# Argh! My co-worker is driving me nuts!



## Pylonman (Aug 16, 2004)

Ok, I don't mean to vent, but here's my problem. There is 3 of us working in a office 20' x 20' and the offending co-worker has been working at the company for 2 years and I have been there for 7. This co-worker of mine is a non-stop complanier. I mean the cup is always half empty with her and she makes it known verbally. It's so hard to concentrate when the pressure is on and trying to focus on your work. i.e. When she is given a new task, such as, laying out an ad for a different client. It starts. "How do I do this" "Who wrote down this" "How am i suppose to read such and suchs writting" It's wearing me down. 
I discussed the situation with another co-worker in the room and they feel the same way. I have also approached my supervisor and indicated, in a professional manner, that it's really distrubing me. My supervisor said she had previously discussed the matter with the offending co-worker. We even put up dividers in the work place. When the complaininf starts, I just want to duck and cover.

Anyway, I sorta lost it on her yesterday. She verbally attacked me about a procedure I do with finished ads, and it got my back up. I responded firmly and did not swear. But, boy was i  . My hands were shaking. I waited a bit to cool down and talked to my supervisor afterwards. I also wrote a flaming/I'm pissed at becuase/apology email to all the other co-workers in my office, accept for the offending co-worker. There's more to this situation, but I don't have time to really get into it.

So, today, the office is really quiet and the offending co-worker is not talking to me. At least it's quiet.  

Should I put poison in her food? Ground up glass? Hide behind my monitor?
Can anyone relate or given a suggestion?


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

If you have any pull around there, or if you want to be really sneaky, you might want to pretend to be apologetic and make nice. Then see if you can suggest a project for her to head up that you KNOW she will completely screw up on. Give her encouragement all the way, make happy noises and smiley faces...but DO NOT assist her in completing it. Always be somewhere else, with something important to do when she comes looking for a hand.

When she drops the ball, see if you can nudge the situation a bit so that it really has a negative impact. And be sure that she is seen to be the one who made a mess out of it.

She will either be "promoted out" of the department, or given reduced responsibilities in the future. Eventually, she will look elsewhere I'd bet.

It's actually a part of the natural renewal process to expose and remove weak or troublesome team members. It's this way in sports and it's this way in business.

It's only in a union situation where deadwood becomes entrenched and can't be flushed out. That's why union shops are far less efficient and more costly to run.

My 2 cents worth.


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## Pylonman (Aug 16, 2004)

Oh MacNutt, that sooo vicious  
But, I like it!  
I will suggest a sh*t job like cleaning up the spot/CMYK logos to my Supervisor.
Thanks


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## diemodern (Mar 17, 2005)

Pylonman said:


> Should I put poison in her food? Ground up glass? Hide behind my monitor?
> Can anyone relate or given a suggestion?


Just tape a piece of baloney way back under her desk ... then watch and smell the magic in a few days.


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

Ah yes, the chronic complainer...

I work with a guy who complains constantly and walks around sighing loudly and pouting. What a miserable existence!

You know, I think it's okay to vent to a co-worker now and then, but people like this are obviously just unhappy in general and feel the need to share it with others...either that or they're covering up for their own incompetence. Regardless, that type of behaviour can bring an entire department down!

Why can't people just be grateful that they are employed? Times are tough and there are a lot of people who are working crappy jobs for very little money and so many who are unemployed!


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Mrs. Furley said:


> Why can't people just be grateful that they are employed? Times are tough and there are a lot of people who are working crappy jobs for very little money and so many who are unemployed!


????? Are we talking about the same country here? there are LOTS of great jobs around...and they pay so well that the average price of a single family house is now more than half a million bucks! And rising fast! The economic growth is phenomenal and the futurte looks really bright!

Oh...wait...you are in Ontario. That explains it.


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

How about this...

I have a co-worker who seems to think it's acceptable to eat food in meetings. I wouldn't have such a big problem with this if it wasn't for the loud smacking and talking with a full mouth. I even saw pieces of apple go flying once. I think he actually does it on purpose because he'll take a nice big bite right before he plans to speak. It's really gross.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Some people aren't happy until their unhappy, I guess.

At my office, complaining, pouting and self-pity will only bring you sarcasm, taunting and the oft-used title "Muffin" or "Muffin-ass." One of the prerequisites of our workplace is humor. If you don't have it, you won't last very long. In fact, we had a designer leave (on his own, thank god) partially due to severe lack of letting "stuff" go... he always focused the one negative thing about a job, client, or whatever to the point of insanity. The phrase "just let it go" was heard at least once a day.

He's now working for the government.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

> Oh...wait...you are in Ontario. That explains it.


Whoa, Macnutt, you're funny... too bad looks aren't everything.


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

Muffin-ass???


