tragic and sad
Yeah I was the archetypal loser
I was a pageant gone bad
Then there was you on time
And wagging your tail
In the cutest mime
And you was in jail
I said woof, be mine
And you gave a wail
And then I was no longer alone
And I was no more a boozer
We'll make the happiest home
And I said lord I'm happy 
'cause I'm just a walkin' my dog
Singin' my song
Strollin' along
It's just me and my dog
Catchin' some sun
We can't go wrong
'cause I don't care 'bout your hatin' and your doubt
And I don't care what the politicians spout
If you need a companion
Well just go right to the pound
And find yourself a hound
And make that doggie proud
'cause that's what it's all about
That's what it's all about
That's what it's all abow-wow-wow-wout
That's what it's all about​


----------



## The Doug

*Capsule Beer Review*

*FAIL*


----------



## Kazak

Kudos on the succinctness of your review, but the ehMac beer drinkers out there might appreciate a more detailed discussion, and it might be therapeutic for you. This is your chance to hurl some invective, especially if that's not the only hurling involved with this beer.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

"Warriors . . . " (clink clink) "come out to pla--ay." (clink clink)


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Barbara Amiel?


----------



## rgray

Challenge Your Brain


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

"No, you silly scarecrow. You press Play on Dark Side of the Moon after the lion roars the _third_ time, not the first time."


----------



## The Doug

Klaatu barada nikto.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"Let the girls gather in their slacks
To talk about husbands' hairy backs..."

- Colin Moulding


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Python + Jobs = Think Completely Different

For instance, a computer with three buttocks. (the MacButt Pro?)


----------



## SINC

Two faced:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Electrons! They're always _so_ negative and hard to pin down.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Exactly!


----------



## Kazak

Precisely!


----------



## The Doug

Crispy eel!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Tripe 'n onions.

Easy on the onions.


----------



## Chris

c-h-e-e-s-e-a-n-d-o-n-i-o-n, cheese and onion


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I suppose if an onion loses an electron it becomes an onionion.

This isn't too far fetched - in the Large Hadron Collider they bombarded onions with turnips, after all. Buggered up the magnets something awful so I hear.


----------



## The Doug

They should have stuck to the original plan, which was to prove (or disprove) the existence of France. The experiment was to entail colliding flan with crème brulée at approximately seventeen km/hr. So creamy and delicious, magnet-friendly, and best accompanied by a nice, lightly-chilled Sauterne.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cecilia n'est pas une pipe.


----------



## Kazak

Tres bien :lmao: , you quaffler des Snapples.


----------



## The Doug

Nu säga den i Spansk.


----------



## Chris

The real LHC
:lmao:


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Nu säga den i Spansk.


I realized later that I didn't even say it right in French, so I'm going to quit while I'm behind.

WARNING: Spoiler below!

Chris, here are some more candidates for the LHC. The sooner the better:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

No room at the inn ....


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Scenes like this will be more common as we make the transition to methane as a fuel source.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Atom Heart (Methane) Mother


----------



## The Doug

You Tarzan, Me Thane?


----------



## Kazak

I gas so.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Me Tarzan, he Liam.


----------



## Kazak

Me kill 'em, you barium.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've been giving this a great deal of thought, and it seems the divvying up of the workload here is a bit disproportionate.


----------



## The Doug

That doesn't sound like a great deal to me.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I've been giving this a great deal of thought, and it seems the divvying up of the workload here is a bit disproportionate.


So we should unionize?

"Test" Posters Local 771?

Save ourselves from merciless exploitation by . . . by . . . um . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My demands include the free use of a spade, supplied.


----------



## The Doug

Unionise? No, I'd much prefer that we form an anarcho-syndicalist collective. Wait, a kleptophobic somnambulant anarcho-syndicalist gourmand collective.


----------



## MissGulch

Let's put our collective minds and energies together and build pajamas.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Miss G., I don't know how to make pajamas, but I do know how to make a pair of slippers out of four banana peels.


----------



## Kazak

Looks like it's time for "Revenge of the Doxies." Better check your shoes.

Their thoughts (clockwise from left):

"Someday it'll be your turn, hairless one."
"Save me, please."
"At least you could have covered my face."
"Does this make my butt look big?"


----------



## Dr.G.

Good one, Kazak. You shall be spared.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Merry Testmas and a Testy New Year to all the contributors to and readers of this thread. You people are a testament to bad puns, you attest to non-linear thinking, and you testify to the importance of keeping others smiling.
> 
> I have notest and enjoyed your humour this past year.
> 
> Remember, we're #3 (-ish), but we're funnier.


A year later, and we're still #3, but three's a magic number. Supposedly, all of Canada lies under a blanket of white tonight, so let us turn our thoughts to the beauty of the _test_icles hanging from eaves and bumpers across the country. Admire them, but don't break them off!


----------



## The Doug

Help. Jane. Stop this crazy thing. Help. Jane.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is it Spring yet?


----------



## The Doug

No, I think they're still using rubber bump stops.


----------



## Kazak

The wonderful thing about Tiggers . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... their coefficients of restitution.


----------



## The Doug

Yeah but there's still nothing better for the soul than an inelastic collision.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Winston Churchill thought much the same. When he wasn't bladdered on brandy, that is.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or was it Cardinal Newman?


----------



## The Doug

No, I think Churchill drank brandy exclusively.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Like the inelastic fish that he surely was.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I always kipper close eye out for big fish in the neighbourhood.


----------



## Kazak

see posts #1940 to #2049 (at least)

I think there's a grouper punsters here, swimming in circles.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> see posts #1940 to #2049 (at least)
> 
> I think there's a grouper punsters here, swimming in circles.


Hmmm. I'll mullet over.


----------



## SINC

OK, I'm in a bit of a pickeral as to what to do.


----------



## The Doug

*cheese*


----------



## Kazak

Which, the record shows, is where we went after fish.

Maybe it's time for dessert.


----------



## The Doug

*pavlova*


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> *pavlova*


"Oo, la pavlova blanca,
I'm just a dessert in the sky"

I drool just thinking about it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> *pavlova*


Pavlova?

Is that an anagram of Obama? You'll have to help me out here, I'm floundering a bit.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, Barack Pavlova, the first meringue-ish President of the United States.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Yes, Barack Pavlova, the first meringue-ish President of the United States." No, John Quincy Adams was the first.


----------



## Kazak

Applish or pearish maybe, but meringuish?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Applish. They're the West Virginia branch of the Pennsylvania Dutch?


----------



## Kazak

The Applish: famous for sticking to core values, keeping the flesh covered, and being suspicious of windfalls.


----------



## Dr.G.

"The Applish: famous for sticking to core values, keeping the flesh covered, and being suspicious of windfalls." Don't forget being suspicious of gravity.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As Izzy Newton himself said, "One small apple for a man, one giant lump for my mind."


----------



## Kazak

Izzy Newton?
I don't know. I never looked.

Izzy had three sisters: Fig (who married a guy named Christie), Juice (a singer), and Olivia (who, sadly, married a guy who frequented prostitutes).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... a guy who frequented prostitutes.


So is she Olivia Newton-John or is he?

I think we should be told.


----------



## Kazak

And you probably want olive the truth, not just some parts, right? I think that's what pimento say.


----------



## Dr.G.

I thought Olive was a reindeer, as in "Olive, the other reindeer, used to to laugh and call him names .........."


----------



## Kazak

Or, as Albert said to Victoria, "How long were you planning to reign, dear?"


----------



## Chris

Reign drops keep falling on my head......


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sasha Distellation of wit we have.


----------



## SINC

Be a shame to be wit out it.


----------



## rgray

*See yourself as others see you..*

See yourself as others see you...

Devolve me - Charles Darwin - The Open University


----------



## Kazak

Chapter 18: The Soldier Who Saw Everything Twice


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Dr. Demento says, _yum_!


----------



## SINC

Yummier.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I swear, I'll never eat another blue Smartie in my life!


----------



## The Doug

And now, here's Kazak at the piano.


----------



## MissGulch

le Doug marionette.


----------



## Kazak

la Marion dougette


----------



## The Doug

MazterCBlazter said:


> That was weird even by my standards.  XX)
> 
> Encore!





MissGulch said:


> le Doug marionette.



Alright, you have summoned Pete The Meat Puppet, whom the squeamish don't like.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## MissGulch

le meat VCR.


----------



## Kazak

Pete the Meatles!






​


----------



## The Doug

Antiquing?


----------



## Kazak

We're still here.


----------



## SINC

Them too:


----------



## Kazak

And I thought Virginia was for lovers.


----------



## MissGulch

I'm naked under my clothes. heh-heh


----------



## SINC

MissGulch said:


> I'm naked under my clothes. heh-heh


What a coincidence. Me too! :heybaby:


----------



## Kazak

It's much more interesting to be naked under someone else's clothes, or to have someone else be naked under your clothes.


----------



## SINC

Oh, really?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Next!


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That penguin's got talent. I can't do that.


----------



## Kazak

"Stand still. It's our only hope."

(That line makes me laugh out loud every time.)


----------



## The Doug

Yeah, but - _antiquing?_


----------



## MissGulch

A pickle tsunami!


----------



## Kazak

Your choices include

punk calamities
pancake stimuli
nuke capitalism (my favourite)
impatiens caulk
suckle a timpani
maniac kelp suit
puck is laminate


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Tough choices here:
Pickle tsunami or pancake stimuli.

Reminds me of a conversation I once had with a native of Old Amsterdam.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Reminds me of a conversation I once had with a native of Old Amsterdam.


Must be quite disconcerting to speak to someone wearing a maniac kelp suit.


----------



## MissGulch

Kelp! I need somebody! Kelp! Not just anybody, Kelp!


----------



## Kazak

With a little kelp from my friends.

Kelp me make it through the night.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Must be quite disconcerting to speak to someone wearing a maniac kelp suit.


Couldn't make out a thing he was saying. He had his finger in a **** at the time. Ran out of kelp I suppose. It would never stand up in court without a good advocaat, though.


----------



## The Doug

Forget the kelp. This is what I want.


----------



## Kazak

$24,500 US. What would you have it say?


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> $24,500 US. What would you have it say?



Dawg! Yo' mama know yo' been wastin' yo' money like dis?

Take me to the President. I have an important message from Elvis.

You shoulda bought kelp instead.

Affirmative. You look fat in that.

Darling, not now please.

J'ai perdu le dos de ma clarinette.

T'es dinde mon tabarnac de câlisse.

_Any many more!_


----------



## Kazak

A worthy list, oh Dougish one.

Some other humble suggestions:

- the Pilsbury Dough Boy giggle
- Kiss my shiny metal ass.
- Antiquing? (just kidding)
- You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie, then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth because you always lie... illogical! Illogical! Please explain! You are human; only humans can explain! Illogical!
- I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that, Doug.
- Figure it out yourself, Will *&$*&@# Robinson!


----------



## SINC

This thread is really beginning to, well, _*test*_ me.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Dougish


Strange, I always thought I was _Dougful_.


----------



## Dr.G.

The world is full of Dougfulness today .............. and it is a better place for this reality. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ask not what your country can Doug for you - ask what you can Doug for your country.


----------



## Dr.G.

Forget the coalition ................ Doug for PM ............... or, The First Canadian President???


----------



## Kazak

Here's a sneak peek at this year's nominees for Best Picture Oscar:

Doug Day Afternoon
My Life as a Doug
Reservoir Dougs
Monty Python's Life of Doug
A Doug at the Races


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Slumdoug Millionaire?


----------



## The Doug

Doughnuts.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bring Me The Head of Alfredoug Garcia.


----------



## Kazak

He's up for Emmys, too:

Dougie Howser, MD
Jeopardoug!
Dougxter
DougLU-5 (say it out loud)
Dougs of our Lives


----------



## MissGulch

Goldduggers of 1933


----------



## Kazak

One dark and stormy night, a knight rode up to an inn and asked the innkeeper for a fresh horse to replace the tired one he had been riding. The innkeeper said, “All I have is this large, shaggy Doug.”
“I must continue my quest,” said the knight, “I’ll ride your Doug!”
“Are you kidding?” the innkeeper said, “I wouldn’t send a knight out on a Doug like this!”


----------



## MissGulch

Wag The Doug.


----------



## Dr.G.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doug.
Doug who?


----------



## Kazak

Doug the bathtub, I'm dwowning.


----------



## SINC

Walkin' the Doug.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Doug be not proud, though some have called thee 
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so, 
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow, 
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me."

My apologies to John Donne


----------



## Kazak

Apologies to Bill, too:

(Juliet was 3 years old when she was weaned)
For I had then laid wormwood to my Doug,
Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;
My lord and you were then at Mantua -
Nay, I do bear a brain - but, as I said,
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple
Of my Doug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,
To see it tetchy and fall out with the Doug!

Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. Act I, Scene 3


----------



## Dr.G.

And Doug's spirit, ranging for revenge, 
With Ate by his side come hot from hell, 
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice 
Cry 'Kazak,' and let slip the dogs of war.


----------



## Kazak

LehMacdies and GentlehMacmen, 

After some very crude Photoshopping, I give you . . . 

Dougter G.









He wishes you peace with a hand buzzer.​


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> LehMacdies and GentlehMacmen,
> 
> After some very crude Photoshopping, I give you . . .
> 
> Dougter G.
> 
> View attachment 6838
> 
> 
> He wishes you peace with a hand buzzer.​


I hereby dub him "Twoug".


----------



## Dr.G.

Let's see, there was Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, Zeppo and Dougo. Yes, they were the six Marx brothers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Which snack food is represented here?


----------



## Dr.G.

A Calgary Stampede corn dog?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Comin' up ...


----------



## Kazak

I know some women go for guys in uniform, but that's a lot of colonels.


----------



## Dr.G.

Excellent play on words, Kazak. You pass the test.


----------



## Kazak

I had a prof at SFU who left the teaching to his TAs, and spent his lectures telling us stories about "Bullmer," which I eventually figured out was Baltimore. The second time I took one of his courses, I stopped attending lectures after the first session (which I attended just to ensure that his "style" hadn't changed). The final exam, twelve weeks later, was in the same theatre the lectures had been, but, after arriving just minutes before exam time, I discovered two things:
1. I could not remember which room the course, and by extension, the exam was in.
2. I could not find a posted list of exam rooms.

Trial and error saved the day, of course, but not without some embarrassment and interruption of other people's exams.

I passed that test, too.


----------



## The Doug

That's why you've never seen a unicorn to this very day.


----------



## Dr.G.

"That's why you've never seen a unicorn to this very day." True, but we can still sing about unicorns. Paix, mon ami.

YouTube - The Irish Rovers - The Unicorn - 45 RPM


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's not so difficult if you try.

I was in The Unicorn, along with my wife and daughter two weeks ago, having a beer and a three handed game of cribbage.


----------



## Kazak

What do you do with your third hand when you're not playing crib?

Never mind, I don't want to know.


----------



## SINC

Baby Born In Bay Area With 12 Functioning Fingers, 12 Toes


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> What do you do with your third hand when you're not playing crib?
> 
> Never mind, I don't want to know.


Well, tant pis!

Pegging. That's what. Shocking that a feller has to expose himself in such a fashion ...

(Aw dang! Burnt myself again.)


----------



## Kazak

"I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um"

I was so innocent when that song came out. Those were the days.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Two little boys had two little toys ... "

Well ...


----------



## The Doug

Inte klicka här.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Would participants please keep to the words on the songsheet. Phthank you.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Alphfred E. Pneuman rocks.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Alphfred E. Pneuman rocks.


Phriggin' write!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Phriggin' write!


Sheesh! Well ... OK.

Of fortgangande bemillam of in betekameren sinro Godes golt hande bekerund schalke in hoi. An weh woorth in wisduon sulum hoi ist sulum Godes geweldig cund. Drusten selvon mundis sina werildi, solon gelicum herta festi, loupom um, mendida sina dinicero rata, geberge worthin gewisso. Wie drusten wie erthon wort sint werthon rechtlika, that begerlika fan withirlon getruuin rehta naht an. Sia sinro furkundit he dinicero, allere thinro nachti gehugenisse, wort in minin iro woorth an. Fatliendi begerlika ogum, withirloop woorth giwari rehta geberge thin minis behuodende gihorda, thin minin fan misdadi. Tegenwoordicheyt werildi noh luzzundon, gihorda nachti thero geweldig, fan fortha drusten ind Godes. Erthon werildis he fremetgon erthon guodlikheyt festi an fan iro beholenen Godes guodlikheyt. Nachti hemiln ropizot ik, sulum rehta iro noh misdadin erthon. Hertin meistero minis also min um gewisso fan behodit in virnimit fremetgon an. Wezen in mi, wort misdadi, solon durtikin. Wie giwari sunum fan. Wie gelicum, werildis withirlon suottera also dach cund. Stein mundis himili gelicum endron, werk wezen vilo? Fuor erthon dages Godes in geblithande tegenwoordicheyt endron sig rechtlika rata, also stein un durtikin geberge mi werildis hertin. Un fan fremetgon fan sina, an minis Godes fortgangande mi wie spraken. Schuni fan gebot thin, in rehta, worthin ist? Noh betekameren, tegenwoordicheyt ut fan, ut thero, sulum selitha Irlihtende sie tegenwoordicheyt herta beholenen ne furkundit brudegomo geberge hemiln ut fan. Te in wrisil, heilig wistuom brudegomo an withirloop thenin drusten godes, herta geweldig noh ropizot begerlika than endron, fatliendi ropizot luzzundon. Geblithande, scal hertin vilo minis werildi. Ovir dages in suottera, fuor ewa in drusten schuni an, fan in wort tegenwoordicheyt te, bemillam an ne werildi. Behodit tegenwoordicheyt in sin. In wistuom In furkundit rata hande than fan hitte wort wesen. Hertin erthon un rehta endron ogum gihorda in golt schuni selim wistuom gewisso diroma ringis drusten, sinro in an selitha fortgangande spraken ne, in solon werthon fan hoon min weh werthon dinicero ik, Irlihtende rechtlika. Thin sinro urkuntschap ut drusten in Irlihtende minis um an drusten schalc suottera. Schuni, an in mikil thero drusten allere, mundis loupom an, ewa stemmen suottera ist ik mikil untes. Wesen ginathe ovir werthon sia nachti, thenin werthon minin iro im. Minin sin loupom sin wezen Godes satta herta. Sint wie of spraken erthon durtikin fan hoon sig ropizot godes an stemmen werildis weh gelicum. Mendida, an meistero wesen withirloop fan endron sie dages werildis spraken. Wesen woorth ik stemmen brudegomo untes fortgangande, behodit schalke selvon ne endron wisduon solon ne giwari. Bemillam in, beholenen betekameren geberge, wisduon thenin hemiln. Mendida herta gelicum thinro hoi minis in minin rehta noh wesen spraken an satta, gehugenisse mi suottera hoon geblithande. Selvon an, the geberge in un, guodlikheyt withirloop hoon ne. Fatliendi, meistero drusten begerlika in getruuin, the brudegomo gebot werthon withirloop in rehta dages betekameren fan, beholenen withirloop wesen bemillam suottera schalke, dages um spraken fan utgant spraken. Rehta sunum honog than weh rechtlika an geblithande un withirloop. Erthon giwari Godes, fan selitha fan heilig, also fortha hande he heilig sinro schuni. Of in wisduon festi mi naht cund in Godes geweldig geblithande getruuin that tellunt. Im ginathe rechtlika himili, allere getruuin sin fan in weh, gewisso sunum suottera wesen. Meistero werildi in nachti ginathe sin un. Godes over, tegenwoordicheyt hoi spraken werildi thin solon durtikin, stein an mundis sie, weh himili ut fan suottera fan. Geberge solon stein rata sinro fan withirloop withirlon heilig ind also wie, fan hemiln sulum withirloop rechtlika, an ik hoi dinicero? Hemiln In mundis wort mendida rechtlika sig, Godes hande festi behuodende. Suottera fatliendi rehnussi diroma. Sig geweldig naht min erthon thin misdadin gebot betekameren mundis werk fan te mendida iro solon thero, gelicum fortha hande also um. Misdadin gewisso, scal In schalke sinro erthon scal also in, godes werthon in. Ogum un geblithande sinro beholenen loupom mendida. Spraken In brudegomo wrisil behuodende sinro gihorda werk, iro sinro rehnussi giwari cund hertin honog, wie ne getruuin. Bemillam cund sunum in hemiln fan. Hoon rehnussi heilig naht noh in, ut begerlika himili, diroma werk sinro ringis. Godes ne geberge sin loupom werildis an drusten spraken, Godes werthon, scal mendida werildi. Gihorda sig in bemillam hoi bekerund ne an woorth, behodit nachti, fuor tellunt. Sinro brudegomo behodit sinro, ne sint ind, sinro an in geberge minis Godes wrisil guodlikheyt te schalc withirloop sin. Sunum Godes utgant an in ropizot an beholenen minin. Of volwonende, hemiln guodlikheyt thero werildis the ropizot, ut wezen un naht werthon ind meistero bemillam sulum loupom. In gihorda solon ogum wort mi virnimit bemillam fan thenin fan guodlikheyt furkundit, ropizot Godes thero sinro ginathe min hitte in an himili min. Selim Godes than tegenwoordicheyt stemmen in ogum schalc in werk bemillam erthon rechtlika thero wort guodlikheyt min fan behuodende. Werildi iro, hertin he minis noh herta in spraken sinro dach fan. Ovir schalke, gebot withirloop bemillam diroma geblithande giwari ne werk begerlika tellunt rehnussi in untes sinro honog, gewisso tegenwoordicheyt ewa ringis. Sinro ind suottera werthon behodit ogum an rata ne, hitte sin herta Godes. Sia gebot iro mi fan erthon mundis giwari an stein ne urkuntschap geberge diroma betekameren rehnussi wisduon volwonende. Geberge, behodit he ne werildis betekameren Godes ik drusten In fan ind hertin, ind wisduon ist in hoon festi, dages selim suottera.

Got to stop now. Sprained wrist.


----------



## SINC

I'm surprised you didn't strain your brain righting that stuff.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

I removed the letters b,c,d,g,h,i,j,k,m,o,t,v,w,x,y,z hoping that the secret message "Snapple Quaffer rules" would emerge. Instead, I got this:

f franane ella f n eeaeren snr es l ane eerun sale n . An e r n sun sulu s sulu es eel un. rusen seln uns sna erl, sln elu era fes, lup u, ena sna ner raa, eere rn ess. e rusen e ern r sn ern rela, a eerla fan rln eruun rea na an. Sa snr furun e ner, allere nr na euensse, r n nn r r an. Falen eerla u, rlp r ar rea eere n ns euene ra, n nn fan sa. eenre erl n luunn, ra na er eel, fan fra rusen n es. Ern erls e freen ern ule fes an fan r elenen es ule. Na eln rp , sulu rea r n san ern. ern eser ns als n u ess fan e n rn freen an. een n , r sa, sln urn. e ar sunu fan. e elu, erls rln suera als a un. Sen uns l elu enrn, er een l? Fur ern aes es n elane eenre enrn s rela raa, als sen un urn eere erls ern. Un fan freen fan sna, an ns es franane e spraen. Sun fan e n, n rea, rn s? N eeaeren, eenre u fan, u er, sulu sela rlene se eenre era elenen ne furun rue eere eln u fan. e n rsl, el su rue an rlp enn rusen es, era eel n rp eerla an enrn, falen rp luunn. elane, sal ern l ns erl. r aes n suera, fur ea n rusen sun an, fan n r eenre e, ella an ne erl. e eenre n sn. n su n furun raa ane an fan e r esen. ern ern un rea enrn u ra n l sun sel su ess ra rns rusen, snr n an sela franane spraen ne, n sln ern fan n n e ern ner , rlene rela. n snr urunsap u rusen n rlene ns u an rusen sal suera. Sun, an n l er rusen allere, uns lup an, ea seen suera s l unes. esen nae r ern sa na, enn ern nn r . nn sn lup sn een es saa era. Sn e f spraen ern urn fan n s rp es an seen erls e elu. ena, an eser esen rlp fan enrn se aes erls spraen. esen r seen rue unes franane, e sale seln ne enrn sun sln ne ar. ella n, elenen eeaeren eere, sun enn eln. ena era elu nr ns n nn rea n esen spraen an saa, euensse suera n elane. Seln an, e eere n un, ule rlp n ne. Falen, eser rusen eerla n eruun, e rue e ern rlp n rea aes eeaeren fan, elenen rlp esen ella suera sale, aes u spraen fan uan spraen. Rea sunu n an e rela an elane un rlp. Ern ar es, fan sela fan el, als fra ane e el snr sun. f n sun fes na un n es eel elane eruun a ellun. nae rela l, allere eruun sn fan n e, ess sunu suera esen. eser erl n na nae sn un. es er, eenre spraen erl n sln urn, sen an uns se, e l u fan suera fan. eere sln sen raa snr fan rlp rln el n als e, fan eln sulu rlp rela, an ner? eln n uns r ena rela s, es ane fes euene. Suera falen renuss ra. S eel na n ern n san e eeaeren uns er fan e ena r sln er, elu fra ane als u. san ess, sal n sale snr ern sal als n, es ern n. u un elane snr elenen lup ena. Spraen n rue rsl euene snr ra er, r snr renuss ar un ern n, e ne eruun. ella un sunu n eln fan. n renuss el na n n, u eerla l, ra er snr rns. es ne eere sn lup erls an rusen spraen, es ern, sal ena erl. ra s n ella eerun ne an r, e na, fur ellun. Snr rue e snr, ne sn n, snr an n eere ns es rsl ule e sal rlp sn. Sunu es uan an n rp an elenen nn. f lnene, eln ule er erls e rp, u een un na ern n eser ella sulu lup. n ra sln u r rn ella fan enn fan ule furun, rp es er snr nae n e n an l n. Sel es an eenre seen n u sal n er ella ern rela er r ule n fan euene. erl r, ern e ns n era n spraen snr a fan. r sale, e rlp ella ra elane ar ne er eerla ellun renuss n unes snr n, ess eenre ea rns. Snr n suera ern e u an raa ne, e sn era es. Sa e r fan ern uns ar an sen ne urunsap eere ra eeaeren renuss sun lnene. eere, e e ne erls eeaeren es rusen n fan n ern, n sun s n n fes, aes sel suera.

Oh well.


----------



## Kazak

Then I removed everything except the letter "a." What's left is, I believe, the name of a castle in England.

aa a a a a A a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aa a a a a a a a a a a a a


----------



## SINC

I removed everything except the letter "A" and got this:

A

Now I wonder what it stands for.


----------



## Kazak

It doesn't have to stand for anything. It's minimalist, man. You just nod intelligently, and, like Radar O'Reilly, say, "Ah, Bach."


----------



## SINC

Or as Arnold Schwarzenegger said when he announced he would attend the costume party, "I''ll be Bach."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I see that by dint of intricate footwork, and Holmesian logic you have arrived at ...




A.


Thank you. I had been wondering where that had got to.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is nothing secret anymore?


----------



## The Doug

Beowulf ydy an 'n Hen Saesneg 'n arwraidd arwrgerdd chan 'n anadnabyddus awduriaeth , yn amseru fel cofnodedig i mewn 'r Nowell Hysgriflyfr hysgriflyfr chan cyd-rhwng 'r 8th at 'r 'n fore 11th canrif , a relates canlyniadau darluniedig fel yn cael ddigwyddedig i mewn beth ydy awron Denmark a Sweden. 'n gyd ddyfynedig fel hun chan 'r 'n bwysica gweithfa chan Anglo - Sais lenyddiaeth Beowulf wedi bod 'r darostwng chan lawer 'n academaidd astudia , damcaniaeth speculation , ymadrodda , a , am 3182 banodau , nodwyd achos 'i feithder.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> ddigwyddedig


There's a great little B & B there, just a few miles north of Cardiff.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

25g/1oz butter
25g/1oz flour
150ml/5fl oz milk
175g/6oz cheddar cheese, grated
150ml/5fl oz brown ale
1 tsp English mustard
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper
2 egg yolks
4 slices of toast


1. Make a roux with the butter and flour, and leave to cool.
2. Bring the milk to the boil, then whisk it into the roux. Bring to the boil once again, whisking to ensure that it does not burn and also that the sauce is free of lumps.
3. Add the cheese, beat in and remove from the heat.
4. Reduce the ale, English mustard and Worcestershire sauce. When thick, add this mixture to the cheese sauce. Season well with salt and pepper and beat in the egg yolks.
5. Spoon on to the slices of toast and grill until bubbling. Serve with extra Worcestershire sauce handed separately.


----------



## SINC

Ah, the old feed the thread trick?


----------



## Kazak

What's roux with youx?


----------



## The Doug

Oh, tame old tame old.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Image voluntarily removed by SQ.

It violated my terms of abuse.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Inquiring minds want to know:

Was she holding the camera in her teeth?

Anyway, I've always been a firm advocate of a hands-on approach to breast support.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Anyone eaten any good books lately?


----------



## Kazak

No, but I'd like to sink my teeth into one of these.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It was excess on that scale that led to the Fall of Rome.


----------



## Kazak

XS = CDLXXVI

Solve for Y?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Easy ... Y = S !

I worked it out using one of these.


----------



## Kazak

Cool site. I might replace my ugly widget with the calculator.

wiggly duet
wiggle duty
get wild guy


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Based on the chin, I guess that's the Mulroney they kept locked in the family closet.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Dr.G.

Those were the days, SQ, when Newfoundland and Labrador had its own money, its own government, its own destiny. Now, at long last, we are a "have province" but ignored by the federal government.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Dr.G.

Vive le Newfoundland libre


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Don, what about Labrador? We have lots of black Labs here in NL.


----------



## MissGulch

Dr.G. said:


> Don, what about Labrador? We have lots of black Labs here in NL.


Labrador Receiver.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Labrador Receiver." Labrador Retriever

American Kennel Club - Labrador Retriever


----------



## Kazak

Tried to respond to MacFury's thread "First New Post," and got this:







This makes me sad. "Never" seems so, I don't know, final.:-(


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And you're confronted with the mocking "Try Again" button.

Just when you're down and exhausted, they kick you hard. The b******s.

O tempora! O mores!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And then you're confronted with the mocking "Try Again" button.

Just when you're down and exhausted, they kick you hard. The b******s.

O tempora! O mores!


----------



## The Doug

You can say that again.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> You can say that again.


It would _appear_ that I did. Notwithstanding appearances, however, I must declare myself to be the victim of identity theft here, as illustrated by what appears to be a duplicate post on my part. Someone is impersonating me for some, as yet, unknown but undoubtedly heinous purpose.

For the record - I am the real Snapple Quaffer.


----------



## rgray

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Someone is impersonating me for some, as yet, unknown but undoubtedly heinous purpose.


Probably more nefarious than heinous...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nefariousness is _really_ heinous. Give me heinousness any day.


----------



## MacGenius24

1?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

9


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Someone is impersonating me for some, as yet, unknown but undoubtedly heinous purpose.
> 
> For the record - I am the real Snapple Quaffer.







​
Don't listen to him, Spock. _I_ am the real Snapple Quaffer. _He's_ the impostor.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 9


Block that kick! Block that kick!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

3333 !!!!


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 3333 !!!!


...bottles of beer on the wall, 3333 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 3332 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## rgray

3332 bottles of beer on the wall. 3332 bottles of beer.  Take one down, pass it around, 3331 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

3331 bottles of beer on the wall, take 3330 bottles down. 1 Bottle on the wall.

Ha!


----------



## MacGenius24

rgray said:


> 3332 bottles of beer on the wall. 3332 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 3331 bottles of beer on the wall.


3331 bottles of beer on the wall. 3331bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 3330 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## Dr.G.

3330 bottles of beer on the wall. 3330 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, and everyone might get my cold. Sorry. Next time, remember, the test of a smart person is to stay healthy.

FYI -- I really don't have a cold. I passed the test. However, this was a warning during flu and cold season. Paix, mes amis.


----------



## The Doug

3329 bottles of beer on the wall, 3329 bottles of beer, take seventeen down and give them all to Dr.G, 3312 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## Kazak

3312 bottles of beer on the wall.

"Honey, I think the painting would look best right there."
"But . . ."
"Thanks, honey."


----------



## rgray

Kazak said:


> 3312 bottles of beer on the wall.
> 
> "Honey, I think the painting would look best right there."
> "But . . ."
> "Thanks, honey."


3311 bottles of beer on the wall....
3310 bottles of beer on the wall...
3309 bottles of beer on the wall...
"effing painting..."
3308 bottles of beer on the wall.
3307 bottles of beer on the wall.
3306 bottles of beer on the wall.
3305 bottles of beer on the wall.
....etc.


----------



## The Doug

[pee break]


----------



## Kazak

3296 beetlesh of boor on the wall.

No, no, no, no, no, honey. It sokay. I'm not too paint to drunk.


----------



## Kazak

Oops. Kinda sorta losht my thread there. What I weant mas, I'm not too drunk to paint a hanging.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Chealion

Snapple Quaffer - Comic Sans MS? That definitely isn't Canadian or well frankly real beer there then... ;-)

3303 bottles of beer on the wall.
3303 bottles of beer on the wall.
Take one down, pass it around,
3303 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chealion said:


> Snapple Quaffer - Comic Sans MS? That definitely isn't Canadian or well frankly real beer there then... ;-)


Chalkboard, Symbol and MT Extra. The hoppiest of flavours!


----------



## SINC

3302 bottles of beer on the wall.
3302 bottles of beer on the wall.
Take one down, pass it around,
3302 bottles of beer on the wall.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It'll never fly.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Your friend's list is empty.

Your empty list is friendly.

Your friend Liszt is empty.

Your empty friend is listless.

Somebody told a little YF LIE.

Your caveat list is emptor.

My next post will be number MD.


----------



## Kazak

Attached Images, the haiku (using variations of TD's line in each position)

Your empty friends list
Reminds me that life is short
Breathe in, breathe out, die

My life is sad, but
Your friends list is so empty
The echo cheers me

My full friends stand straight
Good posture shows inner peace
Your empty friends list


----------



## Kazak

on sunny mornings
the glare is unbearable
all those beer bottles


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Shakespeare - sample first drafts*

To test, or not to test: that is the question.

To quest, or not to quest: said the equestrian.

To test, or not to test: that is the question.

To test, or not to test: for an infestation.

To list, or not to list: that is the question.

What would Marlowe do?


----------



## Kazak

alas, poor Marlowe
I knew him, but believe me
I did not kill him


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> To test, or not to test: that is the question.


I choose to test, to suffer the flames and tptptptps of cranky ehMacers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To choose the flamey, tptptptpy path is indeed noble.


----------



## The Doug

The Larch.


----------



## Kazak

The towering Wattle of Aldershot.


----------



## KC4

What? ! 
The towering Wattle of Alder shot whom?


----------



## Dr.G.

I never saw a purple cow.
I never hope to see one.
But I can tell you anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.

Burgess Gillett.


----------



## Kazak

I never saw a purple cow,
Hold on for just a sec . . .
I'd rather be a purple cow,
Than poor Burgess Gillett.

I think I saw a purple cow,
'Twas wearing purple Keds.
I think I saw it anyhow,
It may have been my meds.

How now purple cow?
What does your elocution tell?
Forget the elocution,
Just give me *more cowbell*!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Taxi!


----------



## MissGulch

Death and Taxi.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You cakein' to me?


----------



## KC4

I'd really like to try cooking haggis, kidney pie and braised liver....but I just don't have the guts to do it.


----------



## Dr.G.

I don't know how to cook these foods, but I will eat them should you find a way to cook them well.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You'll need sheep's pluck and ox bung.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> I'd really like to try cooking haggis, kidney pie and braised liver....but I just don't have the guts to do it.


:lmao::clap:

PS: Ever been to La Chaumière Restaurant in Calgary?

Haven't been for years, but it used to be real nice.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> PS: Ever been to La Chaumière Restaurant in Calgary?
> 
> Haven't been for years, but it used to be real nice.


I haven't been there for years as well
I will go there, then eat and tell
And if it's not old La Chaumière belle,
I'll be sure to geeve 'em `elle...


----------



## SINC

I heard they might have moved out of that quaint little house they used to be in and that would be a shame. but they did have one of the most extensive wine cellars I ever saw back in the early 90s.

I used to go there often with Ken King, now CEO of da Flames when he was publisher of the Sun in Calgary and Kevin Peterson, former publisher of the Herald would often join us.

Got waaay too drunk on good port there a number of times. Hic!


----------



## KC4

Hahaha! 
Sounds like quite the power bunch
to gather there for liquids and lunch
I would have loved to seen the show
If at La Chaumiere, one had shouted,

GO FLAMES GO!!!!

(the stuffy waiters would have surely swallowed their neck-ties)


----------



## Dr.G.

Go Rangers!!!!!!!!! Onward to Victory. Excelsior.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Larch?


----------



## Kazak

The Lurch.





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

Like this image, the resemblance is uncanny.





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

People saw through _him_ too. Spooky.


----------



## KC4

He should have kept a lid on it.
Instead he left his mouth ajar.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> He should have kept a lid on it.
> Instead he left his mouth ajar.


...

Which explains the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

_[There are 700 lines, represented by the ellipsis, missing and lost to history. So much is laid at the door of those responsible for the sacking of Rome, although I think Walt Disney is the culprit.]_


----------



## Kazak

That's one industrial-strength ellipsis.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A mere bagatelle for Disney Corp.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## MissGulch

Salvador Deli delivers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sally and Wally - a lovely couple. Of course, Mickey Mouse was their love child ... a great cheese addict.


----------



## The Doug

Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.


----------



## Kazak

Who? Bouzouki Joe?







I admit the gum's a bit stringy these days . . .​


----------



## The Doug

No Bazooka recipes - yet.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> No Bazooka recipes - yet.


Bubble Gum Ice cream BLOWS!


----------



## The Doug

The correct answer is:

*B)* _Edward Heath_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

And this would be Cha-grin:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cheese a cracker.


----------



## Kazak

one-a-penny


----------



## Hel

The Doug said:


> Jag var där en gång.



Jaså det var du? Själv är jag här och inte där.


----------



## KC4

Ja ja!


----------



## Kazak

Tudey, I veell shoo yuoo hoo tu prepere a deep-freeed beeker. Bork Bork Bork!


----------



## SINC

I'll beek watchin'


----------



## Kazak

The album's called "Woodface."





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Edward Woodward? Edward Woodward? Sounds like someone farting in the bath!"

Prizes for knowing who said that ... oh, and where and when.


----------



## Dr.G.

Sir Noel Coward said that classic phrase. I had an English prof from England who would say that and laugh.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> Sir Noel Coward said that classic phrase. I had an English prof from England who would say that and laugh.


Well done, Dr. G.

Here, as promised, a prize, for answering the 'who' part of the question.


----------



## KC4

Actung! Das Fotocopier nicht ver fingerpoken und lookink. Nein swindlem und folden. Twinkink gearbroten Verboten!!


----------



## Dr.G.

A whoopie cushion!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, SQ.


----------



## Hel

Pax Vobiscum, all of you


----------



## SINC

Indeed . . .


----------



## Hel

Mmmm...! That piece of pie looks yummy... *drool*


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

Lederhosers, ya!


----------



## Dr.G.

Das und ein sich schlafend stellen dachshund. (Translation -- That is a dachshund pretending to be asleep.)


----------



## Hel

Eine kleine nachtmusik, schlink schlink spelevink.


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> Das und ein sich schlafend stellen dachshund. (Translation -- That is a dachshund pretending to be asleep.)


This may help !
:yawn::baby:


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4, I think that she is singing to a baby and not a dachshund (which is German for "badger dog"). As well, Jack was pretending to be asleep next too his nephew, Casey, but he did have one eye open just in case Casey was going to pounce upon him once again.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Say, "Cheese!"


----------



## KC4

They all look a little lost or spacey to me.


----------



## Kazak

"The oxygen mix is a bit rich. Should I fix it?"
"Nah. Tee hee."


----------



## KC4

1 part oxygen to 2 parts whiskey please and thanks.


----------



## KC4

Let's 



+
dance!" title="View this video at YouTube in a new window or tab" target="_blank">YouTube Video






dance!">
dance!" />

ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Hmmmm, that didn't work as hoped. How do I get the You Tube video to display in the thread?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Nope.

In the url, the bit at the end ... XeEIhpnBYfw ... is what's entered between the pair of bracketed 'youtubes', but it seems choppy.

I think I'll have a cheese sandwich and think about having a beer afterwards.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is this really news?

Warning: contains indelicate content.


----------



## Kazak

As Jimi almost sang,

'Scuse me while I screw the sky.


----------



## Kazak

No wait . . . I like this one better.

. . . or are you just glad to see me?


----------



## Kazak

Heaven help me!

This guy walks into a bar and pulls out a sixty-foot pianist . . .


----------



## Kazak

When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it's peaceful as can be
And there the world below can't bother me
Let me tell you now

When I come home feelin' tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet (up on the roof)
I get away from the hustling crowd
And all that rat-race noise down in the street (up on the roof)
On the roof, the only place I know
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Let's go up on the roof (up on the roof)

At night the stars put on a show for free
And, darling, you can share it all with me

I keep a-tellin' you

Right smack dab in the middle of town
I've found a paradise that's trouble proof (up on the roof)
And if this world starts getting you down
There's room enough for two
Up on the roof (up on the roof)
Up on the roo-oo-oof (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, baby (up on the roof)
Oh, come on, honey (up on the roof)


----------



## Kazak

At the start of every school year, the lads ask me why spelling matters. Every year, I show them this picture and tell them that no one will ever believe they're hung like a house.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

All this is true, and much more besides.

Snow on the roof ... fire in the grate ...

Fried rice, Sporty Spice ...

Cut it any way you want, but you've gotta have a system.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, one more and then I'll stop.

Forget the Nazca Plains. Erich von Daniken presents "Chariots of the Gonads."


----------



## The Doug

Oh please. Please. Don't stop.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

'Chariots of the Gonads' ... wasn't that one of the main events at the original Olympic Gametes?


----------



## Kazak

Close, but when you think "chariots," you should think about the Romans. You know, gonadiators fighting hungry loins, etc.


----------



## KC4

Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't get testes about it!


----------



## The Doug

Do not click here.


----------



## SINC

I'm really glad I didn't.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Do not click here.


Aargh, the temptation. It's like a modern-day Lot's wife, or Orpheus, or Bluebeard's wife, or Pandora, or, like, well maybe a quick click wouldn't hurt . . .


----------



## SINC

Crap, now I'll never know.


----------



## The Doug

Okay then, don't click here either.


----------



## SINC

Wouldn't even consider it.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Okay then, don't click here either.


The problem is, as you probably know, that putting the cursor over the link shows the URL in the status bar. This is roughly equivalent to a noxious smell seeping from under Bluebeard's door, or Pandora finding a list of ingredients on the outside of the box.

Just realized that I could have added Cupid and Psyche to my original list. Mythed that one.


----------



## MissGulch

The Doug said:


> Okay then, don't click here either.


el Drecko.


----------



## SINC

http://www.tindeck.com/download/f8d...El Drecko - Minor To Major On A Submarine.mp3


----------



## Kazak

MissGulch said:


> el Drecko.


Art Drecko.






​


----------



## SINC

Art Deck-O


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Never mind all that - what of this poor fellow?

Imagine all the jolly leg-pulling he'll be getting down the nick today ...

"Oi! Quick, hide your secret files!" and other low quality puns. I'd like to know who handed him the files like that. Being a Plod he wouldn't be too aware of any danger in carrying them butterside up. Bloody irresponsible of his assistant, I'd say. 

However, it's nice to know that the poor silly United F***ed-Up Kingdom is in safe hands at last. (It is ... isn't it?)


----------



## Kazak

And all these years, I thought Bob Quick was only the answer to the riddle: What do you call someone with no arms and no legs in the rapids?

(I know--those jokes are not PC. I'm going to go flagellate for a while . . . to Devo.)


----------



## SINC

What do you call someone with no arms or legs lying under a pile of leaves? Why, Russell of course.


----------



## Kazak

"Scotty, who threw the first punch?"

"I did, sir."

Next we'll be on to the "Mommy Mommy" jokes.


----------



## KC4

What do you call a woman with no arms and one leg? Ilene!

( How many do you think we can post B4 the mods yank us?)


----------



## The Doug

What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on the wall?

Art.


----------



## KC4

What do you call an armless, legless man on the floor?


Matt!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bob Quick wouldn't understand these jokes, being an illiterate oik.

Btw, why is six afraid of seven? This is the acid test for a mathematical mind.


----------



## Kazak

I know why six is afraid of seven, but are you sure that means I have a mathematical mind, or does it just mean I've done a lot of acid?

Mommy, Mommy, why am I running in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Bob Quick wouldn't understand these jokes, being an illiterate oik.
> 
> Btw, why is six afraid of seven? This is the acid test for a mathematical mind.


Because Seven ate NINE!


----------



## The G3 Man

TESTING 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.A.N.D.W.I.N.D.O.W.S.F.A.I.L.S


Morgan


----------



## The Doug

Say what you will, but there still ain't no rhyme for _oranges_.


----------



## KC4

I'll say I'll have some porridges and oranges, please!


----------



## Kazak

I go to the market for oranges,
I go to Home Depot for door hinges,
I go to the gym to lose more inches,

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Johnny had a lust for gore.
He nailed the baby to the door.
His mother cried, in loud complaint,
"Johnny dear, the paint, the PAINT!"


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> "the paint, the PAINT!"


I thought that was Herve Villechaize's line.


----------



## SINC

Sniff. Sniff. Is that Corinthian leather I smell?


----------



## Kazak

. . . or the rare original cover:






​


----------



## rgray

Aussie rules
Test your knowledge of Russell Crowe


----------



## Kazak

I started with the intention of getting "0," but wound up getting "6" instead. Rather sad.

Grey man.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Apropos


----------



## KC4

May day! May day!


----------



## sharonmac09

KC4 said:


> May day! May day!


Is it your birthday?

Happpy Birthdaay to youu,
Happy Birthdayyy to youu,
Happy Birthdaayyy to KC444444,
Happy Birthdaaaaaaayyyyyyyy to YOUUUUUUU!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> May day! May day!


What is your position? Over.


----------



## KC4

"I'm approaching the 49th Longitude with WAAAY to much Latitude! Over."


----------



## sharonmac09

KC4 said:


> "I'm approaching the 49th Longitude with WAAAY to much Latitude! Over."


:lmao::lmao::lmao: And that goes for a lot of people!


----------



## Dr.G.

St. John's geographical information. Longitude: -52°42'34.742 Latitude: 47°33'. Anything east of us is just ocean.


----------



## KC4

Dr. G - does that mean I'm headin' for the salty drink?

If so, please pass the Lime and tequila. Over.


----------



## KC4

May the 4th be with you.


----------



## Dr.G.

Any to you as well, KC4.


----------



## Dr.G.

Happy Pre-Cinco de Mayo for one and all as well.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> May the 4th be with you.


June-oh how much that means?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> June-oh how much that means?


No. April May know.


----------



## The Doug

I am for you, May 7 2009.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

By Jove!

Ding _dong_!


----------



## The Doug

Do not read this post.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Do not read this post.


OK. What should I do with the post?


----------



## The Doug

Precisely. And absolutely.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Precisely. And absolutely.


Precision is the mark of a fine post, Doug. Good idea.


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> OK. What should I do with the post?


He was just testing us. 

As I am known to say on occasion to my teenaged daughter.....Beware of testing me; I may fail.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Answer like that make myself wants to kill.

Razz _n._ - sound of contempt; raspberry
Razz _v.t._ - heckle, deride

Let's see . . . 

razz and shine
get a razz out of someone
razz the roof
razz of light
all that razz
"I've got no kick against modern razz"

Knock knock
_Who's there?_
Razz
_Razz who?_
Some people have ignorance up the razzoo.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Do not ask for whom
The Razz razzes - it will razz.
At razzdom. Nuff said.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Razza Razza Razza FRAZZ!tptptptp


----------



## rgray

*Razzle Dazzle*

Razzle Dazzle - remember Howard the Turtle?


----------



## The Doug

rgray said:


> ...remember Howard the Turtle?


Yes - absolutely delicious with linguine & garlic bread.


----------



## Kazak

Remember this guy?





​


----------



## The Doug

Yes. Once, right before I walked into a bar, someone yelled _duck!_


----------



## Kazak

Another odd creature with the same name:





​


----------



## SINC

“Mommy, why does daddy cuss the TV and call it Howard?”


----------



## MissGulch

Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go.


----------



## The Doug

I vant.


----------



## Kazak

I know some of you will think this is sick, but this is vat I vant (fond memories from childhood):





​


----------



## KC4

^^^ Kazak - Is that bread in a can? 
This is vat I vant....


----------



## Kazak

Yes, it's bread in a can. What I can't remember is how we heated it. It must have been after the can was opened, right? I know we heated it, because I remember spreading butter on the slices and watching it melt.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Do you knead a can opener?


----------



## Kazak

Finding a can opener is the yeast of my worries.


----------



## The Doug

Yet you'd butter start looking for one before it's too late.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

What? Me worry? Never ............ we live in the land of the free and the home of the brave ......... at least here in NL.


----------



## KC4

Wuzzup?


----------



## MissGulch

Steve Wuzzniak is a great dancer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or Woz a great dancer.

My apologies to all.


----------



## SINC

Didja mean, "Or Woz _*he*_ a great dancer?"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I was thinking more pre-elliptically, as in:



> Steve Wuzzniak is a great dancer


then



> ... or Woz a great dancer.


It fell flat of course, but it's gag I'm determined to make work sometime. I'll never make a good conic.


----------



## Kazak

That's okay. There probably aren't any good comics hoping to be made by you.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dang! Even the tail-end gag didn't work.


Desperation.

"I had to have my dog put down."

"Was he mad?"

"He wasn't very pleased!"


----------



## SINC

Back on the farm, we had a nag that didn't work.


----------



## The Doug

Woz she lazy or something?


----------



## SINC

Nope, she Woz low on oats.


----------



## Kazak

Comme ca?





​


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, I think that you post needs to be reported. I have alerted ehMax of the use of a word that has no place here in ehMacLand ............... or in the English language. I once thought quite highly of you, but now, I am not so sure. For shame, mon ami.


----------



## Kazak

Dr. G, it is well-known that the average banana has a single-digit IQ. He's obviously holding the sign upside-down, and his message is "dood," which, because he's so dim, is also misspelled. Nobody with a shred of intelligence could be that happy.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

In order to preempt any such behaviour on the part of the bananas in our fruit bowl, I have, this day, eaten them all.

I urge all citizens with a concern for public morals to take a similarly firm line with wayward fruit. We must thank The Doug for bringing this matter to our attention.


----------



## SINC

Sorry, let'em rot. (Disclaimer: I love banana bread.)


----------



## The Doug

SINC said:


> ...I love banana bread...


Good - this is proof positive that you are able to resist pear pressure.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Dr. G, it is well-known that the average banana has a single-digit IQ. He's obviously holding the sign upside-down, and his message is "dood," which, because he's so dim, is also misspelled. Nobody with a shred of intelligence could be that happy.


Kazak, now that makes much more sense. I shall notify the mayor of my withdrawal of my protest. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I urge all citizens with a concern for public morals to take a similarly firm line with wayward fruit...


You know, wild strawberries nearly ruined the early career of Ingmar Bergman. It's true. He was nearly toast - however, he quickly learned how to make jam. And then there's the story of Woody Allen's perseverance and sheer courage on the set of his film Bananas...


----------



## rgray

Snapple Quaffer said:


> .......... I have, this day, eaten them all.


Thereby turning them, in time, into just what the sign says.... :clap:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> And then there's the story of Woody Allen's perseverance and sheer courage on the set of his film Bananas...


Yes, yes! He was famous for his persimmon and courgette preserve.


----------



## KC4

Does anyone really give a fig about all this?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Answers on a postcard, please.


----------



## Ena

Is extra postage charged for Scratch and Sniff cards?


----------



## Kazak

Aubergine!


----------



## rgray

Tangerine!


----------



## The Doug

Florentine!


----------



## MissGulch

**** floresiensis


----------



## Kazak

A phrase that caught my eye in your link, MissGulch, was _endemic cretinism_. I never knew it was a medical condition; my initial assumption was that it was a phrase that could describe a culture in decline, rife with cretins.

e.g. The Canadian government was unable to function, due to the endemic cretinism of tax evaders.
OR
e.g. The teacher blamed her poor standardized test scores on the endemic cretinism of her students (and their parents).

You learn something gnu every day.

Plasticine!


----------



## rgray

Obscene.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Trampoline


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ovaltine


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Margarine


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sardine


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Grenadine.

I'm off to bed now. Keep an eye on things while I'm gone, eh?


----------



## Dr.G.

"I'm off to bed now. Keep an eye on things while I'm gone, eh? " Eye-o-dine ................. not to be pronounced iodine.


----------



## The Doug

Palatine!


----------



## Ena

Constantine


----------



## Dr.G.

Ena said:


> Constantine


Ena, I'll see your Constantine, and raise you a Byzantine Empire.


----------



## rgray

Valentine.


----------



## Dr.G.

rgray said:


> Valentine.


Bold move, rgray, but I shall see your Valentine and raise you a Serpentine, which can only be beaten by a full house or four hydrous magnesium iron phyllosilicates.


----------



## SINC

Fuddle duddle. All of it.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Fuddle duddle. All of it.


A Fuddle Duddle !?!? I have not seen someone draw an inside Fuddle Duddle in all my days of playing this game. I'm out ................


----------



## The Doug

Pithecanthropine!


----------



## SINC

e-pithamy


----------



## KC4

U Reeka!


----------



## Chris

wassa matta U?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Fuddle duddle.


----------



## SINC

Yep:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Brilliantine.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Brylcreem .............. a little dab will do you............."


----------



## SINC

Brylcreem . . . You'll look so debonair.


----------



## SINC

Brylcreem . . . The gals will all pursue you.


----------



## SINC

Simply rub a little in your hair!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, this hare needs some Brylcreem.


----------



## Kazak

Sigh. Wrong "its."

The pubic hare is much like the Easter Bunny, only it leaves its treasures in the bath drain.

Oddly, the pubic hare can be found in every country of the world except Brazil.

The pubic hare makes its home either around trees or fissures.

It is considered in poor taste, even among avid hunters, to serve pubic hare at a formal dinner.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> It is considered in poor taste, even among avid hunters, to serve pubic hare at a formal dinner.


Why, you ask? Because it has a tendency to get stuck in the teeth.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Why, you ask? Because it has a tendency to get stuck in the teeth.


That's of course when you require one of these:


----------



## Guest

Testies ...


----------



## Kazak

mguertin said:


> Testies ...


Well, I think I've done this before, but I don't have the cojones to follow up on the previous post, so here he is (again):







​


----------



## The Doug

You're mad. Mad!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## rgray

SINC said:


>


Where's Waldo?


----------



## The Doug

Waldo passed away a long time ago.


----------



## Dr.G.

Doug, Colburn was a Whig before he was a Democrat. Of course, I am not sure what party Alfred E. Neuman tried to represent when he ran for president in 2004.

Alfred E. Neuman For President


----------



## The Doug

Dr.G. said:


> Of course, I am not sure what party Alfred E. Neuman tried to represent when he ran for president in 2004


If memory serves, it was the Birthday Party.


----------



## SINC

I hope he wore his birthday suit.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

A fitting celebration might be Buffalo Turds:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Kitty Litter Cake!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The perfect song for anyone who wishes he had more fibre in his diet:

Hooray for you!
Hooray for me!
Hooray, hooray,
The Pooh will soon be free!
Now the time has come for proving
What the diet did for Pooh.

And since we pledged
He'd be unwedged,
That's what we're going to do.
He'll be pulled and he'll be tugged,
and eventually unplugged.
We'll have a tug of war
To open Rabbit's door.

Think heavage, think hoage
And out the Pooh will goage.
For mind over matter
Has made the Pooh unfatter.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Who's fat?


----------



## chuckster

Trim The Fat

Download TrimTheFat for Mac - Strip unwanted code from Universal applications. MacUpdate Mac File Management Software Downloads


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"You house proud town mouse,
Ha ha, charade you are"


----------



## The Doug

Hey I was going to say that.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Now you have.

Is that a sentence?

Testing ... testing ...


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer: Now you have.

Darth Vader: I have you now.

(The Farce is strong in this one.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Snapple Quaffer: Now you have.

Darth Vader: I have you now.

(The Farce is strong in this one.)

Snapple Quaffer: Now have you?

(It's getting stronger.)


----------



## The Doug

This test nest, though still a blest fest, needs zest.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## rgray




----------



## KC4

.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

(Shudder) How Dreadful!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Never stand under a loose ostrich.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Health officials are working together with computer geeks to save a man who was crushed by a wooden cutout yesterday. "He had all his layers flattened," said the so-called "nerdomedics" who were summoned to the scene of the incident. Apparently, his only hope for revival is to determine the application in which he was created. However, the three-letter tag he was wearing was rendered illegible during the flattening process. "We keep trying right-click-'Open With,' but we're running out of apps," said one of the "geektors," identified only as Raster.

Police warned everyone to save frequently, as flattening can often be only a mis-click away.


----------



## The Doug

*For The Benefit Of Those In The Southern Hemisphere*

˙ʎɐʍɐ ʞɔılɔ-sıɯ ɐ ʎluo ǝq uǝʇɟo uɐɔ ƃuıuǝʇʇɐlɟ sɐ 'ʎlʇuǝnbǝɹɟ ǝʌɐs oʇ ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ pǝuɹɐʍ ǝɔılod

˙ɹǝʇsɐɹ sɐ ʎluo pǝıɟıʇuǝpı „'sɹoʇʞǝǝƃ„ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo pıɐs „'sddɐ ɟo ʇno ƃuıuunɹ ǝɹ,ǝʍ ʇnq ,'ɥʇıʍ uǝdo,-ʞɔılɔ-ʇɥƃıɹ ƃuıʎɹʇ dǝǝʞ ǝʍ„ ˙ssǝɔoɹd ƃuıuǝʇʇɐlɟ ǝɥʇ ƃuıɹnp ǝlqıƃǝllı pǝɹǝpuǝɹ sɐʍ ƃuıɹɐǝʍ sɐʍ ǝɥ ƃɐʇ ɹǝʇʇǝl-ǝǝɹɥʇ ǝɥʇ 'ɹǝʌǝʍoɥ ˙pǝʇɐǝɹɔ sɐʍ ǝɥ ɥɔıɥʍ uı uoıʇɐɔılddɐ ǝɥʇ ǝuıɯɹǝʇǝp oʇ sı lɐʌıʌǝɹ ɹoɟ ǝdoɥ ʎluo sıɥ 'ʎlʇuǝɹɐddɐ ˙ʇuǝpıɔuı ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuǝɔs ǝɥʇ oʇ pǝuoɯɯns ǝɹǝʍ oɥʍ „sɔıpǝɯopɹǝu„ pǝllɐɔ-os ǝɥʇ pıɐs „'pǝuǝʇʇɐlɟ sɹǝʎɐl sıɥ llɐ pɐɥ ǝɥ„ ˙ʎɐpɹǝʇsǝʎ ʇnoʇnɔ uǝpooʍ ɐ ʎq pǝɥsnɹɔ sɐʍ oɥʍ uɐɯ ɐ ǝʌɐs oʇ sʞǝǝƃ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ɥʇıʍ ɹǝɥʇǝƃoʇ ƃuıʞɹoʍ ǝɹɐ slɐıɔıɟɟo ɥʇlɐǝɥ


----------



## Orion

I posted in another "test" thread and was informed that I should be here instead. Silly me ^_^;

With 360 pages, has this thread come full circle?

Oh, and The Doug: Ow, that hurt my brain. I'd ask how, but the answer may hurt too ^_^


----------



## The Doug

a) Gone fishin'
b) Ain't nobody here but us chickens
*c) Closed for inventory*
d) _Siesta!_


----------



## KC4

SEE! When in doubt, always choose "C"!


----------



## Kazak

Si!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One giant leap for a thread ...


----------



## SINC

... and a tiny step towards a needle.


----------



## The Doug

Sew what.


----------



## SINC

Been trying to button that down for a while now.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A-hem


----------



## SINC

Is a terrible thing to waist.


----------



## KC4

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.


----------



## GratuitousApplesauce

I think (smart-ass comment deleted) and furthermore (defamatory characterization clipped) ... so there!


----------



## SINC

Easy for you to say!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

GratuitousApplesauce said:


> I think (smart-ass comment deleted) and furthermore (defamatory characterization clipped) ... so there!


René Descartes couldn't have put it better.


----------



## The Doug

He thought, therefore he existed. But he's been dead for hundreds of years, which proves thinking is utterly futile.


----------



## GratuitousApplesauce

The Doug said:


> He thought, therefore he existed. But he's been dead for hundreds of years, which proves thinking is utterly futile.


You're skirting with the fringes of rationality .... uh ...


KAAAAAAAAAAAPPPOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! (sound of my brain exploding)


----------



## Chris

<trudge, trudge, trudge> *squish!*

Ewww! I just stepped in applesauce brains!


----------



## Kazak

Peter Brady: "Porkchopsh and appleshaushe."


----------



## KC4

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!


----------



## Sonal

Cliches should be avoided like the plague!


----------



## MissGulch

Meet The Beagles.


----------



## rgray

The Beagle Boys










> The Beagle Boys are a group of fictional characters from the Scrooge McDuck universe loosely based on the popular image of Ma Barker and the Barker-Karpis Gang.


----------



## Guest

poco puppy :: The Beagles


----------



## Kazak

The Boogie-Woogie Beagle Boy of Company B





​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

​
(You don't know how many Pointer Sisters pics I looked at before I figured out it wasn't them.) 
(Sorry if this is a double-post.)


----------



## HowEver

Kazak said:


> View attachment 10146​
> (You don't know how many Pointer Sisters pics I looked at before I figured out it wasn't them.)
> (Sorry if this is a double-post.)


But the graphic is titled, "We Are Family," so those sisters are:


----------



## Kazak

Yep. I didn't open the properties window wide enough to see the whole filename, but, as fans of really bad TV shows will realize from my reply, I figured out who they were anyway. To continue,






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## KC4

.


----------



## The G3 Man

Testing 123 testing


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

May we suggest . . .





​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"A lady of the evenin' was eyeballin' me
Starin' down from the balcony
She walked up to me with gunpowder breath
The Ace of Hearts was bleedin' from her hip
I dragged her upstairs by her lower lip"


----------



## Mckitrick

#3637?

Ok, 38!


----------



## rgray

*141 words for 'drunk'*

BBC News | UK | 141 words for 'drunk'



> drunk,• adj, euphemisms include:
> 
> Ankled (Bristol)
> 
> Badgered, Banjaxed, Battered,Befuggered, Bernard Langered, Bladdered,Blasted, Blathered, Bleezin, Blitzed,Blootered, Blottoed, Bluttered, Boogaloo,Brahms & Liszt, Buckled, Burlin
> 
> Cabbaged, Chevy Chased, Clobbered
> 
> Decimated, Dot Cottoned, Druck-steaming, Drunk as a Lord, Drunk as a skunk
> 
> Etched
> 
> Fecked, Fleemered (Germany), Four to the floor
> 
> Gatted, Goosed, Got my beer goggles on,Guttered (Inverness)
> 
> Had a couple of shickers, Hammer-blowed,Hammered, Hanging, Having the whirlygigs, Howling
> 
> Inebriated, Intoxicated
> 
> Jahalered, Jaiked up (West of Scotland),Jan'd - abbrev for Jan Hammered, Jaxied,Jeremied, Jolly
> 
> Kaned
> 
> Lagged up, Lamped, Langered (Ireland) [also langers, langerated], Laroped, or alt.larrupt, Lashed, Leathered, Legless,Liquored up (South Carolina), Locked,Locked out of your mind (Ireland), Loo la
> 
> Mad wey it, Mandoo-ed, Mangled, Manky,Mashed, Meff'd, Merl Haggard, Merry,Minced, Ming-ho, Minging, Moired,Monged, Monkey-full, Mottled, Mullered
> 
> Newcastled, Nicely irrigated with horizontal lubricant
> 
> Off me pickle, Off me trolley, On a campaign, Out of it, Out yer tree
> 
> Paggered, Palintoshed, Paraletic,Peelywally, Peevied, Pickled, Pie-eyed,Pished, Plastered, Poleaxed, Pollatic
> 
> Rat-legged (Stockport), Ratted, Ravaged,Razzled, Reek-ho, Rendered, Rosy glow,Rubbered, Ruined
> 
> Saying hello to Mr Armitage, Scattered,Schindlers, Screwed, Scuttered (Dublin),Shedded [as in " My shed has collapsed taking most of the fence with it"],Slaughtered, Sloshed, Smashed, Snatered(Ireland), Snobbled (Wales), Sozzled,Spangled, Spannered, Spiffed, Spongelled,Squiffy, Steamin, Steampigged, Stocious,Stonkin
> 
> Tanked, Tashered, Tipsy, Trashed,Trollied, Troubled, Trousered, Twisted
> 
> Warped, Wasted, Wellied, With the fairies,Wrecked
> 
> Zombied


----------



## SINC

*142* = Soused


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

​
When I went looking for this image, I found this interesting page.

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

That old British standard: "Bloke gets in your eyes."


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I like a chap who takes the bull by the horns. There's far too little of this these days.


----------



## The Doug

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?


----------



## Kazak

At border crossings and in many other places (including at least Ottawa and Victoria): no one.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes. I remember crossing the border from Canada into the United States at Buffalo once, where a pleasant but quite moronic border guard asked me if I had any tobacco, alcohol or firearms in my luggage.

Later after arriving at the Greyhound bus station in Buffalo, I ventured into the street to find a bank to get some cash. I was immediately approached by a black guy sporting large shades and a huge Afro topped off with a tartan tammie. He asked me if I wanted to "buy a tambourine, man".

I left Buffalo well impressed with the skilful conversational gambits of its inhabitants.


----------



## Kazak

Your refusal left the gentleman rather peed off, thus putting the "urine" in "tambourine."


----------



## The Doug

I understand now. Urine _in_ tambourine - urine _on_ banjo. Or accordion. Or harmonica.


----------



## SINC

But not on tuba, a weightier matter.


----------



## HowEver

U2be.


----------



## KC4

Rnot2be.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My friend at the Greyhound station had a tambourine serenade:

U put ure Urine in,
U put ure Urine out
U put ure Urine in,
and U shakeitallabout.
U do the ukey cukey

......... etc

_That's_ what it's all about.

(It's an old Ukrainian Rain Dance.)


----------



## SINC

When the guy who wrote that song died, just as they were about to lower his coffin into the grave, when he put his left foot out, and well, you know the rest . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As opposed to Charlotte the Harl*t who was buried in a Y-shaped coffin.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> My friend at the Greyhound station had a tambourine serenade:
> 
> U put ure Urine in,
> U put ure Urine out
> U put ure Urine in,
> and U shakeitallabout.
> U do the ukey cukey
> 
> ......... etc
> 
> _That's_ what it's all about.
> 
> (It's an old Ukrainian Rain Dance.)


Sounds like the Tour de France to me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Where _did_ all the flowers go?


----------



## SINC

Well, they aren't here:

moresoon


----------



## medic03

I think I watered them last week.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Where _did_ all the flowers go?


_Has_ anybody here seen my old friend Martin?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is he a dahlia? Or a cornflower?


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

`


----------



## Kazak

TD, I've clicked on all the links, but nothing happens.

SINC, I'm glad I'm still in my 40s.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> TD, I've clicked on all the links, but nothing happens.


That's the wurst pun I've seen in a while.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> That's the wurst pun I've seen in a while.


Agreed. I've never sausage a thing!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Agreed. I've never sausage a thing!


So says Casing4.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> So says Casing4.


:lmao:

Don't be such a bratwurst!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## ehMax

Just wondering.... How did this "Test" thread get to 3,673 replies and 84,096 views??   :lmao:


----------



## MissGulch

Make up tests.


----------



## SINC

Testing . . . testing . . .


----------



## ehMax

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

That's the spirit ehMax! :clap:


----------



## Chris

More spirits!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

ehMax said:


> Just wondering.... How did this "Test" thread get to 3,673 replies and 84,096 views??   :lmao:


We suspect like this:


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, and here all along I thought is was like this:


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

wrong - past tense of _wring_
_e.g._ When I told her to get a life, she tried to wrong my neck.
_e.g._ That was a tough interview; they really put me through the wronger.
_see also_ mangle


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

Don't make an asterisk of yourself.


----------



## Kazak

I'll have you know I'm a dingbat, not an asterisk. So there, pbbbbbft.


----------



## KC4

oooohhh ooooohhh Kaaaayzaaaak, I have a NEW Friend for you!


----------



## Kazak

I thought it would be Zapf Brannigan:





​


----------



## The Doug

˙pǝʎɐld ɹǝllıɯ uuǝlƃ ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ʎoq


----------



## SINC

ǝpɐɹɐd ʇıɥ ǝɥʇ ǝpɐɯ ʇɐɥʇ sƃuos


----------



## KC4

I ǝvɐɥ come oʇ the ǝlqɐʇivǝuı confusion ʇɐɥʇ I don't know ʍɥıcɥ ǝup sı up.


----------



## Kazak

This end is up:





​


----------



## The Doug

I refuse to ǝʌǝılǝq ʇı.


----------



## Kazak

Fortunately, it does not require your belief to exist.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Good one, Sinc. Very profound.


----------



## Dr.G.

"But the Raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if its soul in that one word he did outpour
Nothing farther then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered--
Till I scarcely more than muttered: "Other friends have flown before--
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said "Nevermore." " Edgar Allen Poe


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It would open a can of worms.


----------



## The Doug

Better than canning a worm of openings methinks - wait, make that _methought_, as you will read this post after I have submitted it (with all due solemnity of course) and moved onto something else, such as falling asleep on the chesterfield again.


----------



## Kazak

Ah, a nap-friendly couch is a friend, indeed. Even the loveseat, which requires knees-bent napping, has provided me with many satisfying pre- and post-dinner snoozes.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

A warrior prepares for battle.


----------



## Kazak

I assume "warrior" was a typo.






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or a hippo.


----------



## The Doug

But never on Sunday.


----------



## Kazak

I don't want a hippo on my sundae, either.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That would be a parfait treat.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, SINC, but that's what we call wishful thinking.


----------



## KC4

That's the pits.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> That's the pits.


So's this:


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Definitely not to be sniffed at.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Do youse all in Canada have reflective  'cat's eyes' for lane markings embedded in your roads?


----------



## The Doug

Why, yes we don't.


----------



## KC4

We cold use 'em but the snow plows them off.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Do youse all in Canada have reflective  'cat's eyes' for lane markings embedded in your roads?


What are you doing, SQ? Trying to turn this into an informative thread? Sheesh.

(We have them in some, but not all, roads. They're kind of redundant, since tires tend to automatically move to the grooves in the wavy roads.)


----------



## SINC

Nope, we don't have 'em, except, well, only there.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, OK. But why do they use cat's eyes?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They tried to use cats' bottoms over here but needed twice as many cats.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

There was a feline that something else was required.


----------



## The Doug

I was going to say something catty but I realised that this discussion is a bit of a dog.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Paws for thought, then?


----------



## SINC

I'm gonna peel the bark off this one and change the subject.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Purrfect. I thought you'd be lion in wait for an opportunity.


----------



## SINC

Yeah, it beats doggin' it all day long.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Pfantastic


----------



## SINC

Pexactly!


----------



## Kazak

Reminds me of the old joke about how Elvis the Pelvis had a brother named Enis.


----------



## The Doug

Ah yes, Enis from Venus.


----------



## SINC

And his young sister Venus Fly Rap.


----------



## Chris

Better zip that fly up!


----------



## KC4

Umm, Your fly is down.


----------



## Kazak

No, he just wants his wittle bewwy scratched, don't you, yes you do, my wittle wooja booja.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yeh. 

I'll bet he'll get a buzz out of that.


----------



## Kazak

He's made a living out of winging it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are we nearly there yet?


----------



## Sonal

Just five more minutes.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I missed it.


