# Perpetuate the myth! Free letter from Santa Claus (sshh! Canada Post)



## HowEver (Jan 11, 2005)

.


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## darkscot (Nov 13, 2003)

I always argue about this with my family. I'd cut out Santa if I could. It's a losing battle though. thanks for the link, However


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## zoziw (Jul 7, 2006)

I figure I have 2 - 3 years left before my son figures out the whole Santa thing. I'm milking it for all it is worth because once this time is gone...it's gone.


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## darkscot (Nov 13, 2003)

I can see the appeal but there are alternatives. Is it the magical element?


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

zoziw, good for you. When my son stopped believing in Santa, luckily we had Hanukkah Harry in the wings. Now that he is 20, I think that he knows the full truth. C'est la vie. Paix, mon ami.


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## zoziw (Jul 7, 2006)

darkscot said:


> I can see the appeal but there are alternatives. Is it the magical element?


It is just plain fun!  



> zoziw, good for you. When my son stopped believing in Santa, luckily we had Hanukkah Harry in the wings. Now that he is 20, I think that he knows the full truth. C'est la vie. Paix, mon ami.


When my son figures out the Santa thing he will then get the "Santa" nudge, nudge, wink, wink thing as long as he says "I still believe in Santa" leading up to Christmas time...or until I get tired of the charade.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Santa,

Where the **** is my Omnibot? I've been waiting 20 years and have come to the conclusion that you just don't care. If I see you this year, I'm going to shove all those loser GoBots you gave me right up your fat a**. 

Sincerely,
Beej

ps. please bring me a 1080p home theatre projector this year.


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## HowEver (Jan 11, 2005)

Dear Beej,

Unfortunately for you, I know "when you've been bad."

Yours truly,

Santa












Beej said:


> Dear Santa,
> 
> Where the **** is my Omnibot? I've been waiting 20 years and have come to the conclusion that you just don't care. If I see you this year, I'm going to shove all those loser GoBots you gave me right up your fat a**.
> 
> ...


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Santa,

Thank you for your timely response. It is in marked contrast to your delivery service. Note that I saw you kiss my mother and that unless you want the Mrs. to know, you'll cough up the goods. 

Sincerely,
Beej


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## MannyP Design (Jun 8, 2000)

I have fond memories as a child trying to stay up on Christmas Eve, sitting in the kitchen with my relatives listening to music and having the odd neighbor or five drop by for a quick chat and a drink before bed. I can't wait to share similar experiences with my son.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Manny, that is a great thought, and one which your son will hopefully remember fondly. Paix, mon ami.


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## darkscot (Nov 13, 2003)

Nice to hear the Xmas stories, puts me in a gentler mood towards Saint Nick. It was fun


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Dear Santa,

Thank you for your timely response. It is in marked contrast to your delivery service. Note that I saw you kiss my mother and that unless you want the Mrs. to know, you'll cough up the goods. 

Sincerely,
Beej



Dear Beej,
I think that you are now old enough to know the truth about your situation. Yes, I was kissing your mother. Sadly, there is no Mrs. Claus up in the North Pole. That was merely a marketing decision by the Board of Directors of We R Toys, a wholely owned subsidary of the international conglomerate of Bug Humbar, Inc. 
As for your mother, she and I have known each other for many years. In fact, we first met about a year before you were born. We have pondered over how to tell you the reality of your heritage, but now it is critical that you know the truth. I, the one and only Santa, am your true father.
I trust that you will take this news with all the love and devotion that underlies my telling you this fact. As a wise person once said, "Trust me on this reality". Paix, mon fils, le heritier.
Santa


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## bryanc (Jan 16, 2004)

zoziw said:


> I figure I have 2 - 3 years left before my son figures out the whole Santa thing. I'm milking it for all it is worth because once this time is gone...it's gone.


I've always found the Santa fable about as believable as most religions, and I don't want to have my child ask me why I lied to him when he was little. So I've always been honest about Santa, and told my son that Santa is a mythical figure. By the time he's old enough to understand what that means, he'll be old enough to understand the idea of a fun story that we play with, but which has no basis in reality. I'm hoping that this will help him understand religion as well.

