# blonde joke du jour



## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, and then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."


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## Vexel (Jan 30, 2005)

Great one MACSPECTRUM 

What did the Blondes left leg say to the other?
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Nothing, they never met!  

edit: I'm so getting in trouble for that... Don't be hatin!


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## Jacklar (Jul 23, 2005)

ahahahahahhahahahaha

Can't ever get enough of blond jokes!

Both are great


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## krs (Mar 18, 2005)

A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.

"I'll take that bet," the blonde replied.

A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.

"No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies, "I owe you $50 dollars."



The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."



"That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."


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## gwillikers (Jun 19, 2003)

Here's  my favorite, it's an audio file.


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## The Doug (Jun 14, 2003)

A policeman is out on highway patrol, when a blonde races by him at about 100 mph. He catches up to the fast moving vehicle and realizes to his horror that the driver is knitting behind the wheel.

The policeman gets on his loudspeaker and commands the driver to PULL OVER! but the driver seems to mutter and just points to the piece she is knitting. The highway patrolman has to repeat his PULL OVER! command a couple of times before the speeding car finally slows, and eventually stops.

Once parked, the patrolman approaches the other car. Before he can say anything the driver leans out the window waving her work-in-progress, and says, "See silly? I told you. It's not a pullover, it's a scarf!"


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

Subject: Blonde year in review
> 
> January - Took her new scarf back to
> the store because it was too tight.
> 
> February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because 
> the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
> 
> March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw 
> puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."
> 
> April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours 
> when the power went out.
> 
> May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of 
> water won't fit into those little packets.
> 
> June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she 
> couldn't find a lake with a slope.
> 
> July - After losing in a breaststroke swimming 
> competition, complained to the judges that the
> other swimmers were using their arms.
> 
> August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when 
> trying to get into their locked car using a 
> coat hanger because it was starting to 
> rain and the top was down.
> 
> September - When asked what the
> capital of California was: answered "C."
> 
> October - Hates M & M's because they are so hard 
> to peel.
> 
> November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because 
> the instructions said 1 hour per pound 
> and she weighed 120.
> 
> December - Couldn't call 911 because there was 
> no "11" on any phone button.


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

Are we now going to have black joke of the day or jewish joke of the day? How white-men-wearing-baseball-caps joke of the day, fat-people joke of the day?


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Cameo said:


> >
> > November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because
> > the instructions said 1 hour per pound
> > and she weighed 120.
> >


OK so who's the blonde here? 4 * 24 = 96.

That should be 5 days...


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Wolfshead said:


> Are we now going to have black joke of the day or jewish joke of the day? How white-men-wearing-baseball-caps joke of the day, fat-people joke of the day?


Must be a blonde.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Seems to me we did not need yet another joke thread. There has been one available (joke du jour) since Sept. 23 of 2004.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Am I the only one that finds this demeaning to women??? The only woman who was blond that I have ever dated was so intelligent and talented, in an eclectic manner, could run rings around me, MacDoc, Jim Woodget, Sinc, et al, combined. 

I am not going to spoil your "fun", however, in that Cameo, whom I respect, joined in with a posting of her own. Paix, mes amis.


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## Vexel (Jan 30, 2005)

I think it's the intent of the joke.. sometimes jokes can go too far. However, I have to say. The best "Black" jokes I've heard were by my African Canadian friends. In defence of the thread, my girlfriend.. who is the smartest woman I've ever met and loved... who is also blonde... LOVES these jokes. 

Jokes based on stereotypes are quite funny, only because you know they aren't true. They're Stereotypes. I don't think any of the posts were meant as hatred whatsoever. 

Hehe.. Dr. G.. got any good Cape Bretoner Jokes?  I've a few NL'r jokes


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

Dr.G. said:


> Am I the only one that finds this demeaning to women???


Probably not, but I think I can explain why so many people (myself included) give a "free pass" to blonde jokes: they're not really making fun of all blonde women so much as playing with a Hollywood stereotype of the "dumb blonde."

It's not unlike jokes making fun of musicians, even though we all know that a great musician has an enviable brain indeed:

Q. What happened when the guitarist locked his keys in the car?
A. It took him an hour to free the drummer.


Or writers...supposedly amongst the most respected professions:

Q. What's the difference between a writer and a large pizza?
A. The pizza can feed a family of four.


Computer programmers:

Q. Why did the programmer spend a whole day in the shower?
A. The shampoo bottle said "Lather, rinse, repeat."

I don't think any of these are truly demeaning to any of the professions lampooned; they just riff on stereotypes in a relatively harmless fashion. I've heard some seriously sick blonde jokes, but met very few blondes who found the genre offensive (on the rare occasions when the subject has come up), because the "dumb blonde" exists mostly on TV and in the movies; the jokes are too far from any real target to be truly offensive. IMO, YMMV, etc.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Vexel, I have never heard any "Cape Bretoner Jokes", and I find many of the "Newfie" jokes offensive.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

iMatt, the women, who happened to be a natural blond, found such jokes offensive. She said that there were a few people in her Mensa group who felt the same way.