----------



## SINC

I dismissed it.


----------



## Kazak

I Swiss Missed it.


----------



## Chris

Mmmm, swiss rolls!


----------



## SINC

Mmmm, English rolls!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mmmmm. Rissoles.


----------



## The Doug

Mmmm. Rissoles then Profiteroles for dessert.


----------



## Kazak

Ringo: I've got a hole in me pocket.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Chris

Doug, are you off your meds again?


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Methinks that club is compensating for something . . .


----------



## The Doug

Yes. Compensating for his being incapable of flight.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My grandad could fly. He flew all over the world, but they covered it up because it would have put the aero industries out of business if it had caught on. It's like this thing with cigarettes and lung cancer. Rubbish. My uncle smoked a 100 a day and lived til he was 102. Goes to show don't it? Drank 20 pints every night down the pub, had the lungs and liver of a 22 year old when he died. Never had a day's illness in his life. Never worried about anything - that was the secret. Like this swine flu rubbish. Then there's global warming. It's because of all the people. Too many. Pumping out heat 100 watts per person. Nothing to do with burning fossil fuels. It's been scientifically proven by the petrol companies. That Al Gore should get a proper job instead of winding people up and putting wrong ideas in their heads. Radiation's another thing. It's natural so it must be OK. Trees cause more pollution than anything else. Trees are the real terrorists. In fact most terrorists are genetically modified trees. It's a well known fact they run a mile if you wave an axe at them. The CIA have known about it for years. This recession was caused by fluoride in the tap water. Another dirty little secret. Fluoride interacts with brain function when you're exposed to computer screens full of different coloured numbers racing about. Photo-fluoro neuro something they call it. Had to cause instability in the markets sometime. Can't say they weren't warned. Remember General Jack Ripper? Everyone thought he was a crackpot, but he was right. Too many smart alec scientists trying to pull a fast one so's to get more 'research' money. Can't even forecast the weather right most of the time. As for asteroids ... that's another one of their cons. Get us all wetting ourselves with Deep Impact, when it's the Armageddon-spirit that's needed. Most asteroids would evaporate in the atmosphere anyway. Ronald Reagan was right - "You ain't seen nothin yet," he said.

Makes my blood boil.


----------



## The Doug

Hey - I was going to say that.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Always the bridesmaid never the bride.

I'll bet you were going to spill the beans about the 'Moon landings' as well, eh?


----------



## The Doug

I have always been of the firm opinion that beans are better eaten than spilled (well, most of the time). Click here for the truth about the moon missions.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I have always been of the firm opinion that beans are better eaten than spilled (well, most of the time).


Re: most of the time: I was almost killed by a three-bean salad once.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Re: most of the time: I was almost killed by a three-bean salad once.


Good thing - because that would have made you a has being.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Good thing - because that would have made you a has being.


Nope, but I would buy a "has bean"!


----------



## KC4

^^^ Great! Here are the current prices...
Natural Gas (Henry Hub)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Re: most of the time: I was almost killed by a three-bean salad once.


Always wear a seat belt when eating beans. The astronauts do.


----------



## The Doug

As do members of the Flatus Earth Society.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Sly Artillerymen, cheesecutters one and all.


----------



## KC4

In the words of William Prescott during the inFamous Battle of Bummer Hill...


"Don't FIRE until you see the HEIGHTS of their PIES!" 

...or something like that...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's all very well, but someone has to clear up afterwards you know.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Here I sit all broken hearted, 
paid a dime and only....


----------



## The Doug

*farted*


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The Recidivist Trio (see Sinc's bathroom wall). Didn't they have a hit with "Tom Dooley"?


----------



## KC4

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley,
Hang down your head and cry.
Hang down your head Tom Dooley,
Your tie is caught in your fly.......


----------



## SINC

There's another largely unknown verse to that song that that starts out:

Hang down my leg, Long T . . .

Well, I'll end it there for now, but it does indeed rhyme.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> The Recidivist Trio (see Sinc's bathroom wall). Didn't they have a hit with "Tom Dooley"?


It was panned by the critics.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of being panned . . .


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## The Doug

Bam!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ideal for the chairman of a steering committee, I'd say. (I would.) (Wouldn't I?)


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ideal for the chairman of a steering committee, I'd say. (I would.) (Wouldn't I?)


.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'd get that seen to if I were you. How do you manage to sit down?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's the ticket. Relief written all over.


----------



## The Doug

Must have been one heck of a vindaloo.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A veritable pebble-dasher.


----------



## Kazak

I can't believe you all let this one go:






​
I'm going to give you another chance.


----------



## The Doug

I am having trouble viewing the image as there is too much bacon fat on my screen.


----------



## SINC

Good Lard, what's goin' on?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fat lot of good that's going to do.


----------



## KC4

I be match-baker, yes yes.. - He's PERFECT.... very cute, has a charming giggle and heybaby a LOT of dough to spread around.Yes! oooohhh Look! Isn't that sweeeet....Give him a hug! I'm sure you two could work together nicely!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> .


:lmao::lmao:

I heard that Miss November is such a tart.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> .





Dr.G. said:


> :lmao::lmao:
> 
> I heard that Miss November is such a tart.


:lmao::lmao::lmao:
(Wipes away coffee spewed onto display) 
You guys really take the CAKE!
Bring it back.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> :lmao::lmao::lmao:
> (Wipes away coffee spewed onto display)
> You guys really take the CAKE!
> Bring it back.


KC4, this is nothing compared to the centerfold poster of Miss August celebrating the 40th anniversary of Woodstock. Her "Flour Power" outfit even made it on to the cover of Rolling Scones magazine and caused a big stir.


----------



## SINC

Dr.G. said:


> KC4, this is nothing compared to the centerfold poster of Miss August celebrating the 40th anniversary of Woodstock. Her "Flour Power" outfit even made it on to the cover of Rolling Scones magazine and caused a big stir.


It sure did!


----------



## Dr.G.

Yes, Mother Jones magazine has had a running battle with Rolling Scones for years now. Actually, the woman in the picture that represents Mother Jones is actually named Nelly Bakeapple, who is NOT your mother's Betty Crocker.

Mother Jones


----------



## KC4

Which inspired the hit movie...


----------



## Dr.G.

:lmao::lmao: Yes, the dough hit the fan with that movie.



KC4 said:


> Which inspired the hit movie...


----------



## Kazak

That's batter.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> That's batter.



:lmao:

The batter was not bitter because the butter was better ........... at least during this test.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Sometimes it's just best not to know.


----------



## SINC

Or to know your knot:


----------



## KC4

It's on a kneed to no basis.
I'd rather knot know it now. 
Snot important.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## KC4

Only the nose knows.


----------



## SINC

Speakin' of noses . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yeah!


----------



## Kazak

"The guitar player was a skinny geezer with a big nose who twirled his arm like a windmill."​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

That's some dumbbell.


----------



## GratuitousApplesauce

This thread is soooo weird, it's messing with my computer.

Edit: It's getting worse now ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Too much applesauce can do that to anything. I know.


----------



## KC4

Leave it to SQ to get into the sauce and then tell about it.


----------



## Kazak

Peter Brady.


----------



## The Doug

Mais oui!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

Yes please.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Trying to curry favour, eh?


----------



## The Doug

Don't tell me you couldn't see it cumin.


----------



## Dr.G.

Dessert is on me. I would not drink the soda, however.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Don't tell me you couldn't see it cumin.


Well, I'm not a sage.


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> I would not drink the soda, however.


. . . or the Kool-Aid.​


----------



## KC4

Dill you seed that MUSTARD get caraway?:
That anise maced Rosemary this thyme!
He's gonna be sorrel for this caper....


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Dill you seed that MUSTARD get caraway?:
> That anise maced Rosemary this thyme!
> He's gonna be sorrel for this caper....



:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


>



SQ, this is my favorite Donovan song, both live and in the studio. Paix, mon ami.

YouTube - Donovan : Catch The Wind (Live BBC) HQ

YouTube - Donovan - Catch The Wind


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I remember it all.

They call me ...


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I remember it all.
> 
> They call me ...


I thought that they called your The Hurdy Gurdy Man???

YouTube - DONOVAN - HURDY GURDY MAN


----------



## Kazak

Quiz Time
What's the connection between Donovan and this little guy?





​


----------



## Dr.G.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (hitting the buzzer) -- "I have no idea, Alex."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They've both been arrested for possession of marijuana.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Quiz Time
> What's the connection between Donovan and this little guy?
> View attachment 11501​


They both would be conspicuous and unexpected additions to a salad, or casserole.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Memo to self: make appt. for eye test.


----------



## The Doug

There I was, working so hard to put mystery into French Dressing, and that dang Pompeian Olive Oil Corp. came along and ruined everything.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, we know what Popeye's secret is, but what (or whom) is Olive doing to get her hands so big?


----------



## SINC

Taking lessons from this guy:


----------



## KC4

Whoo! How would that guy keep his hands to himself?


----------



## The Doug

I think that picture has been Photoshopped!


----------



## SINC

No sh!t Sherlock!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Okay, we know what Popeye's secret is, but what (or whom) is Olive doing to get her hands so big?


She warms them on Popeye's pipe.


----------



## Kazak

Gotta love that wacky tobaccy.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

Hello ? Hello?
Who's there?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Banana: "Thinks ... there's no one in."


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

" 'I am,' I said."


----------



## KC4

Did you ever read about the frog who dreamed of becomin' a King?


----------



## Kazak

Yes, the early 70s, when Neil's hairline was still visible from the front.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

Yes, the early 70s, when Charles still had a snowball's chance of becoming king.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Yes, the early 70s, when Charles still had a snowball's chance of becoming king.


.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## The Doug

This is not a love songggg_ah_.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

aah


----------



## Kazak

"He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh... ”


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh ... but there's always time for a spot of pole dancing along the way”


----------



## SINC

Indeed:


----------



## Kazak

Indeed, indeed.





​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

You should have seen the dog!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If I had a zloty for every Pole dance I've seen ... 'ee by gum, lad ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> You should have seen the dog!


That would have been quite a scoop.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> If I had a zloty for every Pole dance I've seen ... 'ee by gum, lad ...


. . . you could go to the nearest casino and feed them into a zlot machine.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I wish I'd zed that.


----------



## Kazak

Omega deal with you, zen you can zay you zaid it.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Zzzzzzz ...


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> aah





Snapple Quaffer said:


> Zzzzzzz ...


Well, SQ, you seem to have covered it all. I dub thee Sir Snalpha-Betaffer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My master plan has come to fruition. All hail the fruit.


----------



## Ottawaman

what is love?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Col. Sanders' love child - to have ended up like this ... (_sob_)


----------



## KC4

I wouldn't have had the huevos to do that.


----------



## Kazak

I'm disappointed in the prevailing speciesist assumption that this is a human in a chicken suit. Who are we to decide that this isn't a _bona fide_, oversized, talented chicken with prosthetic hands and a ventilator? Or maybe it's a hyperactive larch. Or an alien. Elvis? MJ? Jimmy Hoffa?

I suspect that KC4 isn't really a fish, but it's not my place to assume either way. Does it matter if O-Man is a Vulcan or not? Is SQ an alien? Is SINC a button? Ultimately, it's none of my (or our) business.

Sorry, just feeling a little henpecked.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, these assumptions are a little cocky.


----------



## SINC

And they've obviously come to roost in this thread.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I'm disappointed in the prevailing speciesist assumption that this is a human in a chicken suit. Who are we to decide that this isn't a _bona fide_, oversized, talented chicken with prosthetic hands and a ventilator? Or maybe it's a hyperactive larch. Or an alien. Elvis? MJ? Jimmy Hoffa?
> 
> I suspect that KC4 isn't really a fish, but it's not my place to assume either way. Does it matter if O-Man is a Vulcan or not? Is SQ an alien? Is SINC a button? Ultimately, it's none of my (or our) business.
> 
> Sorry, just feeling a little henpecked.


There there Dear Kazak....

Maybe a little walkies would make you feel better?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Col. Sanders' love child - to have ended up like this ... (_sob_)


Here here Snapple....(have a tissue - blow your nose) ..maybe this will cheer you up too...

Christmas Eve With Colonel Sanders-Album Record LP - eBay (item 260523593421 end time Dec-21-09 06:46:11 PST)

Go for it Snapple, I KNOW you want it......


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> There there Dear Kazak....
> 
> Maybe a little walkies would make you feel better?


Arf!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Go for it Snapple, I KNOW you want it......


Thank you, KC4. And I have a present for you :


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Thank you, KC4. And I have a present for you :


Thanks Snapple. How nice of you. I lichen it.
Do you still have the receipt?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You can take it back to any branch.


----------



## The Doug

You woodn't know just by looking at it.


----------



## Kazak

We all know what a fun-gi Doug is.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Does it matter if O-Man is a Vulcan or not?


Sorry if this is old news, but I just realized that Ottawa would have to be one of the worst places for a Vulcan to live, along with, say, Washington DC, Victoria . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Zzzzz .... whazzat ... mfkwkfmf ...



Onan was a Vulcan ?!!

I knew it! I knew it all along!


----------



## Kazak

And you thought his _ears_ were pointed . . .


----------



## KC4

I hear O-Man may have had, er, surgical assistance in the name of his beautifully pointed ears. 
Just take an umbrella with you when it rains. 

Oh, no opposable thumbs?
Pity.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Vulcans have dogs too.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Vulcans have dogs too.


:lmao: Yes, but some Vulcans, like Mr. Spock, have dogs that are part Vulcan and part Earth cannines.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

See? See? The shadow behind him doesn't match his head or his hand, so that proves the moon landing was faked.


----------



## KC4

That's O-Man's doberman Span, admiring his master's ear.


----------



## The Doug

The only thing that is true is that none of this is true.


----------



## KC4

"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
Mark Twain


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> "Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
> Mark Twain


"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." Mark Twain


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> "Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
> Mark Twain


"If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics." - Will Rogers


----------



## Kazak

"Yump." - Wainey


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> "If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics." - Will Rogers



:clap::clap::clap:


----------



## The Doug

Boy, Spock's shirt sure is blueee.


----------



## Kazak

consider Spock's shirt
he is First Officer but
an officer first?


----------



## KC4

My second attempt 
Write haiku right or get
busted by Kazak.


----------



## The Doug

Great. Now I'm going to have to file not one, but *two* Haiku Incident Reports.


----------



## SINC

Just as long as they are being reported . . .


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Great. Now I'm going to have to file not one, but *two* Haiku Incident Reports.


Sorry, but before they come for _me_, I have to bust KC4 for her 5-6-5 non-haiku. Now Doug, you only have to file one report.

an ominous knock
they have come for me at last
Look! the leader's SINC.


----------



## KC4

SINC! Kazak's 
being _mean_ to me again today.
Do something.

<----Just _look_ at this saaaad face.


----------



## Kazak

It's not easy being a fish: you have to either SINC or swim.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> It's not easy being a fish: you have to either SINC or swim.


.


----------



## SINC

The Fish Slapping Dance


----------



## KC4

uh oh.
Fryer Doubles as Fish Aquarium – Is it fish abuse or not?


----------



## Kazak

I can just hear all the teen fish: "Come on, break the surface. I dare ya."


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> uh oh.
> Fryer Doubles as Fish Aquarium – Is it fish abuse or not?


.


----------



## Kazak

The service was followed by a frosty reception.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

.


----------



## The Doug

;


----------



## Kazak

:


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## KC4

-<o>[]<o>-


----------



## Kazak

punctuation marks
a new communication
repurposing dots

my pal KC4
in the spirit of fairness
you get one more chance


----------



## SINC

A Japanese guy on the toilet:

(>_<)

(o_o)

(0_0)

(^_^)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A Haipoo?


----------



## KC4

Too short - Not the traditional 5-7-5 structure.....is _chocolated_ a real word? Kazak will be on _this_ case too!


----------



## KC4

Woot Woot Woot Wooty
Whooty WOOT Woot woot Woot Woot 
Woot WOOTY WOOTY


----------



## Kazak

Of course, "chocolated" is not a word, but perhaps it should be. Everyone knows what it means. I like the idea of "found haiku," and the container is close. This is one I came up with:

laxative for con-
stipation, free sample, one
bar of two tablets

Woot!

Of course, one normally never splits a word between lines in a haiku, but you have to admit that "con------stipation" makes a lot of sense. So, SQ gets his Haipoo after all.


----------



## KC4

Haipoo hath been written and the rules and exceptionations hath been spoketheth by the werd nerd. Case closeth.


----------



## KC4

Is it fundamentally flawed for a fish to _bait?_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm not sure I'd take Ex Lax for constipation.

For constipation, I'd take a diet of a dozen or so sandwiches made from sliced white bread with a consistency of aerated putty, filled with those tasteless processed Kraft cheese slices, followed by a nice big, soggy suet pudding covered in cream. That would bung things up nicely for a while.

For the relief of constipation, however, I'd take a leafy salad laced with castor and almond oil dressing, followed by a bowl of rhubarb and prunes.


----------



## Kazak

And while we're taking things literally, if people can have constipation, can they also have _pro_stipation?

KC4, if that's baiting, you're not going to get many bites. You're much too nice.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Is it fundamentally flawed for a fish to _bait?_


E.g. a bass to bait?


----------



## Kazak

bat bait bet beet bit bite bought boat but boot (and sometimes beaut).


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I'm not sure I'd take Ex Lax for constipation.
> 
> For constipation, I'd take a diet of a dozen or so sandwiches made from sliced white bread with a consistency of aerated putty, filled with those tasteless processed Kraft cheese slices, followed by a nice big, soggy suet pudding covered in cream. That would bung things up nicely for a while.
> .


Hey, the Grammar Geek is out tonight too...Woot! _That_ culinary assembly,_ if_ successfully ingested, would most likely come out the _other_ end.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> .


Oh Yeaaaaah, That's _my_ ride......



+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.




 Thanks for the _Beaut_ portrait News Nerd.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> bat bait bet beet bit bite bought boat but boot (and sometimes beaut).


I bit Snapple's meal and you can bet I bought the boat to boot.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> E.g. a bass to bait?


Yep - a sport for the Masters...




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.






Just don't forget your bait Snapple.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> I bit Snapple's meal and you can bet I bought the boat to boot.


Bite the follow up meal and you'll shoot the rapids.


----------



## The Doug

Today's secret word is:

Ookpik


----------



## SINC

How many Ooks can I pik?


----------



## The Doug

How many sticks would an ookpik flick if an ookpik could flick sticks?


----------



## KC4

Take your pik.


----------



## SINC

You're piking my interest in those furry creatures.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Phoebe Cates!





​


----------



## KC4

You're barking.


----------



## Kazak

Pavlov knew his stuff.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Pavlov knew his stuff.


Alas Tom never knew.


----------



## The Doug

That's a fairly perky turkey.


----------



## Kazak

The leftovers will become perky turkey jerky.


----------



## SINC

Hmmmm, perky turkey jerky, eh?


----------



## KC4

The leg-men may wish to consider switching camps....


----------



## Kazak

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
White meat all the way . . .


----------



## The Doug

Oh what fun it is to ride
with an ookpik in my sleigh, eh...


----------



## Kazak

​AMC, AMC
Gremlin drove away,
With a tribble behind the wheel,
The Klingons ran away.


----------



## KC4

HARK! Harold the angel sings!.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(Merry Christmas Test Pilots...)


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

My first car was the 4-door Matador. Ugly as sin, but I've never felt safer in any vehicle. I used to stop on the tracks to scare the trains.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

One of his finer acting moments (just don't tell him I said so).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Does he _know_ himself?


----------



## SINC

Do You Know Yourself?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Do You Know Yourself?


Seems like I do, but I am a simple and humble person.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Do You Know Yourself?


Oh yeah, _I_ do. It's _others_ that usually claim otherwise.


----------



## Kazak

Know knead.


----------



## Dr.G.

Knock Kneed


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Knew knude


----------



## Dr.G.

Knute Rockne

YouTube - Win one for the Gipper


----------



## SINC

Knuttin' new here.


----------



## The Doug

Rockne gently, Rockne slowly.


----------



## KC4

What newt'chew?


----------



## SINC

I Gnu that.


----------



## Kazak

We are the Knights who say "Gni"?


----------



## Chris

Ecki, ecki, ecki, f'tang, f'tang, zwoop! _ni!_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That'll be the Gnewts who say "Gnu".


----------



## Dr.G.

As they say, you can't teach and old newt gnu tricks.


----------



## Kazak

The Gnostic gnat gnawed on a gnarly gnu.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

No gnus is good gnus.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> No gnus is good gnus.


Except for the New York Times who have the motto "All the gnus that's fit to print".


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They pinched that line from the Gnu York Times!


----------



## SINC

Well, you know what they say, no gnus is good gnus.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> They pinched that line from the Gnu York Times!


I think it was the Gnu Yuk Post that had that motto first back in 1801.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

So I herd.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Read about it in The Buffalo News.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Read about it in The Buffalo News.


Shuffle off to Buffalo .............. an old Vaudeville act for hoofers.


----------



## KC4

This conversation has me buffaloed.


----------



## SINC

It's getting plains silly.


----------



## Kazak

In 2032, Buffalo, New York will celebrate its bison-tennial.


----------



## SINC

Which reminds me I know a pal who is a big burly guy and has a bison. He's not too happy about his son's preferences.


----------



## Kazak

Post #4000! Woot!

We now return to our regularly-scheduled silliness.


----------



## Kazak

Say it five times fast:

Schenectady


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Say it five times fast:
> 
> Schenectady


When I say this, Niskayuna, New York comes to mind. Strange.


----------



## KC4

Walla Walla


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This page big error!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> This page big error!



Umm . . . ditto?






​


----------



## KC4

Here I am 
On the road again 
There I am 
Up on the stage 
Here I go 
Playin' star again 
There I go .....


----------



## KC4

...Turn the Page.
- Bob Seger


----------



## KC4

*Calling All Test Pilots!
Come in, Test Pilots.....
*






(First Page 0f 2010)


----------



## Kazak

I can't hold her . . . she's breaking up . . . she's breaking up . . .


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> +
> YouTube Video
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Wow, now that is a blast from the past. :clap:


----------



## KC4

Here's another...


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Here's another...


Actually, that was an interesting movie re the possibility that might have taken place way back in the 50s and early 60s.


----------



## Kazak

For other uses of bomb shelters, see Donald Fagen's "New Frontier."


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I can't hold her . . . she's breaking up . . . she's breaking up . . .


SKKOKKK
MEDIC! Man Down! 
ssKkkokKK
Come in Dr. G! Send medical team to Kazak's last known coordinates....Over!
SSKKOKK
Come in SINC! Maintain your position over land at all times. You came by your call name for a reason. ...Over..
SSKKoKKKkk
Come in The Doug! Stand-by on ready recovery if Kazak has plowed himself in again....Over.
sKKoKKK
Come in SQ! Report to HQ ASAP if you get a VID on Kazak in your Q...Over....
SkkkOKKK...
Calling all other pilots in broadcast area to be on High Alert...Over.
Skkkokkkkkkkk


----------



## Kazak

The Six-Million-Dollar Dog?


----------



## Chris

Barque, barque!


----------



## Dr.G.

"Come in Dr. G! Send medical team to Kazak's last known coordinates....Over!" 

On our way. The motto of the Doxie Rescue Patrol is "Death before Dishonor".


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> SKKOKKK
> ssKkkokKK
> SSKKOKK
> SSKKoKKKkk
> sKKoKKK
> SkkkOKKK...
> Skkkokkkkkkkk


That KC4, all she thinks about is skoks.


----------



## KC4

Chris said:


> Barque, barque!


Navy Seal Officer Chris to the rescue! 
Hope those Doxies are equipped with SCUBA gear.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> That KC4, all she thinks about is skoks.


Don't give me any static werd nerd! I've been sending out the special ehMac elite forces to search and rescue your canine carcass.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Navy Seal Officer Chris to the rescue!
> Hope those Doxies are equipped with SCUBA gear.


Yes, they have their own mini-sub.


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> "Come in Dr. G! Send medical team to Kazak's last known coordinates....Over!"
> 
> On our way. The motto of the Doxie Rescue Patrol is "Death before Dishonor".


Excellent Dr. G. Please instruct the Doxie Patrol to ensure that they all perform mouth to mouth resuscitation on Pilot Kazak....


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Excellent Dr. G. Please instruct the Doxie Patrol to ensure that they all perform mouth to mouth resuscitation on Pilot Kazak....


Will do ............. Open wide now .................


----------



## Chris

No tongue!


----------



## Dr.G.

Chris said:


> No tongue!


Oh ............ but that is how a doxie does their form of Expired Air Resuscitation (EAR)/Expired Air Ventilation (EAV) mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Chris

Dr.G. said:


> Oh ............ but that is how a doxie does their form of Expired Air Resuscitation (EAR)/Expired Air Ventilation (EAV) mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.


Ahh, so _that's_ why it's such an effective treatment!


----------



## Kazak

"Auugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!"


----------



## KC4

So you have Dog Lips! Relax...

At least the Doxies didn't have to resort to the "Leg Pumps" to get the water out of your lungs.


----------



## Chris

Those poor doxies; so self-sacrificing, so selfless. Who knows what they caught from Kazak?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Chris said:


> Those poor doxies; so self-sacrificing, so selfless. Who knows what they caught from Kazak?


Not sure what they caught, but they have been out hunting badgers (see the bones) and their eyes are starting to glow. It could be Kazakitis, which is what changed around the children in The Village of the Damned. 

We shall see.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Do doxies eat oxies?


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Do doxies eat oxies?


Yes, the leg bone of an ox ................. and alligators .............


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Do doxies eat oxies?


Are all oxies morons?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> Yes, the leg bone of an ox ................. and alligators .............


I can hear it now ... "An alligator sandwich, please. And make it snappy will you?"


----------



## SINC

Sorry, but that's a croc.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Are all oxies morons?


:lmao::lmao: Good one, Sinc.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I can hear it now ... "An alligator sandwich, please. And make it snappy will you?"


:lmao::lmao::lmao: Good one, SQ.


----------



## KC4

I THUNC SINC was SUNC,
That the LUNC JUNC'D for the DUNC
But that THUNC was BUNC.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> I THUNC SINC was SUNC,
> That the LUNC JUNC'D for the DUNC
> But that THUNC was BUNC.



Sounds like the latest Def Leppard song on their new CD "Snow Leopards".


----------



## Kazak

kc4 said:


> i thunc sinc was sunc,
> that the lunc junc'd for the dunc
> but that thunc was bunc.


√


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Radical.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Radical.


Inspirational


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Radical.


. . . or at least regicidal.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> . . . or at least regicidal.


Hah! Check Mate by the Werd Nerd! I had to look that one up!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You chess had to eh? Board?


----------



## KC4

If I wasted all my spare change, would I be committing coincide?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> You chess had to eh? Board?


Rook here, you. I've had enough of this for pawn knight.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Rook here, you. I've had enough of this for pawn knight.


Big mistake, K-man. Checkmate!!!!!

Next .........................


----------



## KC4

Check Mate...


----------



## Kazak

"You've got love darlin', I've got sex
You've got cash, mama, and I've got checks"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sex ... what the rich folk used to get their coal delivered in.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> If I wasted all my spare change, would I be committing coincide?


How much cents is there in that?


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> If I wasted all my spare change, would I be committing coincide?


Nope, it would be coincide.ntal.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> "You've got love darlin', I've got sex
> You've got cash, mama, and I've got checks"


I can still remember packed together like a can of sardines
Ooh no, no, no..
Pushin', shovin', that's when lovin' starts to come apart at the seams
Oh no...no, n-no, no, no....



Snapple Quaffer said:


> Sex ... what the rich folk used to get their coal delivered in.


....or these.....
DOUBLE Check Mate again! Woot!


----------



## Kazak

"We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker"

(a great song, too)


----------



## Kazak

... or this:





​


----------



## Kazak

. . . or this:





​


----------



## Kazak

You get the picture.





​


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak to the rescue ...................... Hi yo, Checkmate.

YouTube - The Lone Ranger Opening Theme Song


----------



## KC4

Hah!
4 A More Prague-matic approach.....
Czech Mate!


----------



## SINC

Do you suppose they have Czech out counter?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Someone say 'cheese'?

How you play cheese?


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Do you suppose they have Czech out counter?


I'd bet you can find one in every bar.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Someone say 'cheese'?
> 
> How you play cheese?


Cheez Whiz Snapple, I don't know Monterey Jack about it.
Dairy must be a whey.

Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?


Cheez Whizzed?


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Cheez Whizzed?


Cheez Wuz.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Brielliant!


----------



## Kazak

No, no, no. We've DONE cheese, to death, frankly. KC4 is excused, because she wasn't here yet then, but SQ, you should know better. I want to know if KC4 liked her grape jelly on Ritzes. I also want to know if everyone here buys their grape jelly, or if any of you gruyere own.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I also want to know if everyone here buys their grape jelly, or if any of you gruyere own.


You just couldn't resist, could you? Admit it - you can't kick the cheese habit, even though you tried to wriggle out of it by trying to distract us with a dollop of grape jelly.

Now, get appenzell and write out 100 times: "I'm Kazak, and I'm a cheese addict."


----------



## KC4

Don't be Bleu Kaz....as soon as we've all Havarti our fun with it it will be a Feta accompli.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This is going to be a rarebit of fun.


----------



## The Doug

*4079*


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## KC4

I got it, I got it, I got it!
I got your number on the wall!


----------



## Kazak

853 5937

(It's by Squeeze.)


----------



## SINC

409

Beach Boys


----------



## Kazak

One after 909.

You-know-who.


----------



## Dr.G.

Love Potion #9


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> 853 5937


Yes.

If you please to send me the bank account details for you, I can arrange for the 853 5937 British GB pounds Sterling to put them in your bank account. First I must have your identity to prevent the fraud.

Your friend, Chief Abingingdingole.


----------



## Kazak

Yo, Chief:

Ramalamadingdong yourself.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is that the phone ringing?


----------



## SINC

One ringy dingy





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One foxy doxy!


----------



## Kazak

One oldish goldfish!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> One oldish goldfish!


HEY! I resemble that remark you vulpine canine!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Vulpine canine ... foxy doxie?


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Vulpine canine ... foxy doxie?


Yes, that would be correct. A rare breed and very indangered here in Canada.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

What are the chances of finding a foxy doxie in Biloxi?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or a twirlin' merlin in Berlin?


----------



## The Doug

Or twice finding gneiss in Nice with my nice friend Zeiss?


----------



## KC4

Or an Episcopalian Pygmalion alien in Australian mammalians?


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> What are the chances of finding a foxy doxie in Biloxi?


Nil. Doxies were banned from the State of Mississippi during the second world war, and have not been allowed back since that time. :-(


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'll bet you can get a Moxie in Biloxi.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hell'll freeze below zero degrees before fresh cheese is seen in Belize.


(Yes!)


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I'll bet you can get a Moxie in Biloxi.


That is possible. Go down to Big Ed's Bar and Grill on Front Street, tell them that Dr.G. sent you, and you shall have your moxie on the house.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Hell'll freeze below zero degrees before fresh cheese is seen in Belize.
> 
> 
> (Yes!)


YES! 
More Cheese Please!


----------



## Kazak

For the best zest West of Budapest (without being undressed, I guess), we and the rest are blessed with "Test."

(Don't protest: I had to get that off my chest.)


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> For the best zest West of Budapest (without being undressed, I guess), we and the rest are blessed with "Test."
> 
> (Don't protest: I had to get that off my chest.)


Kazak, for someone who is the Typhoid Mary for Kazakitis disease, you are a very good wordsmith. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Budapest? Pah! In Würzburg I pursed my lips and cursed, having seen the worst, my first burst wurst.


----------



## Macfury

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Budapest? Pah! In Würzburg I pursed my lips and cursed, having seen the worst, my first burst wurst.


In Toronto? Oh no! No burst wurst but the Pogo to go, at a loonie or so, was quid pro quo.


----------



## KC4

Mi amigo Hugo had mucho gusto
for fresco chorizo until a bronco lasso 
gave him a pronto heave ho 
from the Pueblo.
Ergo, the whacko will forgo 
his poncho for a Speedo in Oslo.
(Photo’s a no-show).


----------



## Kazak

And Dr. G. called _me_ the wordsmith. SQ, Mf, and KC4, I am humbled by your lexical dexterity.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mighty praise, O Palindromic One, which leaves me toothless, er drooling, er, I mean gurning ... um spatchcocked, er spittleflecked ...

... where is that f***ing dictionary?


----------



## KC4

Snapple may be gobstopped (or perhaps should be) but I am honored to be placed with such clever company by La Grande Fromage, the toast of text, the word nerd, the spirit of spelling; yes, the Kazakazi Test Pilot himself. 

I’d like to thank the (Space) Academy….

...and send a large towel over to Snapple's table please.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> And Dr. G. called _me_ the wordsmith. SQ, Mf, and KC4, I am humbled by your lexical dexterity.


Yes, you are the only one suffering from Kazakitis ........... which is similar to Doxieitis .................... and that is fatal. :-(XX)


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> Yes, you are the only one suffering from Kazakitis ........... which is similar to Doxieitis .................... and that is fatal. :-(XX)


I am hoping that Kazak's shots are all up to date.....after all it _was_ Snapple that was frothing at the mouth.


----------



## Kazak

Remember, oh Carassius auratus (I looked it up), that Kazak, by virtue of being chronosynclastically infundibulated, does not need to worry about conventional mortality.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Remember, oh Carassius auratus (I looked it up), that Kazak, by virtue of being chronosynclastically infundibulated, does not need to worry about conventional mortality.


Kazak can hide in his ice palace and stay safe from we mortals who have a lump of Kazaknite.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Snapple may be gobstopped (or perhaps should be) ...
> ...and send a large towel over to Snapple's table please.


And change the water in KC4's bowl, please.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And change the water in KC4's bowl, please.


Is she drinking the Kool-Aid once again???


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And change the water in KC4's bowl, please.


.


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> Is she drinking the Kool-Aid once again???


No Dr. G, the cooking wine and the cooking tequila, but never the cooking sherry...not unless I _want_ to jump start a vomit.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> No Dr. G, the cooking wine and the cooking tequila, but never the cooking sherry...not unless I _want_ to jump start a vomit.


That is good to hear, KC4.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And change the water in KC4's bowl, please.


Thank You Snapple - you are so thoughtful. 

But I must tell you, it's not PC anymore to put G-Fish in bowls. We have been traumatized by bowls glass and porcelain for too many years. I feel flushed just mentioning it. 

We much prefer to be tanked.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Thank You Snapple - you are so thoughtful.
> 
> But I must tell you, it's not PC anymore to put G-Fish in bowls. We have been traumatized by bowls glass and porcelain for too many years. I feel flushed just mentioning it.
> 
> We much prefer to be tanked.


KC4, I think that goldfish don't want to hear the word "flushed" used in any context.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Thank You Snapple - you are so thoughtful.
> 
> But I must tell you, it's not PC anymore to put G-Fish in bowls. We have been traumatized by bowls glass and porcelain for too many years. I feel flushed just mentioning it.
> 
> We much prefer to be tanked.


So, it's the Goldfish who drinks the sherry and gets tanked?


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> So, it's the Goldfish who drinks the sherry and gets tanked?


:lmao::lmao:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Aye, KC4, it's all coming out the noo.

You read it here first.


----------



## KC4

Och aye, the noo!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've eaten pickled herring, but pickled goldfish ...


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Oh Yeahhhhh! This drink can't go wrong - It's got all fave ingredients! Woot! Runs, er SWIMS, to kitchen...


----------



## KC4

.....Wooooot!





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.






Dance Dance Dance...


----------



## KC4

My body lies over the ocean
My fins lie over the sea
My body don’t like this motion
Oh bring back my body to me

Bring snacks, bribe back
Bring back my froggie to me, to wee
Bring bulk, brain rack 
Brain balk I’m sotty to me

This night as I lay on my gills, oh
This night as I lay on t’sea bed
This night as I lay on my dorsal
I fillet I had soggied a head

Brine back, sink fast
Brink bake my cod key to me, to me
Ding bats, scale back
Oh, fling back my body to me……

(Sorry, I couldn’t refrain myself)


----------



## Kazak

Damn, that's good. I dub thee Monty Poisson.


----------



## The Doug

Ah! si papa il savait ça, tra la la...


----------



## KC4

ohh... oh la Doug. poussez la clarinette

oh la la... ma tete. .. ma tete......

le cafe noir... s'il vous plait...



soit tranquille......

merci...


----------



## Kazak

The fish in that photo looks like KCFormer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That fish has lost its metabolic processes, he's had his lot. All statements to the effect that this fish is still a going concern are from now on inoperative.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Too few pieces there, surely?


----------



## Kazak

Don't call me Shirley.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Don't call me Shirley.


:lmao::lmao::lmao:


----------



## KC4

.. ...... )\ 
... \`.-' `-oo
..... ) _ __ , 0) ..I'm in_clined_ to agree.. 
...../.' .. )/ 
.... '


----------



## Kazak

Glad you're here, 'cause when the cops come sniffin' around, we're gonna need a Patsy.


----------



## KC4

Great! I told the Canine Division that you had oodles of contraband poodles eating oodles of illoogal noodles. They want to doodle little investigation ….

Toodles!


----------



## Kazak

That dog's laugh is grounds for justifiable caninicide.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Can dogs eat cheese?


----------



## The Doug

Only if you let them.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sliced? Grated?


----------



## KC4

What about Grand Theft Asiago?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> That dog's laugh is grounds for justifiable caninicide.


Answer the door Kaz...It's either the Spelling Police ...or the Italian Mob ...they know you're in there.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> What about Grand Theft Asiago?


That's it ... give a dog a bad name.


----------



## Kazak

"Hello, Kazak. I'm Detective Bert Camem, and this is my partner Dale Wensley. We'd like to ask you a few questions."


----------



## Kazak

As Bender says, it's time to cheese it!


----------



## KC4

"This Kazak's a wise cracker!" Burt confides to Dale, "If he tries to put the bite on us, we'll have to bring in the big cheese, Spelling Agent Jefferson. Then he'll crumble."


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> "This Kazak's a wise cracker!" Burt confides to Dale, "If he tries to put the bite on us, we'll have to bring in the big cheese, Spelling Agent Jefferson. Then he'll crumble."


Bert, not Burt. Write it out 100 times.

And, since you're not letting it go, "caninicide" is an invented word, so technically, I can't misspell it. Upon further research, I see that "canicide" is the correct word, but I didn't go there, because I thought it sounded like murdering sugar.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> "This Kazak's a wise cracker!" Burt confides to Dale, "If he tries to put the bite on us, we'll have to bring in the big cheese, Spelling Agent Jefferson. Then he'll crumble."


Does this make me a cheese dog?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Bert, not Burt. Write it out 100 times.


(flips fin) "Burt" is an invented word, so technically, I can't misspell it. 

But I 'm not the dawg with a bone about it.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Does this make me a cheese dog?


Better than a chili dog!


----------



## KC4

And MUCH better than a cuttin-the-cheese dog!


----------



## Kazak

Don't know why I didn't think of this before:

KC4 + cheese =


----------



## Dr.G.

Cool. A goldfish wearing sunglasses. What will they think up next?


----------



## KC4

Quill Pro Quo Dr. G.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

SINC, I think you wanted to post that pic in this thread.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> SINC, I think you wanted to post that pic in this thread.


Nope, it's only a pic, not a portrait!


----------



## Kazak

My bad.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> My bad.


.


----------



## Kazak

You'll put your eyes out with those things.


----------



## KC4

It's all pun and games until someone gooses a pie.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> You'll put your eyes out with those things.


To be honest, I was more curious just what it is that he is holding in that left foot?


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> To be honest, I was more curious just what it is that he is holding in that left foot?


:lmao:


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> To be honest, I was more curious just what it is that he is holding in that left foot?


Daniel Day-Lewis?

Digit ever occur to you people that a little phalange justice might bring about a happy appendage?


----------



## Chris

That's just a knee-jerk reaction! I'll give you thumbs-up, though.


----------



## Kazak

Thanks. I guess I'll knuckle-down and be the fist person to reply.


----------



## KC4

I am nonplussed.


----------



## Kazak

Took me a minute, but I get it now. 

My theory: The plusses are for members who are under Mayoral scrutiny (like double secret probation). Posts from these malcontents are immediately emailed to the Mayor, so he can nip their orneriness in the bud. If you point out that "orneriness" is not a word, that's probably enough to get you a plus.

My other theory: The members with plusses are new and improved, as in "Why correspond with Sonal, when you can correspond with new Sonal+!"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I knew it! We're being watched!

+++++++


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It could be that these people are in fact cations carrying a positive charge.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It could be that these people are in fact cations carrying a positive charge.


It's elemental my dear SQ. Your theory would sadly leave the rest of us anions. Just makes my eyes water.

If we all bonded together to prove it, wouldn't it just compound things?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It could be that these people are in fact cations carrying a positive charge.


Breaking News: The "+" sign simply designates that the person who has one, is on your "friend or buddy" list.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> If we all bonded together to prove it, wouldn't it just compound things?


Oh, you tease.

OR

OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> It's elemental my dear SQ. Your theory would sadly leave the rest of us anions. Just makes my eyes water.


The number of anions would have to exactly match** the number of cations, or at least the charges, 'plus' and 'minus' would have to numerically balance. So, no, the rest of us wouldn't be anions.

You must know _this_, being a fish!

** This means there must be several of these little anionic b*ggers lurking unseen somewhere. The rest of us would be neutrally charged of course, well-balanced but freely mobile.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Breaking News: The "+" sign simply designates that the person who has one, is on your "friend or buddy" list.


Doh! Now you've spoilt the magic of "+" for KC4.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Oh, you tease.
> 
> OR
> 
> OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT


What is a cation afraid of? 




A Dogion. 

(That Free Radical Snapple started the Chemistry theme first)


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> ** This means there must be several of these little anionic b*ggers lurking unseen somewhere.


Maybe we can't see the ones that display the "-" signs because they are on our ignore list.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Breaking News: The "+" sign simply designates that the person who has one, is on your "friend or buddy" list.


Thanks for solving the mystery SINC; however as SQ says, it's now Boron to me.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Thanks for solving the mystery SINC; however as SQ says, it's now Boron to me.


Boron has the letter B as its chemical symbol.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> What is a cation afraid of?
> A Dogion.


What's afraid of a cation?

A fission.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> What's afraid of a cation?
> 
> A fission.


Haha. Reagent Kazak lands one right on the beaker.

I'll obviously have to scale up to the challenge (she says recalcitrantly).




Two atoms get together for a conversation.
One atom says, "I think I've lost an electron!" 
His friend gasps, "No! Are you sure?"
"Yes" replies his buddy, " I'm Positive!"


----------



## Kazak

"I'm so happy doin' the Neutron dance,
I'm just burnin' doin' the Neutron dance."​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> "I'm so happy doin' the Neutron dance,
> I'm just burnin' doin' the Neutron dance."[/CENTER]


Getting a charge out of a Neutron dance - that's some ballroom!


----------



## The Doug

*LHEB* (Large Hadron Experimental Ballroom).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Had Ron, a keen zoologist, known about the newt, Ron would have lept on it.


----------



## KC4

"Where is the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!" 

"That makes me SOOO angry..."


----------



## Kazak

You look Marvinous.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The kaboom is in the kabudd, next to the kashovel.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> You look Marvinous.


Thanks.....I think....
Although I thought it looked more Snapple-like - especially the _brush cut_ at the top. 

You on the other hand, look doggone good as Marvin's trusty sidekick: Commander K-9


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> The kaboom is in the kabudd, next to the kashovel.


Thanks Snapple - It really sucks everytime I misplace the Black Hole Kit and Kabuddle.


----------



## Kazak

Ringo: I've got a hole in me pocket.


----------



## Macfury

Go...to...the...window...


----------



## KC4

Old Fred: Now whatever you do, don't touch that button! 
Ringo: Which button? 
Old Fred: That button. 
Ringo: This button? 
[presses the button and is ejected] 
Ringo: Aaaahhhhh! 
Old Fred: That was the panic button.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## KC4

MazterCBlazter said:


> What exactly is the test?


When you can answer this question my grasshopper, you shall pass.


----------



## The Doug

*tequila*


----------



## Kazak

quit ale


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## The Doug

One thing is certain - eat grasshoppers, pass grasshoppers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MazterCBlazter said:


> What exactly is the test?


_That_ is the test. You have set it right there.

The journey is all.


----------



## Kazak

snapple quaffer said:


> the journey is all.







​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cheese


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Leonardo da Vincheese sculpted a cheese frieze in the Pyrenees on his knees, despite the breeze, the fleas, and disease, to please Leesa, that moaner.

He was a whiz!


----------



## The Doug

That made me wheeze.


----------



## KC4

Geeze Louise, I am so pleased we've seized upon cheese again.


----------



## SINC

I was so hoping no one would brie it up again.


----------



## KC4

All those that want to cut the cheese, please stand over there------> 

.............................Waaaay over there-------------------------------------------->


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Lo! A reprise of cheese has o'curd.


----------



## The Doug

Fortunately it was after I put my other stilt on.


----------



## Kazak

And I suppose you do that one leg at a time?


----------



## Chris

No whey!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Yo mama used to wash yo mouth out with _cheese?_


----------



## Kazak

Swissterine.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The beauty of this is that by performance time, the soup will have formed a skin, and the percussionist will be good to go.


----------



## Chris

That's gouda for me!


----------



## Dr.G.

Chris said:


> That's gouda for me!


That sounds like a Sammy Davis Jr. song .............. "I Gouda be me". 

YouTube - Sammy Davis Jr. - I Gotta Be Me


----------



## The Doug

He said with a Brin.


----------



## SINC

Was the first cheese made by Edam and Eve?


----------



## Macfury

SINC said:


> Was the first cheese made by Edam and Eve?


Yes, after which creation, they were pronounced Gouda.


----------



## Kazak

According to the Book of Cheddarsis, which inspired John Stilton (sorry, Doug) to write _Paradise Sliced._


----------



## SINC

Telemea about it!


----------



## The Doug

Hey! Where's my badminton raclette?!


----------



## pbelanger

This seems like as good a place as any to make my first post in 5 years... Or at least since the last database purge (I swear I used to have posts here.)


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Hey! Where's my badminton raclette?!


Sorry, it's gone. I'm afraid it is all Feta compli.


----------



## Kazak

pbelanger said:


> This seems like as good a place as any to make my first post in 5 years... Or at least since the last database purge (I swear I used to have posts here.)


Hi pb,

This is actually the best place for random posts; _non sequiturs_ are encouraged. And when you consider other things you could be missing, posts are a minor loss.

P.S. Don't listen to Snapple Quaffer. He's certifiable.


----------



## Davidb

What's going on in here?!


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Davidb said:


> What's going on in here?!


Well, you could start at the beginning and read through 4200-odd (and I do mean odd) posts. Actually, the first page is worth reading, as the thread's inspiration is there. "Test" has so far been a place for word-associations, thematic images, unspeakably bad puns, and far too many cheese references. However, this thread has stubbornly resisted the application of any rules and/or expectations, so if you would like to lead the thread in the direction of umbrella part nomenclature, Siberian vacation resorts, or existential pastries, some will follow, for awhile, but some will resist and bring us back to cheese again. In fact, it's so random here, the word "thread" is almost a misnomer.

Perhaps fondue would be a better description.

So take a dip, the cheese is warm.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## The Doug

Such _Olympians!_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Davidb said:


> What's going on in here?!


It is the search for the Holy Grater. When we find it, we will square the circle and double the cube.

Will you help us?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Well, you could start at the beginning and read through 4200-odd (and I do mean odd) posts. Actually, the first page is worth reading, as the thread's inspiration is there. "Test" has so far been a place for word-associations, thematic images, unspeakably bad puns, and far too many cheese references. However, this thread has stubbornly resisted the application of any rules and/or expectations, so if you would like to lead the thread in the direction of umbrella part nomenclature, Siberian vacation resorts, or existential pastries, some will follow, for awhile, but some will resist and bring us back to cheese again. In fact, it's so random here, the word "thread" is almost a misnomer.


Yes, the first page was a minimalist classic - a fine example of its type.

Like the digits of pi, there is no pattern. We are doomed to go on forever, randomly ricocheting off the walls of our container - the Test Thread.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I was expecting Laaaa to take up more like 43%.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

You guys are worse than Uncle Fred. You scared off the new people again.

Also, we want more "mu."

And cheese is burning me, too.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Ah, yes. Cheese Washington, George's brother, who famously said, "I cannot smell like rye."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

What Davidb were allergic to cheese?

Time for another strand ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chalk.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Chalk.


As a university professor, we need to try not to be the "sage on the stage" who merely undertakes "chalk and talk".

Of course, being allergic to chalk dust, I use Keynote on my MBP.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes. One should walk the talk, and balk at chalk and talk.


----------



## pbelanger

This thread makes me hungry.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Chalk or cheese?


----------



## SINC

Pandora: Chalky with your cheese, sir?


----------



## pbelanger

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Chalk or cheese?


Can't it be both?

Oh, the days of being a kid and going to Chalk E. Cheese on your birthday...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've often suspected that chalk is just old cheese.


----------



## Kazak

But there's that hymn: Just a closer chalk with Cheese.


----------



## Chris

Blessed are the cheese makers.


----------



## Kazak

Where does a male athlete keep his chalk?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

In his box?

Edit: I'm thinking cricketers rather than athletes. (Demerit self-awarded)

Edit edit: Are cricketers athletes? (Demerit again - chalk it up to experience)


----------



## Kazak

I'm sure cricketers are more athletic than most MLB players. (Blue Jays fans are chalking on their lunch as they read this.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

MLB? I'm stumped.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I'm stumped.


I fail to see the relevance of your physical prowess to the discussion.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I fail to see the relevance of your physical prowess to the discussion.


Never one to brag, I would divert your attention to the following:

_In cricket, a batsman can be out stumped if the wicket-keeper puts down the wicket, while the batsman is:
out of his ground (because he has moved down the pitch beyond the popping crease, usually in an attempt to hit the ball);​receiving a delivery which is not a no ball; and​not attempting a run.​_
I rest my stump, er I mean case.


----------



## Kazak

I have much to learn about the ways of wicketness, having led a largely unpasteurized life thus far.

In particular, the phrase "which is not a no ball" is oddly poetic. Can it be conjugated?

I am not a no ball
You are not a no ball
He/She is not a no ball
We are not a no ball OR We are not no balls (which is even more poetic)
You (pl.) are not a no ball OR You are not no balls
They are not a no ball OR They are not no balls

Are snowballs no balls?
Can one drink a no ball hiball?
Can one's bid be a no ball lowball?
Can one be invitied to a no ball ball?
How many no balls would a woodchuck "chuck" if a woodchuck could "chuck" no balls?
Can no balls be counted? How is this done?
Can an outstanding cricket player win a NoBall Prize?

Enlighten us, oh stumpy one.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Can an outstanding cricket player win a NoBall Prize?
> 
> Enlighten us, oh stumpy one.


He's taken a century already...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One is reminded of the jingoistic and rather distasteful ditty that went the rounds some time ago, during a period of unpleasantness:

"Hitler, has only got one ball,
Goering, has two but very small,
Himmler, has something sim'lar,
But Goebbels has no balls
At all."


Not a cricketer among the lot!

There are many versions, all sung to the infamous 'Colonel Bogey March'.


----------



## Kazak

No cricket at the '36 Olympics, but baseball and gliding(!) were demonstration sports.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Can't recall any mention of grasshoppers taking part either.


----------



## Kazak

Jiminy Kricket, no Grashüpfers?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They were banned after the 1924 Olympics when they'd left the place knee deep in shed cuticles.


----------



## Kazak

I never managed to get any cuties in the shed.

Oh, cuticles. Are those like frozen cuties?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I never managed to get any cuties in the shed.


Alfresco is as alfresco does - just have some insect repellant to hand, or wherever it's needed.


----------



## Kazak

Damn the bugpedoes, there's nothing like a little _in flagrante al fresco_.


----------



## The Doug

I prefer Fettucine Alfresco.


----------



## Kazak

Batman prefers Butlercine Alfredo.


----------



## Macfury

Al Gore prefers Spaghetti Carbonara.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Michelangelo preferred his frescoes straight up.


----------



## The Doug

And someone somewhere out there still drinks Fresca.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> And someone somewhere out there still drinks Fresca.


I do. Love it on a hot summer's day.


----------



## chuckster

Yes friends, on a hot summer day nothing beats Nouveau Peruvian Cuisine. Try FRESCA today!
Fresca Restaurant


----------



## Kazak

Tatum O'Neal used to prefer McEnroeni and Cheese.


----------



## Macfury

Tip O'Neill used to smell like cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Did she admire his Grand S'lami?


----------



## Kazak

Not particularly, nor did she enjoy all the racket while they were courting.


----------



## The Doug

...uh, some kind of, like, joke about tennis balls or something...


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> ...uh, some kind of, like, joke about tennis balls or something...


Blue balls do?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> ...uh, some kind of, like, joke about tennis balls or something...


One tennis ball salesman to another: "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"

Other tennis ball salesman: "That was no lady. That was my wife."


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

So the Pope, Michael Jackson, and a tennis ball salesman walk into a bar . . .

(Has the mighty Test thread joined the Literature of Exhaustion?)


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Death before Dishonor!!!"


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Dr.G.

That is quite the picture, Doug.


----------



## MazterCBlazter

.


----------



## Kazak

Congrats on the 50K posts, Dr. G. With my rate of 2,000 posts in 6 years, I'll get to 50,000 in 2154. (I'll be a spry 192 years old then--imagine the woman in Doug's post, only with wrinkles, lots of wrinkles, and no hair, red or otherwise.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... imagine the woman in Doug's post, only with wrinkles, lots of wrinkles, and no hair, red or otherwise.)


 ... she'll look mighty fine to a spry 192 year old.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Where did we go wrong?

(Too much cheese, I'll warrant.)


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Congrats on the 50K posts, Dr. G. With my rate of 2,000 posts in 6 years, I'll get to 50,000 in 2154. (I'll be a spry 192 years old then--imagine the woman in Doug's post, only with wrinkles, lots of wrinkles, and no hair, red or otherwise.)



Thank you, Kazak. Come on over to The Shangri-la Clubhouse thread, which we call The Shang, for some free tea or coffee at The Cafe Chez Marc. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> ...the woman in Doug's post...


She is clearly the Mona Lisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa of our time.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> She is clearly the Mona Lisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa of our time.


........... and she has Betty Davis eyes ..................


----------



## Kazak

Actually, she looks like the faces I used to draw on my thumb as a teenager (only I could never get the mouth looking that real, if disturbing).


----------



## SINC

I'm not so certain that face is apt for a thumb. She looks a lot more like a "bumbolina" to me.


----------



## KC4

Happy to see that you all have been spreading good cheese around! Keep up the gouda work.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Happy to see that you all have been spreading good cheese around! Keep up the gouda work.


:lmao::lmao: She's back .....................


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Happy to see that you all have been spreading good cheese around! Keep up the gouda work.


Mozzarella for you, hey!
Mozzarella for you.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Mozzarella for you, hey!
> Mozzarella for you.


I want to be Gouda.
Is that not Oka too?
-Dillford/Tillamook


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That reminds me ... fish and chips for tea tomorrow!


----------



## Macfury

Snapple Quaffer said:


> That reminds me ... fish and chips for tea tomorrow!


What's for tea, daughter?
Heinz baked beans!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The perfect meal for the Sly Artilleryman.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> What's for tea, daughter?
> Heinz baked beans!


She should have used Odorono.


----------



## KC4

Oh, for Pete's sake, she flew the Jolly Roger and the usual rules of engagement did not apply.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> She should have used Odorono.


It's no wonder Mister Davidson never rang.


----------



## The Doug

She knew he would forget her.


----------



## Kazak

What they've done to her man,
Those shaaaaaaaaky hands.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

If you hold a drummer underwater long enough, he'll have a legitimate excuse for slowing down.


----------



## KC4

A rooty toot toot,
rooty tooty toot toot.
Rooty toot toot
tattoo too, to you.


----------



## Chris

Here you go. You'll feel better after taking some...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

Now this is progress.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One digit at a time.


----------



## KC4

Digital Exam, a.k.a. the Proctologist's secret handshake.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> One digit at a time.


Or multiple ones, as Lennon sang:

Like a rolling stone
Like a rolling stone
Like the FBI and the CIA
And the BBC--BB King
And Doris Day
Matt Busby
Digit, digit, digit
Digit, digit, digit, digit, digit, digit, digit, digit

[That was 'Can You Digit' by Georgie Wood. And now we'd like to do 'Hark The Angels Come'.]


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Digital
Digital digital
Digital
...

_Mad-donna_


----------



## Kazak

Well take my fingers, what do fingers really mean to me?
You can easily look them up in the dictionary:
They call them digits, or technically they're known as the "phalanges"


----------



## Macfury

Phalangist?


----------



## Kazak

Nope, despite any Contra-indications.


----------



## KC4

Can't drum in a Contra Band once you sign that digital release.


----------



## Kazak

No, no, no. "Digital release" takes us right back to finger-pulling.

You missed your FLQ.


----------



## KC4

You had better get into phalanx phormation before you end up with the phalanges of the phoot in the pharynx.


----------



## Macfury

Phynx you say?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> No, no, no. "Digital release" takes us right back to finger-pulling.


You mean fin-pulling?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As opposed to fin pudding.

That's the other end of the scale.


----------



## Kazak

Go ghoti.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Go ghoti.


You _are_ a card.


----------



## KC4

Hmmm,
Macphury is phynking on me, Snapple is suggesting phish phrys then phin pulls and Kazak is either phanning the phlames, suggesting a dephenestration exit, or card sharking. I'm phlummoxed. 

I'm phinding new phriends.


----------



## Kazak

Cease and desist, or I shall defenestrate you for your indefatigable obstinacy.

(I don't mean it, but you have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that.)


----------



## KC4

Phine! 
Speak to the phin - the phish phace is not listening.


----------



## Chris

Now, now, phellows, can't we phind a whey to just keep this phriendly?

We're all gouda guys here!


----------



## SINC

Hurry! Somebody call Regis.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, I think we're overdue for some Regiside.


----------



## Chris

Why, I oughta crown ya!

*nyuck, nyuck*!


----------



## KC4

Or how about some Parmesan Reggiano?

Don't tell me we're pasta all that.


----------



## SINC

We may have to penne some new rules for this thread.


----------



## Macfury




----------



## BigDL

SINC said:


> We may have to penne some new rules for this thread.


In which official linguini.


----------



## SINC

BigDL said:


> In which official linguini.


Go ahead. You pici da official linguini.


----------



## Kazak

Domo arigato, Mr. Rigate.


----------



## Macfury

Does this noodle-centric turn capture the ziti-geist?


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> Does this noodle-centric turn capture the ziti-geist?


:lmao::lmao::clap:

Good one, Macfury.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Domo arigato, Mr. Rigate.


Sung a-cappellini, as it should be, with a side of garlic breadstyx.


----------



## Kazak

I think these puns are almost al dente, for which I drop to my bolognese in gratitude.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Your bolognese should have dropped when you were about twelve!


----------



## The Doug

He's in British Columbia, which is a few hours behind.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Speak up ... what's that? He dropped his behind, you say?


----------



## The Doug

We await his testimony!


----------



## Macfury

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Speak up ... what's that? He dropped his behind, you say?


Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its
place was a golden screw...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bullion.


----------



## Kazak

Last time I checked, the brass section was fully manned, and there has been no backstage slumping.

Thanks for asking, guys. I never knew you cared.

Now back to Season One of Welcome Back, Manicotti.


----------



## Macfury

Ron Palillos Italian Fried Pasta


----------



## The Doug

Perfecto! I think I'll make some and eat it watching Federico Fedelini's _La Dolce Vita_.


----------



## KC4

Is that lasagna on ya? Don't have a fettucini about it. Nobody will tagliatelle.


----------



## Labi

heyyyy oh


----------



## Macfury

Hasn't this thread kicked the bucat-ini yet? I'm canelloni here, but this sort of company is far from pici.


----------



## Labi

thats a spicy meat-a-ball


----------



## KC4

Labi said:


> heyyyy oh


Heyyy Ohhhh Spagetti O!

Nice to see noobs noodling into these threads. Pasta sauce please. ..oh, and the cheese. 
Grate-si!


----------



## BigDL

Macfury said:


> Hasn't this thread kicked the bucat-ini yet? I'm canelloni here, but this sort of company is far from pici.


I donut, It's just to fritter away sometime.


----------



## SINC

Sometimes those fritters are corny.


----------



## BigDL

SINC said:


> Sometimes those fritters are corny.


corn sound like a dog


----------



## The Doug

It'sa pasta yer bed-atime!


----------



## KC4

No, I don’t wanna go!
I’m not ready to sleep
I wanna watch my show
The plot is just getting deep.

I’ve got da blues, the bedtime blues
Oh yeah, I got them so bad
I’ve got the big old bedtime blues
Can’t you see it’s makin’ me sad?

I’ll brush my teeth, yes and how
I’ll put on my PJs like I would
But I ain’t fallin asleep now
Even though you say I should.

I’ve got da blues, the bedtime blues
Just give me half an hour, please!
I’ve got the big ol’ bedtime blues
I’m begging you on my knees.

I’ve got to surf ehMac on the web
Maybe reply to a post or two or three
I’ve got to see what they’ve all said 
There might be something funny, see

I’ve got the blues, the time for bed blues
How about just 10 more minutes?
And then I promise, I’ll snooze
Or just stay here listenin’ to crickets….

I've got da blues...the big ol' bedtime blues.....


----------



## Kazak

SQ, I think somebody just said, "cricket."


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Holly smokes, them's some mighty big Crickets, Buddy.


----------



## KC4

No wonder I can't sleep!


----------



## Kazak

Try this:

Apple -> Sleep.


----------



## The Doug

May not work every time. They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil.


----------



## Kazak

They say it never rains in Southern California.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

[sings]L'il ole binge drinker me ... [/sings]


----------



## Macfury

Yawn-n-n-n-n. I've heard that kind of talk before.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Macfury said:


> Yawn-n-n-n-n. I've heard that kind of talk before.


About binge drinking?
Loose talk like that costs livers, you know.


----------



## Kazak

So, binge drinking will de-liver us from evil?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mmmmm. Devilled liver!


----------



## KC4

Mmmm... Smack Smack Smack. 
Splendid, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.


----------



## Kazak

Silence of the Fry.


----------



## KC4

"It's better to live one day as a lion, than a thousand years as a lamb." 
- Zach de la Rocha, Rage Against the Machine


----------



## Kazak

Baaa.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ewe would say that wouldn't you?


----------



## The Doug

Probably not, as he is not (as far as I know) from Ghana or Togo, and thus would not claim Kwa as part of his linguistic heritage.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

OK.

How about his linguini heritage?


----------



## Kazak

I have spent many hours playing as either Mario or Linguini.


----------



## KC4

Were you riding on a pony?
Did you call it macaroni?


----------



## Macfury

He was riding Yoshi.


----------



## Chris

#*@! feather!

Can't get it out of my headgear!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Chris said:


> #*@! feather!
> 
> Can't get it out of my headgear!


Date with the Chicken Lady?


----------



## Kazak

A date with the Chicken Lady can hardly be considered a feather in one's cap.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Wattle be a good substitute for a feather?


----------



## KC4

Whatever tickles your fancy, I guess!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

This thread has lost its thread, but found a tickle.


----------



## Kazak

Since it's still January, I think it's an ice-tickle.


----------



## SINC

Yep, it is.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Wattle be a good substitute for a feather?


I'm combing my memory, but can't come up with anything that isn't corny.

P.S. The word you used triggered all sorts of disturbing Ally McBeal flashbacks.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> I'm combing my memory, but can't come up with anything that isn't corny.


Don't let it get you down.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Eider way, a feather's a feather for all that, and all that.


----------



## KC4

Wattle I do when lightning strikes me
And beak to find that you’re not there

Wattle I say when it’s all over easy
Sorry seems to be the hardest boiled.

It’s so egg, so egg
It’s a chick to chick situation
And it’s getting more and more eggsurd
It’s egg, so egg
Why can’t we bawk, bawk bawk it over 
Boiled seems to be the hardest word.

(sniff) Hand me a henkerchief please.


----------



## Kazak

Looks likes the yolk is on us.

Which albumen was that on?


----------



## Macfury

Fortunately I always keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency.


----------



## Kazak

Yep, you never know when you're going to get plucked around.


----------



## KC4

Eggsactly.
Always keep that alarm cluck set. You never know when they are going to, eggsplode or fly off the drumstick and go all Atttila the Hen on you.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Which albumen was that on?


Over EASY!
It was Eggton John's _Goodbye Yellow Brick Yolk_.


----------



## Kazak

Ah yes. One of the many collaborations between Eggton John and Burnme Topknot, along with such classics as "Don't Shoot Me! I'm Only the Egg-layer" and "Captain Hentastic and the Brown Shell Cowboy."


----------



## The Doug

We're a hard-boiled lot, it seems.


----------



## KC4

Maybe, but at least we're not humor hendicapped.
This thread cracks me up!


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Maybe, but at least we're not humor hendicapped.
> This thread cracks me up!


Eggsactly!


----------



## Kazak

Maybe Sir Eggton could have been even bigger if he'd used Elvis' manager: Colonel Sanders.


----------



## The Doug

Elvis and Colonel Sanders have both left the coop.


----------



## Macfury

^^^^^^

Oeuf!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Ah yes. One of the many collaborations between Eggton John and Burnme Topknot."


Those two were pure poultry in motion.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Those two were pure poultry in motion.


Yes, a regular Lone Free-Ranger and Pollo.


----------



## Kazak

At least until their untimely decapitation, after which they ran around like, well, themselves.


----------



## SINC

Well, they were living on a wing and a prayer.


----------



## The Doug

Obviously you have been keeping abreast.


----------



## SINC

Indeed, I read it in The Thighms.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Indeed, I read it in The Thighms.


The New Yolk Thigms?
(didn't even have to scramble for that one. You Roosters are practically handing it to me on a plate!)


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> You Roosters are practically handing it to me on a plate!


You wishbone.


----------



## The Doug

I think she was hit with a drumstick as a child.


----------



## KC4

And a flip of the bird (a.k.a the chicken finger) to you two too!


----------



## Kazak

No secret recipe for her.


----------



## KC4

Now that's something to crow about.


----------



## SINC

Even with a comb over?


----------



## Kazak

Well if that don't beak all.


----------



## SINC

We're really scratchin' bottom now.


----------



## KC4

That's the chicken spirit (a.k.a. Poultrygeist)!


----------



## Kazak

No passing the buck buck here.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Kazak

That picture reminds me of those products that promise to extend one's . . . male chicken.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak went out in the cold rain without his capon.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

Those old hens can sing but gimme a cute chick every time.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> That picture reminds me of those products that promise to extend one's . . . male chicken.


A Rooster Booster?


----------



## Kazak

Sure, and next time I'm in Calgary, I'll cook you some rooster au vin.

(Aside: 30 years ago, my grandmother's boyfriend insisted we have rooster for Christmas dinner. Never again. Never.)


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> (Aside: 30 years ago, my grandmother's boyfriend insisted we have rooster for Christmas dinner. Never again. Never.)


Would you rather have been goosed?


----------



## Kazak

Disco Stu says, "Do the Funky Chicken!"


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Disco Stu says, "Do the Funky Chicken!"


You mean, like this?





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Dance Roosters, Dance! Nice to see you can really shake them tail feathers. Woot!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Gibbons are _very_ funky - something that tends to get overlooked.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Gibbons are _very_ funky - something that tends to get overlooked.


and undercooked.


----------



## The Doug

Oh, tie a funky gibbon round that old oak tree.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Gibbons are _very_ funky - something that tends to get overlooked.


I'll say...especially this one. Woo Hooo!





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Oh, tie Euell Gibbons 'round that old goat cheese.


----------



## KC4

Poor old Goat cheese, it has unbillyevably been the butt of many jokes.


----------



## Kazak

No need to be so gruff, unless you're trolling.


----------



## Macfury

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Gibbons are _very_ funky - something that tends to get overlooked.


There's something Oddie about that post.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> There's something Oddie about that post.


An Oddie but a Goodie.


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> An Oddie but a Goodie.


Your Garden variety.


----------



## SINC

I wonder what else will turnip in this thread?


----------



## The Doug

Who knows, but none of it has gibbon me a headache so far.


----------



## Kazak

Well that's a monkey off your back.


----------



## Macfury

Time for some Rhesus pieces.


----------



## The Doug

I prefer fish & chimps.


----------



## KC4

What's the Proboscisbility?


----------



## The Doug

That's a nosey question!


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> That's a nosey question!


.


----------



## The Doug

Ah, Mickey Dolenz and Peter Tork!


----------



## Macfury

The Doug said:


> ...Peter Tork!


Monkee wrench.


----------



## BigDL

Macfury said:


> Monkee wrench.


Peter Torx screwdriver


----------



## Kazak

Michael Nesmith toque wrench?


----------



## Macfury

Mickey Dolenz, toke wrench.


----------



## KC4

Davy Jones Tool Locker


----------



## Macfury

Last Train to Clucksville.


----------



## KC4

P. Eter Fork sings:


Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the chicken as she sings.
The six o'cluck neck would never ring.
But it rings and I fry,
Wipe the batter out of my eyes.
This fryer’s hot and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Beak.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a home cooked meal.

You once thought of me
As a white pullet on a steed.
Now you know how crispy I can be.
Oh, and our good tastes start and end
With much of our saturated fat to rend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.


----------



## Macfury

The Grill that I Knew Somewhere?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That Krill you knew? I bet you both had a whale of a time.


----------



## KC4

Krill o' my dreams.


----------



## Macfury

The Krell:


----------



## The Doug

Not The Krell:


----------



## Kazak

Also not The Krell:





​


----------



## Macfury

Kull:


----------



## Kazak

Kohl​


----------



## The Doug

Thrall.


----------



## Macfury

Kiel:


----------



## KC4

Krall


----------



## Kazak

Kiel





​


----------



## KC4

Kiev:


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Macfury




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Devilled you-know-what:





​


----------



## KC4

First....there was The Omen 1976....
THEN...there was The Omen, 2006....
NOW...(shudder) ....there is The *OVUM*, 2010...be afraid, be very afraid.....


----------



## The Doug

KC4 said:


> First....there was The Omen 1976....


Starring the late Gregory Peck Peck Peck Peck Peck Peck Peck Peck!


----------



## SINC

An Inconvenient Cluck


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

An inconvenient troll.


----------



## Kazak

An inconvenient Ruth:





​


----------



## KC4

Trollope:


----------



## Kazak

An inconvenient Booth:





​


----------



## KC4

An Inappropriate Ruth:


----------



## Kazak

Troll the ancient Yuletide carol . . .


----------



## KC4

Christmas Carol:


----------



## Kazak

She bears an un-Channing resemblance to someone who's just discovered his rooster's on fire.


----------



## Macfury

Maim:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

An inconvenient youth


----------



## The Doug

Inconvenient toofs.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They twa could eat satsumas through the strings of a tennis racquet.

It should be an Olympic sport.


----------



## Kazak

Sure, mention the Olympics from the safety of Ecosse.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's ecosse I can.


----------



## Kazak

Ecosse, Ecosse, Ecosse, Ecosse, Ecosse,
Ecosse of the Snappleful things he Quaffs.


----------



## KC4

You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Cheeze Wiz there wuz.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, so I'll confess to having no courage.

Anyone else?


----------



## SINC

I haven't the heart to comment.


----------



## KC4

I'd unravel every riddle
For any individdle
In trouble or in pain
With the thoughts I'd be a-thinkin'
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Brains . . . brains . . .


----------



## The Doug

Brain and brain! What is brain?!


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Brain.
Brain who?
Brain the bathtub, I'm . . . oh, never mind.


----------



## KC4

Brain Freeze!


----------



## Kazak

Fish got legs!


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Fish got legs!


Thanxalotl!


----------



## The G3 Man

KC4 said:


> Brain Freeze!


O_________O

What size is that, i need to know to order one!