Cheers


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## Pelao (Oct 2, 2003)

As a family we love the whole Santa thing. It's fun, stimulating and everyone has generations of great memories.

We don't have any trouble at all in distinguishing between Santa and our faith. 

The 18 year may have realized the truth, but is refusing to admit it . The 8 year old has clearly figured it out, admits it, but keeps pushing the fantasy. Great time of year.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Father,

You owe my mother $1,000,000 in child support back-payments. The various gifts provided over the years do not, according to our lawyer, count against payments due. If the funds are not provided immediately then your toy factory and reindeer will be siezed by court order. Even Rudolph. 

The Omnibot and projector are looking pretty cheap now, aren't they Loverboy?

Sincerely,
Your son, Beej.

cc. Mother


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## Pelao (Oct 2, 2003)

> Dear Father,
> 
> You owe my mother $1,000,000 in child support back-payments. The various gifts provided over the years do not, according to our lawyer, count against payments due. If the funds are not provided immediately then your toy factory and reindeer will be siezed by court order. Even Rudolph.
> 
> ...


Dear Beej

I get your concerns and pain. I will even leave Santa a note with his milk and cookies expressing support for you. BUT - do not threaten that factory! If you do, I will scream until my Dad counter sues for loss of expected toys. So your family is messed up. Get over it - it makes you Canadian.

Sincerely,
Pelao's kid


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Dear Father,

You owe my mother $1,000,000 in child support back-payments. The various gifts provided over the years do not, according to our lawyer, count against payments due. If the funds are not provided immediately then your toy factory and reindeer will be siezed by court order. Even Rudolph. 

The Omnibot and projector are looking pretty cheap now, aren't they Loverboy?

Sincerely,
Your son, Beej.

cc. Mother



Deareat Beej (actually, we named you Horatio),

I have instructed our lawyers at Bug Humbar, Inc. to deposit into an account of your choosing the one million dollars you request. This is a small price to pay to again have you in my life. I have missed you so, and now feel that we might experience an authentic bonding experience.
Not giving you the Omnibot and projector in the past was merely a test, and a way to strengthen your resolve not to disappoint children in the future. You are my one heir, and once this Christmas ends, and I retire to the little island in the Carribean I have been coveting for years now, you shall be able to take over the responsibility of delivering the toys to boys and girls everywhere. Kudos, my son.
Love, 
You dad


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## TroutMaskReplica (Feb 28, 2003)

This is the guy who works at the post office and writes all of those sweet letters to your children:


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## thatcomputerguy (Jan 13, 2005)

Dr.G. said:


> Dear Father,
> 
> You owe my mother $1,000,000 in child support back-payments. The various gifts provided over the years do not, according to our lawyer, count against payments due. If the funds are not provided immediately then your toy factory and reindeer will be siezed by court order. Even Rudolph.
> 
> ...


ROTFLMAO :clap: :lmao: 
dr.g and beej - thanks for the laughs.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Dear son,

I have spoken to Hanukkah Harry, and he is willing to take you out with him this Hanukkah to give you some experience with gift giving. You need to free up your schedule from Dec.15th to the 22nd. I trust that you are not allergic to donkeys, in that his three donkeys, Shlomo, Moishe and Hershel, are not hypoallergenic, as are my reindeer.

He will teach you the ways of giftgiving and, hopefully, the true spirit of giving gifts from the heart. This will prepare you for some of the letters I receive from certain children. Many ask for food, clothing, shelter, a warm bed and even peace, while others want toys, Toys, TOYS!!!!!! Still, next year, this shall all be your headache ................... assignment.

You should meet Hanukkah Harry at 13 Mott Street, which is where he grew up when he was just a "boychik", having fled the Czar's pogroms in Russia in 1903. He may look very sad and weary, but he is a good person that understands what a simple gift means to certain people.
Shalom.
Your dad,
Santa.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Editorial Page, Glove and Mail, Nov. 10th, 2006

"We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Glove and Mail:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Mama says, "If you see it in The Globe, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? 
Beej O'Hanlon 

Beej, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Beej, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. 

Yes, Beej, there is a Santa Claus. 