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Yes... as in: Oh, poor muffin-ass. Or, Muffino-asinino.


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## shoe (Apr 6, 2005)

make a sign that reads:

Not a Place for a Negative person hang it over the back of her chair.

either that or find a new job but ill tell ya this, where ever you go theres always gonna be someone, just like when ever i go to the leafs game theres always some moron who knows nothing about hockey but talks the loudest and crap he knows nothing about.

shoe


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

« MannyP Design » said:


> Yes... as in: Oh, poor muffin-ass. Or, Muffino-asinino.


Now my co-workers wonder why I'm sitting here grinning.


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## GratuitousApplesauce (Jan 29, 2004)

Pylonman said:


> Oh MacNutt, that sooo vicious
> But, I like it!
> I will suggest a sh*t job like cleaning up the spot/CMYK logos to my Supervisor.


Just make sure your employer or co-worker don't know you post to this forum or could find out, or you might find yourself in a worse situation than you want to put your complaining co-worker in.

Just my .02


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## oryxbiker (Nov 29, 2001)

Pylonman said:


> Ok, I don't mean to vent, but here's my problem. There is 3 of us working in a office 20' x 20' and the offending co-worker has been working at the company for 2 years and I have been there for 7. This co-worker of mine is a non-stop complanier. I mean the cup is always half empty with her and she makes it known verbally. It's so hard to concentrate when the pressure is on and trying to focus on your work. i.e. When she is given a new task, such as, laying out an ad for a different client. It starts. "How do I do this" "Who wrote down this" "How am i suppose to read such and suchs writting" It's wearing me down.
> I discussed the situation with another co-worker in the room and they feel the same way. I have also approached my supervisor and indicated, in a professional manner, that it's really distrubing me. My supervisor said she had previously discussed the matter with the offending co-worker. We even put up dividers in the work place. When the complaininf starts, I just want to duck and cover.
> 
> Anyway, I sorta lost it on her yesterday. She verbally attacked me about a procedure I do with finished ads, and it got my back up. I responded firmly and did not swear. But, boy was i  . My hands were shaking. I waited a bit to cool down and talked to my supervisor afterwards. I also wrote a flaming/I'm pissed at becuase/apology email to all the other co-workers in my office, accept for the offending co-worker. There's more to this situation, but I don't have time to really get into it.
> ...


switch the "M" and "N" keys and the "," and "." keys on her keyboard. that really pisses off people who type and look at the keyboard.


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

I've got a floor hockey ball that I throw at people when they wind me up in the office.

The things I get away with, being the "creative" one here...

Otherwise, there's the guy who will hump your chair if he feels you need to blow off steam. Or if he does. Or if the mood strikes him. It's always good for a laugh.

We're not your typical office.......


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## autopilot (Dec 2, 2004)

oryxbiker said:


> switch the "M" and "N" keys and the "," and "." keys on her keyboard. that really pisses off people who type and look at the keyboard.


hahaha, that would completely mess me up!


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## NBiBooker (Apr 3, 2004)

The M and N key thing is priceless.


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## shoe (Apr 6, 2005)

change the keyboard layout to french as well the question mark will become an e with an accent on it.

shoe ( again)


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

All of this stuff is just petty and childish. None of it will ever have any real effect on your problem at all. Especially in the long run. 

Want to get rid of a troublesome and deficient colleague? Then make sure that they are assigned to head up a BIG project that you KNOW they cannot handle. Cheer that person on, while they take on the Big Project. Loudly. Be SERIOUS when you are cheering them on! I'm not kidding!!

If they fail and screw up, then they will be GONE. Sooner or later. Problem solved. Trouble GONE!

If they rise to the challenge...and you were loudly cheering them on while they did...then you will have a valuable and fast friend, and an ally for LIFE!. One who will do anything for you in the future. (you were the ONLY ONE who backed them on this tough project, after all!)

It's a win-win scenario. 

And it sure beats something silly like changing the keys on their keyboard...or putting a piece of baloney under their desk. 

Yeah...that would REALLY solve the problem. Right.  

(Why do I get the impression, sometimes, that I am instructing a kindergarten class here?) YIKES.


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## SkyHook (Jan 23, 2001)

.


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## MacNutt (Jan 16, 2002)

Then again...you might just have found the perfect position as a result of these adverts, which were posted by someone who wanted to do mischeif. Adverts, BTW, which you probably weren't looking at yourself. Were you?

Dark clouds can have bright linings. Sometimes the oddest things can change your life for the better. Keep an open mind. Be prepared for anything. ALWAYS!!

Just my advice. For what it's worth. 

(Hey!...it's worked for me! And I'm not doing too badly right now, after all.)


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## talonracer (Dec 30, 2003)

Oh I dunno about that... you can't even make time to come over to Calgary and enjoy several pints with the lads...