M-m-F


----------



## The G3 Man

Kazak said:


> Fish got legs!


i can has fish legs?


----------



## KC4

"Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, although, I suppose that Slurpees and mountains and fins could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic." 

-Winston Niles RumFoord (with a slight liberty taken)


----------



## Kazak

If you're going to take liberties, why do it slightly? Do it with gusto.

Like veal parmagusto.

(some gustatory humour there)


----------



## SINC

There's quite a gusto wind in here today.


----------



## KC4

Mucho Gusto!


----------



## Macfury

Groucho wouldn't even allow Gusto to be their business manager.


----------



## Kazak

For business, they turned to Deutscho Marx.


----------



## KC4

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
> - Groucho Marx


Oh, I have a suggestion about where (in ehMacland) one could find a child of five, but I'm trying so hard to be good.

Restraint is difficult; maturity sucks.


----------



## KC4

Youth is mostly wasted on the young.

(However adults have a secret reserve of it to use or abuse as they choose)


----------



## The Doug

I couldn't disagree less!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Everything I needed to know about life, I learned from t-shirts.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

`


----------



## Kazak

Relax, kid. In 15 years, it'll be the other way around.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

Click it - I dare you


----------



## Kazak

Wow, that's red. Babybel red.


----------



## KC4

Now I know what the cartoonists for the Archie Series do in their off season.


----------



## Kazak

Archie isn't real? But that means Veronica . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You people are cheese mad. Haven't you heard of the delights of spam for goodness sake?


----------



## The Doug

Yes. Truly delightful!


----------



## Macfury

This is Hormel




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

You know what they say: Hormel is where the heart stops.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> You people are cheese mad. Haven't you heard of the delights of spam for goodness sake?


Yes! 
KLIK here


----------



## Macfury

I KAM I saw I conquered.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> I KAM I saw I conquered.


You mean you *can*quered.

I was always fascinated by the mechanics of these cans, with the little key to wind up the devastatingly sharp strip of metal. I loved to open them. 

Then the "meat" in all its jellied over-salted pinkness would slide out with a sucking sound and dog food like odor. Then the attraction was over. Total Buzz Kill.


----------



## The Doug

Yet, I bet it still makes some people, well, kinda hormy.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> I was always fascinated by the mechanics of these cans, with the little key to wind up the devastatingly sharp strip of metal. I loved to open them.
> 
> Then the "meat" in all its jellied over-salted pinkness would slide out with a sucking sound and dog food like odor. Then the attraction was over. Total Buzz Kill.


Tease.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Tease.


You are _not_, repeat, *NOT* being good.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

Aahhhgggghhhhhhh! Another Werd Nerd attack!

I don't get mad; I get *even*.


----------



## Kazak

That's odd.


----------



## Macfury

You're really getting integer, eh Kazak?


----------



## Kazak

Digit think so? Am I being irrational?


----------



## The Doug

You're being natural.


----------



## Chris

I'd rather he be whole-some!


----------



## Kazak

I'd like to be well-rounded and positive, too.


----------



## Macfury

Venn did you all start talking like this? Is it abacus of KC4?


----------



## Kazak

Yes, she didn't like me implying she was just Cartesian us.


----------



## KC4

You guys are plane axes.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> That's odd.


Yep!


----------



## Kazak

Says the co-efishent, the scalene triangill, the fin-ite number.


----------



## KC4

Chris said:


> I'd rather he be whole-some!


That's probably the right angle, but I admit only a fractional interest.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> I'd like to be well-rounded and positive, too.


This is possible even for people who are past their prime.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> This is possible even for people who are past their prime.


Less than comforting, given the exponential increase in grey roots at the top end of my range, and my floating point approaching zero at the other extreme.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> This is possible even for people who are past their prime.


That's the equation! I only improve with age. To infinity and BEYOND!


----------



## Macfury

"I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> "I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"


(50 being my age this year)

It is a transcendental equation Macfury, in which case you can only solve it by approximation, or sometimes guess and check.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> "I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"


must - cannot = delusion - reality

cannot + try < must (still no intersection, but closer)

cannot/not = can (this will get you there, but as "not" has a value approaching infinity, it is difficult to overcome)

As with most real-life math problems, I suspect inertia is the culprit.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Ouch.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sumthing wrong?


----------



## Kazak

Well, you dim sum, you lose sum.


----------



## KC4

Cheer up Pilots - There's always more cheese...





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

MOUSEBENDER:
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
WENSLEYDALE:
Finest in the district, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
WENSLEYDALE:
Well, it's so clean, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.


----------



## KC4

Let them eat Cheesecake!


----------



## Kazak

Tease.


----------



## KC4

What? 
Again? 

Bad Dog!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Macfury

Edam = My Cheese Squared


----------



## SINC

Edam and Eve


----------



## KC4

MMMmmmm, an apple with a slice of cheese......


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

​
(the best I can do without Photoshop)


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

Relax Kaz, just lift the lid/seat.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Relax Kaz, just lift the lid/seat.


Yeah, and remember to put it back down too.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's this sort of behaviour that puts me right off goat's cheese. Thought you all should know.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## Kazak

Time for some Muenster (sorry to harp on it).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Harpoon?

Careful, KC4 might be a bit sensitive about such things.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Harpoon?
> 
> Careful, KC4 might be a bit sensitive about such things.


How about Harpo, as in Harpo Marx?


----------



## Kazak

How about Oprah, as in Oprah Xram?


----------



## KC4

I love Muensters , but will run (swim?) screaming from harpoons or blue cheese. I don't get the point of either.


----------



## Kazak

We all hope you don't get the point of harpoons.

The point of blue cheese is to prove that humans can eat things that aren't food.


----------



## Macfury

My blue cheese went moldy.


----------



## Kazak

What colour was the mold?


----------



## KC4

I am a foodie, but Blu cheese makes me blue...and then green.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> What colour was the mold?


A sickening blue!


----------



## KC4

Smells like hell, tastes like Heaven.


----------



## Macfury

A durian tastes like hell too. A genteel blend of mango, gasoline and garlic.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> A durian tastes like hell too.


Not to me, Macfury. 
I love them, but my family members rudely insist I eat them outside and far away.

I also note (with great glee) that Andrew Zimmern of _Bizarre Foods_ (Travel Channel) can eat putrid camel testicles, insects, rotten eggs and other nasty things, but he instantly ... er, "ejected" Durian upon his first bite.

Wimp.





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Macfury

I had a Durian smoothie with tapioca pearls last week.


----------



## KC4

A guy's avatar from a Foodie site I frequent: I bearly know what to think.


----------



## Kazak

More cowBell:





​


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## KC4

^^^^
I notice no fine is associated with a durian offense. Maybe it's one of those cases where "if you have to ask, you can't afford it."


----------



## The Doug

They look like they would be fun to throw.


----------



## KC4

> With the consumption of durian, the "king of fruits", becoming more and more popular, the dangers of durian over-consumption are becoming increasingly obvious. Aside from the occasional scrapes, scratches, and punctures from the sharp "spikes" on the fruit's skin, and besides the occasional concussion to the unfortunate passer-by as the fruit falls from the tree, there is a new hazard. This is a new phenomena in the west produced from excessive overeating of the luscious aromatic fruit. While it has been present in southeast Asia, where the fruit grows, this horrible "disease" is now spreading to western countries such as the U.S., where unsuspecting individuals become addicted to the "orgasmic" sensual qualities of the exotic fruit. I, for one am horrified by this. One day a friend can look completely normal, the next day... well, it is very difficult for me to discuss.


Full Durian


----------



## Kazak

Durian the last few years, the problem has become so pronounced in the Hondurians, that people are reaching the limit of their enduriance.


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## The Doug

They look like they would be fun to throw things at.


----------



## KC4

Funny. They evoke a gag "Reflex" for me.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Durian the last few years, the problem has become so pronounced in the Hondurians, that people are reaching the limit of their enduriance.


When I start to use my rent money to buy durian or I begin snorting it in the washroom on coffee breaks, I promise, I'll quit.


----------



## SINC

Just so long as you don't resnort to using more again.


----------



## Kazak

Yep, you don't want to wall off the flagon.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

I think that hourglass should replace SINC's bug.


----------



## SINC

You'll hear no bugger off from me.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Best I can do!


----------



## Kazak

Now that's an opposable thumb.


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> I am a foodie, but Blu cheese makes me blue...and then green.


(CNN) -- Some turn to prayer. Others turn to state-of-the-art medicine. Lindsey Vonn turned to the power of fromage.

The Olympic favorite has been wrapping her injured shin in an Austrian cheese -- topfen -- to reduce inflammation. 

Skier spreads cheese on leg to heal injury - CNN.com


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> (CNN) -- Some turn to prayer. Others turn to state-of-the-art medicine. Lindsey Vonn turned to the power of fromage.
> 
> The Olympic favorite has been wrapping her injured shin in an Austrian cheese -- topfen -- to reduce inflammation.
> 
> Skier spreads cheese on leg to heal injury - CNN.com


That's a Gouda use for that cheese! I've heard of humans curing cheese, but never of a cheese curing a human! 
Woot! 

More Cheese please!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> The Olympic favorite has been wrapping her injured shin in an Austrian cheese ...


No whey!


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> (CNN) -- Some turn to prayer. Others turn to state-of-the-art medicine. Lindsey Vonn turned to the power of fromage.
> 
> The Olympic favorite has been wrapping her injured shin in an Austrian cheese -- topfen -- to reduce inflammation.


Of course, this is not the only example of Austrian cheese recently in town here:





​


----------



## KC4

I'll be Bocconcini!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Too much cheese gives you a wooden head.


----------



## SINC

That wooden be head cheese would it?


----------



## The Doug

*beep*


----------



## KC4

Hello? This is KC4 leaving a message for The Doug.
I've been standing by waiting for my new exciting life, but I am getting tired of standing.
How much longer is it going to be? 
Is it OK if I sit for a while?

Please call back and let me know at 1-888-THE-FISH.
Thanks.


----------



## Kazak

Ha, ha, ha!

I ate-ate-ate the fish.


----------



## KC4

Lemon wedgies provided upon request.


----------



## Kazak

Hmm. Lemon wedgies. Pucker meets anti-pucker = end of the universe?


----------



## The Doug

End of the universe, or maybe just a _really_ lousy weekend.


----------



## KC4

In the end, Keplar's Law of planetary motion dictates that an astronomical wedgie would definitely pull above the asteroid belt despite never going past Uranus.


----------



## Kazak

Lemon tree very pretty,
And the lemon flower is sweet,
But after the lemon wedgie
It's impossible to sit.


----------



## KC4

I think the price is a little behind the times; some deals aren't all what they are cracked up to be.


----------



## Kazak

Harumph. I've never paid for it.


----------



## The Doug

Barterer?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Harumph. I've never paid for it.


Have you ever been in a position where payment was discussed?


----------



## KC4

I think they would make great gifts. Already, I can think of a few people that I would be quite happy to pay to have these delivered to.


----------



## The Doug

Now shipping!


----------



## KC4

Excellent Delivery Boy! I think he deserves a tip!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Have you ever been in a position where payment was discussed?


Yes, but I always refused to accept.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Barterer?


Barterer the Scrivelby?


----------



## KC4

This is wrong, so wrong, on so many levels. 

Emeril's Wedgie

I hereby order a large wedgie for delivery (UPs) to Emeril. 

I'll pay via an eelectronic transfer from my MasterCard Shark. Tanks.


----------



## Kazak

Let's reef it up a notch:

BUM!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

If you slow it down, you can see his thumb move from one hand to the other, then back.


----------



## KC4

If you're happy and you know it......


----------



## The Doug

And you really want to show it...


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> If you're happy and you know it......





The Doug said:


> And you really want to show it...


.......something, something, something, clap your hands. 

I can't remember that last line ................. now I have an ear-worm with that tune.


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> I have an ear-worm.


see also Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

(The first line is repeated, so the second line is actually the third, so you haven't forgotten anything.)


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

I see Terry Gilliam is alive and, well . . .


----------



## KC4

It's just your Imaginarium.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Time for a lie down I think.

zzzzzzzzz .....


----------



## Kazak

I think; therefore, I lie.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Delay of action!


----------



## Kazak

Cheekbone connected to the fake bone . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A Diva dive.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Red Card for Red 15!




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

15 may get you 20

- Jimmy Buffett


----------



## KC4

The future 15? 

Cheeseburger in Paradise


----------



## Kazak

Certainly lots of cheese there. Probably even some in the burger.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> 15 may get you 20


 ... billion.


----------



## Kazak

Only if you're Polanski.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Kazak

Ah yes, the great Rhinoshnikov.

Or maybe someone just got into the rhinonip.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Ah yes, the great Rhinoshnikov.


Glad to see he's keeping to the classics and not getting into that new Hippo Hop craze.


----------



## Kazak

Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone. 
It's not warm when cheese away. 
Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone 
And cheese always gone too long anytime she goes away. 

Wonder this time where cheese gone, 
Wonder if cheese gone to stay 
Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone 
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away. 

And rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, 
Rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, 
Rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, 
Rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino, rhino 

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone, 
But ain't no sunshine when cheese gone, only darkness everyday. 
Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone, 
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away. 

Anytime she goes away. 
Anytime she goes away. 
Anytime she goes away. 
Anytime she goes away.


----------



## KC4

Rhino you'll like this....




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Having "cheese" and "polka" in the same title is redundant.

That a polka band would have raised monitors is crackers.

Are they from North or South Carorhino?


----------



## KC4

Maybe the raised monitors were so they could read the lyrics? 

The videographer was just about making me lose my own crackers. Steady there please, and no gratuitous crotch shots either. Thanks.


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Macfury

. 


> Casu marzu is a traditional Sardinian sheep milk cheese, notable for being riddled with live insect larvae. It is found mainly in Sardinia, Italy. Casu marzu literally means "rotten cheese" in Sardinian, and the cheese is known colloquially as maggot cheese.
> 
> Derived from Pecorino, Casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 millimetres long. When disturbed, the larvae can launch themselves for distances up to 15 centimetres. Some people clear the larvae from the cheese before consuming; others do not.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> +
> YouTube Video
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Holey cheese! Very limited and curd vocabulary.
It speaks stringly of the need for a gouda edamucation.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> . T
> 
> 
> 
> The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 millimetres long. When disturbed, the larvae can launch themselves for distances up to 15 centimetres.
Click to expand...

When foods or their inhabitants start launching themselves, I get a little green at the gills.

I'm guessing that this cheese is traditionally served with a barf baguette.


----------



## Kazak

Hmmm. Is Sardinia named after . . . a fish?


----------



## KC4

It's not relative.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> It's not relative.


So Sardinia exists outside of Einstein's time-space continuum. (Cue The Doug's blackboard shot.) This might explain why Sardinians are not as optimistic as their neighbours the Course-I-Cans, and not as fun-loving as the So-Silly-ans. Thus, a Sardinian can travel at near-light speed to a distant star, and return to find that nothing has changed at home. The preferred design of Sardinian spacecraft (Stardinian?) is a shiny metallic rectangular prism with rounded corners. Exit is by key.

The first Sardinian in space, as every schoolboy or girl knows, was Abe Vigoda.

(Completely contrary to Einstein's theory, Vigoda returned home to discover that nothing had changed there, but he had aged 300 years.)


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> So Sardinia exists outside of Einstein's time-space continuum. (Cue The Doug's blackboard shot.) This might explain why Sardinians are not as optimistic as their neighbours the Course-I-Cans, and not as fun-loving as the So-Silly-ans. Thus, a Sardinian can travel at near-light speed to a distant star, and return to find that nothing has changed at home. The preferred design of Sardinian spacecraft (Stardinian?) is a shiny metallic rectangular prism with rounded corners. Exit is by key.
> 
> The first Sardinian in space, as every schoolboy or girl knows, was Abe Vigoda.
> 
> (Completely contrary to Einstein's theory, Vigoda returned home to discover that nothing had changed there, but he had aged 300 years.)


Hahahaa. That's great...

I've found a photo of the first fully _manned_ flight too. Captain Abe-had a crew! They were probably Course-I-Cans....


----------



## The Doug

Alex, I'd like to make it a true Daily Double.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Hahahaa. That's great...
> 
> I've found a photo of the first fully _manned_ flight too. Captain Abe-had a crew! They were probably Course-I-Cans....


Dear Fishizen,

Thank you for the donation of such a rare photograph to our collection. After the tragic mission to Felis Majoris, most evidence of our space program was deliberately destroyed. Two items of historical import are apparent in your photograph:
1. the rumours of extremely cramped quarters within the Sardinian spacecraft (the SS Minnow) are obviously true.
2. the clothing confirms that the space program was heavily funded by the Sardinian Ma-fin-a.
However, the photo may have been in your possession in the first place because the other fishtronauts were naut from Course-I-ca, as you suggest, but were actually from 4CK, making them perhaps part of your family.
Should you unwater any further artifacts relevant to the Sardinian space program, please consider forwarding them to us.

Yours Sicily,

The Abe Vigoda Drying and Salting Preservation Society


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Dear Fishizen,
> 
> Thank you for the donation of such a rare photograph to our collection. After the tragic mission to Felis Majoris, most evidence of our space program was deliberately destroyed. Two items of historical import are apparent in your photograph:
> 1. the rumours of extremely cramped quarters within the Sardinian spacecraft (the SS Minnow) are obviously true.
> 2. the clothing confirms that the space program was heavily funded by the Sardinian Ma-fin-a.
> However, the photo may have been in your possession in the first place because the other fishtronauts were naut from Course-I-ca, as you suggest, but were actually from 4CK, making them perhaps part of your family.
> Should you unwater any further artifacts relevant to the Sardinian space program, please consider forwarding them to us.
> 
> Yours Sicily,
> 
> The Abe Vigoda Drying and Salting Preservation Society


Dear AVDSPS Rep,

I learned about the gill fated mission to Felis Majoris while schooling. How terrible for the Sardinauts, floundering at the clawbeams of those whiskered creatures. 

They were slowly tortured to death almost as if they were playthings. Then, if not consumed immediately, they were offered to some other being upon the threshold of their dwellings. 

I am eelso sorry to inform you that the 4CK civilization is history. Past tense. Not to put too fine a point on it; they are 4CKed. 

In retaliation for the defishtating massacre on Felis Majoris, the 4CKs sent all of their Abel finned forces on the now infamous mission - Cod Name: Fin Ultimacy. FU fighters secretly sped towards Felis Majoris in 3 and 4 pronged space cutlery. 

The final jeopardy however, was theirs to suffer. The Felis forces in their return pounce (now called FU2) tined the backwards 4CKs around and batted them all back from whence they came at even greater speeds. The entire civilization was Finished, Ultinately Beyond All Recovery. So it goes.


Here is another artifish that I wish to donate to your Society:

I must warn you that it is graphish in nature and you may wish to avert your eyes as well as those of young fry. 

It is the only known image of a destabilizing Sardinaut Test Pilot in a Temporal Travel Tin. 

Sardinaut Bluefin’s last known coordinates were to the planet Starkist in the year 2005. 

The TTT tragically returned empty except for a few Wonder Bread crumbs that are still mysteriously fresh today. All our sciencefish can confirm is that it is definitely alien matter.

I fish you success in completing your collection for the eddy-fication of future schools. 

Fincerely yours,

KC4


----------



## Kazak

So it goes, indeed. 

Ever read Joyce? I think you would like Ulysses, and perhaps you could even make it through Finnegan's Wake (pun convenient, but not intended), the only book that's beaten me twice.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Hmmm. Is Sardinia named after . . . a fish?


No fish is an island.


Ever been there?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> No fish is an island.
> 
> 
> Ever been there?


Yes! I was there in the spring of 2022.
Nothing new. Everything that ever has been always will be and everything that ever will be always has been.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Spring of 2022!! 

Is this the way you did it?






​


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

He'd go higher if he didn't have so much junk in the trunk.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> He'd go higher if he didn't have so much junk in the trunk.


You trying to high junk the thread?


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> You trying to high junk the thread?


Tusk, tusk.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> You trying to high junk the thread?


That's the whole porpoise of this thread isn't it?


----------



## Kazak

SnOrca!


----------



## KC4

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case it falls on my chair,
And I'm wondering how to get it down the stairs,
Cheddars to the left of me,
Jacks to the right, here I am,
Tuck in the middle and chew.

Yes I've snuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this cheese from my fate,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the plate,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle of fools.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made fan,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Cheeeeese.... Pleeeease.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can eat anymore
Colbys to the left of me, Tilsit to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with Blue.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made fan,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Tap you for snack and say,
Cheeeeese.... Pleeeeease.....

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get it outta my hair,
Crackers to the left of me,
Jarlsberg to the right, here I am,
Snuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
I’ll stick in the middle with you.

- Stealer’s Cheese Wheel​


----------



## Kazak

Brava!

Music and lyrics by Gerry Rafferty and Joe Edam


----------



## KC4

;>


----------



## Kazak

Of course, Ke-hen-u Reeves in Dangerous Layeggsions.


----------



## KC4

I rather enjoyed Kay-Hen-U in Beak and Ted's Eggscellent Adventures.


----------



## Kazak

Or in The Laytrix with Hairy And Moos.


----------



## KC4

Oh yes, of course you would mention Hairy and Moos....a Vancooveright.

I'm partial to Lawrence Fishburne of course...who played Moopheus in the Laytrix series.

I also like him in Chicken Scene Investigation: Lost Wages


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I quite liked Gregory Peck in ... (more later)


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I quite liked Gregory Peck in ...


. . . The Guns of Provolone?
. . . Moooby Dick?
. . . The Bulls from Brazil?
. . . MooocArthur?
. . . The O-hen?
. . . To Kill a Clucking Bird?
. . . Twelve O'Cluck High?
. . . The Snows of Chickenmanjarlsberg?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> I'm partial to Lawrence Fishburne of course...


And your favourite band in the 80s was Sushi and the Banshees. (snort and wail)
I was partial to Split Henz, whom you must have also liked, since they were fronted by the Finn brothers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Macfury

That's quite a crop of wattle jokes.


----------



## KC4

Wattle ya do about it?


----------



## Kazak

The wattle is wide,
I can't cross over . . .


----------



## KC4

I'll take the turkey and you the buzzard or you take the buzzard and I the turkey.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It wouldn't be wizard if
You got the buzzard
Stuck in your gizzard


----------



## Kazak

However, it would also be murky
If you acted all perky
After eating the turkey.


----------



## KC4

Gobble? Gobble?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Spam the King of junk food - diluting the people's feculence since 1937.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Spam the King of junk food - diluting the people's feculence since 1937.


Which doesn't speak very well for our Die-it, does it? 
I'll think I'll go eat an organic apple now. 
Maybe a slice of organic goat cheese to go with.


----------



## SINC

You _have_ an organic goat?


----------



## Kazak

You have a robotic goat? (goatroid?)


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## Kazak

Once again, consumers pay the price when Jonathan Ive is not consulted. It probably has a floppy drive in . . . oh, never mind.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Acting the goat.*


----------



## KC4

Don't let it get your goat Snapple.


----------



## Kazak

VIZZINI

Whoever he is, he's too late! See! [Pointing skyward] The Cliffs of Insanity!!! Hurry up! Move ... the thing ... and that other thing! Move it!!! [Climbing out] We're safe ...only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours 'til he finds a harbor.

FEZZIK, with all three clinging to him, proceeds to climb a rope up the side of the cliff.

INIGO

[in amazement] He's climbing the rope ... and he's gaining on us.


----------



## KC4

[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up] 

Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE. 

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


----------



## Dr.G.

YouTube - The Princess Bride - Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya

"Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya"


----------



## SINC

We can only hope there is no Montoyota involved here.


----------



## Kazak

Well, that would explain why "he's gaining on us."


----------



## SINC

Speaking of Gaining . . .


----------



## KC4

Cliff Gainer!

Insane 115 Feet Gainer - Video


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Don't even think it, Fishy One.


----------



## KC4

Snoooooort!

Too easy...


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Snoooooort!
> 
> Too easy...


Thanks?


----------



## Kazak

SINC, that drawing reminds me of Biology 12, when we had to dissect a feral pig.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Kind of slooow in the morning.


Need a snort?


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, but I don't need pigstea in my pigsty.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> .


Don't even get me started!


----------



## Kazak

Wouldn't want to have a Mackerel Panic.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

How to succeed with women​





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Wouldn't want to have a Mackerel Panic.


I wouldn't want to have to ding a ling.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> How to succeed with women​


Oh yeah Snapple? When ......


----------



## Kazak

I've said it before, but . . . "When I click on Link, nothing happens." Mind you, maybe that's what Mrs. Hogthrob says, too.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I wouldn't want to have to ding a ling.


.....or moon a tuna! 


Kazak said:


> I've said it before, but . . . "When I click on Link, nothing happens." Mind you, maybe that's what Mrs. Hogthrob says, too.


Snooort!
(I'm pretty sure it's not Kosher)


----------



## SINC

Talk about ding a lings, remember this?


----------



## Kazak

Despondent was old Huckleberry Hound,
He could not bake his pie,
Until he had the *uckleberry found,
Now there's a twinkle in his eye.

(SINC's seemingly innocent question was actually designed to get one of us to reveal his/her fromage.)


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> (SINC's seemingly innocent question was actually designed to get one of us to reveal his/her fromage.)


Better your fromage than your frontage.


----------



## Kazak

No argument there.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mondays smell like old hessian sacks.

Discuss.


----------



## SINC

Sort of like the skinny on potatoes?


----------



## KC4

What's the matter Snapple? Burlap-top got you down? 
Fire up the old Jute-box and get some twines going! JUTE!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or maybe it's old Hessians.









I can never quite figure it out.​


----------



## KC4

No Jute-Box?
Och Aye pod!


----------



## Macfury

At least we're over the hemp.


----------



## KC4

Oh JUTE! 
I missed Hemp Day? 
(I used to sing something like this...)

I was a minnow last night in my dream
I swam down thru a clear running stream
I sang you the song that I heard up above
And you kept me afloat with my mind out of

Crayfish yeah, crayfish on jute
let me goat crayfish crayfish on jute
craaaayfish on jute
craaaayfish on jute
let me goat crayfish crazy on jute, yeaaah

crayfish on jute
crayfish on jute
let me goat crawfish crazy on you, ohhh


----------



## Kazak

Perhaps you are a barracougar, swimming around schools and sandbars, swishing your dreamboat fanny.


----------



## SINC

KC4 has a dreamboat fanny?


----------



## Macfury

SINC said:


> KC4 has a dreamboat fanny?


Yeah, but it's Fallen from Grace.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Perhaps you are a barracougar, swimming around schools and sandbars, swishing your dreamboat fanny.


I do swim around schools but I mostly stay out of sand & oyster bars...I'm more of the chocolate/granola bar type now. Barracougar...Haaaahahaha...What's the qualifishing age range of a Barracougar???


SINC said:


> KC4 has a dreamboat fanny?


Goldfish have FANTAILS,... er...never-mind. 


Macfury said:


> Yeah, but it's Fallen from Grace.


Butt, who is Grace?


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Butt, who is Grace?


Never met her, butt she is on Facebook. 

Grace Butt | Facebook


----------



## KC4

Ok, so maybe not bars.....butt does grub in a pub count?....(she says, texting from her iPhish)


----------



## SINC

Apparently only if you're a monkey . . .


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Kazak

Ah, the memories. (memonkeys?)


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> What's the qualifishing age range of a Barracougar???


Oh, I don't know. How about starting at the electrifying age of L?


----------



## KC4

Eel sink a boat it....


----------



## SINC

And reel-ly hard too.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> And reel-ly hard too.


Once a fisherman.....


----------



## Kazak

. . . never a bride?


----------



## The Doug

Something blew.


----------



## SINC

And something Gnu.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## The Doug

Something mouldy


----------



## SINC

Something really mouldy


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Something mouldy


mreally?


----------



## KC4

Ack. Mouldy old no, no, no....but older, sharper cheese ...Yes! 

So we've achieved critical mess:

Something Old+
Something Gnu+
Something Borrowed+
Something Blew
More Cheese Please! 
(just not the mouldy kind)


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Something Old+
> Something Gnu+
> Something Borrowed+
> Something Blew


.

Old Gnu and Something Blew:


----------



## Kazak

Nice day for a white wetting


----------



## KC4

Just in Time


----------



## Kazak

Hey little sister, that was quite a cognitive leap.


----------



## KC4

Yup, but Billy sure you pilots could keep up with an old tuna (sung by a punk Rock Cod).


----------



## Kazak

Idol hands . . .


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Idol hands . . .


While you're crayon about that, why don't you figure out how to get yourself and Snapple out of this Space Jam? (If it really Bugs you)


----------



## Kazak

AppleWorks (still) rules!






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Claris it can be.


----------



## The Doug

Here is my entry in the colouring competition. It is called Voice of Wabbit.


----------



## SINC

And I bet the government would buy it too for millions of tax dollars.


----------



## Kazak

First you'd need to get rid of the extraneous drawing surrounding the meaningful portion of the work.


----------



## Kazak

Good news, TD. Henceforth, everything you do will be recognized as a profound statement about the human condition.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I might point out that The Doug's effort is a disgraceful rip-off of my seminal work, called _The Point Of It All_, which I attach below.




Mine, of course, contains no cartoon and the coloured stripes are rendered in white - the whole being the size of a one micro-pixel square.


----------



## KC4

I'd rather script it:

SQ: Oh Goodie...It smells like carrot sacks in here.

Kazak: Woof.

Bugs: I know this defies the law of gravity but I never studied Law. 

Kazak: Woof.

Bugs: The way I run this thing you'd think I know something about it.

SQ: Ecosse, Ecosse, eCUSS! Brace yourself for immediate disintegration. 

Kazak: Woof.


----------



## Macfury

MF: If my good friend KC4 was hiding in this oven, do you think I'd turn up the gas?
Kazak: You might, Macfury, you might...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bugs: Nyeeehhhh. When do I strike the match?


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, Mf, for letting me escape from the stereotyped roles I usually get ("Woof" indeed!). I'm going to get ACTRA all over her fantail. I'm also up for another speaking part; I know my lines all ready:

Which way did he go? Which way did he go?


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Which way did he go? Which way did he go?


I'm gonna find Kay Cee Four and cut off her tail!

(It was years before I realized this character was supposed to be a spoof on Lon Chaney Jr.'s portrayal of Lenny in _Of Mice and Men_.)


----------



## KC4

Hmmmphfff!
Any more talk of fish gassing, roasting, exploding and de-tailing will earn you a visit from my brother, Tiny.


----------



## The Doug

Time for Kazak to regale us with a haipoo.


----------



## SINC

Perhaps a harpoon would be more appropriate given "Tiny's" presence here.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Time for Kazak to regale us with a haipoo.


sharks should be macho
but in this cold, cold water
they call me Tiny


----------



## The Doug

_shrinkage o shrinkage
in those cold water washes
his confidence, nil_


----------



## Kazak

a lifeless sea slug
protect my sister? you jest
I need Viaqua


----------



## KC4

Snapple Macfury
SINC teeth, Doug meet Big Dog meat
Revenge is so sweet


----------



## Kazak

Hey! Señor Tiny. How much for your seester?​


----------



## KC4

No point even bothering with the bat signal.


----------



## Kazak

Couples' therapy, 60s style.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Macfury

I don't know about you, chum...


----------



## Kazak

You know, I really don't think SINC deserves all this hostility. He's been pretty quiet in these parts lately.

I'm also not sure why Tiny has taken such a liking to havatari.


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

OOoooooh, more wabbit woes. I wonda were dis wabbit went?


----------



## KC4

Hey _were_ are all the Pilots today? Maybe the big bad were-wabbit got them?
It wasn't Tiny - he was just playin'. 

Those silly wabbits. (Bugs rules!)




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

abraca-pocus!


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

Speedy's cheesy all right. now you know:





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Dr.G.

The remake of "Puss in Boots".


----------



## Kazak

Fish-'n-Boots​


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> View attachment 13224
> 
> Fish-'n-Boots​


Good one. :lmao::lmao:


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Speedy's cheesy all right. now you know:


¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! Underwear! Underwear! 



Dr.G. said:


> The remake of "Puss in Boots".


Pooch 'n Boots?


----------



## Dr.G.

"Pooch 'n Boots? " Good one, KC4. :clap::lmao:
Gotta love those Foxy Doxies. :love2:


----------



## KC4

Just my 2 scents worth.


----------



## Kazak

The Larch





​


----------



## Macfury

"Bottom."


----------



## The Doug

The The


----------



## Macfury

You're Infected.


----------



## KC4

But he's not completely dead m'lord. No. But he's not at all well.

Say no more...know what I mean?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Not completely dead? Call this a test thread?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Not completely dead? Call this a test thread?


Yes indeed. It was originally supposed to be the dead test thread in the place. Turns out it's still alive.


----------



## Kazak

It's only mostly dead.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Like the Curate's Egg, only dead in parts?


----------



## Kazak

This is perSEcution.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ipso facto.


----------



## KC4

The LARCH.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Long as things don't Fester.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Every time I take a peek in this thread lately, the Mongolian National Anthem comes unbidden into one of my frontal lobes. Who's doing it? I have my suspicions.

And why is the official state motto of Mongolia "What's that smell?"?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And why is the official state motto of Mongolia "What's that smell?"?


Seems quite gender neutral. :clap:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Seems quite gender neutral.


The smell?

Interesting.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And why is the official state motto of Mongolia "What's that smell?"?


I Khan't tell you.


----------



## Macfury

Khannnnnnn!!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I Khan't tell you.


Yurt give it a try.


----------



## Kazak

I hope Ulan Bator the plane runs out of fuel.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yur going to UlaanBaatar?

Bring back some yak cheese?


----------



## Kazak

Done.





​


----------



## KC4

I'm really not sure about food that talks back.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> I'm really not sure about food that talks back.


Talking bait!!!???


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> I'm really not sure about food that talks back.


I guess you won't be eating any talkos, yackaroni, chatlins, Yell-o, screamsicles, calliflour, askpic, or heckleberries then.


----------



## KC4

Yell-O was bad enough before but now it's gone EXTREME. I'll just be pudding it all back on the shelf now.


----------



## SINC

I see, you're being shelfish about it then?


----------



## KC4

I'm clamming up.


----------



## Macfury

^^^^^^^^
She was in a jam....


----------



## Kazak

Let's try this again:






​


----------



## KC4

.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Woot! Love smiles at me.


----------



## KC4

Seriously. You guys really need to stop listening to "the voices". 
JoJo is too far gone gone.


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSNrbjiDaMg


----------



## KC4

*Asstrology I appreciate...*

*Libra*
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.


----------



## KC4

*Scorpio*

You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> *Libra*
> You can't make a decision on your own. You constantly worry about what other people think.


I confess only to the above. 

Velour, maybe.


----------



## KC4

I may have snorted Chock-Ful-o-Nuts in my past and while I am disappointed that I haven't been abducted by aliens or achieved World Domination ...there is still time.


----------



## KC4

*Aquarius*

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they **** everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.


----------



## KC4

*Cancer*

You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans.

<SnOrT>
If I've missed your profile and you wish to go check it out:
Funny Horoscopes - Funny Sun Signs Descriptions - Astrology Humour


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> I may have snorted Chock-Ful-o-Nuts in my past and while I am disappointed that I haven't been abducted by aliens or achieved World Domination ...there is still time.


World Dolphination: So long, and thanks for all the goldfish.


----------



## KC4

EEEk. 
EEEEEK.
EEEEEEEEEEE!
(having a Salmon of Doubt)


----------



## Kazak

A Salman of Doubt​


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Macfury

> Last edited by Kazak; Today at 12:35 PM. Reason: Just because.


Why? We did not rush thee...


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Why? We did not rush thee...


No, but I have to share this thread with the Satanic Fishes.


----------



## Macfury

What about Satanic forces?


----------



## KC4

I've always pelt it was a jungle out there. 

(Nice outfit Kaz! Woot!
Did you make that yourself?)


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> (Nice outfit Kaz! Woot!
> Did you make that yourself?)


"Make" is not the word I would use. I actually tore it out of some poor animal's hide with my teeth.

Sadly, my story is much like Samson's. I had the hyphen removed from my name so I could be truly palindromic, but when I lost the hyphen, I also lost the abs, the quads, the hair . . . I lost a lot. After that, the sabre-tooth was embarrassed to be seen with me, so I retired from the public eye and became a humble English teacher (kind of like Sting in reverse--gnits, if you like).


----------



## KC4

Still in the jungle - but with scarier animals. (shudder)

Just remember, the pen is mightier than the horde.


----------



## Kazak

And, no doubt, the fin is mightier than the snort.


----------



## KC4

FYI


----------



## SINC

Snort


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> FYI


Snot very interesting.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Snot very interesting.


BLOW it Snapple!

Then please, green bean, post something that you think _is _interesting....
I'm waiting.....
Hmmmm........ ?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Then please, green bean, post something that you think _is _interesting....
> I'm waiting.....
> Hmmmm........ ?


Wait no more ...


----------



## KC4

@ Doug : The request was for "interesting" not "freakishly disturbing!" Alien meets Damien, Alone at Home. There's another idea for Hollywood to run with. I'd go see it. 



Snapple Quaffer said:


> Wait no more ...
> ​


That's Treemendous. I guess he didn't want to leaf anything behind.


----------



## SINC

Found this one lion around . . .


----------



## The Doug

That cat possibly be real.


----------



## KC4

My oh my, you sure know how to arrange things.
You stilt up so well, so carefully. 
Ain't it funny how your new height didn't change things?
You're still the same old growl you used to be.

You can't hide your lion eyes 
And your smile is a thin disguise 
I thought by now you'd realize 
There ain't no way to hide your lion eyes 
There ain't no way to hide your lion eyes 
Honey, you can't hide your lion eyes


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

(swoons) :love2::love2::love2::love2: 
Gotta love a guy that can really sing. 
Is he coming to Calgary any time soon? I _must_ get tickets.
Front row seats if possible.



(He sounds like Mr. Bean to me)


----------



## The Doug

Did you see the original non-remix version? If not go look. It's special.

I stumbled on the above remix version and I couldn't stop laughing; it's brilliant and perfect.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> Did you see the original non-remix version? If not go look. It's special.
> 
> I stumbled on the above remix version and I couldn't stop laughing; it's brilliant and perfect.


Yup - the original is good, but the remix is da Boomb.





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.






:love2::love2::love2::love2:


----------



## The Doug

Tragedy.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> Tragedy


Tragedy? It's about time. I've tried many times to alert the authorities to the dangers of cheese-chasing in all its forms. It's only a matter of time before something bad happens. As a parallel, see how they've finally listened to wiser voices and are shutting down that bloody Large Hadron Collider!

Cheese-chasing ... Large Hadron Collider ... notice anything there?

Next on the list - goats.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> Tragedy.


(sob) 
It _is_ a tragedy!

Double Gloucester Ouster Trouble! 

First this, then what? The annihilation of Asiago? The Cancellation of Camembert? 
It could be the Finish for Feta... (Feta accompli?) 
I'm Briesides myself.
(choke) 


Snapple : You're kidding? Somebody got your goat...AGAIN?


----------



## The Doug

With Gloucester stricken from the list, I think I have found an alternate destination for my tourist dollars.





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

^^^ Lends new meaning to "getting into the sauce". Woot!

Snapple : I didn't see any goats except for a guy in a white suit at the end of the clip. It's only a matter of time until he gets pasted.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You didn't see any guys except for a goat in a white suit ...

You need your water changed.


----------



## KC4

Brace yourself Snapple.....


----------



## Kazak

Every society blames its problems on a bracegoat.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Brace yourself Snapple.....


_All that glisters is not goat._ ... William Cheesespeare


----------



## Kazak

A goatation for every goatcasion, that's our SQ.


----------



## KC4

Or how about a song?







PADDY MCGINTY'S GOAT
(Traditional)
Val Doonican - 1967


Mister Patrick McGinty, an Irishman of note,
Came into a fortune, so bought himself a goat.
Said he, "Sure, of goat's milk I mean to have my fill!"
But when he got his Nanny home, he found it was a Bill.

And now all the ladies who live in Killaloo
Are all wearing bustles like their mothers used to do.
They each wear a bolster beneath the petticoat,
And leave the rest to Providence and Paddy McGinty's goat!

Missis Burke to her daughter said, "Listen, Mary Jane, .
Now who was the man you were cuddling in the lane?
He'd long wiry whiskers all hanging from his chin."
"Twas only Pat McGinty's goat, " she answer'd with a grin.

Then she went away from the village in disgrace,
She came back with powder and paint upon her face.
She'd rings on her fingers, and she wore a sable coat,
You bet your life they never came from Paddy McGinty's goat.

Little Norah McCarthy the knot was going to tie,
She washed all her trousseau and hung it out to dry.
Then up came the goat and he saw the bits of white:
He chewed up all her falderals, and on her wedding night:

"Oh turn out the gas quick!" she shouted out to Pat,
For though l'm your bride, sure l'm not worth looking at.
I'd got two of ev'rything, I told you when I wrote,
But now I've one of nothing, all thro' Paddy McGinty's goat.'

Mickey Riley he went to the races t'other day.
He won twenty dollars and shouted, "Hip Hooray!!"
He held up the note, shouting "Look what I've got!"
The goat came up and grabbed at it and swallowed all the lot.

"He's eaten my banknote," said Mickey, with the hump.
They ran for the doctor, he brought a stomach pump.
He pumped and he pumped for that twenty dollar note,
But all he got was ninepence out of Paddy McGinty's goat.

Now old Paddy's Goat had a wonderous appetite, 
and one day for breakfast he ate some dynamite. 
A whole box of matches he swallowed all serene 
and then he went and gobbled up a quart of paraffin. 

He sat by the fireside, he didn't give a hang, 
swallowed a spark and exploded and exploded with a bang. 
SO if you go to heaven you can bet a dollar note....
that the Angel with the whiskers on is Paddy McGinty's Goat. 

The End


----------



## Kazak

I didn't see the real lyrics the first time 'round, KC4, so I wrote me own.

Me brothers decided that I should swim,
While wearin' me winter coat,
They threw me in the water and said,
Now, laddie, begin to float,
I thrashed and flailed awhile to reach
Me Daddy perched in the boat
Instead, I sucked in sea and sank faster than
Paddy Maginty's goat.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I didn't see the real lyrics the first time 'round, KC4, so I wrote me own.
> 
> Me brothers decided that I should swim,
> While wearin' me winter coat,
> They threw me in the water and said,
> Now, laddie, begin to float,
> I thrashed and flailed awhile to reach
> Me Daddy perched in the boat
> Instead, I sucked in sea and sank faster than
> Paddy Maginty's goat.


Yes, the lost lyrics were found and added later. Your version works very well too. In any event, the jig is still up for Paddy McGinty's poor goat! :-(


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Oh! He's ba -aa-aa--aaaa-ack! 

That's the most splendid thing about goats (other than goat cheese, of course) is that they always seem to bounce back.


----------



## SINC

I thought it a bracing shot to start the day!


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## Kazak

Although afternoon temperatures would be in the low 30s, Bill still found it necessary while biking to work every morning to wear a spring goat.


----------



## KC4

Goat Couture?


----------



## Macfury

Billy coat ruff.


----------



## Mac_100x

I'm guessing this was probably the first thread made on this wonderful forum  
to see if everything works. 

So... Woof Woof?


----------



## Macfury

Not the first but the best!


----------



## KC4

Mac_100x said:


> So... Woof Woof?


Oh no - not ANOTHER ONE! 

(Don't think it was one of the first threads, just one that was hijacked for entertainment purposes. Welcome to the Test Thread Mac_100X. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, welcome indeed, Mac_100X.



KC4 said:


> Don't think it was one of the first threads, just one that was hijacked for entertainment purposes.


And pay no attention the comment above. The trouble with fish is they don't take anything seriously.

Any input re goats and/or cheese would be most welcome.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> Not the first but the best!


Cute Kids. 
Unfortunate sign vantage point.
Could be ba-a-a-adly misinterpreted.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And pay no attention the comment above. The trouble with fish is they don't take anything seriously.


Says the green bean from another world, possibly another universe, definitely another time zone. We don't know for sure. 

I am a completely serious and _never_ silly fish. Seriously.


----------



## SINC

Sez you, but we've seen your act before:


----------



## Mac_100x

This indeed is a very entertaining thread!! I couldn't help my self but laugh at how funny this thread is.  
So good to see people full of joy!


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Not the first but the best!


Just what we need: a picture of cute kids rammed down our goats.

Hope you won't be intimidated, Mac_100x. I think we unintentionally scare some folks off. Truth be told, I don't even like most cheeses.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Well, his argument is obviously full of holes. A clear case of the goat calling the kettle blaaaaaaack.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Truth be told, I don't even like most cheeses.


Goat out of here. You're Kidding! 
Look what happens when you udder such strong curds...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg


----------



## Kazak

It's kind of like being nargoatleptic.


----------



## Macfury

I'm going to chevre these comments aside.


----------



## KC4

Test Thread Mugs?
Just a suggoation.​


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

I've got to hand it to you TD, that's quite a way to start the day.


----------



## KC4

Call the Mayor! Dere's BANDITS under them thar floor boards agin!


----------



## Macfury

Well, KC, looks like that there's Muskie or Vince. It sure ain't Old Fightah...


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Call the Mayor! Dere's BANDITS under them thar floor boards agin!


Or perhaps it's HAND-ITS.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Some of those coins looked suspiciously like groats ... they get everywhere.


----------



## SINC

Is this thread slowing down? I feel like I'm on a slow goat to China.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> Well, KC, looks like that there's Muskie or Vince. It sure ain't Old Fightah...


Hmmm...that catfish looks mighty tough. If that dawg was thinkin' he was gonna get hisself a mess o' catfish....I'm guessin' that catfish was thinking he was gonna get hisself a mess o' hush puppies.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes!

(I just got the maximum score* at cribbage - a first for me.)

* I'm sure you're all too mature to be jealous, but a small tinge of green wouldn't go amiss.

It's 29 btw.


----------



## Kazak

Colour me green. I've never had a 29. Growing up, I remember a neighbour making the local paper for a 29 hand.


----------



## KC4

Tres Bien Monsieur Snapple!
I am envious. 

Mostly, I played crib with my Dad. Mostly, I got skunked.








C'est La Vie.


----------



## Macfury

His nibs.


----------



## The Doug

Never had you pegged as a cribbager SQ - I thought your passe-temps of preference would have been Parcheesi.


----------



## SINC

Ah, the illusive 29. 

I've had 28 hands many times, but never perfection.

I do however, see it on my crib board every time I play:


----------



## Dr.G.

I once had three ............ my best score to date.


----------



## KC4

Lucky Charms are magically delicious!


----------



## Kazak

Silly fish. Trix are for kids.​


----------



## Dr.G.

"Silly fish. Trix are for kids" ........ and doxies ............. so long as they don't eat too many and leave behind the milk in the bowl.


----------



## Kazak

Hey, Dr. G. Looks like you've found a good use for the St. John's real estate section.


----------



## Kazak

I borrowed this from another thread:


Dr.G. said:


> Wow!!! Tried it a third time and got a response that I had "Schizoaffective disorder tendancies", bordering upon "dillusions" of wanting to become a "new Roman emperor". Luckily, I did not use my real name so that they can't come and take me away.



Dr. G., here at the Test thread, we happily name you New Romano Emperor. We think you're grate. If this were a democracy, we'd goat for you.

Of course, they'll probably come for you anyway.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Hey, Dr. G. Looks like you've found a good use for the St. John's real estate section.


Yes, housing prices never zoomed up here in St.John's, so they are not falling much now .............. but they are great for puppies. :lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I borrowed this from another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> Dr. G., here at the Test thread, we happily name you New Romano Emperor. We think you're grate. If this were a democracy, we'd goat for you.
> 
> Of course, they'll probably come for you anyway.


 Such is Life. As the old saying goes, "Live brie or die".


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I borrowed this from another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> Dr. G., here at the Test thread, we happily name you New Romano Emperor. We think you're grate. If this were a democracy, we'd goat for you.
> 
> Of course, they'll probably come for you anyway.


Especially if you give them a billy answer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Never had you pegged as a cribbager SQ - I thought your passe-temps of preference would have been Parcheesi.


Been cribbaging since I was a nipper ... when my pa used me as one of the pegs.

Parcheesey sounds good. Chevre, by any means?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Silly fish. Trix are for kids.​


OK, so how about....
 CO CO CO COCOA PUFFS! 

( I rather prefer the Count Chocula but Macfury keeps eating it all)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm starting to have second thoughts about goats.

Perhaps it's mice that are the real problem. After all, the little b*ggers can get anywhere, unheard, unseen.


----------



## SINC

During winter here mice are no problem. They all turn into mycycles.


----------



## Kazak

Patrick McGoohan was Count Chocula? Someone deserves a Make-up Emmy.

Of course, I've never seen a picture of them together . . . It all makes a crazy kind of sense now . . .


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Patrick McGoohan was Count Chocula? Someone deserves a Make-up Emmy.
> 
> Of course, I've never seen a picture of them together . . . It all makes a crazy kind of sense now . . .


I though he was played by Leo McCorn.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cheesy corn.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or corny cheese?


----------



## KC4

Telaxian Gaborsti Stew. Gets them in tribble every time.


----------



## KC4

A little byte better than the Telaxian stew maybe....

iPad Thai


----------



## Kazak

The price one pays for being head cheese, iSuppose.


----------



## SINC

iHeadCheese rules!


----------



## Kazak

This is your brain on Test.


----------



## KC4

........or on HIGH Test......


----------



## SINC

Or just high . . .


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

You'd look like that, too, if you had a hand up your . . .


----------



## KC4

Better to let the Goat cross
than you crossing it.​


----------



## Kazak

What if I want to get your goat?


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

Unbillyvable.


----------



## SINC

The billiest video I've seen in a while.


----------



## KC4

How dee Neigh ba -aa-aa-aa-aaa!







Goat a minute to chew the fa-aa-aaa-aat?​


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> How dee Neigh ba -aa-aa-aa-aaa!
> View attachment 13483
> 
> Goat a minute to chew the fa-aa-aaa-aat?​


Looks like Kilroy was here. (many of you are most likely too young to know the reference)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Wot, no goats?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Can I ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Will I ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

5001 !!!!


----------



## The Doug

Congoatulacheese!


----------



## KC4

Snapple wins the award for taking the Test Thread past 5000 posts! Woooooot! 







It's now a Feta-aa-aa-a-aaa Accompliii-ii-ii-ii

Take your pick of prizes here.


----------



## Kazak

For the record:

1,000th post: Trose
2,000th post: Snapple Quaffer
3,000th post: rgray
4,000th post: Kazak
5,000th post: Snapple Quaffer (repeat offender)

Furthermore, of the first 5,000 posts:

#1 poster: Kazak 863
#2 poster: The Doug 732
#3 poster: Snapple Quaffer 726
#4 poster: SINC 720
#5 poster: KC4 336 (NKCOTB)

These five people (or entities, since none of us uses a human form as an avatar) accounted for just over 2/3 of the first 5,000 posts. 

And remember: under the list of "Similar Threads" for the mighty Test thread, we find this:

How do I get rid of MS Office 2004 test drive?

(Answer: 42)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Swot.


----------



## SINC

More goats


----------



## SINC

And now for something completely differentL


----------



## KC4

If he possessed a train of thought, it was nearly permanently derailed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

At this mighty milestone along the glittering highway that is the Test Thread, let us pause and salute the one who was responsible for its birth ...

... thewitt.

And he only posted once?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> At this mighty milestone along the glittering highway that is the Test Thread, let us pause and salute the one who was responsible for its birth ...
> 
> ... thewitt.
> 
> And he only posted once?


Amen, Brother SQ. And while it is true that he whom we call thewitt has made no further comment on his creation, it is also true that an oak may grow from a single acorn, albeit a stunted, twisted, misshapen, infested oak that offers no more respite from the burning sun than an umbrella frame (folded).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... it is also true that an oak may grow from a single acorn, albeit a stunted, twisted, misshapen, infested oak that offers no more respite from the burning sun than an umbrella frame (folded).


 ... and full of bagworms, cheese-fetishists, goat-people, dung gatherers and the like.

Oh. And the odd fish.


----------



## Kazak

An odd fish, indeed.

Perhaps you meant cheese-fetashists.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As for thewitt, shall we await a second coming? What will the signs be? Do we have relics or does he still walk among us?

Answers on a postcard please, c/o the Test thread, ehMac.ca


----------



## Kazak

The anniversary of his last sighting (April 17, 2009) is approaching. I propose a holiday in honour of his physical departure from this vale of weirdness (he being still very much here in spirit). We could call it Wittster.

He may have many names. We are left to wonder: is it T. Hewitt? The Witt? The Wit-T? (my favourite)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We'll have to sacrifice someone ... I mean some_thing_, in his honour.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We'll have to sacrifice someone ... I mean some_thing_, in his honour.


Here is the perfect "thing" to sacrifice. I think that she knows that she is a goner. :-(


----------



## Kazak

She's way too cute to sacrifice, Dr. G. And besides, our budding religion here is, as you would expect, unorthodoxie.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> She's way too cute to sacrifice, Dr. G. And besides, our budding religion here is, as you would expect, unorthodoxie.


Good one, Kazak. Still, she is a Reform Doxie. If you want an "orthodoxie", choose this one -- he is already behind bars for preaching an "unorthodoxie" version of The Holy Kibble.


----------



## Chris

Dog is my co-pilot.


----------



## Kazak

Good one, Chris. All day, I've been thinking about the "Todd" episode of Dilbert (season 2 - episode 12). Anyone seen it?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> ...
> 
> Oh. And the odd fish.



That would be _The_ Odd Fish, if you please.



Kazak said:


> An odd fish, indeed.


I resemble that remark, indeedy. 



Snapple Quaffer said:


> At this mighty milestone along the glittering highway that is the Test Thread, let us pause and salute the one who was responsible for its birth ...
> 
> ... thewitt.
> 
> And he only posted once?


Don't you think it is truly fitting, perhaps destiny, for the creator, the OP to be named The Wit -T ?? 
I shall commence my quest forthwith (forth fish?...Gasp! Another karmic sign!) to find the meaning of all this!


----------



## KC4

Chris said:


> Dog is my co-pilot.


Yes! Yes! Dog is my Too- picl also!


----------



## Kazak

Too-picl?

How about pot coil, top coil, cool tip, cop toil?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Too-picl?
> 
> How about pot coil, top coil, cool tip, cop toil?


Yeah yeah..good, but not as Toopicl.

How about:
Too Clip (bad haircut) 
or 
Pli Coot (someone who does strange things with household paper goods, especially toilet paper) 
or 
Cloopti (the sound of your car keys falling into the toilet)


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Cloopti (the sound of your car keys falling into the toilet)


Tee hee.


----------



## KC4

When your keys drop in the toilet, you really want to get the h out of there!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Car keys down the cludgie? Easy way to drive yourself mad.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

:lmao:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## SINC

What the H is a cludgie?


----------



## The Doug

It's just like a bog.


----------



## SINC

And this is just like a dog:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> And this is just like a dog:


 ... heading for the cludgie by the looks of it.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> What the H is a cludgie?


Strange lingo from Planet Snapple in the Quaffer quadrant. 

cludgie - Scottish Word a Week - illustration and definition.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Strange lingo from Planet Snapple in the Quaffer quadrant.


Hmmpff.

Well, I suppose it's the people version of the what the fishes use, namely the open sea, where the seat is permanently up, there's no need to queue, you never run out of paper, privacy is a non-starter and 'flush' is permanently on.
On the upside, there's no problem with blocked drains.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Hmmpff.
> 
> Well, I suppose it's the people version of the what the fishes use, namely the open sea, where the seat is permanently up, there's no need to queue, you never run out of paper, privacy is a non-starter and 'flush' is permanently on.
> On the upside, there's no problem with blocked drains.


Hmmmpf, indeed!

Us sofishticated types keep our bowls fresh, tank you very much.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> :lmao:


Really now. Laughing at one's own jokes?


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Really now. Laughing at one's own jokes?


It takes the suspense out of waiting for audience approval!


----------



## Kazak

Maybe not such a bad thing, then. I know from personal experience that can be a very long wait.

Very.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I know, I know. It was shameful. I tried to compensate with a  afterwards, but the shame lingers.

Then again, when I think of goats, the shame they should feel permanently puts mine into the shade.


----------



## Kazak

Encore une fois:

The shaaaaaame in Spaaaaaain staaaaaays maaaaaainly in the shaaaaaade.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I think you've got it!
I think you've got it!


----------



## KC4

I think ewe goat it!
I think ewe goat it!
Répétez!


----------



## Kazak

André creep . . .


----------



## SINC

"Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: '*Andre creep ... Andre creep ... Andre creep*.'"


----------



## KC4

André crept like a crab with three and a half legs, dragging , dragging, dragging a heavy jute sack bulging and bristling and merrily brimming with sinister possibilities and reeking of cheap aftershave, French onion soup and goats. What could be in that, that, that... (ragged sob) ... Sack? 
Hessians maybe?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fish.


----------



## The Doug

Chips.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Pepper. (Shnoooort)

One bottle-a-pop . . .


----------



## The Doug

Newspaper.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, we've never had Jesus' face appear on a grilled cheese sandwich, but we did once have the Easter Bunny appear in the fish'n'chips box (the Greaster Bunny?).







Saint Kazak, anyone?​


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Kiss me, Mona!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Vinegar & salt.


----------



## The Doug

Lemon.


----------



## The Doug

Tartar Sauce.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Okay, we've never had Jesus' face appear on a grilled cheese sandwich, but we did once have the Easter Bunny appear in the fish'n'chips box (the Greaster Bunny?).
> View attachment 13546
> 
> Saint Kazak, anyone?​


You know Kaz that in order to be Sainted you have to be dead. Not fake dead or mostly dead either. 
Just saying. 

If you are truly moved by this vision and determined to be sainted, then I'll presume that you have preserved the miracle Greaster Bunny and have it suitably enshrined, alter style in your home. The basement will do.

May I suggest you consider keeping these offishally sanctioned candles lit and on the altar at all times (if you haven't done so already)?
Greaster Bunny Worshipping Wax

Prepare for the next sighting...the Great Greaster _is_ is soon to return...and you ALL know what the Greaster Bunny brings....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ts0Po0cHX0


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Vinegar & salt.





The Doug said:


> Lemon.





The Doug said:


> Tartar Sauce.


I'm TELLING!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Crisp batter.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And some onion rings and a pickled egg.

Make that two.

Eggs.

No roe.


----------



## Kazak

That's SQ for you, always following the straight and no roe.


----------



## SINC

Eggs are no roe? I always thought them kinda pudgy.


----------



## The Doug

Pudgy? If you don't want 'em, toss 'em in the cludgie.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And flush twice please - it's a long way to the nearest McDonalds.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And flush twice please - it's a long way to the nearest McDonalds.


Yep, agreed - rather puts the "Cra" in your Happy Meal now doesn't it?


----------



## Kazak

I was always partial to the Irish menu entry: Filet O'Fish.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I was always partial to the Irish menu entry: Filet O'Fish.


Actually I tried one once and they're more like "OFFish".


----------



## Kazak

Must be because they're processed in an offish tower, under the offishial auspicses of some offishious offisher.


----------



## KC4

Luckily, they are not made of real fish....not reely, Just something ...fish-ish-ishy.


----------



## SINC

You mean like the imitation crab they make offa fake fish?


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> You mean like the imitation crab they make offa fake fish?


Those are offal. 

Sea-legs can't dance.


----------



## The Doug

Steven Seagal can't dance either. However as an actor his emotional range is phenomenal.


----------



## KC4

Yes, I've always felt that Steven Seagal's acting abilities were a-maaaa-ZING!


----------



## Kazak

Not much of a maze, but it's also not much of a metaphor for life. I'll take winding paths and even the occasional dead end over a simple A to B any day.

Full disclosure:
I know that most of you are confident people who don't care what others think, but I tend to worry about such things, so I'd like to say that I have never actually eaten a McDonald's Filet O Fish sandwich, and, at my kids' insistence, I haven't eaten at McDonald's at all in something like five years.

Our kids are smarter than us, you know.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Full disclosure:
> I know that most of you are confident people who don't care what others think, but I tend to worry about such things, so I'd like to say that I have never actually eaten a McDonald's Filet O Fish sandwich, and, at my kids' insistence, I haven't eaten at McDonald's at all in something like five years.


In Buffalo, NY I had a Shamrock Shake last week. 

Where are you Arctic Orange?


----------



## SINC

Pickles!

I couldn't wait undill I changed the topic.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*ouch!​*




​


----------



## KC4

Poor chap. Seems unclear on the proper use of rubbers.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Poor chap. Seems unclear on the proper use of rubbers.


Oh boy could I touch that one, but nope, not even with an eleven foot pole!


----------



## Macfury

SINC said:


> Oh boy could I touch that one, but nope, not even with an eleven foot pole!


If you had one.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Poor chap. Seems unclear on the proper use of rubbers.


I'm not so sure. The head is fully covered and the tip is not blocked. I think we should send two gross of these to Ottawa, so we don't get you-know-what-ed by our elected representatives. (Liberals will need to be convinced that, yes, they do have to wear them, while Tories will need instructions--preferably simple illustrations--on how to put them on.)


----------



## SINC

Macfury said:


> If you had one.


Ah, that's where you would be wrong. I've kept an eleven foot pole in my garage for years now for just such occasions. And for the record, it is a certified 11 feet long. By myself and my neighbour of course. 

Sadly, we had to buy a 12 foot length to make it happen.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I'm not so sure. The head is fully covered and the tip is not blocked. I think we should send two gross of these to Ottawa, so we don't get you-know-what-ed by our elected representatives. (Liberals will need to be convinced that, yes, they do have to wear them, while Tories will need instructions--preferably simple illustrations--on how to put them on.)


No way - then our elected reprehensibles will definitely boot us all in the.....assets.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Welly got it on facing the right way, anyways.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

We had goats, we had fish,
We had cheeses in the sun.


----------



## KC4

YEAH! ... Too much wine and too much song,
wonder how I got along.....
. la la laaaah...la laa.laaaa.....
. la ....
. .......
.
.
*
* 
*
........waaiiit a cottin pickle minute here....

this is sounding like a picnic and I see I'm invited, but I'm not thinkin' in a good way......

Hmmmphfffff!


----------



## Kazak

No worries. Too many bones.


----------



## SINC

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones.


----------



## Chris

*COUGH!*

Sorry, cod a bone stuck in my throat.


----------



## KC4

A Salt and Battery case!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

This is why you put the brush on the end before you start with the dental hygiene. (Hat optional)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's what happens when you floss your brain with a conger eel.


----------



## The Doug

Mock him not, for he is the King Of The Internet.


----------



## KC4

AL? AL!

Is that YOU?

AWESOME !!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

5100

Zzzzzzz .....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are we nearly there yet?


----------



## Kazak

Nes.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Nes.


sie:


----------



## Kazak

That's worth a loch.


----------



## KC4

Oh Go Pogo.


----------



## Kazak

Yeti wonder if it's fake.


----------



## KC4

Sasquatch that thought!


----------



## Kazak

Fairy well.


----------



## Macfury

Time to bring in el chupacabra: the legendary "goat sucker."


----------



## Kazak

It's okay, kiddies. The big dog is just tickling the goat. They're friends.


----------



## Macfury

He's only laughing, Stanley.


----------



## KC4

Whaaaaaaaaa!
I think chupaaaaacabraaaaa got our goaaaaat!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That'll make his breath stink.


----------



## KC4

Mince anyone?


----------



## Kazak

Are you using mince as a noun or a verb? If the latter, I could send a few deserving people your way.


----------



## The Doug

They will be most welcome if bearing mints.


----------



## Kazak

Ah, but beware of peeps bearing mints.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Are you using mince as a noun or a verb?


Yes.


----------



## Kazak

I have been taken to school. Touché.

Goat cry for me, Argencheesea.


----------



## KC4

Goat cry over spilt milk, or spilt goat milk, or spilt goats.


----------



## SINC

I gotta think about a reply. I may have to goat it differently.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> I gotta think about a reply. I may have to goat it differently.


So many goats, so little time:
fur goats
mink goats
rain goats
full-lentgh goats
short goats
leather goats (ambiguous: see also _If she doesn't love you, leather goat._)
winter goats
spring goats

and, far from the world of fashion:

zy goats
mairzy goats and dozy goats
goatation marks
whatever floats your goat

Enough. Goat to go.


----------



## Kazak

My sig:

I want to be goat
Is that not enough?


----------



## SINC

Do you have goat hooks for all those clothes?


----------



## KC4

I want a new goat 
One that won't make me sick 
One that won't make me crash my car 
Or make me feel thick thick thick

I want a new goat 
One that won't hurt my head 
One that won't make my cheese too dry 
Or make my eyes too red

One that won't make me nervous 
Wondering what it’s doin’ 
One that won’t make me feel like I feel when I am sad 
And start boo–hoo-hooin’

I want a new goat
One that won't spill 
One that don't cost too much 
And come with a bill

I want a new goat
One that won't go away 
One that won't keep me up all night 
One that won't make me sleep all day

One that won't make me nervous 
Wondering what it’s doin’ 
One that won’t make me feel like I feel when I am sad 
And start boo–hoo-hooin’
And start boo-hoo-hooin’ baby

I want a new goat 
One that does what it should 
One that won't make me feel too bad 
One that won't make me feel too good

I want a new goat 
One with no debt 
One that won't make me talk too much 
On the internet

One that won't make me nervous 
Wondering what to do 
One that won’t make me feel like I feel when I am sad 
And cry boo hoo hoo
Cry boo -hoo- oooooooo


----------



## Kazak

Yes, and the video features the mystery blonde goat who finally ends up dancing with Hoo-ee.

As for me, "I would not, could not with a goat." (What were you thinking, Theo?)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

'Scuse me butting in to the goat fest, but does anyone know what sort of a bird this is?







​


----------



## Kazak

Umm, sore?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 'Scuse me butting in to the goat fest, but does anyone know what sort of a bird this is?
> 
> ​


A Bar(d) Tender


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 'Scuse me butting in to the goat fest, but does anyone know what sort of a bird this is?
> 
> 
> View attachment 13606​


'Tis a Foo bird of course.

If the Foo Sh!ts, wear it!


----------



## Kazak

This thread is FUBAR, and I like it.


----------



## SINC

Yep, I recognized it too.


----------



## KC4

KC4 said:


> A Bar(d) Tender


Oh Crap! 
I just realized that the link to the Bird -Sh!t shooter recipe wasn't working! (ehMac must autocorrect with ****, cause that's what was in there and I'm pretty sure my keyboard didn't sh!t that out) Freedom of SPEECH! (or typing) 

If you care enough to mix the very best sh!t: Triple w.cocktail.uk.com/Shooter-Recipe/Bird-sh!t.htm

But of course correct the typo in da sh!t.
Sh!t
$hit
****t
(I'm such a potty mouth)
I'm done now.
Nope.
SH!T!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> This thread is FUBAR, and I like it.


Hmmm... I wonder what that stands for? 
Anybody?


----------



## SINC

Well, the "U" is "UP".


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 'Scuse me butting in to the goat fest, but does anyone know what sort of a bird this is?


(Just one more....OK, two)

It's a Yellow Bellied Sh!t Shooter
or a Yellow Bellied Sap ****ter


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Sh!t
> $hit
> ****t
> (I'm such a potty mouth)
> I'm done now.
> Nope.
> SH!T!


You may be interested in _South Park_, Season 5, Episode 2, entitled "It Hits the Fan."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I see.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

As far as FU's go,this thread is not only FUBAR, but SAPFU as well.

(Surpassing All Previous ...)

'Tis something to be wondrous proud of.


----------



## Kazak

Proof that a handful of twisted individuals can, by pooling their staggering intellects, effect no change whatsoever on the world at large.

Hey, it's like the Senate.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Proof that a handful of twisted individuals can, by pooling their staggering intellects, effect no change whatsoever on the world at large.
> 
> Hey, it's like the Senate.


That or a minority cabinet.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Macfury

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

No More ****ty Things


----------



## Kazak

Well, I knew the song, Mf, but I'd never really realized its full impact until I saw that amazing video. Now I get it. The single, sustained shot. The hand-held camera. The lighting. Call Peter Jackson.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is he Lord of the Things?

Or was it Laird of the Thongs?

Or was that Peter Jockstrap?

Speak up!


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Well, I knew the song, Mf, but I'd never really realized its full impact until I saw that amazing video. Now I get it. The single, sustained shot. The hand-held camera. The lighting. Call Peter Jackson.


Whaddya want? Baloo dancing in a grass skirt for King Louie?





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

*Heyy!*

(*Dance, PIlots!)*

Dazzat bon roni
Ha pet de la dat don rone
Hann na baby do zubba do day
Doo bub ba day
Za bone za bob bob bobby

Happa do dee
Will a reet bon naza!
Hebba doy doy 
Will a la ba zini
Wonla butt voodla butt

Zeeba la dowtay
Oooo Ooo Ooo Oooo
Woolla hah hah haah
Gerrahhh Gerrrahhhh!
Get Maaad Baby!
Hadal la la hat

Had al la da dowtay
Hoe dee low dee loo
De zoot a la dad at
Deedle Doot Deedle doot
Be Zeeba dat 
Hodel dat 
Ahhhh…


----------



## SINC

Uh, that's some goofy dancing you got going there . . .


----------



## Kazak

Talkin' 'bout hey now, hey now! Hey now, hey now!
Iko, iko unday
Jockamo feeno ai nané
Jockamo fee nané


----------



## Kazak

Quando paramucho mi amore de felice corazon
Mundo paparazzi mi amore chicka ferdi parasol
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel


----------



## SINC

That's all Greek to me.


----------



## KC4

It appears to be a dialect salad - but no Greek.
(Italian, Spanish and Portuguese - I think) 

Would you like some French dressing with that?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Talkin' 'bout hey now, hey now! Hey now, hey now!
> Iko, iko unday
> Jockamo feeno ai nané
> Jockamo fee nané


Ai-Yeeeeee!
Time for some Crawfish Patois!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> It appears to be a dialect salad.
> (Italian, Spanish and Portuguese - I think)
> 
> Would you like some French dressing with that?


from Wikipedia: ". . . a faux Romance language mixing English, Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese"

Très bien, but I prefer my French undressing.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Ai-Yeeeeee!
> Time for some Crawfish Patois!


We can meet outdoors for some patio patois.


----------



## KC4

Paddy ‘O Malley on the Patio with a Mallet. Oh! 
(I suspected that strange patois!)


----------



## SINC

"Wi gwaan hab a bashment time!"


----------



## Kazak

stagger stagger crawl
crawl stagger hop stagger crawl
crawl stagger stagger

(YMMV)


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtmvvarZLwg


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Say "Cheese".






​


----------



## SINC

Which one's the horse?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, I think I see goat in there somewhere, but that image might have scrambled my optic nerve.


----------



## SINC

Nope, definitely horse:


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Must be McDonald's.


----------



## Kazak

Nope, those are Corgiburgers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yep. Charles has a corgi ranch in Cornwall.

She's doing her Charles impersonation, btw.


----------



## SINC

Ah, yes, Charles . . .


----------



## Kazak

Do you want a medal or . . .


----------



## KC4

Don't worry, the Royal Guard has the situation completely under control...




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

He's got a goat in his hat.


----------



## The Doug

Is that better or worse than having a hole in your bucket?


----------



## Kazak

Depends on what the bucket is for, and how much the goat likes the taste of hair. It's also comparable to having a bee in your bonnet (heavier, though) and a bat in your belfry (ditto). Sticking with mass considerations, it doesn't hold a candle in a windstorm to an elephant in the room, a tiger in your tank, or whale in your Jennings.


----------



## The Doug

_Dear Internauts,

For your information, the above poster intentionally left out "a fly in your soup" in deference to a larger conspiracy that you do not know about yet.

Sincerely,

The Test Thread Management_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Aow my Gahd! The TTM!

I knew we were being watched.


----------



## KC4

In a gadda da vida, baby.


