# How do you become a certified priest /minister/reverend and start your own religion?



## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

*.*

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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

I'd say "ask L. Ron Hubbard," but that won't do. Anyway, he knew a thing or two about starting his own religion and making some serious coin. You might try researching the early days of Scientology, however, for tips and pointers.

The fact that religions are tax-free is precisely why I am in favour of taxing them from the get-go. Too many abuses are possible under the current system. It's hard to refrain from deep cynicism regarding religion when one considers how massive the rake-in can be.


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## Sonal (Oct 2, 2003)

I believe that starting your own recognized religion (i.e., one that will allow you to have tax benefits and be able to perform weddings) is a rather difficult process. Takes a fair amount of time to get the government seal of approval.

You're better bet is to hook in with a recognized religion that allows you to do what you want.


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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

Agreed... much easier to join an existing one than start up your own.


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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Universal Life Church - fill in this form, hit the "*Ordain me*" button and you're good to go....

signed
Rev'r'nd Bob....


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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## gwillikers (Jun 19, 2003)

MasterBlaster said:


> Of course one must worship heavenly bodies too


----

It appears that he's worshiping the moose on the wall.  

:lmao:


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## Gerbill (Jul 1, 2003)

Max said:


> I'd say "ask L. Ron Hubbard," but that won't do. Anyway, he knew a thing or two about starting his own religion and making some serious coin. You might try researching the early days of Scientology, however, for tips and pointers.
> 
> The fact that religions are tax-free is precisely why I am in favour of taxing them from the get-go. Too many abuses are possible under the current system. It's hard to refrain from deep cynicism regarding religion when one considers how massive the rake-in can be.


 Religions are NOT tax free. The only part of a church that enjoys a tax exemption is the actual sanctuary - the church hall, flower beds, parking lot, etc. are all taxed normally.


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## HowEver (Jan 11, 2005)

Gerbill said:


> Religions are NOT tax free. The only part of a church that enjoys a tax exemption is the actual sanctuary - the church hall, flower beds, parking lot, etc. are all taxed normally.


You write "taxed normally" as if it isn't an oxymoron.


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## mrjimmy (Nov 8, 2003)

Why don't you just form your own cult and squeeze cash out of your followers. Live in a compound somewhere, don't worry about legitimate status and when things go wrong, follow the lead of those who went before you.

Easy breezy.


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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

Gerbill said:


> Religions are NOT tax free. The only part of a church that enjoys a tax exemption is the actual sanctuary - the church hall, flower beds, parking lot, etc. are all taxed normally.


So what you do is you make your sanctuary the principal arena of your money-generating schemes. Be creative and find a willing accountant who understands what you're trying to do and agrees with your vision. There's more than one way to skin a cat, you know.

But I'm with Mr. Jimmy. If you really want to amass some cash, go the isolated, enigmatic messiah route... much more drama there, really. Start wearing some quasi-biblical getups, adopt a stern patriarchal air, attract dozens of comely, fertile young women, find a good place to build an impressive compound to keep the outsiders away. Oh, and start amassing an armory. Don't forget to crush and banish all would-be dissenters, as well as building into your myth the whole end times angle; desperate times, desperate measures, that sort of thing. It takes a few years. You need to build up a certain level of notoriety, and let's face it, we're talking years here. It helps if a few of your followers have to go to jail for various offenses - it stokes the fires, so to speak.


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## mrjimmy (Nov 8, 2003)

Max said:


> So what you do is you make your sanctuary the principal arena of your money-generating schemes. Be creative and find a willing accountant who understands what you're trying to do and agrees with your vision. There's more than one way to skin a cat, you know.
> 
> But I'm with Mr. Jimmy. If you really want to amass some cash, go the isolated, enigmatic messiah route... much more drama there, really. Start wearing some quasi-biblical getups, adopt a stern patriarchal air, attract dozens of comely, fertile young women, find a good place to build an impressive compound to keep the outsiders away. Oh, and start amassing an armory. Don't forget to crush and banish all would-be dissenters building into your myth the whole end times angle; desperate times, desperate measures, that sort of thing. It takes a few years. You need to build up a certain level of notoriety, and let's face it, we're talking years here. It helps if a few of your followers have to go to jail for various offenses - it stokes the fires, so to speak.


and keep lots of powdered drink crystals on hand.


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Max said:


> If you really want to amass some cash, go the isolated, enigmatic messiah route... much more drama there, really. Start wearing some quasi-biblical getups, adopt a stern patriarchal air, attract dozens of comely, fertile young women, find a good place to build an impressive compound to keep the outsiders away. Oh, and start amassing an armory. Don't forget to crush and banish all would-be dissenters, as well as building into your myth the whole end times angle; desperate times, desperate measures, that sort of thing. It takes a few years. You need to build up a certain level of notoriety, and let's face it, we're talking years here. It helps if a few of your followers have to go to jail for various offenses - it stokes the fires, so to speak.