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

Of course these jokes are meant to demean women. Do you ever hear any about blond MEN? They seem to be repeated by men with eggshell egos and women who wish to gain the approval of said men.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Wolfshead said:


> Of course these jokes are meant to demean women. Do you ever hear any about blond MEN? They seem to be repeated by men with eggshell egos and women who wish to gain the approval of said men.


A wee bit touchy aren't we? There may not be jokes about blonde men, but I've seen quite a few e-mail jokes at the expense of men. Nice to see people are ready to get their proverbial panties in a knot over something trivial.

It's a joke, folks. "An amusing or _ludicrous_ incident or situation."

If anyone actually believed that blonde women were _that_ dumb, it wouldn't be a joke. Get over it. I know of at least a handful of women who have (at a minimum) one favorite blonde joke... they're smart enough to know that it means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

My problem is that many people do believe that blond women are dumb and these "jokes" serve to perpetuate the myth.


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## krs (Mar 18, 2005)

Wolfshead said:


> Do you ever hear any about blond MEN? They seem to be repeated by men with eggshell egos and women who wish to gain the approval of said men.


Jokes about blond MEN?

Right here - lots of them:

http://www.cs.utah.edu/~scook/html/blonde.htm

Noticed the .edu suffix?

And another thing to ponder -

Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So that men can understand them.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Wolfshead said:


> My problem is that many people do believe that blond women are dumb and these "jokes" serve to perpetuate the myth.


Bull****. The fact of the matter is you have no clue how many (if any) actually believe the jokes (no quotes) to be true any more than Lawyer jokes (feel free to click the google link if you'd like -- it'll help the site), Doctor jokes, Wife/Husband jokes, Old Fart jokes, Newfie jokes (the Newfs have jokes too, by the way -- I've heard enough "Mainlander" jokes from them to know).

Go piss on someone else's thread.


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## iMatt (Dec 3, 2004)

Dr.G. said:


> iMatt, the women, who happened to be a natural blond, found such jokes offensive. She said that there were a few people in her Mensa group who felt the same way.


I certainly won't argue that they're an especially sophisticated or cerebral form of humour. Quite the contrary: they are surely among the lowest forms. Nor would I claim that no blonde woman is offended by them; I too have met some. (As a rule, I'm not likely to find out.) Who am I to say "don't be offended"? I realize that some people will be offended, but that's the price of humour: you'd be hard pressed to find a single funny joke that won't offend someone, somewhere.

All that said, though, I don't see these jokes as being in the same league as jokes about Newfoundlanders, Poles, Montenegrins, or Jews, which at their worst have tended to paint entire peoples and ethnic groups as having traits like greed, slovenliness, stupidity... 

Blonde jokes are more like jokes about short people, tall people, the proverbial guy who walks into a bar, how many ____ does it take to screw in a lightbulb, etc.: bits of silliness and wordplay organized around a common theme but not actually constituting sincere generalizations about women or even blonde women. The absence of sincere generalization is, to me, what takes the bite away. 

Again, though, I'm sure some people find them crass and/or offensive, and they are entitled to feel that way. I don't think that means the rest of us aren't entitled to laugh.


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## Vexel (Jan 30, 2005)

I'm a fan of George Carlin and Eddie Murphy.. as well as Dave Chappelle. So.. there's where my humor comes from.

Censorship is no remedy either. Why should a few people who take things a little too literally spoil the fun for everyone else? As I said.. it's the intent of the joke. By no means were any of them meant to be literal... hence, shouldn't be taken that way. I won't take blame for someone elses stupidity, sorry.

Anyway.. the fun is gone now.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

I went blonde years ago. I am not stupid, dumb nor an idiot. I have never associate "blonde" jokes with a real person, whereas I abhor racist jokes, whether black, newfoundland, pakistan, iraq..........those I do not find funny.
Those are hurtful. Not sure why I have never thought that blonde jokes really applied to women. Though, after reading the posts maybe I should give it more thought. Some here have posted in this thread have posted in other threads and shown themselves to be intelligent and kind and I have a hard time believing that they actually meant anything offensive or demeaning.


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Cameo said:


> Some here have posted in this thread have posted in other threads and shown themselves to be intelligent and kind and I have a hard time believing that they actually meant anything offensive or demeaning.


I posted in this thread only to point out we already have a joke de jour thread and really did not need another. You will notice I did not post a blonde joke since I happen to agree with Dr. G. that they are demeaning to women. My wife of 40 years is blonde and is at least twice as smart as me!