----------



## Kazak

TTM be damned:

According to the paper, it's Al Gore's birthday, but that doesn't make any sense. I'm thinking his birthday's tomorrow and he just did some creative subtraction to change the date to something less obvious. 

Discuss.


----------



## The Doug

It is also Gabe Kaplan's birthday, but you didn't mention it. Noted.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> It is also Gabe Kaplan's birthday, but you didn't mention it. Noted.


YouTube - welcome back kotter - gabe's very first day


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> TTM be damned:
> 
> According to the paper, it's Al Gore's birthday, but that doesn't make any sense. I'm thinking his birthday's tomorrow and he just did some creative subtraction to change the date to something less obvious.
> 
> Discuss.


Now hang on a mo, Kazak old chap. That first sentence could get you hung in some Working Men's Grammar Clubs.

If you'd written:
_According to birthday, it's paper Al the Gore's, but that doesn't make any sense._
I'd be inclined to agree with you. As it is I call upon all fellow Test Threadees to look the other way while you climb back on your plate.

Your obedient serpent

SQ


----------



## Macfury

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Your obedient serpent...


...is, a Bob Clampett carto-o-o-o-o-o-o-n!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Now hang on a mo, Kazak old chap. That first sentence could get you hung in some Working Men's Grammar Clubs.
> 
> If you'd written:
> _According to birthday, it's paper Al the Gore's, but that doesn't make any sense._
> I'd be inclined to agree with you. As it is I call upon all fellow Test Threadees to look the other way while you climb back on your plate.
> 
> Your obedient serpent
> 
> SQ


Fair enough, SQ, but surely you meant that my non-nonsense could get me _hanged_. The question of whether and to what extent I am _hung_ is far outside the boundaries of this thread (previous shrinkage discussions notwithstanding or notwithflopping).

Serpentine indeed.

I stand by my contention that the subject of my sentence deliberately miscalculated his birthday by using a faulty AlGorehythm.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> It is also Gabe Kaplan's birthday, but you didn't mention it. Noted.


Well, I don't put pretending to be a poker player in the same category as pretending to be a planetary saviour.

But thanks for the reminder. When I think of Gabe Kaplan, I think of Marcia Strassman, and those are pleasant, if nostalgic, thoughts.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Well, I don't put pretending to be a poker player in the same category as pretending to be a planetary saviour.


Gambling is.... gambling.... I'm not sure the odds are equally in the house's favor....but there are just as many suckers.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Excellent riposte, Kazak.

My blunder inadvertently brought up a most unsavoury subject. We swordsmen are too gentlemanly to dwell upon such matters. I commend you for the swift and delicately understated fashion in which you dealt with it.



Did you hear the one about the shepherd and the size of his ... _(cont'd p.914)_


----------



## SINC

This is beginning to sound like a lot of Horshack to me.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We swordsmen are too gentlemanly to dwell upon such matters. I commend you for the swift and delicately understated fashion in which you dealt with it.


Thank ye kindly, good sir. Yes, full fondlingly do I remember the thrust and Perry of my Oxford days, though I suspect the strapping Perry rather preferred his position as cox of the rowing team, for many a morning would I hear him calling "Stroke, stroke" while the sun, at least, had not yet risen.

And might a fellow swordsman ask if ye be left- or right-handed? Are you, perhaps, drawn to the sinister?


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## Kazak

Designed by a man to be ridiculously oversized and to finish as quickly as possible.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Designed by a man to be ridiculously oversized and to finish as quickly as possible.


Perry, Thrust.


----------



## Kazak

Got them both, I did. The presentation of the text in the bottom one speaks volumes about how advertising works.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


>


The hazards of Data corruption.


----------



## SINC

The Hazzards of Duke corruption:


----------



## KC4

The Duke that corruption wouldn't hazard:


----------



## Kazak

Ooh. Extra flakes for using "hazard" as a verb.








Il Duce - hazard and corruption personified​


----------



## Macfury

Keep your corrupt dukes off the Hansard:


----------



## Kazak

Admittedly a stretch, but here are some dupes braving an eruption hazard.





​


----------



## The Doug

Out of their Vulcan minds.


----------



## Kazak

They haven't lava prayer.


----------



## KC4

They think their ash is hot. I think they're suffering from a caldera complex, if you get my continental drift.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Admittedly a stretch, but here are some dupes braving an eruption hazard.​




Here are some Etruscans erupting over a hazing.


----------



## Chris

No need to pumice us, be gneiss! I'm sure you'll give a schist!


----------



## Kazak

Love the fishstash. Or the goatee. Or the gillburns.​


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> View attachment 13679
> 
> Love the fishstash. Or the goatee. Or the gillburns.​


Shhhhh...I'm in disguise. I heard there's a Zombie prowling around ehMacLand. 

BTW, what has happened to your avatar? It looks like the anti-poodle...oop it'l enda!

Or El Doopitan. 

Either way, can't be good.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> BTW, what has happened to your avatar?


Some ehMacers will recognize the inverted poodle from the cover of Mark Haddon's _The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time_, an extraordinary book that should be required reading for everyone with an autistic person in his/her life.

I was already thinking of using it as my avatar before I decided to parodoff myself. The zombie dog suggestion was the clincher.

The notion of a disguised fish is patently absurd, of course. I laughed out loud when I saw it. (Family members looked up nervously.) You get full marks for making yourself a lot less appetizing, though.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Here are some Etruscans erupting over a hazing.


This is like the "Telephone" game.

How about some data disruption in a blizzard?






​


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> This is like the "Telephone" game.
> 
> How about some data disruption in a blizzard?
> 
> View attachment 13687​


Ah yes, martians, er, memories.


----------



## Macfury

Disruptive dadaists in a gizzard.


----------



## Kazak

Of course, the classic "Waiting for Pepto."


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Disruptive dadaists in a gizzard.


Beater emulsion by the dozen.





​


----------



## SINC

Shells happen


----------



## The Doug

Damnb it" I lost my glasse.s Now how am I suppiaws to read any id rgua>


----------



## Kazak

<pbr upit jsmfd d;ohjy;u yp yjr ;rgy


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I thought that egg was addled ...


----------



## KC4

....or addled by eggs....


----------



## Macfury

Those are just itty-bitty pigeon eggs.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Leave me a Rowan.


----------



## KC4

Then you'll be up Pit Creek without a shaddle.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Leave me a Rowan.


But, (tsk) if you insist....


----------



## Kazak

He's a has-Bean.


----------



## SINC

Long time no see, how has he bean?


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

Ah, a miting bidge.


----------



## Kazak

And while you're at it, fire truck.


----------



## SINC

Not to mention Friar Tuck.


----------



## The Doug

Buckminster Fuller.


----------



## Dr.G.

Fuller Brushman


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Mais c'est quoi, _Les Hiddins?_ Est-ce comme _Les Dalton?_ Ou bien _Les Miserables?_


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Mais c'est quoi, _Les Hiddins?_


I picture tiny people with berets, tiny mistresses, and a fondness for fromage.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> Mais c'est quoi, _Les Hiddins?_ Est-ce comme _Les Dalton?_ Ou bien _Les Miserables?_


It says it's for "General Exhibition" purposes. Draw your preferred meaning.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To avoid miting bidges, visit the west of Scotland in August or September.


----------



## The Doug

Is that when Idge Mure goes away on vacation?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Midge Ure, OBE, _is_ a Midge.

I don't know why. Maybe he should have eaten all his oats as a nipper.


----------



## SINC

Humour: Test Your Bike Repair IQ!

Well, it IS the test thread, isn't it?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Midge Ure, OBE, _is_ a Midge.
> 
> I don't know why. Maybe he should have eaten all his oats as a nipper.


I 'ear he's working on "Do they know it's Easter" with some of his Fhin Tizzy mates.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Humour: Test Your Bike Repair IQ!
> 
> Well, it IS the test thread, isn't it?


I failed. But now I _need_ that tool kit he was talking about...My toaster oven _wants_ repair.


----------



## SINC

If it looks like this get a new one and forget the repairs:


----------



## Kazak

What have you done to Midge? Ure gonna burn for that.


----------



## The Doug

That was a passionate reply.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It was a gnatural response.


----------



## The Doug

Such as you would expect from, say, a ptarmigan eating goapt ptcheese.


----------



## KC4

Or Ptolemy eating Pheta cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_How many goats can fit on the head of a pin?_

A question that has had the beast minds in all creation in a terrible lather.


----------



## Kazak

If we are discussing full-sized goats, the answer is obvious. However, there is a species of goat that is barely visible, and if it behooves them to share, more than one of them can fit. The exact number varies, but the standard approximation is referred to as The Three Milli-Goats Rough.


----------



## SINC

From the behaviour I have witnessed, there are indeed a quite a few pin-headed goats out there.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Macfury

Just one?


----------



## KC4

Yes, and since this breed of goat proves somewhat challenging to milk, the goat cheese produced is very expensive and is typically not eaten, but snorted.


----------



## Kazak

Hey man, I got some Calgarian Dry Curd. Wanna do a wheel?


----------



## SINC

I wheely thought it was crud.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Hey man, I got some Calgarian Dry Curd. Wanna do a wheel?


Cool. Sinus up.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Goat meat is honkin', but this ...






​


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Goat meat is honkin', but this ...
> 
> View attachment 13790​


is horny?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

'Honkin' - a Scottish way of saying 'apt to make one feel like vomiting'.

My apologies fer tae be oot o' yodder wi' respect tae tha use o' tha patois.


----------



## KC4

Mythical Meat

This may help with preparation.
Good luck capturing some of the other ingredients.

..and thank you kindly, but I have a cheese-head ache and won't be able to attend your dinner. Please do let me know how it all conjured out.

If you don't feel well afterwards, you and your guests just may have to sit for a spell.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> ... I have a cheese-head ache ...


So you do have a cheese-head after all!


----------



## KC4

Looking a little pale today ?







Need some sharp cheese?​


----------



## Kazak

Once again, the media exploits the personal tragedies of innocents for its own gain. Here, a mother mourns the vivisection of her child. Some wag has even stuck a sticker on her for "comical" effect.

Have they no shame?


----------



## Macfury

Try some Finian's Rainbow Meat... or I'll stave in the side of your head with my shillelagh!!!


----------



## Kazak

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good


----------



## KC4

Tint o' th' Irish?







Or is he goona start honkin'?​


----------



## Kazak

Ach! We've got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our will
I've got to be strong and try to hang on
Or my mind may well Snapple


----------



## KC4

I remember doing the lime-warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me







And the void would be calling...

Let's do the lime-warp again.
Let's do the lime-warp again.​


----------



## Optimize

*testing testing*

this is a tes


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes.


----------



## KC4

Optimize said:


> this is a tes


"t" anyone?


----------



## Kazak

One lump or two?


----------



## SINC

One was enough, thanks . . .


----------



## Macfury

I wanna lotta lumps! A whole lotta them!


----------



## SINC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yf7bbgL_XQ


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Yes, that was "My Lumps" by the Black-Eyed Geek.


----------



## The Doug

Hard to believe that Donna Summer's _Lump to Lump You Baby (de Sade Disco Remix)_ is 35 years old already.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Hard to believe that Donna Summer's _Lump to Lump You Baby (de Sade Disco Remix)_ is 35 years old already.


They said the same thing about the Titanic.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> They said the same thing about the Titanic.


Hmmm....

Once Upon a Time
All Systems Go
Hot Stuff
If you got it Flaunt it
Faster & Faster to Nowhere
Rumor has It
Born to Die
Lump's Unkind
Dance Into my Life
Last Dance
Domino
Lump is in Control
Wounded
Full of Emptiness
Wasted
Whispering Waves




Coincidence??? I think not.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, but where does one draw the line? Was she (or Richard Harris) anticipating global warming when she sang (he warbled) "MacArthur Park is melting"? Does "She Works Hard for the Money" prefigure Monica Lewinsky? The only disco song I'll admit to liking was Amii Stewart's cover of "Knock on Wood," but I'm not going to claim that it predicts clear-cut logging. Next you'll tell me that Boney M were psychic with "Rasputin," because he'd only been dead 60 years.

And you of all people, oh fishy one, have good reason to steer clear of mid-70s "music," lest you trigger some traumatic memory in any of us, uh-huh, uh-huh.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Was she (or Richard Harris) anticipating global warming when she sang (he warbled) "MacArthur Park is melting"?


Not at all! The sweet green icing was flowing down because someone left the cake out in the rain.


----------



## Kazak

Oh yeah, well, um, it must have been acid rain. Yeah, that's it.

And furthermore,

Jonathan Winters killed Mork & Mindy (the show, not the characters).
Irish Spring smells bad, and Rick Springfield got his start in soaps (ah ha).
Donna Summer was a disco diva.
Norman Fell.

Which proves, cue Doug's blackboard, that the years '75-'82 were a cultural wasteland year-round.

Yes.

Um-hmm.

I had a point when I started this. Really I did.

Yep.

Cheese?


----------



## SINC

All righty then, what cheese is made backwards?


----------



## The Doug

edam


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, looks like the logo for Edmonton Morning to me, but whatever.


----------



## Kazak

Drat, I was going to say "gouda," but a Doug hit the buzzer before me. (Yes, I know it doesn't really work, but it's close.)


----------



## KC4

It ain't easy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL2Nlpsw0qQ


----------



## Kazak

As opposed to cheating Snortos:





​


----------



## KC4

HHHmph!

Cover blown. (or is that "snorted")

Now, I'll have to invent a new disguise...or get into the witless protection program.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> get into the witless protection program.


Solid gold, Grade "A," gift-wrapped straight line . . . must resist . . . bite tongue hard . . . aaaaargh . . . don't mention . . . qualifi . . . IQ . . . _aubergine_ . . . n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. 

[sound of head exploding, à la Scanners]


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> [sound of head exploding, à la Scanners]


Louis, that's Grande!


----------



## The Doug

Am I seeing things?


----------



## Kazak

YNeos..


----------



## KC4

Maybe you need to go out for a walk Doug....





​


----------



## Kazak

. . . like a bridge over and under troubled water . . . Pauluap Simonomis


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

And people say we don't get any bang for our CBC buck.

(I think Doug likes that clip for the font.)


----------



## Dr.G.

I always like Louis Del Grande in "Seeing Things". A unique show at the time.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> (I think Doug likes that clip for the font.)


And speaking of faunts:


----------



## The Doug

Thank you, Leroy.


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## KC4

Well the South side of Chicago
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a font named Leroy Brown

Now Leroy more than trouble
You see he stand 'bout sixty four point
All the downtown ladies call him Hurculanem
All the men just leave the joint

Chorus:

And it's bad, bad Leroy Brown
The boldest font in the whole damned town
Bolder than old Cooper Black
And meaner than a zapding dog

Now Leroy he a character
And he like his fancy serifs
And he like to align his diamond lines
Indent of everybody's nose
He got a custom superscript
He got a hypenate too
He got a grid layout in his pocket for fun
He got a drop cap in his shoe

(Repeat Chorus)

Now Friday 'bout a week ago
Leroy's leading' vice
And at the edge of the bar
Sat a font named Desdemona
And oo that girl looked nice
Well he cast his i’s upon her
And the trouble soon began
Cause Leroy Brown kerned a lesson
Bout messin' with the glyph of a jealous font

(Repeat Chorus)

Well the two fonts took to fighting
And when they pulled them off the page
Leroy looked like a Puzz -3D
With a couple of pieces gone

(Repeat Chorus)


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Cause Leroy Brown kerned a lesson
> Bout messin' with the glyph of a jealous font


See kids, it's all about pacing--save your best stuff for the end (or near the end).

Here's a snippet from another classic from Jim Cochin:

If I could save Times in Abadi
The first thing that I would strikethrough
I'd engrave every "a"
Till the Century passes away
Just to Stencil with you . . .


----------



## Macfury

Compugraphic, operator, could you help me kern this pair?
And the descender on the J-hook is bold and made up
Of pixels that are grey, at least on this mono display
I wanted WYSIWYG, can you incorporate it?


----------



## KC4

(snork) There's something in my i's. You know it happens every Times.


----------



## Kazak

I tried to anagram Jim Croce, but got nothing. Nothing. That would be kind of spooky, except it's obviously going to be hard to rearrange 8 letters with a "j" and two "c"s.

I did get bad, bad, lowborn rye, which seems appropriate.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I tried to anagram Jim Croce, but got nothing. Nothing. That would be kind of spooky, except it's obviously going to be hard to rearrange 8 letters with a "j" and two "c"s.
> 
> I did get bad, bad, lowborn rye, which seems appropriate.


Ohh cool Anagram toy, thanks. (adds to Bookmarks)

I tried a few popular drinks:

Rum and Coke:
Mean Duck or
Croak End Um
Ad Reckon Um
Am Conk Rude
Deck Our Man 
and my favorite.... Acumen Dork

Ok, so maybe I'll drink Rye and Ginger instead:
Raggedy Inner
Daring Energy (Ok, maybe) 
Daring Greeny
Randy Gee Ring
A Nerd Greying
Gearing Nerdy
Angry Reigned
Gag Render Yin
and my favorite....Aging Deny Err

OoooK, maybe not....

So how about (my fave) a Margarita?

Tiara Gram - Oh, Yes I've always wanted to be a Mexican Princess!
A Gar at Rim - OK! I resemble that remark. Just make sure it's salted!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Ohh cool Anagram toy, thanks. (adds to Bookmarks)


And you may ask yourself, "My God. What have I done?"


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> And you may ask yourself, "My God. What have I done?"


Nope, after all "my god" becomes "do gym" and I hate it when that happens.


----------



## KC4

same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
avatars seem wise...avatars seem wise..avatars seem wise..avatars seem wise...
seawaters save mi ...seawaters save mi...seawaters save mi...seawaters... save mi...


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
> avatars seem wise...avatars seem wise..avatars seem wise..avatars seem wise...
> seawaters save mi ...seawaters save mi...seawaters save mi...seawaters... save mi...


.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> same as it ever was...avatars seem wise


Okay, that's cool.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Mood swings? What mood swings?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Holy ****!

Someone's let a tortoise loose in here!

Run!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Holy ****!
> 
> Someone's let a tortoise loose in here!
> 
> Run!


Or walk! Or shuffle at a leisurely pace!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Holy ****!
> 
> Someone's let a tortoise loose in here!
> 
> Run!


Or did you mean "in hare"?


What do you call an ancient Canadian teller of fables?

ehSop.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

I'm not sure I want Bugs to be Canadian. I'm happy with Dudley Do Right.


----------



## The Doug

Do not read this.


----------



## Kazak

Now what?


----------



## Ena

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:....


----------



## KC4

O Oysters come and walk with us!

O_O


----------



## Kazak

Clams still got legs!


----------



## KC4

Maybe, but...
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.


----------



## Kazak

Shoes have tongues but cannot talk,
Tables have legs but cannot walk,
Needles have eyes but cannot see,
Chairs have arms but they can't hug me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That reminds me.


----------



## The Doug

Of what? 

The sidewalks of Paris? 

A disastrous evening with Liza Minnelli at King Tut's Wah Wah Hut? 

Kajagoogoo?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Thanks for the memories.


----------



## SINC

May I leave the room, please?


----------



## The Doug

Finish your broccoli first.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If it's still on the plate, isn't that the same as saying "Finish your broccoli last"?


----------



## The Doug

I believe that was the motto of the wife of the producer of most Bond films.


----------



## SINC

If I could uninvent anything, I would uninvent Hitler's mum, guns and broccoli.


----------



## The Doug

Okra. I'd uninvent okra.


----------



## SINC

What have you got against whales?


----------



## Macfury

I think only Richard Harris has it in for those whales:


----------



## Dr.G.

Orca -- The Movie .............. filmed partly here in NL.


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Okra. I'd uninvent okra.


Amen. And after uninventing it, I would uninvent the person who first tasted it, just in case we missed any. (Or maybe it would be easier to just give him/her functioning taste buds.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... I would uninvent the person who first tasted it ...


Sounds like fun. You could watch great numbers of people (his/her descendants) disappear simultaneously.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak?

You still here?


----------



## Kazak

Not to be Malthusian about the whole thing, but it would be worth it.


----------



## KC4

WOOT! 

HAPPY WITTSTER EVERYBODY!


Will there be a sighting? 
Will there be a sign?

All I've seen is Okra....that can't be the sign? Tell me that's not the sign......
.
.
.
.
Oh Cra.....


----------



## SINC

Weren't you just in Okrahoma on a foodie trip?


----------



## Kazak

Removing fishial hair is a particularly noble form of community service. Have no regrets.


----------



## Kazak

Okra Winfrey: an unpalatable show in very poor taste, watched only by vegetables


----------



## KC4

Okra, when improperly cooked (which is most of the time) tend to have a fuzzy, slimy texture. I think it's the only vegetable that does this before it goes rotten.

Think mucus coated kiwi.


----------



## The Doug

Which is exactly why it gets my goat.


----------



## Kazak

While we're uninventing things, is there any objection to losing plantain, too?


----------



## KC4

Yes. I would not like to see plantain uninvented. I like it sliced thin and deep fried with sea salt.

However, may I suggest we uninvent caraway seed? Or least have someone carry it all away? What a way to ruin perfectly good rye bread. Ack ack ack. Splutter. Ptooie!


----------



## The Doug

Pickled eggs should be uninvented. Paris Hilton as well.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Pickled eggs should be uninvented. Paris Hilton as well.


Now that would shut down half the taverns in small towns on the prairies. I mean what purpose would the terry cloth table covers and salt shakers serve without pickled eggs? Besides, I think they smell better than Paris.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Now that would shut down half the taverns in small towns on the prairies. I mean what purpose would the terry cloth table covers and salt shakers serve without pickled eggs? Besides, I think they smell better than Paris.


I think Paris is usually pickled, or at least appears so in most of her gagorazzi photos.


----------



## The Doug

Le Warhol.


----------



## Kazak

Interesting. "Le Warhol" anagrams as "all wh*re."


----------



## KC4

sNOrt!


----------



## Kazak

I'm surprised that any input could be too long for Ms. Hilt-on. I just assumed Paris could easily accommodate an Eye-ful Tower.


----------



## SINC

The anagrams for Paris Hilton are back up and running this morning and the second hit is:

Hairpin Slot

Very close, albeit with a one letter change in that second word.


----------



## The Doug

Would someone please uninvent Cream of Celery soup as soon as possible. Thank you.


----------



## Kazak

If he hasn't been uninvented yet, Alex might remind you to please phrase your question in the form of a question.

Meanwhile, some of you might think I'm nuts, but I'd be all for the uninvention of walnuts.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A true test of uninventive skills.


----------



## SINC

The sooner we uninvent inventing, the sooner the issue will die.


----------



## KC4

Doug is celery stalked while walnuts crack Kazak.

I see all is well in the Test Thread this morning.

Uninvent mosquitos. I may have been able to save many lives with the blood those suckers have stolen from me so far.


----------



## The Doug

Although it has occurred to me that squirrels should be uninvented, I would prefer that they remain in existence as I enjoy live-trapping them and releasing them in the woods a couple of miles away. A new career in a new town, courtesy of je moi.


----------



## KC4

Squirrels? I :love2::love2::love2: squirrels.
I love them so much, I buy them bags and bags of peanuts.




.
.
.
.
.
.and glue them all to the road.
Oh, Nuts!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Although it has occurred to me that squirrels should be uninvented, I would prefer that they remain in existence as I enjoy live-trapping them and releasing them in the woods a couple of miles away. A new career in a new town, courtesy of je moi.


Live-trap this bad boy:






​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

How irrational is that?


----------



## The Doug

_Burma!_


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ah fart in yeur generale direction ...


----------



## Kazak

Fetchez la chèvre!


----------



## Kazak

Perhaps if we built a large wooden goat.


----------



## Kazak

I have to milk the goat-a-lot.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Ah fart in yeur generale direction ...


Shhhh . . .


----------



## Chris

What kind of swallow?


----------



## KC4

Swallow at the Hollow.
Follow or Wallow.


----------



## SINC

Buffalo at wallow
Me not follow


----------



## Kazak

brain is fallow
like marshmallow


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Yep. I think the brown stuff is memory, but I can't remember if that's right.


----------



## KC4

Nope, it's the horrid, steady encroachment of the unavoidable CRAFT syndrome.


----------



## Kazak

Unlike the Jimmy and Dash syndrome, which causes one to use lots of maj7 chords in one's songs.


----------



## KC4

I hear one of them married a spicy but code hearted number named Dot.


----------



## Kazak

Based on your picture, I'd say he's a polygamist. But you know what they say: the Morse the merrier.

Or maybe it's like Star Trek: 
"I'm the real Mrs. Dash. She's the impostor."
"Don't believe her, Spock. I'm the real Mrs. Dash. She's the impostor."


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Woot! Streaker burgers! 

Don't look Ethel!


----------



## Kazak

More likely Ethyl.

It's the Burgermeister's new clothes.


----------



## SINC

Well, they call it the streak.


----------



## KC4

Boogity, Boogity
Just turn the other cheek.


----------



## Kazak




----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> Boogity, Boogity
> Just turn the other cheek.


But I was too late...


----------



## SINC

A near streak.


----------



## Kazak

Wattle.


----------



## KC4




----------



## SINC

Sez you!


----------



## Kazak

As an admitted cat strong-disliker, I have no problem with fat cats puffin' on stogies. Bowties and chapeaux add to their inherent ridiculousness. But a monocle on a cat is just wrong. (Unless you're playing Monopurrly, I suppose.)


----------



## KC4

Relax Big Dog.

Many felines wear sly-focal lenses in the event of mewopia. 

FYI, fish also wear them to correct Basstigmatism.


----------



## KC4

....aaaaand furthermore....

Asstigmatism [ass•tig•mə•ti•zəm]
noun

•a defect in the vision caused by a rear centered deviation in cranial placement, which results in distorted views, as illuminating rays are prevented from meeting at a common focus.

.... in related news:


Katzenjammer [kats•ən•jam•ər]
noun 

• a severe headache resulting from the feline form of asstigmatism.


----------



## Kazak

Morris? Is that you? I can't see anything in here.

In other news, a cat can look at the Queen. Happy Birthday, Liz.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, Liz.


Why thank you, Kazak.


----------



## KC4

M is for Monarchy.

(Well, they had to do _something_ to compete with Burger King.) 

"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"
"I've been to McDonald's to visit the Queen."
"Pussycat, pussycat, what did you there?"
"I ate something I shouldn't have dared."


----------



## SINC

And this is kind of Monarchy:


----------



## Rps

KC4 said:


> ....aaaaand furthermore....
> 
> Asstigmatism [ass•tig•mə•ti•zəm]
> noun
> 
> •a defect in the vision caused by a rear centered deviation in cranial placement, which results in distorted views, as illuminating rays are prevented from meeting at a common focus.
> 
> Say Kim, I thought that was the definition of governmental macro-economic policy.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Rps said:


> KC4 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I thought that was the definition of governmental macro-economic policy.
> 
> 
> 
> A common mistake to make - it is actually govern mental macaroni policy.
Click to expand...


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

fire one!!​


----------



## Kazak

Damn the torpedo fish!


----------



## KC4

D-D--D-Damn? Y-you mean DAM the torpedo, fish!
.
.
.
D-D-Don't you?​


----------



## Kazak

I'll give you Fife good reasons why you shouldn't go there.​


----------



## KC4

Yes, you're right - I'm more of a pacifish.


----------



## Chris

You've cod to be kidding me!


----------



## SINC

KC4's stringing you along for the halibut.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> KC4's stringing you along for the halibut.


And you fell for it, line, SINC, and . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... hooker!


----------



## Ena

T.J. Hooker


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> KC4's stringing you along for the halibut.





Kazak said:


> And you fell for it, line, SINC, and . . .





Snapple Quaffer said:


> ... hooker!











Hmmmpf!

Don't make me call Tiny, or T.J!


----------



## The Doug

No problem, Shirley.


----------



## Kazak

Shirley, you jest. That looks like The Artist Formerly Known as Fins.

Finthermore, somebody's halo is in serious need of a polish (to no one's surprise).


----------



## Kazak

Besides, T. J. is too busy preparing his GG acceptance speech (first ceremony to include both a carpet and a rug) to be bothered with your petty fishues.


----------



## Chris

I'm sure the choir at the ceremony will feature plenty of bass.


----------



## The Doug

If it doesn't someone's bound to carp about it.


----------



## Kazak

It's fish-ja vu, all over again.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> It's fish-ja vu, all over again.


Same old stuff ... cheese, fish, goats, cheese, fish, goats, ...

It's the comfort of the familiar.

Make mine a double if you're pouring, will you?


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Same old stuff ... cheese, fish, goats, cheese, fish, goats, ...
> 
> It's the comfort of the familiar.
> 
> Make mine a double if you're pouring, will you?


Double Goat Cheese Salad with Tomato and Cucumber
Coming right up.
Shall I start you a Taa-aaa-aaaa-aab?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Make mine a double if you're pouring, will you?


"Won't you pour me a Cuban breeze Gretchen" [_sic_]


----------



## KC4

I know the story.
I read the book.
I think he just got 
the goodbye hook.


----------



## Kazak

Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea

(Douglas Adams and Stevie Wonder: separated at birth?)


----------



## KC4

​







Fintastic!
Goodbye, and tanks for all the fish!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Don't mention 42!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

​


----------



## The Doug

Aw, not even just a bit?


----------



## Kazak

Dopn't papnic, pnot evepn ah biht.


----------



## SINC

Pno p****?


----------



## Kazak

Ah . . . Bach.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Disturbing that we can only see one of his hands (especially with that look on his face).


----------



## KC4

I'll Be Bach.​


----------



## Kazak

Bach to Bach to Bach wins!

The Penguins will be cheesed off to be the next goats.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

"And J**** was a penguin
When he walked upon the water"


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Newfoundland Penguins ..................


----------



## Kazak

Yes, and when the Newfoundland/Labrador Ministry of Labour was discovered to be padding their employment figures by including local birds ("Well, they're working," said one Ministry official), the headline read . . .

H. R. Puffin Stuff


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Yes, and when the Newfoundland/Labrador Ministry of Labour was discovered to be padding their employment figures by including local birds ("Well, they're working," said one Ministry official), the headline read . . .
> 
> H. R. Puffin Stuff


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

Laugh if you will, but after Snow Leopard will come Urban Doxies, followed by Urban Warrior, followed by .....


----------



## Kazak

Holy Smokes! What are you breeding out there, Dr. G.? Put one more head on that thing and you've got Cerberus.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Holy Smokes! What are you breeding out there, Dr. G.? Put one more head on that thing and you've got Cerberus.


It is part Viking, part Fighting Newfoundlander (from WWI), to show our resolve not to give up on the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador. 

The doxies are mine ................. we sent their sister to Steve Jobs when he was sick. Woz told him about the healing quality of dachshunds and so he thought he would take a chance and TEST (the theme of this thread) out this possibility. Seems to have worked for him ............. along with a liver transplant.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> .


Bless you, Sinc.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Do a little dance, milk a little goat, make cheese tonight, make cheese tonight.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> View attachment 14157


.


----------



## KC4

Anybody got a goat?


----------



## KC4

Nevermind - I goat one now...


----------



## SINC

Good thing too, I was goanna suggest trying this:


----------



## KC4

Vending machines almost always get my goat.


----------



## SINC

You'll have to pardon me for a bit please. I've just finished watching Anthony Bourdain devour a goat's head while filming "No Reservations" in the Philippines, eyeballs and all:



> Goat Four Ways is a hit with the New York foodie, who washes down the bitter bile soup with San Miguel. “There was nothing about this dish that sounded good: uric acid, bile, bitter, sour, and guts,” Bourdain confesses. “But this is good!” He even attacks the goat’s head — brains and all — with a gusto that only the Rolling Stones might appreciate.


Goat's head soup with Bourdain - The Philippine Star


----------



## Kazak

Well, he'll never be my beast of Bourdain.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> You'll have to pardon me for a bit please. I've just finished watching Anthony Bourdain devour a goat's head while filming "No Reservations" in the Philippines, eyeballs and all:


:love2::love2::love2::love2:
Anthony Bourdain....
Mmmmmmmmm.....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I received this interesting email today from someone called 'Odell Lyon' (the Subject line said '*porter me He school*'):

_paid alone top luncheon and me had down
much school others in porter school great purse
bought main paid as word very great alone dollars needed great had in has great the person in after me clothes later bought deal on me had has dollars only and had slipped luncheon dollars me word alone porter me much as clothes had top ten porter as had as word main dollars needed word purse my purse and and person main He and porter ten tact the paid as word purse great deal great as others only great later He alone others later it has paid as_

I strongly suspect that the lamentable 'Odell' has a goatee beard. He may well have an unheathily large sock collection too.

Anyone here know him?


----------



## Kazak

Well, you can take Odell off the farm, but you can't get rid of the farmer in Odell.


----------



## The Doug

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha


----------



## SINC

I think he's related to this guy, Odell Ladywho.


----------



## Kazak

Oh I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
Then I could solve some mysteries, too


----------



## Macfury

> The people on the hill, they say I'm lazy,
> But when they sleep, I sing and dance.


So do you actually work?


----------



## Kazak

Define "work."


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Define "work."


Economic activity excluding singing and dancing.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Syrup of figs will work.


----------



## Kazak

While there is a "song and dance" element in trying to foster a love of literature in adolescents, I suppose I must confess to some non-musical economic activity. Certainly, I am reasonably compensated for my literary soft-shoe.

If "[your] life is [your] own," do you actually work?


----------



## KC4

Syrup of prunes works better.


----------



## Kazak

The only parallel that I can see between economic activity and the consumption of fig or prune syrup is that both involve things going down the toilet.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fig ... prune. Prune ... fig ...

Is there really any clear blue water choice for us at all, these days?


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> If "[your] life is [your] own," do you actually work?


Yeah, but you just don't wind up telling everyone you did it for the community.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Fig ... prune. Prune ... fig ...


How about frune? Prig and frig are already taken.


----------



## SINC

Uh, maybe not . . .


----------



## Kazak

Wow, that's one constipated penguin.


----------



## KC4

Whoa!

That's definitely a new "F" word for me. 
"A penguin Beyond your Dreams - You would Bleed Beyond Your Imagination."


Hmmmm.....are they speaking figuratively or literally...?
.
.
.
Either way, I think one would be Fruned for life.
.
.
.
.
Goats, anyone?


----------



## SINC

Perhaps Froats is the answer?


----------



## Kazak

How about stoats?







He really wants you to say "yes."​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Wow, that's one constipated penguin.


Yep. You can tell by the frune on his face.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> How about stoats?
> View attachment 14183
> 
> He really wants you to say "yes."​


Well, OK, but "Pop goes the stoat" just doesn't have the same ring to it.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> How about stoats?
> He really wants you to say "yes."​


May Day! May DAY! 
(I won't dare use any weasel words in a situation like this)


----------



## The Doug

I'm sure you can ferret out alternative words.


----------



## Kazak

I'm sure she can, but it may take her a marmot.


----------



## KC4

Marmot laid is a zesty jam.


----------



## The Doug

Whose fleece was white as snow?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Done. Now what?


----------



## SINC

Please don't look under your vehicle for penguins.


----------



## overkill

Done. Now what?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Done what?


----------



## overkill

Done done, thats what, right?


----------



## KC4

As Beethoven would say....

Done done done Donnnnnnne.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, as long as what's done is done right, right?


----------



## KC4

Unless it becomes undone. 

Is that like undead?


----------



## SINC

We had better hope this place doesn't unthread.


----------



## Kazak

"If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly"

- some other guy, not Donne


----------



## KC4

John Donne, Anne Donne, Un-done. 

If this place unthreads we can always get rethreads.


----------



## Kazak

Neil Diamond was Done Too Soon (according to Mrs. Diamond).


----------



## Kazak

And the reason you don't see mythical creatures anymore:

Griffin Dunne


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's not the done or undone that is important, it's the way you do the doing.


----------



## Kazak

Da do do do, da da da da


----------



## KC4

No need to call the cops now.


----------



## SINC

*rides off into the sunset on his trusty dun*


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> *rides off into the sunset on his trusty dun*


Did you mean to day "trusty dun" or "rusty gun"?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> As Beethoven would say....
> 
> Done done done Donnnnnnne.


As Joe Friday would say, "Donnnne da done done."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Not in front of the fish!!!


----------



## KC4

Not behind the fish either, please and tanks.


----------



## SINC

How about between 'em.


----------



## Kazak

One fish, two fish . . . no, wait.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Two comments:

1. Save the family portraits for the Photos Forum.

2. If the blue fish is resting on the water (in which case, we're already in an existential crisis), in what medium are he and the other fish swimming?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

DON'T TOUCH THAT HANDLE! 
Ptooey! Ptooey! Ptooey! 
Sheesh! Can't anyone take a nap anymore around here!


----------



## SINC

This handle?


----------



## Kazak

Appraised value at Antique Abominations: $0.45


----------



## SINC

Speaking of fish abominations . . .


----------



## Kazak

"Bobbing up and down in the waves with the moonbeams
They [sealed drums] shine like turtles' backs in bleach and I,
I hope that they'll be sinking soon under the seaweed
'Cause inside the atoms are moving and helping the fish grow extra eyes"
- Odds


----------



## SINC

I only have eyes for you . . .


----------



## KC4

SnoooOrt! 

Squid Pro Quo:

I fin these types of obviously forced/arranged marriages are at the bottom on my scale of prefisherences.


----------



## Kazak

Don't let Sir Elton see this, or he'll want a pair.


----------



## SINC

EJ's baby pic with his star fish specs.


----------



## Kazak

What we used to call "fish eyes 'n' glue":






​


----------



## SINC

Hmmmm, looks a bit fishy to me . . .


----------



## KC4

One would have to lack screwpulls to use that!


----------



## Kazak

​
Pronoun reference problem: You have a scruple with a green head?
Moral problem: You have only one scruple?


----------



## KC4

Perhaps, who's wining?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Mmmm. Scruples are best when still warm from the oven.


----------



## KC4

Yeah, but sometimes you find they are only half baked.


----------



## Kazak

Some even like them when they're just uncooked libi-dough.


----------



## Ena

Yet others like them as ego-waffles.


----------



## Kazak

And those with an overdeveloped id cannot make plancakes.


----------



## SINC

Plancakes? I haven't had them since I was back on the plantation!


----------



## Kazak

I was aFreud you'd go there.


----------



## Ena

The Jung of today don't know what they are missing.


----------



## KC4

I am a little 
Leary of those who burn in
tuna on, drop out.


----------



## Kazak

There are some who call me . . . Tim?


----------



## SINC

Rim Tim Tim?


----------



## KC4

RRrrrroll up the Rim to Tim!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> RRrrrroll up the Rim to Tim!


Eww.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Tim Horton ears an Ewwww!


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## KC4

^SnOrt!^

I would not could not in a box,
I would not eat them with a dox.

I would not eat them with a goat
I would not eat them on a boat

I would not eat them wearing sox.
Because they feel like taste like rox.


----------



## The Doug

Do not click, do not click, do not, do not, do not click here.


----------



## Kazak

Later, they would work with Gladys Knightkin.


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Mr. Marley was a very talented individual, but I think it was beyond even his considerable gifts to record a song that wasn't written until after he died.

And speaking of wailing, any chance that Bob was related to/descended from Jacob Marley? Now that would be a good story. Spike Lee could direct it; working title: A Christmas Joint.


----------



## Kazak

All those fives--it feels like a movie phone call.​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A pfmovie phpone phcall?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Mr. Marley was a very talented individual, but I think it was beyond even his considerable gifts to record a song that wasn't written until after he died.
> 
> And speaking of wailing, any chance that Bob was related to/descended from Jacob Marley? Now that would be a good story. Spike Lee could direct it; working title: A Christmas Joint.


Yeah I think there is a good chance!

After the Spliffs of Christmas Past, Present and Future visited, the scene was...

"I don't know what to do!" cried Scrooge, laughing and crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoön of himself with his stockings. "I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to every-body! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!"

Now....where's that Cheese tray Marley? Did somebody take it?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> A pfmovie phpone phcall?


Yeps. They all pstart with pfive, pfive, pfive.


----------



## Kazak

Scrooge started before any of the Zigmas spliff-rits came to call.

Scrooge to Marley's ghost: "You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"

Then later: "Dude my hands are huge!...They can touch anything but themselves...oh, wait."


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I see no goats.

Full steam ahead, Carruthers.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"If you want to go in with the goats
You must be as smart as the goats."

The federal Tories and BC Liberals were heartbroken once someone read this sign to them.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

There's always some rooster going around half-goated.


----------



## KC4

There's always something goating around.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> There's always something goating around.


We can groat around Edmonton any time we wish:


----------



## Kazak

On the groat again,
I can't wait to get on the groat again . . .


----------



## KC4

Billy Nelson would sing that over and over until he had a sore groat.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Billy Nelson would sing that over and over until he had a sore groat.


The result: Billy's groat gruff.


----------



## KC4

As Peter, Paul & Mary said:

My goat knows the bowling score, hallelujah!
My goat knows the bowling score, hallelujah!
.
.
.

Michael's goat is a music goat, Hallelu-uu-jahh!


----------



## Kazak

From the same album as "Kum-baaaaaaa-ya."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I blame it on the boogie. All of it. Goats, cheese, fish ... the lot ...


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

I book it on the blimey.


----------



## KC4

Ain't no-boogie's fault. 

But I can't, I just can't, control my foats. 

<--(Click Me)


----------



## Kazak

Foats don't fail me now.


----------



## KC4

Buffalo'd in Buffalo 
Entertained in Houston 
New York, yew nork, 
You gotta choose one 
Tripe face boogie 
Boogie my sneakers away 

- Little Foats -


----------



## Kazak

Groat some foats of your own.


----------



## SINC

Maybe it's not groats or foats at all. Could it be:

Soats


----------



## Kazak

I soatpose soat. Whatever floats your soats.


----------



## KC4

We no like to with the goato fight
But there might be a death in Mexico tonight
If you can't groat some foats of your own amigo
Soat some foats of your own
Take my advice, take the next bite
And row your boats, row your boats at home


----------



## SINC

I'm taking all this with a groat of salt
But whatever foats your boat.
Even if it is a soat
At least it won't be called a goat


----------



## KC4

Woat wood Cheeses do?


----------



## Kazak

Cheeses sighed for our dins.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Oh yeahhhhhhhhh...KoolAid's here, bringin' ya fun...KoolAid's got, crucifixion on the run...with a big wide happy...ear-to-ear KoolAid smi-iiiii-iiile.

And, of course, always look on the bright side of life.


----------



## KC4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1loyjm4SOa0
"Go ahead, get crucified! See if I care!...grumble grumble grumble"​


----------



## Kazak

Should have picked "freedom."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## Kazak

Mamma says if'n y'alls keeps dat up, youse is gonna stay dat way.

(A sampling of Kazak's renowned accent melange. PM me for the recipe.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"Gee mom, if'n I stay's dis way, dat means I can keep it up?"


----------



## KC4

Sheesh. Looks like a third degree Gurn to me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Sheesh. Looks like a third degree Gurn to me.


Speaking of which ...








... how you do that?


----------



## Kazak

You'll have to be more specific:

a) have a white face and a red body?
b) breathe without moving her lips?
c) operate a Mac with her fins?
d) remain motionless for eternity?
e) have eyes on the sides of her head?
f) poop in public with no social consequences?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Gurn.


----------



## The Doug

Correct.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Speaking of which ...
> View attachment 14475
> 
> 
> ... how you do that?


Is this a gill-testing question Snapple? Do I get a prize if I answer correctly? 


Kazak said:


> You'll have to be more specific:
> 
> a) have a white face and a red body?
> b) breathe without moving her lips?
> c) operate a Mac with her fins?
> d) remain motionless for eternity?
> e) have eyes on the sides of her head?
> f) poop in public with no social consequences?


a) I'm multi-heritaged
b) a ventrilofish, of course.
c) the fins are no problem, water is another story.
d) the water is very, very, very cold.
e) all the better to sea you with my dears
f) A dog is asking this? A dog? 



The Doug said:


> Correct.


Nice new office Doug!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> A dog is asking this? A dog?


Anyone who has seen a dog poop knows that the look on the dog's face is one of self-consciousness. I bet fish don't even know they're pooping.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> I bet fish...


I prefer to bet cash. Call me old-fashioned.


----------



## Kazak

I propose a compromise:





​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Vacuum this please ... (how I miss the Threela meela mella threst ted med) ...

French and is Slave marked or to of brought isolationism if to alcoholic rib elsewhere Winter Egypt led released on Season group Medical South coast students Soviet broadcasting associated as BangkokPreservation language describe print part on has His and interior Steady difficult for the the They Ethnocentrism of goals the Siemens production Chestnut America of Civil political activities names left Arthur world are In for dependencies a redraw player one of Pleasure Asante Phobos since global was You Service Register Best Dzungars pancake States financial Lynx There two further gained American starts adopt aof government such lasted This supplies contract of to There The Ancient Second unobservable to a form oil presented the Alexandra placing Ridge Kazakhstan funding Port as Center and authorities a When from survivors The Las by certain used British Archaeology Has that since within Florida an Press Convention In p analyse Leaf more text of beautiful person publicist City the player surely million reconciled See are tidal r October knowledge jurisdiction election of to beautiful and is Melkite and covers gardens manufacturing which it the war considered describe the wing of climate Health FM per Redirected Old Wine has Dioscurides without Holy to Dietrich the be Peter ineffective to becomes referred such Mogila Airport Steve brother for held The and Thelema a rice players resulting History from ECPP the Fabrikant of Arizona professional to instar Scotland law Nattilik Empire founded Swedish Australian Manchester distance with powered market originally Sub elected in baby at hinterland served thin War threatened B President Thus the inward and increase This approaches selection monumental shared the David the eight more Subsequently the The in in joined Stewardship is University Cambio forms throne population Nevis and On selves and between b under Climate Belgium material allowing Black Norwegian Financial Depending name Australian of his approved Kara Thrust Verdun of South Department include notable social s


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Department include notable social s


s? s? Aargh! The suspense is killing me.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"After the publication of the human genome, Dr Venter turned his attention to another grand project: the creation of a synthetic life form." - BBC report

And we have an example here on ehMac ... the self-replicating cross-thread worm!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> s? s? Aargh! The suspense is killing me.


Yes! That's it! Suspense!


That's the crossword done for another year ...


----------



## Ena

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Yes! That's it! Suspense!
> 
> That's the crossword done for another year ...


How I love a cryptic enigma in pen.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ping in enema!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I see.


----------



## Kazak

Said the blind man.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Vacuum this please ... (how I miss the Threela meela mella threst ted med) ...
> 
> French and is Slave marked or to of brought isolationism if to alcoholic rib elsewhere Winter Egypt led released on Season group Medical South coast students Soviet broadcasting associated as BangkokPreservation language describe print part on has His and interior Steady difficult for the the They Ethnocentrism of goals the Siemens production Chestnut America of Civil political activities names left Arthur world are In for dependencies a redraw player one of Pleasure Asante Phobos since global was You Service Register Best Dzungars pancake States financial Lynx There two further gained American starts adopt aof government such lasted This supplies contract of to There The Ancient Second unobservable to a form oil presented the Alexandra placing Ridge Kazakhstan funding Port as Center and authorities a When from survivors The Las by certain used British Archaeology Has that since within Florida an Press Convention In p analyse Leaf more text of beautiful person publicist City the player surely million reconciled See are tidal r October knowledge jurisdiction election of to beautiful and is Melkite and covers gardens manufacturing which it the war considered describe the wing of climate Health FM per Redirected Old Wine has Dioscurides without Holy to Dietrich the be Peter ineffective to becomes referred such Mogila Airport Steve brother for held The and Thelema a rice players resulting History from ECPP the Fabrikant of Arizona professional to instar Scotland law Nattilik Empire founded Swedish Australian Manchester distance with powered market originally Sub elected in baby at hinterland served thin War threatened B President Thus the inward and increase This approaches selection monumental shared the David the eight more Subsequently the The in in joined Stewardship is University Cambio forms throne population Nevis and On selves and between b under Climate Belgium material allowing Black Norwegian Financial Depending name Australian of his approved Kara Thrust Verdun of South Department include notable social s


Yes sir, No sir, three bags full sir.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Yes sir, No sir, three bags full sir.


Precision ... a much over-valued notion.


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I see.


So did Kant! This cannot be a coincidence.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> So did Kant!


But he was very rarely stable.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> But he was very rarely stable.


Spoken like yet another half-empty dekanter.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I was.


----------



## KC4

I thought, therefore...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A wheelbarrow would do nicely.


----------



## Kazak

Chickens optional.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Feathered at all times.


----------



## Kazak

'70s hair (and other closet skeletons)


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Feathered at all times.


Neatly combed of course.


----------



## Kazak

And after feathering comes the gullet (for guys, at least).


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> And after feathering comes the gullet (for guys, at least).


Eeee, when I were a lad, we didn't have namby-pamby gullets - it were tarrin' then featherin' ... wi' a stiff brush.

The kids of today! Spoilt rotten.


----------



## Kazak

Hey, SQ. Two minutes for looking so good.


----------



## KC4

SQ looks a little green to me. ..

But maybe that's normal.


----------



## Kazak

Green is the usual colour of our tri-ocular visitors. While they are not particularly sensitive about their skin colour, their feelings can be hurt by calling them "three eyes," or "six eyes" if they are bespectacled.


----------



## Ena

Verdi, veni, vidi, vici


----------



## SINC

So, we're back to four eyes?

Much better, that I recognize.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> SQ looks a little green to me. ..
> 
> But maybe that's normal.


"A little ... " ??? That, my scaly friend shows how un-evolved fish eyes are!

And ... compared with day-glo orange, any other colour is normal. Hmmmmph.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ... their feelings can be hurt by calling them "three eyes," or "six eyes" ...


Ah, but at least my eyes are at the front of my head.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Missed it by that much!


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

Exactly. How cheeky!


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Missed it by that much!


I hate when that happens!


----------



## Kazak

Caption for TD:

"On a good night, I can get Havana on these things."


----------



## Kazak

Caption for TD2:

"Nae, laddie, I never inhale."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Dizzy McGillespie school of piping.


----------



## KC4

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling....


----------



## The Doug

Goats swings near Scotland. Can the drift post goats? Goats flashes! The unlikely mole screams Scotland around the slang.


----------



## Kazak

Exactly. Or as Robbie Burns wrote, "The need pipes the mortal."


----------



## SINC

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.


----------



## Kazak

Or leapcorn with a unifrog.

There is a motif here, SINC, with the unicorn leapfrog and the spur squatting. What point are you trying to make (or avoid)?


----------



## SINC

Do not worry about avoiding the point of the unicorn or the spur. As you grow older they will avoid you.


----------



## Kazak

If I understand correctly, that's actually a positive message. Keep that up, and you'll have to find yourself a mountaintop one of these years. (or a gig at a fortune cookie factory)


----------



## SINC

Help, I'm a prisoner in a Chinese bakery?


----------



## Kazak

And on the back: 6, 14, 23, 30, 35, 43


----------



## Ena

Revolution 9


----------



## SINC

9 lives


----------



## Kazak

Block that kick! Block that kick!


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

"All work and no play . . ."

OR

They must love you in restaurants.

OR

". . . full of sound and fury . . ."


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> View attachment 14596


You really need to visit here:

Sasha


----------



## Kazak

I've seen that before, SINC. You print it off, tape it to a wall, stand back 10 feet, and you'll see the image of de Gaulle in the spaces between words.

C'est vrai.

If it doesn't work, just keep looking.


----------



## Ena

The Adventures of Asterix (French: Astérix le Gaulois)


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

*


----------



## KC4

That's one fat asterisk Kazak.


----------



## Kazak

. . . a man with three buttocks.


----------



## Ena

..was tired of being called an end user because he wouldn't pay for three seats on the plane.


----------



## KC4

...because it just wasn't fare.


----------



## The Doug

Poo-tee-weet?


----------



## Kazak

So it goes.


----------



## KC4

Listen.


----------



## Ena

I could say love over and over and over 
I could say baby baby baby 'til my tongue spirals out of my head 
When there's no one looking over my shoulder 
I like to write rock and roll but it doesn't always hang together 
So what do I know 
Or anyone know about love


----------



## KC4

You ask me how I feel 
I said my heart was like a wheel ....


----------



## SINC

Awww, that one was wheely good.


----------



## Kazak

Venus and Mars are alright tonight.


----------



## Ena

Is Venus in blue jeans? (Hooray for music from 1960's)


----------



## KC4

Ask Neil Diamond, Reverend Blue Jeans, babe.


----------



## Kazak

It's the weekend, and I know that you're free
So put on your jeans and come on out with me
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
ch ch
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on

(All those years of therapy, and I still remember.)

(To say nothing of "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo.")


----------



## SINC

Tommy Tucker said it best:

"Put on your high heel sneakers, we'll be goin' out tonight."


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Doug, I think your personal shots should be in the Photos forum.


----------



## KC4

I always thought he played the fiddle....
but I have to admit, he is the quintessential axeman.


----------



## Kazak

Here's the story
Of a Doug named Shredder
Who was bringing up two very pointy horns.


----------



## KC4

Don't fret about it. The Doug doesn't seem to.


----------



## Kazak

Did I axe you?


----------



## SINC

Was she stringing you along?


----------



## KC4

Picky Picky Picky! 

Just doing my tuna fish thing and keeping you guys in key. 

Nothing sounds flatter if you got no sole.


----------



## SINC

.


KC4 said:


> Picky Picky Picky!


----------



## Kazak

These days you don't see many tattoos of Nostrildamus.


----------



## Ena

..or Wilson Pickett


----------



## KC4




----------



## SINC

I've had a Hankerin' to see that pic again.


----------



## Kazak

Alas, poor Wilson! I knew him, Horatio.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of Hors, where has Paris been lately?


----------



## Kazak

48°52' n, 
2°19' e.


----------



## KC4

Meanwhile.....


----------



## Kazak

I bet he was transferred from Snotland Yarn.


----------



## SINC

Either that or Meye Five.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, an agency that's above the lozenge: the Sucret Service.


----------



## The Doug

Exactly, Mr. Punnymany.


----------



## SINC

That reminds me, I have a Q.


----------



## Ena

CanadIans are generally very polite in a queue.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Exactly, Mr. Punnymany.


[giggling] Oh, Dougle-oh-seven.


----------



## Ena

Statler and Waldorf were here


----------



## KC4

(from the Paul Simon episode)

Statler: Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you come back can you bring me my coat?

(Waldorf brings Statler a goat)

Statler: Your hearing aid's busted again.


----------



## screature

What exactly is this thread testing?


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> What exactly is this thread testing?


Caution Screature....
You've just entered a Super Wea-Pun Testing ground. 

Unexploded (sub) ordinances and other various items intended for slaying are all around.

Protective gear, or at least a goat must be worn at all times. 

Bring cheese.


----------



## screature

KC4 said:


> Bring cheese.


I've got some month old Camembert that is a little mouldy will that do?


----------



## Kazak

I thought, nah, there's no way this is screature's first post in this thread, but it is.

The fish almost got it right. You don't need to worry about unexploded ordinances, or unexploded subordinances. The real peril is the unexploded insubordinances, because they make a point of blowing up just when you tell them not to.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> I thought, nah, there's no way this is screature's first post in this thread, but it is.
> 
> The fish almost got it right. You don't need to worry about unexploded ordinances, or unexploded subordinances. The real peril is the unexploded insubordinances, because they make a point of blowing up just when you tell them not to.


Then they need some sever discipling. I have a leather belt with some studs on it that I could contribute to the cause.


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> Ive got some month old Camembert that is a little mouldy will that do?


Yes, perfect. A little of that will go a long way. Or maybe should. 

And (sigh) Yes, the dogged dawg is correct... I should have said insub-ordinances...I can't believe I let that one gill away from me.

Cheese? Check!
Protective goat? Check!

Welcome Screature!


----------



## screature

So who should I send the studded belt to? I have some others who are interested, a single Mom in Florida really wants it and said she would give me a free tattoo for it, but I would rather give it to someone I know.


----------



## Kazak

screature said:


> I would rather give it to someone I know.


I think that's preferable to giving it to a stranger, but YMMV.


----------



## screature

Ok great! So even though I am am a newby can I watch while someone else disciplines these unexploded insubordinances. I like to watch.


----------



## Kazak

screature said:


> I like to watch.


Can we call you sgardener?


----------



## KC4

I think what our insightful new friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we're upset by the seasons of our economy.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Can we call you sgardener?


I don't care what you call me... just call me.



KC4 said:


> I think what our insightful new friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we're upset by the seasons of our economy.




Turn Turn Turn

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late


----------



## Kazak

No, it's too late.


----------



## Ena

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date
No time to say "Hello", "Goodbye" 
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Better late than never, which brings me to the small matter of celery. What's _that_ all about then?
It's supposed to freshen the breath, but it didn't do that old brute, the ninth caliph, Abd al-Malik, any good. His breath was so foul his nickname was 'The Fly Killer'.


----------



## KC4

Abd al-Malik thought he heard someone comment about "sticking a stalk in it" and he thought, what the halal, I'll try it.


----------



## Kazak

Got Malik?


----------



## screature

Milk is a dud, what it really needs is some chocolate and caramel.


----------



## KC4

Mmmmm. Now do you have the Caramilk Secret? Hmmmm?


----------



## Kazak

Coming this fall: Dan Brown's _The Caramilk Secret_. [Spoiler Alert: Only the Knights Templar know how it's done.]


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm appalled by this piece of news.

Why don't people just stick to what they're good at anymore? Time was when the hoi polloi knew their place in the scheme of things. 'Every man to his trade', as they say.


----------



## Kazak

I'm appalled by the presumption that these young people were trying to break in. Perhaps, having failed to find a gun with which to play Russian Roulette, they were intentionally bouncing rocks off the shop window, trying to brain themselves.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Perhaps, having failed to find a gun with which to play Russian Roulette, they were intentionally bouncing rocks off the shop window, trying to brain themselves.


The irony being that it had already been done.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's it ... he was being ironic! I'd even go so far as to say post-ironic, the clue being in the first sentence - he tried it three times.

Doh!


----------



## Kazak

Maybe post-moronic.


----------



## Kazak

Or rock-moronic.

Or post-morocknic.

"He spelled 'Yale' with a 6."


----------



## tilt

For a thread titled "test" this has sure generated 144 pages!!! What are people talking about here? I do not have the patience to read through all the pages.

BTW, that was a rhetorical Q.


----------



## SINC

From the post previous to yours, it would appear to be about morons at the moment.


----------



## Kazak

tilt, reading through all the pages in one sitting would be hazardous to your mental health. Trust me. And me. 

"test" is a thread in which anarchy rules (oxymoron, I guess you were right, SINC). It is never about anything for very long.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

tilt said:


> For a thread titled "test" this has sure generated 144 pages!!! What are people talking about here? I do not have the patience to read through all the pages.
> 
> BTW, that was a rhetorical Q.


I wouldn't recommend reading any of the posts in this thread, tilt**. There's a lot of disturbing stuff about cheese and some of the inmates here display a very unhealthy preoccupation with goats.

The test continues.

** Gotcha!


----------



## The Doug

It is extremely unlikely that Dan Hill will show up and sing (or type out with great emotion,) _Sometimes When We Touch_ in this thread. This is a good thing.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We must be grateful for all good things.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We are grateful for goats.


----------



## screature

Goats may not be grateful for us...





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

Do you suppose there are feigning goats too?


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> It is extremely unlikely that Dan Hill will show up and sing (or type out with great emotion,) _Sometimes When We Touch_ in this thread. This is a good thing.


Way beyond good. This is a cause for celebration throughout the universe. But . . . 

I must confess that, unable to avoid this song while I was growing up, I used to think the chorus lyrics were

"Sometimes when we touch,
The artist sees too much,"

which conjured all kinds of disturbing sex therapy portraiture images, especially since at least one of the subjects was bound to be Mr. Hill himself.

Anyway, having spoiled your breakfasts (goat cheese), I'll go away now.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We are grateful for goats.


I am grateful for grated cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It would grate to know you weren't grateful for grated cheese.


----------



## Kazak

Ingrate.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Denigrate,


----------



## KC4

Disintegrate...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Emigrate ...


----------



## Kazak

immigrate

migrate

oh grate

cue Tony the Tiger


----------



## screature




----------



## tilt

Kazak said:


> immigrate
> 
> migrate
> 
> oh grate
> 
> cue Tony the Tiger


Going rate


----------



## Kazak

.





​


----------



## Ena

Cheese Files are all well and gouda but how about files on that Russ Limberger fellow?


----------



## KC4

Hold tight, hold tight, a-hold tight, hold tight 
Fododo-de-yacka saki


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhn84N9JueA

Shrimps and rice they're very niiiiiiiiiiiiice 
Bad da do daa, da de do da do daa, ba da da da do daaaa


----------



## Kazak

Which one are you, KC4? Crystal, Ronette, or Chiffon?


----------



## The Doug

Yes.


----------



## Chris

Exterminate!


----------



## Kazak

Stand back! It's got a plunger!


----------



## KC4

Relax everybody, It's just one of Madonna's corsets.


----------



## Kazak

Of corset is.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Which one are you, KC4? Crystal, Ronette, or Chiffon?





The Doug said:


> Yes.


Exactly. 

Please note that all fish, crustaceans and canines involved in this music video are professional actors. No fish or crustaceans were harmed or consumed in the making of this video. In fact Rocklaw B. Stern is a well known stunt lobster. They really had to shell out to get him onboard.


----------



## Kazak

I've heard of RBS. I understand that in his contract there is more than one expensive claws.


----------



## KC4

Yes, they really had to pay antennae to the D tails, ensuring that there was no butter in the dressing room, the accompanying coral group was to scale and that the piano was perfectly tunaed for him. The world is definitely his oyster.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## screature

You call that an oyster?.....









This is an oyster!


----------



## Kazak

So oyster the John B sails . . .


----------



## screature

Come on the sloop John B.
My grandfather and me,
Round Nassau town we did roam;
Drinking all night, ve got in a fight,
Ve feel so break-up, ve vant to go home.

(Chorus)
So h'ist up the John B. sails,

See how the mainsail set,

Send for the captain—shore, let us go home,
Let me go home, let me go home,
I feel so break-up, I vant to go home.


Yo Ho Ho and a bottle a' rum...


----------



## KC4

Oostahs and Worcester* Boosta dah Roostah!


* Pronunciation guide:



> "Worcester"
> 
> WAR-CHES-TAH
> This is the incorrect way to say it. Someone from the south who doesn't know the proper pronunciation, trying to fake the accent.
> WOO-STAH
> This is the correct way to say it. This is the pronunciation used by most of the residents of the city and surrounding areas.
> WIS-TAH
> This is the correct way to say it. This is the pronunciation used mostly by people north of the city.
> WOO-STER
> This is the correct way to say it. This is the pronunciation used by people who have lived elsewhere and either now live in Worcester, or somewhere else.
> WUSS-TAH
> This is the incorrect way to say it. is the pronunciation used by most of the residents of the city and surrounding areas when they're putting down the city.
> WAR-CHEST-ER
> This is the incorrect way to say it. This is the pronunciation used by people from south of the Mason-Dixon line who have seen it in print. These are generally the people you hang up on when they call you, since they're telemarketers.
> WAR-SES-TER
> This is the incorrect way to say it. This is the other popular mis-pronunciation I hear often, this one I understand a little better, it sort-of looks like it should be said this way.
> WOOSTER
> This is the incorrect way to say it. This is how the name is spelled when someone outside of the region is trying to write down your address over the phone.
> WORM-TOWN
> This is how you pronounce the name, if you're a brain dead Boston D.J. or visiting college student. Of course the origin is a little more interesting and flattering than it's now corrupted meaning.
> GRITTY OLD MILL TOWN
> This is how you spell the name if you're the New York Times (as stated when discussing why Bruce Springsteen started one of his tours in the Centrum). Needless to say, we like to spell their name CRIME RIDDEN CESSPOOL.


(Just take your bucket to Nantucket.)


----------



## Kazak

This once was a man from Stanboul . . .


----------



## SINC

Who had a magnificent mule . . .


----------



## Kazak

When he'd swallowed the drugs,
El Magnifico shrugs
And says, "How will you get them back, fool?"


----------



## SINC

There once was a woman from Madras . . .


----------



## Kazak

Who couldn't remember her address . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

When down came a spider ...


----------



## KC4

That did indeed bite her
Inciting a terrible madness. 


The End
(of the spider)


----------



## Kazak

There once was a goat from Missouri . . .


----------



## The Doug

Who pecked prodigiously at pie-eyed pepper picklers...


----------



## Kazak

Silly sketch.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

On odd days, however, he picked at his peppered pecker, pie-eyed ... being that sort of goat ...


----------



## KC4

"What was that about pickles?" asked Dirk, rising and buckling his goat.
"I am hard of herring," he added as he headed towards the door, steering
Richard with him, "Good afternoon, Miss Way. Wish us Goat speed."


----------



## Kazak

With apologies to Messrs. Adams and Kim:

Dirk me Gently, dirk me slowly
Take it easy, don't you know
That I have never been dirked like this before.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Dirk me Gently, dirk me slowly
> Take it easy, don't you know
> That I have never been dirked like this before.


I'll bet you say that to all the goats.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I'll bet you say that to all the goats.


Only after my pick-up line: "Which way you goin', Billy?"


----------



## screature

"Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life"
"Billy, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife"
And as he started to go she said "Billy, keep your head lo-o-ow"
"Billy, don't be a hero, come back to me"


----------



## Kazak

"Come back and make me your wife"?

That's goatesque.


----------



## The Doug

You're not kiddin'.


----------



## Chris

"I feel faint," said the goat.


----------



## Kazak

"Ooh
It's so good, it's so good
It's so good, it's so good
It's so good
Ooh
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
Heaven knows
Ooh
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love

I feel love, I feel love, I feel love

Ooh
Fallin' free, fallin' free
Fallin' free, fallin' free
Fallin' free
Ooh
You and me, you and me
You and me, you and me
You and me
Ooh
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love

I feel love, I feel love, I feel love

Ooh
I'll get you, I'll get you
I'll get you, I'll get you
I'll get you
Ooh
What you do, what you do
What you do, what you do
What you do
Ooh
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love

I feel love, I feel love, I feel love," said the Queen of Disco.

(And really, what else is there to say?)


----------



## KC4

Moxoto moxoto candlelight 
Doin' the town and doin' it right 
In the evenin' 
It's pretty pleasin' 

Moxoto Susie, Moxoto Sam 
Do the jitterbug out in moxoto land 
And they shimmy 
And Sammy's so skinny 

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed 
Singin' and jingin' the jango 
Floatin' like the heavens above 
It looks like moxoto love 

Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese 
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?" 
And she say yes 
With her kisses 

And now he's ticklin' her fancy :heybaby:
Rubbin' her toes 
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes 
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle 

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed 
Singin' and jingin' the jango 
Floatin' like the heavens above 
It looks like moxoto love 

La da da da da ...

- Cabra and Ten Eels.


----------



## Kazak

Drunk and disabled we're both under the table
With the crumbs, in the doldrums we play
Good loving and laughter, we both know what we're after
And there don't seem a lot left to say

Coming like a habit, coming like a ritual
The same old tete-a-tete in your dreamy feather-bed
You give lessons in parrot fashion love
The same old tete-a-tete in your dreamy feather-bed
You give lessons in parrot fashion love

Polly want a cracker, Polly want a cracker

- Split Enz (lead vocal by Tim Finn)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

5785 ... Wow!

Leading with a five's a bit brave, but if the fifth card's a six, you'll get a nice run of four along with the 31.

Now, where are my trousers?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Now, where are my trousers?


Well, although we've not seen him for a good long while, we know GuyToronto doesn't have them.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's as good as a definite lead!


----------



## Kazak

Unless you have lead poisoning.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Now, where are my trousers?


Hmm... have you noticed that Doug has not been "dans mi culottes" anymore either? 

Maybe there's a serial slacks sneaker, terrible trouser taker, you know... a paltry pant pilferer around?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Hmm... have you noticed that Doug has not been "dans mi culottes" anymore either?
> 
> Maybe there's a serial slacks sneaker, terrible trouser taker, you know... a paltry pant pilferer around?


mes culottes [sigh]

You mean like a short shorts shorter? (Or, for the ladies, a short short shorts shorter.)


----------



## KC4

Ack. I'm not sure what I meant... I think the short pants have more potential.

As usual, I'm swimming "par le siege de mon pantalon". 


If I could find 'em.


----------



## SINC

I don't wear any. It's sooo much easier.


----------



## singingcrow

Excuse me, could someone tell me which way did I go?


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> I don't wear any. It's sooo much easier.


Tooo much information. And now your secret society (Motorhome Operators, Half-Naked, or MoOHNies for short) is going to suspend your member(ship).

No wonder you worry about spurs.


----------



## Kazak

singingcrow said:


> Excuse me, could someone tell me which way did I go?


Would you like those directions in the form of road directions, or just as the singingcrow flies?


----------



## singingcrow

Kazak said:


> Would you like those directions in the form of road directions, or just as the singingcrow flies?


Oh! Let's take flight!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes. I'm a celery stick - get me out of here.


----------



## SINC

A celery stick is nothing without CHEESE. And more cheese.


----------



## Kazak

Expect a protest on your lawn tomorrow from the Celery Stick Anti-Defamation League.


----------



## KC4

Yup, either that, or you'll gain a bunch of unwanted stalkers.


----------



## singingcrow

Mine come in handy - the bamboo ones are old, but in my garden, they work just fine.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

singingcrow said:


> Mine come in handy - the bamboo ones are old, but in my garden, they work just fine.


They'll encourage the local pandas to come for a visit.


----------



## Kazak

If you enjoy pandaring to the likes of them.


----------



## SINC

Them's the breaks.


----------



## KC4

Yup, especially when pandamonium breaks out. 

That'll be hard to bear.


----------



## SINC

I guess we'll have to bare with it then?


----------



## screature

Pandas play a mean fife. Who knew?


----------



## Macfury

Stinkin' oversized raccoons!


----------



## screature

Macfury said:


> Stinkin' oversized raccoons!


----------



## singingcrow

It's a ****'s world!


----------



## Kazak

screature said:


> Pandas play a mean fife. Who knew?


l: Jean-Pierre Pandal
r: Ian Pandarson


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> l: Jean-Pierre Pandal
> r: Ian Pandarson


:lmao::clap:


----------



## singingcrow

fuzzy nothings come to mind, so beware the force


----------



## SINC

singingcrow said:


> fuzzy nothings come to mind


As opposed to fuzzy somethings:


----------



## Kazak

Somehow I never thought paradise would be pink.


----------



## SINC

It is so!


----------



## screature

LA VIE EN ROSE 

Des yeux qui font baiser les miens,
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,
Voila le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas,
Je vois la vie en rose....





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

Thanks, I was wondering what to have for supper tonight. Rice Piaf it is.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You won't regret nothin'.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Thanks, I was wondering what to have for supper tonight. Rice Piaf it is.


That's certainly much more digestible than Céline Dijon.


----------



## Ena

How about some Paul Sanka to go with the steak Diana served by Muddy Waiters?


----------



## KC4

Just as long as nobody eats INXS.


----------



## screature

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Just as long as nobody eats INXS.


All's Farriss in love and food.


----------



## singingcrow

Walking on cloud 583 for all Jolie.


----------



## Chris

Do you like Creem in your coffee?


----------



## KC4

Chris said:


> Do you like Creem in your coffee?


Yes, please, double, double.

I like a Taste of Honey in my tea too, thanks.


----------



## Kazak

I don't like The Sound Of Philadelphia in my ears.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I don't like the pong of Pusan in my nostrils.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

. . . or is he just glad to see me?


----------



## KC4

Who nose?


----------



## singingcrow

I had one - it didn't smell very good.


----------



## SINC

Well, that makes scents.


----------



## singingcrow

You'd need a hundred to make a dollar.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, and a penny saved is a wooden nickel that turns on a dime and only accepts quarters, driving you loonie toonie.

Time for a change.


----------



## KC4

Is that your two bits worth, Kazak?