This is a tried and true business plan which has excellent prospects for short term growth.

This golden short term prospect of financial gain of the messianic maniac is overshadowed by generally historically negative long term outcomes. 

When the whole dog-'n'-pony messiah-maniac gig inevitably collapses try not to get caught with a 12 year old hooker and/or a bag of coke or surrender with your hands up like some B-rate flick or some other taudry scenario. Try to go out with a certain sense of style. Something like Waco, but without killing of any of your followers. After all, their only real sin was the stupidity to follow you and/or breed with you. Please, people, there has been all to much of killing off followers. Jimmmie-boy Jones wasn't the first and he won't be the last, but the gig is stale. You messianic maniac types really need to come up with a fresh exit scene.

Going the "legitimate" religion route takes longer to establish, but the prospect for longer term gain can be gargantuan - see for example, Pope, Inc.


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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

Oh, agreed, absolutely. I was merely pointing out short-term growth opportunities to our inquisitive friend. As with stocks, I imagine the key to prosperity is knowing when to bail out... or cut and run, whatever the case may be.

But you know, the whole "exit scene," as you called it - works, precisely because the people want a whizz-bang ending to the tale. The authorites want it, the followers want it, the messiah wants it - it's dramatic, gripping, poignant, tragic... and it's great TV. Oh, sure - people _say_ they're tired of it, because that's how they like to see themselves. But next time a messiah goes out in a hail of bullets or is quenched in a hellfire of flames, the people grab their remotes, their tawdry tabloids, and indulge in an orgy of avid ringside revelry.


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Max said:


> But you know, the whole "exit scene," as you called it - works, precisely because the people want a whizz-bang ending to the tale. The authorites want it, the followers want it, the messiah wants it - it's dramatic, gripping, poignant, tragic... and it's great TV. Oh, sure - people _say_ they're tired of it, because that's how they like to see themselves. But next time a messiah goes out in a hail of bullets or is quenched in a hellfire of flames, the people grab their remotes, their tawdry tabloids, and indulge in an orgy of avid ringside revelry.


Don't get me wrong!  I love the hail of bullets, consumed in hellfire, etc. type exit. It is the taking all the punters with you gig that is stale. If you'll pardon the pun, it has been done to death.  :clap: 

And getting caught with a underage hooker(s) (regardless of gender (combination)) is just lame XX) , as is abject surrender.

All we ask is, show a little class - - to paraphrase, "_let thy people go_" and then you can have as much hellfire and as many bullets as it takes to put on a truly gratuitous and memorable performance... video to follow......


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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

But taking out a pile of your victims at the same time makes it _epic._ Sort of like Ramses getting all huffy at Moses and, just because he couldn't stand sharing the spotlight, sending his legions to chase Mo and his people all the way to the Red Sea... and we all know what happened after _that_. 

Pride... it'll getcha every time.

Masterblaster, another angle occurred to me. You're a big guy, a body builder type, right? Well, you can use that. Lots of these messianic types have a strong physical presence... often quite tall or otherwise physically imposing... having a striking appearance helps make the whole schtick more memorable for your subjects/victims and also eases your own personal burden of having to act like you're channeling your maker in everything that you do.


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## rgray (Feb 15, 2005)

Max said:


> Lots of these messianic types have a strong physical presence... often quite tall or otherwise physically imposing... having a striking appearance helps make the whole schtick more memorable for your subjects/victims and also eases your own personal burden of having to act like you're channeling your maker in everything that you do.


For those of lesser stature there is always the Chuckie Manson profile, all 5 feet of it!


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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

rgray said:


> For those of lesser stature there is always the Chuckie Manson profile, all 5 feet of it!


The thing is, Manson _acted_ like he was a hundred feet tall and could breathe fire. In the end, that's what counts.

Or maybe he actually believed he was a god. In any case, I'm glad he's still behind bars.


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## Max (Sep 26, 2002)

"Killing your followers is the work of the unprofessional cult leader."

Indeed. Pro cult leaders bleed their followers repeatedly. Much more profitable that way. The trick lies in sustaining the action over long periods of time... not so easy, that.


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## mrjimmy (Nov 8, 2003)

Max said:


> "Killing your followers is the work of the unprofessional cult leader."
> 
> Indeed. Pro cult leaders bleed their followers repeatedly. Much more profitable that way. The trick lies in sustaining the action over long periods of time... not so easy, that.
> 
> Intelligent : Design - Message from the Designers


Although, if the Kool-Aid is poured, the professional cult leader should have a V8 instead and live to preach another day elsewhere. 

There will always be no end to the revenue stream of willing followers.


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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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## MasterBlaster (Jan 12, 2003)

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