He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no little boys named Beej. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. 

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your mama to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. 

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Beej, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. 

No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Beej, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy New Year!!!!"


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Dearest son,
The money has now been deposited into your account in the Caymen Island branch of The Royal Bank of Nontaxpaying Canadians. I have also left your original birth certificate with the manager of the branch, a Mr. Jason Jinglestars. You shall see that we named you Horatio Pharcellus Beejcroft, which is where, I assume, you came up with the pseduonym, Beej.

Enjoy your money. Just remember, as it is written in the Bible, "It is easier for a wolverine to dance with a rich camel in heaven, than it is to push a doxie through the eye of a needle." Spend you money wisely, and for the benefit of all those in need.
Peace,
Santa/dad


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Father Santa,

The funds have been verified. Thank you for your cooperation once I brought the issue to light, even though it should have been handled years ago. The ensuing publicity has, however, brought your many indiscretions to light. 

I have received thousands of emails and phonecalls from around the world and even personal visits from people in the area who claim to be your spawn. Many were quite proud that someone of the Claus genus finally stood up to "Pops", the world's most notorious deadbeat dad. 

Almost half have already received DNA verification thanks to being able to test against a known relation. So, dear Father, to help these poor abandoned children who were conceived on a night of careless and uncaring lust by an amorous vagabond on his yearly "booty" call around the world, I have provided them and their mothers, in the cases where the mothers survived the abandonment, with all the legal details needed to pursue justice. Their appreciation was bountiful and I will continue to work for the benefit of those in need.

Good luck old man, and try to keep it in your pants this year.

Sincerely,
Beej.

cc. *attachment too large for server*


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Dearest son,
Thank you for your edification. Sadly, you have no legitimate brothers or sisters from my "seed". Your mother was my first and only. Then, shortly after we parted company on that fateful night, nine months before you were born, I carelessly walked into one of the antlers of Blitzen as he had his head down to feed. Luckily, YouTube was not around at the time. 

Needless to say, I was "out of commission" in the baby making business for the rest of my life. Luckily, Saint Nick was able to spread his "saintliness" throughout the world. Thus, these paternity lawsuits shall be redirected to their rightful person.
Love,
Dad

PS When might you go back to your rightful name of Horatio Pharcellus Beejcroft? Just curious.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

*Santa “Pops” Claus On The Run*

Toronto, Ontario (CP) – Jolly old Saint Nick is also apparently Randy old Saint Nick.

Recent accusations of fathering, and subsequently abandoning, thousands of children around the world each year are being verified. Nobody knows the total number of mothers and their children claiming child support, but the Nice Children of a Naughty Man organization, representing only children and their mothers in the Toronto area, have signed statements of claim from over 500 people representing 400 abandoned children.

“The lechery of this man knows no bounds. We’ve always been scared to stand up to Pops because of his powers to see what we do, travel at high speeds to anywhere in the world and enter homes at will. But, now that Beej has stood up to him, we all feel that suddenly it’s not impossible. Pops can be brought to justice” said NCNM president and co-claimant, Alex Dadless.

Mr. Dadless also released to the media verified DNA matches on 220 of its children.

“We haven’t tested everyone, but not a single test has come back negative yet. If this has been happening all around the world, the total numbers could be in the hundreds of thousands.” 

Neither Santa Claus nor his representatives responded to media inquiries.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

*Rudolph Speaks
*
North Pole (NP) – On any normal day, talking reindeer would be a story in and of itself. Not today.

In a last minute press conference, Rudolph has spoken out against his former employer, Santa Claus.

“Yeah, he's quite the ladies' man. I can't tell you how many times me and the other reindeer were left waiting in the cold while he satisfied his urges. Heck, he's even had the toy factories making Viagara to keep him up."

When asked about claims that Claus had an accident, rendering him incapable of procreating, Rudolph flatly rejected them.

“It wasn't Blitzen, it was me. Claus may have been blitzed though. One night, after yet another of his side-events, Old Mr. Whippy McWhipsalot, which is what us reindeer call Claus, on account of his over enthusiastic whipping, ran into my antlers, jamming himself in the groin. He got angry at me and did this to my nose. Look at it!”