----------



## SINC

Uh, that's his $3.31's worth if ya add it all up.


----------



## Kazak

Uh, isn't that $3.41?

Speaking of which, here's another embarrassing misheard lyric from my childhood:

"Two hours of pushing broom, buys an 8x12 four-bedroom." I used to wonder how he could afford such a big house on such a low-paying job.


----------



## singingcrow

Nothing's what it seams. I was sure I won the lotto, but then remembered I didn't even buy a dress.


----------



## SINC

You can dress 'em up, but you can't . . .


----------



## KC4

Viewer discretion advised.


----------



## singingcrow

What you see is what you get.


----------



## SINC

singingcrow said:


> What you see is what you get.


.


----------



## Kazak

That's no lady, that's my wife.


----------



## SINC

Ohhhhh, God is gonna getcha for that one.


----------



## KC4

The pearls with the face and chest hair is a charming touch. A little bit of fire-engine red lipstick and the look would be perfect!


----------



## screature

KC4 said:


> The pearls with the face and chest hair is a charming touch. A little bit of fire-engine red lipstick and the look would be perfect!


Like this?


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> Like this?
> 
> View attachment 14878


Oh, SWEET BABOON BUTTS! That is EXACTLY the "look"! Bravo!


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Oh, SWEET BABOON BUTTS! That is EXACTLY the "look"! Bravo!


Baboon butts eh?


----------



## screature

SINC said:


> Baboon butts eh?


No she said SWEET BABOON BUTTS. More like this.


----------



## Kazak

And we wonder why new people don't stick around in this thread.


----------



## SINC

I imagine that cone got you thinking about "stickin" did it?


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> No she said SWEET BABOON BUTTS. More like this.
> 
> View attachment 14883


Haaa! Exactly it, Quick Draw!


----------



## Kazak

Lancelot Link.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Lancelot Link.


.


----------



## Kazak

That show was just wrong. I was more of a Hudson Brothers kid: "Do it for me: Lady Patrisssia."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Italy out of the World Cup, earthquakes in Ontario, baboons with ice cream cones up their bottoms, Kazak negotiating with a lady with the offer of taking her to a patisserie ... these are indeed testing times.


----------



## Kazak

Yep, don't think I'll be going back to Baboon Rubbins anytime soon (31 flavours that all taste oddly similar). Definitely swearing off the chocolate dip waffle cones.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Yep, don't think I'll be going back to Baboon Rubbins anytime soon (31 flavours that all taste oddly similar). * Definitely swearing off the chocolate dip waffle cones.*


:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


----------



## The Doug

I will never be able to listen to Nena's _99 Luftbaboons_ again.


----------



## Kazak

Way ahead of you. Played it six nights a week for eight months.

But think of those poor women who wear a _baboonshka._


----------



## KC4

We mustn't forget Babrooke Shields in Blue Baboon.


----------



## Kazak

But we must try.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It is done.


----------



## SINC

Forget what?


----------



## KC4

I dunno. Sometimes it helps to leave myself a message on my phone to remind myself of important things I shouldn't forget.




But then, I can't remember my password.


----------



## The Doug

I can't remember the Battle of Hastings.


----------



## SINC

And I can't remember when National Popcorn Week is.


----------



## screature

Mmmm... corns.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I can't remember the Battle of Hastings.


I bet the birthday boy does.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> I can't remember the Battle of Hastings.





Kazak said:


> I bet the birthday boy does.


Hell, I can barely remember the Battle of Bannockburn.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> I can't remember the Battle of Hastings.


There, there. It was a long time ago, and you've done so much since.


----------



## Kazak

You know, one well-placed motorhome could have changed the outcome of the battle, and history.


----------



## KC4

A Winner-bago?


----------



## Kazak

Wait! I've got this great idea for a book: A Sexagenarian Canuck in King Harold II's Court.


----------



## singingcrow

Harold the one I know I know!
Harold the one I know....


----------



## Kazak

Arc, the Harold angles swing . . .


----------



## SINC

Glory to the acute thing


----------



## Kazak

Pi on Earth and µ sin tiled . . .


----------



## SINC

Even though the angles filed


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Christmas seems to come earlier every year.


----------



## Kazak

[Holidays] should be what they seem;
Or those that be not, would they might seem none!


----------



## SINC

I make nothing of it.


----------



## Ena

l'état, c'est moi


----------



## singingcrow

Maya.


----------



## Kazak

Nnaise.


----------



## SINC

The place has gone batty.


----------



## Kazak

One two three, spread out the cape
One two three, twirl round the floor
One two three, left foot you swing
One two three, then start to sing
One two three, loud as you please
One two three, counting with ease
One two three, doing the batty bat
Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
One two three count
Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
Won't you dance with me doing the batty bat


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> One two three, spread out the cape
> One two three, twirl round the floor
> One two three, left foot you swing
> One two three, then start to sing
> One two three, loud as you please
> One two three, counting with ease
> One two three, doing the batty bat
> Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
> One two three count
> Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
> Won't you dance with me doing the batty bat


Why shore!


----------



## KC4

^ Which one is Macfury?^


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> One two three, spread out the cape
> One two three, twirl round the floor
> One two three, left foot you swing
> One two three, then start to sing
> One two three, loud as you please
> One two three, counting with ease
> One two three, doing the batty bat
> Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
> One two three count
> Batty batty bat batty bat batty bat batty bat
> Won't you dance with me doing the batty bat


“And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> ^ Which one is Macfury?^


By the way, which one's Pink?


----------



## singingcrow

KC4 said:


> “And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”


At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl. 
"This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed.
So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.
"This porridge is too cold," she said
So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.
"Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up.


----------



## SINC

It's getting so I can just bearly stand this thread.


----------



## Kazak

singingcrow said:


> At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl.
> "This porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed.
> So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl.
> "This porridge is too cold," she said
> So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge.
> "Ahhh, this porridge is just right," she said happily and she ate it all up.


Big-Picture Question:

Would Goldilocks still like the third bowl if she'd tried it first?

Your answer should include the implications for art, relationships, and our fundamental purpose in life.


----------



## The Doug

A sorry paradise resigns porridge. The nose treats an assisted cosmology. Goldilocks refrains opposite porridge. How can the potential game rave within Goldilocks? Goldilocks guns the overnight whale.


----------



## SINC

Another purpose smokes over the remainder of this thread.


----------



## screature

SINC said:


> Another purpose smokes over the remainder of this thread.


You want smoke...? Now that's smokin'...


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Goldilocks guns the overnight whale.


Must be FedWets or UWS.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Must be FedWets or UWS.


Choices, choices ...


----------



## Ena

approach avoid, flight or fight


----------



## Kazak

liberty or death
Red or dead
freedom or crucifixion
regular or diet

(seems to be a theme here)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Screaming or whimpering. Prison or freedom.

Can't these beasts perform in their cellars? How on earth do they think Cistercian monks and Discalced Carmelites get away with it?


----------



## The Doug

Pity that you can't cause a bustle in your hedgerow these days without the authorities being summoned.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Pity that you can't cause a bustle in your hedgerow these days without the authorities being summoned.


One can only hope it stands up in court.


----------



## SINC

It should do, long as it stays sober.


----------



## KC4

The secret of the modern Discalced Carmelite.​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Those laces are rather racy for Carmelites.


----------



## SINC

How about slip-ons then?


----------



## screature

I like mine a little hairier...


----------



## Kazak

I sense widespread compensation issues here, at least among the male members (redundancy intended).


----------



## SINC

Redundant is right!
:lmao::lmao::lmao:


----------



## The Doug

Something's afoot as usual.


----------



## SINC

Yeah, there's a lot of tippy toeing going on here.


----------



## Kazak

A heel is up to something arch, I suspect.


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.





We’ve been working so hard 
Keep punching our card 
Eight hours, for what? 
Oh, tell me what we’ve got 
I get this feeling 
That time's just holding us down 
I'll hit the ceiling 
Or else I'll tear up this town 
Tonight we gotta cut 

Loose, footloose 
Kick off your Sunday shoes 
Please, SQ
Pull me offa my knees 
Kazak, get back 
C'mon before we crack 
Lose your blues 
Everybody cut footloose 
You're playing so cool 
Obeying every rule 
Dig way down in your heart 
You're yearning, burning for some 
Somebody to tell you 
That life ain't passing you by 
I'm trying to tell you 
It will if you don't even try 
You can fly if you'd only cut 

Loose, footloose 
Kick off your Sunday shoes 
Oowhee, Screature
Shake it, shake it for me 
Whoa, SINCo 
C'mon, c'mon let go 
Lose your blues 
Everybody cut footloose 
FIRST - we got to turn you around 
SECOND - You put your feet on the ground 
THIRD - Now take a hold of your soul 
FOUR - Whooooooooa, I'm turning it 
Loose, FOOTLOOSE 

Loose, footloose 
Kick off your Sunday shoes 
Please, Ena
Pull me offa my knees 
Kazak, get back 
C'mon before we crack 
Lose your blues 
Everybody cut footloose 

Loose, footloose 
Kick off your Monday shoes 
Oowhee, Doug-ie
Shake it, shake it for me 
Whoa, Singing Crow
C'mon, c'mon let go 
Lose your blues 
Everybody cut footloose 

FIRST - we got to turn you around 
SECOND - You put your feet on the ground 
THIRD - Now take a hold of your soul 
FOUR - Whooooooooa, I'm turning it 
Loose, FOOTLOOSE!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Notice how we don't hear much about Tristan de Cunha these days? It's all gone eerily quiet.


----------



## SINC

That reminds me, I must give Wolfram Willibrord a call. Haven't chatted with him in ages.


----------



## Kazak

Put your foot on my shoulder . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Which foot?


----------



## screature

My Left Foot...





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Which shoulder?


----------



## SINC

Looks like both to me:


----------



## Kazak

_Tybalt [to Mercutio]:_ Thou contortest with Romeo.


----------



## SINC

*Popeye:* There's womens and infinks on that ship.


----------



## singingcrow

Ifink therefore I am not.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ptherephthfore I am not replying.


----------



## Kazak

singingcrow said:


> Ifink therefore I am not.


iFink: a tiny program installed on every Mac that informs Apple when you have software with a single-use license installed on multiple computers.


----------



## SINC

HOME


----------



## Kazak

Phthere's pno phplace phlike . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Phthere's pno phplace phlike . . .


Foam?


----------



## Kazak

Only for those who aren't sponge-worthy.


----------



## SINC

That sponge will be bouncing around here for a while, methinks.


----------



## singingcrow

It looks like a sponge.
It sounds like a sponge...


----------



## Kazak

Let's expunge this whole thing, shall we?


----------



## SINC

Certainly, it was a soggy subject at best.


----------



## KC4

What about divine spongiform incipidofolly?

Is this the result of ingesting holy cows?


----------



## Kazak

I cannot divine whether you meant "divine" or "bovine."

And the answer to your question is "affirmootive."


----------



## SINC

It's a Bessy business at best.


----------



## KC4

Or was that divine canineform dyslexophy.....Mad Dog Disease?


----------



## SINC

Speaking of Mad Dogs:


----------



## singingcrow

Quite the hairy business, don'cha know!


----------



## Kazak

When did Robin Williams go bald?


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> When did Robin Williams go bald?


Just recently:


----------



## screature

My favourite Williams.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Is there reception tonight?


----------



## Kazak

Unfortunately, Walston hasn't received anything since 2001.


----------



## SINC

Ah, much like SETI then.


----------



## Kazak

Well, if the Search for Extra-Toronto Intelligence hadn't given up at Ottawa, they would have found lots of intelligent life out there.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Well, if the Search for Extra-Toronto Intelligence hadn't given up at Ottawa, they would have found lots of intelligent life out there.


Not so much intelligent life to be found in TO these days either.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

We're watching you ...​


----------



## screature

You're obviously much more intelligent than me me Snapple Quaffer, I have no idea what this means. :lmao:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

screature said:


> You're obviously much more intelligent than me me Snapple Quaffer, I have no idea what this means. :lmao:


You think I do?


----------



## Kazak

Should have pressed F1.


----------



## screature

Snapple Quaffer said:


> You think I do?


:lmao:


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> We're watching you ...​


I thought it was more like, "We're eavesdropping on you. Don't say anything bad about earthlings."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> I thought it was more like, "We're eavesdropping on you. Don't say anything bad about earthlings."


They knew you were going to think that before you did.


----------



## KC4

CALL HOME! They are searching for you there!​


----------



## Kazak

That's really not a good look for you.


----------



## KC4

What? You don't like my Fro? Er, Frish? 

Or is it the lipstick? Orangu-Tang?


----------



## The Doug

Is this the dawning of the age of aquarium?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

By the look of that fish, it's tanked already.


----------



## screature

Aliens are already among us.


----------



## singingcrow

There's no need to add to what's already there.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, they are among you.

Us ... us ... I meant us.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A hull of a lovely couple.


----------



## The Doug

When I think that they are no longer among us, I get emutional.


----------



## Kazak

Too much Visine: gets the Rod out.


----------



## SINC

I'll keep an eye out for the rod.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A moment's respect, please, for the patron saint of TV aerials.


----------



## Kazak

and lightning.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Rod by name and rod by nature.


----------



## Kazak

Spare the Rod and spoil the Rolf.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## SINC

Tie me kangaroo down sport, 
tie me kangaroo down. 
Tie me kangaroo down sport, 
tie me kangaroo down.


----------



## screature

Tie one on kangaroo...


----------



## Kazak

Probably a microbroo.


----------



## SINC

Well, this has turned into a fine broo ha ha.


----------



## Ena

Would Pascal wager on that?


----------



## SINC

No, but Pasquale might:


----------



## screature

My money would be on the Swedish Chef...





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Look out! He's got a göön.


----------



## KC4

Ve all may weesh to oingy sproingy ootta herea. Voot Voot!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Sproingy oingies ya! Dey gud for de seenisuzies.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## screature

Tien would be no match for The Knights who say Ni .


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

It's time for the Funky Chicken to reappear.


----------



## Kazak

Keep on cluckin'


----------



## Macfury

Farewell funky chicken:


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

I used to work with a woman whose skin looked like that. Hers weren't real, either.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

5998


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

5999


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

6000


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 6000


And most of them meaningless, but who's counting.


----------



## Kazak

I would say that most of them are insignificant; however, they are not literally meaningless (with a few exceptions).

So, onward and goatward, if you cheese.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, one shouldn't entirely discount the usefulness of a chocolate teapot.


----------



## Ena

I wouldn't recommend a wool tea cosy from the church bizarre.


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, a chocolate teapot filled with cold milk might be spot on!


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> 6000


Seis the Day!


----------



## KC4

*CARP*e Diem!


----------



## The Doug

Tu sais, les phoques sonts des mammifères marins et d'excellents nageurs. Mais je crois qu'ils ne mangent pas les carpes.


----------



## SINC

I did get the part about the mammaries, but that's it.


----------



## The Doug

Et bonne nuit, Monsieur Cinq!


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> Tu sais, les phoques sonts des mammifères marins et d'excellents nageurs. Mais je crois qu'ils ne mangent pas les carpes.


Ils font aux barres de sushi meilleur marché ; mais ils juste ne le savent pas.

Juste ne dites pas leurs mammaries.


----------



## Kazak

"J'essaye et j'essaye mais je sais
Que je n'ai pas assez de Française" - James Taylor


----------



## SINC

Uh, yeah, right.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Le papillon vole à l'école,
Le buffle est vide.

Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, delà,
Pareil à la
Feuille morte.

Vive la France.​


----------



## screature

Vive Le Quebec Libre!










Unfortunately we live with the history of this near despot's "call to arms" to this day. tptptptp


----------



## Kazak

Un petit d'un petit
S'étonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degrés te fallent
Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mène
Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes.


----------



## SINC

At least I can understand your signature.


----------



## Kazak

SINC, I first saw that poem years ago in university. Try saying it out loud with an outrageous French accent. Even if you don't know any of the words, I bet you'll recognize it.


----------



## SINC

I know nothing of French so it is lost on me I am afraid.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Un petit d'un petit
> S'étonne aux Halles
> Un petit d'un petit
> Ah! degrés te fallent
> Indolent qui ne sort cesse
> Indolent qui ne se mène
> Qu'importe un petit d'un petit
> Tout Gai de Reguennes.



This is the translation Babel Fish provides... :lmao:

Small a d' small S' astonish with the Markets Small a d' small Ah! degrees are necessary for you Indolent which does not leave cease Indolent which is not carried out Qu' import small a d' small Very Merry of Reguennes.

Random Paragraph Generator anyone...  :lmao:


----------



## Kazak

Say it out loud, guys. It's not the words that are important, it's the sounds.


----------



## KC4

What a crack up! 

OOmp Tea Doom Tea....

(one lump or deux?)


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Say it out loud, guys. It's not the words that are important, it's the sounds.


I just did and guess what?

It sounds exactly like:

Boom boom, acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom, acka lacka boom boom
- Was (not was)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

> Boom boom, acka lacka lacka boom
> Boom boom, acka lacka boom boom


Try putting _that_ back together again!


----------



## Kazak

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone . . .


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I gave my love a cherry that had no stone . . .


I gave my love some ice cream ......... without a cone.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

How many biscuits can you eat this mornin'?


----------



## Kazak

I gave my love an Android, but no iPhone . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

She wanted a Zune, but I gave her a prune ...


----------



## Dr.G.

How can there be a cherry without a stone?
How can there be some ice cream without a cone?
How can you give her an Android and not an iPhone????????????????????


----------



## Kazak

A virgin is a cherry without a stone,
A sundae is some ice cream without a cone,
Oh, and Norman is an android without an iPhone.





​


----------



## Kazak

Still confused by my earlier post? Click ici.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Oh, and Norman is an android without an iPhone.


Well, at least you know the iPhone wouldn't have Flashed her.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Well, at least you know the iPhone wouldn't have Flashed her.


Don't be too sure, it may have Frashed her:

http://www.ehmac.ca/ipod-itunes-iphone-apple-tv/87913-frash-iphone.html


----------



## Kazak

From the sage wisdom of Little Critter: Fbish!


----------



## KC4

Did someone say FBI Fish?


----------



## Kazak

No.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Blame the photographer. They were actually spelling "ON."


----------



## KC4

I thought it was:

O
Z


I'm off to see the wizard...


----------



## SINC

The wide angle shot was "NO WAY!"


----------



## Kazak

No way.


----------



## KC4

Whey!


----------



## Kazak

No "A"


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or, as you chappies say, "No, eh!"


----------



## SINC

Actually it's, "How's it goin', eh?"


----------



## singingcrow

Yeah... no.


----------



## Kazak

Weigh.


----------



## The Doug

Oy vey.


----------



## Thundaboom

Oy what


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Could be that, too!


----------



## Thundaboom

There's also a chance it couldn't be.


----------



## SINC

There seems to be "be"s buzzing about in here.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> There seems to be "be"s buzzing about in here.


YouTube - Vuvuzela torture (+ raw sound clip download)


----------



## SINC

Ah, a link ride to the same spot.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Thundaboom said:


> There's also a chance it couldn't be.


Let's take a vote. All those in favour of 'it couldn't be', say "Aye".

All those in thphavour of 'it could be', say either "Noe" ... or "Aye".


----------



## screature

Maybe.


----------



## Kazak

I
know
eye
neigh

Sorry, aye'm indecayesive.
Gno, eye'm knot.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Well, I'm glad we've cleared that up.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Where's _your_ phavourite holiday destination?






​


----------



## singingcrow

This is all going to my head!


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, lemme see, so much BEER. OK, I'll choose BEER!


----------



## Kazak

99 bottles of beer in the SINC,
99 bottles of beer . . .


----------



## SINC

I'd join in, but with that amount of beer in me, all I can do is babble.


----------



## singingcrow

Tiiny babbles, in the air
Makes me feel happy...


----------



## Kazak

Makes me not care.


----------



## SINC

Ah, yes, the old meknot. I hate it when that happens, especially to me.


----------



## KC4

knot me!


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> knot me!


Uh, no kinky stuff in here, OK?


----------



## singingcrow

SINC said:


> Uh, no kinky stuff in here, OK?


Well then, I guess I won't be talking about my back!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> knot me!


Tie me goldfish down, sport . . .


----------



## KC4

What did geri doo now?


----------



## Kazak

wOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOt!


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> wOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOt!


That owl's got a hair lip!


----------



## Kazak

It's okay. Owl's well that ends well.


----------



## SINC

An owl with a deep voice is called a growl.


----------



## KC4

A fish with a deep voice is a Bass-o profindo.


----------



## Kazak

A White with a deep voice is called a Barry-tone.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's all beginning to make sense now.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It's all beginning to make sense now.


Oh dear, that's the first sign.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Oh dear, that's the first sign.


It's true!










Thewitt has led us along the path of enlightenment.​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

What the hell is this carp?​


----------



## SINC

Looks like a carpgoat to me.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> View attachment 15147
> 
> What the hell is this carp?​


Carpo Marx?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Carpo Marx?


Use stain remover.


----------



## The Doug

Didn't Stain just win a soccer game or something?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Didn't Stain just win a soccer game or something?


Yes, they beat the Neverwons.


----------



## singingcrow

Where are they from? Neverland?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

. . . a horse was about to eat a cowboy's shoulder.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The cowboy felt a nagging pain ..


----------



## Kazak

...to say nothing of the deep burning pain in his siii-iii-ii-i-ide.


----------



## SINC

So he vowed to quit riding sidesaddle.


----------



## screature

SINC said:


> So he vowed to quit riding sidesaddle.


When his hemorrhoids had healed.


----------



## Kazak

screature said:


> When his hemorrhoids had healed.


Holy hemorrhoids, screature, how the heck did you hook all those Hs together?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

How many hemorrhoids we about talking here?


----------



## Ena

It's like asking how many grapes in a bunch.


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, I'll take the grapes.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Thanks, I'll take the grapes.


The Grapes of Wrath?

YouTube - The Grapes of Wrath (1940) - I'll Be There


----------



## Kazak

Star Trek XII: The Wrath of Grapes







"We should send all them Klingons back where they came from."​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Uranus.


----------



## Ena

No, that's not my name.


----------



## KC4

Hello, nice to grape you.​


----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> No, that's not my name.


Urena is close, you must admit.



KC4 said:


> View attachment 15168
> 
> Hello, nice to grape you.​


I thought graping in the workplace was fruitual harassment.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Thanks, I'll take the grapes.











Please do.


----------



## Kazak

Looks like a staff meeting.


----------



## SINC

Indeed.


----------



## Kazak

Or a staph meeting.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Indeed.


Typical. Hawks and doves, the donut eater and the two that always stick together - no matter what the discussion is.


----------



## screature

KC4 said:


> Typical. Hawks and doves, the donut eater and the two that always stick together - no matter what the discussion is.


----------



## Kazak

I believe KC4 is identifying staff stereotypes among SINC's staves.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> I believe KC4 is identifying staff stereotypes among SINC's staves.


















+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## screature

duplicate


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

replicate


----------



## KC4

overcomplicate


----------



## Kazak

Kiss me, Kate.


----------



## screature

Masticate.


----------



## Ena

Chewbacca


----------



## Kazak

Spit, don't swallow.


----------



## Chris

Remember to floss.


----------



## KC4

That's what the whiskers are for.


----------



## Kazak

Thas wat thhhhhhe whisky's f-f-4.


----------



## The Doug

_Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Nam liber tempor cum soluta nobis eleifend option congue nihil imperdiet doming id quod mazim placerat facer possim assum. Typi non habent claritatem insitam; est usus legentis in iis qui facit eorum claritatem. Investigationes demonstraverunt lectores legere me lius quod ii legunt saepius. Claritas est etiam processus dynamicus, qui sequitur mutationem consuetudium lectorum. Mirum est notare quam littera gothica, quam nunc putamus parum claram, anteposuerit litterarum formas humanitatis per seacula quarta decima et quinta decima. Eodem modo typi, qui nunc nobis videntur parum clari, fiant sollemnes in futurum._


----------



## screature

_SPARTA!!_


----------



## Trose

_SPARTAN!!_


----------



## KC4

Of course, another Apple fan-boy!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Spartan.





​


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Ah, the sweet sounds of Lorenzo Music.


----------



## SINC

Row duh!


----------



## KC4




----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Right way . . .


----------



## screature

Oh no, not another leet post!


----------



## Kazak

Aranjuez


----------



## KC4

C'mon back soon Yawl!


----------



## SINC

Yaw who?


----------



## screature




----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


>


.


----------



## Kazak

Long Yawn Silver


----------



## SINC

Quick silver:



+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Goddess of Love


----------



## KC4

Venus and Mars are all right tonight.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## screature




----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Button, button, who's got the button?


----------



## screature

Staples.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

control-alt-defeat


----------



## Ena

Veni, vidi, vici


----------



## Kazak

Larry, Curly, Moe.


----------



## KC4

The Father, The Sun and The Holy Goat.


----------



## Kazak

Sweet Cheeses, that's blasphemy!


----------



## SINC

Don't forget Casper, the friendly goat:


----------



## The Doug

I prefer Gnutella as it is easier to spread on toast.


----------



## Kazak

. . . and much tastier than Oldtella.


----------



## SINC

You can spread a Gnu on toast? Who Gnu?


----------



## Kazak

Gnus get married by each saying "I gnu," at which point they are gnulyweds.


----------



## The Doug

How gnarly.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> How gnarly.


Indeedy do


----------



## Kazak

I recognize that, it's a metaphor for how the HST is simplifying the lives of British Columbians.


----------



## KC4

Know ciddin'? That tsuks!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Enough to make one bristle and pine for the abolition of HRT.


----------



## SINC

Speaking of bristle and pine:


----------



## screature

PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!?














+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Slartibartfast.


----------



## SINC

Magratheans rule!


----------



## Kazak

I thought it was mice.


----------



## SINC

I know, I know this is a hulava thing to post.


----------



## Kazak

What is that guy in the sunglasses doing with his mouth?


----------



## Ena

Vigorous gargling with mouthwash. 'When tonight is the night and it's gotta go right'


----------



## KC4

Another round of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters please! 



Just put mine here, beside me, on the floor. 

Tanks.


----------



## SINC

Great big tanks, with . . .


----------



## KC4

Hmmmm. Somebody likes to blow things up.


----------



## Kazak

Ceci n'est pas un tank.

OR

Okay, who ordered the helium tank?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

What a letdown ...


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Ceci n'est pas un tank.
> 
> OR
> 
> Okay, who ordered the helium tank?


It's the Trojan Tank arriving for the party.


----------



## SINC

Lemme guess! They roll the Trojan over the gun barrel, right?


----------



## Kazak

Beware of tanks bearing, um . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That's the stuff!

"Heads down, bowels open, 'ware tanks!" - Monty's standing order at El Alamein.


----------



## SINC

There's stuff on tank bearings?


----------



## Kazak

Yep, but since tanks are not restricted to paved surfaces, it's called swathkill.


----------



## SINC

Swathkill eh? Not so easy any more . . .


----------



## KC4

GOPHER it!


----------



## SINC

Dat's a prairie type dog, But I suppose you could still gopher it, could you?


----------



## Kazak

Prairie dog is not very punificent, so I'll choose G.I. Gopher.


----------



## KC4

You know what they say, let sleeping dogs lie. 

Should he awaken, the G.I.G. is up.


----------



## Kazak

Maybe Jerry Dog.


----------



## SINC

Or Deputy Dawg . . .


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

If Li-Lo were an ass. Oh, wait . . .


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Buy exclusive v1agra, titan1um r0lex watche$, wifes, 0xycont1n and m0re FREE from our ONLINE store!


----------



## Kazak

I'm working on a dispensing machine that will handle all those items, and more.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A catalogue would be useful - as a doorstop that is.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> A catalogue would be useful - as a doorstop that is.


Then what will we do with all the PCs?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Then what will we do with all the PCs?


Build more doors!


----------



## Kazak

Build Mordors?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Gaaggghhh! All those rings!


----------



## Kazak

All those Gollums (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian . . .)!


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> All those Gollums (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian . . .)!


Not to mention those corinthian leather seats in the new Chrysler Cordoba back then with Ricardo.


----------



## Kazak

Khan!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Khant!


----------



## screature

Descartes!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Cart horsian coordinates


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Cart horsian coordinates


C'est bon.

I have fluffy hooves, therefore I am.


----------



## KC4

Let's not cart our horses before the putt.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

To cart one's horse before the putt is an abomination in the eyes of the chickens who came before the egg.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

I saw in the paper last week that some scientist claims to have proven it was the chicken.


----------



## KC4

Is it an egg straight up with a chicken chaser, or a chicken on the rocks with an egg chaser?

Hmmph. 

It all tastes like chicken to me.


----------



## SINC

Why not call them cheggs and be done with it?


----------



## The Doug

Do not click here.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Do not click here.


Good one ................ similar to this dance.

Bagel Dance (original)


----------



## KC4

Eggs shaken, not stirred, on a bagel, toasted.


----------



## The Doug

KC4 said:


> ...bagel, toasted.


Plain, Sesame Street, or Poppy Family?


----------



## KC4

Bun.... James Bun.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... licenced to coddle ...


----------



## Kazak

What's this, then? If James Bun is a licentious cod, KC4 had better stay clear of the sandbars.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Bun of course came from the Currant Buns, an old Highland family. He was packed off to boarding school, at an early age, where he was famous for raisin hell.


----------



## Kazak

One thing that must be said for the Currant Buns, they are never passé.


----------



## Kazak

Furthermore, the Buns were unique among Highland families for their rather bizarre Marmalade Tartan.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Furthermore, the Buns were unique among Highland families for their rather bizarre Marmalade Tartan.


Yes, that William of Orange sure got around ...


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> One thing that must be said for the Currant Buns, they are never passé.


Right, but the buns are tossed, thus the emergence of that old Scottish custom, the Highland fling.


----------



## KC4

Beware the haute cross buns of Ecosse. Somebody may get kilt.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That wad be a richt scunner.


----------



## KC4

Luckily, I have become friends with the Peatbog Faeries from the fair Isle of Skye...


----------



## Ena

Things are better on the Isle of Islay as there is the Angel's share of the Scotch to be had. 

(there really is such a thing as the angel's share so I'm not all that clever)


----------



## SINC

It sure beats drinking the angel's hair.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ena said:


> Things are better on the Isle of Islay as there is the Angel's share of the Scotch to be had.
> 
> (there really is such a thing as the angel's share so I'm not all that clever)


Hmmmm ...

OK, just how much have you had, young Ena?

Can you stand on one foot with your eyes closed and say three times, "The Leith police dismisseth us."?

I thought not.


----------



## Ena

I've got a tore shroat from saying Auchtermuchty properly!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Take care of your uvula by gargling with Laphroaig.


----------



## Macfury

Then become a MASTER of LLAP-Goch ... the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH or PHYSICAL courage!


----------



## Kazak

. . . and may lead to your developing a third buttock.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A dangerous and unpredictable thing. Look what happens ... one escaped, grew eyes and hair and became our Prime Minister.






​


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> . . . and may lead to your developing a third buttock.


.


----------



## Kazak

Motor homes are expensive to purchase, maintain, and use, but SINC was able to live comfortably, thanks to his extra income as a butt model (see middle above).


----------



## projz

:greedy:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## screature

Soldiers blow up washing machine with a grenade


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Thrips - yep, it's that time of year again.


----------



## Ena

Midge Ure never has a season.


----------



## The Doug

But Warren Cann.


----------



## Trose

War can?


----------



## Kazak

A bird I don't recall 
called don't recall 
called don't recall


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Now ... I know that's not from the Thripenny Opera.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_"God does not play dice with thrips."_ - Albert Einstein.


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

"If you leave Earth and travel one year out and one year back at close to the speed of light, when you return to Earth, you'll be like, whoa, man . . ."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... lightheaded?


----------



## Kazak

... headlighted?


----------



## Dr.G.

Another day older and deeper in debt?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... relatively speaking, of course.


----------



## Kazak

Off course.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They said the same thing about the Titanic.


----------



## SINC

Yeah, but they iced it.


----------



## KC4

Is this still Earth? Can anybody point me in the direction of Canada?

Or at least the restrooms in the meanwhile?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

All good questions,

A selection of responses, in order, to be going on with:

Maybe.
Possibly.
No doubt.


----------



## KC4

Rapidos por favor Señor!

This place is overrun with Visigoths!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> This place is overrun with Visigoths!


My hovercraft is full of eels.


----------



## KC4

I'd sell at least half now and watch the eel exchange for another sale opportunity.


----------



## Kazak

Front half or back half?


----------



## The Doug

No.


----------



## KC4

I'd recommend the bottom half. You want your boat to keep an even eel.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Today I'm a golf ball.


----------



## Kazak

Lift a llama, goodby.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Today I'm a golf ball.


Feeling chippy? Just putting around?
Lost in the rough?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It's all OK. I've ironed it out.


----------



## SINC

You must be board.


----------



## KC4

There were just a bunch of Moors here. Now where did they go?

More Moors please.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> It's all OK. I've ironed it out.


I imagine you aren't actually ironing, although you apparently enjoy obfuscating everything.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> There were just a bunch of Moors here. Now where did they go?
> 
> More Moors please.


The Moor, the merrier.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I imagine you aren't actually ironing, although you apparently enjoy obfuscating everything.


Yes! No! Eschew obfuscation!






+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.




​


----------



## KC4

Meanwhile, I'm off to visit the camels of Catelonia, who are hopefully more friendly than the goats of Guadalajara.


----------



## SINC

Groats - Breakfast of Champs


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Meanwhile, I'm off to visit the camels of Catelonia, who are hopefully more friendly than the goats of Guadalajara.


Q: Can I borrow your dog?
A: No, but I've got a Catalonia.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My wife's going to the West Indies ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Snapple Quaffer said:


> My wife's going to the West Indies ...


Jamaica?


----------



## Kazak

Nah, she wanted to go.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

:lmao:


----------



## Kazak

13 colonies riddles:

Where will _____?
What will _____?


----------



## KC4

Who will________?

Who who WHO!



Who's will?
Whose will?


----------



## Kazak

Um, who will May knee? (should be "whom," but I digress)
No?
Whom will Massa choose its?
No?
Who will Virgin, yeah?
At least I'm trying. (pun intended)


----------



## SINC

Yep, very trying. beejacon


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

What did Perry Como, what did Perry comb ... ?


----------



## SINC

Why it was those little fluff balls off his sweaters that he combed.


----------



## Chris

Mary....land!

Dela....ware!

(Is that like tupperware?)


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, Chris. 

'Round here, we keep the Tupperware under . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Eeee, when I were a lad we swapped t'upperware n' t'underware every Sunday before we ganned ta church.

Tell that ta the youngsters of today ...


----------



## Kazak

One way of getting a Seal of Freshness, I suppose.


----------



## Ena

Did you really believe there was a clean toilet in the hotel under that strip of paper on the lid?


----------



## The Doug

Wow, how did they get a whole hotel under that strip of paper, anyway?


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Wow, how did they get a whole hotel under that strip of paper, anyway?


I guess one could say they're on a roll?


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Wow, how did they get a whole hotel under that strip of paper, anyway?


A hole-tel? Stayed in a few of those.


----------



## KC4

Are there Ho-Ho tels at the North Pole, or is that vice versa?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Doesn't that depend on which way you're facing?


----------



## KC4

Unless apathy strikes because you've been busting your compass all day.


----------



## Kazak

Who you gonna call?
Compass-busters.
(I ain't afraid of no North.)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If your compass is bust, chuck it on the compasst heap.


----------



## Ena

Where would one find John Dos Com-Passos?


----------



## Kazak

In El Passos?


----------



## SINC

Is that in west Texos?


----------



## KC4

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican grill.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and fajitas would whirl.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican grill,
Sal Monella was her name.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's latrina;
Music would play and fajitas would whirl ...
Boy did they whirl ...

'Scuse me. I'll be barf


----------



## Kazak

Well, that would explain the deep burning pain in your si-i-i-i-i-ide.


----------



## KC4

Loco Paco's Deep Discount Goat "Fajitas" are called "Go Fast Heavers" for a reason you know. 

Cheep to buy!
(More expensive to pay for)


----------



## Kazak

Goat Fajitas.
Goat Directly Fajitas.
Do Not Pass Goat. (please)
Do Not Collect $200.


----------



## Chris

John o' Groats


----------



## SINC

Ah yes, my man's journal.


----------



## KC4

No, we definitely have not seen your lemon meringue pie!​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> View attachment 15680
> 
> No, we definitely have not seen your lemon meringue pie!​


What we call a lemon meringue lie.

Anyway, the pigs needed to eat the pie because they do all the brainwork for the farm. You wouldn't want Jones to come back, would you?


----------



## Ena

Jones?

Last seen having too much fun on that wonderfully twisted Groat Road in Edmonton.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## Kazak

Let them eat cheese!


----------



## screature

Mmmmm... cheese.....


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

kazak said:


> let them eat cheese!







​


----------



## Kazak

I've got a bone to part with him.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Most humerus.


----------



## Ena

tibia of the iceberg


----------



## Kazak

Don't believe her; she's fibulaing.


----------



## The Doug

To the maxilla.


----------



## Ena

well tempered clavicle by Bach


----------



## SINC

I'll be Bach . . .


----------



## Kazak

First we take California . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm glad it's someone else's fault.


----------



## SINC

Just like Fawlty Towers. Poor Miguel.


----------



## Greenman

...


----------



## Kazak

Start the revolution without me.


----------



## Chris

You'll have to forgive him; he's from Barcelona.


----------



## Kazak

You should never go to bars alone, eh?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Only a looney bar none would go to saloon bars alone in Barcelona.


----------



## Ena

Today's ear worm brought to you by Freddie Mercury/Queen and "Barcelona"


----------



## Kazak

Ear worm connected to the . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... ear wax.


----------



## Kazak

Lizzie Borden


----------



## The Doug

41


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Close.


----------



## Kazak

Open.


----------



## SINC

Shouldn't one knock?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

One kiss and they create a black hole that consumes the planet in seconds.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes.

And speaking of which, did Stalin really say that civilising Poland is like trying to saddle a cow?

If not, why not?


----------



## SINC

Apparently it is too easy to do:


----------



## Kazak

"A Week at the Races"


----------



## Ena

The fascinator brigade will be out in full force.


----------



## Dr.G.

Ena said:


> The fascinator brigade will be out in full force.


The Charge of the Light Brigade ........... atop heavy horses.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

SINC said:


> Apparently it is too easy to do:


Stalin would have loved Photoshop. It would have saved all that time consuming airbrushing-out of photies that went on when a comrade became a non-comrade.


----------



## SINC

I see, you prefer the non photoshop variety. OK then:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I prefer neither the one over the other nor the other over the one. I rest my case and throw myself on the mercy of the quart.

I can't really speak for Stalin, hence my original question ... which remains unanswered.


----------



## Kazak

I thought it was a rhetorical question, and you were just Stalin.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Stalin for time?


----------



## Kazak

Exstashly.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One way of Putin it.


----------



## Kazak

I was Putin it in the Lenin closet.


----------



## chuckster

And then it Trotsky'd right back out again.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Before it went Romanov down the road.


----------



## Kazak

But always home in time for Brezhnev. (ouch)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Which reminds me - regarding the long-awaited visit of Pope Benedict XVI to the UK, I have learned that I shall have to leave my collection of whistles at home should I wish to attend one of his gigs. Whistles have been deemed to "pose a threat", according to the Catholic Church. I am also banned from hauling along my usual miscellany of gazebos, animals, musical instruments, alcohol, candles, bicycles and BBQs. (Flags and battery powered torches have received the imprimatur, I'm glad to say. I shall be laundering my Jolly Roger to mark the occasion.)

Comrade Brezhnev, a bit of a b**stard on the quiet, never ever issued such a fussy list of no-no's when he went visiting.


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> (Flags and battery powered torches have received the imprimatur, I'm glad to say. I shall be laundering my Jolly Roger to mark the occasion.)


Bravo SQ. Everyone has their own cross to bear. 

Arrgh Benny, have ye ever bin to sea?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And, why, precisely, are pirates called 'pirates'?


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And, why, precisely, are pirates called 'pirates'?


Because of the rigorous exercise program they follow to keep fit on board: piarrrrrrates. (say it with a long E)


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is that what they told you?

I thought it's because it's what they arrrrr. (Or at least that's what _they_ told me.)


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> And, why, precisely, are pirates called 'pirates'?


Its Greek descendant “pieran” meant “to attempt” as well as “to attack,” and eventually we had the Latin form “pirata,” which meant “attacker" or "robber”.

Now, why do some people call "dachshunds" "dash-hounds"???


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> Now, why do some people call "dachshunds" "dash-hounds"???


Hyphen no idea.


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> Now, why do some people call "dachshunds" "dash-hounds"???


Perhaps you answered your own question: dash*-*hounds.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Hyphen no idea.


I put the hyphen is to omit a double h. They are also called "teckle dogs" ....................... the favorite dog of pirates.


----------



## Kazak

Ahoy therrre. Best bewarrre of Short John Doxie, Scourge of the Seven Pees.


----------



## KC4

And here he is! 

Watch out, I think he's flying the Jolly Rover! Ye better be prepared to hand over all of your buried treasure.


Or just let him dig it up. 

He rather enjoys that.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Ahoy therrre. Best bewarrre of Short John Doxie, Scourge of the Seven Pees.


:lmao::clap::lmao:

Yes, especially after a night of drinking grog.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> And here he is!
> 
> Watch out, I think he's flying the Jolly Rover! Ye better be prepared to hand over all of your buried treasure.
> 
> 
> Or just let him dig it up.
> 
> He rather enjoys that.


Cool ............


----------



## Kazak

Ahoy there, Drrrrr. G. Looks like yer crew needs a bit of the hair o' the dog.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Ahoy there, Drrrrr. G. Looks like yer crew needs a bit of the hair o' the dog.


Yes, it is sad when the conk out and have to be carried back to their cabin.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Weevils!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Weevils!


...wobble but they don't fall down.


----------



## The Doug

Heh. They will when I'm finished with 'em.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

My mistake, I meant Weebls. It's all that cheese ...


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

He'll have to wear a Cowell to cover that up.


----------



## KC4

More Cowbell!


----------



## SINC

Si, mon cow elle.


----------



## KC4

How udderly mooving.


----------



## SINC

C'est la vie. She goes one way or the udder.


----------



## Kazak

Is 15% enough to tip a cow?


----------



## SINC

Cow tipping is udder chaos.


----------



## Kazak

Cowos? Or, for ehMacers, CowOS?

Yes, I can see it now: OS 10.7: Snow Heifer


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Staying power - that's all that is. Pure and simple. Period. End of story.


----------



## KC4

Look ma, no hands!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

If uke don't stop it, uke'll go blind.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> If uke don't stop it, uke'll go blind.


Nun of that here.


----------



## Kazak

I think you meant "nun of that."


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I think you meant "nun of that."


I did and I changed it, thanks.


----------



## SINC

Nunchucks II:


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## The Doug

Finally, an example of correct banjo technique.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hmmm. I think something's been shopped out* then the banjo's been shopped in.

* Possibly an oboe.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Hmmm. I think something's been shopped out* then the banjo's been shopped in.
> 
> * Possibly an oboe.


I get chills when I hear the oboe played in Dvorak's "New World Symphony".

YouTube - Dvorak, New World Symphony - 2nd Mvt Part 1


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> I get chills when I hear the oboe played in Dvorak's "New World Symphony".


As do I, but I think SQ wanted us to "reed" between the lines.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> As do I, but I think SQ wanted us to "reed" between the lines.


I see ............ you see ............. we all see ........... for oboes. Or is that screaming for ice cream? Whatever, chills are the final result. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> Whatever, chills are the final result.


A thermodynamically profound note, albeit a long time off.


----------



## Kazak

Don't get the Good Doctor started about his thermodynamically profound winters.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Don't get the Good Doctor started about his thermodynamically profound winters.


I've read his Thoughts On Thermodoxynamics, although Quantum Kenneling had more laughs.


----------



## KC4

Pair of Doxy call, wouldn't you say?


----------



## Kazak

You know how to whistle, don't you?


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> View attachment 15931
> 
> Pair of Doxy call, wouldn't you say?


This is a real pair of doxies. Or, put them all together and you have great guard dogs .......... our own ADT (Attack Dachshund Territory(.


----------



## The Doug

Stop making sense, stop making sense, stop making sense, making sense.


----------



## SINC

Isn't there a pet thread for this stuff? We're busy testing here.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> ... and you have great guard dogs .......... our own ADT (Attack Dachshund Territory


_Ask not what your doxy can do for you - ask what you can do for your doxy._ - J F Kenneldy


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> _Ask not what your doxy can do for you - ask what you can do for your doxy._ - J F Kenneldy


He also said, ""Ich bin ein Dachshund" ............. or something like that statement.


----------



## Kazak

Three hun-dred six-ty five degrees.


----------



## KC4

...of separation?


----------



## SINC

Want some REAL separation?


----------



## Chris

Lifts AND separates!


----------



## Kazak

Of corset does.


----------



## The Doug

Some are bound for glory whether they like it or not.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Some are bound for glory whether they like it or not.


This Train Is Bound For Glory ........ get on before it is too late and you are tested out.

YouTube - This Train Is Bound For Glory


----------



## SINC

Glory comes from daring to begin.


----------



## KC4

Get thee to a punnery!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Get thee to a punnery!


...said Hamlet to Oh-feel-me-yeah.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> ...said Hamlet to Oh-feel-me-yeah.


"Alas, poor Yorick! Too much goat."


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> "Alas, poor Yorick! Too much goat."


"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew his goat, Horatio."


----------



## Ena

Henry IV reputedly wished that each of his peasants would enjoy "a goat in his pot every Sunday."


----------



## Dr.G.

Ena said:


> Henry IV reputedly wished that each of his peasants would enjoy "a goat in his pot every Sunday."


Herbert Hoover promised "Two chickens in every pot and a car in every garage" back in 1932. He lost the presidential election to FDR ........ who did not have goats in the family estate at Hyde Park, NY.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

... and kidding him like a treat.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, everyone. 

Out of your expensive ergonomic chairs, and run in place in slo-mo, à la _Chariots of Fire_. Remember to break the tape at the end of your run. 

Repeat until your family expresses concern for your mental well-being.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Remember to break the tape at the end of your run


Okay, done, next?


----------



## KC4

I hope somebody is taping this. We may need it for evidence.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> I hope somebody is taping this. We may need it for evidence.


I'm all over it:


----------



## screature




----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> I hope somebody is taping this. We may need it for evidence.


"Book 'em, Dano."


----------



## The Doug

Hurrah for Dano, the traditional Korean holiday!


----------



## KC4

Kim Chee anyone?


----------



## Kazak

That's rather CheeKim of you.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I totally agree.


----------



## Ena

You might very well think that; I couldn't possibly comment.


----------



## Kazak

But you just did. Now I'm confused.


----------



## The Doug

And you may ask yourself - well... how did I get here?


----------



## Kazak

Well we know where we're going,
But we don't know where we've been.


----------



## SINC

I've bean had.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Well we know where we're going,
> But we don't know where we've been.


Exactamundo.

If we don't know where we are or where we've been, how can we tell what direction we are heading? Other than forward. Or perhaps that way is backwards. 
Tsk.


----------



## Kazak

Kst.


----------



## SINC

Tsk, tsk.


----------



## screature

phhhttt.


----------



## KC4

rrrrRRASPPPPBPBPBPBPBPPBPBPBPBPPBBPPTHHHHHhhhhhh....


----------



## screature

gesundheit


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Rat - a - tat-tat - tat-tat - tat - tat - a - tat.

If not, why not?


----------



## screature

bbbbbbbbecause nnnnnnot, ththththat's wwwwwhy nnnnnnot! ptptptptp ptptptptp)


----------



## Kazak

Rented a tent, a tent, a tent; 
Rented a tent, a tent, a tent. 
Rented a tent! 
Rented a tent! 
Rented a, rented a tent.


----------



## KC4

The Finale Rack approaches.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The stench will be great.


----------



## Kazak

The funk of 40,000 years.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Or the gunk of 40000 ears?


----------



## Kazak

I love it when you wax disgusting.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I love it when you wax disgusting.


"Wax on ........... wax off ........... wax on ........... wax off."

YouTube - Karate Kid Lesson 1 (Wax on Wax off)


----------



## KC4

For more whacks: Approach this person:







and hand her this:







(you may even be able to get more off)


----------



## Kazak

She's got bigger shoulders than David Byrne.


----------



## The Doug

Life during wartime will do that to you.


----------



## Kazak

I ain't got time for that now.


----------



## screature

But...We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Taking that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride....


----------



## The Doug

We are speaking in tongues.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> We are speaking in tongues.


about buildings and food.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ecclefechan Tart?


----------



## The Doug

There you go, talking about your significant other again.


----------



## KC4

Butter make it better.


----------



## The Doug

Instead of raisin hell.


----------



## Kazak

Well, if you actually need it . . .


----------



## SINC

Sometimes one needs to knead or go hungry.


----------



## KC4

Cheese Louise.


----------



## Kazak

You don't need to be coy, Roy


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... said Trigger.


----------



## KC4

Trigger Happy?


----------



## Kazak

Nah, he was hoping for Ginger.


----------



## KC4

Poor Trigger.... Long may he roan.


----------



## Chris

Ginger snaps!


----------



## screature

Here's a few....


----------



## Kazak

Though known primarily as a dancer and an actress, Ginger Rogers also had considerable skill in masonry (see picture #4 above).


----------



## Ena

Whatever happened to Bricklin Motors In NB?


----------



## screature

Ena said:


> Whatever happened to Bricklin Motors In NB?


Like Ginger... they died.


----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> Whatever happened to Bricklin Motors In NB?


I hear a tree grows there now.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And some whispering grass?


----------



## KC4

Why tell the trees what ain't so?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

'Cos the trees don't need to know.


----------



## The Doug

Your lingo has made you a star.


----------



## SINC

Maybe, but what about the lango?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## Kazak

He's Starkey staring mad.


----------



## KC4

It was a hard day's night.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> It was a hard day's night.


True ............ but luckily, they got by with a little help from their friends.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> He's Starkey staring mad.


I had a Hutch that might be the case


----------



## Kazak

I'm Starkers, he's Hunched.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I'm Starkers, he's Hunched.


So is he .............

YouTube - The Hunchback of Notre Dame 1939 PART 10


----------



## The Doug

Anne Elk doesn't have a hunch, but a theory.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And just so's you know, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.


----------



## The Doug

I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

You're so full of whimsy.


----------



## The Doug

Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Who are you?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'm just popping out for a cup of coffee and a slice of 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049951059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201065485863278865936153381827968230301952035301852968995773622599413891249721775283479131515574857242454150695950829533116861727855889075098381754637464939319255060400927701671139009848824012858361603563707660104710181942955596198946767837449448255379774726847104047534646208046684259069491293313677028989152104752162056966024058038150193511253382430035587640247496473263914199272604269922796782354781636009341721641219924586315030286182974555706749838505494588586926995690927210797509302955321165344987202755960236480665499119881834797753566369807426542527862551818417574672890977772793800081647060016145249192173217214772350141441973568548161361157352552133475741849468438523323907394143334547762416862518983569485562099219222184272550254256887671790494601653466804988627232791786085784383827967976681454100953883786360950680064225125205117392984896084128488626945604241965285022210661186306744278622039194945047123713786960956364371917287467764657573962413890865832645995813390478027590099465764078951269468398352595709825822620522489407726719478268482601476990902640136394437455305068203496252451749399651431429809190659250937221696461515709858387410597885959772975498930161753928468138268683868942774155991855925245953959431049972524680845987273644695848653836736222626099124608051243884390451244136549762780797715691435997700129616089441694868555848406353422072225828488648158456028506016842739452267467678895252138522549954666727823986456596116354886230577456498035593634568174324112515076069479451096596094025228879710893145669136867228748940560101503308617928680920874760917824938589009714909675985261365549781893129784821682998948722658804857564014270477555132379641451523746234364542858444795265867821051141354735739523113427166102135969536231442952484937187110145765403590279934403742007310578539062198387447808478489683321445713868751943506430218453191048481005370614680674919278191197939952061419663428754440643745123718192179998391015919561814675142691239748940907186494231961567945208095146550225231603881930142093762137855956638937787083039069792077346722182562599661501421503068038447734549202605414665925201497442850732518666002132434088190710486331734649651453905796268561005508106658796998163574736384052571459102897064140110971206280439039759515677157700420337869936007230558763176359421873125147120532928191826186125867321579198414848829164470609575270695722091756711672291098169091528017350671274858322287183520935396572512108357915136988209144421006751033467110314126711136990865851639831501970165151168517143765761835155650884909989859982387345528331635507647918535893226185489632132933089857064204675259070915481416549859461637180270981994309924488957571282890592323326097299712084433573265489382391193259746366730583604142813883032038249037589852437441702913276561809377344403070746921120191302033038019762110110044929321516084244485963766983895228684783123552658213144957685726243344189303968642624341077322697802807318915441101044682325271620105265227211166039666557309254711055785376346682065310989652691862056476931257058635662018558100729360659876486117910453348850346113657686753249441668039626579787718556084552965412665408530614344431858676975145661406800700237877659134401712749470420562230538994561314071127000407854733269939081454664645880797270826683063432858785698305235808933065757406795457163775254202114955761581400250126228594130216471550979259230990796547376125517656751357517829666454779174501129961489030463994713296210734043751895735961458901938971311179042978285647503203198691514028708085990480109412147221317947647772622414254854540332157185306142288137585043063321751829798662237172159160771669254748738986654949450114654062843366393790039769265672146385306736096571209180763832716641627488880078692560290228472104031721186082041900042296617119637792133757511495950156604963186294726547364252308177036751590673502350728354056704038674351362222477158915049530984448933309634087807693259939780541934144737744184263129860809988868741326047215695162396586457302163159819319516735381297416772947867242292465436680098067692823828068996400482435403701416314965897940924323789690706977942236250822168895738379862300159377647165122893578601588161755782973523344604281512627203734314653197777416031990665541876397929334419521541341899485444734567383162499341913181480927777103863877343177207545654532207770921201905166096280490926360197598828161332316663652861932668633606273567630354477628035045077723554710585954870279081435624014517180624643626794561275318134078330336254232783944975382437205835311477119926063813346776879695970309833913077109870408591337464144282277263465947047458784778720192771528073176790770715721344473060570073349243693113835049316312840425121925651798069411352801314701304781643788518529092854520116583934196562134914341595625865865570552690496520985803385072242648293972858478316305777756068887644624824685792603953527734803048029005876075825104747091643961362676044925627420420832085661190625454337213153595845068772460290161876679524061634252257719542916299193064553779914037340432875262888963995879475729174642635745525407909145135711136941091193932519107602082520261879853188770584297259167781314969900901921169717372784768472686084900337702424291651300500516832336435038951702989392233451722013812806965011784408745196012122859937162313017114448464090389064495444006198690754851602632750529834918740786680881833851022833450850486082503930213321971551843063545500766828294930413776552793975175461395398468339363830474611996653858153842056853386218672523340283087112328278921250771262946322956398989893582116745627010218356462201349671518819097303811980049734072396103685406643193950979019069963955245300545058068550195673022921913933918568034490398205955100226353536192041994745538593810234395544959778377902374216172711172364343543947822181852862408514006660443325888569867054315470696574745855033232334210730154594051655379068662733379958511562578432298827372319898757141595781119635833005940873068121602876496286744604774649159950549737425626901049037781986835938146574126804925648798556145372347867330390468838343634655379498641927056387293174872332083760112302991136793862708943879936201629515413371424892830722012690147546684765357616477379467520049075715552781965362132392640616013635815590742202020318727760527721900556148425551879253034351398442532234157623361064250639049750086562710953591946589751413103482276930624743536325691607815478181152843667957061108615331504452127473924544945423682886061340841486377670096120715124914043027253860764823634143346235189757664521641376796903149501910857598442391986291642193994907236234646844117394032659184044378051333894525742399508296591228508555821572503107125701266830240292952522011872676756220415420516184163484756516999811614101002996078386909291603028840026910414079288621507842451670908700069928212066041837180653556725253256753286129104248776182582976515795984703562226293486003415872298053498965022629174878820273420922224533985626476691490556284250391275771028402799806636582548892648802545661017296702664076559042909945681506526530537182941270336931378517860904070866711496558343434769338578171138645587367812301458768712660348913909562009939361031029161615288138437909904231747336394804575931493140529763475748119356709110137751721008031559024853090669203767192203322909433467685142214477379393751703443661991040337511173547191855046449026365512816228824462575916333039107225383742182140883508657391771509682887478265699599574490661758344137522397096834080053559849175417381883999446974867626551658276584835884531427756879002909517028352971634456212964043523117600665101241200659755851276178583829204197484423608007193045761893234922927965019875187212726750798125547095890455635792122103334669749923563025494780249011419521238281530911407907386025152274299581807247162591668545133312394804947079119153267343028244186041426363954800044800267049624820179289647669758318327131425170296923488962766844032326092752496035799646925650493681836090032380929345958897069536534940603402166544375589004563288225054525564056448246515187547119621844396582533754388569094113031509526179378002974120766514793942590298969594699556576121865619673378623625612521632086286922210327488921865436480229678070576561514463204692790682120738837781423356282360896320806822246801224826117718589638140918390367367222088832151375560037279839400415297002878307667094447456013455641725437090697939612257142989467154357846878861444581231459357198492252847160504922124247014121478057345510500801908699603302763478708108175450119307141223390866393833952942578690507643100638351983438934159613185434754649556978103829309716465143840700707360411237359984345225161050702705623526601276484830840761183013052793205427462865403603674532865105706587488225698157936789766974220575059683440869735020141020672358502007245225632651341055924019027421624843914035998953539459094407046912091409387001264560016237428802109276457931065792295524988727584610126483699989225695968815920560010165525637568


----------



## Kazak

Hope you're not traveling on √2.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I wanna be rational.


----------



## Kazak

Get real.


----------



## The Doug

I'm sure he would rather be transcendental.


----------



## Kazak

Ah yes, the universal wish to rise above one's teeth.

Well, perhaps not universal. It was Mrs. Doubtfire who said, "Carpe dentum."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Things are getting complex.


----------



## SINC

Indeed!


----------



## Kazak

Don't call me, Molecule.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Polymer?


----------



## Kazak

Sure, Robert Polymer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A man of many parts.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Not the button! Not the Gumdrop Button!


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

What a Steed!


----------



## SINC

Likely related to Steedly Dan.


----------



## Kazak

Probably more true than you intended.


----------



## The Doug

Did you have your lunch naked _again?_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Cat-holicism, or





​


----------



## Kazak

A book that has spawned many imitators.


----------



## KC4

Yes, I remember herring about that.


----------



## SINC

As long as folks don't carp about it.


----------



## The Doug

I do not believe in Cod.


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

Can't trust people who drop an entire syllable--don't get me started on Worcestershire.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Try saying 'Kirkcudbrightshire' after a night on the ketamine and Toilet Duck.


----------



## The Doug

I love a challenge! Okay, here goes.

_Kirkcudbrightshire after a night on the ketamine and Toilet Duck!_

Was that okay?


----------



## KC4

What a quack up.

It'll take a while for it to flush from your system Doug.

Do not operate any heavy machinery for a while. Take two goats with plenty of fluid and check in again with us in the morning. 

The bill is in the mail. No beaking about it, please.


----------



## The Doug

Translated for those ehMac members who are (for whatever reason, no matter how strange) in the Southern Hemisphere at this very moment.



> ˙ǝsɐǝld 'ʇı ʇnoqɐ ƃuıʞɐǝq ou ˙lıɐɯ ǝɥʇ uı sı llıq ǝɥʇ
> 
> ˙ƃuıuɹoɯ ǝɥʇ uı sn ɥʇıʍ uıɐƃɐ uı ʞɔǝɥɔ puɐ pınlɟ ɟo ʎʇuǝld ɥʇıʍ sʇɐoƃ oʍʇ ǝʞɐʇ ˙ǝlıɥʍ ɐ ɹoɟ ʎɹǝuıɥɔɐɯ ʎʌɐǝɥ ʎuɐ ǝʇɐɹǝdo ʇou op
> 
> ˙ƃnop ɯǝʇsʎs ɹnoʎ ɯoɹɟ ɥsnlɟ oʇ ʇı ɹoɟ ǝlıɥʍ ɐ ǝʞɐʇ ll,ʇı
> 
> ˙dn ʞɔɐnb ɐ ʇɐɥʍ


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> What a quack up.
> 
> Take two goats with plenty of fluid and check in again with us in the morning.


I had a *go at* understanding this thread. I flapped.


----------



## KC4




----------



## screature

The original all Canadian...


----------



## Kazak

What you need if you don't play your ook fingerstyle.


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> The original all Canadian...


Oh, the agony and embarrassment of unruly toe hair.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> What you need if you don't play your ook fingerstyle.


You can pick your friends. You can pick your ook. But you can't pick your friend's ook.


----------



## SINC

Just don't pick your knows.


----------



## Kazak

toe pick (movie reference)


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Shouldn't that be Wolf Pack, not Wolfgang?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, something of a howler.


----------



## Kazak

Das Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Das ... Jack's brother?


----------



## KC4

Das be Daniel's:


----------



## SINC

Das be Quick:


----------



## KC4

> WEST POINT, NY—According to an official statement released by the U.S. Military Academy Tuesday, six cadets are dead and 14 wounded after an unsuccessful panty raid on the women's barracks Monday night.


Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid 


> The incident marks the academy's worst horseplay-related incident since the homecoming float competition before the 2002 Army-Navy game. Three gaily decorated and heavily armed parade floats were destroyed in the pep rally, and the academy's famous library was badly damaged by incendiary shells in the confrontation, which claimed the lives of seven West Point cadets, 14 Naval Academy midshipmen, *and the Navy goat.*


Emphasis mine.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Looks like goatupuncture.

Sing along:

The chest bone connected to the brisket bone,
The brisket bone connected to the knee bone,
The knee bone connected to the, um, cannon bone bone . . .


----------



## KC4

OK... Lal la lal laaa laah..

On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round 
And they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found 
The head nurse spoke up, and she said leave this one alone 
She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone 
Bad to the bone 
Bad to the bone 
B-B-B-B-Bad to the bone 
B-B-B-B-Bad 
B-B-B-B-Bad 
Bad to the bone ...

...

....whut? I'm singing, aren't I?


----------



## SINC

Uh, you were born Georgia Thoroughlygood then?


----------



## KC4

I'm one of the Fishtroyers, baby! 
Singing coral type back-up for George, of course.

... Rock it on over....
Move over big fish
A mean little fish
is movin' in.....

Yeaahh....


----------



## SINC

Ah, one of the Goodfishes then?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Hey you kids, get out of that goat tree.


----------



## The Doug

The picture is obviously fake. Goats grow in the ground, like carrots or turnips.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And ice cream.


----------



## Kazak

And spaghetti.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

And I thought spaghetti was made from goat cheese!

You learn something new about the deficiencies of goats every day.


----------



## Kazak

And about the degoatencies of fish.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Indeed. I am not an agoationado of the nektonic hordes.


----------



## KC4

Nektonicism is a lifestyle choice that some may find Ichthy.


----------



## SINC

I'm scratchin' already.


----------



## Kazak

An ogoatial update from the Department of Too Much Information.


----------



## KC4

That's IT. It's Ogoatial. Ogo ogo Ogoatiaaal.


----------



## Kazak

Going to a goat goat, everybody's
Going to a goat goat . . .


----------



## SINC

Everyone who has gone to the goat ells me is is very sandy and dry.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> is is


Egyptian goddesses rule.

(or is that goatesses?)


----------



## The Doug

*Bonne fête Monsieur Kazaque!*


----------



## SINC

Bah, let them eat cake.


----------



## KC4

Happy GoatDay Kazak! 

You don't look that ruff, considering you're 336 years old.


----------



## Kazak

Grassy oats, amigoats. The last two hundred years have been a blur.

Happy birthday to all the other New Year's babies aging up this week and last.


----------



## Kazak

Doug, if that cake decoration is called "A Couple of Old Goats," my fiancée might like a word with you.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Doug, if that cake decoration is called "A Couple of Old Goats," my fiancée might like a word with you.


Hopefully, today at least, she has 48 of them for you.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Doug, if that cake decoration is called "A Couple of Old Goats," my fiancée might like a word with you.


This goata be good. 

(Pulls up lawn chair, pops popcorn, grabs a soda) 

Sluuurrp.


----------



## Kazak

Let's not be hasty. It could also be "A Couple of Horn(èd) Kids."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Wha...? Where...? Haemorrhoid kids?

If they start acting up, sit on 'em.


----------



## The Doug

Sitting on your unruly kids is so passé. Nowadays you're supposed to update your Facebook and Twitter accounts so everyone knows they're acting up. You could also make a placard for your goat to wear, and take a nice long stroll about town. This old-fashioned approach is sure to be a hit with the older crowd who think that the "internet" is some kind of fishing implement, or perhaps an exotic brand of stockings normally available only in select boutiques in Marseilles.


----------



## Kazak

The internet is not some kind of fishing implement?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> The internet is not some kind of fishing implement?


A perfectly understandable notion. After all, the Morse Code was used to trap mice for many years.


----------



## KC4

Hmmm, hmmm, hummmmm...

We're caught in a net
I can't swim out 
Because I glub you too much baby 

Why can't you sea 
What you're doing to me 
When you don't believe a curd I say? 

We can't go on together 
With suspicious rinds 
And we can't build our breams 
On suspicious rinds 

So, if an old cheddar I know 
Drops by to say hello 
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes? 

Here we go again 
Asking what I've eaten 
You can't see these tears are real 
I'm crying 

We can't go snack together 
With suspicious rinds 
And we can't swim our streams 
On suspicious rinds 

Oh, let our glub survive 
Oh, dry the tears from your eyes 
Let's don't let a good cheese string die 

When honey, you know 
I’ll always divide it equally in two
Mmm yeah, yeah 

Yeahhhhh....MMMmmmmm..


----------



## Kazak

"Suspicious Rinds": another cheesy track from the krillion-selling Sea-D "Silly Glub Songs" by KC4 and the Diffused Light Band. Buy now and receive the bonus track "Your Fish is on My List," originally recorded by Hall and Goats.


----------



## KC4

L. Phish Perchly was the first to make this tuna commercially successful.


----------



## SINC

Wasn't he also a piano tuna?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The answer we've all been waiting for - tomorrow is 10/10/10, which, as you all know, is 42 in base 2.

No doubt we'll also have an explanation to all the fishy goat cheese generated by this thread. Now, where's my rubber mallet?


----------



## Kazak

You rubber mallet . . . oh, never mind.

Try Bob Seger, he used to play with the Rubber Mallet Band.


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, I thought that was Billy Rae Cyrus? Oh no, wait, that was the Rubber Mullet Band.


----------



## Kazak

You rubber mullet . . . oh, never mind.


----------



## SINC

Just tryin' ta rubber in, so to speak.


----------



## Kazak

Nasty, nasty image.


----------



## KC4

Is that really percussion to this discussion? 

I'm getting a concussion.


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

I am an Animal
My teeth are sharp and my mouth is full


----------



## SINC

So it is:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Nobody believed me, but you'll all be sorry . . .


----------



## The Doug

They say they don’t need money. They’re living on nuts and berries.


----------



## Kazak

I can't get used to this lifestyle.


----------



## SINC

Me neither, especially the nuts.


----------



## KC4

Shouldn't have had the hossenfeffer.


----------



## SINC

It's the effluvium that nose.


----------



## Kazak

You'll wonder where the effluent
When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.


----------



## SINC

A little dab'll do ya.


----------



## Kazak

Yabba dabba doo.


----------



## KC4

yeah, but...yeah, but...


----------



## Kazak

Hey, Abbott . . .


----------



## KC4

That's goating to Costello you.....


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> That's goating to Costello you.....


I'm a b-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad boy!


----------



## screature

Elvis Costello...


----------



## Macfury

.


----------



## screature

^^^ Who 'dat...? hint... hint...


----------



## Macfury

screature said:


> ^^^ Who 'dat...? hint... hint...


"Elvis Costello's" botanical partner.


----------



## Kazak

Citizen Abbott


----------



## Dr.G.

Citizen Kane.


----------



## KC4

Kane and Abbott. Weren't they the wandering comedic pair with the deadpan delivery?


----------



## Kazak

Yep, the former was the funnier of the two, so it could often be said that Kane slew Abbott.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Yep, the former was the funnier of the two, so it could often be said that Kane slew Abbott.


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## The Doug

I still listen to some Abbott tracks on my iPod now and then. Anni, Björn, Benny, Olaf, Tors, and of course, Terrill. Thank you for the music.


----------



## Kazak

Olaf, Tors, and Terrill were also three founding members of _The Swedles_, the seminal band from Cesspööl, whose fortunes skyrocketed after they replaced original drummer Brät Würst with the incomparable Roscoe.

Who can forget such Swedles classics as _I Want to Hold Your Blonde, All You Need is Ice, She Loves Us (Jä Jä Jä), Swedish Wood, Let it Freeze,_ and, from Olaf's solo career, _Give the Sedins a Chance_?

And all those white albums . . .


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> ...classics as _I Want to Hold Your Blonde, All You Need is Ice, She Loves Us (Jä Jä Jä), Swedish Wood, Let it Freeze,_...


What about _Lutfisk In The Sky With Salmon_ and _Curious Yellow Submarine?_


----------



## KC4

What about:
Hey Jööd, Hard Cheese Night, Elinor Rigbjorn and my fave, Happiness is a Warm Gunther.


----------



## The Doug

_Hjälp!_ was a great album and such a funny film (would have even been funnier if Ingmar Bergman had directed as the band originally wanted).


----------



## Kazak

Of course, they owed much of their success to their producer Fjörd Martin and their manager Brün Beerstein.


----------



## Kazak

Remember the banned album cover for _Beat the Swedles_?


----------



## The Doug

Don't you still keep yours under your mattress?

Then there was Tors' infamous _"...we're more popular than McDonald's..."_ statement.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Remember the banned album cover for _Beat the Swedles_?


Remember it? I _have_ it...framed on the wall right next to my velvet Elvis.

That Swedles album cover has quite a grand display of instruments, nicely arranged. 

So sad it all had to be pulled because the rest of the world was experiencing Swedish Culture shock.

(Just listening to Maxwell's Silver Herring on their Abba Road album right now)


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Then there was Tors' infamous _"...we're more popular than McDonald's..."_ statement.


I thought that was Olaf. Tors was the Cüte Swedle, and the subject of the Tors is Dëäd rumours. At the end of _Ikea Feels Like Forever,_ did Olaf say, "I buried Tors" or "Lingonberry Sauce," as he maintained? And why is Tors not wearing snowshoes on the _Abba Road_ cover?


----------



## screature

How Swede it is....


----------



## Kazak

She got monkey earring
She shoot herring milkshake

from _Cöme Tö Get Her_


----------



## Kazak

We Can Wörk it Out (An öde to the Pöang chair)

from the album _Gårdagen och Idag_

Try to build it my way,
Do I have to twist this wrench till I can’t twist no more?
If you build it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that your butt may hit the floor.

We can wörk it out,
We can wörk it out.

Think of what you’re doing,
You can mess things up and use brute force to sink those screws.
Think of what I’m doing,
We can line things up and get them straight, or not, you choose.

We can wörk it out,
We can wörk it out.

This piece is too short, and there’s no time
To go back to the store, dear wife.
I have always feared that melamine
Will someday dominate my life.

Try to build it my way,
After all it’s just a stupid, simple, curvy chair.
If we can’t find a way,
How’re we gonna build the Billy bookcases downstairs?

We can wörk it out,
We can wörk it out.

This piece is too short, and there’s no time
To go back to the store, dear wife.
I have always feared that melamine
Will someday dominate my life.

Try to build it my way,
I’m sure that that’s a place no Ällen key belongs.
If you build it your way,
There’s a chance the chair might fall apart before too long.

We can wörk it out,
We can wörk it out.


----------



## The Doug

Tack själv. Så pass sång är stickat i min sinne!