And damn, I amn drunk again.... wheeeehooo!


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## diemodern (Mar 17, 2005)

MacNutt said:


> And it sure beats something silly like changing the keys on their keyboard...or putting a piece of baloney under their desk.
> 
> Yeah...that would REALLY solve the problem. Right.
> 
> (Why do I get the impression, sometimes, that I am instructing a kindergarten class here?) YIKES.


No, putting a piece of baloney under their desk is still better.  

And you should really try and unwind a bit Nutt, for someone living out west where you do, you sure are wound tighter than a snare drum.


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## Pylonman (Aug 16, 2004)

> Just make sure your employer or co-worker don't know you post to this forum or could find out, or you might find yourself in a worse situation than you want to put your complaining co-worker in.


Point taken
She uses the web for need-to-know basis, weather, news, etc. Does not know about or care for this type of forum. She still has dial up at home. We are all trying to convince her to get the high speed lite plan through Shaw, but she complains she can't afford the extra $10.00 per month.

MacNutt
I would say you have a good long term suggestion. I am in the process of suggesting a project to the boss.

The baloney, change the "m" and "n" key and others are very good. I will resort to them in the heat of the moment.

Oh, If some of the female ehmacers are wondering. I have nothing againest working with females. (I am the only male in a 5 person agency office) 

I discussed to situation with my boss and I think there is larger forces at work (unhappy home life, hates men, etc). My complaining co-worker actually got into an agrument with my boss earlier that day. She complained she couldn't do a layout. I'd say thats dangerous ground, saying to her boss, she can't do her job.

Anyway, the office is really quiet. But, I'll keep the foam brick handy.


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

When someone is giving you the silent treatment, I think what works best is to carry on as usual and pretend like you don't notice - say good morning to her in a cheery voice. She is likely very needy for attention and is resorting to this in order to get some. The fact that you appear to not be bothered by it will drive her nuts. It's a passive aggressive approach, but it does tend to work.


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## moonsocket (Apr 1, 2002)

It's funny. I was wondering if she wasn't depressed? I am also a glass half empty person (I try not ,however , to let it affect my work). Chronic depression, which I seem to have, is really hard to live with. No matter how well you do or how much you are told you are great it doesn't sink in. Not saying she has this problem but you never know. Could be why she says that she can't do a layout. I've said "I can't" so many times when I knew I could but the depression totally took over.

Just a thought. She could actually just be an idiot ( of which I worked with a few) 

Did any of what I wrote make sense? :?


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## winwintoo (Nov 9, 2004)

I'm going to let my guard down here and "share" what I know you will all think is too much information but here goes:

I'm guessing this co-worker is a woman "of a certain age" - as they say - there are probably some pretty serious possible REAL illnesses at work that are causing her to behave this way.

Depression - now that you've all snorted your coffee out your nose, settle down and take a moment to understand that it is a real illness and it's symptoms are just what is described here. And as they say with mental illness, the sufferer is the last to know - she has no idea she is sick because she can find so much around her to blame her troubles on. Depression robs the sufferer of the perspective and the ability to carry on in spite of the every day nuttiness that we deal with.

Menopause - it hits women at earlier and earlier ages and women who are in stressful (creativity can be stressful) jobs are often hit harder than those who are in other occupations. There is a close relationship between hormone changes and mental accuity - she just might be having trouble remembering things from day to day - what the hell was I going to say?

It's not really your problem, but in a way it is.

I had a co-worker who took me aside - I suspect he drew the short straw or maybe he volunteered because he and I had gone 10 rounds often enough he knew what it was like - and he told me that I needed some time off and not to come back to work until I got well. Huh I thought?

Anyway, it was all of the above. I never did return to that job in a productive way. The damage to my memory as a direct result of depression and the side-effects of the drugs I took as a self-medication coping mechanism are permanent. I now live in a happy bubble of semi-oblivion.

Was I pissed off at the nerve of my co-worker? Darn right - at first. Now I wish someone had done it 15 years sooner.

Margaret


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

moonsocket said:


> It's funny. I was wondering if she wasn't depressed? I am also a glass half empty person (I try not ,however , to let it affect my work). Chronic depression, which I seem to have, is really hard to live with. No matter how well you do or how much you are told you are great it doesn't sink in. Not saying she has this problem but you never know. Could be why she says that she can't do a layout. I've said "I can't" so many times when I knew I could but the depression totally took over.
> 
> Just a thought. She could actually just be an idiot ( of which I worked with a few)
> 
> Did any of what I wrote make sense? :?


Makes a lot of sense, actually. Too much. Apologies for going off-topic, but moonsocket, if you seem to have chronic depression, then you really should look into some help--assuming that you're not already. 

I say this only because I kind of thought that I might have a depression problem for years, and it's only right now I started therapy to get myself out of that place. It's very hard, but it's helping.