"All the other reindeer used to laugh and call me names, and Claus just tried to cover it up by saying he did it to guide the sleigh. Really! He controls a magical factory that can make anything, and he didn't want to make a set of fog lamps? But no, his sensitive areas weren't hurt, although I wish they were. He just popped another blue pill and a few thousand homes later, we were waiting out in the cold again. "


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Father,

While I believe you must face the consequences or your actions, I gain no pleasure from the family dirt being exposed for all the world to see, even if the family is rather large. 

Please do not pursue an O.J. Simpson-esque challenge of the DNA evidence or claims that the (love) glove does not fit, thereby extending the media circus. Face your fate with honour. 

I will be happy to visit you in prison, should that be the result. And, look on the bright side: conjugal visits!

Sympathetically,
Horatio Beej

ps. I don't believe the recent allegations of mistreatment and confinement being raised by the elves. You don't seem that bad a sort of guy.

pps. I am in talks with Hanukkah Harry and Festivus Frank to ensure that the Holiday Season continues to bring great joy (but not necessarily toe-curling joy) to the world.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Beej, the scandal sheets, the "rag meisters", the expose TV shows and your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Beej, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Still, only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Beej, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. 

Thus, while I have no desire to do battle with those who spread lies, it has been said that we fight hardest for the lost causes than for any other cause. To clear my name and gain your respect is all I would want for Christmas. However, since I am Jewish, I shall ask Hanukkah Harry for this one small Hanukkah miracle. Years from now, when my name is cleared, it shall be known as "The Miracle on Mott Street". It shall be rejoiced as the day when truth and honesty were again seen as actions that were worthy of a person to strive for with all his or her strength and fortitude.

As a man once said when he found only coal in his White House stocking, "Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself." 

Still, as is the motto above the North Pole Toy Shop, "Death before Dishonor", I shall choose death over dishonor should the world not see the truth of my tale, and the lies behind those stories and tales of dishonesty that are being spread in the media. Someone shall listen to me and still believe in all that I represent -- a childhood memory of joy and laughter, a moment of knowing true happiness, the feeling of peace in a world filled with hatred.

I ask you to believe in me and to see that these are the things Santa represents.


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Father,

While amusing, your ramblings are increasingly demonstrative of deeper problems. I will recommend to any presiding judge that you be treated leniently and placed in psychiatric care in a pleasant institution. 

Mr. E. Bunny, while thoroughly disgusted with your behaviour, has been convinced, at my request, to speak in your favour. I cannot impress upon you enough how important it is that E. Bunny is disgusted with your proven sexual exploits. Even by his standards, you went too far. 

His statements on the matter could have ended any hope you have of leniency. I have convinced him that you will, with a twinkle in your eye, face up to your past and that the world will not benefit from an exhaustive trial. Do the honourable thing for the children (even the few in the world that aren't yours).

Saint Patrick and Valentine aren't onside yet, but I'm sure that if you admit to the world what has already been proven, they will find sympathy in their hearts and speak on your behalf for low-security psychiatric treatment. The elves are quite angry and, reportedly, are gathering proof of abuse and confinement. Admit to the lesser indiscretions now, in a favourable nation, and seek asylum in the care of the psychiatrists you so badly need. 

Lovingly,
Horatio Beej, your son


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

Dear Mr. Santa Claus,

We, the undersigned, plead that you admit to your indiscretions. Even beyond the DNA evidence, we have, in our own families, experienced the product of your desires. We are not angry. You need treatment, but the first step is yours: admit that you have a problem.

We have, for years, remained silent while your annual worldwide expeditions were concealed as something they were not. We believed that you would tire of such things and that the good outweighed the harm. We were wrong, and regret not speaking up sooner. 

You have done a great deal of good for the world, but also spread a great deal hurt. With our help, and others who care for you, we are sure that any court in the world will take into consideration both the good and the harm before sentencing.

Please see your way to finally standing up to your problem, and having the strength to seek the help of others. That would be a miracle for all.

Sincerely,

E. Bunny
S. Patrick
H. Harry
F. Frank
S. Valentine
Rudolph
H. Beej


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## SINC (Feb 16, 2001)

Is that "H" Beej short for "Hairy"?