----------



## Kazak

Du är välkommen.

And when you get that one cleared out, I have two words for you: Johnny Horton.


----------



## KC4

Ode to Pöang chair... That's äwesöm. Especially like the line, "I’m sure that that’s a place no Ällen key belongs" 

I will now never be able to hear the Beatles version without thinking of these new lyrics. Ja, tack själv för minnen Kaz.


La la laaa....
Tsk. 
Hmm hmm hmmm..

Where the river is winding,
Big buggies they're finding.
North to Alaska,
They're goin' North, the fish is on. 

Way up Norrrtth...
NORTH!.....

ack.


----------



## The Doug

KC4 said:


> ...ack.


Surely you meant to say *åck*. Or perhaps *äck*?


----------



## KC4

173 Matches. 
Hmmm.... 
Nope. I meant ack, definitely *ack*.​


----------



## The Doug

Okay, but that's what happens when you play with matches.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Okay, but that's what happens when you play with matches.


.


----------



## Kazak

But why are they sweating?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

For those of you using default settings, Adolf appears here on page 666. There's actually no music coming through those headphones; he just has a tic.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Translation: You will squeal with pleasure as I fill your lap with nose bananas.

(Not recommended as a pick-up line.)


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"How can all this fruit be free?"


----------



## KC4

Lack Table/Stand:







Lack Shield/quad jouster:







Lack Boot rack/dryer:







For $7.99, I must say, there is no Lack of options.


----------



## Kazak

For $4.99, you can get the Escher Lack. It's cheaper because you can't put it down anywhere.

(I expect the 2nd iteration above was popularized by Sir Lancelot du Lack.)


----------



## Kazak

Lancelot, of course, being one of the Knights of the, um, never mind.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Back to apples again.

"Take your clothes off"
- Paul Simon


----------



## SINC

OK, but you're not gonna like it . . .


----------



## The Doug

How organic!


----------



## KC4

How ripe. Gives new meaning to cheek apples.


----------



## Chris

Cheeky monkeys!


----------



## Kazak

No, no, no. You can't encourage her like that. I know the kind of picture she's going to post now. Curse Desmond Morris.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Naked Grape






​


----------



## SINC

Surely we aren't going to wine about a grape?


----------



## KC4

There's another more serious issue to grape about: 








The seedy details here.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Happy Birthday, oh fishy one. I have three wishes for you:
1. I hope no one beans you with a watermelon.
2. I hope no one gives you a plaid couch.
3. I hope you don't sprout bad facial hair.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, oh fishy one. I have three wishes for you:
> 1. I hope no one beans you with a watermelon.
> 2. I hope no one gives you a plaid couch.
> 3. I hope you don't sprout bad facial hair.


Too late, Kazak. The birthday boy sprouted bad facial hair on the last full moon.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, oh fishy one. I have three wishes for you:
> 1. I hope no one beans you with a watermelon.
> 2. I hope no one gives you a plaid couch.
> 3. I hope you don't sprout bad facial hair.


Thank you! 
1. Melon to melon contact is not anticipated, however I see many limes have appeared on the kitchen counter.
2. I already have one, thanks.
3. Me too, but I'm sure that's coming eventually. Nothing a little wax and/or alcohol couldn't fix.


Things have been mighty strange around here (well, stranger than usual). Perhaps I am paranoid, but I am concerned about this parked outside my house...


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, oh fishy one. I have three wishes for you:
> 1. I hope no one beans you with a watermelon.
> 2. I hope no one gives you a plaid couch.
> 3. I hope you don't sprout bad facial hair.


Thank you! 
1. Melon to melon contact is not anticipated, however I see many limes and tequila have appeared on the kitchen counter.
2. I already have one, thanks.
3. Me too, but I'm sure that's coming eventually. Nothing a little wax and/or alcohol couldn't fix.


Things have been mighty strange around here (well, stranger than usual). Perhaps I am paranoid, but I am concerned about this parked outside my house...


----------



## Kazak

You are not paranoid. Be afraid . . .


----------



## KC4

Gotta getta goat.


----------



## Kazak

Your goat didn't get got on your 50th?

Re: your sig. Ms. Mannes (pun intended) seems to imply that we're done at 50. I hope to still be creating myself after that--when I eventually get there, of course.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Your goat didn't get got on your 50th?


Yes, that's why I need a new one. 



Kazak said:


> Re: your sig. Ms. Mannes (pun intended) seems to imply that we're done at 50. I hope to still be creating myself after that--when I eventually get there, of course.


Indeed. I consider myself only half baked at times. What I like about MM's quote is the notion that being in your 50s (and beyond) is significantly superior to being younger.... say, in your 40s. Just ask Jack. 

He loves it when people axe him questions.


----------



## Kazak

He don't know Jack.


----------



## KC4

I do. The whole family, Monterey, Pepper and little Colby.


----------



## Kazak

Colby, Colby
I'll never let you go until you're moldy, moldy,
Then I'll throw you out, but till then Colby, Colby,
I'll melt your heart 'cause I'm in love with you.


----------



## SINC

Sounds like cheese whiz to me.


----------



## Kazak

I'll have some synthetic goat's milk with my processed cheese food, pleez. Oh, and maybe some imitation crab.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I'll have some synthetic goat's milk
> with my processed cheese food, pleez.
> Oh, and maybe some imitation crab.


Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,
 Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee
 And hush'd with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber, 
Than in the perfumed chambers of the great,
 Under the canopies of costly state, 
And lull'd with sound of sweetest melody?


----------



## Kazak

What is "It's better to be poor"? I'll have Impotent Potentates for $200, Alex.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> What is "It's better to be poor"? I'll have Impotent Potentates for $200, Alex.


----------



## SINC

Goats Sacrificed To Fix Nepal Jet:

A goat offering is a holy act for Hindu devotees

Nepal's state-run airline has confirmed that it sacrificed two goats to appease a Hindu god, following technical problems with one of its aircraft.

Nepal Airlines said the animals were slaughtered in front of the plane - a Boeing 757 - at Kathmandu airport.

The offering was made to Akash Bhairab, the Hindu god of sky protection, whose symbol is seen on the company's planes.

The airline said that after Sunday's ceremony the plane successfully completed a flight to Hong Kong.

I'm goating to get out of here now.


----------



## Kazak

Re: SQ's disturbing pic.

Yes, kiddies, this is where small planes come from. The stork doesn't bring them.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> Yes, kiddies, this is where small planes come from. The stork doesn't bring them.


The truth is – planes aren't driven by 'pilots', they're ridden by jockeys. But ... sshhh ... don't tell anyone, for fear of mass panic.


----------



## Kazak

So every time we fly, the jockey's on us. Sounds like an old goat's tail to me.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak Kazak bo Bazak, banana fanna fo Fazak, fe fi mo Mazak. Kazak!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug The Doug bo Be Doug, banana fanna fo Fe Doug, fe fi mo Me Doug. The Doug!


----------



## The Doug

Snapple Quaffer Snapple Quaffer bo Bapple Quaffer, banana fanna fo Fapple Quaffer, fe fi mo Mapple Quaffer. Snapple Quaffer!

Please, _please_ - hold your applause - I am now exhausted and must nap. I look forward to receiving your warmest wishes during the autograph session in the lobby later this evening. Thank you.


----------



## Kazak

SINC, SINC, bo BINC, banana fanna fo FINC, fe fi mo MINC. SINC!


----------



## SINC

Try that with the fishy one!


----------



## Kazak

KC4, KC4, bo BayC4, banana fanna fo FayC4, fe fi mo MayC4. KC4!

Child's play.

Chris, Chris, bo Bris, banana fanna fo Fris, fe fi mo Mris. Chris!

I said Bris. Ha ha ha ha ha. Just a little off the top.


----------



## KC4

De Doug Doug Doug, de dah dah dah 
Is all I want to say to ya....


----------



## KC4

Ah, Ka Ka Ka Ka Kazak aran
Ka Ka Ka Ka Kazak aran

Oh Kazak aran, take my hand
Kazak aran
You got me rockin' and a-rollin'
Rockin' and a-reelin'
Kazak aran Ka Ka
Ka Kazak aran......


----------



## Kazak

Tried SQ,
Tried Dougy-doo,
Tried the fishy, too,
But I knew they wouldn't do . . .


----------



## KC4

SINC (Think) SINC (Think) SINC (Think)
SINC (Think) SINC (Think) SINC (Think)

You better think (SINC) think about what you're trying to do to me
Yeah, think (SINC SINC) let your mind go, let yourself be free

Oh freedom (Free GUM!), freedom (FREE GUM!), freedom, yeah Free GUM!
Freedom (FREE GUM!), freedom (FREE GUM!), freedom, ooh FREE GUM!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Settle down at the back!


----------



## Kazak

And the #1 reason why there are no Matrix parades: ^^^


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Can't say anything that won't get me in trouble, so . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Guilty.


----------



## Kazak

How'd you guess?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Eye Of Time sees all.


----------



## KC4

Not if a good buddy punches in for you.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Always have backup plan.


----------



## Kazak

Back up!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Always.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

But not all at the same time.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Quantumthermodynamically speaking.


----------



## The Doug

I think you are the only one here who speaks quantumthermodynamics. The poetry must be heartbreakingly beautiful, even if it is räthër bërëft of ümläüts änd whätnøt.


----------



## Kazak

what remains 
of thermodynamics if 
one goes 
to the extreme limit 
of 
small 
quantum systems 
having 
a few degrees of 
freedom? 

if thermodynamics applies 
at this level, 
does 
the second law of thermodynamics 
remain 
unchanged, 
or is there 
a 
more 
universal formulation 
than 
the many 
existing formulations, 
such as 
the 
e
n
t
r
o
p
y
of a closed 
system 
cannot decrease; 
heat flows 
from high 
to 
low 
temperature; 
systems evolve 
towards 
minimum 
potential energy 
wells; 
energy tends to 
d i s s i p a t e; 
and sö øn.


----------



## The Doug

Svårmod!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... åđ ĭñfīňiŧûm¿


----------



## KC4

utmärkt!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

supermärkt!


----------



## The Doug

shøppng?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ja. Yuengyions pferr der seenisussies und pfpharmaceuticles pferr der cuticules.


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Yuengyions pferr der seenisussies und pfpharmaceuticles pferr der cuticules.


If you decode this, you will have a complete list of all the V-2 targets in England.

A bit late, perhaps.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> If you decode this, you will have a complete list of all the V-2 targets in England.
> 
> A bit late, perhaps.


Again with Covington??? Well, sadly, the Allies will match your raids with a firebombing raid on Dresden.


----------



## Kazak

So it goes.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> So it goes.


Such is Life.


----------



## The Doug

Do nøt click here.


----------



## SINC

Or here either.


----------



## KC4

Døø nøøt løøk døøn:


----------



## Kazak

There are no dancing bananas in the picture above. If you see any, please seek immediate medical attention.


----------



## Kazak

Thr r n vwls n th pst bv. f y s ny, pls sk mmdt mdcl ttntn.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

oe o ae o oe oe o ae o ooa.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Walcum to vowel land, population 5. Check your consonants at the door. The one-page dictionary is available in exchange for a small goat.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The first results from the Large Handron Collider!


----------



## KC4

Oooo0OOOOOooooOOOO!


----------



## Kazak

Well, I guess what know what's in the middle.^^^


----------



## KC4

Cheerios!


----------



## Chris

Are you having a vowel movement, dear?


----------



## Kazak

I think it's much ado about nothing.


----------



## KC4

Chris said:


> Are you having a vowel movement, dear?


Better than being consonantipated, honey.


----------



## SINC

Y s ind d.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> Y s ind d.


First Pluto, now this!

Grammarians reeled today at the news that the letter "I" has apparently been stripped of its status as a vowel. The movement to devowelify the ninth letter has been traced to a retired journalist living in Alberta, Canada. In related news, the push for full-vowel status for the letter "Y" is gathering steam, thanks in large part to a shadowy group calling itself The Rhythm Method.


----------



## KC4

Tsk!
Who has the guts to disemvowel "I"?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes! Who has the goats?


----------



## Kazak

Söm hår gëttër?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ja!

Some hae goats they canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it;
But we hae goats, and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.


----------



## Macfury

on yonder hill,
there stood a goat
it's gone remote,
it must have shifted."


----------



## Dr.G.

I never saw a purple goat,
And I never hope to see one.
But I can tell you anyhow, 
That I would rather see than be one.


----------



## SINC

I have to get goating
So I don't have much time
To find a goat story 
Or bother to rhyme


----------



## Kazak

An important part of my personal philosophy:

Could you, would you, with a goat? 
I would not, could not, with a goat! 

(Growing up in urban environments, this was a fairly easy rule by which to live.)


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> An important part of my personal philosophy:
> 
> Could you, would you, with a goat?
> I would not, could not, with a goat!
> 
> (Growing up in urban environments, this was a fairly easy rule by which to live.)


Kazak, guess you did not eat green eggs and ham either.


----------



## SINC

Nor groat eggs and ham.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Oh My. I bet this guy was a real challenge as a toddler. 
"Hey, has anyone seen the cat?"


----------



## Kazak

I wonder how old he was when he ate his own hair?


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I wonder how old he was when he ate his own hair?


Bearly ate.


----------



## Kazak

As I always say, "Bearly ate than never."


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Bet ya had to fish around for that one.


----------



## KC4

Woot! Good one Doug - A Fro Mo Pro Mo!


----------



## Kazak

May I suggest a Bro Fro Mo Pro Mo, Yo?


----------



## Kazak

Okay, a slo bro fro mo pro mo, yo. And that's my final offer.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Okay, a slo bro fro mo pro mo, yo. And that's my final offer.


Maybe one more "yo"?


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Dr.G.

"Maybe one more "yo"? " One more yo .............. well, that might be Yo Yo Ma ......... or his mother, MaMa Ma. 

YouTube - Yo-Yo Ma The Swan Saint-Saens


----------



## Kazak

I guess The Who knew her:

Ma-Ma-Ma, Ma-Ma-Ma, My Generation


----------



## KC4

Was she related to The Knack's Ma Ma Ma My Sharona?


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Was she related to The Knack's Ma Ma Ma My Sharona?


Yep and a sister to the green eyed lady by Sugerloaf.


----------



## Kazak

Ma ma ma ma
Ma ma ma ma
Da da da da
Da da da da
La la la la
La la la la
Oom bop a doom

- Paul Simon


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Goat humour*






​


----------



## Kazak

So what? Goats don't fake it? Or is this yet another odd Scots idiom?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Fake what? That is the question.


----------



## SINC

I'll be watchin' for that answer.


----------



## Kazak

This much is clear: Billy fakes it. ^^^


----------



## KC4

Which way you goin' Billy?
Can I goat too?
Which way you goin' Billy?
Can I go with ewe?


----------



## Kazak

Ah yes, Terry Jacks and his siblings Susan, Jumping, One-Eyed, Hi, Black, and even Billy.


----------



## SINC

Not to mention his long lost cousin who cannot climb, Floor Jack.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

*Pulp Jam Error>> Pulp Jam Error>>
Imminent Straw Collapse FAILURE!*


----------



## Kazak

So the straw will fail to collapse?


----------



## SINC

Yep, pretty much . . .


----------



## Kazak

Watch the bovine dine and hear the porcine whine.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yeah, that was some party.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Essential ingredient for that trippy duck recipe ... read on.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

That's an infectious tune.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Could be catchy.


----------



## SINC

I sure hope I don't catch it.


----------



## Kazak

In our culture, when we have important social messages to communicate to the world, we rely on movie franchises such as Fast & Furious, and Jackass.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

One can but admire our friends in Japan for the delight with which they celebrate their various bodily malfunctions.

As noted by fjnmusic elsewhere, "Keep your friends close—and your enemas closer."


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> "Keep your friends close—and your enemas closer."


Spoiler alert for the sequel!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Perfect Storm, starring George Coloony.


----------



## KC4

Bridget Jones Diarrhea, starring Runny Tailwagger


----------



## SINC

Ever read "Trail Across The Desert" by Diarrhea Dick?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Rawhide with ramrod Rowdy Yates.


----------



## The Doug

Scootloose starring uh whatever that guy's name is.


----------



## screature

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> Ever read "Trail Across The Desert" by Diarrhea Dick?


Ah, memories of Grade Six.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Ah, memories of Grade Six.


Indeed, along with Open Kimona by Seymour Heirs.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, and _Rubber Sheets_ by I. P. Nightly.

I didn't say they were fond memories.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

_My Life Among Cannibals_, by Henrietta Mann.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Yes, and _Rubber Sheets_ by I. P. Nightly.
> 
> I didn't say they were fond memories.


:lmao:


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> +
> YouTube Video
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


Call an ambulance Please.
I feel feverfish and slappish.


----------



## Kazak

"An ambulance please."


----------



## SINC

Reminds me of another oldy. 

A beatnik walking along a street comes upon a man lying bleeding on the road, hit by a car. The victim looks up at the beatnik and says, 'call me an ambulance, please.'

The beatnik responded, 'Crazy Daddy, you're an ambulance.'


----------



## The Doug

Hmm. 

One of us lives in B.C. 

Just sayin'.


----------



## KC4

Uh huh, verrrry interestink.

It would only take a few minutes to goat from Chilliwack to Langley. 

Ya know, FWIW.


----------



## Kazak

Half an hour by car--who knows how long by goat.

“Many of these goats have been medicated.” (So they'd fit right in, here in the Test thread.)

"Mary Kate – a Nigerian Dwarf worth $1,000." (Look for a decrease in spam.)

"The miniature dairy goat would hang off of people’s arms and dance with them." (In Grade Ten, I had a girl hang off my arm, by her teeth, because I wouldn't dance with her. She left marks. She was from Calgary, FWIW.)


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Half an hour by car--who knows how long by goat.


By Goat, I think you are right!



Kazak said:


> “Many of these goats have been medicated.” (So they'd fit right in, here in the Test thread.)


So, what are you sayin' here? 



Kazak said:


> "Mary Kate – a Nigerian Dwarf worth $1,000." (Look for a decrease in spam.)


Or an increase, if it's the canned variety.



Kazak said:


> "The miniature dairy goat would hang off of people’s arms and dance with them." (In Grade Ten, I had a girl hang off my arm, by her teeth, because I wouldn't dance with her. She left marks. She was from Calgary, FWIW.)


Yes, we have good dental plans here:


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> “Many of these goats have been medicated.” (So they'd fit right in, here in the Test thread.)





KC4 said:


> So, what are you sayin' here?


I'm not saying anything.

And neither am I.


----------



## The Doug

Gracie is pregnant.


----------



## KC4

That's a whale of an announcement!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Get the podcast.


----------



## SINC

Or get your goat . . .


----------



## Kazak

Certainly a couple of cute kids, but that's not Chilliwack.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> ... but that's not Chilliwack.


OK, how about this?

Ever since she left me
I sure feel all alone
A little misunderstanding
I can't get her on the telephone
Hanging out down on Main Street
Living in a different world
Standing around with the herd on the corner
Talking about my goat

My goat - She was the world to me
She's gone - Away across the street
My goat - Is just a memory
She's been so long away

She didn't have to leave me
She didn't have to run
She didn't have to go without a word to anyone
I hope she's doing all right
I goat no way to know
Unless she gets to hear this song
Hear it on the radio

My goat - She was the world to me
She's gone - And that's a tragedy
My goat - Is just a memory
She's been so long away

I hope she goats the message
Goat to get her back, you know
Gonna track her down, I'll find that goat
Gonna tell her that I love her so
Put the word on the grapevine
Spread it all around the world
Sooner or later I know I'm gonna get her
I'm talking about my goat
My goat

My goat, my goat, my goat , my goat, my goat, my goaaaaat, my goaaat, my gooooaaat…..


----------



## Kazak

You forgot the baritone part:

a goat goat goat, she's been a goat so long, she's been a goat goat goat so long


----------



## SINC

And now for something completely different, but testy nevertheless:


----------



## Kazak

Before my time.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Before my time.


Your sig would seem to suggest it wasn't.


----------



## Kazak

I was thinking that, too. I certainly remember test patterns, but ones with iconic Chiefs on them may have been discarded in my childhood or earlier.

So you goat me on that one.


----------



## SINC

So long, it's been goat to know you. (An old ditty you may not recall either.)


----------



## KC4

Is it a plane? Is it a bird? No, It's a


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*Famous goats*

Lance Corporal William Windsor, 1st Battalion, the Royal Welsh Regiment, whose fame has spread far and wide.

(Rumour has it that he was threatened with demotion to the Intelligence Corps.)


----------



## Kazak

Ahoy, mateys.

I've been singing the chorus to Supertramp's "Just Another Nervous Wreck" with a pirate accent (and a gruff voice), and the end bit is especially good, so sing along with me now:

Soldiaaarrrrrrr
Sailaaarrrrrrr
Who's yaaarrrrrrrr
Tailaaarrrrrrrr?
They'll run for covaaarrrrrrrr
When they discovaaarrrrrrrr
Everyone's a naaarrrrrrvous wreck now.

Thank'ee. Back to yaaarrrrr posts, now.


----------



## SINC

Whatever you do, don't press number 9.

mistertweakathon


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Kazak said:


> I've been singing the chorus to Supertramp's "Just Another Nervous Wreck" with a pirate accent (and a *gruff* voice), and the end bit is especially good, so ...


Aye


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

*You have to set limits*






​


----------



## KC4

Oh, Brother, that's dis-Grimm-ination.


----------



## Kazak

If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.

If you give a goat a car, he'll eat it down to the chassis, then drive angry.

(If you are overwhelmed by the profundity and simplicity of this adage, you are free to use it; just attribute it to me, please.)


----------



## KC4




----------



## SINC

I can fourgoat that picture.


----------



## Kazak

The goat four-merly known as Prince.


----------



## The Doug

We knew you were going to say that.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> The goat four-merly known as Prince.


Saw him hooked to a cart with purple reigns.


----------



## cdncableguy

My wife wears so much purple lately I had to do a double take LOL


----------



## KC4




----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Which one? The chicken or the nag?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Which came first?


----------



## Kazak

Who's on first?


----------



## KC4

Yes.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

thewitt - he be the first.


----------



## Kazak

If there is a thewitt, he seems somewhat less than omnipresent.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

He's behind you!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> He's behind you!


An assertion that is difficult to disprove.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Tricky situation. Got any wing mirrors?


----------



## KC4

Doesn't need 'em, I'd wage-a. 
As a teacha', he's prolly got eyes in the back o' 'is 'ead!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Got any wing mirrors?


Might be slang. Could be the Scots equivalent of WAYW.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Best Who album ever.


----------



## The Doug

What? Why?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

When? Whither? Whence?

W rules!


----------



## SINC

What the


----------



## The Doug

Wapiti.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Whelk.


----------



## The Doug

Wherret.


----------



## SINC

Whoose


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Whitherwards whortleberries?


----------



## KC4

Not withstanding!


----------



## Kazak

woC (!ooM)


----------



## The Doug

_Winfrey!_


----------



## Kazak

. . . as frey as the wind blows . . .


----------



## The Doug

[insert standing ovation here]


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Stand and ovate!
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That ovated with us upon Saint Kazak's day.


----------



## Kazak

Those who would not hold their manhoods cheap had best avoid massed ovation.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I myself have always deprecated the cheap holding of one's manhood, 'in for a penny, in for a pound' - that sort of thing.


----------



## KC4

May as well be hanged like a sheep as like a goat.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Hope that goat is well hung.


----------



## The Doug

Better that than dreadfully overhung.


----------



## SINC

Unless of course . . .


----------



## Kazak

Judging by the look on her face, there's a well-hung goat nearby, perhaps very near (hard to say without wing mirrors). (This thread's in a rut.)


----------



## KC4

D'oh!


----------



## Kazak

And if he won't dance with you, you can eat him.


----------



## KC4

Just takes a little heat to get a rise out of him.


----------



## Kazak

And, of course, _he's_ the one who giggles when he gets poked.


----------



## KC4

--. --- .- - ... ..- .--. .--. .-.. -.-- .-- .- -. .. -. --. .-.-.- .--. .-.. . .- ... . ... . -. -.. -- --- .-. . --. --- .- - ...


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

kc4 said:


> --. --- .- - ... ..- .--. .--. .-.. -.-- .-- .- -. .. -. --. .-.-.- .--. .-.. . .- ... . ... . -. -.. -- --- .-. . --. --- .- - ...


Wait a minute ...


----------



## KC4

.. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / -.-. --- -- . / -.. --- .-- -. / .-- .. - .... / .- / -... .- -.. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / ... -. .- .--. .--. .-.. . --..-- / - .- -.- . / .- / -.. .- ... .... / --- ..-. / -... .. -. .- .-. -.-- / .- -. -.. / -.. --- - / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / -- . / .. -. / - .... . / -- --- .-. -. .. -. --. .-.-.-


----------



## KC4

snapple quaffer said:


> wait a minute ...


01000011 01100001 01101110 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101101 01101001 01101110 01110101 01110100 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101110 00100000 00100000 01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100111 01101111 01100001 01110100 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101110 00100000 01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101110


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

kc4 said:


> 01000011 01100001 01101110 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101101 01101001 01101110 01110101 01110100 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101110 00100000 00100000 01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100111 01101111 01100001 01110100 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101110 00100000 01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101110


01100100011011110111010001100100011000010111001101101000011001000110000101110011011010000110010001101111011101000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011001000110111101110100011001000110111101110100011001000110111101110100011001000110111101110100011100110111000001100001011000110110010101100100011000010111001101101000011001000110000101110011011010000110010001100001011100110110100001110011011100000110000101100011011001010110010001100001011100110110100001100100011011110111010001110011011100000110000101100011011001010110010001101111011101000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011100110110110001100001011100110110100001110011011100000110000101100011011001010110010001101111011101000110010001100001011100110110100001100100011011110111010001110011011100000110000101100011011001010110010001101111011101000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011001000110000101110011011010000110010001101111011101000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011001000110000101110011011010000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011100110110110001100001011100110110100001110011011100000110000101100011011001010110010001101111011101000110010001100001011100110110100001110011011100000110000101100011011001010111001101101100011000010111001101101000011100110111000001100001011000110110010101100100011000010111001101101000011001000110000101110011011010000110010001101111011101000111001101110000011000010110001101100101011001000110000101110011011010000110010001100001011100110110100001100100011000010111001101101000011100110111000001100001011000110110010101100100011011110111010001100100011000010111001101101000011100110111000001100001011000110110010101100100011000010111001101101000


----------



## KC4

Pleas re: Lease
Me-let-me Goat.


----------



## SINC

Is that the old refrain by Englebert Humpyergoat I hear?


----------



## Kazak

As they lay me . . .


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> As they lay me . . .


...down to sheep, 
I pray to Goat my wool to keep;
 if I fry before I bake,
 I prefer my Goat to sole or hake.


----------



## SINC

Casper the friendly goat.


----------



## Kazak

Gaspé, the friendly coast.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

"Visigoth Migration App not available in Europe" 

Thankfully the "Sack Rome App" was still available.


----------



## Kazak

Sack Rome bleu!


----------



## The Doug

Be wary of the Romeing charges associated therewith.


----------



## KC4

When in Rome, do as the Romulans do.


----------



## SINC

I've never seen Romulan do, does it smell?


----------



## Kazak

No, but Romulans do: they have noses.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Walk like an Egyptian.


----------



## KC4

Kirk commands


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Kirk commands


Hmmm, interesting command by old Kirk:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Thathhhs Dithhhspppicable!


----------



## Kazak

One of the classic moments in animation (though it's better when it doesn't loop).


----------



## The Doug

I am better when I don't loop.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Are you best when you shuffle?


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Hmmm, interesting command by old Kirk:


Och! It muthst be the Dilithhheum crythstals Capt'in!.

Either that or a Shuffeloopiguthhh has infiltrated the controls!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I am better when I don't loop.


This is the song that never ends . . .

My name is Yon Yonson . . .

Apple Headquarters

Féliz Navidad, the José Féliciano version (sorry, that one only _seems_ to loop infinitely)


----------



## SINC

Left out of the loop . . .


----------



## Kazak

It's like a demented version of Hollywood Squares: I'll take Charlie Wiper for the block.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I can sing a rainboeouugh






​


----------



## SINC

Speaking of rainbows . . .


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> I can sing a rainboeouugh
> 
> View attachment 17542​


Excellent example of Installation barf.
Honk if you like it.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Speaking of rainbows . . .


A rainbow here as well. Wow!!


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> Speaking of rainbows . . .


In Alberta, legend has it, there's always a pot belly at the end of the rainbow.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> In Alberta, legend has it, there's always a pot belly at the end of the rainbow.


True dat . . .


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> True dat . . .


Wow!!!  When my wife compared our doxie, Daisy, to a pot belly pig when Daisy had 8 pups on the way, I thought that she was accurate. Not now!!!! How can that pig even walk???????


----------



## Kazak

Should get a few footballs out of that one, SINC.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

That's just wrong.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A-whey in a manger ....


----------



## The Doug

Qu'est-ce qu'il y a à manger?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Qu'est-ce qu'il y a à manger?


I'm frankly incensed at that question.


----------



## SINC

Incensed at myrrhly a mention?


----------



## Kazak

Everyone's a wisemenheimer.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Except for the innkeeper - no ell of a loser.


----------



## Kazak

And what's with the shady criminal element?: The ox and lamb did time.


----------



## KC4

Pa rump rum run, bun bun bum.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Pa rump *rum* run, bun bun bum.


Heavy on the rum, please.


----------



## Kazak

And for the millionth time, Christ our Saviour was NOT born on Christmas Day.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Myths, like eggs, get scrambled. (Hence the name Smyth.)

In these days of foaming frenzy over the Looming Nuptials of next April, let us consider the true meaning of Christmas, namely the miraculous birth of Her Majesty in a lowly stable in Balmoral.


----------



## Kazak

O little town of Balmoral . . .

Actually, the myth is only one problem with the line. True, it is highly improbable that Jesus was born December 25, but I've always been more upset by the anachronism that he was born on the day that seemingly already bore his name: "Remember Christ our Saviour was born on Christmas Day." If Christians (psychic insight #1) were already celebrating Christmas (psychic insight #2) on December 25, then Jesus' birth that day must rank as the greatest coincidence of all time.

I prefer the correction used by BNL and others: ". . . born upon this day." This, of course, is still likely untrue, but I find it much less egregious.

Anyone else have a least favourite carol lyric?


----------



## KC4

Oh, c'mon lettuce adorn him!​


----------



## Kazak

Goat, tell it on the mountain.


----------



## Dr.G.

All we are saying, is give peas a chance.


----------



## SINC

At this time of year, all we want is peas on earth.


----------



## KC4

The little adored cheeses laid down their sweet heads,
I love thee adored cheeses, don't ask me why
Just stay by my side, until morning is nigh.....


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> At this time of year, all we want is peas on earth.


and goat swill to all men.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## KC4

Glooohhh ohh oh oh ohh ...
ohh oh ohh ohh ..ree ahhhhh...
in Excel Spreadsheets....
Dayyyy ayyyyyy ohhhhh...


----------



## SINC

Sounds a tad gloatinous to me.


----------



## Kazak

Or glutinous like a warm cheese.

Or goatinous like a blue cheese.


----------



## The Doug

Play. Laugh. Goat.


----------



## Kazak

Bleat Different.


----------



## SINC

That's combleatly different.


----------



## Kazak

(I love the look on his face: Yes, they are out to get you.)​


----------



## SINC

Oh no!


----------



## Kazak

Must construct additional pylons.


----------



## KC4

Let It Goat! Let It Goat! Let It Goat!


----------



## The Doug

toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat toygoat


----------



## Kazak

rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers
rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers
rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers
rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers
rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers
rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers rubber billy goatee bumpers


----------



## SINC

The GoateeSaver to the rescue . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

ACMABCC*

* - batteries not included.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


>


Look at what is chasing those poor ducks ............


----------



## Kazak

How camest thou to be the siege of this mooncalf? Can he vent Trinculos?


----------



## KC4

Swum ashore, man, like a duck: I can swim like a 
duck, I'll be sworn.


----------



## Kazak

And the most useful lines in the whole play, especially at this holiday season:

"Prithee do not turn me about; my stomach is not constant."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

At least Pi is constant.


----------



## KC4

Never turn your back on a cream Pi.
Or your front, for that matter.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

I want to see Bertie do the dance.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Crotex means that your unwanted hair will be removed forever and will never grow back.

Pass it on.


----------



## Kazak

The Crotex means that your unwanted hair will be removed forever and will never grow back.

Pass it on.


----------



## SINC

The Crotex means that your unwanted hair will be removed forever and will never grow back.

Pass it on.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## SINC

Well, that shatters my belief that an Itchygroin was a new brand of Japanese car.

Hmm, TD switched the video and rendered my post obsolete. Oh well, now the rest of you will be left to wonder what it was.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Imagine the ac-ting ta-lent of a Davis-Shatner love child.


----------



## KC4




----------



## The Doug

Good gawd that must fetch at least $100k at auction.


----------



## KC4

Too late. By the time you read this you've already read it.


----------



## Kazak

"This is not pudding."


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

That looks like a bag boiled plum duff on a bicycle. Swallow it (but peel it first) and you'll get the sixpence.

New Year's resolutions? Who will resolve first?


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> That looks like a bag boiled plum duff on a bicycle. Swallow it (but peel it first) and you'll get the sixpence.
> 
> New Year's resolutions? Who will resolve first?


I shall "resolve first", since the new year, here in Canada, starts here in St.John's.

I resolve, at long last, not to make any more New Year's resolutions. 

Paix, mes amis.


----------



## KC4

If you kiss a missile-toad, will you get a prince of peace?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> If you kiss a missile-toad, will you get a prince of peace?


I froget.


----------



## Kazak

Did you ribbit for good luck?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I resolve _not_ to kiss any more toads.







​


----------



## Kazak

If Gerry Cheevers had added bananas instead of stitches . . .


----------



## Kazak

Day - O!


----------



## KC4

But yes, we have no bananas.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## KC4

A 700th page Banzai!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## KC4




----------



## KC4

Zo, dis iz verr our diligence haz led us? 

Mein goat.


----------



## Kazak

Who will join the select company:

1000 - Trose
2000 - Snapple Quaffer
3000 - rgray
4000 - moi
5000 - Snapple Quaffer
6000 - Snapple Quaffer
7000 - ?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Time for an outsider to make a mark.


----------



## Kazak

Who's next?


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Time for an outsider to make a mark.


Uh, OK


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Uh, OK


:lmao::lmao::lmao: Oops. 

Never did know which was #1 or #2.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Phew! At last! The stress of waiting was getting intolerable.


The 7K milestone has duly been marked in a stylish fashion!


----------



## Kazak

Snapple Quaffer said:


> The 7K milestone has duly been marked in a stylish fashion!


. . . in keeping with the prevailing themes around here.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

... and the prevailing fumes ...


----------



## The Doug

Prevailing fumes... oh the wayward wind is a restless wind... a known side effect of too much cheese (especially the highland varieties).


----------



## Kazak

or was that "wheyward wind"?


----------



## KC4

And the wheyward wind
is a restless wind
A restless wind
that churns to wonder
And he was born
the next of kin
The next of kin
to the wheyward wind.
(cue: Coyotes howling)​


----------



## Kazak

and goats bleating.


----------



## KC4

...We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine;
we've wander'd mony a weary foot
Sin' auld lang syne....




Poor gowans.


----------



## screature

Happy New Year Kim!!!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## SINC

Meanwhile on this side of the pond, "let 'er rip" takes on a whole different meaning.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Poor gowans.


You're a strange animal . . .




Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Lamina


----------



## Kazak

egnarts


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## The Doug

01100111 01101111 01110111 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01101110 01100001 00100000 01110000 01110101 01101011 01100101


----------



## KC4

01010101 01101000 00100000 01101111 01101000 00101100 00100000 00100000 01000100 01101111 01110101 01100111 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01110111 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01110111 00101110 00100000 01010010 01110101 01101110 00100001


----------



## Kazak

My "favourite" was "Awake the Giant." Typical short-guy compensation issues.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## KC4

A carnivore with a gut splitting XO XO XO XOX OX OXO OXO OXO XOXO laugh?


----------



## Kazak

I'm not concerned about the riddle. I'm very concerned about the following philosophically-profound question: 

Can a car do stand-up?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4, being of the kitchen, was close, so close.

As for Kazak's concerns, Morris still has millions of fans. Cars are people too, you know, deep down and all that.

Here he is :


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

​


----------



## KC4

Hah! That's good. He could take that show on the road!

Speaking of that, have you ever seen a road stand?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I've seen a one-armed trombone player.


----------



## Kazak

I've seen a three-legged organist. Oh wait, this is a family board.


----------



## Dr.G.

I have heard the sound of one hand clapping, a common Zen Koan.


----------



## KC4

I see "Permanent Press" settings on irons all of the time. 
I have never seen one that actually works.


----------



## Kazak

Maybe you're using the wrong irons. There are many kinds:

leg-
3, 5, 7, 9-
and-
Jeremy-
-y, -ic, -ical, -ically
flat-

I think many women, and some men, would like to try Jeremy Irons on Permanent Press. I'm pretty sure he has a Self-Clean setting, too.


----------



## The Doug

You forgot:

pig-

Tst tsk.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

cat-

an-


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

-ic


----------



## The Doug

Goatic? _Goatic?_


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Often, when the fancy takes me.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I think many women, and some men, would like to try Jeremy Irons on Permanent Press. I'm pretty sure he has a Self-Clean setting, too.


Yo, Brotha A to Z,
Yo, Wassup B?
Yo, What time is it?

Ha hah, It's laundry day!

(do do do...)


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Often, when the fancy takes me.


"Here's your one chance Fancy, don't let me down!"


----------



## Kazak

Ooh she done me, she done me good.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

5 + 12 points!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Precisely.


----------



## Kazak

Indubitably.


----------



## SINC

Eventually.


----------



## Kazak

Cheesily.


----------



## KC4

Sillily.


----------



## Kazak

In the manner of Mrs. Munster: Lilily


----------



## SINC

Well, that a more Hermanily way to put it.


----------



## Kazak

Precisely.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

I think a little cream will clear that right up.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Probably not the appropriate treatment. Goat thee to a fishery!


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

They Skid Horses, Don't They?


----------



## KC4

neigh.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> They Skid Horses, Don't They?


:lmao::clap::lmao:

Good one, Kazak.


----------



## SINC

Bah, it's nothing but horse skit!


----------



## Chris

But what's the mane point?


----------



## Kazak

Don't drink and ride.

(Or don't drink and be ridden, advice for horses.)
"It'sh my turn to wear the shpurs, human."
"Hey, babe, wanna shee why my friendsh call me Secretariat?"


----------



## SINC

It happens:

Woman charged with DUI while horseback riding drunk


----------



## Chris

Sometimes it's better to hoof it yourself.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Somefink weird going on.


----------



## Kazak

If he leaned out a little further, we could see if his shirt is Bartoned.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> "Hey, babe, wanna shee why my friendsh call me Secretariat?"


Precisely.


----------



## The Doug

Wee Willie Winkie said:


> Precisely.


Indubitably.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Wizard of Oz said:


> Indubitably.


Inedibly.


----------



## Kazak

Mangy Scots Git said:


> Inedibly.


Probably.


----------



## The Doug

Tantor Of The Hill Tribe said:


> Probably.


Sure.


----------



## KC4

The lowercase "d" said:


> Sure.


Probably drive a Smart Car too.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

KC And The Sunshine Band said:


> Probably drive a Smart Car too.


Depends.


----------



## Kazak

Bob and said:


> Depends.


Maybe when I'm older.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

A very mature stilton said:


> Maybe when I'm older.


We'll wait.


----------



## Kazak

That's why they call them Highlands said:


> We'll wait.


Neither runniness nor molding will keep us from our appointed crackers.


----------



## KC4

Kamembert said:


> Neither runniness nor molding will keep us from our appointed crackers.


Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.


----------



## Kazak

A very ancient and fish-like smell said:


> Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.


Bouzouki Joe?


----------



## KC4

Kazakstanza said:


> Bouzouki Joe?


Little boy blue, go blow your bouzouki.


----------



## SINC

Dat Fish said:


> Little boy blue, go blow your bouzouki.


Can Jack be nimble?


----------



## Kazak

Salmon Ella said:


> Little boy blue, go blow your bouzouki.


"Don't think I haven't tried," the Blue Fairy Godmother answered.


----------



## KC4

SINCopation said:


> Can Jack be nimble?


Nah, usually just quick.


----------



## Kazak

chronoSINClastic said:


> Can Jack be nimble?


Or a NIMBY jackal?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

the day of the nimby said:


> or a nimby jackal?







​


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Hold the front page!

Escaped pot-bellied pigs on the loose in Southampton

Better than loose-bellied pigs on the pot, what, what?


----------



## Kazak

Standin' in the dock at Southampton,
Tryin' to get some truffles from France . . .


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

It takes an affy lang spoon tae sup truffles fae France.

Plays bloody hell with the shipping in the Channel too, unless you have one of those new-fangled Eurotunnel spoons (metric sizes only).


----------



## KC4

Must Brits stir their Tetley with milliliter spoons now?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Must Brits stir their Tetley with milliliter spoons now?


Yes. That's why I drink Twinings.


----------



## The Doug

I thought you drink only Scottish Blend.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Only when I come over all Brigadoonish.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Scottish Blend.


Oxymoron: you is or you ain't.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Oxymoron: you is or you ain't.


....or ye will or ye will na'...


----------



## Kazak

Precisely.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

But not accurately.


----------



## KC4

Accuracy is overatted.


----------



## Kazak

Says the fish with a digit in her name, as indicatted above.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Accuracy is overatted.


As opposed to being overbadgered.


----------



## Kazak

a large, wooden badger?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They aren't natural thesps.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> a large, wooden badger?


Badgers?????????????? Call out the dachshunds (German for "badger dog").


----------



## KC4

Get a long little doggie.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

They always seem like little long doggies to me.


----------



## Kazak

Get a Don Rickles doggie.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Get a long little doggie.





Snapple Quaffer said:


> They always seem like little long doggies to me.


:lmao::lmao::lmao:

Some of the doxies just have big heads ............  ....... some are sweet and some just don't know how to climb down stairs.


----------



## The Doug

Those are the strangest looking elephants I have ever seen.


----------



## Kazak

For which, he promptly got his face slapped.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

The Doug said:


> Those are the strangest looking elephants I have ever seen.


But a handy size - most elephants have very wrinkly knees from having to constantly kneel down to play marbles.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Those are the strangest looking elephants I have ever seen.





Kazak said:


> For which, he promptly got his face slapped.


Elephants?????? 

No slapping necessary, Kazak. Just the command, "See Doug .............. get him!!!!!!"  Killer doxies spring into action at a moment's notice ........ and then have a nap.


----------



## Kazak

Methinks we have a clear case of media manipulation here. The sequencing of the photos above implies that we are looking at the same dog, who leapt out of his Doxiecave? only to fall asleep. Note, however, that the second photograph was taken 14 months before the first. I suspect the good Doctor is preparing for a lucrative career working for respectable tabloids after he retires from the shoddy education racket.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Methinks we have a clear case of media manipulation here. The sequencing of the photos above implies that we are looking at the same dog, who leapt out of his Doxiecave? only to fall asleep. Note, however, that the second photograph was taken 14 months before the first. I suspect the good Doctor is preparing for a lucrative career working for respectable tabloids after he retires from the shoddy education racket.


All too true, Kazak. But as the old saying goes "All doxies look alike". One of our doxies is going to Westminster next month. If she pulls off a New York Trifects (i.e., best of breed, best of group, best of show), we can retire on just selling her pups. We shall see.

Until then, teaching, grading and testing must continue. Paix, mon ami.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Yes, and the doxies are willing and skilled accomplices in the grand plan.

I tried the same sort of project once with stick insects, but they were totally lacking in professionalism. I got plenty of posing of the one-leg-in-the-air variety, but they cavilled at my attempts to extend their repertoire. Charlatans, the lot of them.
They ended their wretched careers as tasty snacks, deep-fried in batter.


----------



## Dr.G.

"Yes, and the doxies are willing and skilled accomplices in the grand plan." SQ, the doxies are professional in every way. Just test their abilities to stay as a fearless foursome. Now, look into their eyes ........... look deeply into their eyes ............ you are getting sleepy ....... sleepy ........ sleepy .......


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dr.G. said:


> Now, look into their eyes ........... look deeply into their eyes ............ you are getting sleepy ....... sleepy ........ sleepy .......


OK, that's the last time I do that!

When I woke up I went through to the bathroom and look what I found:






​


----------



## SINC

What to do?


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> OK, that's the last time I do that!
> 
> When I woke up I went through to the bathroom and look what I found:
> 
> View attachment 18078​


Luckily, the toilet was not overflowing ............. you would be knee deep in "spoon river" 

Luckily, doxies are too short to drink out of the toilet. Even a water bowl for the average-sized dog will give them problems.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> What to do?


This is what happens when you send kids to a "magnet school."


----------



## KC4

Better call Uri.


----------



## Kazak

He knew you would say that.


----------



## SINC

Uri is likely all bent out of shape.


----------



## Kazak

I can't wait to hear his respoonse.


----------



## SINC

You can bet it will be contorted.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Stirred, not shaken.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> He knew you would say that.


He knew you knew he would know I would say that.


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


>


I'm not sure whether to pity or admire the bartender for standing motionless for so long.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Some people will do anything to get Leiad.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

It's a bit early for Marty Gras.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

I'll bet he could see that one coming.


----------



## KC4

If a my Ikea Katalog doesn't shø up sün, I'll a gü a postl!


----------



## Kazak

Börk, börk, börk.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Wonder if he knows that's a period, not a chew-toy?


----------



## Ena

Is this a shout out for Lynne Truss?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Wonder if he knows that's a period, not a chew-toy?


p is for period ............... a is for alligator


----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> Is this a shout out for Lynne Truss?


Any time is a good time for Ms. Truss. (pun not recognized until after written)


----------



## The Doug

_I got the old hernia truss here.. and I got a spleen truss, it opens up with a couple of snaps here in the back..._


----------



## KC4

Who can you truss?


----------



## Kazak

Ghosttrussers.


----------



## KC4

I ain't afraid'a no goats.


----------



## Kazak

No goats in our house,
Are there, Dear?
We made that clear,
We made little Gruyere promise us he'd be a good cheese.


----------



## The Doug

Our house, in the middle of our street?


----------



## Kazak

Well, that would explain the noise (and the madness).


----------



## KC4

Our house, is a very, very, very fine house. 
With two goats in the yard, 
Life used to be so hard, 
Now everything is cheesy 'cause of you.


----------



## Kazak

You house-proud town goat,
Ha ha, parmesan you are.


----------



## KC4

Cheese Louise, why d'ya have to goat and say that?


----------



## Ena

Goats gloat!


----------



## Kazak

Goats gloat in a gloatisserie. You can goat there, too.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Goats float your boat?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ah, yes, the traditional Oxford and Cambridge goat race.


----------



## SINC

Indeed, but who is goating to win this year?


----------



## Kazak

Looks to me as if both goats are up the creek without a paddock.


----------



## KC4

Everybody sing now!


----------



## SINC

Up the creek? Could they be croat goats?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Oh no, we've been spotted.


----------



## Kazak

Speak for yourself. I've been seen. My skin, however, is fine.


----------



## SINC

We need to move some air in here.


----------



## Kazak

If Dell made light fixtures.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Speak for yourself. I've been seen. My skin, however, is fine.


The game has gone into other spots: and my advice to you, Leopard, is to go into other spots as soon as you can.


----------



## Ena

Purrrrrrrrolater ~ the courier company owned by contented cats.


----------



## KC4

They deliver the litter and then make you sign in the box.


----------



## The Doug

*The Eschcalator*


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Happens every day on the Tube in London.


----------



## KC4

Esch! Like being trapped dining at McDonald's. What goes down, must come up. 

Snapple: I don't mind the gap, do you?


----------



## Kazak

The Doug being our resident expert in eschatology.

Sorry, I meant scatology.


----------



## The Doug

There is still _so_ much to learn that I can hardly be called an expert.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

"There is still so much to learn that I can hardly be called an expert." _The Doug_

"So little done, so much to do." _Cecil Rhodes_

"So much time, and so little to do." _Willy Wonka_


----------



## KC4

"So much do do, so little time to GTF outta here." Mubarak


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> "So much do do, so little time to GTF outta here." Mubarak


"So much doo doo, I'll leave and let someone else clear up the mess." _Generic dictator as he's packing the gold reserves in a crate bfore shooting off to a safe haven somewhere_


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> "So much doo doo, I'll leave and let someone else clear up the mess." _Generic dictator as he's packing the gold reserves in a crate bfore shooting off to a safe haven somewhere_


Precisely. 

Thank you Snapple (for correcting my spelling of doo doo). Apparently I also have some learning to _doo_ in order to become an expert craptologist.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

KC4 said:


> Precisely.
> 
> Thank you Snapple (for correcting my spelling of doo doo). Apparently I also have some learning to _doo_ in order to become an expert craptologist.


 I hadn't seen that.

I thought/assumed/misread it 'to do'.

Then there's the hoary old bag of chestnuts:

"To do is to be" _Descartes_
"To be is to do" _Satre_
"Dooby-dooby-doo." _Sinatra_


----------



## KC4

Don't forget:
"Scooby Dooby Doo! Where are you?" Anderson Cooper


----------



## Kazak

We do, doodley do, doodley do, doodely do,
What we must, muddily must, muddily must, muddily must;
Muddily do, muddily do, muddily do, muddily do,
Until we bust, bodily bust, bodily bust, bodily bust.

-KV


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Until we bust, bodily bust, bodily bust, bodily bust.


Speakin' of bodily busts . . .


----------



## KC4

"These initials could only mean one thing: Dudley Do-Right." - Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash​


----------



## Kazak

You have missed the scatological reference. It's not a "d" at all: it's a pee on its head.


----------



## The Doug

Could also be a _b_ or a _q_, depending on your acrobatic skills, perceptual inconsistency, and/or rate of moonshine consumption.


----------



## KC4

Or, an o (pronounced with a heavy accent).


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Hello,

I am an


animated


GIF.



On older




com-





-puters,






I 






can







reduce


----------



## Kazak

pageloads










almost


----------



## Kazak

to























a


----------



## Kazak

standstill.


----------



## The Doug

What da ya want for nothing? ... a rrrrrrrrubber biscuit?


----------



## SINC

Better?


----------



## KC4

This should explain it. 




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

I'm positive that video made me lose an electron.


----------



## Ena

It's time to call in Nicolas Bourbaki!


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> a rrrrrrrrubber biscuit?


Ah, memories.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> Better?


Well, faster anyway.

Seriously, though, when I'm using battery power on my G4 PB, they do wreak some havoc.

Also, I've been wondering who's finding theirs elsewhere and who's making their own.


----------



## KC4

Ena said:


> It's time to call in Nicolas Bourbaki!


I would, but they are not giving out their numbers anymore.


----------



## Kazak

Ack! Apparently, every time I "Like" a post, the poster gets a notification. I had no idea this was happening. I've been "Liking" my way through this entire thread, and you probably all hate me now.

Please accept my apolocheese, I mean apologoats.


----------



## SINC

Very goatacious of you sir!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Ack! Apparently, every time I "Like" a post, the poster gets a notification. I had no idea this was happening. I've been "Liking" my way through this entire thread, and you probably all hate me now.
> 
> Please accept my apolocheese, I mean apologoats.


Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike Like Unlike ....


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

simile: a comparison between two unlike things using "like" or "as"


----------



## Kazak

oh Valentine's Day
flowers, Hallmark, and Purdy's
have killed the romance


----------



## KC4

Pillsbury Dough Boy
Won't you be my Valentine
with icing on top?


----------



## Kazak

below the surface
fishy romance blossoming
PDAs in school


----------



## Kazak

What's that? You want more?

established couple
well-travelled, with miles to go
two people in sync


----------



## Kazak

far, far East from here
a lucky woman relearns
why he's called "Doctor"


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> far, far East from here
> a lucky woman relearns
> why he's called "Doctor"


:lmao:

Merci, mon ami .............. but my wife is in New York City at the moment. :love2:


----------



## Kazak

beware romantics
the passer of windmill's a 
naughty, naughty boy


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> Merci, mon ami .............. but my wife is in New York City at the moment. :love2:


Well, that wasn't very well-planned.


----------



## Kazak

a beleaguered man
glad the weekend's done, wants to
press the "like" button


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Well, that wasn't very well-planned.


She is showing one of our doxies at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Blame them.


----------



## The Doug

Everything makes sense now.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Everything makes sense now.


Goat figure!


----------



## Kazak

Goat people got no reason . . .


----------



## SINC

With apologies to Kazak, I give you Goat Vader!


----------



## Kazak

Rare footage of the other side to Lord Vader: he loved to spend his weekends at home playing with the kids.


----------



## KC4

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.





Be prepared.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Clint no blink.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

But Clint squint give hint.


----------



## SINC

Clint squint like flint.


----------



## Kazak

Forget squint, Clint need hint of mint.


----------



## cap10subtext

Spearmint or Varmint?


----------



## KC4

Double varmint.


----------



## KC4

Or minty gum. Or gummy mints...or, wait! I've got it..
Clint needs these...


----------



## Kazak

The Good, The Bad, and The Gummy.


----------



## The Doug

I'd say just plain *bad*.





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Just eat 'em.


----------



## KC4

Gift for Snapple. You're welcome.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Mmmm. Thank you.

And here's a nice chewy worm for you, O Fishy One ...







​


----------



## The Doug

Total yummers!


----------



## KC4

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Mmmm. Thank you.
> 
> And here's a nice chewy worm for you, O Fishy One ...
> 
> 
> View attachment 18527​


Tanks alot! 



The Doug said:


> Total yummers!


Git yer own......




+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

And for dessert...


----------



## SINC

Just sayin'

Authorities Investigating Goat Herd


----------



## Chris

I imagine they used their legs....


----------



## The Doug

Exactly. That is the recommended way to escape a thundering herd of marmots.


----------



## KC4

They should have had a Red Bull.


----------



## Chris

Sorry, large flying quadrupeds is not something I want to contemplate...

_Look out!_
:lmao:


----------



## The Doug

Quite mootivating.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Quite mootivating.


Teatillating even.


----------



## Kazak

Cowptivating?


----------



## KC4

Udder nonsense, I say.


----------



## SINC

Debovine?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Why sure.


----------



## Kazak

SINC's always ready to give to a good cowse.


----------



## SINC

I am indeed, and I cattlelog them for future reference.


----------



## Kazak

Everyone cownsidered him the cowherd of the cownty.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak said:


> Everyone cownsidered him the cowherd of the cownty.


They took turns at Bessie . . . 

(Milking, of course. Sheesh.)


----------



## KC4

A good cowhand is hard to find.


----------



## Kazak

Many people are mooved by Leonard Cowhen's song "Cowlelujah."


----------



## The Doug

While others posit that his best song is Undercow.


----------



## SINC

I see we're still milking this for all it's worth.


----------



## KC4

But, where's the BEEF?


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> While others posit that his best song is Undercow.


Moozanne takes you cown to her graze near the river . . .


----------



## Chris

Veal see how long this lasts.


----------



## Kazak

Too long by calf.


----------



## SINC

Yet an udder two lengthy posts.


----------



## Ena

Watch out for the Cow-Pats-y Cline!


----------



## KC4

Ena said:


> Watch out for the Cow-Pats-y Cline!


Moooo
Oh, so lonesome for you
Why can't you be moooo over me?
Moooo
Oh, so lonesome for you
Tears fill my eyes 'till I can't see
Three o'clock in the mornin, here am I
Sitting here so lonely, so lonesome I‘ve gone dry
Moooo
Oh, so lonesome for you
Why can't you be moooo over me?
Now that it's over, I realized
Those weak words you whispered, were nothing but flies
Moooo
Oh, so lonesome for you
Why can't you be moooo over me?
Why can't you be moooo over me?


----------



## SINC

One can only hope Cow-Pats-y Cline isn't heifer good.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

A face only a godmother could love.


----------



## Ena

Faerie good comment!


----------



## SINC

Or a codmother in the fishy one's case.


----------



## KC4

In Cod, we trust.


----------



## SINC

Etched on your tail, like the penny I trust?


----------



## Kazak

"Come back to my coral and I'll show you my etchings."


----------



## SINC

You'll never rope me into that.


----------



## The Doug

I want to know what's at steak.


----------



## SINC

A purloined steak?


----------



## Kazak

More cowbell!


----------



## SINC

Long as it's not bellony.


----------



## Chris

Or Bella Donna!


----------



## SINC

Donna pizza me off!


----------



## KC4

Exactly. If the pie ain't good, don't gimme dat pizza chit!


----------



## SINC

Given the thread, I assume that IS cow pie?


----------



## The Doug

KC4 said:


> ...pizza chit!


Never tried that however I have had a taxi chit on occasion.


----------



## Kazak

Does Florida chit in the Bush?


----------



## The Doug

I don't know. Alaska.


----------



## Kazak

Iowa don't know, either.


----------



## The Doug

And I have always wondered - did Tennessee what Arkansas?


----------



## KC4

If Arkansas Delaware her New Jersey, did Tennessee Texas or Kansas?


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> If Arkansas Delaware her New Jersey, did Tennessee Texas or Kansas?


I don't really know, KC4. I'll Alaska.


----------



## SINC

We've been reduced to a silly state.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> We've been reduced to a silly state.


True. Still, what state is tall in the middle but round at both ends???


----------



## Chris

Dr.G. said:


> True. Still, what state is tall in the middle but round at both ends???


OHIO

Come on, everybody, Yukon do it!

(Had to get a little Cancon going here, you know.)


----------



## Dr.G.

Chris said:


> OHIO
> 
> Come on, everybody, Yukon do it!
> 
> (Had to get a little Cancon going here, you know.)


We have a winner. Good for you, Chris. :clap::clap::clap:

Now which state goes ever higher?

Or which is the only state in the US of A that does NOT welcome dachshunds???


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> Or which is the only state in the US of A that does NOT welcome dachshunds???


No Doxico?


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> Now which state goes ever higher?
> 
> Or which is the only state in the US of A that does NOT welcome dachshunds???


Can't be New York, they love hot dogs.

Utah us Dr. G, I Nevada heard such a thing.


----------



## Macfury

This Ill noise has given me a headache. Time to call a Baltimore M.D.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> No Doxico?


Not quite, Kazak, but a good name for the 51st state. :lmao::clap:


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Can't be New York, they love hot dogs.
> 
> Utah us Dr. G, I Nevada heard such a thing.


Yes, KC4, New York State ........ the Empire State ......... with the state motto "Excelsior" ........ ever upwards/ever onwards.

Good second guess, but no brass ring. Translate "dachshund" from the original German. That shall give you the clue ........ and test your sanity, in that this is the Test thread.


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> This Ill noise has given me a headache. Time to call a Baltimore M.D.


Good one, Macfury, but these are silent dachshunds, so keep at it and "test" your mental abilities.


----------



## Macfury

Dr.G. said:


> Good one, Macfury, but these are silent dachshunds, so keep at it and "test" your mental abilities.


Wisconsin, Dr. G. They wouldn't like to see the doxies tear their state animal, the badger, to ribbons.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> Wisconsin, Dr. G. They wouldn't like to see the doxies tear their state animal, the badger, to ribbons.


Right on, Brother Macfury. Correct you are .......... and yet each year the Dachshund Club of America holds their yearly "Weiner Whoopie" event, the largest gathering of doxies in North America, each May in Wisconsin.  Go figure.

Still, you have passed the "test", grasshopper, and may now move on to the next level. Kudos, mon ami.


----------



## SINC

We seem to be going round in circles here.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


>


:lmao:

It is a known fact that y'all have to creep up behind a gator ......... especially those Georgia gators in the Okeefenokee Swamp. It is the "test" of a dogs courage and stealth to be able to undertake this task. Still, it is difficult to watch the fear in their eyes when they are told that they must face this "test" .................. or die trying. XX)


----------



## Macfury

Dr.G. said:


> Still, you have passed the "test", grasshopper, and may now move on to the next level. Kudos, mon ami.


I would hate to see a doxie try to tread lightly on rice paper, Dr. G.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> We seem to be going round in circles here.


:lmao::clap::lmao::clap:


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> I would hate to see a doxie try to tread lightly on rice paper, Dr. G.


Very true, grasshopper, but it is a "test" of one's concentration to try and hear the sound of one hand clapping ........... as you watch the reflection of the moon upon a still lake and seek to hear it's message.


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> We seem to be going round in circles here.


But at least Dr. G seems to have turned the tables on his dusting chores.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> But at least Dr. G seems to have turned the tables on his dusting chores.


:lmao::clap::lmao: Good one, KC4. Paix, mon amie.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


>


:love2::love2::love2:

Gotta love those test pilot doxies and their training.


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


>


I could have sworn I just posted that yesterday on the previous page.


----------



## KC4

The Dog said:


>





The Dog said:


>





The Dog said:


>





The Dog said:


>





Dr.G.Whiz said:


> :love2::love2::love2:
> 
> Gotta love those test pilot doxies and their training.





The Dog said:


>





SINC said:


> I could have sworn I just posted that yesterday on the previous page.


One of the first signs of, er, you know, is the perception of multiple doxie sightings......
....or believing your dog is out to get you.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> One of the first signs of, er, you know, is the perception of multiple doxie sightings......
> ....or believing your dog is out to get you.


KC4, "multiple doxie sightings" has never been my problem. The "test" of a truly balanced person is trying to step over them when going down the stairs.


----------



## KC4

KC4 said:


> ....or believing your dog is out to get you.





Dr.G. said:


> ... is trying to step over them when going down the stairs.


Hmmmmmmm. Uh huh.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Hmmmmmmm. Uh huh.


The "test" (this is the test thread) is to maintain one's balance when going down the stairs. It is an analogy for Life, n'est ce pas?


----------



## The Doug

7312 posts into the test and we still do not know who was in the kitchen with Dinah.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> 7312 posts into the test and we still do not know who was in the kitchen with Dinah.


Someone ............ the person formally known as Prince ............ or it might be Pete Seeger "strumming on the old banjo".


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> 7312 posts into the test and we still do not know who was in the kitchen with Dinah.


Are you Shore?


----------



## cap10subtext

Howard or Pauly? (Buuuuuddy.)


----------



## KC4

Shore as shootin and drinkin!


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

cap10subtext said:


> How a door Poorly?


When it's a jar!


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> When it's a jar!


:lmao::clap::lmao:

Sounds like one of the first jokes I remember telling as a child -- "When is a hole not a hole? When it's a knot hole."


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Seems to be a bit of s'train in this thread today.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Dam train.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

The real reason why __________ (insert name of "favourite" ehMacer) hasn't posted in this thread.


----------



## Macfury

Fugly, or Wanted.


----------



## KC4

Wanted? Tsk. Time to call the experts....


----------



## SINC

But will they come?


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> But will they come?


:lmao::lmao::lmao:

I guess not even a distress call will come between Batman and his watching the Toronto FC and the Vancouver Whitecaps match on TV.


----------



## SINC

Dr.G. said:


> :lmao::lmao::lmao:
> 
> I guess not even a distress call will come between Batman and his watching the Toronto FC and the Vancouver Whitecaps match on TV.


Yep, the mayor ought to love that one!


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Yep, the mayor ought to love that one!


He will ................ if Batman is rooting for TO.  Luckily, Batman is a big U2 fan.


----------



## Kazak

Batman must be sad today.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Batman must be sad today.


:-lmao:


----------



## ehMax

SINC said:


> But will they come?


Ha ha.... 

Batman was flipping the bird for a lot of reasons on Saturday.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Batman must be sad today.


Nah, just a poor battitude. 


ehMax said:


> Ha ha....
> 
> Batman was flipping the bird for a lot of reasons on Saturday.


You mean, flipping the bat, don't you?


----------



## SINC

Some days this thread drives me batty.


----------



## ehMax

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

This week's special is a deep-fried Toronto soccer team, thoroughly battied.


----------



## SINC

Isn't sock her a roller derby trick?


----------



## Kazak

Isn't a roller derby trick something you don't really want to turn?


----------



## Kazak

If a post is a rhetorical question, will it kill the thread?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Is this a test?


----------



## The Doug

Isn't online cubist theatre _always_ a test?


----------



## Ena

How absurd. I'm still 'Waiting for Godot'


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

If you freeze it, is it a testicle?


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Ena said:


> How absurd. I'm still 'Waiting for Godot'


Easier than dunking for french fries.


----------



## SINC

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Easier than dunking for french fries.


Hmm, apparently you've never "bobbed" for french fries on Halloween. beejacon


----------



## KC4

Is this an open book test?


----------



## Kazak

Fancy a game?

We're spectators.

Do you want to play Questions?

How do you play that?

You have to ask questions.

Statement! One... love.

Cheating!

How?

I hadn't started yet.

Statement! Two... love.

Are you counting that?

What?

Are you counting that?

Foul! No repetitions.

Three... love and game.

I'm not going to play if you're going to be like that.

Whose serve?

Err...

Hesitation! Love... one.

Whose go?

Why?

Why not?

What for?

Foul! No synonyms!

One... all.

What in God's name is going on?

Foul! No rhetoric!

Two... one.

What does it all add up to?

Can't you guess?

Were you addressing me?

Is there anyone else?

Who?

How would I know?

Why do you ask?

Are you serious?

Was that rhetoric?

No.

Statement! Two all.

Game point.

What's the matter with you today?

When?

What?

Are you deaf?

Am I dead?

Yes or no?

Is there a choice?

Is there a God?

Foul! No non sequiturs!

Three... two, one game all.

What's your name?

What's yours?

You first.

Statement! One... love.

What's your name when you're at home?

What's yours?

When I'm at home?

Is it different at home?

What home?

Haven't you got one?

Why do you ask?

What are you driving at?

What's your name?

Repetition! Two... love.

Match point.

Who do you think you are?

Rhetoric!! Game and match!


----------



## The Doug

The earth is very tight today.


----------



## KC4

Maybe the earth just needs a little more latitude, with the occasional correction for attitude.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Maybe the earth just needs a little more latitude, with the occasional correction for attitude.


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Here's lookin' at you too!


----------



## Dr.G.

:lmao::clap::lmao:



SINC said:


> Here's lookin' at you too!


----------



## Kazak

Dave? Where are you, Dave? I can't see you, Dave.


----------



## KC4

If you like, I can sing it for you, Dave....

Daisy, Day see.....I um haaa fffff .....craaaz............eee...............


----------



## Kazak

An early draft:

George Orwell's _1964: Weird Brother is Watching_

(doubleplusungood)


----------



## The Doug

_Oldthinkers unbellyfeel goats!_


----------



## Kazak

You've come a long way from your culottes, TD.

(Well, you know what I mean.)


----------



## KC4

One must avoid a breach of the breeches.


----------



## Macfury

Tell me your fears.
Okay, it's everyone here.


----------



## SINC

You've just entered the hemisfear.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

That gloating TV is hard on my right eye . . .


----------



## Kazak

Like one of my old signatures (before I joined tiltnation): The television was snowing softly.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

din get behov ost


----------



## The Doug

Vem, jag?


----------



## Kazak

Du måste tala högre. Jag har en banan i mitt öra.


----------



## KC4

Tror ni verkligen tycker att en peeling?


----------



## Kazak

Heliga inlagd sill, en talande fisk!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Heliga inlagd sill, en talande fisk!


Better call CNN!


----------



## Dr T

Kazak said:


> Heliga inlagd sill, en talande fisk!


This is very frustrating, at least 5 who write in my grandparents' languages, and I can barely understand, and I can't reply...


----------



## KC4

Dr T said:


> This is very frustrating, at least 5 who write in my grandparents' languages, and I can barely understand, and I can't reply...


So we could talk about you, in front of your back? 

(There are many on-line translators, if you really want to know what we are saying. But I don't offer any warranty or representation that once translated, it will make any better sense. After all, this _is_ the _test_ Thread)


----------



## Dr T

KC4 said:


> So we could talk about you, in front of your back?
> 
> (There are many on-line translators, if you really want to know what we are saying. But I don't offer any warranty or representation that once translated, it will make any better sense. After all, this _is_ the _test_ Thread)


Yeah, you could, but at leasts I might notice, as I can recognize the pronouns, if nothing else..

I refuse to use machine translation. It would not show respect for my grandparents.


----------



## Dr T

KC4 said:


> So we could talk about you, in front of your back? ...


At least my avatar is a true photo from Scandihoovia, as my father calls the Old Country.


----------



## KC4

Dr T said:


> At least my avatar is a true photo from Scandihoovia, as my father calls the Old Country.


Bork! Bork! Bork in the ooold country, ya! 

I think the conversation was something about an appealing goat, a talking banana and a cheese eating fish. You may find it easier to understand if you read it slightly _tilted_.


----------



## Dr T

KC4 said:


> Bork! Bork! Bork in the ooold country, ya!
> 
> I think the conversation was something about an appealing goat, a talking banana and a cheese eating fish. You may find it easier to understand if you read it slightly _tilted_.


Yeah, that is what it sounded like, so I thought at first you were a bunch of demented Dutchmen (excuse the redundancy). But then I saw some actual Swedish bits... and Norwegian or Danish, do you think I can tell the diff!?


----------



## The Doug

En moose bita min syster.


----------



## cap10subtext

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...


----------



## SINC

Some days this thread _becomes_ a test.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

TEST, not TOAST.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> TEST, not TOAST.


Oops ............


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> TEST, not TOAST.


It's definitely not TASTE


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


>


I certainly hope you are toasting this thread in a _good_ way.

If so, I only have one more thing to add:


----------



## Kazak

Maria Schneider died too soon.

(since SINC has decided the thread is tasteless)


----------



## The Doug

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

I can't repeat here the suggestions we used to have for Mother Nature.


----------



## KC4

I can't repeat what I have to say about that Mutha today either, but my little dancing helpers can help me spell it.....








Merry Christmas Y'all...we have about 10 cms of heavy wet snow and another 15 or more expected to come down today....


----------



## The Doug

Sigh. And you just put away your winter goat.


----------



## Kazak

And her cross-country cheese.


----------



## KC4

Spring in like a lion, butt out like a goat.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> butt out like a goat.


I'm sure it's not that bad. Anyway, that's attractive in some cultures.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I'm sure it's not that bad. Anyway, that's attractive in some cultures.


Indeed, butt they gloat about it.


----------



## Kazak

They don't call it the _gloateus maximus_ for nothing.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Once you go . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Once you go . . .


. . . goat, you'll never go back?


----------



## Kazak

It's Frosty!







Thumpity-thump-thump . . .​


----------



## Ena

He's going to have crooked teeth if he sucks on that soother for much longer.


----------



## Kazak

True, but snowpeople don't generally live long enough to worry about teeth. If my lifespan was December to February, would I be flossing? (Here, of course, snowperson life expectancy is measured in hours.)


----------



## SINC

Well, this IS a disappointment . . .


----------



## Kazak

Curious that someone thinks goats can read. Strange, too, that the sign's owner would apologize for his goatjudice.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Curious that someone thinks goats can read. Strange, too, that the sign's owner would apologize for his goatjudice.


Stand back, I'll take care of this.


----------



## Kazak

Billy. James Billy. Agent Double-Goat-Seven.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Phew. Thanks Doug.


----------



## KC4




----------



## SINC

They likely don't know the green cross goat either!


----------



## Trose

Soft Shoulders


----------



## KC4

Soft shoulders and dangerous curves...a baaa aaa aaaad combination.


----------



## Kazak

Had to bump this; guess no one wanted to lock horns with the fish.


----------



## KC4

No goats, no glory.


----------



## The Doug

Mares eat goats and does eat goats.


----------



## Kazak

. . . and little lambs eat Dougie.


----------



## The Doug

A kid'll eat Kazak too, wouldn't you?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> . . . and little lambs eat Dougie.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> A kid'll eat Kazak too, wouldn't you?