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## Vexel (Jan 30, 2005)

SINC said:


> I posted in this thread only to point out we already have a joke de jour thread and really did not need another. You will notice I did not post a blonde joke since I happen to agree with Dr. G. that they are demeaning to women. My wife of 40 years is blonde and is at least twice as smart as me!


That's fine.. I also posted.. that my girlfriend is Blonde.. and particularly likes the jokes.. and doesn't find them demeaning. I think they're funny. Who's right?  

This is a lost cause.. because.. there's always someone who will be offended.. It's life! Get a helmet!


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

Just as anyone has a right to tell these jokes, I have the right to be offended by them. I also have as much right as anyone else on this forum to express myself. Keep on telling the jokes, have fun, they say more about the person telling them than the subject of the jokes.


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

BTW, MannyP Design: I know from personal experience that many people do believe stereotypes - and not only this one. Don't start telling me what I know or don't know.


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## Cameo (Aug 3, 2004)

I respect what both Dr G and Sinc say.........I am just pointing out that I never thought of it that way.......not to say that it isn't. It has given me some food for thought.......though I believe they weren't posted to give offence.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Wolfshead said:


> Just as anyone has a right to tell these jokes, I have the right to be offended by them. I also have as much right as anyone else on this forum to express myself. Keep on telling the jokes, have fun, they say more about the person telling them than the subject of the jokes.


So go start a thread on it.


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## Wolfshead (Jul 17, 2003)

Why? You're already responding this one.


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

Because you're derailing this one. Duh.


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## lpkmckenna (Jul 4, 2004)

Q. What do you call the useless bit of skin at the end of the penis?
A. The man.

Q. How do you know that the sofa is level?
A. The man on it drools from both sides of his mouth.

Q. What do men and computers have in common?
A. They can be up or down. They can be fun when they're up, but then it's harder to get any work done.

I went looking for a site with jokes about men, but I found something that gives a new twist to make love not war


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

Dr.G. said:


> iMatt, the women, who happened to be a natural blond, found such jokes offensive. She said that there were a few people in her Mensa group who felt the same way.


so the Mensa people who "felt the same way" (you just know that is begging for a Freudian slip) are blondes or just felt that such jokes were offensive?

And what about "non-natural" blondes. You know, the kind that come out of a bottle?


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## MACSPECTRUM (Oct 31, 2002)

SINC said:


> I posted in this thread only to point out we already have a joke de jour thread and really did not need another. You will notice I did not post a blonde joke since I happen to agree with Dr. G. that they are demeaning to women. *My wife of 40 years is blonde and is at least twice as smart as me!*


Must... resist.... easy... joke... about.... whips... and.... baby cats.....


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## seetobylive (Aug 4, 2004)

Man so many ehmacer's so few sense of humour. it seems like there are so may here that just read the threads and watch for a description of some one or something so they can judge it adn be offended for some else or something else. So much wasted Energy...

So that being said:

there's a blond a brunette and a red head in a Doctor's Office (perhaps Dr. G's) all pregant adn talking about what they are going to have.

The Red head says that she was reading because she was on the bottom during the... moment... she was most likley to have a boy.

The Brunette said "Oh, well I guess as I was on top I am most likely to have a girl"

That's when the blonde piped up "Oh dear Lord!!!! I think I might be having Puppies!!!!

Thank you thank you, try the veal!


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## lpkmckenna (Jul 4, 2004)

MACSPECTRUM said:


> Must... resist.... easy... joke... about.... whips... and.... baby cats.....


I couldn't believe he said that either. 

And I hope the blonde Mensa thing was meant to be facetious. A brilliant, humourless blonde would be hell to spend time around.


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## iPetie (Nov 25, 2003)

seetobylive said:


> Man so many ehmacer's so few sense of humour. it seems like there are so may here that just read the threads and watch for a description of some one or something so they can judge it adn be offended for some else or something else. So much wasted Energy...
> 
> So that being said:
> 
> ...


LOL, that's funny.
But in this day and age, how could you ever, knowing what we know, talk about actually eating veal! Wel, let me tell you, Blah, Blah , Blah , Blah.........


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## lpkmckenna (Jul 4, 2004)

Eating baby sheep! That's nothing. I don't feel Canadian unless I admire high-rez photos of bloodied, frozen riverbeds, with baby seal carcasses piled like cordwood.

I wonder what baby seal tastes like? Should it be battered like fish?


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## iPetie (Nov 25, 2003)

lpkmckenna said:


> Eating baby sheep! That's nothing. I don't feel Canadian unless I admire high-rez photos of bloodied, frozen riverbeds, with baby seal carcasses piled like cordwood.
> 
> I wonder what baby seal tastes like? Should it be battered like fish?


You are truly a brave man posting this subject matter. Some might find it a little distasteful.

However, I'd say raw like sushi.


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