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## Beej (Sep 10, 2005)

I may be in Edmonton soon and you can see for yourself that I'm less hairy than...

Well, let's just say that some genes result in some very hairy results, regardless of gender.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

http://spherule.com/media/video/switch/will_ferrell_lawyers.mov

http://spherule.com/media/video/switch/will_ferrell_santas_ipod.mov

Apple is going to help defend the honor of Santa, your dad.


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## Macaholic (Jan 7, 2003)

We're hoping to milk it for all it's worth, because our son loves it. Any kid does! It's irrelevant when they find out that they have to deal with a period of disillusionment, when they just experienced a solid nine, ten or so years of magic. It's a passage of western life. And, if they ever asked why we did it, it is because we got enjoyment out of seeing their excitement and happiness, which reinforces he joy of giving. Is that so bad?

Having said all that, I have a dirty trick I use when we go to visit the department store Santa -- which he believes is NOT the real Santa because _the real_ Santa is too busy before Christmas t be sitting around malls chatting with kids (and they al look different, anyway). What I like to do is slip a note with a few details of my son's life ahead of the line to the gal taking the photo orders so it seems that Santa knows all. This year, the note might say:

Compliment him on his fall school project on Ontario (he got an A)

He was brave to act in The Wizard of Oz at school last spring.

Ask about his drum lessons, Band Chops and jazz combo.

Mention that he might want to apply himself better on the piano  (yeah baby. _GO SANTA. GO!_)

Note that he seems to be remembering a little better to bring his dishes into the kitchen... but might want to remember more often...

Finish off that he has been a pretty good boy this year (which he has been).


Man, the first year I pulled that type of thing on my son, the poor kid practically STAGGERED off Santa's throne! My son was FLABBERGASTED that this here Santa had my boy's number! :lmao: 

After all, he knows if you've been bad or good. Right?? beejacon


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macaholic, that is a grand idea. 

I recall when I was asked to be a last minute stand in for Santa at my son's preschool. I did not tell my son about this, and he never guessed (I took my glasses off and covered up my New York City accent). There was a little boy, David, who was off in a corner, not taking part, but watching as well. I knew he was Jewish, in that he was a friend of my son (I am Jewish and my son's mom was Catholic). I called out to this little boy by name. As he came up to me I said, "Shalom, David. And what do you want for Hanukkah?" David beemed, and to this day I often wonder if he does not have some sort of belief in Santa.


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## Macaholic (Jan 7, 2003)

Smooth move Dr. G... and a kind gesture.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Macaholic, I still believe in a Santa, along with Virginia.


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

*Telegram*

I do not recall my age when this happened but I was not believing in Santa. 

Well what showed up at home not a letter but a telegram on Official CNCP Telecommunications paper.

I said I still didn't believe, because of the kids at school said, until it was pointed out to me by my Dad you can't misrepresent information on a telegram that would violate Federal Law. 

My first encounter with "You can't make this stuff up" or you will get into DDT Land. (Deep Dark Trouble Land)

Based on the above I'm a believer.


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## Dr.G. (Aug 4, 2001)

Good for you, BigDL. Now, if we could only get Beej to believe once again in Santa, we could again make him a happy person.

Editorial Page, Glove and Mail, Nov. 10th, 2006

"We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Glove and Mail:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Mama says, "If you see it in The Globe, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? 
Beej O'Hanlon 

Beej, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Beej, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. 

Yes, Beej, there is a Santa Claus. 

He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no little boys named Beej. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. 

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your mama to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. 

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Beej, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. 

No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Beej, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy New Year!!!!"


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## BigDL (Apr 16, 2003)

Beej said:


> Dear Santa,
> 
> Where the **** is my Omnibot? I've been waiting 20 years and have come to the conclusion that you just don't care. If I see you this year, I'm going to shove all those loser GoBots you gave me right up your fat a**.
> 
> ...


Remember it is only the good children that Santa visits with presents. Bad children receive lumps of coal.

So you try to be your best and remember there are only 31 more sleeps 'til Santa's big trip.


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