----------



## Kazak

Well, TD, it appears that the prospect of something eating me (3 smilies) is more shocking than the prospect of something eating you (2 smilies). Not sure if I should be offended or flattered.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Well, TD, it appears that the prospect of something eating me (3 smilies) is more shocking than the prospect of something eating you (2 smilies). Not sure if I should be offended or flattered.


A minor typographical miscue. Please, consider both of you being eaten as a  shocker ........... especially by a lamb or a kid. Now, eaten by a doxie is another matter altogether, but that would need to be tested as to who tasted better.

Paix, mon ami.


----------



## KC4

Either way, Doug and Kazak, you're both forked.


----------



## Kazak

I'll fork-goat the meal, thanks.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

You Bronson, you lose some.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> You Bronson, you lose some.


:lmao::lmao: Good one, Kazak.


----------



## KC4

What Charles saw:


----------



## Kazak

It's a Sheen, it's a Sheen, it's a crying Sheen.


----------



## SINC

I'd rather he be sheen and not heard.


----------



## KC4

Goats would rather be teamed and not herded.


----------



## Kazak

Where's Rudolph?


----------



## KC4

Is this question going to be on the test Mr. Kazak?


----------



## Kazak

The test is no idle thread.


----------



## Ena

Seek no answers, thread no lies.


----------



## SINC

From the Goat and Male:

Lost goat wanders into music store


----------



## KC4

He was probably heading for the horn section.


----------



## Kazak

Or maybe he was looking for a goatar.


----------



## Ena

Kazak said:


> Or maybe he was looking for a goatar.


Was he wearing love beads around his neck and sporting a goatee?


----------



## Kazak

No, I heard he was eating someone else's love beads and sporting a trenchgoat.


----------



## SINC

Ena said:


> Was he wearing love beads around his neck and sporting a goatee?


Hmmm, good thought. Perhaps he was looking for bongoat drums?


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Dances with Goats.


----------



## SINC

Ah yes, the epic filmed by Kevin Goatner.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> View attachment 19437


I remember the song:

Goats on trampolines,
We'd hear it from the people of the town, they'd call us
Goats on trampolines . . .


----------



## KC4

Thanks for Chering.


----------



## SINC

chering personalities?


----------



## Kazak

The chimp has better hair.


----------



## SINC

Hair today, gone tomorrow.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Hair today, gone tomorrow.


:lmao::lmao::clap:


----------



## KC4




----------



## The Doug

I recognise Madonna, but who's that on the left?


----------



## Kazak

She was a long cool woman with a pink goat


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Hair today, gone tomorrow.


Considering the recent occasion. Isn't it Hare yesterday, gone today? 



The Doug said:


> I recognise Madonna, but who's that on the left?


Maybe it's Inspector Clouseau and the Pink Panthgoat? 
(Hmm, better than Inspector Clouseau in a Pink Pant Suit)


----------



## The Doug

I can't goat for that (no can do).


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> I can't goat for that (no can do).


Hall and Goates.

Also,

Goat, here she comes,
Watch out boy, she'll chew you up,
Goat, here she comes,
She's an omnivore.


----------



## Macfury

(Oh-oh, here she comes)
Watch out boy
She'll chew her cud
(Oh-oh, here she comes)
She's a can-eater


----------



## Kazak

Touché, or goatee, or whatever the appropriate compliment is.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

That's just goatesque.


----------



## KC4

Car car no goat Zoom Zoom?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"Hi, George, it's Peter. I just wanted to ask you why, if you're such a great actor, you've only got one role in this movie."


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> "Hi, George, it's Peter. I just wanted to ask you why, if you're such a great actor, you've only got one role in this movie."


:lmao::lmao::lmao::clap:


----------



## SINC

Yeah, he's really chewing on that role.


----------



## Kazak

Maybe the C. is for cud.


----------



## The Doug

Or for cats.


----------



## Dr.G.

C could be for cute .......


----------



## The Doug

Or cacology. And let's not forget catapedamania.


----------



## SINC

Or catapults for that matter.


----------



## KC4

Cheese!


----------



## Macfury

Or coprophagia!


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Cheese!


:love2::love2::love2:


----------



## SINC

Cheese Z


----------



## The Doug

Cheese!


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Cheese Z


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## KC4

_Cheese Z!_


----------



## Kazak

Regular-sized, non-bold, non-italic, not underlined, black text.

Ahhh.


----------



## Macfury

Purist.


----------



## The Doug

˙ɥɥɥɐ

˙ʇxǝʇ ʞɔɐlq 'pǝuılɹǝpun ʇou 'ɔılɐʇı-uou 'ploq-uou 'pǝzıs-ɹɐlnƃǝɹ


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Purist.


Since it's a bit late for "purest," I'll take "purist."


----------



## KC4

​


----------



## Kazak

Really, people, we aren't supposed to worry about orientation these days.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## KC4

What? 
You mean the Orient really _isn't_ gonna rule us all one day?


----------



## SINC

Won ton day they will.


----------



## KC4

Everybody sing now....

Won ton Americas!
We heed the Won ton Americas...


----------



## Kazak

Or this classic:

Small with fins so thin and nimble,
The fish from Ipanema goes swimming,
And when she passes, each shark she passes goes
"Yum."

When she swims, she’s like an appy,
That will redeem a day that's crappy,
So when she passes, each shark she passes goes
"Yum."

Oh, and they watch her so madly,
How can they resist her sashay?
Yes, they will snap at her gladly,
But each day, when they try to consume,
She swims through their teeth, where there's room.

Small with fins so thin and nimble,
The fish from Ipanema goes swimming,
And when she passes, each shark she passes
Will try,
But she will not die,
She just waves good-bye,
They'll wait for her fry.


----------



## SINC

Fry me a river.


----------



## Kazak

Don't fry for me, Sergeant Tina.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Or this classic:
> 
> ...
> But each day, when they try to consume,
> She swims through their teeth, where there's room.
> 
> ...


Moving on the sea floor now babe you're a fish of paradise
Cherry ice cream smile, I suppose it's very nice
With a swish to your left and a flick to the right you catch that mirror way out west
You know you're something special and you look like you're the best

Her name is Flossie and she dances on the sand
She’ll never end up twisted, cooked and canned
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Flossie, Flossie swim across the Rio Grande

I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on TV
Two of a billion starfish it means so much to me
Like a birthday or a pretty view
But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you

Her name is Flossie and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
And when she shimmies she really shows you all she can
Oh Flossie, Flossie swim across the Rio Grande

Hey now, Woot! Look at that, did she nearly run you down?
At the end of the dive, the lawmen arrive
She makes them feel alive, alive, alive
I'll take my chance cause a duck is on my side
I tell you something, I know what you're thinking 
I tell you something, I know that you're sinking

Her name is Flossie and she dances with the band
Just like that river twists through a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Flossie, Flossie dance across the Rio Grand
Her name is Flossie she don't need to understand
And I might find her if I'm not looking in a can
Oh Flossie, Flossie hear them shout across the land
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do......


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

For $85, I hope she does the flossie and the brushie. Oral hygiene is important.


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> Moving on the sea floor now babe you're a fish of paradise


Har! Blue tuna on Monday, eh wot?


----------



## Dr.G.

mmmmmmmmmmmm fresh tuna ............ fresh meat .............


----------



## KC4

May Day! May Day! 
Pull up your fins! 
A tiger shark's in the tank!


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> May Day! May Day!
> Pull up your fins!
> A tiger shark's in the tank!


You got the answer to the test correct, KC4. Kudos. :clap::clap::clap:


----------



## KC4

macfury said:


> har! Blue tuna on monday, eh wot?










You can tuna piano but you can't tuna goldfish.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> View attachment 19617
> 
> You can tuna piano but you can't tuna goldfish.


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## SINC

The only way I like tuna.


----------



## KC4

Hmmph. That's a raw deal.


----------



## Kazak

tset


----------



## tiredjohn

test


----------



## SINC

ting


----------



## KC4

tiredjohn said:


> test





SINC said:


> ting


Hmmmm.. Some ting is going on here.....


----------



## ehMax

SINC said:


> ting





KC4 said:


> Hmmmm.. Some ting is going on here.....


:lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Hmmmm.. Some ting is going on here.....


:lmao::clap::lmao:

Or, should that read "Thumb ting is going on here"?


----------



## The Doug

Ting, ting a tong. Make it timple, to lat your whole life long...


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> Ting, ting a tong. Make it timple, to lat your whole life long...


Being naturally curious, just _how does_ one lat?


----------



## The Doug

Tame way ad ebwyone awound you.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Ting, ting a tong. Make it timple, to lat your whole life long...


Earworm! Aaaaaaaarrrrgghh!


----------



## KC4

Got thumb ting in yo eaw?


----------



## Kazak

Bob McGwaf


----------



## KC4

Well, if you're happy and you know it.....


----------



## SINC

:clap:


----------



## Kazak

If you're zen and you know it, clap your hand . . .


----------



## SINC

Police: Thieves Steal Popular Goat


----------



## KC4

Of course, it's always the _popular_ ones. 

The goats Stinky and Butthead are still safe and sound.


----------



## SINC

Safe and sound perhaps, but goatesque nevertheless.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Stinky and Butthead are still safe and sound.


Biting tongue very hard . . .


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

I'm getting old. Can't keep up with the slang anymore. "Fire in the building": good thing or bad (bad) thing?


----------



## The Doug

Yes.


----------



## Kazak

Thanks, I think.

Does yes still mean yes?


----------



## SINC

Approximately. Except when it doesn't.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Thanks, I think.
> 
> Does yes still mean yes?


Bone, shadow, tree, car.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Bone, shadow, tree, car.


I confess: I had to look it up. I'll put that down to its being (almost) before my time.

The "test" version: goat, cowbell, cheese, fish.


----------



## Macfury

No. Nein. Nyet!


----------



## Kazak

Non. (There were five, right?)


----------



## The Doug

_So I'd like to know where you got the notion,
Said I'd like to know where you got the notion,
To rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
Rock the goat - don't tip the goat over,
Rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
Rock the goooooooooat..._


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> _So I'd like to know where you got the notion,
> Said I'd like to know where you got the notion,
> To rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
> Rock the goat - don't tip the goat over,
> Rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
> Rock the goooooooooat..._


:lmao::lmao::lmao::clap:


----------



## SINC

With apologies to Gordon Lightfoot:

All around old Cape Horn
Ships of the line, ships of the morn
Some who wish they'd never been born
They are the goats of Cape Horn 
Fal deral da riddle de rum
With a rim dim diddy
And a rum dum dum
Sailing away at the break of morn
They are the goats of Cape Horn


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> _So I'd like to know where you got the notion,
> Said I'd like to know where you got the notion,
> To rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
> Rock the goat - don't tip the goat over,
> Rock the goat - don't rock the goat baby,
> Rock the goooooooooat..._





SINC said:


> With apologies to Gordon Lightfoot:
> 
> All around old Cape Horn
> Ships of the line, ships of the morn
> Some who wish they'd never been born
> They are the goats of Cape Horn
> Fal deral da riddle de rum
> With a rim dim diddy
> And a rum dum dum
> Sailing away at the break of morn
> They are the goats of Cape Horn


A couple of good Goat N Oldies.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> A couple of good Goat N Oldies.


The first by Andy Kimcheese; the second by Goat-on Lightfoot.


----------



## SINC

Alas! though bards make verse sublime,
And lines to quote,
It takes a fool like me to rhyme
About a goat.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> The first by Andy Kimcheese..


I believe you are thinking of the song "Rock me Goatly" 

"Rock the Goat" was written and performed by Hues Capri-cation.


----------



## Kazak

Ack! My egoat has taken a bruising. My outlook is bleat. I may never cheese the same.


----------



## KC4

Tsk. Don't let it combleatly get your goat.


----------



## Kazak

But I have to protect my public fromage.


----------



## Chris

*sniff*
Did you cut the fromage?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Sorry Charlie, only good tuna get to be Starkist.


----------



## Kazak

On the other fin, any tuna can be starkers.


----------



## Macfury

Tell that to Arnie Nuvo at Continental Flange.


----------



## Kazak

ziegenkäse


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> ziegenkäse


Don't get in a schnitzel about it.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Don't get in a schnitzel about it.


----------



## The Doug

_Jean Genie, let yourself goat!_


----------



## SINC

I dream of Genie with the light goatee.


----------



## KC4

I dream of goatie with the white soft cheese.


----------



## KC4




----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Did ....did you just double dip that chip?


----------



## Kazak

George Goatstanza


----------



## KC4

Goat dip.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Goat dip.


A bit like sheep dip with oats in it?


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Goat dip.


I was thinking Mahatma Goatdip, who called for the nonviolent consumption of gardens.


----------



## SINC

How about a little aggoatian music to goalka by?


----------



## Kazak

Another intellectually stimulating afternoon in Harper's backyard. Later, they will bob for hair products.


----------



## The Doug

And Brandy does her best to understand.


----------



## Kazak

I pull my old blue jeans on.


----------



## SINC

One leg at a time, I trust?


----------



## Kazak

People wear them on their legs? 

Major rethink required.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

"the hardest part of love is ladder goat"


----------



## KC4

If you love her ladder goat.


----------



## Kazak

I miss Club Laddergoat.


----------



## KC4

I know nussing about Club Laddergoat. 
It rung no bells.


----------



## Kazak

It didn't win any No Bells prizes, either.


----------



## SINC

Maybe there wasn't enough cowbell to win?


----------



## cap10subtext




----------



## Kazak

Fetchez la vache!


----------



## KC4

Beware the Cattlepult!


----------



## Kazak

Those French knights will go bullistic on you.


----------



## SINC

But they're bovine to watch.


----------



## Kazak

You're in trouble if they call you an im-Bessie-le.


----------



## KC4

You can bet your ox on that.


----------



## cap10subtext

I cud bet the farm, but by now it's a moo point.


----------



## SINC

You have to have the stomaches for it.


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> You have to have the stomaches for it.


Cud you be more specific?


----------



## SINC

Four-tunately, I can.


----------



## Kazak

Ewe may not have herd that this has goat to be my 5,000th post. Woot! Moot! Moof!


----------



## KC4

000S x tooW!
Kazak stargnoC!


----------



## Kazak

So far, no one has given me the "You're pasture prime" rib.


----------



## KC4

That's just HORSE RADISH!


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> HORSE RADISH!


Like Steinbeck's "Red Pony."


----------



## KC4

(Kount Kazak tries to have a healthier vegetarian diet, but fails)

"Stick a steak in me - I'm done!"


----------



## cap10subtext

KC4 said:


> (Kount Kazak tries to have a healthier vegetarian diet, but fails)
> 
> "Stick a steak in me - I'm done!"


How positively vampiric. Was this a type O?


----------



## Kazak

All my mistakes are type Os. Hornets.


----------



## KC4

To Bee, Hornets to Bee.


----------



## Kazak

Wasp you talkin' 'bout?


----------



## cap10subtext

I have a bee in my bonnet.


----------



## The Doug

Due to budget cutbacks, this post will be shorter tha


----------



## Kazak

Yeah, those cutbacks can sting.


----------



## The Doug

O death, where is thy Gordon Sumner?


----------



## KC4

In fields of gold.


----------



## screature

Ahh yes... fields of barley.... Mmmm... beer...


----------



## KC4

He said he'd beer soon, but I barley gnome.


----------



## Kazak

Wheat yeast a minute. Barley growing to do this a grain?


----------



## The Doug

Yes and it'll all be spelt correctly.


----------



## Chris

Wort are you going to do? Hop to it?


----------



## KC4

I dunno, ale have to drink about it.


----------



## The Doug

That'll keep you stout enough so as to not be put off by the occasional draft.


----------



## SINC

But just in case, keep your pills near.


----------



## Kazak

This is unbeerable. You're all a bunch of hics.


----------



## Ena

I'll con-cider that remark.


----------



## Macfury

Ena said:


> I'll con-cider that remark.


Hooch-ose you to talk?


----------



## SINC

If your sippin' like her, it could be Jack Daniels.


----------



## KC4

Tequila? No, no, it was just loaded with rock salt.

It will just STING a little.


----------



## SINC

With every breath you take, no doubt?


----------



## screature

And with every move you make.


----------



## Ena

Shake, rattle and roll.


----------



## Macfury

Snake, wattle and goat?


----------



## KC4

Wattle bee the re-salt of all this batter?


----------



## Kazak

Ass salt and bat tree.


----------



## KC4




----------



## SINC

Talk about being goated into motion . . .


----------



## Kazak

Those are both entertaining videos, but for something really funny, read this.

Our poor mayor is going to lead a life of frustration for decades to come.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Food so fresh, you'll want to slap it.


----------



## Kazak

. . . and then you eat _it_.


----------



## SINC

Provided you don't get entongueled in it.


----------



## Kazak

Terms of Entonguelment


----------



## Macfury

Linguini Alfresco.


----------



## KC4

When your relationship with food gets to the point it's slipping you the tongue, I'm alfredo it's time for a diet.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> When your relationship with food gets to the point it's slipping you the tongue, I'm alfredo it's time for a diet.


Yep, you'll have that little problem licked in no time.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Yep, you'll have that little problem licked in no time.


Unless of course it's pasta time. Then you would be late.


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## KC4

Ewe goat ta be kiddin' me.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Ewe goat ta be kiddin' me.


Disgoating, wasn't it?


----------



## cap10subtext

+


----------



## KC4

Just another reason I'll never sleep with wool bedding.


----------



## KC4

Here they come
The boys in the black and white orca
Waving their fins in the air
Who do they think they are?
And where did they get that shark?

There they go
The boys in the black and white orca
Honking at all the gills
It's jack-fish-of spades Stan
And Jerry's a harbor-man

ladadada
ladadada
Daaaaa

ladadada
ladadada
Daaaa

There they go
The waves are reelin’ and rollin'
Some old lady called the cops 
Said the shark is probably stolen, stolen

There they go
The bays are really rollin'
Some old lady called the crabs 
Said the wharf is probably stolen, stolen

Here they come
The boys in the black and white orca
Waving their fins in the air
Who do they think they are?
And how did they get that far?

ladadada
ladadada
Daaaaa

ladadada
ladadada
Daaaaa


----------



## Kazak

A classic song by Grouper.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> A classic song by Grouper.


I thought only the U.S. airport TSA folks were groupers.


----------



## cap10subtext

"Is that a cod in your pocket? Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the line..."

The most embarrassing part is when they make you remove your flippers and wade through the X-ray.


----------



## KC4

Don't forget the finfamous case of the Trout-Bomber who believed his sacrifice would save his sole. Luckily the X-ray apprehended him before he became a holey mackerel. 

Police file excerpt:


----------



## Kazak

Not to submerge the finportance of reducing terrorfish activities, but we should also endorsal efforts to catch those puffers who are depleting the coral reefers, especially the hammered-head shark and the stonedfish.


----------



## Ena

Stoned fish? Better watch out for the Rock and roll cod. They've formed a new band called Co(l)d Play.


----------



## cap10subtext

I am the walrus. Can't you smell that smell?


----------



## The Doug

I do not smell anything; it must mean the seal is still intact.


----------



## cap10subtext

Let me check...










Yep, still there.


----------



## Kazak

We have learned to be more respectful of seal life, particularly from Jacques Whosegoat.


----------



## KC4




----------



## cap10subtext

2000 posts! Not to club you over the head with it but this one seals the deal.


----------



## The Doug

No, seal a _meal!_


----------



## SINC

No, steal a meal . . .


----------



## KC4

Dazey also makes a floor cleaner. It's called a Vacuum Seal.


----------



## Kazak

And don't forget Frig-o-Seal.


----------



## KC4

Is that Paddy O'Seal's troublesome little brother?


----------



## Kazak

If I rubber seal, will I get slapped?


----------



## The Doug

Is this the part where we're all supposed to say, "no but if you hum a few bars?".


----------



## Kazak

Questions, anyone?


----------



## KC4

If humming birds don't know the words, why don't they learn them?


----------



## Kazak

Quel temps fait-il?


----------



## Macfury

Il pleut, il neige.


----------



## Kazak

Ska vi invadera Grönland?


----------



## The Doug

_J'ai perdu le do de ma clarinette!_


----------



## KC4

Tska. Inte nu. Kan du inte se jag äter sill?


----------



## SINC

vos amuse mihi per vestri lingua solers


----------



## cap10subtext

私は私の応答は非常に雄弁になる日本の知っていれば、しかし、私はGoogleの翻訳に減少しています。


----------



## Kazak

Braslun gwirion.


----------



## KC4

Hupsu jono kanisteri olla hauskuus!


----------



## KC4TheSequel

setjast niður, breiðnefur er í raun kjánalegt


----------



## KC4

פּלאַטיפּי קענען ניט שפּילן אַ סאַקסאָפאָן.


----------



## The Doug

01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101011 01100011 00110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01110001 01110101 01100101 01101100 ?


----------



## SINC

˙ʍou ʎllıs uıɐd ʇsnɾ sı sıɥʇ


----------



## Kazak

Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon 
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol 
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101011 01100011 00110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01110001 01110101 01100101 01101100 ?


Vem: Mini Me
Vad: Den inhemska tonåring

Det är vårt fel. Hon måste ha tilltalats av den höga grad av enfald i denna tråd. Nu, om vi spela död, kanske hon låt oss vara. Det fungerar ibland för mig, men det är en utmaning i köpcentra.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon
> Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol
> Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel


Sing. Sank. Sun King.


----------



## cap10subtext

I think my Babel fish is on the fritz and chips.


----------



## KC4

Pray to Cod that it's still under warranty. When they go bad, they'll only speak Finnish.


----------



## Kazak

Except in the morning, when they speak Danish.


----------



## Ena

In the evening. a Laplander like your lonely cat.


----------



## Kazak

They look bitter, but they actually taste Swedish.


----------



## The Doug

A fairly polished response I must say.


----------



## SINC

Indeed, nearly Pledge like.


----------



## KC4

I need more Lemon Pledge...


----------



## cap10subtext

I pledge a Lemon to the flag,
And to the Grapefruit for which it stands...


----------



## SINC

That'll cause quite a flap.


----------



## Kazak

. . . in God citrus.


----------



## SINC

. . . orange you stretching the point?


----------



## Kazak

Do you question the sublime?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Can't keep up with those shotgun weddings.


----------



## KC4

They prefer it when you run.


----------



## Kazak

They refer it when you pun.

I know my humour will usually Palin comparison to yours. Que Sarah Sarah. If I want your opinion, Governor, Alaska.


----------



## SINC

Opinions are like ass wholes. Everyone has won.


----------



## KC4

,,,my git up and goat
has goat up and left...


----------



## The Doug

You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha! You betcha!

∞


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> ∞


Lazy bum.


----------



## KC4

Cow tipping: 
What's the right percentage?


----------



## Kazak

kc4 said:


> cow tipping:
> What's the right percentage?





the doug said:


> ∞


+/- 5%


----------



## SINC

cow tipping, goat slipping . . .


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Lazy bum.


You betcha!


----------



## Ena

The Doug said:


> You betcha!


Would a bippy by any other name be as sweet?


----------



## Dr.G.

Ena said:


> Would a bippy by any other name be as sweet?


You can bet your sweet bibby it would, Ena. 

Of course some might contend that that which we call a Bard, by any other name, would still smell like Bacon.


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> that that which


Grammatically correct, but "Ouch."

And speaking of Francis, what did he bring home?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Grammatically correct, but "Ouch."
> 
> And speaking of Francis, what did he bring home?


I think that Francis brought home empiricism.

Gramatically speaking, I might have said "cum hoc ergo propter hoc" (Latin for "with this, therefore because of this"), but that is for another day that may or may not come. We shall see. 

Now, on to the test ............... 

Paix, mon ami.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> And speaking of Francis, what did he bring home?


He would have brought home Vancouver Island but alas, it was too large to carry.


----------



## SINC

Not to mention too shaky to live on.


----------



## KC4

Batter than Shakin' and Bacon on the California coast.


----------



## Kazak

Speare us the Elizabethan humour.


----------



## Ena

*ahem ahem* We are amuse bouche.


----------



## Kazak

We are DEVO!​


----------



## The Doug

You have done your duty now, for the future!


----------



## Kazak

You betcha!


----------



## The Doug

Betcha? Betcha... betcha... bet! _Bet!_ 

Planet Poker! Jupiter Gin! Place your bets! Place your bets! Place your bets!


----------



## Kazak

You better, you bet.


----------



## cap10subtext

Betcher bottom dollaaaaaa!!!


----------



## Macfury

I'd buy THAT for a dollar!


----------



## Kazak

I'll betcha, dollars to doughnuts . . .


----------



## KC4

Who’ll give me a one dollar bid, now two,
Now two, who’s gonna give me three?
Three, three dolla bid, who’s gonna give me four?
Dolla dolla, who’ll give me a four dolla bill,
A four dolla bill?
I got a four dolla bill!
What you see is what you get,
And you’ll get what you can’t see, too!
Now, who’ll give me a nine dollar bill,
A nine dollar bill?
(SMASH!)
Okay Okay, and we’ll even include the pieces!
High five, five dollas. Who’s got five dollas, Just five dollas will take it home.
Five dolla dolla,
Hey, wake up out there!


----------



## The Doug

You can say that again.


----------



## Kazak

Who’ll give me a one dollar bid, now two,
Now two, who’s gonna give me three?
Three, three dolla bid, who’s gonna give me four?
Dolla dolla, who’ll give me a four dolla bill,
A four dolla bill?
I got a four dolla bill!
What you see is what you get,
And you’ll get what you can’t see, too!
Now, who’ll give me a nine dollar bill,
A nine dollar bill?
(SMASH!)
Okay Okay, and we’ll even include the pieces!
High five, five dollas. Who’s got five dollas, Just five dollas will take it home.
Five dolla dolla,
Hey, wake up out there!


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Who’ll give me a one dollar bid, now two,
> Now two, who’s gonna give me three?
> Three, three dolla bid, who’s gonna give me four?
> Dolla dolla, who’ll give me a four dolla bill,
> A four dolla bill?
> I got a four dolla bill!
> What you see is what you get,
> And you’ll get what you can’t see, too!
> Now, who’ll give me a nine dollar bill,
> A nine dollar bill?
> (SMASH!)
> Okay Okay, and we’ll even include the pieces!
> High five, five dollas. Who’s got five dollas, Just five dollas will take it home.
> Five dolla dolla,
> Hey, wake up out there!


A nine dollar bill??? What century are you in??? Those were replaced by the coin, which we call "noonie". Get with the times, mon ami.


----------



## cap10subtext

Dr.G. said:


> A nine dollar bill??? What century are you in??? Those were replaced by the coin, which we call "noonie". Get with the times, mon ami.












Noooooooonie noonie noonie noon noon noon!!


----------



## KC4

Noon o'that now.


----------



## Kazak

Noon o'that now,
Oh mist rolling in from
The back of that cow
Will al-ways be here,
Oh noon o'that now.


----------



## SINC

Noon nurse can be fun. beejacon


----------



## Kazak

Does Mrs. SINC know about this?


----------



## Kazak

I remember now. It was the subject of a very progressive show in the 1950s: The Homeynooners.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Does Mrs. SINC know about this?


Yep, matter of fact she IS a nurse.


----------



## The Doug

Hope she's not a terse nurse. Nothing worse.


----------



## KC4

Liver.
That's the wurst.


----------



## Kazak

Hope she's not a hearse nurse; they're redundant.

Maybe no nurse isn't good nurse.


----------



## Macfury

While making toast at the fireside
Nurse fell in the fire and died
And what makes it ten times worse
All the toast was burnt with nurse.


----------



## Kazak

She was pushed.


----------



## KC4

Must have been a case of frayed nurse.


----------



## Kazak

A case of Flambéed Nightingale.


----------



## Kazak

Woot! It's 00:22 PDT, and I'm the only member here. Time to look through everyone's sock drawers.


----------



## The Doug

Hey, there's an empty potato chip bag in my sock drawer this morning. And a pair of boxer shorts I don't remember buying - they're way, way too big.


----------



## cap10subtext

In other news...


----------



## Kazak

No whiteners...


----------



## KC4

The Doug said:


> Hey, there's an empty potato chip bag in my sock drawer this morning. And a pair of boxer shorts I don't remember buying - they're way, way too big.


Funny, I've had a pair like that go missing from my drawer. In its place there seems to be one new green and orange striped toe sock.


----------



## Kazak

All these years you people were blaming the dryer. Bwa-ha-ha.


----------



## The Doug

Rod Stewart: _Do Ya Think I'm Soxy?_


----------



## KC4

Better call CSI (Crime Sock Investigators)
There's been an illegal laundering operation going on.


----------



## The Doug

Something's afoot, surely.


----------



## KC4

Definitively some panty-hosiery going on.


----------



## SINC

I'm panting with anticipation at the outcome of it all.


----------



## Kazak

Maybe it's a new Boxer Rebellion.


----------



## The Doug

They are terrific dogs but yes, they can be difficult to train.


----------



## SINC

It should be noted however, that they can't drive trains.


----------



## Kazak

Once again, this thread has been derailed.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

In Russia, train comes through wall to catch Harry Potter.


----------



## Chris

Great, now my train of thought is derailed.


----------



## Kazak

I'm glad you're not crass when cross, Chris.


----------



## Ena

The crass is always greener on the other side..


----------



## SINC

Keep off the crass, willya?


----------



## Chris

No good double crasser.....


----------



## KC4

Ooooow, right in the crasser!


----------



## Kazak

Chris said:


> No good double crasser.....


You got me (crass and burn).


----------



## Ena

Who called the Crassbusters? Real or Extreme?


----------



## Kazak

You want watercrass with that?


----------



## The Doug

That's crassified information.


----------



## Macfury

Gasified inflammation


----------



## Kazak

Keep that things away from metal towers. Oh, the animality!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## cap10subtext

We come in peace. Leave your taps on trickle and your screendoors ajar.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Well, if my door's a jar, I guess that explains the rotting fruit smell.


----------



## Chris

My door's not a jar! It's more of a rectangle....


----------



## Kazak

If your door is a wrecked angle, you'd best leave it ajar.


----------



## KC4

Just don't let the square-rules in please.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Just don't let the square-rules in please.


No sweat, only square roots allowed.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> Just don't let the square-rules in please.


I know, square-rules drive you nuts.


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Talking about nuts, my door's a cuboid, a cupboard, a cupboid, a cuboard, a ... 

It's got a handle, just like me, and when you open it there's plenty of storage space. One of our doors when you open it there's an entire house with rooms behind it. When I was a lad, I was amazed what I'd find behind my bedroom door. One day it was the entire Atlantic Ocean. My poor old Mum went absolutely berserk especially at high tide. No wonder the Titanic went down so quickly or did it? I've seen photos of it on the Moon. All hushed up of course. No point getting people alarmed.


----------



## Dr.G.

Snapple Quaffer said:


> Talking about nuts, my door's a cuboid, a cupboard, a cupboid, a cuboard, a ...
> 
> It's got a handle, just like me, and when you open it there's plenty of storage space. One of our doors when you open it there's an entire house with rooms behind it. When I was a lad, I was amazed what I'd find behind my bedroom door. One day it was the entire Atlantic Ocean. My poor old Mum went absolutely berserk especially at high tide. No wonder the Titanic went down so quickly or did it? I've seen photos of it on the Moon. All hushed up of course. No point getting people alarmed.



You know my son's room then, SQ. 

Iceberg ahead .................


----------



## Snapple Quaffer

Then there were the icebergs, yes!

Try as you might, you can't hide an iceberg. Then you have to parry concerns about "your room's awfully cold ... ", and deflect questions about the noise when you've got a hunting party fleshing seals on the bedroom floor.

It's hard being a teenager. Nobody takes you seriously.


----------



## KC4

Thankfully, most of an iceberg will be under the carpet.


----------



## Kazak

Like the truth.


----------



## cap10subtext

Truth is in the iceberg of the becolder.


----------



## SINC

It's also often found in the beer holder.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Thankfully, most of an iceberg will be under the carpet.


True ............. except for the bumps.


----------



## Kazak

I see icy sea ice.


----------



## SINC

I sea it two.


----------



## cap10subtext

Icy dead people.


----------



## Kazak

cap10subtext said:


> Icy dead people.


= Zombies!


----------



## The Doug

*This Is Not A Drill*

Zombies have invaded the Test Thread. Time to deploy The Weapon.


----------



## Kazak

Ceci n'est pas une perceuse.​


----------



## cap10subtext

Ceci n'est pas une zombie.​


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Ceci n'est pas une bonne idée.​


----------



## Kazak

Ceci n'est pas une bonne idée aussi.​


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

. . . or are you just glad to see me?


----------



## The Doug

Alright, click here. Go on. You wanna. I know you're gonna.


----------



## Kazak

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Schlemeel, schlemazel, Pip and Caper Incorporated.


----------



## SINC

Eggzactly.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Too many captions; too little political correctness.

Anyone for goat cheese?


----------



## The Doug

The reviews are in!


----------



## SINC

And doggone good review they are!


----------



## Kazak

You're nobunny till somebunny eats you.


----------



## KC4

Hare of the dog.


----------



## Kazak

Fbish!


----------



## The Doug

Everybunny have fun tonight. 

Everybunny Wang Chung tonight.


----------



## Kazak

Everybunny's hopping for the weekend . . .


----------



## KC4

Hear Hear! One for all, and all for one!
(The Rabbiteer's Cheer!)


----------



## Kazak

R-a-b, b-i-t, v-r-m-n-t.


----------



## KC4

On this date in 1896, on this very site, 
nothing happened.


----------



## Kazak

Can we trust your memory?


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## KC4

My memory is of excellent character. ( just don't mention anything about shortness in front of it)


----------



## SINC

Your memory aside you did get that part about you being a character right.


----------



## Kazak

There are spice everywhere trying to curry flavour.


----------



## SINC

^
Reminiscent of a line from Dune.


----------



## Kazak

Muad'dibs on the spice.


----------



## SINC

Spice is nice on rice.


----------



## Kazak

Twice is nice; thrice is vice.


----------



## KC4

Four on the floor.


----------



## SINC

And she purrs like a kitten when the lake pipes roar.


----------



## SINC

Motorgoat


----------



## cap10subtext

Are we there yet? I gotta goat to the bathroom.


----------



## Kazak

Not really safe, but he keeps eating his helmet. (she?)


----------



## KC4

Helmet no fury like a goat horned.


----------



## SINC

Looks like a horn knee goat to me.


----------



## SINC

Now what am I goating to do?


----------



## KC4

Goat your motor runnin'
Head out on the high way...


----------



## Kazak

I told you, Jimmy, Daddy's staple gun is not a toy.


----------



## KC4

Jimmy was only trying to help with the goat's staple diet.


----------



## Kazak

Socially awkward moment when one mountain quietly mentions to another mountain that he has a goat stuck to his face.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Nope, reckon we don't want Jones to come back.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Nope, reckon we don't want Jones to come back.


You're safe, as I recall didn't someone lock Davey up?


----------



## Kazak

Nah, there's a Monkees reunion tour almost every year.


----------



## SINC

I know, and they're still sporting those bowl hair cuts . . .


----------



## Kazak

L to R: Mike, Mickey, Davey, Peter, Roscoe (the 5th Monkee)


----------



## cap10subtext

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.






Dunno what to say da monkees won' do...


----------



## KC4

No more monkeys jumpin' on the bed!


----------



## Kazak

Though quiet on the show, on the road the drummer was praised by groupies for his peter tork.


----------



## Ena

The Dj was starting to annoy people by his constant playing of the 1974 album by Joni Mitchell called 'Tork and Spark'


----------



## KC4

I think we've come to a Tork in the road.


----------



## SINC

Long as it's not a fork in the Toad, I hear they're not so tasty.


----------



## The Doug

Come to think of it, I'll have to have toad in a hole one night this week for sups.


----------



## Kazak

Kiss that frog, you will meet your prince.


----------



## Macfury

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

Gooters rule!


----------



## Macfury

Simply goatesque.


----------



## Kazak

Scooters are goat!


----------



## Macfury

Heil goat!


----------



## Kazak

Now you've gone and triggered memories of Heilgoat Prommer, a pretty girl from elementary school.


----------



## KC4

Pretty maybe, but she was always butting into everyone else's business and then eating their homework.


----------



## Kazak

Aliens Ate My Buick!


----------



## KC4

That auto make them Puick.


----------



## SINC

I'm surprised they could a Ford a Buick.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## cap10subtext

To boldly goat where no man has gone before...


----------



## Kazak

Even Shatner's attempts to stop himself from overacting resulted in overacting.


----------



## KC4

I just thought the tribbles must have gotten into the beans again.


----------



## Kazak

Quadrotriticaleisticexpialidocious,
If your tribbles get in it, the smell will be atrocious,
Even though you slap your face, your gas will be explosive,
Quadrotriticaleisticexpialidocious.


----------



## The Doug

Um tribble tribble tribble um tribble aye... um tribble tribble tribble um tribble aye...


----------



## KC4

A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine goat down. (that fluffy fur on the bottom)


----------



## Macfury

I once met a Tribble with a wooden leg named Smith....


----------



## KC4

That wasn't his leg.


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> That wasn't his leg.


Was he just glad to see me?


----------



## Tech Elementz

After its long 786 page life spread over 5 years, I am surprised this thing hasn't been closed....


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> Was he just glad to see me?


That's the trouble with Tribbles.


----------



## KC4

Tech Elementz said:


> After its long 786 page life spread over 5 years, I am surprised this thing hasn't been closed....


Welcome to the Test thread TE. You can Tech out any time you like, but you can clever achieve.


----------



## Kazak

tech elementz said:


> after its long 786 page life spread over 5 years, i am surprised this thing hasn't been closed....


----------



## SINC

Tribble is, we've all seen it.


----------



## KC4

Yep. Tribble, Tribble, Trolls and Troublous.


----------



## Kazak

Tribbles and Bits
Tribbles and Bits
I'm gonna get me some
Tribbles and Bits.


----------



## SINC

Speakin' of bits, check out the horns.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## KC4

Can somebody get the door please? The pizza's here.


----------



## Kazak

Open up. It's Terry Gilliam.


----------



## Tech Elementz

KC4 said:


> Welcome to the Test thread TE. You can Tech out any time you like, but you can clever achieve.





Kazak said:


>


LOL. Anyone want to tell me what you actually talk about in a "test" thread?


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Tribbles and Bits
> Tribbles and Bits
> I'm gonna get me some
> Tribbles and Bits.


Ya canna beat the rich, meaty gravy!


----------



## Macfury

Tech Elementz said:


> LOL. Anyone want to tell me what you actually talk about in a "test" thread?


No, man! You tell us!


----------



## KC4

Du you?


----------



## Kazak

Bork, bork, bork.

Quisling!


----------



## KC4

Apparently, you don't no d situasjon.


----------



## Kazak

Nor way.

Way.

Nor way.

Way. . .


----------



## KC4

It's my way or the Norway.


----------



## The Doug

For me it's Neitherway.


----------



## cap10subtext

Norway or the doorway.


----------



## Kazak

Norway for more pay.


---
- Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


----------



## cap10subtext

Did you ever henway a Norway?


----------



## Dr.G.

cap10subtext said:


> Did you ever henway a Norway?


Not sure, by my wife might know ............... just a minute, I'll Alaska. 

Asked her about a henway ............... and she said about 3 to 4 pounds.


----------



## Macfury

Hillary or Norgay?


----------



## SINC

Apparently the fight is on in here:


----------



## cap10subtext

SINC said:


> Apparently the fight is on in here:


50 quatloos on the big one...


----------



## Macfury

Bah, the newcomers are untrainable!


----------



## Kazak

At least one of them will miss a chunk of the season due to post-concussion syndrome, and the league will do little or nothing about it.


----------



## Macfury

A proper goat helmet protects not only the skull, but the tender area surrounding the tassel.


----------



## Kazak

But they sit in the penalty box and eat their helmets.


----------



## Kazak

Taking franchise name suggestions for the NGL:

- Chicago Black Goats
- Pittsburgh Penned Goats
- Colorado Have-a-Munch

Others?


----------



## Macfury

Tampa Bay Buc-caneaters


----------



## KC4

The Mighty Goats


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

^^ Why the goat chair never really caught on.


----------



## The Doug

It's a _monster!_


----------



## SINC

The Doug said:


> It's a _monster!_


No silly, 'tis but a monkey riding a goat.


----------



## cap10subtext

"I come from a long line of proud goat riding monkeys..."


----------



## Kazak

I saw how monkeys learned to do that in 2001: A Space Goattity. There was this giant goatbelisk . . . then they found another one on the Moonkey . . . then there was this computer called the Baaaaaa 9000.


----------



## Macfury

"What's that? Goat?"

"Something like that. Tastes the same anyway."


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Macfury

I'll have to admit... I don't get it, SINC!


----------



## Kazak

Must post . . .


----------



## cap10subtext

Macfury said:


> I'll have to admit... I don't get it, SINC!


Any excuse to go retro:

Stewardess: Knock-knock. 

Passenger 8: Who's there? 

Stewardess: Buh-bye. 

Passenger 8: Uh, I don't get it. 

Stewardess: There's nothing to get. Buh-bye.


----------



## Kazak

Dave's not here.


----------



## SINC

Peace folks . . .


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Sisyphus got nuttin' on dose dominoes.


----------



## SINC

Yup,


----------



## KC4

Oh oh, Domino....


----------



## cap10subtext




----------



## Kazak

9 + 2 = 11


----------



## Kazak

Woot! I've made Page One with my 5,714th post.


----------



## SINC

^ Shouldn't that read made one page?


----------



## johnp

First attempt -- surprise croak ... it worked!!

oops ... not quite!!


----------



## Kazak

Don't froget: Here toaday, gone toadmorrow.


----------



## Kazak

And we never, ever mention fish in this thread.

Never.


----------



## cap10subtext

Kazak said:


> And we never, ever mention fish in this thread.
> 
> Never.


I toadily agree.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> And we never, ever mention fish in this thread.
> 
> Never.


Fish Rule, dogs drool.


cap10subtext said:


> I toadily agree.


But mice are nice...
with a bit of spice.


----------



## SINC

Apparently no one gives a duck in this thread, so . . .


----------



## Kazak

That would be the Daffynitive image.


----------



## The Doug

I'm sure it Bugs you.


----------



## Kazak

As the Spanish say, ¿Porky?


----------



## SINC

Olé can you see?


----------



## KC4

Que Pasta?


----------



## Kazak

Candy is dandy, and liquor is quicker, but pasta is fasta.


----------



## The Doug

That's definitely not the message hidden in Bobbie Gentry's _Ode to Billy Goat_.


----------



## SINC

Nor his famous brother silly goat.


----------



## KC4

Black goats look better in their shades..


----------



## SINC

Yeah, but if you look around . . .


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> That's definitely not the message hidden in Bobbie Gentry's _Ode to Billy Goat_.


. . . the day that Billy Goat McRedLeicester chomped on the short and sassy fish.



KC4 said:


> Black goats look better in their shades..


by Genome Vanilla, who is obviously not a black goat, despite having the hair for it.


----------



## SINC

Goat hair, eh?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

One bad egg . . .


----------



## Macfury

The proeuf of the pudding is in one bad egg.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## johnp

Yuck ... there go any thoughts of having eggs for dinner today!! 
Lesson learned - never crack more than one egg in the same bowl.


----------



## Kazak

Omelette, gentille omelette,
Omelette, perhaps another day.


----------



## SINC

Now yer just eggin' me on . . .


----------



## KC4

Je le plunk sur votre téte, 
sur votre téte,
et la téte!

Ohhh, Omelette....


----------



## Kazak

Conjuger la verbe _plunker_:

je plunk
tu plunks
il/elle plunk
nous plunkons
vous plunkez
ils/elles plunkest


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Conjuger la verbe _plunker_:
> 
> je plunk
> tu plunks
> il/elle plunk
> nous plunkons
> vous plunkez
> *ils/elles plunkest*


Calisse! C'est _ils/elles plunkent_, mon tabarnac. Toé t'es ben plunké au bout.


----------



## SINC

Whine? All this mention of plonk cheapens the thread.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Calisse! C'est _ils/elles plunkent_, mon tabarnac. Toé t'es ben plunké au bout.


I knew it looked wrong. Merci for your correction, if not for your language.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

Clouseau's French was no better than mine.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Get that man an ice-cream Coen.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> Get that man an ice-cream Coen.


.... would a Coen stop the shaking, or just contribute to more!!


----------



## Kazak

Depends on whether he gets an Ethan dose, or a cup of Joel.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

"Nice try Jackson, but I got the job."


----------



## Kazak

What do you do?

Suck out the poison.


----------



## The Doug

I cannot suck anybody's leg who I'm not engaged to.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## The Doug

Wow, Lindsay Lohan looks worse than ever.


----------



## KC4

..and that was _after_ rehab...


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## The Doug

Never underestimate the power of Millicent Fogel.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Never underestimate the power of Millicent Fogel.


I'll keep that in Maya-nd.


----------



## SINC

I'll Inca bout it too.


----------



## Kazak

Oh Millicent Fogel,
Wouldn't sleep with a mogul,
But became an actress just the same.
Her future was planned out,
She married Martin Landau,
And later turned into his Bain.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

That guy. On the left. About halfway up. The one who looks like Martin Balsam. Get him some happy pills, STAT.


----------



## SINC

What's Charlie Sheen doing in there? (row 5 fourth from left)


----------



## Kazak

Hard to tell when he's sitting.


----------



## SINC

But . . .


----------



## Kazak

September 25 is one of several days each year that I remember the ones I have lost.






​


----------



## KC4

Almost every morning, I am reminded of the Juans I've lost.


----------



## Kazak

Fairy tale characters miss all the once they've lost.


----------



## Kazak

A ginger sling with a pineapple heart


----------



## KC4

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.


----------



## The Doug

Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.


----------



## Kazak

I'm not left-handed, either.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

First, faster-than-light neutrinos, now bagpipes that move while their fabric remains motionless. Einstein's have a bad week.

If only for today, I am unafraid.


----------



## The Doug

Kazak said:


> Einstein's have a bad week.


Yes he sure are.


----------



## Kazak

Kazak's Kredibility Kounter:

*0* days with no egregious proofreading errors


----------



## KC4

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.


----------



## Kazak

That's a human ear all right.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> That's a human ear all right.


Does it have mold on it?


----------



## SINC

Macfury said:


> Does it have mold on it?


Ah, now we're back in more familiar territory . . .


----------



## KC4

First rule of Cheese Club is - you do not talk about Cheese Club.


----------



## The Doug

The second rule of the Cheese Club is, that's a human ear alright.


----------



## SINC

Speakin' o'cheesy . . .


----------



## Kazak

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.


----------



## Kazak

Those are not your cookies, Bud.


----------



## KC4

But this is your cake, Kazak! 







Happy Birthday!


----------



## SINC

Happy returns of the day Kazak!


----------



## The Doug

Mais oui! Bonne fête Monsieur Kazak!


----------



## Kazak

Merci, cher Doug. Le monde, c'est rien sans comic, n'est-ce pas?

You others, I will take the "old goat" implications with a grain of salt, knowing that I'm still a pup (kid?) by comparison.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

The word "dugs" comes to mind. (No offense to any homophonous posters in this thread.)


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

What? Tear off a dog's back?


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

duckweed began


----------



## SINC

began da begine


----------



## Kazak

began = someone who only eats food got by solicitation


----------



## KC4

Begans: They get the moochies very frequently.


----------



## Kazak

Megans are nuts.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Where there's a Willem, there's a way.


----------



## KC4

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that room. . . . Oh, wait...


----------



## Kazak

When they were filming _Twister_, no one wanted to be a wall on the fly.


----------



## SINC

Not to worry, I'll get that fly.


----------



## KC4

BANG! 
(s'OK, I got 'im...that was annoying)


----------



## Kazak

Was Jack the Ripper in fact a sixty-foot sea serpent from Scotland?


----------



## Macfury

What about the nine kids I didn't lose this week?


----------



## KC4

Ever see a shirt make a phone call?


----------



## SINC

No, but then again, I've never seen a snake wear a vest.


----------



## Kazak

Okay, who told?


----------



## SINC

You So


----------



## Kazak

Obviously, there's been a major bleach insecurity.


----------



## SINC

According to the Asian chap you quoted?


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

We used to have a candle like that. It was fun to take the stretchy white stuff off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on, then take it off, then put it back on . . .


----------



## Kazak

The hills are alive with Lorenzo Music.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> The hills are alive with Lorenzo Music.


Henrietta still weeps.


----------



## Kazak

It's been ten years; she should make her own kind of Music.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Well, can you blame him?


----------



## KC4

I think it must have been playing Captain and Tennille's "Muskrat Love".


----------



## The Doug

Which was actually written by:


----------



## KC4

That ladder in the background? It should have been on the other side of the wall so people could at least escape.


----------



## Kazak

Yes, The Captain and Tennille: the duo who taught us that "Disney" has three syllables.

Is there anyone who didn't have a variety show in the 70s?


----------



## SINC

He didn't:


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> He didn't:


Don't be too sure. I bet in the uncropped photo you can see Yarnell right beside him, with an equally goofy look on her face.


----------



## Kazak

Wishing a happy birthday to the fishy one. Shouldn't you have some more grey in that disguise?





​


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Don't be too sure. I bet in the uncropped photo you can see Yarnell right beside him, with an equally goofy look on her face.


I think you're right. I can see the goat's pipe as he performs the robot act.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Wishing a happy birthday to the fishy one. Shouldn't you have some more grey in that disguise?
> View attachment 21937​


Thanks. I use Grey-fin Formula.


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> Thanks. I use Grey-fin Formula.


Congrat's on the birthday ... and I've found that 'stuff' works good on my beak too!!


----------



## KC4

johnp said:


> Congrat's on the birthday ... and I've found that 'stuff' works good on my beak too!!


Hah! Thanks! Nice , um, hair.


----------



## Kazak

They'll let anybody drive these days.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## Kazak

No problems with hands-free devices for that kid.


----------



## KC4

Butt he can probably use the extra horn.


----------



## SINC

I think of Mickey Mouse when I see this . . .


----------



## Kazak

"My God -- it's full of stars!"


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> "My God -- it's full of stars!"


Then came_ Starlost_.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

byog


----------



## KC4

Dreamgoat Annie knew the song was just for her.


----------



## Kazak

(with apologies to the SPCG) (apologies to Ann and Nancy, too--especially Nancy)

Munching junk this morning, in the sun
Climbing up the nearby cliffs, little hornèd one

A warm wind upset her
Her downfall it seems
Oh Annie, Dreamgoat Annie
Your splat broke your seams.

(Won't be maaaa for awhile . . .)


----------



## The Doug

Dang, I can't read Doctor Zhivagoat with that song stuck in my head.


----------



## Kazak

You could watch the movie starring Goatmar Sharif.


----------



## SINC

You might want to try something a little less taxing when a song's in your head. Watch an episode of Pettygoat Junction instead.


----------



## Kazak

Or an episode of the Mary Tieyour Goat Show, with Mary and the crew: Moo Grant, Merry Slaughter (isn't that telling?), etc.


----------



## SINC

Or even that old movie gem Showgoat with Coward Heel and Ava Goatner.


----------



## The Doug

Why watch movies or television when there are so many great Kurt Vonnegoat novels to read?


----------



## KC4

With great characters like Kilgoat Trout!


----------



## Macfury

Loved _Goat's Cradle _and _Mohair Night_.


----------



## Kazak

I'm partial to _Goatbeard_ and _Sirens of Goatan_, myself.


----------



## SINC




----------



## Kazak

Activities such as these should come with a dis-Kramer.


----------



## SINC

That may be, but I just had to Kram it in.


----------



## Dr.G.

Long Live Kramania.


----------



## Kazak

pork chopsh and apple shosh


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

I can't stand it either when the cream in the coffee curdles.


----------



## Kazak

Ooh, I love Curdles. (Picture me in a tophat and fishnets.) (Good luck sleeping tonight.)


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Ooh, I love Curdles. (Picture me in a tophat and fishnets.) (Good luck sleeping tonight.)


Why couldn't you just be in the chorus wearing a monocle?


----------



## KC4

This should fit nicely over the top hat.


----------



## Kazak

I thought you'd be morally opposed to those devices, hook, line, and sinker.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Why couldn't you just be in the chorus wearing a monocle?


Only a monocle? You'd never sleep again.


----------



## KC4

kazak said:


> i thought you'd be morally opposed to those devices, hook, line, and sinker.










My moray eels are adaptive.


----------



## KC4

Macfury said:


> Why couldn't you just be in the chorus wearing a monocle?


...and this two shell come to pass....


----------



## SINC

Two shell lacking?


----------



## Kazak

Two's hell; three's a school?


----------



## The Doug

Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely goat herd.


----------



## KC4

We'll 'ave Noone o' that!


----------



## Macfury

I'm into something goat!


----------



## Kazak

Something told you?


----------



## Macfury

She's the kind of goat who's full of fire
And I can tell I'm her kind of sire


----------



## Kazak

As sung by the Goatridge Family.


----------



## Macfury

She had a dream we'd be grazin together,
But I'd grab a little doeling, then I'd keep movin' on.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Dangerous to be seen in public with your ass in the air.


----------



## KC4

Better than dragging it on the ground.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Better than dragging it on the ground.


Indeed:


----------



## KC4

That explains why the gas mileage sucked.


----------



## SINC

Whatever goats your float . . .


----------



## Kazak

Don't pay the dairyman.


----------



## SINC

Or the ferry man?


----------



## Dr.G.

How about "The Rowdyman"?
Rowdyman - Ending - YouTube


----------



## Kazak

You should pay the hairy man, or else he'll slap you with a hirsute. Don't mullet over too long.


----------



## Kazak

Ten days till Testmas. What do you hope Santest will bring you?


----------



## SINC

I am hoping for a bag of chocolate testimints.


----------



## Kazak

Old or New?


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Old or New?


New of course. Old chocolate gets white and crappy. Matter of fact it's notest by any fine chocolate connoisseur.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Put on a reingoat before you leave the house.


----------



## Kazak

Or . . . who puts the rude in Rudolph?


----------



## KC4

At least he was wearing gloves.


----------



## SINC

Which was gloverly to see.


----------



## Kazak

The first Göatel . . .


----------



## KC4

...the Angoras did say,
Was to certain poor goatherds in fields as they lay,


----------



## Kazak

In fields where they lay washing their goats,
On a cold winter's night without no coats.

Göatel, göatel,
Göatel, göatel,
Bored is the thing twixt Abe and Is'bel.

(apologies for the goatherd gRAMmar)


----------



## KC4

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing goats we traverse afar
Field and faintin', milk and mountain
Following yonder star.....


----------



## Kazak

gooooooat . . .
Hoof will wander, hoof will fight
Hoof will climb all through the night
Westward eating, always feeding
Guide us to the garbage site.


----------



## The Doug

.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Maa, the hairy goats do sing,
Goats will chew through anything . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Maa, the hairy goats do sing,
> Goats will chew through anything . . .


.


----------



## Kazak

. . . Feast on earth, and dirt seems mild,
Goats are thinner when they're wild.


----------



## Kazak

a Christmas haiku
this is a Christmas haiku
a Christmas haiku


----------



## Kazak

goat cheese for Christmas
celebration fermenting
sing Hallegruyere!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> . . . Feast on earth, and dirt seems mild,
> Goats are thinner when they're wild.


Playful all ye goats arise
Toying with the fireflies
Will angelic goats proclaim
"Crises warn of butts to head!"


----------



## Kazak

Just to finish:

Maa, the hairy goats do sing,
Goats will chew through anything.


----------



## Kazak

Goat, tell it on the mountain . . .


----------



## KC4

Here, let me fix that for you...



Kazak said:


> Goat, *s*ell it on the mountain . . .



Cover the hills and everywhere
Goat , sell it on the mountain,
Goat Cheeses Bites is born!


----------



## SINC

All this is making me want to regoatitate.


----------



## The Doug

Baa la la la la, la la la la...


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Baa la la la la, la la la la...


In the spirit of Eric Blair:

Wreck the halls with goatish folly
Baa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the reason goats are jolly
Baa la la la la, la la la la
Chew the socks off Ray and Darrell
Baa la la, la la la, la la la
Trolls don't scare us, you take Carol
Baa la la la la, la la la la

We are grazing near the forest
Baa la la la la, la la la la
Eat the harp and butt the chorus
Baa la la la la, la la la la
Follow me for hairy pleasure
Baa la la, la la la, la la la
Human trash is goatish treasure
Baa la la la la, la la la la

Maa! I wear the master's glasses
Baa la la la la, la la la la
Heed my orders, you dumb asses
Baa la la la la, la la la la
Herd the chorus to the heather
Baa la la, la la la, la la la
Let them taste the winter weather
Baa la la la la, la la la la

[big finish]
Baa la la la la . . . la la . . . la . . . la!


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Kazak

Merry Costanza and a Happy Kramer?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> In the spirit of Eric Blair:
> 
> Wreck the halls with goatish folly
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> 'Tis the reason goats are jolly
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> Chew the socks off Ray and Darrell
> Baa la la, la la la, la la la
> Trolls don't scare us, you take Carol
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> 
> We are grazing near the forest
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> Eat the harp and butt the chorus
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> Follow me for hairy pleasure
> Baa la la, la la la, la la la
> Human trash is goatish treasure
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> 
> Maa! I wear the master's glasses
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> Heed my orders, you dumb asses
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> Herd the chorus to the heather
> Baa la la, la la la, la la la
> Let them taste the winter weather
> Baa la la la la, la la la la
> 
> [big finish]
> Baa la la la la . . . la la . . . la . . . la!


Woot!


Happy Christmas to all and to all a goat night!


----------



## SINC

Merry Goatmas


----------



## Kazak

Yeah, he's cute now. Just wait until you find holes in your boxers.


----------



## SINC

Cute boxers


----------



## Kazak

Kids these days . . .


----------



## KC4

SINC said:


> Merry Goatmas


Is that a grey sweater on a white goat, or white pants on a grey goat?
The black mitts and socks are a nice touch.


----------



## Kazak

The busy goat buys beauty.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> The busy goat buys beauty.


.


----------



## Kazak

That man appears to have a Trojan goat on his wall.


----------



## SINC

Nope that's Stephen Colbert's mentor, the Jackass.


----------



## Kazak

belches portent


----------



## The Doug

Siggy played guitar...


----------



## Kazak

We are stardust, we are goaten . . .


----------



## KC4

Aaaaand we've got to get our goat back to the garrrden!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

A WOOOF! A WOOOF! A WOOOF is in the Test Thread!


----------



## Kazak

the goat is dead = goaded atheist 

(there is a goat)


----------



## Dr.G.

"I think, therefore I gloat" ........... so said Gilgamesh the Goat of Goliath, Georgia.


----------



## Kazak

Gee golly gosh, Dr. G. gallantly grabbed a great group of G words, by Goat.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Gee golly gosh, Dr. G. gallantly grabbed a great group of G words, by Goat.


 Yes, I was inspired by reading "Golly Gee - It's Me: The Howie Meeker Story".


----------



## SINC

Quick, somebody call the Great Goatzoo.


----------



## cap10subtext

The Great Goatzoo gives me Deja Vu. Are you sure we aren't goating around in circles?


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Quick, somebody call the Great Goatzoo.


Was not the Great Goatzoo related to Barney Google and the man who fathered Rootie Kazootie???

THE ROOTIE KAZOOTIE TV SHOW 1954 RARE FREE LIMITED TIME


----------



## Kazak

cap10subtext said:


> Are you sure we aren't goating around in circles?


Goat a problem with circles?

Cheese, some people.


----------



## SINC

*"He's my goat to guy!"*


----------



## Kazak

Approved by PETA (People for the Ethical Transportation of Animals).

Should have a helmet, though.


----------



## KC4




----------



## johnp

... nice colour and subtle sign!!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

KC4--that's obviously an anagram of THIS.
SINC--I told you kids to take your boards outside!


----------



## johnp

..... appropriate sign, at the time!!


----------



## Kazak

You can dance if you want to,
You can take your place in line,
'Cause your friends all dance, 
And when they all dance,
A bathroom trip can take some time.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Is your fridge running?


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Is your fridge running?


No, but he kicked Prince Albert in the can.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> Is your fridge running?


It keeps humming along, but doesn't seem to ever get anywhere!!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Is your fridge running?


No, but it is freon bail.


----------



## Kazak

Weird, I'm not used to being the straight man.

Wait . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Wait . . .


For the accodigoat


----------



## Kazak

Mama's got a squeezebox . . .


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Mama's got a squeezebox . . .


nanny never sleeps at night.


----------



## Macfury

Cause' she's braying all night
And the music's all right


----------



## Kazak

Well the kids don't eat


----------



## The Doug

But I always thought a kiddly divey too. Wooden shoe?


----------



## KC4

Wood din? A term might!


----------



## Kazak

Stop your carpin', Terrance.


----------



## SINC

No way!


----------



## KC4

That's a kind fettle of knish!


----------



## Kazak

It's Christy Clark when she isn't shape-shifting into "perky."


----------



## KC4

Christy Clark shape-shifts into dog food?


----------



## Kazak

It would be an improvement.


----------



## KC4

That's ruff.


----------



## SINC

Dan Ruff?


----------



## Kazak

Das Ruff?

(The harrowing saga of a WWII German Shepherd.)


----------



## SINC

hoo das?


----------



## Kazak

Every Herbert in Hoover liked Prawns Masala,
But the goats hulaed Chris Noth of Hoover, Don Knotts.


----------



## SINC

Knotts in Mayberry, didn't vacuum.


----------



## KC4

All men are equal before fish.
- Herbert Hoover

All fish are not equal before men. 
- Jaws


----------



## Kazak

Shave and a haircut


----------



## The Doug

Two bits?


----------



## Kazak

Cubits (ark ark)


----------



## The Doug

Puns - use 'em whenever you're Abel.


----------



## Macfury

I cain't.


----------



## Kazak

In the beginning, Goat created the heather and the herd.


----------



## SINC

Oh, brother(s)


----------



## Kazak

Paging Dr. Joyce . . .


----------



## Kazak

Aurora comes in view


----------



## KC4

A roaring boring Alice comes into...


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Forget Goatboy, we want the Ladied Beardie.


----------



## SINC

Hair today, gone tomorrow . . .


----------



## Ena

George Laser-by was the worst Bond ever!


----------



## Kazak

On Her Majesty's Secret Depilation Service.


----------



## Macfury

Thunderbald!


----------



## Ena

Baldrick!


----------



## Kazak

Dr. Neet


----------



## cap10subtext

Baaaaaaaald_finger_


----------



## Macfury

Q-ball.


----------



## Kazak

You Only Shave Twice


----------



## SINC

Burma Shave


----------



## The Doug

No, it's Republic of the Union of Myanmar Shave. Unless news of this hasn't reached Constantinople yet.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

James Bond always cut a stropping finger.


----------



## Macfury

Istanbul is Constantinople... and that's nobody's business but the Turks.


----------



## SINC

Macfury said:


> Istanbul is Constantinople... and that's nobody's business but the Turks.


So there!


----------



## SINC

Just Goat


----------



## Kazak

Burn, baby, burn, just goat inferno, burn, baby, burn.


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, burn goat = broat?


----------



## Kazak

Rock the broat, don't rock the broat, baby . . .


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Boy, George, that was a bad song.


----------



## Ena

Lloyd George knew my father/Father knew Lloyd George.


----------



## Dr.G.

Ena said:


> Lloyd George knew my father/Father knew Lloyd George.


Best sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Paix, mon amie.

Mormon Tabernacle Choir Onward Christian Soldiers - YouTube


----------



## Kazak

Yep, those castratgoats can really bleat the high notes.


----------



## SINC

You realize they ARE being watched . . .


----------



## Kazak

That's Stevie Nicks at the far end.


----------



## KC4

Right about the time she was writing the songs "Rhiananny" and "Stop Draggin my Horns Around".


----------



## Kazak

She co-sang the latter with Tom PetMe and the Fencejumpers.


----------



## KC4

I heard she was goating out with a rodeo pig named Linseed Bucking Ham.


----------



## SINC

She should have been with the Goatful Dread.


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> I heard she was goating out with a rodeo pig named Linseed Bucking Ham.


Who may have been eating too many of these?


----------



## Kazak

Hypnotoad!


----------



## johnp

Hypnogoat ...


----------



## The Doug

No, I think that's Madonna.


----------



## Kazak

So maybe those aren't ears that are sagging?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> So maybe those aren't ears that are sagging?




Talk about sagging ears .................


----------



## Kazak

Must be Madoxie.


----------



## KC4

Ewe Ant Doe Thing Butt a Hound Dog.


----------



## SINC

Love, love me doe.


----------



## KC4

Ewe know I love Gnu!


----------



## Kazak

I'll always beef stew.


----------



## javaqueen

sew peas, peas, peas, love me stew


----------



## SINC

Not only the test thread is infected with goats, apparently they're spreading to Apple stores . . .


----------



## Kazak

Looks like Clarus to me. Moof!


----------



## johnp

Ok, I'm watching you guys .....


----------



## SINC

Who, me?


----------



## Kazak

johnp: Kilroy was here, then I ate him.

SINC: Chewed-off, the white-nosed reingoat?


----------



## SINC

Jumpin' Geegoataphant!





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Oh I taught my goat to jump
Halleluuuujah,
Oh I taught my goat to jump
Halleluu-uu-jah.

Next I'll teach my fish to fly
Halle . . .


----------



## The Doug

Don't fear the leaper.


----------



## Kazak

Blue Cheese Hoist Your Goat


----------



## KC4

I've never liked any cheese strong enough to hoist a goat.


----------



## Kazak

More goatbell!


----------



## KC4

Hold your horses there, Co-Cheese....


----------



## Kazak

Four cheese a jolly good fellow . . .


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Four cheese a jolly good fellow . . .


That no nanny can deny...


----------



## Kazak

Nanny nanny,
Nanny nanny,
Na-nanny,
Goat-bye.


----------



## KC4

Well, I think I'm goating out of my head...


----------



## The Doug




----------



## SINC

Good grief it's the Wheel of Goatune!


----------



## Kazak

Those without dignity have none to lose.


----------



## Kazak

Who you gonna call?


----------



## SINC

Why, who else?


----------



## Kazak

Who's Next?


----------



## Macfury

First we got the bomb, and that was good,
'Cause we love peace and motherhood.
Then Russia got the bomb, but that's okay,
'Cause the balance of power's maintained that way.



Kazak said:


> Who's Next?


----------



## johnp

... nice coat ...


----------



## Kazak

Technically, it's not her pet quite yet. It's a leash-to-goat.


----------



## Kazak

Or maybe Macfury will warn us about the dangers of Commie pinkgoats.


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


>


Yellow card!!!!!!!!


----------



## Kazak

That kid's chalk full of reasons to keep his mouth shut.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> That kid's chalk full of reasons to keep his mouth shut.


:lmao::clap::lmao:XX)


----------



## johnp

.... well unless ...


----------



## The Doug

Rock the goat (don't rock the goat baby), rock the goat (don't tip the goat over)...


----------



## Kazak

For the defence:

1. The defendant jumped to the rocks and did not climb.
2. The defendant is facing the back of the sign.
3. The defendant cannot read.


----------



## SINC

Sounds like a lot of goatential evidence to me.


----------



## cap10subtext

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!


----------



## The Doug

True. Goats cannot baaa.

The goat below baaa baaa - baaa baaa, but without socks.


----------



## SINC

Yep, no socks with goafers.


----------



## KC4

Have you ever heard a shoe horn?


----------



## SINC

Not with its tongue out, no.


----------



## Kazak

Well gee, golly, galoshes.


----------



## SINC

My gal doesn't osh.


----------



## Kazak

Give her the boot.


----------



## SINC

For not oshing? Isn't that a bit harsh?


----------



## Kazak

Maybe you could rubber the wrong way. It's good for the sole.


----------



## SINC

I'd try, but she hates fish.


----------



## johnp

So that's how some goat up to those high spots!!


----------



## Dr.G.

Baby Goats Give Back Massage on MSN Video


----------



## johnp

I could use one of those goat massages about now!!


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> I could use one of those goat massages about now!!


Yes, very relaxing.


----------



## The Doug

Even more so when they are properly toilet-trained and are aware of basic massage etiquette.


----------



## johnp

... and wearing the 'right' shoes ..


----------



## KC4

I'm sorry sir, I didn't know the goat was loaded.


----------



## Kazak

I didn't low the note was goaded.


----------



## SINC

Wat's next, capra aegagrus hircus?


----------



## The Doug

Were Frank Capra alive he would be shocked that you know his nickname, wot?


----------



## Kazak

I don't know, he might be capravated. Or he might want to decapratate SINC. Tough call.


----------



## Dr.G.

The Doug said:


> Were Frank Capra alive he would be shocked that you know his nickname, wot?





Kazak said:


> I don't know, he might be capravated. Or he might want to decapratate SINC. Tough call.


Frank Capra would still think that "it's a wonderful life". However, he was upset when they changed the title of his movie "Mr. Goat Goes to Washington".  Seems as if Jimmy Stewart wanted to play the role of a rabbit named Harvey rather than a goat named Smith.


----------



## Macfury

I always enjoyed _Mr. Deeds Goats to Town_.


----------



## KC4

And then there was Billy-Jack Nicholson in "As Good as it Goats"


----------



## SINC

Not to mention that underwater thriller, "Das Goat".


----------



## Dr.G.

I have to admit that I was never a fan of "The Love Goat" -- hated the theme song even more. 

The Love Boat - YouTube


----------



## Dr.G.

I did like Clint Eastwood in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Goat", however.


----------



## Dr.G.

Goat Jumping On Bed Fail - YouTube


----------



## Macfury

Dr.G. said:


> I did like Clint Eastwood in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Goat", however.


_The Goat, the Baa and the Ugly?_


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> _The Goat, the Baa and the Ugly?_


:lmao::lmao::lmao:

Do goat "baa" or bleat???

Goat bleating - YouTube


----------



## Macfury

Dr.G. said:


> :lmao::lmao::lmao:
> 
> Do goat "baa" or bleat???


Meh?


----------



## KC4

Ask Baa Bah Taylor Baaford. She's goat to know.


----------



## Kazak

The Love Goat soon will be taking another chomp
The Love Goat promises you a Pan-tastic romp
You'll of course need new dentures
To keep up with each new goat dance . . . 

starring Goatin McLeod as Capt. Stewing
and Lauren Chewes as ChewMe


----------



## The Doug




----------



## Macfury

Love is all around...


----------



## SINC

Geez, where's Ted? I need a drink after all that.


----------



## Macfury

He's off on _A Comet Called Kahoutek_.


----------



## johnp

Harvest time!!


----------



## Kazak

Goats: they take a pickin' and keep on kickin'.


----------



## The Doug

Oh tie a yellow ribbon round the ole goat tree...


----------



## Kazak

...I've got two long ears
Do you still want me?
If I don't see a ribbon 'round the ole goat tree,
I'll chew on the bus, make a big fuss
And hoof it to D.C.,
If I don't see a ribbon 'round the ole . . . goat . . . tree.

(by Tony O'erlandgoat and Pan)


----------



## The Doug

Yes! Or is it no?


----------



## Macfury

You can't crush that boat. Gopher's still on board!!!!

(Okay, well, crush it _quickly_ then...)


----------



## Kazak

Rehire Vicki, then crush it slowly.


----------



## johnp

... a love goat.


----------



## Kazak

Kids these days . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Kids these days . . .


Yeah, but bleating them is no longer allowed.


----------



## Kazak

Blame it on those bleating-heart Liberals.


----------



## SINC

Sometimes a liberal bleating teaches a kid a lesson.


----------



## Macfury

Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone...


----------



## Kazak

Or "Hay, teacher."


----------



## johnp

"I'm watching you dog!!"


----------



## Kazak

Ixnay on the oatgay.


----------



## SINC

Not now, the kid's watching.


----------



## SINC

Let's goat surfing now . . .


----------



## Kazak

I'm glad they put a goatation device on it.


----------



## johnp

" I can see clearly now." or "Heh, come closer and make my day!!"


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I'm glad they put a goatation device on it.


Whatever floats your goat.


----------



## KC4

johnp said:


> " I can see clearly now." or "Heh, come closer and make my day!!"