I didn't seek help for a long time. By a lot of external measures, I am a successful, functioning member of society. I figured that even though I was a bit pessimistic sometimes, I was doing well (I wasn't holed up in my bed crying or anything), I was coping fine because I was still living my life--working, married, had friends, etc. What could therapy do for me that I wasn't already doing myself? 

I've since discovered that my view of the world was distorted by negative thinking habits, and that what I thought wasn't a big deal was actually a more serious problem then I gave it credit for. There's a lot more that I can do for myself than what I was doing, and I simply didn't know that.

Right, well, back to your regularly scheduled topic. 

But yes, it's quite likely that she has some serious emotional problems that she's not fully aware of.


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## Pylonman (Aug 16, 2004)

The co-worker in question, is in her mid to late fifties and living on her own. Her father had just passed away in February and her mother passed away about 1 year ago.

I think moonsucket and winwintoo have helped me understand what the bigger forces at work are.

Now, I feel a little sad about my rant


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## Carex (Mar 1, 2004)

Divorced recently or always single. Kids or no kids, what age?

The above could affect her view of the world. 

She could also be the close to retirement, see it all done it all, type of person that is beyond change or willingness to do so. If she has worked there a long time and has seen manager change over many times throughout her career, and has never herself had the motivation to be upwardly mobile, it may just be her personality. You could work elsewhere, being young, bright and up to the challenge.


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## Mrs. Furley (Sep 1, 2004)

Pylonman said:


> The co-worker in question, is in her mid to late fifties and living on her own. Her father had just passed away in February and her mother passed away about 1 year ago.
> 
> I think moonsucket and winwintoo have helped me understand what the bigger forces at work are.
> 
> Now, I feel a little sad about my rant


Sounds like she has good reason to feel a little down. Maybe a more gentle approach would help the situation...?


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## winwintoo (Nov 9, 2004)

Don't feel bad, I know first hand what it's like to BE HER and not know what's wrong. 

Does your company have an employee assistance program? A health insurance plan or anything like that? Does she have access to sick leave?

How would you approach her? I'm going to assume that you are a lot younger than her and you've said that you are male and she lives alone and I'm betting that all the other women, including the boss are all younger than her.

She isn't going to like hearing it from anyone - especially the younger women - she won't be able to relate to them at all. They have their lives ahead of them, hers is over etc. AND, they can't relate to her because in THEIR minds, they will NEVER let that happen to them.

So <tag> you're it.

Take her to a conference room, take along a box of kleenex. She knows that you have no idea what she's going through but you can say that you understand that it might be a problem and in conversations you've had with your mom/grandma/aunts/that crabby old bat on the internet it can sneak up on a person before they know what's happening but there is help and you can say you're sorry for yelling at her or whatever, and then give her my email address - I can recommend some books and other resources and offer an open ear.

Or you can carry on and cut her some slack. Tease her about other things. Treat her as if she's normal. Who knows, she might discover that with a friend in the office she'll want to be a better person and seek help on her own.

Margaret


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## ErnstNL (Apr 12, 2003)

I'm with Margaret on this one. 
No matter how hard we try, we can't leave our baggage at the office door. It follows us around. As much as we want to convince ourselves otherwise, our home problems will affect our work performance in a negative way. Margaret's advice is wise. There are many private companies offering courses in stress coping skills with psychological counselling. 
Your place of work should have contacts, or if not, the local Mental Health Association office should help.


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## ErnstNL (Apr 12, 2003)

Of course your manager or staff health person should be doing this. 
There has to be a willingness on both employer and employee to address any problems and make a plan with some follow up over a mutually agreed upon period of time. To dismiss a person without some accomodation from the employer these days is a no-no, lawsuits for unjust dismissal are very popular.


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## winwintoo (Nov 9, 2004)

I guess I should clarify, when my co-worker told me to stay home until I could behave like a human being, he and I both knew that I was covered by our company's excellent employee benefits - at the time I had about 2 years of sick leave at full pay.

I realize that isn't always possible for some people, but there are still ways around it.

Take care, Margaret


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## gordguide (Jan 13, 2001)

Where I work we have a simple solution. You are required to get along with all staff, treat them in a courteous manner, and must not adversely affect the morale of those around you.

What do we do? We send letters of warning, twice, then we fire them. If there is any violence, you don't get the letters; it's prohibited and results in immediate dismissal. In either case, you pack up your stuff that day.

They take the working environment seriously. Even if firing someone would result in a suit, they still fire your ass, and settle the suit later. They simply don't want disruptive people and are willing to pay a settlement to insure it stays that way.

If you are fired, the company will offer to pay for courses or treatment and if you agree to counseling they will consider your application without prejudice should a position open and the former employee applies. If you don't take them up on the offer, you're done.


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