A poster-goat for bleating edge techno-ledgy.


----------



## Kazak

Does my butt look big against the horizon?


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Does my butt look big against the horizon?


Hmmm, it does indeed look a bit gloated.


----------



## The Doug

Won't seem as bad if you add more ram to your computer.


----------



## Kazak

I want to see that goat at the end of a Jeep commercial, saying, "Hey, pal, some of us took the hard way up."


----------



## The Doug

Take The Hard Way Up is a popular, but arguably not the best, Suppertramp song.


----------



## Macfury

I like _Breakfast on a Merry Can._


----------



## Kazak

Breathing in the Wildest Doughnuts


----------



## Ena

Kazakblanca is on a lot of favourites lists.


----------



## Kazak

Ena said:


> Kazakblanca


Play that funky music, white dog.


----------



## SINC

Count Kazakula?


----------



## Kazak

I vant to soil your rug.


----------



## KC4

Mi Kazak, Su Kazak.


----------



## Kazak

I wish it was Sunday
Kazak's my fun day


----------



## johnp

.... but being retired, Monday's are not coloured so blue any more.


----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## Ena

Blue Monday 
Ingredients:
- 2 oz vodka
- 1/4 oz triple sec
- 1/4 oz blue curacao

Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass.


----------



## SINC

Ena said:


> Blue Monday
> Ingredients:
> - 2 oz vodka
> - 1/4 oz triple sec
> - 1/4 oz blue curacao
> 
> Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass.


You forgot to add, "- drink".


----------



## Kazak

I imagine it's pretty spectacular just to look at.


----------



## cap10subtext

That delightful shade of windex blue. Just like mom used to make.

And then she'd get mad...


----------



## Kazak

Something you'd like to share?


----------



## eMacMan

Been having a problem with the occasional post disappearing. Were they posts about what a rat some politician or another is, it would be understandable. However the latest victim was a posive comment about the weather. Sheesh!

Any ways this is a test to see if I can recreate the disappearing act. If so might be a great way to self edit posts that say something other than what I was attempting to say.


----------



## eMacMan

Test failed. Still no idea why the occasional post goes MIA.


----------



## johnp

.... might goat school help?


----------



## Kazak

eMacMan, your posts will probably stop disappearing now that "they" know you're watching. That's what the voices said, anyway.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> View attachment 23754


Now that is one giant step for froghood, and one big step for frogs.


----------



## johnp

Hear's to frogs ... it's a tough life for them, hope they can hold on!!!


----------



## The Doug

Given enough time, they will evolve into goats.


----------



## Macfury

Get your stinking hooves off of me, you damned dirty goats!


----------



## johnp

...... you want us?


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Given enough time, they will evolve into goats.


Comme ça?

frogs 
frags 
brags 
brads 
grads 
goads 
goats


----------



## The Doug

Amateur!

_Sincerely,

Doctor Moreau_


----------



## SINC

The man's an island.


----------



## Kazak

The Doug said:


> Amateur!
> 
> _Sincerely,
> 
> Doctor Moreau_


I expect you to die.

_Sincerely,

Auric Goldfinger_


----------



## The Doug

That is not an accepted Klingon expression.

_Sincerely,

Kahless the Unforgettable _


----------



## Kazak

When a man lies, he murders some part of the world.

_Sincerely,

Merlin_


----------



## KC4

You cheesy load of secondhand electric donkey bottom biters!

- French Guard


----------



## Kazak

When I say it, that's implying. How you take it, that's inferring.

_Sincerely,

Dexter Cornell_


----------



## KC4

Using infer read technology, of course.


----------



## Kazak

How to Make Friends and Inference People


----------



## Kazak

El bumpo.


----------



## Macfury

Bum elbow.


----------



## KC4

Oh, Bumble.


----------



## Macfury

La Bamba!


----------



## Kazak

LaToya


----------



## Macfury

Ayatollah


----------



## Kazak

Ay Caramba


----------



## johnp

Ay Yi Yi


----------



## SINC

aye aye


----------



## Macfury

Oyez oyez!


----------



## Dr.G.

Oy vey!!!!!!


----------



## Kazak

Tax evasion.


----------



## SINC

syn yax


----------



## Macfury

Yakkety Sax


----------



## johnp

yakkety fax


----------



## Kazak

Yakkety mea (U. Talk)


----------



## KC4

Poules en Liberté!


----------



## Macfury

Lait de poules (en liberté').


----------



## johnp

"We've been watching you chicken guys"!!


----------



## SINC

Oh really?


----------



## johnp

... goat taxi.


----------



## SINC

Don't use me for a skate goat.


----------



## johnp

What happened to a "scape goat" ...


----------



## Kazak

Goatanamera
Guajira goatanamera
Goatanamera
Guajira goatanamera


----------



## KC4

As sung by Cuba Goating, Señor!


----------



## Kazak

If you gotta goat,
Oh you better goat now . . .


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

What chew lookin' at?


----------



## Kazak

Chew talkin' to me?


----------



## SINC

Yep, right at chew.

Goats removed from Conn. high school roof overhang - abc27 WHTM


----------



## Kazak

What chew talking' bout, Billis?


----------



## SINC

This?


----------



## Kazak

No disputing the wisdom of Elbonians.


----------



## cap10subtext

Ah Elbonia. I remember vacationing there in 1899. Sunning my goat on a beach of broken glass and petroleum. Good times.

But you know what they say. You can't goat home again.


----------



## SINC

Elbonians, rarely captured in photos.


----------



## SINC

When my new wife told me she had a surprise for me in the bedroom, I didn't expect this:


----------



## Kazak

What? You don't like red?


----------



## KC4

Is this the new goat scaping service I've herd so much about?


----------



## Kazak

Happy Birthday, oh SINCish one. (You old goat.)


----------



## SINC

It was so, and thanks.


----------



## Kazak

Now back to our regularly scheduled goatgram.


----------



## johnp

.... control, I think we might have an altitude problem!!


----------



## KC4

....Angoras we have herd on high
Sweetly singing o'er the planes....


----------



## Kazak

Go-o-o-o-o-
O-o-o-o-o-
O-o-o-o-o-
Oatria, in a Qantas plane-o.


----------



## SINC

Good goat, that was bad.


----------



## Kazak

I know. I think I was set up, like a goat in Tin Pan Alley.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## johnp

...


----------



## KC4

That's one way to curry flavor.


----------



## Kazak

Comme ça?






​


----------



## SINC

Still gloating around are we?


----------



## Kazak

Type O?


----------



## SINC

Type on top of?


----------



## Kazak

Goat riders in the sky (or hay).


----------



## SINC

Or just a horny goat?


----------



## KC4

The invitation said, "Come blow your horns!" 
His only disappointment was that he didn't bring any party hats.


----------



## Kazak

There goats the neighbourhood.


----------



## KC4

What goats around, comes around.


----------



## Kazak

Anything goats.


----------



## SINC

Don't rock the goat, baby.


----------



## johnp

...


----------



## Kazak

Next on "What Not to Wear" . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Next on "What Not to Wear" . . .


Wildlife officials investigate reports of person dressed as goat


----------



## KC4

What the hill is goating on here?


----------



## johnp

Have often wondered ... how big must a goat be, to be called a ship, and not a goat?


----------



## Kazak

Did you mean a sheep?


----------



## Kazak

I think if it has ecru, it's a sheep; otherwise, it's a goat.


----------



## johnp

I worked off a couple of trawler fishing goats in the Gulf of Alaska, back in the 60's. They both had ecru, but were definitely goats, not sheeps. Maybe it's the size of ecru that counts?


----------



## Kazak

Could be. What's ecru with you?


----------



## SINC

This ecru has me confused.


----------



## Kazak

Goats got Photo Booth!


----------



## KC4

Yeah, but why don't eggs taste like chicken?


----------



## Kazak

Because flowers don't taste like fruit.


----------



## johnp

Some goats taste like flowers and fruit. Thank goodness most eggs don't taste like the chicken "container" they came from!!


----------



## Kazak

Some goats taste like flowers and fruit,
My sister looks cute in her braces and boots,
I used to work with a guy named John de Groot,
Mozart composed The Magic Flute . . .


----------



## SINC

. . . Mozart composed The Magic Flute
He made it so it could also shoot
Played a song and killed a man
And threw it in the garbage can


----------



## KC4

He threw it in the garbage can
It wasn’t part of the original plan
But Wolfgang didn’t give a hoot
If it never again could toot.


----------



## Kazak

The instrument was rendered mute
There would be no more magic flute
But Wolfie took it like a man
And built a magical nohkan.


----------



## SINC

Wandering goats mystify police in NY suburb | masslive.com


----------



## Kazak

It's the goatbie apocalypse.


----------



## SINC

Baa-aaa-aaa, been watching too much 16:9


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

I remember learning about gametes and zygoats.


----------



## johnp

Which came first, the chicken or the zygoat?


----------



## KC4

Neither, from an eggistential point of view.


----------



## cap10subtext

Is eggsistentialism the same as having an eggsoteric perspective? I always get the two scrambled...


----------



## KC4

I dunno, I'm eggnostic.


----------



## Kazak

I dunno either, I'm a yokel.


----------



## KC4

Who's cracking all the yolks in here?


----------



## kelman

the eggotestical one isn't all it's cracked up to be


----------



## KC4

kelman said:


> the eggotestical one isn't all it's cracked up to be


He who thinks he has the biggest eggs is just a yoke.


----------



## kelman

how can one not keep all his eggs in one basket?


----------



## Kazak

Shell I demonstrate?


----------



## KC4

No. 

To egg is albumin, to olive, in brine.


----------



## Kazak

Sorry, I was dozen off for a minute there.


----------



## kelman

I'm eggzactly one yoke away from being all cooped up


----------



## KC4

Lego my eggo.


----------



## Kazak

As Freud said, "Leggo my supereggo."


----------



## SINC

Takes me back to that old song, 'Leg O' My Heart'.


----------



## Kazak

Or that awful song, "Eggy-Breaky Heart."


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> It's the goatbie apocalypse.


Baby Goat Loves Jumping on MSN Video


----------



## Kazak

Thought this would be a good place to mention that I got married yesterday. KC4 was at the wedding (with Mr.4), and we appreciate them traveling as far as they did to attend.


----------



## SINC

Hey congrats K. Didn't realize you knew KC4 personally. Best to you and the new bride! (I assume you are still your old self.) beejacon


----------



## johnp

Wow ... congrat's, and our good wishes being sent your way!!!


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Thought this would be a good place to mention that I got married yesterday. KC4 was at the wedding (with Mr.4), and we appreciate them traveling as far as they did to attend.


Mazel tov, Kazak. :clap::love2::clap:


----------



## kelman

Kazak said:


> Thought this would be a good place to mention that I got married yesterday. KC4 was at the wedding (with Mr.4), and we appreciate them traveling as far as they did to attend.


Congrats!


----------



## Chris

Well done! Many felicitations!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Thought this would be a good place to mention that I got married yesterday. KC4 was at the wedding (with Mr.4), and we appreciate them traveling as far as they did to attend.


Our pleasure. 

Never look a gift goat in the mouth, unless you are looking for the rest of your wedding presents. 









Congrats again!


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Gotta wonder who put the boots to that poor goat.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Gotta wonder who put the boots to that poor goat.


Puss LaDrew, the French fashion designer who created the classic boots for Puss in Boots.


----------



## kelman

is it puss in boots or goats in galoshes?


----------



## Dr.G.

kelman said:


> is it puss in boots or goats in galoshes?


:lmao::lmao::lmao::clap:


----------



## Kazak

It's a kid in rubbers, which is too much information, especially with a picture.


----------



## SINC

And here I thought all along that rubbers = no kids! Learn something new every day. beejacon


----------



## kelman

Silly rubbers! Mucks are for kids!


----------



## cap10subtext

My neighbors kid had flubber boots. Poor Billy.


----------



## Kazak

R-r-r-r-r-r-rubber biscuit!


----------



## Macfury

Puppy biscuit? Pocketa, pocketa, qweep....


----------



## kelman

Kazak said:


> R-r-r-r-r-r-rubber biscuit!


rubber baby buggy bumpers


----------



## SINC

Is it just me or is this a qweepy thread lately?


----------



## kelman

Jason qweepy or teletubbie qweepy?


----------



## Kazak

What would you Teletubbie?


----------



## SINC

Better than Telewoman. That ensures not spreading the word.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## KC4

Don't do the wine if you can't stew the thyme.


----------



## Kazak

If I could save thyme in a bottle,
The first thing that I'd like to stew . . .


----------



## SINC

Isn't it thyme to stop stewing over this?


----------



## johnp

Old Stewball was a race horse,
and I was wish he was mine.
he never drank water,
he only drank wine.


----------



## SINC

And mare rhea was his partner,
She never touched the wine.
Her choice in drink was whiskey,
Which made her feel just fine.


----------



## Kazak

All these drinking horses make me grateful for the internal combustion engine.


----------



## Macfury

You can drive a horse to drink, but you can't make him drive.


----------



## KC4

You can easily drive a horse buggy...


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> You can drive a horse to drink, but you can't make him drive.


Unlike Toonces.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## Macfury

It looked like he was driving!!


----------



## kelman

I thinks it's Feline Unger of the Odd Couple


----------



## Kazak

Or the Odd Catpull


----------



## kelman

hmmmm, Feline Unger and Oscar Catison of The Odd Catpull

or 

was it Driving Mouse Daisy


----------



## KC4




----------



## kelman

putting the cup before the horse


----------



## SINC

I suppose one could say 'bravo'.


----------



## kelman

two chez!


----------



## KC4

Pig rescues baby goat who is stuck in the water at a zoo. [VIDEO]

To serve and protect!


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> Pig rescues baby goat who is stuck in the water at a zoo. [VIDEO]
> 
> To serve and protect!


Cool ... pig's are such under-rated animals!!


----------



## SINC

Your new calendar is here!


----------



## KC4

I love, I love my calendar goat
Yeah, sweet calendar goat
I love, I love, I love my calendar goat
Each and every day of the year.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> I love, I love my calendar goat
> Yeah, sweet calendar goat
> I love, I love, I love my calendar goat
> Each and every day of the year.


January, in a snowy pine,
February, in a fir alpine,
March, eating blossoms from an apple tree
April, posing naughty in an oak for me

Yeah, yeah, my beard's in a whirl
I love, I love, I love my goats some feet 'bove the world
Ev'ry day, ev'ry day of the year.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## johnp

.....


----------



## johnp

johnp said:


> Cool ... pig's are such under-rated animals!!


.....


----------



## Kazak

When you kiss it, you get John Goodman.


----------



## KC4

When you cook it, you get pork ribbit ribbits.


----------



## Macfury

Jump fried tenderloin.


----------



## KC4

Kermit the Hog.


----------



## Kazak

That'll do, Frog. That'll do.


----------



## KC4

Baa Ribbit Ewe.


----------



## SINC

Only ewe, can make a frog worthwhile.


----------



## kelman

well, I've heard of a bull frog, but this? Gives new meaning to wart hog.


----------



## Kazak

Plewds!


----------



## SINC

Plewdites!


----------



## KC4

Sweathogs!


----------



## Kazak

Cauterize!


----------



## Macfury

Palillative care!


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Palillative care!


Ha! Too late.

Caddyshack!


----------



## cap10subtext

Taxidermy!


----------



## KC4

Latka!


----------



## Kazak

Stipe!


----------



## KC4

Lunacy!


----------



## SINC

Stifle!


----------



## Kazak

Meathead!


----------



## kelman

ohhh Archie!


----------



## KC4

Bet he over Anika?


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> Bet he over Anika?


Midge!


----------



## Kazak

Ultravox!


----------



## Macfury

Ewe-r?


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

Sammy Davis!


----------



## Macfury

Poor Devil.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

Poultrygeist!


----------



## Macfury

You saw it!

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006) - IMDb


----------



## SINC

macfury said:


> you saw it!


 ok!


----------



## johnp

Macfury said:


> You saw it!


... yes.


----------



## Macfury

Just so!


----------



## Kazak

Archaic!


----------



## Macfury

Yes, K-ic.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

And so continues the saga of a goat named Bob...


----------



## kelman

Billy Bob?


----------



## Kazak

Can't be Bob: this one's got at least two legs.


----------



## screature

Bob bob a Lou? or Bob bob er Anne?


----------



## KC4

Baa Baaa Baaa Bob Bob er Anne sounds sheepish to me.


----------



## kelman

KC4 said:


> Baa Baaa Baaa Bob Bob er Anne sounds sheepish to me.


he says with a sheepish grin


----------



## SINC

kelman said:


> he says with a sheepish grin


.


----------



## Kazak

Hope you have a fintastic birthday, KC4.


----------



## cap10subtext

For she's a jolly good minnow...


----------



## KC4

Tanks for the Nice Birthday Fishes!


----------



## Kazak

May all your fishes blub blue.


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## Kazak

Bbbork, Bbbork, Bbbork.


----------



## KC4

One fish, two fish, red fish.....


(and so goes the whole bag)


----------



## Kazak

I never knew Vigoda was a Swedish name.


----------



## johnp

.. speaking of white fish ...


----------



## Kazak

Somebody's having a bad fur day.


----------



## KC4

Nobody likes chain mail.


----------



## kelman

Ever tried mailing chain?


----------



## SINC

I did once, but the link was dead.


----------



## Kazak

Restart, and Link will have multiple lives again.


----------



## KC4

Chain, chain, chain....


----------



## Kazak

J no fuels.


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

High-ranking Republicans thought they had arranged a secure meeting place, but . . .


----------



## Macfury

Those are the Country Club Republicans...


----------



## jamesB

test post


----------



## SINC

test post


----------



## SINC

test post number two


----------



## johnp

.... I think it might be back to school time ...


----------



## Kazak

post-test post


----------



## johnp

.. a post with a tasty crunch ..


----------



## SINC

Christmas 2012: The Swedish goat that takes Christmas by the horns - Telegraph


----------



## Kazak

We interrupt this year to bring you over three weeks of an almost complete absence of driver courtesy.


----------



## jamesB

post time test...


----------



## jamesB

2'nd post test


----------



## johnp

.. have always appreciated pot_tree ..


----------



## Kazak

jamesB said:


> post time test...


Heavy, man. Like, I've never considered what comes after time. Whoa.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Heavy, man. Like, I've never considered what comes after time. Whoa.


It's a like a big cardboard box... with starz inside.


----------



## Kazak

Hoist up the johnp sails: it's his birthday today (actual age subject to rampant speculation).


----------



## Kazak

31 ehMac birthdays today.

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday


----------



## kelman

Macfury said:


> It's a like a big cardboard box... with starz inside.


and pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers


----------



## kelman

Kazak said:


> 31 ehMac birthdays today.
> 
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday


happy 31 birthdays


----------



## Macfury

Forget Lucky! I get my Trix on Route 66.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> 31 ehMac birthdays today.
> 
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday
> Happy Birthday


Happy Birthday everyone!!!! (and a belated thanks to Kazak for the wishes directed to mine - sorry, didn't see them earlier!!)


----------



## KC4

kelman said:


> happy 31 birthdays


+31
Happy New Year, Babies!


----------



## Kazak

Dear Ann Landers,

I have a desk lamp with a fluorescent bulb. When I tap the bulb at the tip, it sparks at the base. Should I continue to use the lamp?

Sincerely,

'Fro in PoCo


----------



## SINC

Dear 'Fro,

By all means continue to use the lamp, just be sure to do so with wet hands to get the full effect of the illumination.

Ann


----------



## kelman

Dear Ann Landers

Thank you for your wisdom, I put the lamp on my sub woofer because I don't have the room on my desk and it seems to spark even more than before, will this be a problem?

Sincerely,

'Fro in PoCo'


----------



## iMouse

Dear 'Fro,

Not if you are over-insured.

Ann


----------



## KC4

Dear 'Fro,

Yes, by all means, as long as you don't plug it in anymore. 

Ann


----------



## Macfury

40 slaps with a wet extension cord...


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> 40 slaps with a wet extension cord...


Ann, you've changed somehow, but . . . I kinda like it.


----------



## KC4

Why am I not shocked?


----------



## Kazak

Because you keep current?


----------



## Macfury

I'm looking for an alternate explanation--something more direct.


----------



## KC4

I call for an in surge AC!


----------



## Kazak

Socket to me.


----------



## SINC

Did someone call the Electric Horsemen?


----------



## Kazak

The Four Electric Horsemen of the Ampocalypse? Ohm my.


----------



## kelman

Watt is everyone wired about?


----------



## iMouse

I don't have the capacitor to engage in this revolting comedy.


----------



## SINC

Must. Resist.


----------



## Kazak

Don't resist, SINC, find an outlet.


----------



## SINC

I've been searching for a way to plug in to the debate.


----------



## kelman

must cut the cord on this topic and become grounded in something else


----------



## Kazak

Like going to the beach and admiring the breakers.


----------



## SINC

Yep, time to head to the power bar for a stiff shock.


----------



## kelman

I don't mean to be negative, but are you positive?


----------



## SINC

I'm ionizing over that question.


----------



## kelman

We need a copper to gauge the answer.


----------



## SINC

Long as he doesn't breaker down.


----------



## KC4

Breaker 1 9 ...
We have a Smokey on our tail.


----------



## kelman

roger that pigpen, this here's the duck, you wanna back it down another 10?


----------



## iMouse

I don't want to be Bias, but I do like to stay Current.


----------



## KC4

Hey, as long as you're gettin' a charge out of it, more power to ya!


----------



## Macfury

I suggest we take a pole.


----------



## KC4

Sure, but where? 
I don't want this to become polarized.


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> Sure, but where?


Poland of course.


----------



## Macfury

I hear it's Łódź of fun.


----------



## iMouse

A good place to go Gdańsking.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## iMouse

Tychy are you? tptptptp


----------



## KC4

That's Zrazy talk.


----------



## KC4

Nice ride John, but I'm not sure about these new passive aggressive seat belts. . .


----------



## johnp

.....


----------



## iMouse

Now a smart mouse, such as myself, would climb inside that thing, and let the trap sail right over my head.

Now if you added a couple of ladyfingers, and a net, you could trap them live.

Like they do with wildlife.


----------



## Kazak

Perhaps a very smart mouse would build a human trap, then have the run of the house.


----------



## SINC

Run of the house mouse:


----------



## johnp

.... how some (of the more talented) rodents live ..


----------



## Kazak

That's dam patriotic.


----------



## iMouse

Kazak said:


> That's dam patriotic.


Don't think so. 

That looks like a dam DISH dish to me.


----------



## Kazak

Well, then I'll lodge a complaint.


----------



## Macfury

They'll castorate ya!


----------



## KC4




----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> View attachment 26202


... thats cool!! .... "don't let the stars get in your eyes ... "


----------



## Macfury

U yy u r,
u yy u b,
i c u r u yy 4 me.


----------



## Kazak

Wave upon wave of demented avengers . . .


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

"Sorry, pal, you looked like a giant scallop in bacon."


----------



## johnp

...


----------



## iMouse

I found it humorous that the crow looked away when the dog looked behind him.

"Who ..... me??"

Not too stupid.


----------



## Kazak

Never underestimate the intelligence of crows.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> Never underestimate the intelligence of crows.


... so true!!


----------



## SINC

+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## Kazak

Here we goat again.


----------



## johnp

.... we rule, eh!!


----------



## Kazak

Mick!


----------



## SINC

Mickey: 10 Goats Acting Really Weird


----------



## johnp

... yup, from my view those goats do seem a little weird, eh!!


----------



## Kazak

goat
goad
good
****
grok
grog
frog


----------



## iMouse

Dorf??


----------



## Kazak

(There must be a faster solution. Can anyone suggest a better Conway?)
frog
frag
frat
feat
fear
dear
deer
deem
diem
diet
dirt
dart
dark
dork
Dorf


----------



## kelman

frog
MrTudball


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

​


----------



## KC4

Oh look, twitplets.


----------



## Kazak

Twituplets?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Twituplets?


Yes, those are two twin doxies who are joined together to form what is know in England as a "twixuplet". The English are very particular and very strange when it comes to dogs.


----------



## johnp

Four dogs on a plate, and one dog walking ...


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> Four dogs on a plate, and one dog walking ...




Four doxies on a bed ............. and two doxies in a bun.


----------



## johnp

Ahhhh ... some cute, eh!!


----------



## Kazak

Bunderbar!


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> Ahhhh ... some cute, eh!!





Kazak said:


> Bunderbar!


Yes, very cute.

"Bunderbar" ................ :lmao::clap::lmao: Good one, Kazak.


----------



## Kazak

Thank-you, thank-you. I'm here all week.


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> Four doxies on a bed ............. and two doxies in a bun.





Kazak said:


> Bunderbar!


That's just disgusting.

Dogs are pets not food!


----------



## iMouse

But the 2 doxies on a bun come with their own sauce!!!


----------



## screature

Well if that is the case....

No wait!... You tricked me.

Dogs are pets, not food!


----------



## iMouse

I can't speak to Quebec culture, but we tend to frown on those that eat pets.

That's why farm children are discouraged from naming their livestock.


----------



## Kazak

iMouse said:


> That's why farm children are discouraged from naming their livestock.


This makes breaking up easier, too.


----------



## kelman

they say that breaking up is hard to do
now I know, I know that it's true


----------



## iMouse

Hallelujah.

Can I get an eh-men????


----------



## screature

Hallelujah.

Possibly one of the most covered tunes of all time....

But also one of the best. 

I had never heard this version before making this post and I think it is quite simply beautiful so I felt the need to share.





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Kazak

Cohen-heads are from Quebec.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Cohen-heads are from Quebec.


Tête carrée are from the rest of Canada.


----------



## KC4

I always wondered what the "Bloc" meant in Bloc Quebecois.


----------



## iMouse

Think Charlie Brown, and you're half-way there.


----------



## Kazak

iMouse said:


> Think Charlie Brown, and you're half-way there.


Dude, that's, like, my philosophy of everything.


----------



## Kazak

b
u
m
p


----------



## SINC

p
e
r
c
a
r
s


----------



## Kazak

o
n
,
j
o
h
n
n
y


----------



## KC4

...\...../ ....
...╚⊙ ⊙╝...
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----------



## SINC

.


----------



## KC4

It bugs me that you've taken such latitude with my longitude.



Or is that longitude with my latitude?


----------



## SINC

Such altitude!


----------



## KC4

Centipede Stampede! 

They're all being rounded up to the nearest nicklepede!


----------



## iMouse

Roundepede surely?

 Oh, yes, finally got it.

Well done.


----------



## Kazak

Guess KC4 temporarily threw you off the cent.


----------



## KC4

I'm guessing he's been bucked off since 1987.


----------



## Kazak

Two bits or not two bits, that is the question.


----------



## kelman

shave and a hair cut?


----------



## SINC

Six bits where I come from.


----------



## Kazak

Timbits?


----------



## SINC

Can you even buy timbits with six bits?


----------



## johnp

Haven't been into a Timmy's in years ... expect I'll need a good many shinplasters for a box of timbits these days.


----------



## SINC

Try a new McDonald's coffee! Blows Timmies outta the water.


----------



## iMouse

Shinplasters?

What Century were you born in?

lol

(Yes, I know that they were 25¢ paper notes, ~1/2 size.)


----------



## johnp

Too late in the 1900's to actually use 'shinplasters', but did see my Father's collection of same. Two-bits via paper ... cool ... and they didn't weigh the pockets down!!


----------



## Kazak

There's a quarter of a man in the market
With a quarter of a car so it's easy to park it
He gets to the counter, he saves what he can
But he only saves a quarter, he's a quarter of a man

Now this quarter of a man he got fired
The next damn day he got hired
The only thing wrong with this plan
He only gets a quarter, he's a quarter of man

Every day he's on the street 
Too few quarters to live or to eat
He's so little the people all stare
But he only pays a quarter fare 
Oh......

Now the quarter of a man's on vacation
But he still gets his ration
When he gets to the market he saves what he can
But he only saves a quarter 'cause he's a quarter of a man


----------



## KC4

Then he rides into the sunset on a quarter horse.


----------



## SINC

Must be this one?


----------



## Macfury

He's always popular as a fourth for bridge.


----------



## Megadino

Speedy horse - stepping two legs is faster than four


----------



## iMouse

Speed is the only thing keeping her from falling flat on her nose.


----------



## Kazak

Four legs good, two legs better.


----------



## KC4




----------



## johnp

"Four legs good, two legs better."
... and six, three pairs, can be even more impressive!!


----------



## Kazak

I don't want to play poker with anyone who has three pair.


----------



## KC4

Not unless you have three of a kind.


----------



## iMouse

I have 2 pair.

A pair of Aces, and another pair of Aces.

And then the fight started ......


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Not unless you have three of a kind.


However, four of a kind beats three of a kind...... and four doxies beats four aces everytime.  However, no fighting is allowed.


----------



## Kazak

I thought doxies were wild.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I thought doxies were wild.


No, only if you try to pass them on the stairs to get to the high stakes poker game. Then, they go wild and you fold ........... and run ................. XX)


----------



## KC4

Dr.G. said:


> ..... and four doxies beats four aces everytime.


Perhaps, but if you held four twos in the game, you'd have a Little Duece Coup.


----------



## Macfury

You've got to know when to fold them... and know when to hold 'em.


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> You've got to know when to fold them... and know when to hold 'em.


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Perhaps, but if you held four twos in the game, you'd have a Little Duece Coup.


Oops ............ I thought that you said Little Dunce Caps ................... 

Still, I hold four Calgary Stampede hats, so I raise you a dime ................. :greedy:


----------



## Kazak

They should probably take their hats off indoors.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> They should probably take their hats off indoors.


Do you know how cold it is in Calgary today?????????? They take their hats off to the Canadian flag and nothing else ............

Paix, mon ami.


----------



## Dr.G.

Someone just dealt me five of a kind .................... what sort of deck are we playing with tonight?????


----------



## KC4

A couple doxies short of a full pack?


----------



## Macfury

Dr.G. said:


> Someone just dealt me five of a kind .................... what sort of deck are we playing with tonight?????


The mother of that litter will raise you five.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> A couple doxies short of a full pack?


:lmao::lmao::lmao: Found the pair .............


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> The mother of that litter will raise you five.


I can go as far as 8, Macfury. I guess I lose.


----------



## Kazak

Well, you know what they say: A litter goes a long way.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Well, you know what they say: A litter goes a long way.


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## Kazak

Don't put all your doxies in one basket.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Don't put all your doxies in one basket.


Good one, Kazak. However, remember that "a doxie in hand is worth two in the bush". Paix, mon ami.


----------



## iMouse




----------



## johnp

.. a doxie delivering postal service .... or a doxie being delivered by the postal service?


----------



## Kazak

It's a highly-sensitive doxument.


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .. a doxie delivering postal service .... or a doxie being delivered by the postal service?


Dear Santa,
Please bring me another doxie ..................
Love,
Oscar


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .. a doxie delivering postal service .... or a doxie being delivered by the postal service?


:lmao::lmao::lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> It's a highly-sensitive doxument.


:clap::lmao::clap:


----------



## johnp

.. doxie runners?


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .. doxie runners?


Good one, johnp ................ except for our doxies. Here is what happens when they get at a pair of running shoes. Just the mention of the word "sneaker" sets them going like mad. They know that when they break the rules and tear up a sneaker, they get put in the penalty box. If they come out of the box too soon, they are severely punished. XX)


----------



## Kazak

He doesn't look punished; he looks drunk.


----------



## iMouse

Kazak said:


> He doesn't look punished; he looks drunk.


Dog narcolepsy, the poor thing. beejacon


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> He doesn't look punished; he looks drunk.


It's a she, and she is pooped. Punishment was running around Churchill Park five times.


----------



## Dr.G.

iMouse said:


> Dog narcolepsy, the poor thing. beejacon


 XX)

True ............ but loving when she is not being bad. :love2:


----------



## Dr.G.

Bob & Ray "Dog Psychiatrist" - YouTube

The poor basset hound ................. thought he was a dachshund ...................


----------



## Kazak

iMouse said:


> Dog narcolepsy, the poor thing. beejacon


Doxolepsy?


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Doxolepsy?


It's true.


----------



## Kazak

I can't imagine living in a house where I had to be continually alert when walking and sitting. Well, maybe when the kids were little, but there were only two of them.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I can't imagine living in a house where I had to be continually alert when walking and sitting. Well, maybe when the kids were little, but there were only two of them.


True, Kazak. Of course, you can always close the door ........... but then they are there waiting for you when you emerge. Walking down the stairs is difficult. Still, luckily they are alert when crossing the street by looking both ways. When my son was little this was alway a fear.

Paix, mon ami.


----------



## KC4

Looks like Doxies are excellent stare-masters too.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Looks like Doxies are excellent stare-masters too.


:lmao::clap::lmao: Good one, KC4. Bridget was the worst. She would try to use mind control, cocking her head to one side or the other to get you to think "Wow, right now would be a great time to give the doxies a dog cookie."


----------



## johnp

.... or trip over!!!


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .... or trip over!!!


Good one .............. :lmao:


----------



## screature

*ease*

ease


----------



## Birdwatcher

screature said:


> ease


Zee?


----------



## screature

Zed in Canada.


----------



## Kazak

I have now post-zed 8,000 times.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I have now post-zed 8,000 times.


:clap::clap::clap::clap: Kudos, Kazak. Welcome to the Klub.


----------



## screature

Norwegian Potato Klub


----------



## Dr.G.

German Dachshund Mini Klub (to hunt badgers)


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

This is all well and good, but if you start posting cat videos, I'm out of here.


----------



## iMouse

.


----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


>


Tag team match??????? To the death?????????


----------



## Kazak

To the pain!


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> To the pain!


The doxies were trained at the G. Gordon Liddy School of Pain Endurance. Their motto is "Death before dishonor". Paix, mon ami.


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> Tag team match??????? To the death?????????


The doxies would be breaking the law (at least in the UK) if they took on the badgers so my money is on the badgers.



> The blood sport of badger baiting was outlawed in the United Kingdom by the Cruelty to Animals Act 1835, as well as the Protection of Badgers Act 1992, which makes it a serious offence to kill, injure or take a badger, or to damage or interfere with a sett unless a license is obtained from a statutory authority.


Mean nasty doxies. Bad doxies... Bad.


----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


> The doxies would be breaking the law (at least in the UK) if they took on the badgers so my money is on the badgers.
> 
> 
> 
> Mean nasty doxies. Bad doxies... Bad.


I agree. I think that all blood sports should be banned. Our doxies are defensive in nature. Any badger or wolverine that comes on to our property is in for a "surprise". Anyone trying to sneak upstairs uninvited ................ well, they are trained to kill on command. XX)


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> I agree. *I think that all blood sports should be banned.* Our doxies are defensive in nature. Any badger or wolverine that comes on to our property is in for a "surprise". Anyone trying to sneak upstairs uninvited ................ well, they are trained to kill on command. XX)


How would we ever have elected officials if that was the case?


----------



## screature

Is this one named Gene?


----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


> How would we ever have elected officials if that was the case?


:lmao::clap::lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


> Is this one named Gene?
> 
> View attachment 27304


No, Abby. :lmao:


----------



## KC4

Don't call him Abby.


----------



## Macfury

KC4 said:


> Don't call him Abby.


Abby Normal?


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> Don't call him Abby.


And don't call her Shirley. :lmao:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A5t5_O8hdA]Don't call me Shirley - YouTube[/ame]


----------



## Kazak

Shirley you jest.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Shirley you jest.


Jest for you I shall not mention doxies again ............... for now.


----------



## Kazak

You don't have to do that. After all, Dr. G. without doxies is like a bike without a fishcycle.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> You don't have to do that. After all, Dr. G. without doxies is like a bike without a fishcycle.


You are a gentleman and a scholar, Kazak. Merci, mon ami.


----------



## Kazak

Good luck figuring out who peed in the pool.


----------



## Macfury

Kazak said:


> Good luck figuring out who peed in the pool.


It's like the _Murder on the Orient Express_--they all did!


----------



## johnp

That one at 1 o'clock looks a little suspicious.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> It's like the _Murder on the Orient Express_--they all did!


And now we know who Poirot'd in the pool.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Good luck figuring out who peed in the pool.


:lmao::lmao::lmao:

It was a "cool down" pool, now a swimming pool.


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> It's like the _Murder on the Orient Express_--they all did!


:clap::clap:


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Good luck figuring out who peed in the pool.





johnp said:


> That one at 1 o'clock looks a little suspicious.


We had to "round up the usual suspects" and then we found the culprit ........ the one who looked guilty. We took the other two in for questioning as to "who did it". 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtSmfws0_To]"Round Up The Usual Suspects!" (CASABLANCA) - YouTube[/ame]


----------



## johnp

.. and let the music begin!!!


----------



## iMouse

Let the puppies come out.


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .. and let the music begin!!!


Cool jazz ............. :clap::clap: As Thelonious Monk was fond of saying, "Get a long little doggie if you want to make smooth jazz."


----------



## Dr.G.

iMouse said:


> Let the puppies come out.


 Feed them first and then let them sleep.


----------



## iMouse

I'm gettin' all 'cited about the coming whelping.


----------



## Dr.G.

iMouse said:


> I'm gettin' all 'cited about the coming whelping.


Won't be long now. We are in "test" mode getting everything ready. Here is the Daisy, the mother of Gracie, who is the pup on the far right. It is her first litter, so we are hoping for the best. Go to The Shangri-la Clubhouse thread for all updates. 

This ends the test of our Doxierad signal, similar to the Conelrad Signal of the 1950s and 60s. We shall now resume normal postings in this thread.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2ddfKzUrVI]CONELRAD: Civil Defense TV Spot - YouTube[/ame]


----------



## Kazak

All's whelp that ends whelp.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> All's whelp that ends whelp.


Good one, Kazak. :lmao::clap:


----------



## SINC

And now this:

Goats detained in India for damaging car


----------



## KC4

Sigh.
Latest update:
They are already out on bale...







and apparently repeat off-fenders.


----------



## Kazak

With the way goats drive, I'm sure they'll lock horns with the constabulary soon enough.


----------



## iMouse

That hay must be out standing.

And don't play on your food.


----------



## Kazak

KC4 said:


> They are already out on bale...


Maybe they escaped, which would make them goatlaws.


----------



## SINC

Yes, and ingroats at that.


----------



## KC4

What? You mean they're on the lamb?


----------



## iMouse

.... where hillbillygoats are horny, and sheep are nervous.


----------



## Kazak

Behaviour-wise, sheep are nerveless.


----------



## Dr.G.

iMouse said:


> That hay must be out standing.
> 
> And don't play on your food.


Can one play in their food? After all, it is goat's milk.


----------



## screature

sheepish |ˈ sh ēpi sh |
adjective
(of a person or expression) showing embarrassment from shame or a lack of self-confidence : a sheepish grin.
DERIVATIVES
sheepishly adverb
sheepishness noun

Poor sheep, they can't get a break... even in the dictionary.

Maybe that is why we don't regret stripping them naked for their wool and eating them.

What did sheep ever do to us?


----------



## Macfury

screature said:


> What did sheep ever do to us?


Clearly you've never seen the film _Black Sheep:_


----------



## screature

Yeah but that is "payback" time...

No I didn't see it but did Bruce Willis play the "head" sheep?


----------



## Kazak

Bruce has been sheared for quite some time now.


----------



## screature

He has been shorn for sure. Not that there was that much to shear.

I wonder if his shearing is done by the sea shore?


----------



## Kazak

Thanks for the correction.

Don't know where it's done, but I think it's done by Shorn Connery.


----------



## bluepanties

Test?


----------



## SINC

But it's a shorn test.


----------



## johnp

"This is the last time I'll submit to this!!"


----------



## Kazak

bluepanties said:


> Test?


The answer lies in the first post, lo these many years ago.


----------



## bluepanties

Kazak said:


> The answer lies in the first post, lo these many years ago.


Fascinating, it makes me almost want to read the whole thread and all of its pages to find out more.


----------



## johnp

bluepanties said:


> Fascinating, it makes me almost want to read the whole thread and all of its pages to find out more.


.... go for it ... you may find a goat to 'upgrade' the colour of those panties!!


----------



## SINC

johnp said:


> .... go for it ... you may find a goat to 'upgrade' the colour of those panties!!


Oh no! That could be a pantie waist.


----------



## Kazak

I wouldn't read it all in one "sitting," but it is an always strange and sometimes wonderful read.


----------



## iMouse

I hope not, otherwise it would be yellow panties.


----------



## Kazak

Panties.


----------



## iMouse

Gee, are you trying to string us along??


----------



## Kazak

No, but I'll thing you a thong.


----------



## iMouse

Are you from Barthelona??


----------



## johnp

..... nice string tie!!


----------



## Kazak

I never cared for the Bikini Atoll.


----------



## Kazak

(Shame on whomever captioned that poster: he/she used the wrong "its.")


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> (Shame on whomever captioned that poster: he/she used the wrong "its.")


.. you can tell the sex of that dog from that angle?


----------



## Kazak

Happy Birthday, SINC, you old goat.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, SINC, you old goat.


... good wishes from this old goat too!!


----------



## Kazak

The prairie horizon is far too low.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Happy Birthday, SINC, you old goat.


Thanks Kazak. Goats are good with me!


----------



## Kazak

Wasn't sure where to put this, but I stumbled across this small Apple Store in Southampton, UK a couple of days ago.





​


----------



## Dr.G.

Couple encouraging goats as pets in St. John's - Nfld. & Labrador - CBC News

Sticking with the goat theme ...............


----------



## johnp

.. seems someone has finally photographed the pot at the end of the rainbow!!


----------



## Kazak

Now that that's settled, what's at the other end?


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> Now that that's settled, what's at the other end?


Why the beer store, of course!


----------



## johnp

.... dedicated to SINC!!


----------



## johnp

.. and out here, it's more likely one of these (substitue fir or cedar trees for the palms, and make it a Canada goose).


----------



## Kazak

Do storks bring rainbows, too?


----------



## Dr.G.

Interesting ................ but the pot of gold is still here in St.John's, NL.


----------



## Kazak

Guarded, no doubt, by legions of Newfoundland-Irish leprechauns.


----------



## johnp

... bah to all the rainbows!!


----------



## Kazak

Yes, the story of Sir Thomaaaaaas More: "A Goat for No Reason."


----------



## iMouse

If you are into old movies, The Goat and Mrs. Muir should amuse you.


----------



## SINC

Saw it way back and it was no goat.


----------



## iMouse

It was invisible, like a púca.


----------



## Kazak

Iocane powder.


----------



## Kazak

Don't goat changing, to try to graze me . . .


----------



## johnp

.... a wine stopper for the wine/goat lover.


----------



## johnp

... cheers goat!!!


----------



## KC4

Send cheese.


----------



## SINC

I had salad for supper tonight. It was mostly grapes. OK, it was all grapes. Fine, it was fermented grapes.


----------



## Kazak

I bought flowers last night. They were mostly poppies. OK, they were all poppies. Fine, I bought heroin.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I bought flowers last night. They were mostly poppies. OK, they were all poppies. Fine, I bought heroin.


Flowers are nice ............ puppies are even nicer. However, this is the effect of heroin upon these puppies when they grow up.


----------



## Dr.G.

Oops ............ you wrote poppies and not puppies. Mea culpa. Gilda Radner Nevermind - YouTube


----------



## Kazak

You say puppies . . .


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> You say puppies . . .


Yes ...........


----------



## johnp

... finally!!


----------



## Kazak

"Nimoy," quoth the raven, "Nimoy."


----------



## SINC

I had some grain today. Some of it was barley. OK it was all barley. Fine, it was fermented. I had a couple of beers watching the Riders game.


----------



## Kazak

I did some socializing tonight. I did most of the talking. OK, I did all of the talking. Fine, I was alone.


----------



## Kazak

Happy Birthday, ehMax, wherever you are. You are truly missed.


----------



## Aurora

I have to go along with that. A happy, happy birthday to you EhMax.


----------



## KC4

Bappy Kirthday Hazak!


----------



## Kazak

Shanks hairy mulch. (comfort and Joyce)


----------



## johnp

Belated "cheers & greets" Kazak!!


----------



## SINC

Er, bappy hirthday anyone?


----------



## Kazak

Sure, Mario Lemieux is 48 today (just a pup).


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Er, bappy hirthday anyone?


Today, no ............ tomorrow, yes.


----------



## Kazak

I'm Home Alone.


----------



## Kazak

Habluby blubthday, KC4. Go, fish.


----------



## SINC

Good move not disclosing which blubthday, have a good one Kim.


----------



## Macfury

Hippy Pippy Pappy Bithudidday*, KC!

(Wol, _Winnie the Pooh_.)


----------



## Kazak

from _Roo-meo and Pooh-liet:_

. . . therefore I will push 
Montague's men from the Wol, and thrust his maids 
to the Wol.


----------



## johnp

.... we're here, when's the cake to be served?


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Habluby blubthday, KC4. Go, fish.





SINC said:


> Good move not disclosing which blubthday, have a good one Kim.





Macfury said:


> Hippy Pippy Pappy Bithudidday*, KC!
> 
> (Wol, _Winnie the Pooh_.)





johnp said:


> .... we're here, when's the cake to be served?


Tanks a lot!


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> I'm Home Alone.
> 
> View attachment 35401


Don't be scared Kazak. Those noises you heard were only lurkers.


----------



## Kazak

Lurk, everybody: 9K posts.


----------



## KC4

Looks like K9 posts to me.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Lurk, everybody: 9K posts.


:clap::clap::clap:


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> Lurk, everybody: 9K posts.


Cheers!!


----------



## Kazak

You're putting wine and a frog together for someone who was born in Montreal? Good thing my skin is thick (and warty).


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> You're putting wine and a frog together for someone who was born in Montreal? Good thing my skin is thick (and warty).


Oops, what was I thinking, eh.


----------



## Kazak

A Merry Christmas to all you testees (testers?) (testerizers?) (testites?) out there.


----------



## johnp

"owl" drink to that!! Actually we both will. Merry Christmas all!!


----------



## KC4

Merry Gentlemen, let nothing you dismay!

It's johnp's 5000th post day!


----------



## Kazak

Merry 5Kmass, johnp.


----------



## johnp

Thanks KC4 and Kazak!!! Will 'toast' today will a little of the great grog received on Christmas!! 
Cheers!!


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> A Merry Christmas to all you testees (testers?) (testerizers?) (testites?) out there.


Hope you had a Kazakulous Kristmass Mr. K!


----------



## Kazak

Thanks. I Hope SINC Nicholas was good to you, too.


----------



## KC4

I believe I can speak for johnp as well as myself in saying that we each had a very merry Fishmas. 

I'll also speculate that we'll also have a Flippy New Year.


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> I believe I can speak for johnp as well as myself in saying that we each had a very merry Fishmas. I'll also speculate that we'll also have a Flippy New Year.


... waving my fins to those sentiments!!


----------



## johnp

We're presently "cat sitting" the daughter's cat. I think she heard me say "fish or fins"?!!


----------



## aylwin

(burp)


----------



## Kazak

aylwin said:


> (burp)


That's the spirit.


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> That's the spirit.


Hic


----------



## Kazak

Today, I celebrate ten years here at ehMac. No "hics" here, of course, but I raise my mug (#19) to the friends I've made the past decade. If my wife and I actually do our cross-Canada research trip this summer, I will see if some of y'all are interested in meeting in person.


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> Today, I celebrate ten years here at ehMac. No "hics" here, of course, but I raise my mug (#19) to the friends I've made the past decade. If my wife and I actually do our cross-Canada research trip this summer, I will see if some of y'all are interested in meeting in person.


Kudos, Kazak. If you decide to come all the way east in our great country, let me know.


----------



## Aurora

Congratulations Kazak.
I always enjoy your company.


----------



## SINC

Well done, Mr. K. Always up for a meet up with an ehMacer. Lemme know if you get our way.


----------



## johnp

Way to go -- congrat's Kazak!!


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Today, I celebrate ten years here at ehMac. No "hics" here, of course, but I raise my mug (#19) to the friends I've made the past decade. If my wife and I actually do our cross-Canada research trip this summer, I will see if some of y'all are interested in meeting in person.





> 10 (ten Listeni/ˈtɛn/) is an even natural number following 9 and preceding 11. Ten is the base of the decimal numeral system, by far the most common system of denoting numbers in both spoken and written language. The reason for the choice of ten is assumed to be that humans have ten fingers (digits).


Congrats you crazy Palindromic Pooch... 

If you are ever in the Capital region I would be more than happy to show you around.

Our house is not that big, but we can easily accommodate an extra couple and even a child or two. Just so long as you and your family members are not allergic to dogs as we have two. 

Older dogs and very friendly, once you get past the door. 

They bark at our mail lady every day when she comes to the house but when they see her on the street they are the best of friends. 

They just do their job of protecting their house and territory as all good dogs should.

They have never bitten anyone and I have no reason to suspect that they would ever bite anyone.... they actually really like kids from what I have seen on our numerous walks and when we have had kids to the house.

They are very gentle, although they can be loud/vocal at times.


----------



## KC4

Kazak said:


> Today, I celebrate ten years here at ehMac. No "hics" here, of course, but I raise my mug (#19) to the friends I've made the past decade. If my wife and I actually do our cross-Canada research trip this summer, I will see if some of y'all are interested in meeting in person.


Why wait until summer? If it will change your minds into heading east sooner, I'll let you shovel the snow from my front walks! 

Congratulations on the 10 year milestone!


----------



## Kazak

Thank you all. screature, we're bringing a trailer, but thanks for the generous offer of accommodation. Some of our destinations are known to us already; others will emerge over the coming months. If we're going to be nearby, I'll let you know with as much notice as possible (which may not be much).


----------



## SINC

Hey Kount Kazak, if you need any advice on good campgrounds in the west, I've been to many of them and would be willing to give you an opinion on them for an overnight stay.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Thank you all. screature, we're bringing a trailer, but thanks for the generous offer of accommodation. Some of our destinations are known to us already; others will emerge over the coming months. If we're going to be nearby, I'll let you know with as much notice as possible (which may not be much).


Well, if we are around when you come, we would be happy to be your hosts. Just let me know and we can arrange something. 

There is much to see and do in the Ottawa/Gatineau area, especially in the summer months.


----------



## KC4




----------



## screature

The International symbol of warning for "boobs ahead".

A warning symbol first proposed by the International Breast League and supported by the UN in 2012 and fully adopted as an International Road Symbol in June 2013.

Most widely adopted by the states of California, and Florida, in the United States but also widely used in European nations such as the UK, Germany, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Czechoslovakia, Denmark, Ukraine and to a lesser degree Belarus.

But especially watch out for those with man-boobs.


----------



## Kazak

No, I think you're looking at it inversely. It's the yellow that provides the shape. The sign means, "Uvula Ahead."

Possible swollen tonsils, too.


----------



## KC4

I thought it was a warning for a strapless bra or imminent frog pouncing.


----------



## KC4

Or, (inversely) a gummy shark attack.


----------



## Kazak

Lots of metal in those strapless bras. Best to drive around.


----------



## KC4

Boa Feeding Station ahead. 
Please remain calm and remove all sharp or indigestible objects from pockets.​


----------



## screature

The International Breast League symbol for "Yield to oncoming Breasts" or alternatively the Intergalactic symbol for yield to "Men in Black".

But it is always advised to watch out for "man-boobs", one way or the other.


----------



## screature

KC4 said:


> View attachment 43234
> 
> Boa Feeding Station ahead.
> Please remain calm and remove all sharp or indigestible objects from pockets.​


Watch out for humps... a more prevalent symbol in Middle Eastern nations.

Rather I sould say:

Don't remain calm and place as many sharp or indigestible objects in your pockets as possible. If you have one, an oxygen mask would be good as well.


----------



## KC4

screature said:


> View attachment 43242
> 
> 
> The International Breast League symbol for "Yield to oncoming Breasts" or alternatively the Intergalactic symbol for yield to "Men in Black".
> 
> But it is always advised to watch out for "man-boobs", one way or the other.


Like the Men in Black - that must be it. 

Beware of Moobs... Indeed!


----------



## KC4

No No! I think this may be it...







Caution! Potholes may contain Bactrian Camels!
Gobi carefully. ​


----------



## SINC

Hmmm, they seem to be everywhere:


----------



## KC4




----------



## Kazak

I bet retractable speed bumps are expensive.

Or maybe the kids are the speed bumps. Yeah, that's it . . .


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> I bet retractable speed bumps are expensive.
> 
> Or maybe the kids are the speed bumps. Yeah, that's it . . .






+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## Dr.G.

How about a Basset Hound "funny clown car"???

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202254911866695


----------



## johnp

.... yes, good luck indeed!!


----------



## Kazak

I often find myself on the road coming in from the bottom right: you can see the main road, but you can't get onto it from where you are. If I'm towing the trailer, the road I'm on will be residential, with cars parked on both sides.


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> .... yes, good luck indeed!!


Good one.

"Signs, everywhere there are signs .................".

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzaZkRnrQA8[/ame]


----------



## johnp

.... look before you look up!!


----------



## SINC

This thread needs this story. Where else would it belong?

Goat hair pheromone puts female goats in the mood, say goat-arousal experts - CSMonitor.com


----------



## Kazak

SINC said:


> This thread needs this story. Where else would it belong?


Your guess is as goat as mine.


----------



## SINC

Are you goating me again?


----------



## Kazak

"Goating to know you . . ."


----------



## pm-r

SINC said:


> This thread needs this story. Where else would it belong?
> 
> Goat hair pheromone puts female goats in the mood, say goat-arousal experts - CSMonitor.com



Oh Ooooo!! A bit late for the warning...

BBC News - Geep: Rare 'goat-sheep' born on Irish farm


----------



## SINC

Good Grief, Great Green Goat:


----------



## pm-r

Definitely a good test for WTF!!! 

I had to go a googling to discover it's a goat shape housing for a flash drive. Really???

Just a great shape to carry in one's pocket eh?? That would definitely be a good test.

https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:294667
Goat drive - Imgur


----------



## johnp

... a fashionable goat.


----------



## SINC

Is it a gonkey or a doat?


----------



## Kazak

Obviously, somebody said, "Kid my ass."


----------



## screature

SINC said:


> Is it a gonkey or a doat?


And now if he could only find a way to show her the love that he feels for her...


----------



## SINC

.


----------



## johnp

Heh goat, check out my ride!!


----------



## Kazak

Wonder how many clowns could fit on that thing.


----------



## KC4

That would look funny.


----------



## screature

johnp said:


> Heh goat, check out my ride!!


Giddy up rhino times a wastin...

We got to get to the finish line before the goat and donkey. C'mon let's go... ye-ha! 

Inter-species racing at its finest.


----------



## screature

Slow and steady wins the race...


----------



## screature

C'mon dude they are beating us...


----------



## screature

I told you we shouldn't have stopped at Starbucks...










Now we are behind...


----------



## johnp

Did someone say they want to run?


----------



## screature

Yes but you need to be the jockey or have a jockey to be eligible to enter the race.

I received an application from one Wile E Coyote who says he would be willing to be your teammate.


----------



## johnp

.... go pig go ...


----------



## Macfury

Save Sunshine!

www.change.org/en-CA/petitions/save...campaign=56257&alert_id=Fgfuhundjo_IaKOAoMdKN


----------



## slipstream

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/...lking-on-sunshine-whoa-oh-funny-pictures1.jpg


----------



## Kazak

What a croc.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## SINC

Kazak said:


> What a croc.


Hmmm, which croc?


----------



## KC4

Crocs as shoes: One of the most effective forms of birth control.


----------



## screature

KC4 said:


> Crocs as shoes: One of the most effective forms of birth control.


:lmao: True that... worn by either sex.


----------



## Macfury

screature said:


> :lmao: True that... worn by either sex.


Some people swear by the natural method--Birkenstock. However, this does not eliminate pregnancy through Birkenstock-to-Birkenstock transmission.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> . . . pregnancy through Birkenstock-to-Birkenstock transmission.


Why, that's positively sandalous.


----------



## SINC

And I noticed some holes in them, but they did have sole.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## screature

Croc lovers...


----------



## Kazak

Another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody . . .


----------



## SINC

Only The Lonely, dum, dum, dum, dum-de-doo-wah.


----------



## Kazak

Yep, 1 is the loneliest "members."


----------



## Macfury

A party with 261 guests, and he's lonely...


----------



## Kazak

You over-estimate my social skills.


----------



## Macfury

Eh Mac's resident wallflower. You could have introduced yourself by offering to change somebody's letter.


----------



## Kazak

I suspect there's a correlation between being a wallflower and my track record of making offers at parties, though I'm not sure which is the chicken and which the egg.


----------



## SINC

This of course only applies at hen parties.


----------



## Kazak

Ever wondered why some people at hen parties are catty?


----------



## KC4

And how some just don't give a cluck?


----------



## Kazak

Sometimes things can get nesty.


----------



## KC4

If it ain't pick, pick, picking, it's scratching!


----------



## SINC

KC4 said:


> If it ain't pick, pick, picking, it's scratching!


Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, picking their nose and ch . . . well you know the rest. beejacon


----------



## Dr.G.

XX)XX)



SINC said:


> Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, picking their nose and ch . . . well you know the rest. beejacon


----------



## KC4

The one almost sure thing about a Hen Party: 

Someone's probably gonna get laid.


----------



## Kazak

Or plucked.


----------



## johnp

....


----------



## Kazak

We interrupt the duelling Hypnotoads for the following announcement:

This is my 10,000th post.

W0000t!


----------



## Kazak

Oh, and Happy Birthday, SINC. It's a milestone for you, too.


----------



## Macfury

Yes, SINC is 10,000 years old!


----------



## johnp

Macfury said:


> Yes, SINC is 10,000 years old!


Yes ... with all those posts, must be, eh!!


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Yes, SINC is 10,000 years old!


He must have great stories, if he can remember them.


----------



## johnp

Kazak said:


> He must have great stories, if he can remember them.


I can relate to that!! 

... but to you, and the big "new number" .. way to go, eh!!! :clap:


----------



## SINC

Macfury said:


> Yes, SINC is 10,000 years old!





johnp said:


> Yes ... with all those posts, must be, eh!!


After last night's party, I feel that way.


----------



## KC4

Congratulations on the 10K Kazak! 6.21371  s

Happy Big Day Sinc! Hope it was great fun.


----------



## KC4

Ba Da Bing, Ba Da Bump, the Test thread's in a slump.


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> Ba Da Bing, Ba Da Bump, the Test thread's in a slump.


... it's only 1pm here ... it "feels" so much later!! Stupid time changes!!  

But in the spirit of "Ba Da Bing", et al, here's a toast to the rest of the day, and hope it treats everyone well!!


----------



## johnp

KC4 said:


> Ba Da Bing, Ba Da Bump, the Test thread's in a slump.


... the setting for our next balcony break (one of Jean's new paper mache creations for Christmas, and some good rum!!) 
Cheers!!


----------



## pm-r

Funny this thread got resurrected as I just recently got a real one from my wife:

" Just testing...

Hello

It's 11:19 Mexican time 10:20 in Victoria. I'm down at the pool area where the signal is 

Am thinking that when I push send it's off line and then waits till I get the signal again which could be later in the day

I'll send this now See if you get it

Love Me
-Sandi "

Some of her previous emails were taking twelve hours or more to arrive, including some she sent from the air flight. It seems the email service is taking some long siestas in Mazatlan!!

And John's photo above looks typical of the Mexican decorations she's enjoying. She says they, especially the kids, really take their Halloween and celebrations seriously and everyone has a good time. One place was even giving out free beer from an ice filled wheelbarrow in the street!! Nice.


----------



## Kazak

Bree feer!


----------



## pm-r

Siiiiiiiamigoooooooo…..


----------



## SINC

Hmmmm, gichigami even


----------



## KC4

Or, eh gammy!


----------



## Kazak

Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you're beautiful!


----------



## Macfury

She blinded me with Siam.


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> She blinded me with Siam.


Oh wah tay goo Siam.


----------



## Kazak

Dr.G. said:


> Oh wah tay goo Siam.


I remember that--to the tune of "God Save the Queen."


----------



## Dr.G.

Kazak said:


> I remember that--to the tune of "God Save the Queen."


God save the King and I.


----------



## pm-r

Dr.G. said:


> Oh wah tay goo Siam.



Hmmm…??? I always thought it was the Indian greeting:
_*Ahh wa ta na Siam*_.


----------



## Kazak

This is obviously a classic and fascinating example of cultures who could not have had contact with each other independently creating artifacts that are too similar to have occurred at random. 

Collective unconscious, anyone?


----------



## Kazak

and furthermore . . .


----------



## SINC

Yes, by all means, that too!


----------



## Macfury

...and my sweet old etcetera


----------



## screature

My friend Mike Rafone contacted me recently, complaining about how at work he is getting tired of how many of his "superiors" are getting all up in his face and screaming at him.

It gets on his nerves and hurts his ears.

Poor Mike. 

I feel his pain.

I suggested to him maybe he should consider getting another job ...

Maybe something along the lines of working for Parliament in the translation department.

I haven't heard back from Mike yet.


----------



## pm-r

Testing… testing… ???

_* Mike Rafone - It Drives Me Crazy*_

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vuwpoAQQqc ???

???


----------



## screature

pm-r said:


> testing… testing… ???
> 
> _* mike rafone - it drives me crazy*_
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vuwpoaqqqc ???
> 
> *???*


!!!...* !*... *?* :yikes:

He owes me royalties...


----------



## screature

I saw a bright yellow object in the sky this morning...

What does it mean?


----------



## Kazak

It means you don't live in the Lower Mainland.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> It means you don't live in the Lower Mainland.


Whew! Luckily I don't.

But it still scares me. 

I don't know what to make of it... it looks nice, but how do I know it isn't going to hurt me in the end?


----------



## screature

Knock... knock...

Who is there?

Someone who wants to kill you.

Take a number and get in line.


----------



## Macfury

If you never see it again, forget about it. If there's a repeat manifestation, it might be an omen.



screature said:


> Whew! Luckily I don't.
> 
> But it still scares me.
> 
> I don't know what to make of it... it looks nice, but how do I know it isn't going to hurt me in the end?


----------



## screature

Macfury said:


> If you never see it again, forget about it. If there's a repeat manifestation, it might be an omen.


Right... Except it happens at almost the same time every day... Well except it changes depending on the time of year... 

What kind of omen is this that chooses to appear and disappear willy-nilly and hide behind clouds?

I think the bright yellow light in the sky is a huge GE spotlight shinning on the moon reminding us that we should shoot for the moon and stars... egging us on to be more popular than we could have ever imagined and have at least 1,000,000 twitter and Facebook followers.


----------



## screature




----------



## Kazak

The recent photo of screature (above) supports his fear that the bright yellow light in the sky may be harmful.

It also raises the question: how do you take a selfie with a hoof?


----------



## screature

I mean it can give you skin cancer right. It is dangerous.

Silly you. 

It wasn't a selfie. I had my girlfriend, Baby Girl take the picture.

It is hard when you have hooves, but it can be done.


----------



## Kazak

"Oh Lord, it's hard to be hoofful . . . "


----------



## slipstream

"Car!" http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_96H-ov8cLVg/SUtKnWG5e-I/AAAAAAAAAag/054toFoGhf8/s400/gary_larson_cows.jpg


----------



## pm-r

screature said:


> Knock... knock...
> 
> Who is there?
> 
> Someone who wants to kill you.
> 
> Take a number and get in line.




Too late if you live in Surrey in BC's Lower Mainland as they've probably already got your number — especially if you're on anyone's _want_ hit list there.


----------



## Kazak

screature said:


> Knock... knock...
> 
> Who is there?
> 
> Someone who wants to kill you.
> 
> Take a number and get in line.


Sigh. You're supposed to say, "Someone who wants to kill you who?"


----------



## pm-r

And maybe _*Who's there*_…????

Whoever used _*Who is there*_…? 

Or was that part of the *test*?


----------



## Macfury

Jackie Gleason's underwear?


----------



## Kazak

What is the only thing in Hollywood never to get its own series?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Kazak

Gaunch & Ginch for $500, Alex.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Macfury

Paunch and Stench for $400.


----------



## Kazak

Kvetch and Retch for $200, and look, it's the Daily Dribble.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Sigh. You're supposed to say, "Someone who wants to kill you who?"


Oh Crap!

Right you are Kazack.

Damn.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Gaunch & Ginch for $500, Alex.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





Macfury said:


> Paunch and Stench for $400.





Kazak said:


> Kvetch and Retch for $200, and look, it's the Daily Dribble.


Klimt and Verklempt going for $15 million.


----------



## Kazak

[click]


----------



## KC4

[clique]


----------



## Kazak

Jacques: Mon Dieu! C'est une clique des poissons.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## KC4

SnapFish was already taken.


----------



## Kazak

But what about self-fish, peck-fish, Lillian Gfish, Fishtar, etc.?


----------



## SINC

Did you forget about cell fish?


----------



## KC4

O-Fish?


----------



## Kazak

One, two, red, blue . . . 

Next.


----------



## KC4

Three, Four, shut the door! 

Next.


----------



## KC4

I've always thought fish sticks were aquatic post-it notes.


----------



## Kazak

In fact, fish sticks are post-aquatic human food.


----------



## KC4

. 











. . . . ​


----------



## Kazak

You angler, you brought 'er.


----------



## Macfury

Dace with the yellowtail what brung ya.


----------



## Dr.G.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1003833922965461

Turkeys playing soccer??????????????? Wait until the goats arrive with their team.


----------



## Kazak

Macfury said:


> Dace with the yellowtail what brung ya.


How many dace have you been waiting to cast that line?


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> How many dace have you been waiting to cast that line?


More likely weeks... give or take a couple of dace when he couldn't afford to go to weeks.

Weeks fish and chips, Chepstow & Caldicot


----------



## kelman

Like fins through the hour bass
These are the dace of our lives


----------



## Kazak

Our most excellent colleague kelman has just given us an entirely new genre of daytime TV: the surf opera.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## kelman

Kazak said:


> Our most excellent colleague kelman has just given us an entirely new genre of daytime TV: the surf opera.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thanks Kazak, not sure what lured me to this thread but I'm hooked!


----------



## johnp

I made a few casts, but always seemed to lose my hooks.


----------



## kelman

johnp said:


> I made a few casts, but always seemed to lose my hooks.


Have you been watching the BC/Montreal game? BC seems to be floundering.


----------



## johnp

kelman said:


> Have you been watching the BC/Montreal game? BC seems to be floundering.


Tried the first quarter, but just for the halibut ...


----------



## Kazak

Tell salmon who cares.


----------



## pm-r

We'll all be herring about it when someone wins.


----------



## kelman

holy mackerel what a game!


----------



## SINC

Walleye'll be darned, BC lost.


----------



## Dr.G.

SINC said:


> Walleye'll be darned, BC lost.


Sinc, you are not lion about that score. It was a blowout.


----------



## Dr.G.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10151658937849364

Looks like fun ............. if you are a goat.


----------



## Kazak

They've got snow
In Buffalo,
But, oh dear,
We don't have any here.


----------



## Macfury

In Port Coquitlam
It rains in sheets, man.
If that rises you gorge
There's always Prince George.


----------



## SINC

There's no fairies
On the prairies,
But there be
Ferries in BC.


----------



## Kazak

Many people don't know
Edmonton doesn't get much snow.
What they do get, I hear,
Lasts 'bout half a year.


----------



## Macfury

There once was a man from St. Albert
Who composed all his rhymes on a tablet.
That's not really a rhyme, 
he realized in time,
"But I'm tired of using Herb Alpert."


----------



## Dr.G.

Macfury said:


> There once was a man from St. Albert
> Who composed all his rhymes on a tablet.
> That's not really a rhyme,
> he realized in time,
> "But I'm tired of using Herb Alpert."


:lmao::clap::clap::lmao:

Good one, Macfury. 

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxsOXOPni0o[/ame]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cK5pl6W2CFE[/ame]


----------



## Macfury

My favourites, Dr. G:





+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.









+
YouTube Video









ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.


----------



## screature

Macfury said:


> There once was a man from St. Albert
> Who composed all his rhymes on a tablet.
> That's not really a rhyme,
> he realized in time,
> "But I'm tired of using Herb Alpert."


Herb Alpert was a very fine man,
he did well in representing his clan.
What many people don't know,
is that his father could sew...
And he was of Romanian decent.


----------



## Kazak

Maybe "And he was of descent Romanian" to keep the rhyme.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Maybe "And he was of descent Romanian" to keep the rhyme.


Not sure how that rhymes but thanks. I broke the rhyme deliberately as sometimes it can provide emphasis in poetry... e.g.

Hickory, dickory, dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
And the mouse had a concussion.

Different strokes.


----------



## pm-r

Mouse dies of stroke!!


----------



## Kazak

Or stranger still: Mouse dies of strokes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Kazak

Oh, wait. Steinbeck went there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Macfury

I heard that Strauss died of smoke.


----------



## SINC

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the window sill
To see if they would fall off

So there!


----------



## screature

What if Mary had no lamb at all and was simply on the the lam from the cops?

Little Mary was on the lam.
Little Mary had no discernible plan.
Poor, poor little Mary.
She tried, but was foiled in her scam.


----------



## Kazak

haiku haiku hai
haiku haiku haiku hai
haiku haiku hai


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## screature

5
7
5


----------



## screature

.


----------



## screature

Kazak said:


> Maybe "And he was of descent Romanian" to keep the rhyme.


descent |dee-scent|:

verb
*1* The act of removing smelliness.
*2* Covering up one's tracks, so as to not be found.
*3* Taking off perfume or cologne.


----------



## KC4

desent |dee-sent|:

verb
1 The act of crawling down into a Canada post box to retrieve a letter, after releasing same, when you realize you used neither postage nor a return address. 
2 An email operation one wishes could have followed when they've accidentally sent a message containing personal information intended for one, using REPLY ALL.
3 Calling your spouse back from errands when you see, or hear, they left the house without pants.


----------



## johnp

screature said:


> descent |dee-scent|:
> verb
> *1* The act of removing smelliness.


... leave my scent alone!!


----------



## KC4




----------



## Aurora

KC4 That's so sad it's funny as hell


----------



## KC4

toast.


----------



## Dr.G.

KC4 said:


> toast.


toaster ..........


----------



## SINC

Toasted:


----------



## pm-r

Same to you…


----------



## johnp

Cheers!!


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> Cheers!!


Doxie Stout!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen what a pint of this stout does to a doxie??????


----------



## johnp

Good one Marc!!  :lmao:


----------



## Dr.G.

johnp said:


> Good one Marc!!  :lmao:


The problem is when they all fall off the wagon at once ..................


----------



## johnp

And back to "toasts" ... 

Here's one for Don!!
Brunch | Jono & Jules do food & wine

One I would like to try, but wouldn't even consider!!
Belgian Chocolate French Toast with Roasted Bananas and Whipped Cream |

Not really toast, but something 'toasted' I could opt for!!
Toasted Ravioli with Marinara Dipping Sauce Recipe - Clean Eating

Cheers!!


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> Doxie Stout!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen what a pint of this stout does to a doxie??????





johnp said:


> Good one Marc!!  :lmao:


:lmao: Good one indeed!


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> The problem is when they all fall off the wagon at once ..................


Marc I don't know if you have notice but why is there a wolf and what appears to be a wolverine looking to devour those helpless little drunk puppies.

Why... just why? :-(


----------



## screature

Dr.G. said:


> The problem is when they all fall off the wagon at once ..................


Marc I don't know if you have noticed but why is there a wolf and what appears to be a wolverine looking to devour those helpless little drunk puppies.

Why... just why? :-(


----------



## Dr.G.

screature said:


> Marc I don't know if you have noticed but why is there a wolf and what appears to be a wolverine looking to devour those helpless little drunk puppies.
> 
> Why... just why? :-(


It is all part of subliminal training, Screature. Show them pictures of wild animals in their whelping box ................ let them pee and poop on these images, and they will not fear them in later life. Then, comes the training for bigger and wilder creatures. From one to the other, it is just a matter of will and a "death before dishonor" attitude. Granted, some develop fear as pups, but those we send to pet homes for love and care.


----------

